Original subtitles

♪ One, two, a-one, two, three and... ♪

[theme music]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪♪

♪♪

Señor Brown, come on down.

[Ed] I'm already down.

- Then come on out. - Okay.

Holy jeez. What is that?

This is what our Mexican friends call a "poncho." You like it?

I liked it better when it was a seat cover.

Chico sent it to me from Ensenada.

No kidding. He sent me one too.

But I'm using mine for a drop cloth.

A drop cloth? Are you painting something?

I certainly am, I'm painting a sign

that says "one poncho for sale."

Good mornin'!

How you boys this mornin'?

Boys?

Oh, Miss Della. Excuse me.

I thought you was a delivery boy from Taco Delight.

Oh, my.

Uh... maybe I ought to change that sign

to read "two ponchos for sale."

Yeah, I guess this just ain't me, Ed.

Well, let's face it. You are what you wear.

One look at Louie, you know exactly what business he's in.

Not anymore. Take your last look.

'Cause you ain't gonna never see me in khakis again.

You call that khaki?

I thought it was a two-piece coffee stain.

Louie, are you trying to tell us that you've been fired?

Worse than that, Della. Retired!

Why? A man should never retire.

Well, don't tell me. Tell City Hall!

You mean they're forcing you to leave?

Look, honey, when you get a certain age,

they make you turn in your can.

Aww.

What age, Louie? What age are you?

- Retirement age, Ed! - Oh, no.

- Well, you sure don't look it. - And I don't feel it, either.

I've taken so much trash to the dump,

why, last year they had to add on the Louie Wilson wing.

But that's yesterday's garbage. Today, I'm all washed up.

Oh, Ed, I think he's gonna cry--

Yeah, he is crying.

Louie. Louie. Cheer up, Louie.

You can always get another job.

Sure, 3,000 flies will give you a reference.

And then I'll, I'll be glad to take care of all 'em too.

- Yeah. - But I wanna work!

Well, you, uh, Louie, you can work anytime you want.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

Uh, you can pick up my garbage anytime

and deliver it to the dump personally.

Ed, you'd do that for me?

Yeah. What are friends for? Come on, Louie.

Get him a cup of coffee, will ya?

Sit right over here, old boy.

- Oh, don't cry, Louie. - Everything's gonna work out alright.

Listen, just think, Louie.

You'll have your own private practice.

Yeah!

My own... That's, that's not a bad idea.

- What's not a bad idea? - Going into private practice.

You mean you want your own garbage business?

Ed, that's the whole idea.

I'm taking yours to the dump,

might as well take somebody else's too.

Well, how much garbage can you fit in your car?

Not in my car. My truck!

- You don't have a truck. - I would if I bought one.

- And why would you buy one? - Because I don't have a car.

That makes sense. So you're gonna buy a truck, huh?

Not just a truck, Ed. A whole business.

Why, I read in The Garbage Man's

ads every day. Now listen to this.

"Man wants to dump trash business." Right there.

You know, Louie, that's good thinking.

That's stupid thinking.

Louie doesn't know anything about running a business.

- Well, it never stopped you. - That's different.

You wanna run a business, you got to have brains,

and you got to have customers, and he doesn't have either.

Oh, come off of it, Ed. Don't discourage him.

Why would people pay for him to pick up the trash

when the city does it for free?

Let me tell you something, Ed.

The city does not service the suburbs.

They pay for their garbage out there,

and it's classic trash, too.

Why, they throw out better stuff than you got around here.

Well, if anybody wants to hear my opinion,

I think it is wonderful that he's still so ambitious,

and if you ever do go into business, Louie,

I'm gonna be your first customer.

Oh, thank you, Della.

You know somethin', they think I'm through with City Hall,

but I'll still be haulin' and havin' a ball!

Bye, y'all!

What's the matter with you? Why do you encourage him?

And if you're so concerned about him, why don't you give him a job?

Doing what? Driving one of my sandwich trucks?

