Original subtitles

[theme song]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪♪

♪♪

Ed.

Ed.

Oh, my goodness. What in the world?

Yeah, it's working fine now.

All it needed was a little oil and an old reel.

Oh, you scared my socks off.

Is that what you got in the bag?

Oh, no. Uh, this is your lunch.

I know how anxious you are to get up to the lake,

so you won't have to stop.

Oh, that's very nice of you, Della.

I'm a very nice person.

Yeah? So was Attila the Hun.

Well, Attila wouldn't help you keep your business open.

Business? What business?

My bank just informed me my account is a disaster area.

With Sugar Britches and I here together,

uh, things will pick up.

Yeah, that reminds me.

Do me a favor, would you? Pick up my toolbox?

You mean your tackle box?

No, no, I mean my toolbox.

You see we're driving up with Hector Lopez, and his truck

falls apart every 50 miles.

Oh, I see. Listen, Ed, did you pack everything that you need?

I mean, do you have enough socks, and shirts, and pajamas?

Yeah, I got my razor, my toothbrush, and my gargle.

I bet it's 90-proof gargle.

What about underwear?

Underwear? I'm wearing some.

One set for a whole week?

What do you take me for, a dude? For heaven sakes...

One is enough there. It's a drip-dry.

Well, just what will you be doing while they're drying?

I'll be dripping.

Do you have any handkerchiefs in there?

I don't need any handkerchiefs, all my shirts have long sleeves.

I'm going upstairs and get you some handkerchiefs,

and I'm also gonna bring you a heavy sweater

because it gets awfully cold up there at the lake.

What are you, my mother?

No. And at last I have something to thank my late husband for.

Oh. Oh, forget about the sweater.

♪ If a buddy meets a buddy ♪

♪ And she gives a wink ♪

♪ If she doesn't have a buddy ♪

♪ Don't buy her a drink ♪♪

Let's see now.

[humming]

Wait a minute.

Hey, hey!

- Where are you, Ed? - I'm right here, Louie.

Oh, there you are. Good morning, Ed, good morning. Good morning.

Good morning to you, Louie.

Good morning, Ed, good morning.

I heard you the first time.

Good morning, Ed, good morning.

Louie, what's the matter with you? Your needle stuck?

You said good morning seven times.

Yeah, I know, seven days makes a week

so I'm loadin' you up for a whole week.

Thank you.

Hello there, Louie. You're early this morning.

Only for a purpose, Della, to bring my good friend

a going away present.

Oh, what have you got in there, a six-pack of trash?

No. This.

What's that?

This is the hitchhiker's thumb.

- You know something? - What?

It glows in the dark for night hitchhiking.

Oh, Louie, Ed's not hitchhiking.

- He's going up with Hector Lopez and Mort Feinberg. - Yeah.

Oh, well in that case, it's rubber, and it's hollow inside.

You can keep your fishing worms warm.

I don't use worms, Louie, I use flies.

Oh, if it's flies you want, step outside.

My truck is buzzing with them.

No, no, these are the kind of flies you tie.

Oh, really?

How do you manage to get 'em to sit still?

[phone ringing]

Ed Brown's garage. Service with a smile.

- It's Lopez. - His truck won't start?

No... What? You did?

They didn't. They did? I'll be right over.

What do you mean, you'll be right over there?

Why don't you have them come on over here?

Well, he can't come over here till I bring this over there.

You mean he had a flat, Ed?

Worse than that, when he stopped at Mort's,

somebody ripped him off for a tire.

Well, don't worry about it, buddy.

You can go with me in my truck.

And I'll let you sit in the front seat with me.

I'd rather sit in back with the flies.

Wait, now, wait just a minute. Let me get this.

Alright, now you go and you have a good time, Ed.

Here, put this right up under there.

Louie, would you carry this for him, please?

Alright, take this, have a good time, Ed,

and don't worry about a thing.

There's nothing to worry about.

That's right, because Sugar Britches

can take care of the place.

And besides, Ed, I'll be around to help her.

Uh-oh, now I got something to worry about.

- [phone rings] - Bye-bye, have fun.

Ed Brown's garage.

Oh, Hi, Mark. What now?

They did?

Alright, alright, right away, right away.

Ed, Louie, wait a minute!

And you better hurry before they steal the other one.

Here you are, Louie. Your favorite lunch, a red hot pizza.

Oh, that's nice, Sugar Britches.

Hey, wait a minute. Somebody took a bite out of here.

Yeah, well, it's my favorite too.

Sugar Britches, you haven't eaten yet?

Just one anchovy, that's all.

Oh, I'm ashamed of you. Louie, share this with Sugar,

and I'll run down and get another one.

I'll be back in about 20 minutes.

Okay.

Come on. Let's eat over here, Louie.

The pungent aroma of gasoline clashes

with the delicate fragrance of pepperoni.

Oh, do tell.

Excuse me. Is this La Paloma Lane?

I wish I had as much money as this is La Paloma Lane.

I've got a telegram for Ed Brown.

Oh, here. I'll take it.

Sign here, please.

Who's the telegram from?

I don't know. I can't read through the envelope.

Here you go, happy face.

In this neighborhood, I don't expect a big tip.

Good, then you're not disappointed.

- We gotta give him something. - Here.

Here you are, sir.

Pizza gives me heartburn.

Thanks. I enjoy heartburn.

Open the telegram, Sugar, and read it to me.

Unh-unh, I can't do that.

Why not?

I never read other people's mail.

I'll tell you what.

You open it and toss it in the trash can, because I always

read mail I find in my can.

Good idea.

[humming]

Well, I'll be darned.

What happened?

Someone tossed a telegram in my trash can.

Really, now who would do a thing like that?

Listen to this, Sugar Britches.

"Stopped in Los Angeles, en route to Alaska.

Have room ready for me. Signed, Uncle Sonny."

Who's Uncle Sonny?

How should I know? I just found it in my trash can.

You know something, Della, Ed ain't gonna recognize

this place when he gets back.

Well, I sure hope he gets back before his uncle gets here.

Did that telegram say when he would arrive?

No, just stopping en route to Alaska.

What does a man that old expect to do in Alaska?

Hey, hey, Della, how old is he?

Well, he's got to be at least 80.

Ed once told me that he went to Denver

for Uncle Sonny's 75th birthday.

This is it, 1432 La Paloma Lane.

Ah, looks more like Buses Alley.

Here, hold it.

Pick up those bags and bring 'em in here.

Uh, Uncle Sonny?

I'm not your Uncle Sonny.

- Um... - Where's Eddie?

I'm afraid you've missed Ed. Uh, he's up at the lake, fishing.

Ah, I hope he falls in.

But, Uncle Sonny, you're welcome to stay anyway.

I'm a friend of Ed's. I'm Della Rogers.

Well, how do you do?

Okay, help the driver with the bags, porter.

Porter?

Move it, move it, I got no time to waste.

I'm 85 years old.

Hey, how can an 85-year-old man have all this stuff?

85? He told me he was 82.

Where's my room?

Ah, you'll use Ed's room.

It's right at the top of the stairs.

All the way up there?

Your expect a 90-year-old man to walk up all them stairs?

Well, maybe you'll be more comfortable in this room.

Step right this way.

That's much better. Out of my way, son.

Wait up there a minute, sport.

- What's that? - That'll be $20.

$20? You got change for a 50?

- What, are you kidding? - Come back tomorrow.

Wait, hey, hey, hey, no, buddy, I want my 20 bucks right now.

Son, pay the man and put it on my bill.

What bill?

Eddy always charges me when I stay here.

Okay.

Thank you, buddy.

What? That's all, a thank you?

Uh, most people do better than that.

Well, I don't want to be a piker,

so, uh... thank you very much.

I'm just gonna get some clean sheets. I'll be right back.

Hey, hey, hey, hold it, hold it.

I ain't sleeping on no water bed.

Why? It's comfortable.

For a fish, maybe. Do I look like a rainbow trout to you?

What time is it?

2:15. Why?

Eh, I always take a nap at 4 o'clock.

And if I start now, I'll get up there just in time.

Now, if anybody calls me, I'm not here, you understand?

No matter who it is. You don't know where I am.

Get in back of me. Come on, move it, move it!

Alright, now I gotta go upstairs.

When I count three, give me a push.

One, two, three, go!

That old man is something else.

Louie, when you finish that,

I'll stay until Sugar Britches gets back.

Della, can you pump gas?

Is there peanut butter in the White House?

[police siren wails]

Uncle Sonny, what are you doing?

Hey, hold it, hold it there.

Hold it, old timer, hold it here.

Old timer? What do you mean old timer?

I got a name, it's Brown. Use it.

Alright, Mr. Brown, let me see your driver's license.

I ain't got one.

You mean you're driving around without a license, Uncle Sonny?

Ain't my fault.

I tried to get one and they wouldn't give it to me.

Got a pilot's license.

- What? - Pilot's license right here.

That was issued in 1923.

- I fly old planes. - Oh.

Officer, did Uncle Sonny do something wrong?

Do something wrong?

Well, to begin with, he was flying kinda low.

That's a lie.

He was doing 60 in a 30-mile zone.

I won't go that fast.

He made a left-hand turn from the right-hand lane.

I'm left-handed.

Went through a boulevard stop sign.

Didn't have my glasses on.

- Two red lights. - I'm colorblind.

All this going the wrong way on a one-way street.

So were you, you followed me all the way here.

Fine, then we'll both tell it to the judge.

I'll see you in court Thursday at 10 o'clock.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

Uncle Sonny, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I am ashamed. First time in 20 years they caught me.

Well, where are my clubs, golf clubs?

They're right over there, right there.

Good, good. I'm teeing off.

Why don't you take a little nap?

Why don't you take a flying leap?

Come on, Louie, let's get going. We'll make a foursome.

Yeah, a foursome? There's only two of us.

We'll pick a couple of chicks in the clubhouse.

If they don't wanna play, we'll force them.

Come on, Uncle Sonny, I can't leave the garage.

Of course you can, Louie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can, providing you let me drive.

Drive? You got a pilot's license?

No, but I got a driver's license.

Okay, I'll teach you to fly.

Now be careful. Lot of mean fuzz in this town.

[Della] Louie!

Don't yell at me, Della, I'm just a co-pilot.

Yeah. Yes, the worst driver I ever saw.

He wouldn't go over 55 miles an hour.

Come on, Louie, I gotta change.

Get in the back of me, I need a push. Now ready?

A-one, a-two, a-three, go!

[grunts]

[sighs]

Della, that old man done worn me out.

Well, you've been gone long enough.

How long does a round of golf take?

It wasn't the round of golf that took so long, honey.

It was a round of drinks afterwards.

Well, I guess drinking is a family failing.

He ain't failing. In drinking, he get straight 'A's.'

And with women, he's at the top of the class.

Are you saying that you really wound up in a foursome?

We started as a foursome and ended up with a eightsome.

Della, that old man's got something that girls would...

I don't know, they flock around him

like cats at a fish market.

Hey, Louie.

Come on, good buddy.

We're gonna go over to Mabel's.

- Mabel's? - Well, maybe it was Helen.

Uh, no, no, it was Florence, Florence.

That's the one in the flower store, remember?

Oh, yeah, when you bought them posies for Betty.

That's the one.

Uncle Sonny, I'm worried about you.

Carrying on like this is dangerous for a man your age.

Carrying on like this is how I got to be this age.

Come on, Louie.

Well, now that you are this age,

you ought to settle down, get one good woman, and get married.

I had enough of marriage, 63 years of it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, me too, but I don't wanna talk about it.

Ah, my first wife used to lay in bed till 12 o'clock noon,

eating chocolates and reading those romantic novels

and playing jazz on the gramophone.

Then she'd get dressed, go to town, buy more French underwear.

And when she'd come back, we'd go dancing,

dancing all night long.

Ah, yes, they don't make good women like that anymore.

But I don't wanna talk about it.

Well, that's alright, I can understand--

My second wife, I remember, uh, yeah, she was so different

from my first wife, I had to divorce her.

Then I married her sister.

Good, there's no sense in marrying strangers.

Yeah, that's what I thought. But she ran off with my barber.

Oh, what a terrible thing, best barber I ever had too.

But I don't wanna talk about it.

It's too bad--

Now I got a new wife, Anna Lou, best of the lot.

Uh-uh, where is she, uncle?

Ah, all I can say is I love her.

But I don't wanna talk about it.

But I can't live with her. She's too darn jealous.

You know what she accused me of?

- What? - I don't wanna talk about it.

Come on, Louie, let's get going, over to Mabel's.

- Florence's! - I'm in no mood to dicker.

Please be careful.

- Alright. - [phone ringing]

Oh, I gotta get that phone.

[engine revving]

Ed Brown's garage. Service with a snarl.

Oh, no, this is Della Rogers, Ed Brown's voice is higher.

Who's calling Mr. Brown? Mrs. Brown?

Oh, Mrs. Sonny Brown.

Well, yes, your husband's here, Mrs. Brown,

but he's out at the moment.

Oh? Uh-oh.

Well, when is it you're coming?

Oh, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am, I'm sure he'll be back by then.

Goodbye.

Gonna be a hot time in the old town tonight.

[knocking on door]

Coming.

- Yes? - Oh, hi.

- Ah, Mrs. Brown? - Ah, no, is Sonny here?

Uh, you Mrs. Brown?

No, I'm Susie. I told Sonny I'd meet him here.

Um, take my wrap.

No, thanks. I have one of my own.

I'm afraid Mr. Brown isn't in.

Oh, well, he will be.

We're having a party. Where's the ice?

It's forming around my heart.

[knocking]

Uh, I tell you what, Susie, just be a good girl and go upstairs.

Right up those stairs right there.

Okay, thank you.

I'm coming!

Right upstairs, honey.

Hello.

Ah, ah, just a minute. Hold it. You're not Mrs. Brown.

Oh, not yet. I'm Sonja. Where is Sonnypoo?

- I brought the wine. - [knock on door]

Wha... I tell you what, you go right upstairs.

The ice is upstairs and Susie's upstairs

and she'll take care of you.

