Original subtitles

[man] One, two, a one, two, three and...

[theme song plays]

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico, if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will for Chico and The Man ♪

[engine sputtering]

[man on radio] Big 10!

Camp-B 2-4-3-9.

I read you loud and clear, Fuzzy Daddy.

This is Lonesome Rabbit.

Lonesome Rabbit?

Why don't you go and lay an Easter egg?

Hey, Ed, where are you?

Ed, I want you to close your eyes now.

- Close my eyes, what for? - Yeah, close your eyes.

Oh, alright.

Open 'em, Ed.

Ah!

How you like it?

How's it look, huh? All right?

You look like a charcoal Q-Tip.

Well, one thing, it's cleanable and it's washable

and it's reversible.

And it's also horrible.

It looks like King Kong's elbow patch.

Okay, smiling Ed.

What are you doing on this festive eve?

- You wanna know what I'm doing? - Yeah.

I'm staying home.

- Alone on New Year's Eve? - That's right.

Why, man, that's a mean scene. Hey, look here, old buddy.

Why don't you come on and go with me to the garbagemen ball?

Oh, man, when we throw a party, it scatters.

What would I do at a garbage ball?

I don't know anybody there and nobody knows me.

Are you kiddin'?

Everybody knows you.

Why, the stuff that comes out of your can, Ed

has made you a living legend out at the dump.

And you, you could even have the first dance

with our prom queen, Miss Rubbish.

Miss Rubbish?

Hey, Louie. Hey, that's a really clean suit.

Fine, fi--

You have your head carpeted?

Wall-to-wall. How you like it?

I didn't know AstroTurf came in black.

Uh, look, Chico, it does feel a little wobbly up there.

You got something that can hold it down?

How about a couple of thumbtacks?

[imitates Flip Wilson] Come on, Geraldine, I'll give you some Afro Sheen.

Ed?

[Ed groans]

I didn't mean to startle you.

Oh, it's you. I was hoping it was a mugger.

- Better luck next time. - Yeah.

Is my truck ready, Mr. Bad Wrench?

No, I'm afraid you got ptomaine of the transmission

from that greasy soul food.

My food is not greasy.

No? So how come this truck gives out more gas than it takes?

You promised me you'd have it ready, Ed.

Now I got to try to find a cab.

Oh, I suppose you're going out tonight

to get smashed like everybody else

and wind up making a big fool of yourself.

Well, at least I'm going out.

You stay here and do it every night.

I'm going to a dance

at the Women's Equal Rights Club.

Women's Equal Rights Club?

You're gonna dance? Who's gonna lead?

We flip a coin, and with the fine thing

that's taking me this evening, I don't care if I lose.

That's right, see, now you got it.

- Yeah, I knew you'd like it. - [Della] Ah!

Well, if it isn't the sex symbol

of the Sanitation Department here.

Yeah, turn me loose, Della, 'cause I've got the juice.

[laughing]

You, did you see that thing, Ed? Uh...

[clears throat]

Well, I guess I better go home and get dressed. Um...

Where are you going tonight, Ed?

To the annual gripe and grouch festival?

No. I'm not going anywhere.

He's staying home alone.

Alone? Hey, wait a minute, Ed.

You can't stay home alone.

Even a lighthouse keeper has a few seagulls in

on New Year's Eve.

The only thing New Year's means to me

is that I'm a year closer to joining Margaret.

[door shuts]

And to think, this is the season to be merry.

Oh, he really grinds my gums. Why won't he go out?

Because he's lonely.

And for some people, the holiday season is the worst time.

It just brings back too many memories.

- [Louie] That's right. - You know that this year

ED didn't even buy a Christmas tree?

One Santa Claus showed up here

and Ed wouldn't let him use the bathroom.

Well, to each his own.

Anyway, you have a Happy New Year, baby.

- Happy New Year, Louie. - Happy New Year.

- Just a hand shake, Louie. - And Happy New Year to you.

[all] Happy New Year, Ed!

Happy New Year. You hear that, Margaret?

I said the same thing last year, and it didn't work.

I'm still here.

["Auld Lang Syne" plays on radio]

- [clatters] - [radio turns off]

[engine sputtering]

[engine sputtering]

[static on radio]

[woman on radio] Break-10. AMP 2440 calling. How about it?

Come in, anybody. This is Kissy Face.

Kissy Face?

Mercy, mercy, where are you Rubber Lippers tonight?

Get your ears on. Come in. Come in, this is Kissy Face.

Hey.

Um...

Uh, hi there.

- Well, hi there to you. - Yeah.

This is Kissy Face. What your handle?

My what? My handle?

Oh, oh!

Uh, this is, uh, Huggy Body.

- Huggy Body. Love it. - Yeah.

Love it. Where you shaking it?

Shaking? I'm not shaking anywhere.

I'm just sitting here in my service garage.

You mean you got your own pit stop?

Hey, that's a groove, Huggy Body.

- Yeah. Over. - Over.

♪ Over there and we won't come back ♪

♪ Till it's over over there ♪

- Ha-ha-ha... - Hey, say, baby.

I'll tool over.

I'm almost out of motion lotion.

Uh, motion lotion?

Yeah, go-go juice, gasoline, Huggy Body.

Oh, boy, you sure are green apple.

Yeah, but I'm delicious.

I'm a Winesap. Ha-ha...

Ah, sure. I'm on my way. Hey, what's your 20?

- My what? - Your 20.

- You know, where you at? - Oh, 1432 La Paloma Lane.

- Got it. 10-4. - Yeah.

No, no, no. 1432.

Hey, I'll see you pronto, Huggy Body.

Keep your nose between the ditches

and smoky out of your bridges.

Yeah.

And watch out for the bumps, uh,

so you won't get your seat full of lumps.

[laughs]

- Love it, love it! - Yeah.

This is Kissy Face done and gone.

Hey, Kissy Face.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, anybody home?

Yeah. I'm sorry, mister, the garage is closed.

- Mister? What you mean mister? - Yeah.

Listen, I was jaw-jacking with some buffalo on the CB

and I told him I was gonna tool right over here and...

Well, what are you looking at?

You mean... you're Kissy Face?

And you're Huggy Body.

- Oh, boy! - Oh, boy!

You're Huggy Body?

And you're Kissy Face?

Well, your body sure ain't huggy.

And that face sure ain't kissy.

- 23 CB stations, right? - Yeah.

Two million sets. Ugh!

And I had to hook up with a blown-out old tube.

And now I know what they mean by CB.

Creepy Broad.

- You know what you look like? - Yeah.

Nine miles of bad road.

You look like what caused it.

Why don't you blow it out your exhaust pipe?

I never expected anything like this on New Year's Eve.

On Halloween, maybe.

Listen, I always expect something like this on

New Year's Eve. It's the worst night of the year for me.

You mean you don't like it either?

- I hate it! - So do I.

- Why do you-- - Why--

Why do you hate New Year's Eve?

Well, I've hated it ever since Margaret died.

How long has that been?

- Ten years. - [chuckles] Funny.

- It's five for Billy D and me. - Yeah.

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry I yelled at you.

Ah, it's alright.

Listen, I'll, uh

I'll even take back nine miles of bad road.

Yeah. And I'll take back Creepy Broad.

[laughs]

- Tell you what I'll do. - What?

I'll even take back "blow it out your exhaust."

[chuckles]

Hey, you're okay, then.

- I think we ought to celebrate. - Hey, good idea.

- Follow me. - Right.

I, uh, I keep this away from prying eyes.

Oh!

My favorite bourbon, old bucket.

- How do you like it? - Neat.

- Neat, huh? - Right.

[clinking]

- There you go. - Okay.

- Down the freeway - And off the ramp.

[glasses clinking]

Hey, that is neat.

- Billy D taught me. - Yeah?

Well, Margaret never approved of this, you know?

But, uh, I know one thing she would have approved of.

- What? Yeah? - Your rig.

Yeah, she was crazy about campers.

- A-ha-ha! - And loved traveling.

Oh, listen, you-you see that raccoon tail there?

- Yeah. - Yeah, Billy D gave that to me.

- No kidding? - Yeah, he ran over the critter.

On our 26th anniversary.

Ah, you two must have had a lot of fun together.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Margaret gave me this.

Two elks with interlocking horns.

- Oh, that's rare. Very rare. - Yeah. Yeah.

Got it up in the Canadian Rockies.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Well, Billy D and I, we-we were gonna tool it up there

one day, but we never made it.

- No? - Nah.

He took tuba lessons instead.

- Tuba lessons? - Tuba lessons.

He loved it. Loved it.

One day he was out practicing in the backyard.

Big wind came along, screwed him six feet into the ground.

What a way to go.

Playing at your own funeral.

[chuckles]

You know what, he was playing our favorite song.

Yeah? What was that?

"Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy From Company B."

"Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy." The Andrew Sisters.

- Yeah. - Boy, I remember that.

I got a lot of records, I don't think

I got "Boogie Woogie Bugle--"

- Oh, that's alright. - But maybe, uh...

Maybe you'd like to hear our song.

You mean you and Margaret, your favorite song?

- Yeah. - You got it there?

- Oh, right here, right-- - Oh, play it for me.

Play it, I certainly will.

Let's see there. Yeah.

[instrumental music on record]

Oh, yeah.

Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade."

Yeah, Margaret and I used to go dancing every Sunday night

- at the Avalon Ballroom. - [chuckles]

Yeah.

Oh, uh, shall we, uh...

Hm?

Well, I guess, it has been years, but...

...okay.

♪♪

Uh...

Ready when you are, CB.

[chuckles]

You know, we're pretty lucky.

There's a lot of lonely people out there on the road tonight.

- Yeah, I'll 10-4 to that. - Yeah.

Oh, oh, yeah.

[chuckles]

Hey, that's a good one.

- You know something? - Yeah?

I tell you, I just can't believe this is New Year's Eve.

- I'm having such a good time. - Uh-huh.

Oh, I remember that one, too.

[laughs]

Yeah, that's a good one.

Ah, if I'd have known I was gonna be dancing tonight

I'd have borrowed Louie's toupee.

[laughs]

[clattering]

Ed!

Man, I've bene looking all over for...

Say, look.

Say, man, what happened to you?

Well, I told you we throw some wild parties.

Louie, what are you doing here?

Well, Chico, I just couldn't stand Ed being home alone.

- You understand what I mean? - Yeah, me neither.

But he's gone. Disappeared. Poof.

Poof? Well, where could he have poofed to?

You think he might've changed his mind

and went to Della's shindig?

No, I called Della. She hasn't seen him either.

- Well... - What's the record-player do--

Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade."

You know, Ed plays that when he misses Margaret.

Does he use lipstick, too?

Son of my gun.

Uh, looks like our little old party-pooper

found a party who un-pooped him.

[laughs]

That's our Ed, man.

Ah, this doesn't sound like our Ed, though.

- Something ain't right. - Well...

That lipstick on that glass, man.

What could have happened to him?

Wait a minute.

It's a fresh oil leak.

And there's a fresh gasoline leak.

Well, what does that mean?

Elementary, my dear Mr. Wilson.

Whatever was here was long and leaky.

Yeah, and wears lipstick.

This must have fell off of it, whatever it was.

Well, what does it say?

"This is a recreational vehicle.

Don't honk. People at play."

Mm-hmm.

Probably, come on, one of those campers.

- Yeah, motel on wheels. - Good for Ed.

- Good for Ed. Sure. - Good?

That poor old man is zonked out in a camper with some chick

on a highway full of drunks.

Yeah, some of them driving, too.

We've got to find them.

- We use the CB. - See who?

Citizens Band Radio. A lot of campers have 'em.

- Maybe we can get to 'em on it. - Oh, see what you can do.

[static on radio]

Hello, hello, calling Ed Brown.

Ed Brown, come in, please.

[man on radio] Breaker-10. Breaker-10.

Come in. Come in. Is that you, Ed?

Negative. This is Lonesome Rabbit.

Lonesome Rabbit?

Uh, Rabbit, have you seen a camper

with a tipsy old man in it?

No, I'm looking for one with a tipsy old woman.

[Lonesome Rabbit laughing]

Oh, these people.

Have you tried Dial-A-Date?

I even tried dial-a-drunk.

Hey, look, Chico, try another channel, man.

Get rid of that Lonesome Rabbit.

Hello? Calling Ed Brown. Calling Ed Brown.

[Ed on radio] Break-8. Break-8. Who wants to speak to Ed Brown? Over.

- Chico, that's him! - Ed, it's me, Chico.

[Ed] Negative. No names, please. You're on CB.

Okay, okay, this is Angry Matador.

Where are you, Ed?

[Ed] I told you, no names.

This is Huggy Body.

- Huggy Body? - Huggy Body?

[Kissy Face] Hi, channel chum, I'm Kissy Face.

- Kissy Face? - Kissy Face?

[Ed and Kissy Face] Happy New Year!

[Kissy Face laughing]

[laughing]

Man, are they feeling no pain.

Listen, Ed-- Huggy Body, you come home right now.

Pronto. Do you read me?

[woman on radio] Don't let him go, Kissy Face.

A good man is hard to find on New Year's Eve.

- This is Foxy Fanny. Over. - Foxy Fanny?

Please, Foxy Fanny, would you get off?

I'm trying to get Huggy Body.

Come in, Huggy Body. This is Angry Matador.

I'm here with, Lo... Trashy Can.

Trashy Can? Who you call--

We're worried about you. Please, come home.

[Foxy Fanny] Don't go, Huggy. Have yourself a ball.

[Ed] Come in, Angry Matador.

Kissy Face and I are heading for Las Vegas.

[man on radio] Attaboy, Huggy, put ten bucks on the hard eight

for the Midnight Rider.

Now, listen, Huggy Body, you're not going to Vegas

and you're not going any place.

I got back as soon as I could. What's happening?

Let me tell you, Ed and some chick in a coop

are headed for Las Vegas

and they both sound like they loopity-loop.

Oh!

No. Here, let me try. Let me see what I can do.

[Lonesome Rabbit] Break-8, this is Lonesome Rabbit

asking for a break.

Roger. This is Mother Courage.

And I'll give you a break, Lonesome Rabbit

right in your cotton-picking cotton tail.

Now, hippity-hop into your hole

and get off this channel.

- Come in, Ed. - No, Huggy Body.

- Who? - Huggy Body.

It's his n-new name, Huggy Body. I...

Come in, Huggy Body. Are you receiving? Over.

[woman on radio] Break-8, this is Super Skirt.

May I break in please? This is urgent.

I want to report a lost canary.

Negative. No break.

[Lonesome Rabbit] Break-8. Hello, anybody, this is Lonesome Rabbit.

Attention. This is Mother Courage.

Now hear this, there will be no more breaking tonight

because I am calling the FCC.

[clanking]

Yeah. That cleared the air in a hurry.

I think it blew a tube in my rig as well.

But, uh, you mean we lost Huggy Body?

And Kissy Face.

You know, I think they're long gone.

We better call the highway patrol.

- No, that's a good-- - No, no.

Let's call the Coast Guards.

Well, uh, they sailing, ain't they?

[indistinct chatter]

♪♪

Okay, thank you, officer. Thanks.

Oh, man.

This is all my fault.

If only I'd dragged Ed to my party.

[yawns] If only I had, Chico.

Well, we might as well make it three out of three.

If anything happens to him, I'll be so...

- [horn honking] - What is that?

Oh, boy.

- Happy New Year! - Happy New Year!

- Happy New Year! - Happy...

[laughing]

[Della] We've been praying for you.

Happy New Year.

Hey, I'm Kissy Face. Hello, darling.

Hello, Kissy Face. How you doing?

- Hi there. Ha-ha! - Ed...

- What? - You do have a huggy body.

Oh, boy, I'll 10-4 to that.

You know something, Chico, you are right.

We never should have been out on the road tonight.

We should have been right here with our friends.

- [Della] Right. - Right.

Right. And here they are.

- Come on, folks. Come on in. - Here they are.

[indistinct chatter]

♪♪

Excuse me. Hey, Ed, where did you find all these people?

Ah, it was easy, there was a lot of lonely souls

wandering around on New Year's Eve.

I'd like you to meet some of my good friends here. Over there.

Here, this is Midnight Rider, he was married for 20 years

and his wife ran away just last month.

That's right, and this is the happiest New Year

I've had in 20 years.

- Big 10-4. - Yeah, you got it.

And here's-- This is Super Skirt.

Super Skirt, unfortunately, lost her husband only last year.

Oh, I'm sorry. But you find your canary okay?

Oh, yes.

The little rascal was hiding behind my cat!

How about that?

- This is Lonesome Rabbit. - Hi, I'm Lonesome Rabbit.

Yeah, I can understand that.

Hey, Br'er rabbit, race you through the cabbage patch.

Okay, Foxy Fanny. Ready, set, go!

Let's see here.

- Hey, everybody. - [Ed] What?

- Come on, come on. - What's the matter?

- What's the time? - Come on!

- Time? - Five, four...

[all] Three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

[cheering]

Happy New Year, Kissy Face.

- Happy New Year. - Happy New Year.

[indistinct chatter]

Happy New Year, Ed. Yeah, I know...

♪♪

[Jack] "Chico And The Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios

Burbank, California.

[theme song plays]

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ It's alright ♪