Why not? For 30 years, he's been hauling garbage.

Right this way, Mr. Wilson, right this way.

Well, Mr. Tubbs,

hope you don't mind me bringing Mr. Brown along

so he can check out the trucks before we close the deal.

Not at all, business is business

and if you don't trust me, you don't trust me.

- Oh, I trust you. - Oh, I trust you, too.

Why don't you sit down, Mr. Wilson.

- I'll be glad to. - Yeah. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Not there. Not there. The big one.

- The boss's chair. - You don't mind?

Not at all. It's all gonna be yours pretty soon anyway.

[Louie laughing]

Oh, I tell you, you are a natural born boss.

Yeah, this is nice.

Well, I'm glad you like it because I got some of that

nifty fabric in my number one truck, too.

I call it the "Nebby Naugahyde."

- Nuggie what? - Nuggie Naugahyde.

It's a sort of a unborn asphalt.

It, it, uh... it, uh, it keeps you from, uh, sliding.

Oh, yeah, it's gonna be a pleasure

emptying garbage in that truck.

Oh, oh, please not garbage.

Around here we prefer "refuse."

But what's the difference?

Oh, well, you'd be surprised.

These suburbanites are so sensitive.

Like, for example, don't you ever call

Mrs. Monroney's garbage can a garbage can.

- No? - No...

You call it a "refuse receptacle."

Oh, I guess I got a lot to learn.

- Right. - Now, uh...

What do you call a lid?

A lid.

Oh, I'll tell you, I'm gonna miss this old place around here.

Oh, what wonderful memories herein reside.

To wit...

you see this banana peel right here?

Is that what that is?

Well, it's not just what you call a plain old

diddy bum bana-banana peel.

It's, uh, this came from Carmen Miranda's housewarming in 1948.

It was, it was on her party hat.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Oh, and how about this?

There's a flea collar.

Who wore this?

A very large flea.

No kiddin'.

If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.

Come here.

Here it is, the original King Kong's toupee.

He, uh, he was bald you know.

- I didn't know that. - Not many people do.

Not many people got close enough to find out, you know.

Yeah, I bet you're right. But, say, Mr. Tubbs, uh,

just tell me, uh, why are you selling this business?

Well, didn't you read the ad? "Injury forces sale."

- You injured? - Oh, severely.

Ever so severely.

Like, uh, I've never seen Hawaii. Wouldn't that hurt?

- Painfully. - Painful.

Oh, here's your mechanic back from the motor pool.

Ah... what's the verdict?

Well, after looking at the trucks, my professional opinion

is that one truck is okay, but the other one is a dog.

Oh... you're a veterinarian too, eh?

That's right, if that truck was a horse

I'd put it out of its misery.

It needs a new transmission, new brakes, new shocks.

Why, the-- even the horn doesn't work.

It doesn't need a horn. You know what I do?

I stick my head out the window and I go...

Ah-ooga!

Ah-ooga!

- That's how I go. - Uh, say, Ed.

What do you think is the cost to fix the truck up?

Well, let me see, it would cost about, uh, $700,

I think, and that doesn't even include a new "ah-ooga!"

Yeah. You know, he's asking $6,500 for that truck.

It's 10 years old. I wouldn't give you 3,000.

I wouldn't take less than six.

- How about 3,500? - Fifty-five.

- Forty-five hundred. - Five thousand.

Forty-two hundred.

Four thousand seven hundred and fifty.

Forty-five hundred.

I'll give you 4,000 and not one penny more.

It's a deal.

I must say, you drive a hard bargain.

Well, I'm hard, but I'm fair.

And, Mr. Wilson,

I want to congratulate you.

You have just bought yourself a business.

Oh, one more thing I wanna ask you.

I'd like to meet your driver.

Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Of course. Of course.

Frank!

You're gonna love him.

Uh, Frank, this is Mr. Wilson. He's, uh, he's your new boss.

Hi, there Frank!

I'm sure we're gonna get along just fine.

Oh, no, we won't. I quit.

You quit? Why?

I'm going to Hawaii with my daddy.

Oh, mercy, mercy, cried Mrs. Percy.

You know... I completely forgot

that I promised him. I'll see you later, Frank.

He's my firstborn.

He's my only born.

Well, Louie, you're off to a good start.

No driver and a busted truck.

Oh, now, I wouldn't let that fret me, Mr. Wilson.

You're gonna have no problem at all finding somebody.

Many, many men would do a myriad of things for $175 a week.

A hundred and seventy-five dollars?

Well, maybe even 200 with overtime.

Louie... I think I've found somebody

who'll be very happy to drive that truck.

Look, Ed, if you find someone, I'll pay you commissions.

You found him.

- Who? - Me.

- You? You'd work for me, Ed? - Yes, sir.

Louie, for $250...

- Uh, uh, uh, uh... - Louie, I'd be very happy to drive the truck.

I was thinking about 130--

[indistinct chatter]

[humming]

Hi, Ed, how's it coming?

Oh, it's coming along great. Gave it a good tune-up,

adjusted the carburetor, and now you're good

for another 12,000 miles.

That was quick.

And amazing too, you know I expected to come over here

and find you grumbling and bumping your head on the hood.

I feel fantastic.

Takin' that night job was the greatest thing

that ever happened to me.

No traffic at night, throwing those cans around

is great exercise.

And driving that garbage truck at night,

the air is so crisp and clean and clear.

Well, good for you. You know, I never expected you

to go through with it.

What's the matter, didn't you think

I could handle two jobs at once?

I never saw you handle one job at once.

[mock laughing] Very funny.

Very funny. You got a great sense of humor.

[both mock laughing]

Wait till you get the bill.

Well, if you're in such a good mood

why don't you just put it on the house?

Because I'm happy, not stupid.

Hi, Ed. Hi, Della.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, Della, runnin' the business ain't easy.

I told you, you need brains for that.

[slams door]

I got some bad news for you, Ed.

What's that?

You have two new stops on your route tonight.

Bad news? That's great news!

You can give me as many stops as you want.

How can you be so happy?

I can't understand that you're so happy.

He's got a bottle in the truck.

It's all in the mind, Della. All in the mind.

I'm just trying to help my friend Louie get established.

When you love your work, who needs sleep?

But what about your social life?

You mean to tell me a Casanova like you

would rather take out garbage than take out a woman?

I'll tell you one thing, when you pick up a can,

you don't have to buy it a dinner, it's already full.

We're seeing the dawn of a new age here, Louie.

Ed Brown helping out his fellow man.

He's helping his fellow man out, Della,

because his fellow man is paying him $250 a week.

Wrong. With those two new stops, it's gonna be $260 a week.

Oh, no. I pay by the week, not by the can.

Atta boy, Louie. Don't let him push you around.

No, he ain't pushin' me around. I'm the boss now.

- And don't you forget it. - I won't!

- Get me a cup of coffee. - Yes, ma'am.

- Ed. - What?

- Will you give me my keys? - It's in the ignition.

Well, that's perfect. The door is locked.

- Open it. - What do you want me to do?

Crawl in through the exhaust pipe?

What kind of mechanic locks the keys up in the car?

Well, stop hollering at me. I didn't lock it.

Well, I didn't lock it.

- You locked it! - You locked it!

- I guess I did. - Oh, Louie, I got--

Now, Della, now, don't. I know what you're gonna do.

- You're gonna yell at me. - Oh, no, she isn't.

- I'm gonna yell at you. - Well, don't!

- Remember, I'm your boss. - Yeah?

In this garage I'm the boss. Now, get outta here.

Man, don't yell at me 'cause I can't take any more yelling.

Don't be yelling at me all the time. I'm sick of it.

I'm holding you responsible, Ed Brown, and I expect you

to get a qualified locksmith in here to open my truck.

- Okay, I'll get Salvador. - Salvador?

Yeah, why not? He's a qualified locksmith.

He's got his own wire coat hanger.

I do not want Salvador messing with my truck, Ed.

Well, you better take Salvador, or you ain't--

What do you mean I better take Salvador?

You locked my keys up in there.

[keys clacking]

Mm-hmm.

Perfect!

[yawns]

Aloha!

Oh, Mr. Tubbs, how you doin'?

Oh, just wonderful, Mr. Wilson.

And I thought I'd just drop in and see how you were doing.

Oh, it's tough being a boss, but I'm gettin' by.

Oh, I know. But remember one thing.

Remember what I've always said about refuse.

You can be at the top of the heap

or the bottom of the heap, but no matter where you are,

you're a part of the heap.

Is that... Is that what you always say?

I say that all the time.

Well, uh... how was Hawaii?

Oh, I loved it. Loved every bit.

It's as pretty as a sunset over a brand-new dump.

Oh, I tell you and, and...

And, and you know, over in Hawaii, they got those, psst,

volcanoes, you know, and, and girls with the grass skirts.

And, uh, while we were there, uh, they were both active.

Oh, yeah, awesome.

I'll say one thing, Mr. Tubbs.

- Retirement agrees with you. - Oh, Louie...

May I call you Louie?

- That's my name. - Oh.

Well, Louie, I-I wanna tell you it's the most fun I've ever had

in my whole boring get-together.

You know, the little woman and I, we took a little

side trip over to San Francisco.

[both laughing]

Saw a real hippie. Had our picture taken with it.

No kiddin'.

Would I kid about something like that?

No, Louie. Hey, you know, I was thinkin'.

You should be thinking about retiring, Louie.

It is the greatest thing since the lightning rod.

No, no, you see, Mr. Tubbs, I hate the idea

of gettin' up in the morning and nothin' to do.

- You understand what I mean. - Yeah, but, Louie, let me...

Suppose I could get someone

who would take this whole business off of your hands.

I would say, "No thanks."

And what would you say if you would get a nice profit?

I would still say no thanks.

Uh, how about a very nice profit?

I would still say--

Uh, you got someone in mind?

Have I got someone--

Louie, there's a...

Louie, you gotta sell the business back to me.

You hear me? I mean it, Louie. I'm going crazy.

I can't stand it, Louie. I can't help it.

I can't stand it any longer, Louie. I'm going crazy.

You know, I wake up at four o'clock every morning.

Louie, believe me four o'clock.

What good is it to wake up at four o'clock

in the morning in Hawaii?

It's lonely. Not even the surf is up at that hour.

- Louie, look if you-- - Mr. Tubbs, I'm sorry.

When you have been in garbage as long as I have--

It's refuse. Refuse!

I'm even forgetting the nomenclature.

Louie, what am I gonna do?

Don't let me stay in retirement, Louie. I gotta be back here.

I gotta be with my memories.

Here should be my memorabilia. Right here.

All my souvenirs, Louie...

I-if I don't get a job, my wife...

my wife is going to book us on a cruise.

A cruise to India, Louie. Louie, I can't, Louie.

Save me, save me, brother. Save me, Louie.

I can't stand, I can't stand boats. I get seasick on boats.

And you know what? I'm allergic to incense, too, Louie.

[stammering] And cobras. They got cobras, Louie.

They got great-- And, and my mongoose died.

That wire hanger is not gonna work.

And in the meantime, my food is spoiling.

Well, that'll be an improvement.

That's stupid. I'm gonna get a locksmith.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Relax.

Take it easy. I know just the thing for it.

I've got the weapon that'll do it.

- Watch this now. - Wait a minute.

You're not gonna break down my window.

Why not? That's the way everybody

in this neighborhood gets into a car.

[Joe] Louie, we gotta talk to Ed.

Yeah, hi, Ed. Can we talk to you for a minute?