I'm coming. I'll be right back, uh-huh.

Oh, my goodness, there's two of them.

- Hi. - Hi.

We're the Jones sisters.

I'm Frannie and this is Patty.

- And where's Sonny? - And where's Sonny?

I think he's out making friends.

[knocking]

I tell you what you do.

You two just go right upstairs here

with the others, and please, nobody comes down

till I holler "surprise" here. Right up...

I'm coming, right up there. Right up there.

Oh, my.

Hi.

Ah, could I help you?

- Well, who are you? - You tell me first.

Oh, I'm Siri. I sold Sonny some swim fins this afternoon.

- And he said that I should come by and I-- - [knocking]

Oh, right upstairs, honey, right this way, darling.

You gotta trust me, upstairs. Upstairs, dear.

- Thank you. - That's gotta be Anna Lou.

This must be her. I'm coming. I'm coming.

Hello. Is he here? Is he back yet?

Is who back here?

Oh, aren't you the lady I talked to on the phone?

You're Anna Lou Brown?

You seem surprised. What has my husband told you about me?

Oh, it's just that I expected a much older woman.

I am. I've aged ten years in the week since Sonny left me.

Sonny? Sonny?

Ah, wait, wait, don't go up there.

Um, uh, Anna Lou, why don't we go over here and wait.

Oh, thank you.

Do you work for Sonny's nephew?

Ah, no, I'm just helping out while Ed's out of town.

- Oh, I could use some-- - Sit down.

I could use some help myself.

I've destroyed a perfectly beautiful marriage

with my insane jealousy.

Oh, I can understand that, your husband's

a very attractive gentleman.

Isn't he? That's why I married him.

He's the lover I always wanted,

the father I never had, and the son I over-protected.

- And I've learned my lesson... - Mm.

If he'll just come back to me, I'll trust him from now on.

[clank]

Ah, excuse me, that might be a prowler.

- Yeah. - Oh, it's so cute.

Oh, you just wait till the other girls get here, honey.

And we're gonna have a ball.

Sonny!

I'll be with you in a minute, honey. I would...

Anna Lou!

That's only one of the surprises, there's more.

Oh-oh-oh-oh. This is my taxi driver.

- Here you are, sir. - What?

- Keep the change. Oh! - Are you kidding, Sonny?

Sonny, Sonny, oh, I've missed you so, darling.

Oh, I've missed you too, Anna Lou.

But a man's got to do what he's got to do.

Sonny, if you'll just come back with me

you can do whatever you want, all the things you did

before I married you.

- Can I go skydiving? - Skydiving.

And can I jump out in a parachute?

- Parachute jump. - Yeah.

- Can I go scuba diving? - Scuba diving.

- Okay. - Anything you want.

You hear that? I can do anything I want.

Except run around with other women.

When did I ever do anything like that? I'm a married man.

I know.

Oh, darling, forgive me. Come home with me now, please.

Go upstairs and pack your things.

- Okay. - I'll help.

Ah, ah, Anna Lou, wait a minute.

He doesn't need any help to pack.

Oh, yes, I do. I'll count to three.

One, two, three.

I always start him.

- [indistinct chatter] - Whoa, whoa. Gangway!

What's been going on over there?

Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet.

Ladies, please, please, take your seats.

- What seats? - What seats?

[indistinct chatter]

Anna Lou, these dear souls are all members

of my nephew's AA group.

And poor Eddie's at a drying-out farm.

And he forgot to cancel the meeting.

Oh, well, don't let that stop you.

You just take over, Brother Sonny.

Thank you. This won't take long, Anna Lou, dear.

Now ladies, let's face it.

We're all slaves to the demon rum, but--

- Hallelujah. Hallelujah. - Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

But you can be saved just like

this dear little thing, my wife.

Ah, look at her, only 18 years old.

Whiskey did this to her. Isn't that terrible?

And look at this woman over here.

Hallelujah.

Ah, well, never mind.

And here, here's a terrible situation here,

this poor little creature.

- Look at what happened to her. - Hallelujah.

Alcohol, alcohol stunted her growth.

And look at... I beg of you...

All of you now, go home and empty your bottles of rum--

Hallelujah.

[indistinct]

Ed sure looks good after his vacation, don't he, Della?

Yeah, that week away did wonders for him.

Hey, you! What's been going on here while I was away?

Who's been sleeping in my bed?

Goldilocks?

What?

Well, don't look at me.

Even when I had locks, Ed, they weren't golden.

My room is a shambles.

Well, I guess that's what I get for going fishing and leaving

my business in the hands of irresponsible incompetents.

Ah.

I never saw such a mess. Why can't people be neat?

Here.

Put those on ice.

Put what on ice, the fish or the laundry?

[Ed] "Chico and The Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience

at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.

[theme song]

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪♪