Original subtitles

[male 1] One two, one two three and...

[theme song]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend ♪

♪ A helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man! ♪

♪♪

- Get a good hold of it. - I'm trying.

[grunting]

Okay.

[metal clanks] Hey!

- Take it easy. - What're you worrying about?

It's the last muffler job I'll take in this garage.

Why, Ed? There's a lot of money in mufflers.

I never found a dime in one of those mufflers there.

Here. You finish it, you muffler lover.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Does anybody mind if I hang a poster in this garage?

If that's for the "Save the Whales" committee

you can forget the whole thing.

We don't get too many Japanese fishermen in this area.

Ed, this poster, is about a subject

that's very close to you.

Change of life.

Oh, no. You're not gonna hang that thing in here.

- And why not? - Because it's depressing.

It ruins the cheerful atmosphere of this whole garage.

Cheerful? I've seen cheerier places under wet rats.

Yeah. You can cheer this place up with a mud slide.

Yeah?

I don't want any old man in here.

Do you got one with an old woman on it?

I don't want any old people in here.

You are so disagreeable.

I bet your bumper sticker reads,

"Warning. I speed up to hit small animals."

Well, do me a favor.

Take that Sun City recruiting poster and get out of here.

Alright, Ed, if you insist, but remember this:

if you were not self-employed, you could be this poor old man

sittin' on a park bench feedin' the pigeons.

Ha. If Ed ever feeds any pigeons, it'll be to his cat.

Okay, Miss Do-Good,

if you like that so much, why don't you hang it on your wall?

I already have, Mr. Do-Nothing.

I even have them on both my trucks.

It's a community service for the Grey Panthers.

Grey Panthers? I don't care what color they are.

I don't want any pets in here.

They are not pets.

The Grey Panthers is an organization

to help senior citizens get jobs.

Do you have any idea how difficult that is

when you're over the age of 65?

I know how difficult everything is when you're over 65.

Well, if you know that, then you ought to help

and not be so selfish.

I'm not selfish, I'm just not interested.

What an attitude.

You'd probably be happier living with the Eskimos.

They put their old people out on ice.

Yeah, they keep better that way.

He wouldn't mind the ice as long as

he's got some bourbon to go with it.

Hey, that's a great idea.

Ed Brown, it's time we started in America

to appreciate our old folk.

You're one of the lucky ones your age.

He's lucky to be his age.

If you weren't working here,

you couldn't get a job here yourself.

[cash register dings]

What're you talkin' about?

You think I couldn't do it with these ten golden fingers?

Nine, your pinky's brass.

Well, even with nine golden fingers, I can tell ya

I'm still the best mechanic in this whole area.

Tell you what, here, here's a paper.

Look up a job, auto mechanics, and I'll guarantee you

any one you pick out, I can get.

Any one, huh? Okay.

Here's a good one.

"Swinging young couple seeks groovy male with good body

for fun and games."

I said, look under "Mechanics wanted,"

not under body work.

This is not a laughing matter. Now, let me look in here.

Now, just a minute, just a minute. Let me see here.

Ah, yes. Alright.

"Experienced auto mechanic wanted.

"Easy hours. Top pay.

Apply A-One Employment Agency 314 South Figueroa."

Alright, golden fingers...

...let me see you get that one.

Oh, you don't think I can, huh?

At your age, no way.

Only the all-night disk jockeys like the golden oldies.

Della's right, Ed, you'll get that job

when Russia starts sendin' us wheat.

Oh, is that so?

Would you like to make a little bet on it?

I'll bet you a whole week's salary.

My week's salary? The cheapskate.

Let's make it worthwhile.

Okay, $50.

- You got a bet. - Okay.

Alright, put up, sports. I'll hold the stakes.

Here's my...

Well...

Here's my bet.

Twenty, thirty... There you are.

And here's my IOU.

Hey, wait a minute.

Sign it, sign it.

- Oh, do you have to sign 'em? - Yes.

- And don't put any X's in there. - Yeah.

This is a very impressive application, Mr. Brown.

Thirty years experience running your own garage.

Master Mechanic's license.

And a 1967 winner of the Golden Grease Gun award.

The Golden Grease Gun?

Yes, that's the highest honor in my profession.

It's like the Oscar of the Auto Mechanics Academy

of Parts and Sciences.

- How charming! - Yeah.

Well, you certainly seem to have all the qualifications.

Good. Well, let's not beat around the bush anymore.

- When do I start? - I'm afraid you don't.

See, I told you, they can't...

Would you mind running it by me again?

[chuckling] You see, Mr. Brown,

you're what we in personnel call

over-qualified.

What's that?

Well, what I'm trying to say is that

you're over-trained and over-experienced.

Is that bad?

Over-trained and over-experienced

is a nice way of saying what you're really over is the hill.

That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of in my life.

No, you heard it before from Della.

Now you got it in black and white.

It's sad but true, Mr. Brown.

You see, this client is looking for a younger man.

Someone about...

Well, about your age.

Well, as a matter of fact, you know,

you would be perfect for the job.

Here. Why don't you fill out one of these application--

How dare you!

You mean you would chose this

inexperienced adolescent over me?

Me, with my vast knowledge?

Yeah, lady, my knowledge is only half vast.

Forget it.

Take my arm, Old Timer.

Get out of here!

If you stop by my garage sometime,

I'll show you my Golden Grease Gun award.

Come on.

He's kidding.

I don't understand it.

Why don't they wanna use experienced people?

What do they expect us to do?

Put our teeth in the glass, pull up our support hose,

and sit around waiting for new ways to spell relief?

Disgrace.

Welcome to the club.

Now you know what discrimination is all about, baby.

Yeah, Ed, your age is like my family.

You're discriminated against 'cause you're a senior citizen

and me, 'cause I'm a señor citizen.

Bull horse.

What people fail to remember is

that Winston Churchill was in his 70s

when he won the Battle of Britain.

And Picasso was still painting at 90.

Yeah, look at the Vatican.

Paul is almost 90, and he ain't too pooped to Pope.

What's it gonna be, Ed, are you gonna help the senior citizen

or just sit there and count your wrinkles?

Alright, alright, get off my back.

I'll help, I'll help!

Good!

I'll pledge a 100 gallons of prune juice.

You could probably squeeze that right out of his face.

Ed, I got a better idea. How about a muffler department?

- What muffler department? - The one we don't have.

And that's the way it's gonna stay.

He hates mufflers.

Why? Did his sister marry one?

Ed, we'll find some old, retired mechanic

who loves mufflers and put him in charge.

I told you, I can't afford it.

The man'll work on commission.

Do it, Ed.

You'll be giving some human being

dignity and purpose in his life.

I'm telling you, it'll really make you feel good.

Yeah? So how come just the idea

is giving me sour stomach, palpitations, and heartburn?

Because, for you, that's feeling good.

Ah...

Della, you call up your Grey Panthers and tell 'em

they got a new pussycat.

You was a pussy cat. I knew you--

- Ah, stop that. - Ooh...

You, get out of here.

My only friend.

[cash register dings]

Prune juice.

Here, here. Here's our ad right here.

Let me see it.

"Wanted. Retired mechanic

"to operate old muffler concession.

"Excellent opportunity

for a elderly gentlemen in the autumn of his life."

Uh...

"In the autumn of his life"?

I thought it was a nice poetic touch.

[Ed] Oh...

We've got a couple of eager elderlies waiting already.

Oh, good. Send them in there.

You better start with the oldest one first.

Ed, how do I tell who's the oldest?

Eh, just look for the one with

the most dead leaves around him.

Ah, you sir. Would you come in, please?

[both speaking in Spanish]

I should've known you'd try to sneak in

one of your people first.

Ed Brown, this is Enrique Munoz.

Pleased to meet you, young man.

Young man?

I like him already.

I understand you-you want to start a muffler department?

Yes. A new muffler department.

You think you could run it?

- Run it? - Yeah.

I'm 71 years old.

How about if I... just walk it?

Ha-ha. I like his sense of humor, Ed, don't you?

Yeah.

You know, I had my own muffler shop for 30 years.

Si. For 30 years, I had three racks

and no waiting.

Then came the crash.

Ah, yeah, that was a terrible year, 1929.

No, no, no, no. This was 1969.

- Sixty-nine? - Si.

The rack came crashing down.

And I remember

there was a '56 Chevy on-on top of it.

I'll bet you were a much taller man before that.

You know, it missed me by so much

and that's when my wife Reya,

she-she made me retire. She says...

I was getting too old to go around

dodging falling Chevys.

Oh, yeah. Women are funny that way.

Yeah, but th-there's one thing that she does not understand.

A man must have someplace to go every morning.

Even if it's a place like this.

Mr. Munoz, you are now back in the muffler business.

I am?

- You mean it? - I certainly do.

Oh, gracias. Muchas gracias.

[stammering] I can hardly believe it.

[stutters] I, you know, I feel like...

...like a man of SiSi again.

¡Olé!

¡Olé!

Oy vey...

Enrique, what're you doing here?

Shh, shh, shh.

So, a '56 Chevy wasn't good enough.

Now you're gonna try for a '76 Cadillac.

A '76 Cadillac, in this neighborhood?

Hey, let it be on your head if, uh...

...if the car falls on his head.

No, please, please, it is not his fault.

The man meant well. He--

Yes, yes. You see, I meant well.

- I was trying to... - Oh!

My wife is right.

What am I doing here?

I'm an old man.

Yeah, you maybe old, but that shouldn't stop you from working.

Señor, if the good Lord meant for me to get this job

why did he tell my wife where I was?

Vamos.

Well, uh...

Well...

It's too bad, Ed, I liked him.

Yeah, I liked him, too.

Well, if he's smart, when he gets home

he'll put a muffler on his wife.

Now, let's take a look at this next guy.

He's not a Chicano, but you can't have everything.

Good morning. I'm Chico Rodriguez.

I'm Fred Cripps, and I...

I don't trust anybody that smiles before 11 a.m.

Yeah, well, you sure came to the right place.

You know, I used to have a garage like this of my own.

Looked like the same kind of a dump,

same sleazy neighborhood.

Then I had to give it all up on account of the muggings.

Muggings? Oh, they were scaring the customers away?

No, I was the one who was being mugged.

By my customers.

Oh, this neighborhood ain't so bad, I've never been mugged.

Of course, not.

What're they gonna get off one of your people?

A bus ticket to Tijuana?

A wallet-sized picture of Dolores del Río?

[scoffs]

I feel like a drink.

You look like a drink, a Whiskey Sour.

Why don't you walk your Chihuahua?

You got any booze around here?

Oh, sure, sure. It's in the office there.

Right there on the shelf, behind the parts catalog.

Oh, I used to hide mine behind the Mechanics monthly.

You know something?

That guy reminds me of somebody.

No.

Don't you know who that somebody is? That somebody is you.

One Ed Brown's bad enough, I couldn't take you in stereo.

What're you talkin' about?

Mr. Fred Cripps is exactly like you.

Come on, he's not a bit like me.

[Fred Cripps] Where do you keep your shot glass?

It's in the, uh...

[cash register dings]

[Fred Cripps] Never mind. I found it.

I rest my case.

Go deal with him.

Okay.

What's this deal about a muffler business?

Well, uh, say, I supply the tools and the workspace,

you put up the parts and labor, and we split 50/50.

And if you run into any problems, you need any help

well, Chico's always available there to help you.

What help? I'll fix the muffler.

And he'll install those little dogs

where the heads go up and down.

Just make sure he keeps his tacos out of my tool-kit.

Hey, Cripps, I got a better idea.

Instead of a little dog, why don't I install you

in the back of a car and let your head go up and down.

Ah, Chico, Chico,

why don't you go in the office and call one of our customers

and tell him he's three months overdue on his bill?

- Which customer? - Start with the 'A's.

Sure.

- Mr. Cripps. - Yeah?

I get a very strong impression that you're not too excited

about working with my associate.

Well, Brown, let me put it this way.

We let these people across the border for one reason only:

to buy our used Chevys.

Now, when you get rid of the Cisco Kid, I'll be back.

Oh, no, I don't want you to wait tha-that long.

Well, you mean, you're gonna get rid of him now?

No. I'm gonna get rid of you.

Goodbye, Mr. Cripps.

- Goodbye? - Mm-hmm.

Here. Now, let me tell you something, Brown...

Last year, my wife of 40 years ran off with my best friend.

Last week, my only daughter

left her husband and moved in with me

with her six miserable children.

Yesterday, my broker called me and told me

I was wiped out on the market, and this morning, my dog

died in my bed.

So, thank you very much for not hiring me.

I think my luck is changing.

Hey, Ed, I'm glad you got rid of that charm-school dropout,

and thank you for stickin' up for me.

I didn't stick up for you.

I can't stand a man who dislikes you for what you are.

Why can't he be like me and dislike you for yourself alone?

Now, Mr. Maxwell, you just wait right in here,

and I'll go and get Mr. Brown.

Yeah, thanks, sis.

Ed, have I got great news for you.

Great news? Oh...

The Grey Panthers are out of business, huh?

Oh, no. I've got the ideal man for the job.

He is 73 years old and he is perfect

and he's right outside. James Maxwell.

- Come and meet him. - Yeah, let's take a look at him.

Mr. Maxwell, this is Ed Brown, the owner of the garage.

- How are you? - And, his associate...

- Chico Rodriguez. - Hello.

Yeah, hi.

Stop it, stop it.

Ed, I've told Mr. Maxwell all about you,

and he's willing to work for you anyway.

Alright, tell me, Mr. Maxwell,

you had any experience with mufflers?

Yeah, 42 years with the same outfit. Mighty Mac.

Hey, Mighty Mac, do you hear that, Ed?

Of course I heard it. He's 73. Not me.

I helped that company grow from a two-man shop

to a nationwide chain of franchises.

And how did they thank me?

By forcing me to retire at age 65

because of some idiotic company rule.

Well, for a man who is 73, I must say

you're very energetic.

Boy, I've got more energy than half of those clowns

who hang around the water cooler all day,

pinchin' the gals when they bend over.

Don't you worry, Mr. Maxwell

Mr. Brown's gonna put that energy to good use.

- Aren't you, Ed? - I certainly am.

Mr. Maxwell, you start tomorrow morning.

Good deal. What time do you open?

- 8 a.m. - I'll be here. Thanks, sis.

Oh, uh, excuse me, Mr. Maxwell, uh...

Uh, a man your age should have a little rest, I think, uh,

maybe you ought to come in at, uh, 10:30 in the morning.

- Okay. - Oh, good. I...

Ed, what are you saying?

Oh, well, I'm sorry, I lost my...

[mumbles]

Oh. Make-make that 11 o'clock.

- Good. - Yeah.

That way, I can get a morning job.

Oh, stop staring at me, I hired him, didn't I?

- Oh... - What did you want?

[indistinct chatter]

- Mr. Maxwell. - Huh?

You're some mechanic. Congratulations.

That was brilliant. I mean...

That muffler transplant you did on a '63 Plymouth

using a '48 DeSoto as a donor.

Oh, thanks, kiddo.

This is the first time in eight years that I really feel useful.

[both chuckle]

Say, Maxwell, what're you doing?

I'm working on this.

Ah, well, you shouldn't be doing that.

That's too heavy. You're liable to hurt yourself.

- Ha? - There.

Take that, Chico.

Why, it's just a carburetor.

I know and you should be working on mufflers.

Why don't we just sit over here

until the next muffler job comes in?

We don't want you working too hard.

Well, so far it's taking me longer

to rest than to get tired.

Sit down. Tell you what...

I'll make you a nice cup of hot coffee there.

On second thought...

How about a nice hot cup of cocoa?

I don't like hot cocoa.

How about a little chamomile tea?

It's good for what ails you.

Good for what ails me?

What ails me, kiddo, is your patronizing, insulting way

of treating me like some feeble minded, fumble-fingered reject

who can't blow his own nose.

I don't know which is worse.

People who won't... hire you because of your age

and people who will and then won't let you do anything.

- Bleh. - Ed.

You can't take away that man's self-respect away like that.

Well, I-I didn't want to, I...

I was just trying to help.

Can't you see? He doesn't want help.

All he wants you to do is tell him what to do

and then let him do it all by himself.

- Oh. - Now, you go and apologize.

Wait a minute. I'm the boss here.

Don't give me any orders.

Shh.

So, Maxwell...

Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sorry for the way I acted.

Well, that goes for me too.

I'm sorry for the way you acted.

I'll show you that...

...uh, I trust you. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

Here. Come on over here.

I'm gonna let you put this entire engine together

all by yourself.

You mean, rebuild an entire motor?

- All by myself? - That's right.

Yup. And he's not gonna interfere with you anyway

because he wants you to know

how much complete confidence he has in you.

- Right. - Really?

Then tell me why he's asking me to work on a motor

from a 1946 Kaiser?

Is this how you show your complete confidence

in my ability? By keeping me busy with some useless project?

What do you mean useless?

You never know when a '46 Kaiser will drive in here

without a motor.

That does it.

That does it. You'll never change.

Let me tell you something, Brownie boy,

you know who made that rule up

at Mighty Mac mufflers...

...that no one can work beyond 65...

It was me. I did that 43 years ago.

- You're Mighty Mac? - Yes, Mac.

Short for Maxwell.

I was a smart 30 years old then,

and just like you, I was convinced

that a person's capability snuffed out immediately

when he reached 65.

Now I know better. Here, kid.

- You can have this. - Thanks, Mr. Maxwell.

- I'll have it framed. - Out of my way, boy.

You know something, Chico? I'm afraid he's right.

Maybe I'm too old to change.

I guess we'll have to leave that up to you young kids.

Yeah, well, we better do something.

Do you realize by the year 2000

that over 60% of the population will be senior citizens?

Really? Why, that's terrible.

Who's gonna sit up and watch Johnny Carson?

Out of my way, boy.

"And so, in a surprise stock takeover, Maxwell,

"who founded the muffler company 42 years ago,

"forced his board of directors to set up a division

employing only people 65 or over."

- Isn't that something? - Yeah.

"73-year-old Maxwell was quoted as saying,

'Just because I'm in the fourth quarter

doesn't mean the game is over.'"

[laughing]

Imagine.

He went back and regained control of his own company.

Now, that's what I call spirit.

Yeah, the Spirit of '73.

Hey, Ed, let me help you with that.

Oh, no, no, no. Remember what Mr. Maxwell said?

Just because I'm in the fourth quarter

that doesn't mean the game is over.

[bones cracking]

What was that?

[Della] Oh, my goodness.

I think that was the two-minute warning.

[male 2] "Chico and The Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience

at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.

[theme song]

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man! ♪

[vocalizing]