- Okay, what about? - Yeah, talk to him. Tell him.

Uh, you see, Tubbs and I are gonna be partners.

- Partners. - Well, congratulations, Louie.

- I think that's a great idea. - Well, uh...

It was really my idea.

Yeah, well, let me congratulate you.

You finally found somebody who can handle your business.

Well, thank you, Mr. Brown. You are very astute.

- And you're fired. - Well, I always say--

Unfortunately, there is no place

in our corporate structure for you.

Louie! You mean you're allowing him to fire me?

Me, your old friend? Me, your dependable night man?

I'm sorry, Ed, but, you know, business is business.

And I handle the business.

Well, at least I tried.

Wasn't easy getting up at four o'clock in the morning

and handling that cold trash.

And I never even asked for a pair of gloves.

Ed, you're the best man that ever worked for me.

- Thank you. - And, Mr. Brown, here.

One, two, three, four...

$500.

And I hope this severance pay

will make you feel a little better.

Well, it'll help.

Ed, you're beautiful.

Now, when the Book of Friendship is written,

your name will be right next to Damon and Runyon.

You mean Damon and Pythias.

Watch your mouth... Come on, Mr. Tubbs.

Oh, oh, one thing before we go.

Our new card, Mr. Brown, and our new motto.

"When you think about us, don't think about garbage.

But when you think about garbage, think about us."

Oh, what a lovely saying.

It does have a certain ring to it, doesn't it?

[laughing] Let's go.

I can't wait to find out

what Mrs. Maroney's new garbage cans--

Refuse! Refuse! Refuse!

Congratulations, Ed, you took that quite well.

Well, these things happen, you know.

I know, but most men would have been begging

and complaining and asking for their jobs back.

Oh, not me.

- Hey, Salvador! - You want me, Mr. Brown?

Yeah, I got bad news for you, kid. We've just been fired.

So I'm gonna give you half of you severance pay.

- One hundred. - Okay.

Well, thank you for the job, Mr. Brown.

I'll work you in whenever I can.

You stick with me, kid, you'll be a winner.

- See you later. - Wait just a minute.

Wait, wait just a minute. Wh-what's going on here?

Oh, nothing. Nothing's going on here.

Oh, it's not nothing.

E-Ed Brown is a wonderful man.

And just what makes him so wonderful?

He doesn't have time to tell you now, he has another engagement.

Just a minute. Just a minute. Come back here, Salvador.

Come back here. Now, what is it?

Well... Ed let me drive the night shift for Louie,

and he's paying me half of his salary.

- Isn't that wonderful? - No, no, no, goodbye.

Goodbye, Salvador. Have a good time.

- Okay, see you later. - Go buy a new Cadillac.

Why, you conniving sneak.

No wonder you weren't feeling any pain,

you weren't doing anything!

Of course not. That's the way to run a business.

I'm gonna get in my truck and get outta here. Oh!

Hey, Ed, we got a big surprise for you.

Yeah, you, you never...

Never in a hundred years...

You'll never guess what it is, you rascal.

Well, let me try.

You two just won first prize

in the fashion show at the city dump.

No, no, no.

As part of our promotional drive,

my partner and I here, Tubbsy,

are gonna give you one free pickup.

Well, isn't that wonderful?

Help yourself boys. There's enough there for the two of you.

Well, thank you, sir.

Oops, well, you're not gonna like this, Louie.

You know what? It's not wrapped.

If it's not wrapped, we can't take it.

Well, I'm not gonna wrap it.

This is the Barrio, not the suburbs.

Yeah, no wrap, no carry.

Oh, now, just a minute, partner. Don't forget our sacred oath.

Oh... of course, Louie. I'm sorry.

No can is too small. No load is too cluttered.

We know on which side our bread is buttered.

[humming]

Well, there they go.

The sunshine boys of sanitation.

[Jack] Chico and the Man was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios,

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪♪