Original subtitles

♪ One two ah one two three and... ♪

[theme song plays]

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man, he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will for Chico and The Man ♪

♪♪

[whistling]

[humming]

[water sloshing]

Ooh, looking good.

Gonna be sailing tonight.

[knocking on door]

Oh, Della.

Hey, baby.

Welcome to Chico's hideaway.

- Oh, I mean, I love it. - Huh?

It is too...

You know, if I was about

ten years younger and you were two shades darker

we'd get it on here.

Well, I hope Lisa likes it as much as I do.

Lisa? That little blonde nurse?

That adorable little blonde nurse.

- This is it, Della. - You thought Patsy was it.

Nah, that was months ago. I was a child then. What did I know?

Lisa is the real thing, not another case of puppy love.

- You are a hound dog, Chico. - This is true.

I hope she likes my dinner.

- Braised Capon. - Hmm.

- Shrimp and curry sauce. - Have mercy.

- Sautéed mushrooms. - Please!

- Yes, yes. - Ought to go wonderful

with the wine I've chosen for the evening

Chateau Ripple '75.

You got a bargain. It usually cost me a dollar and a quarter.

Oh, baby, I really love the apartment.

It's just-- e-everything about it is so you.

Hey, Chico, I was--

- What's she doing here? - What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be at the fights with Louie.

Yeah, but I got a headache.

If I walked around with a personality like yours

I'd have a headache too.

Hey, hey, the fight's at the Olympic auditorium, not here.

Look, if you got any aspirin? I just ran out.

Try sucking on the cotton.

There's usually a few crumbs left in there.

Why don't you go pick some cotton?

[Louie] Hey, what room is you, Eddy? Where's that Eddy?

He's in my room. Come, get him out.

Oooh-wee!

Man! Chico.

This room's got everything you need

to get everything you need.

Yeah, with the exception of one thing. Privacy.

Oh, I don't buy that.

Now, on the scale of one to ten...

[laughs] ...I'd give this room a 46.

Hey, Ed, you sure built this boy a fox trap.

Louie!

I expect to hear that kind of talk from somebody like Ed

but not an intelligent gentleman like you.

The young people of today don't set traps for each other.

They just let it all hang out.

Hey, you know something, Della

if I'd had a pad like this and I was Chico's age,

I'd never would've lived to be my age.

[laughs]

Um, ah, if you gentlemen keep hanging around

and reminiscing you're gonna miss the main event.

Yeah, I got a feeling the main event

is gonna be held right here in this room.

- Ed, good night. - Huh?

Good night?

Well, let me tell you one thing.

When I come back here, I'm gonna take a good look

at that waterbed to see if it's got any whitecaps.

Oh, come on.

- [Lisa] Oh, hi there. - [Della] Enjoy your evening.

- Sweetheart. - Chico.

Well, I've been kissed better but never quicker.

Hey, I just gotta make one call.

My relief is new on the case. I promised I'd check with her.

Here. I brought you an album.

Oh, music to make out by?

It's Freddy Folsom sings at San Quentin.

Oh, music to break out by.

What's this, uh, "Jailhouse Rock"?

"I'm In Love With A Wonderful Guard"

"Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around The Old Electric Chair."

Thelma.

This is Lisa. How's Mr. Cobbler?

- Just peachy. - Shh.

No, I told him myself

that he cannot use that bed pan for his geranium plant.

Did he eat his tapioca?

He did?

In your hair? All right.

Well, look, Thelma, just tell him

he's gotta pay for your permanent.

Yeah, yeah. Look, if you need me, I'm here.

- Ah, the number is-- - Unlisted.

Please, Chico.

It's 5-5-5-6-1-6-2. Yeah.

Okay, look, goodbye.

- Oh. - And hello.

I'm sorry, Chico.

Well, now, I'm all yours.

Well, give me your cape, Superlady.

[chuckles] Oh!

And, um, my dignity.

Your dignity?

Ah, nurse's cap is known as her dignity.

Oh!

Yes, indeed. I'll take that dignity.

Uh, why don't you sit down.

We'll work on getting rid of some of your inhibitions.

[chuckles] Oh! You, umm...

You wanna play doctor?

Uh, yes, as a matter of fact

I'm prescribing a mild sedative for the both of us.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, wow.

Oh, this room!

Oh, it really turned out nice. I-I-I admire your taste.

Well, thank you, but I can't take all the credit.

See, Louie picked out the color, Della picked out the furniture

and Ed picked the crack in the window.

[laughs]

Well, that doesn't leave much for you.

Are you kidding? I picked out the thing

that makes this pad a palace-- you.

Oh, my Prince Charming.

Fill my glass slipper with that wine.

Will an old jelly jar do?

[telephone ringing]

Brown's Garage, but we're closed.

Oh, it's tapioca head.

I'm sorry.

Hello!

Well, tell him, he's got to take it.

Yeah, or I'm gonna come over and give it to him.

Well, if you can't handle, then call the head nurse.

Where is she?

Which intern?

God! Well, if they're not out of that linen closet

in ten minutes, go in and get her.

Okay, I'll be here.

I'm sorry.

I thought you were off-duty tonight.

- I am off duty. - Good. Then, so is the phone.

I can't.

Mr. Cobbler's a very sick man.

Yeah, well, I didn't figure he was in the hospital

playing football.

Why don't you let Thelma take care of him?

Come on, take a break, lighten up.

It's your night off. Relax.

Even Marcus Welby takes time off for a commercial.

Here, sit down. Put it on the wood.

[chuckles] You're right.

There you go. A toast.

- To your new apartment. - Bottoms up.

Oh!

I hope Mr. Cobbler got his flu shot.

[Chico sighs]

[speaking in Spanish]

I'm sorry.

Darling, nursing is not the kind of job

I can just turn off when I leave at 5:00.

Yeah, well, it's turning me off and it ain't even 7:00.

Okay. Okay.

- No more medicine. - Good.

Come on.

Well, tell me how pretty I am and how crazy you are about me.

You know the usual stuff. Go ahead.

The usual stuff? All right.

You are pretty. I'm crazy about you.

Hey, Chico-- Oh!

Oh, excuse me. I-I didn't know, uh, she was still--

Ah, what do you mean by bursting into my room without knocking?

Well, this is an emergency and I--

Oh!

Oh, you-- you don't think for one minute

that I was snooping here?

Yes, I do.

Oh, that's ridiculous. This is an emergency, you know.

I-I have this terrible temperature,

and I was afraid that Louie might catch it.

- And I didn't want-- - Ohh!

Oh, Mr. Brown, you poor man, oh.

Well, you feel normal.

Are you kidding? He's sick up here.

Oh, no, it's not that at all. See, my throat, it's itching

Well, scratch it in your own room.

- Chico, why are you so angry? - Yeah.

Well, 'cause he's supposed to be with Louie enjoying the fights

and we're supposed to be here enjoying, uh, each other.

And nobody's enjoying what they're supposed to be enjoying.

I am.

- Open wide. - Ahh.

- I don't see anything. - Ahh.

Yeah, look again. You'll see a suspicious old man

who's trying to ruin my evening.

Ahh.

[telephone ringing]

You didn't have to bother, Ed, Thelma's doing it for you.

Excuse me.

Hey, you got a new secretary.

Can't you answer the phone yourself?

That's not a phone, it's a hotline to a bedpan.

Oh.

Some night this turned out to be.

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that.

Hey, let me get rid of her and maybe we can watch

the 10 o'clock news tonight together.

The way things are going, we'll be able to watch

the 8 o'clock news together.

- Hey, that's good. I like that. - Come one, go to your room.

- Please, Ed. Just once for me. - All right.

Okay, Thelma, I'll be there as soon as I can!

I hate you, Thelma!

Mr. Cobbler is accusing her of trying to poison him.

I believe it. She's poisoned our evening.

Anyway, I got to get right back to the hospital

but we have five minutes.

I'm kissing you, aren't you gonna kiss me back?

Why bother? The only thing we can get boiling

in five minutes is an egg.

Chico, you're making this very difficult.

[chuckles] I'm making it diff--

Ah-ha, I'm making it difficult?

You're making it impossible. You don't wanna be here.

You're using your job as an excuse to get out.

Oh, well, that isn't true.

- Oh, isn't it? - No.

I don't know one off-duty nurse that carries on like this.

Hey, I was looking forward to this, to-- to Della's dinner--

Why? So, you could feed it to me intravenously?

Oh, now, oh, you're trying to make me feel guilty?

Okay, well, it's just not gonna work.

I think you're being unreasonably

childish and selfish.

You're being selfish.

- Good night. - Good-bye.

I don't need you anyway.

There are plenty of women.

[grunts]

Ah, that will hurt.

Ah, Lisa.

♪♪

That looks like you're dragging more than your tail.

What's the matter with you?

My waterbed sprung a leak.

Oh, it did, huh?

Well, aren't you gonna call the vice squad

and tell them to come around and ask me how it happened?

Or did you hear Lisa leave?

You think I pry?

What two consenting adults do in private

is none of my business.

Yeah, you heard Lisa leave.

You'd be glad to know that last night was a disaster.

You are telling me.

Took me all morning to mop it up.

Go on, make fun of me.

You don't care if I lose my girl or I may never see her again.

What are you talking about, you'd never see her again?

You gotta have a little faith, Chico.

Be like me. Every morning I get up

I get down on my knees and pray.

- For a girl? - No.

I pray to have strength enough to get up off my knees.

Does everything have to be funny to you?

Oh, come on. You know how many Lisa's there are in this world?

- Probably a million. - Yeah, there you are.

So, who cares.

- I care. That's who cares. - Oh!

Do you know how many nurses marry mechanics?

- How many? - None.

You know how many nurses marry doctors?

All of them.

Where do you get your facts? The Encyclopedia Ignoramia?

You got it gassed up yet, Ed?

You didn't tell me whether you wanted Regular or Supreme.

- I want Supreme. - You got it.

Hold it, honky.

Where does it say help yourself to the free milk?

I gave you an extra ten cents worth of gas in your truck.

My milk cost 35 cents.

Oh, add it to my rent. [mutters]

- Hi, Della. - Hey, Chico.

Tell me everything about the dinner.

- We never got to it. - Well, that's good, isn't it?

No, we never got to anything.

That's the problem with nurses.

They never pay any attention to you

unless, you are in terrible pain.

- I was in terrible pain. - Yeah.

Take my advice: forget about a career woman, see.

Get yourself an old-fashioned girl who knows how to cook.

Stick her in the kitchen and never let her out of it.

Somebody ought to lock your mouth

so your ideas never run out of it.

You're talking like a caveman.

Caveman? What are you talking about?

Show me scientific proof

that woman was born to the skillet.

You want scientific proof?

I'll show her scientific proof.

You ever hear of Betty Crocker?

Did you ever hear of the Galloping Gourmet?

Sure, he's the guy who cooks with Betty Crocker's recipes.

Cooking, Ed Brown, like anything else

has nothing to do with a person's sex.

- Oh? - Females can do anything males can do.

- Is that so? - And more.

Ah, it took a man to discover America, Della.

Ah, but it took a woman to pay for the trip.

Can you run a four-minute mile?

No. Can you?

Could you become the King of Norway?

Could you become the Queen of England?

Ah, I guess I must be as stupid as she is

because I'm standing here arguing with her.

Alright, alright, stop it the both of you. I've heard enough.

From him maybe, but not from me.

A woman is entitled to live a full life

and combine her career and her romance.

Yeah, but that's the problem.

See, Lisa puts her living ahead of her loving.

I'm dedicated to my profession, but in the middle of a kiss

I don't call up a customer and go, "Hi, this is Chico.

How's your carburetor?"

Oh, honey, listen.

A woman that dedicated should be encouraged.

Somebody with her kind of passion

could end up being a doctor.

Lisa, a doctor?

If we had more gal practice

it'd be a little less malpractice.

Ahh!

Yes, listen to this woman.

The next thing you know we'll have a Mayo Sisters Clinic.

And why not?

It's been a man's world long enough

and just look what you men have done to it.

Where?

We women never started a war.

We never overthrew a government.

Marlon Brando did not play The Godmother.

And we weren't caught breaking in the Watergate.

Ah, that's because you were too busy

cuddling up with a lot of congressmen.

Ed, now hold it.

- It takes two to tango. - Yeah.

Don't tell me how to dance.

Let me just explain this.

The next thing you know, the next President of United States

will be a cocktail waitress.

Seems right to me.

If a peanut farmer can run, so can a cocktail waitress.

- Hi. - Hi, Lisa.

- Hello! - Chico.

Can I see you for a minute please?

Sure, look.

Alone?

Okay.

Could you excuse us?

- Oh, no, you don't. - He knew she was coming back.

That's why he vulcanized that waterbed.

You are suspicious of that boy as the FBI is of the CIA.

- Do you wanna sandwich? - No, I'm not hungry.

It's on the house.

So, what brings you back? Guilty conscience?

Yeah, umm...

I didn't have any business coming here last night.

Even if I was off-duty, it just wasn't fair to you 'cause...

Well, I had this one case, you see.

And I've been taking care of him for days and...

I got really involved.

And...

And, ah...

see when quitting time came, I...

I was really torn, because...

Hey, I knew how much last evening meant to you

and-- and to me too. I mean...

Well, the way you had the place all fixed up.

You know, with the...

the dinner and...

and the candles and the-- and the wine

and... and you looked so handsome.

And, umm...

and you smelled so good.

And...

Chico, last night Mr. Cobbler died.

Oh, wow.

Listen, Lisa, I-- I'm sorry. Okay?

He was... such a dear, sweet old man, but...

[sobs] he was so sick.

I didn't mean to make a pest of himself.

Honey, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Poor you. I-I shouldn't have involved you in this.

Hey, hey, are you kidding? I love you.

Anything that involves you involves me and hurts me.

Well, Chico,

he was the first patient I ever lost.

Yeah, well you haven't been a nurse that long.

There'll be others.

Oh, Chico.

I'm-- I'm so-- I'm s--

Honey, Lis-- Lis, I'm-I'm sorry.

Forgive me. Don't cry.

I'm sorry for that and for the way I acted last night.

Hey, I can't blame you for what happened last night.

Well, I can. I was selfish.

Oh, I'm the selfish one.

I've come to realize the truth about myself.

I want more out of life than prescriptions

and penicillin and white pantyhose.

- I'm quitting. - What do you mean?

- After all your training-- - I mean it!

I thought about it last night

and I thought about it this morning.

I can't be a nurse.

I mean, I'm an obsessive personality.

Yeah, so was Florence Nightingale.

Well, I'll never be like her.

Hey, kiss me, Chico.

Don't talk, kiss.

Oh, wow.

Hey, let's-- let's, um, go to your room.

Oh, we can't do that. I haven't dusted.

Oh, I'll do it, I'm a-- I'm a fantastic duster.

[Della] Lisa! Lisa, come quick, honey, it's Ed!

- What? - Yeah, out here.

- Come on, honey. - What happened?

- Ed, what'd you do now, man? - He was eating a sandwich.

- Out of the way. - [grunts]

Ahh. Ahh!

- You okay? - Oh, boy.

Ah, for a-- a couple of minutes, I thought I was a goner.

Okay, don't-- don't try to talk. Just stand straight.

- Yeah. - Keep breathing normally.

I know if I lie down, somebody will try to bury me.

You're okay. Just keep breathing.

Yeah, Ed, breathing is the important thing.

Oh, Lisa, thank God, you were here. You saved him, you know.

Oh, anyone could've done that.

Take deep breaths.

[inhales sharply]

That's great. You're gonna be fine, Ed.

Yeah. I'll see you tonight, Chico.

Well, wait a minute, you're on-duty tonight.

Hey, I told you, I'm giving up nursing.

- What? - Okay.

- Go ahead, give it up, stupid. - Chico!

No, let her give it up. Who needs nurses anyway?

When the patients ring the buzzer

let the janitor answer and help.

That's right. In surgery, let the patient

hand the surgeon the knife.

They don't even need nurses in the linen closet

the interns can pinch each other.

"Oh, Dr. Welby!"

I mean go ahead, Lisa Malone.

You were taught to take pain out of this world

so, go back to the hospital.

Get out of my garage. Go where you belong.

Hey, even if I do that

we're not gonna have many evenings together.

Yeah, I know but that's the chance we'll have to take.

He's right, Lisa, but if it's love, it'll find a way.

Oh, Chico.

Hey, no wonder I feel the way I do about you.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

Ah, listen, I'm-- I'm gonna walk Lisa to the bus stop.

It's a rough neighborhood. Someone else might try

and kiss her, you know what I mean.

[laughing]

- Isn't she just adorable? - Yeah.

Aren't you glad they got back together?

Yeah.

Hey, where you going with that knife?

Surgery. I'm gonna make twin beds out of that water bag.

Oh, Ed.

I mean, that man is sick.

What are you doing?

Why are you painting it that color?

Well, you see, Ed

research shows that this is the most relaxing color.

That's why hospital rooms are always pastels.

I got some news for you.

This is not a hospital. This is a garage.

Yes, but we have many sick cars here.

Plus it's Lisa's favorite color.

I see. That reminds me, when do you kids get together?

You work days, she works nights.

Well, I've been dropping by the hospital during her lunch hour.

Lunch hour?

She works nights, when does she have a lunch hour?

- 2:00 in the morning. - Uh-oh.

But I'm not doing anything at that hour.

Well, I guess love will find a way.

Yeah, now, if we could only find a place.

That linen closet's so crowded

you need a reservation to get in.

[theme song]

[Freddie] "Chico and the Man" was recorded live before a studio audience

at NBC studios, Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was crazy for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ All right, yeah ♪