Original subtitles

♪ One two... A one two three and... ♪

[theme song]

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪

- Ed... - Ed, my foot.

I'm cleaning up his office.

Looks like he got a picnic for litterbugs.

- You do windows? - Don't you sass me, Chico.

If you men don't start taking better care of my property

I'm gonna hire a housekeeper and charge you.

Chico. Chico. Hey!

I need help. Help! Help!

- You don't know what's going-- - What's the matter?

I'll tell you what's the matter.

My room is now a swimming pool.

Shh. Della will raise your rent.

What? What was that? What happened up there?

I'll tell you what happened. It's your lousy plumbing.

The water in my bathtub backed up

and now my socks are floating in the alley.

Well, you've got a washing machine

what're your socks doing in the tub?

They weren't in the tub, they were on the floor.

Well, it serves your right for leaving them lying around.

Yeah, why don't you hang them on the nail on the door?

That's what the hole in the toes are for.

Shut up. Are you going to fix it or not?

You clogged it, you clean it.

- Why you, one of these days-- - Ed!

Please, uh, let me. With just one small swing for mankind.

All right. You owe me some white Snoopy socks.

And don't forget it.

Well. He did it again.

He woke up this morning on the wrong side of his head.

You should've seen him at breakfast.

Instead of snap-crackle-pop a cereal hissed at him.

I'm sorry I even started this.

This man does not need a housekeeper.

He needs a zoo keeper.

What Ed needs is a good woman.

Now, please, don't start that again.

Well, it's true.

He needs a good woman to love him, admire him

take care of him.

Good woman to unclog his pipes.

A lady plumber wouldn't be a bad idea.

Come on, Della. You know lots of women.

Don't you know anybody we can fix him up with?

A widow, a lonely divorcee, a lonely old maid?

Why me? Why don't try one of these computer dating services?

I did, they analyzed his personality

and match him up with a moose.

I've tried everything, Della.

Maybe, you can think of something.

Well, let me see. Who do I know in Alaska?

Why Alaska?

Well, if it works out, he might move there.

Wait a minute, I'll get the phone.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Ed Brown's garage.

Oh, hi, Sugar Bridges. Yeah, it's only me.

Yeah, hold on a minute. She's here.

Mother Courage, it's for you.

- Who is it? - Sugar Bridges.

- I'll sweep up. - Thanks.

Hello.

Oh, yeah.

Well, tell her I'll call her back in about 10 minutes.

Chico... you are not going to believe this.

Well, try me.

That call was about a lady I admitted to art counsel.

And she wants me to help her buy a used car.

Why wouldn't I believe that?

Peggy Randall is a widow. And her only son is in Chicago.

Mm-hmm. You're coming in loud and clear.

A lonely widow, huh?

Yeah, there's only one problem though.

Peggy is so sweet I just don't have the heart

to introduce her to Ed Brown.

Yeah, he'd never go for a setup date anyway.

He turned down the moose.

But, you know, I think I know how we can get them to meet.

How?

Well, you said she's buying a used car.

So, she's got to have it checked out by a reliable mechanic.

Ed maybe a grouch but he's reliable.

Oh, yeah. You can always rely on him to be an old grouch.

Della, that phone call was fate.

You call Peggy Randall and tell her to come down here

so Ed can check her out.

- Tell her to bring her car too. - Okay.

There we are.

- Hey, Ed. - What?

- The plumber get here yet? - Yeah.

He was here a couple hours ago. You know what he did?

Dropped two aspirins in the bathtub

and said if it didn't look any better in the morning

to give him a call.

- What's that? - It's a present from Della.

Well. Guilty conscious, eh?

Here, isn't this nice?

- Take it back. I don't want it. - Come on. At least try it on.

Why do I have to try it on? I-I don't like it.

This is one hundred percent pure virgin wool.

How do you know? Maybe the sheep was lying.

No. Now take your hands off.

- I don't need any help. - I'm just buttoning it up.

- Yes ma'am. Let me help you. - Oh.

Good afternoon.

Which of you two gentlemen is Ed Brown?

Who wants to know?

- Why me. I'm Peggy Randall. - Oh, Mrs. Randall.

T-this is Ed Brown, over here at your service.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I'm thinking of buying this car

and I was advised to have you check it over first.

- Chico, take care of it. - I'm Chico.

Oh, but I was told to ask for you personally.

Forget it.

They said you are a fabulous mechanic.

Listen, my associate will handle the whole... What did you say?

I said, I was told that Ed Brown was a great mechanic.

You said fabulous, but let's not quibble.

All right, what can I do for you?

Oh, I'm such a ninny when it comes to cars.

And I would appreciate very much if you look this over

and see if it's in good shape.

Yeah, well if it's half the shape you are in

it's worthwhile looking into.

They didn't tell me you were also witty.

They didn't want to lie to you.

Excuse me.

- He's cute. - Yeah.

All right, Mrs. Randall...

- Peggy. - Oh, Peggy.

That's short for Margaret, isn't it?

- Yes. - Yes.

And Ed is short for Edgar.

Ah, no, no. Edward.

- Oh, Edward. - Yeah.

Like the kings of England.

Oh, how true.

All right, let's take a look and see

what's going on inside here.

Let me see. Where is it? There.

Here we are. Right here. That's it.

Oh!

Well, your release catch is working fine.

That's a good sign.

Goodness mercy me, look at all those thingamabobs.

Do you know what they all are?

Oh, I'll have you know I'm an expert on thingamabobs.

Well, what's that metal doohickey over there?

Oh, that's a beautifully turned ankle there.

Would you mind showing me that again, dear?

It's that little thing right there.

Yeah.

I mean that's the carburetor over there. Yes.

Well, what do you say, uh...

Shall we take a little spin?

Well, excuse me if you don't mind here.

- What're you doing there? Oh! - Well see, this goes there.

- That's better. - Oh, thank you. Quite nice.

You know Margaret used to do that for me.

- Who? - My late wife.

- Oh, your late wife. Oh! - Yeah, my late wife.

Thank you.

Well, uh, none of the vital parts are missing.

Why don't we take her out for a little trial run, huh?

You're the mechanic Ed.

Okay, hop in, Margaret.

- Oh, Peggy. - Uh, Peggy.

Oh, but you can call me Margaret.

- Okay, Peggy. - Thank you.

Step right in there. That's the idea. Chico!

Della, hold on.

- Yeah? - Uh...

Peggy and I are going out for about an hour.

- So, keep an eye on everything. - Okay.

Ah! Good, good, good, good, good, good. Yes.

Hey, there's a little bar about halfway down the block.

Della. Looking good!

Hey, there, Chico!

Buenos dias, amigo.

No, no, no. Buenas noches. That's evening.

Oh, really? I thought it was Hungarian.

What's the latest on the beauty and the beast.

Beauty has turned the beast into a prince charming.

It's like a fairytale.

Turning Ed into anything charming

is more like science fiction.

Well, whatever it is it's magic.

He's seen Peggy for three nights in a row.

I think he's really serious about her.

She really turns him on.

Why, that's amazing.

I thought his switch was disconnected years ago.

Hey, Chico! I've been looking all over.

Where's my wash and wear tie?

Right here, Ed. I've been ironing it.

- Okay. Let me have it. - Hi there, Ed.

Oh, hello, Louie. Well, I'm glad you're here Louie.

I have to inform you I'll be unable

to go bowling with you tonight.

You see, Peggy and I are going to see

the Burbank String Quartet.

- String Quartet? - Yeah.

Since when are you a tennis fan?

Music, you peon. Music.

The Burbank String Quartet it's three banjos and a drummer.

Yeah, it is. Never mind that.

Give me that tie and get out of the way.

All right, all right.

I'll have you know that Peggy and I have been having a ball.

Yes, for it's nice to know, I've still got it.

Well, you know the old saying.

"If you don't use it, you lose it."

Yeah.

Before mine goes over the hill

I wish Della could fix me up with a fine fox too.

What do you mean "fine... fox... fix you up too?"

Yeah, what do you mean Louie, uh, meeting Peggy was fate!

Kismet.

- Kiss-what? - Ah, kiss-what?

Kismet. That's fate. That's how Peggy and I met.

Well, ain't the way that I heard it.

Now, Della told me--

Louie, close your entire mouth.

You close your entire mouth.

I want to hear what Della told Louie. Well?

- Well, she-she said that-that... - What is that?

She said she sent Ms. Randall in here

to have her car checked out.

She did, huh?

- Uh, for you to check it out. - Yeah and you to check her out.

Oh... and you guys knew this all the time?

You knew this was a setup?

Hey, no wonder she know all the things that Margaret liked.

You are the one that tipped her off, you Latin loud mouth.

You and Della ought to be hung.

All right, Ed, we were just thinking of your happiness.

Happiness is a bluebird.

Not an old crow and a Chicano stool pigeon.

Now, Ed, Ed, don't flip your bird, see.

- I'll flip anything I want to. - Excuse me, gentlemen.

Ed, dear, I found a parking space in the street.

Oh, really?

Well, did you find it all yourself

or did Della fix it up for you too?

- Oh, what're you talking about? - Uh, Peggy, uh...

He found out that Della sent you here to meet him.

She sent me in to have my car checked out.

Yeah, and to have me checked out too.

Oh, do you mean Della arranged this whole thing?

- Yeah. - That's right.

Old, Della Kismet.

We were thinking of you both.

Oh, I didn't know anything about it, Ed. Believe me.

Believe you, huh? How much did you pay Della?

Pay her? Pay... To meet an old walrus like you?

Old walrus? Why, you cackle head.

- Ed. - Silly goat!

- Peggy! - Goodnight.

Goodbye.

- Peggy. - Ed.

- Peggy. - Ed!

- Louie. - Chico.

Well, we really messed that up.

Yeah, wait till Della finds out that the old crow

and the Mexican pair just laid a big fat egg.

- Here, Ed. - Okay.

Wish you'd stop being so stubborn.

So, what if Della played matchmaker?

A lot of romances are arranged.

That's how Eleanor met Franklin.

Queen Elizabeth met Philip.

Toulouse and Latreche.

Toulouse Latreche was one person.

Well, see, how close you become when you're very much in love?

Well, I didn't need a matchmaker to meet my first true love.

- It was fate. - How did you meet Margaret?

Well, if you really wanna know, it was very romantic.

There I was working in my father's butcher shop

and she came in to buy a pair of panties.

Oh.

A pair of panties in a butcher shop?

- Lamb chop panties. - Oh.

You see, uh, she was new in town

and my George, uh, informed her that we make the best

and finest lamb chop panties this side of Paris.

Uh, Ed, you always told me that Margaret was a vegetarian.

That's right, a devout vegetarian as a matter of fact.

Yes sir, she could do 83 things with broccoli.

And when it came to turnips, I have to tell you that she...

Wait a minute.

She was a vegetarian. What was she doing in a butcher shop?

That meeting was arranged.

- By George. - By George is right.

Oh.

I feel terrible.

I guess, I really over reacted with Peggy.

Huh, you sure did. Don't you always?

I'll be surprised if she even speaks to you again.

Yeah, well...

You got to do something for me.

You've got to call her and talk to her for me.

No way, Jose.

Oh, come on. Now, who's being stubborn?

Ed from now on this one Mexican stool pigeon

that's keeping his beak shut.

- Oh, that's nice. - Ed.

Peggy. Oh.

- Can you ever forgive me? - We certainly do.

Who asked you?

Ed, I don't like being manipulated either.

But when we're our age, does make any difference

how we found each other?

Of course, it doesn't.

I said, I'm not talking to you. You stay out of this.

Oh, I'm sorry I called you an old walrus.

That's all right my dear. I am an old walrus.

But you make me feel like a young sea lion.

Chico. Throw him a fish.

That's a good idea Della. I'll take him out for one with chips.

Okay, let's go.

And there's a nice, little bar

right next to the fish and chips store.

Wow!

- Almost missed it. - Almost missed it.

♪ I don't care if the market crashes ♪

♪ 'Cause all my dough is tied up in trashes ♪

Louie, you sing like a bird.

- Oh, thank you, Chico. - A vulture.

Hey, that's nice.

Uh, well, what is it?

Peggy gave it to Ed. It's the Inca god of fertility.

For Ed?

Futility is more like it.

Nah, I wouldn't be too sure, Louie.

You know last night, he didn't get back

'til after two in the morning.

Well, maybe the old man run out of gas, Chico.

Well, if he did, it was in lover's lane.

He had so much lipstick on his shirt

he looked like he got mugged by Helena Rubinstein.

You know something?

Our big boy really digs Ms. Randall.

- They're talking marriage. - Marriage?

To each other?

Far out, huh? I'm a little worried about Ed.

I don't think he knows her long enough to know if he loves her.

Well, Chico, love doesn't matter.

You know at Ed's age, it's, uh, companionship that counts.

And he better do it before she finds out

what kind of companion he really is.

So, uh...

♪ Here comes the bride all dressed in yellow ♪

♪ She'd be wearing white but she's had another fellow ♪

♪ La la la la la... ♪

Hey, help yourself.

♪ La la la la la... ♪

Hey, you.

Is there an Ed Brown in this dismal establishment?

- Who may I say is calling? - Lawrence Pritchett Randall.

Oh, you're Peggy's son.

I flew in from Chicago the moment I heard about

mother's ridiculous affair with this Brown person.

Wait a minute chum. He happens to be a friend of mine.

I'm Francisco Rodriguez.

I don't care if you're the man of La Mancha.

- I'm here to rescue my mother. - Rescue her from what?

From this, obviously.

Mother is a lady of culture and means. A fine background.

From one of California's first families.

Oh, is she Mexican too?

Certainly not!

