Original subtitles

♪ One two ah one two three and... ♪

[theme song]

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and the man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and the man ♪♪

[slams lid]

What's the matter with you? Why'd you do that?

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

I just wanna borrow a sandwich.

Della's not gonna like it.

- Ah... Della. - [alarm blaring]

[man on alarm system] Trespassers will be prosecuted to the foot instead of the law.

Trespassers will be prosecuted...

Shut it off, shut it off, shut it off! Oh, oh.

Didn't I tell you Della wouldn't like it?

What is this, your idea of a joke?

No, it's Della's idea of protection.

She's tired of getting ripped off.

In this neighborhood what does she expect?

Hey, wait a minute.

What is that? B. B. B. B.?

Oh, that stands for Barrio Better Business Bureau.

That's a laugh. What business?

The only people making a living around here is the A.M.A.

American Muggers Association.

Anyway, you're safe.

I mean what self-respecting mugger

is gonna hit your cash register, Ed?

All he's gonna get is 64 cents and an empty shot glass.

I've been in business around here longer than anybody else.

Why didn't they invite me to join?

Well, Della would love it, will you?

- I certainly would not. - Then, why'd you ask?

I just wanted to get my refusal on record.

Oh, come on, man, this group can help us.

You know Della carries a lot of weight.

Yeah.

And that's where I'd like to kick her

right where she carries it.

Hi, fellas.

[Chico laughs]

Hi, Della.

We were uh, just talking about you.

So, I heard.

- Ed? - What?

If anybody ever offers you a penny for your thoughts

he's got change coming.

Ed, Della's just trying to make this community

a better place to live.

Then why doesn't she move?

That's my plan, to get this whole Barrio moving again.

Well, next time, move in South of the border.

Why don't we move it to Beverley Hills

they could use a nice Barrio.

Ed, we're having a very important meeting tonight.

Now, why don't you come?

That no parking ordinance is hurting your fellow merchants.

My fellow merchants?

My fellow merchants

moved out of this area years ago.

Let's see, there was Giuseppe Caruso, the shoe maker.

There was Patty O'Brian, the bartender.

There was Fran Yorgenson, the baker.

And there was Haime Chosmicher, the butcher.

And after they moved out, then the foreigners moved in.

Ed. Everybody is a foreigner in this neighborhood

except for the guy who sells the beaded moccasins,

Chief Howling Wolf.

That phony Indian? I knew him when his name as Herman Pincus.

Oh.

Ed Brown!

You have got to get that chip off your shoulder

and stop lashing out at the world.

You're a minority just like the rest of us.

Me, a minority? I'm a grassroots American.

Yeah, crab grass.

Ed, you just admitted you're the only Anglo left around here.

You're the last of the pale faces.

I am not a minority.

What I am is an outnumbered majority.

Oh, Della, now you take him and you talk to him.

The fact is my friend you would be a minority anywhere.

How many people do you know who eat Cornflakes

and Bourbon for breakfast?

Yeah, and how many people put blow out patches

on their underwear?

Well, if you've got to get personal

everybody is a minority at one time or another.

Yeah, and that's what's beautiful.

Yeah, it gives a person a reason to need somebody.

You know something? You two are beginning to make me

feel like a potato chip.

Mixed up in a bag of Fritos.

Well, it's high time you started mixing.

It's high time you started mixing.

It's a disgrace, you've been living in this neighborhood

all this time and never even bothered

to learn one word of Spanish.

I think he's afraid to find out

what they've been writing on his walls.

Never mind.

- Ed Brown. - What?

If you don't come to that meeting, somebody is just liable

to report this greasy old garage as a fire hazard.

What is this, some kind of blackmail?

Well, it ain't white mail baby.

Look, now, you're not frightening me Della Rogers.

I don't care what you say. I'm going to that meeting.

- Here, try some of this. - Gracias.

Ed knows that this meeting starts at 8 o'clock.

Where is he?

Oh, when I left, he was in front of the mirror

practicing his sneers.

Oh, let me talk to him.

Della, you're guacamole está delicioso.

Just like my mother used to make.

Well, your mother gave me the recipe.

Please give it back to her, she doesn't make it anymore.

Ed, I'm glad you're here.

You're in time for a drink before the meeting starts.

- Where's the bar? - Here's the bar.

Fruit punch, iced tea and coffee.

What is this, an AA meeting?

Looks more like wet backs anonymous.

Hey, watch it minority before you become extinct.

- Ah. - Here.

And if it's not strong enough, just breathe in it.

Hey Ed, you got to try the guacamole man.

It'll turn your mouth into a fiesta.

Tastes like something the pygmies dipped their arrows in.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

May I have your attention please?

- Would you please be seated? - Yes, of course.

- Thank you. - I'll sit down.

[indistinct chatter]

As acting chairperson, I now call this meeting to order.

And it gives me great pleasure to welcome all you

good civic minded citizens

and Mr. Ed Brown.

Why is everybody looking?

Uh, although he's not a member

Mr. Brown has helped to make this Barrio

what it is today.

That's a lie, these people are responsible for that.

[indistinct shouts]

Ah, it's a compliment, it's a compliment

it's a compliment, the man's too modest.

There's no need to defend Mr. Brown, Chico.

Everybody knows exactly what he is.

You take that back.

Brown? Quiet please.

- Madam Chairperson? - [Della] Yes, Mr. Lopez?

Have you contacted City Council?

Yes, and Councilman Rivera has agreed

to come to our next meeting.

Then, I suggest that we first select a leader.

Yeah. We need someone who is respected in the community.

Someone who speaks eloquently, someone who knows the law

someone who graduated high school.

First we have to get a plan then we'll get a leader!

He's right.

How can we get a plan

first without a leader?

Dr. Spanola, please, just sit down

and we'll discuss this in an orderly manner.

- All right. - Yes!

First we will discuss how

to get a plan!

Garcia never knows how to do things right.

- He messes everything up! - I mess things up?

[indistinct shouting in Spanish]

Quiet!

What is this, the Spanish inquisition?

- Mr. Chairlady? - Yes?

If these people are gonna yell, tell 'em to yell in English.

[speaking in Spanish]

Shut up!

I suggest that we just table the election and move on

to our problem of the no parking ordinance.

I suggest that

we eliminate the parking only on

the west side of La Paloma.

He's right.

I suggest that Mr. Lopez suggestion is ridiculous.

He just wants all the business for his side of the street.

- He's also right. - What's the difference?

People can walk across the street.

But they shop more on the side they park on.

Oh, Lopez.

Who's right now, lady?

I don't wanna get involved.

Now, wait just a moment.

Mr. Lopez, has a very good point.

In this neighborhood people do like

to keep their eyes on their cars.

Wait, if we are going to have parking

on one side of the street

why can't they park on my side of the street?

Why should it be your side? My store is open all night.

[indistinct shouting in Spanish]

Hey! Shut up!

That does it.

You people came here to solve a problem and all you do is argue.

And not even in the right language.

- Ed, where are you going? - I'm going home!

And as a minority, I suggest you people do the same!

Even if it means swimming the Rio Grande.

[indistinct shouting]

All right, wait a minute!

I didn't say it, he said it!

[shouting continues]

♪♪

Hey, Ed! Ed, I got to talk to you.

Mm, what? What happened?

- Congratulations. - Congratulations for what?

Oh. For eating the guacamole and still staying alive?

No, on finally getting that group of people

to agree on something.

They're coming here to lynch me?

No, no, are you ready for this?

- What? - El presidente?

El presidente?

- What? - That's right.

You have just been elected president

of the B. B. B. B. Hail to the chief.

You mean those people elect me president

after the way I yelled at them? They must be crazy!

Hey, my people like a leader who yells.

- It means he's a fighter. - Oh.

We Latinos are spirited and hot blooded.

And as we say...

[speaking in Spanish]

What does that mean?

It means you're right, they were crazy to elect you.

Okay.

But, that's America, Ed.

If you got a big enough mouth, you can become president.

Yeah. Ah...

Cinco, seis, siete...

Ah... um...

- What's eight? - Well, look in the book.

Well, can't I just say four plus four?

No, seeing it in print helps you remember, go on.

Okay, where is it?

Ah, here it is, yeah.

Ocho. That's it.

Ocho, nueve, diez...

Magnífico.

What's that, eleven?

No, no, Español, Español. Habla.

Aye, you've been eating onions?

Yeah.

Do me a favor, hablo in the other direction.

Come on man, it's about time you learned Spanish.

Yeah, you're right I was just thinking about it.

I think it's only fair that I should learn

the language of my people.

You know something, I was watching television last night

and I saw Charo and I learned two new Spanish words.

- Yeah, what were they? - Coochie-coochie.

[laughs]

[horn honks]

Hey, here's a chance for you to try out your new vocabulary.

- Go habla. - Okay.

Good morning, Mr. Brown.

Ah, coochie-coochie, señorita.

What? What?

Uh... Buenos dias, Ed.

El Señor Brown está aprendiendo español.

Hay, pero qué bueno. Qué super super super

de saber que usted es nuestro aliado.

Wha-wha-what's that all about?

Habla mas despacio, por favor.

Bueno... ¿Cómo está usted?

Oh, fine, thank you.

- Huh? - Muy bien.

Muy bien. Muy bien.

Perfecto.

Necesito cuatro neumáticos.

¿Comprende?

Oh, wait a minute I have to look at--

Mrs. Torro needs four new tires.

Oh, sí.

This uh, way.

¿Los neumáticos están en venta?

Eh, sí.

¿Cuanto para todos?

- Huh? - How much for all four?

Oh, C, yeah.

¿Sí?

I think he means "C" like in "C" note.

A hundred bucks for the whole set.

Are you kidding? You're a bigger bandit than Pancho Villa.

Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Is that any way to talk to your president?

- I abstained from the vote. - Oh.

In that case, I'm gonna give you a discount.

Señorita.

I'm going to give you four tires for $75.

Oh, muy bien, Señor Presidente.

Put them on, and I'll be back.

Coochie-coochie!

Eh, well how did I do?

Muy bien, except for one thing Ed.

Ah, you called Mrs. Torro Señorita.

A married woman is señora, señorita is "young girl."

Oh. You teach me Spanish

and I'll teach you how to sell tires.

Ah, no wonder your people got California away from us.

Ah, get to work.

- Hi, Della. - Hi, baby.

Oh-oh, Della?

Buenas tardes, buenas noches and Pueblo Colorado.

And a happy Santa Monica to you too.

Listen, El Presidente.

Councilman Rivera, has agreed to come to our meeting tonight

and discuss that "No parking" ordinance.

Discuss? There will be no discussion.

I will hablo and they will listen.

I have mandate for my people.

You should hear El Presidente.

Do you know he can count from one to ten

without even looking in the book?

Oh, that's wonderful, Ed.

That'll make such a stirring inaugural address.

Listen, don't forget about the meeting, now.

- Eight o'clock, tonight. - I'll be there.

Buenos tacos, amigo.

And as for you, get hold of those neumáticos

and put them on the car, I'll be in the oficina .

Are you cracking open another bottle of tequila?

If you want to think Mexican, you got to drink Mexican.

- He's something. - Oh, I tell you.

When that man makes his mind up to something

he sure goes all out.

[chuckles] That ain't nothing, he's been studying up on Mexico.

You should've heard what he had said to me

at breakfast this morning.

In English or in Spanish?

Who knows? He said something like...

[imitates Ed] "Chico you know, I'd like to live the way

your people do in the old country.

Sitting under the shade of a sarape tree.

Drinking a cool glass of haciendas

and then riding a cucaracha bareback across the green briales.

And then I come home and my esposa

makes me a wine-- wonderful dinner of refried fiestas."

I can hardly wait till he learns to speak French

he'll probably go riding on a filet mignon.

And eat a lot of merci beaucoup.

Well, arrivederci, paisano.

[indistinct chatter]

He should've been here 15 minutes ago.

Well, maybe I better say something.

- Yes. Okay. - Excuse me, just for a minute.

Uh, I'm so sorry about the delay, councilman.

I told Ed to be here at eight o'clock.

Oh, that's all right, Della.

Oh, I hate to keep you waiting. Chico, where is Ed?

Well, when I left he was painting some posters

and he said he was gonna call Caesar Chavez.

What?

Oh, well, maybe I better go on without him.

- Let's go. - Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

Could I get you to take your seats please?

- Thank you, please be seated. - Okay.

Thank you so much.

It is now my great pleasure

to introduce Councilman Rivera.

[applause]

Thank you, Della.

Thank you friends, I, I regret the "no parking" ordinance

on La Paloma Street during the evening hour.

It's hurting local business.

But, parked cars create a bottle-neck

for freeway traffic.

So, we have to suffer just 'cause some guy hurrying home

on the freeway wants to get home to beat up his old lady.

[indistinct chatter]

Friend. In a democracy the majority rules.

Wife beaters outnumber the merchants.

[everybody laughing]

So, because the majority rules in one way

we get it in all ways.

- Yeah. - Oh, please friends, please.

Hey, wait, wait, wait a minute.

I think Chico's giving us the answer.

What?

Well, if we make La Paloma a one way street going south

we can still have the traffic and still permit parking.

What a wonderful idea I had!

[praises in Spanish]

It's so simple even my fellow councilmen will understand it.

[everybody laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

Yes sir, ladies and gentlemen, señors and señoritas,

barrios and burritos. El Presidente is here!

There, pass these on.

By tomorrow, news of our oppression

will have reached every corner of the Barrio.

Ah, cool it, Zapata, the revolution has been postponed.

I am your leader and I say

we stop at nothing short of victory!

This meeting is going to order!

Ed, the meeting is over.

What do you mean over? How can it be over?

When our poor people are still struggling.

Look at this poor people, look how they suffer.

Look at this poor peasant!

Look this man is suffering from malnutrition.

Oh.

- I'm your councilman, sir! - Oh, it's worse than I thought.

We must fight, fight, fight! That's what--

You are a loco!

Della came up with a solution that

even the Councilman approved.

No woman speaks to me.

They should all be home, making tamales and bambinos.

- Oh. - And you sir.

What tricks have you and the federales

planned for our people?

Mr. Brown, I'm going to recommend

they make La Paloma a one way street.

Ah, clever, very clever indeed. But, not clever enough.

This man is trying to lead us into a trap.

Have you been spiking your tequila with bourbon?

If they make La Paloma one way street

when we march on City Hall, they'll arrest us

for marching the wrong way on a one way street.

Mr. Brown, I can assure you that your march is not necessary.

Ah-ha, it's too late.

I've already alerted Chicano working people.

I've talked to the rancheros, the vaqueros,

the boleros and the torreros.

Estúpido.

Torreros means bullfighters.

Aha, and, when we're up against politician

that's what you're fighting, bull!

Councilman...

Please excuse him he just got carried away.

He should be put away!

Ah... quiet, you City Hall hippopotamus!

Oh.

I as a presidente have promised my people a march!

And nobody's gonna rain on my parade!

Ed Brown, you shut up your mouth, it's out of order.

Friends, I've spent enough time here but before I leave

I do have one suggestion for you.

Impeach your president!

[indistinct chatter]

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

You can't impeach me that's the gringo way!

Our way is to put me in front of a firing squad.

Now, you stop this idiotic behavior at once.

Sí, you made us all look like fools

because we elected such a clown.

Yes, we elected Ed Brown the garage man!

Not some patronizing caricature of a Latin loudmouth!

[indistinct shouting]

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Quiet!

Let me speak.

Thank you.

I speak to you in English.

And it's from the heart.

I want to apologize.

♪♪

I guess I was carried away.

I meant no offense.

I-I thought I was paying you a compliment

trying to become one of you.

But, I uh...

I see now... I see I failed.

Well, I guess...

...I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

So... this old dog is resigning.

Not only as your president but as a chicano.

Forgive me.

And, goodnight my fellow Americans.

[applause]

You know, all in all that meeting was a success, Chico.

We got a street going one way and a president going another.

Yeah, poor Ed, Della.

You know, he was up all night burning his Spanish book

and getting rid of his bottles of tequila.

Oh.

Oh boy, have I got a hangover.

So, that's how he got rid of those bottles?

- Here, let me help you. - Oh, thank you. Oh.

I just came in for a cup of black coffee.

Okay.

[sighs] Oh and Della.

As long as you're my landlady

I'd like you to cancel my lease.

Say what?

Yeah, well, I made such a damn fool of myself

last night, I...

...I'm gonna have to move out of the neighborhood.

Oh, where would you go?

Devil's Island, Delbur.

San Clemente.

What's the difference? Damn Romani ends everywhere.

Oh, Ed man, I know how you feel but stay anyway. We need you.

Oh, don't soft soap me Chico.

- I'm not needed here. - Oh, yes you are.

You're our token Anglo-Saxon.

Yeah, every neighbor needs a minority

to keep it typically American.

Yeah?

Well, maybe you're right, Chico.

I guess your people need somebody

to steal their hubcaps from.

Oh, I'll drink to that.

[theme song]

[male narrator] "Chico And The Man," was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ He spent much of his time in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat times are heard ♪

♪ Chico and the man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the man ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ All right yeah ♪♪