And how she ever got involved with this... this... mechanic.

Now wait a papaya picking minute man.

When this greasy fingered

fortune hunting friend of your shows up would you--

Hold it!

Now if he marries your mother--

Marry? My mother? To a common laborer?

You're talking about a man that treats me like a son.

So, I'm just liable to become your half brother.

Won't that be fun, then we can borrow

each other's polo ponies.

You're quite ill, aren't you?

Why don't you Mexicans go back to where you belong?

- To Cuba. - Wait a minute, man.

My people in this country settled peacefully

while yours were still having trouble at Little Big Horn.

That's for starters gringo.

I will not listen to this drivel.

Yes, you will. I listened to yours. Sit down, man.

Now, about Mr. Brown being a common laborer

it was people like Ed Brown who made this country.

They got their hands dirty so you can keep your pants clean.

And let me lay something on you Lawrence Pritchett Randall

if you're what your mama raised

then she ain't good enough for him.

Hey, hey, hey. What's going on? What's all the hollering about?

- Mother. - L.P.

What're you doing here?

Ed have you been in your bedroom all this time?

His bedroom? Mother, do you know what you're doing?

Well yes, I was coming down out of Ed's bedroom.

You're coming home with me this minute.

Don't you give her orders.

You stay out of this, you dirty old man.

Dirty old man?

L.P, don't you talk to Mr. Brown like that.

Mother, I'm shocked!

Why can't you be like a normal son and neglect me?

Yeah.

Why can't you leave us alone?

Mother, how can you even associate with this... this...

...moth-eaten grease monkey.

- Grease monkey? - L.P. you're out of line.

Why don't I pop L.P. on his flip side?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'll do my own popping.

Put 'em up, you pipsqueak!

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Peggy. Wait a minute. Wait-wait, hey, listen, listen.

What's coming off here?

- His head. - Oh!

Come on, mother. I'm taking you out of this junk.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Will you stop it? You're acting like children.

Mother, are these the kind of friends you want?

A donkey and a wet back?

Who are you calling a donkey, honky?

Oh, Della, that was uncalled for.

Yeah, Della, you can call him something else.

- How about tryin'...? - Oh, Chico!

- You stay out of this. - He's askin' for it!

Don't you raise your voice at my mother.

I'll raise a lump on your head, your bigot!

Hold it!

Mother, I have only one thing to say.

If father were alive he would take a very

dim view of this relationship.

But the decision is yours.

You're going to have to choose. It's either me or that thing.

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry, Ed, I guess I blew my top.

And I didn't help any with my honky remark.

Oh. I-I just don't believe it. Margaret's gone.

How could a nice woman like that

have such a miserable creep for a son.

Why couldn't they leave us alone?

Life was just beginning to look so beautiful and now...

Ed.

- Oh. - Peggy, you came back!

Of course.

I couldn't embarrass my son by telling him off in front of you.

Besides, h-he's given me his sullen promise

he's going to runaway from home.

Oh, good.

That's great! That means your wedding is going to be on.

Oh no, no, no, no.

No, we talked about it up at Ed's room.

And we decided not to be pushed into marriage at this time.

But I changed my mind. I want you two to get married.

Yeah, and as the senior partner of Matchmaker's Incorporate

I second the motion.

Oh, listen you two, it was because of your meddling

that this whole thing started

and I-I must say we're very grateful.

But from now on, please lay off.

- I second that motion. - Yeah.

We're young enough to have a romantic relationship.

And we're old enough to appreciate it.

Yeah.

And if ever do get married

you of course, will be invited to the wedding.

But in the meantime, if you should need us

we'll be in Palm Springs.

We're going to Peggy's house there for the weekend.

See ya. Ed, Ed, Ed.

Aren't you gonna take any luggage?

Luggage? Oh, of course.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What happened? - Ed.

Leave the god of fertility here.

I may need help.

There's a little bar right behind the Country Club.

[humming] Morning, Chico.

- Morning, Della. - Ed back from the Springs yet?

He got back last night.

I hear they had miserable weather.

They had a rainstorm and a windstorm.

Yeah but that was outdoors and Peggy's place is indoors.

And there was a full moon indoors.

[howls]

[humming]

- Oh. - Morning, Ed.

Hello Della. How are you, Chico? Good to see you here.

Sounds like you and Peggy had a real good time

up there at the Springs.

Oh, yes, we had a wonderful time as the kids say, uh...

...marvie. Marvie.

That's right. That's the way they put it.

And I, uh... wanted to take... I...

Oh, hold this for a moment, will you old boy?

Okay.

[humming]

You and me together? All right.

[narrator] Chico and The Man was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC studios

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's all right yeah ♪