Original subtitles

♪ One two ♪

♪ A one two three and ♪

[theme music]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't ♪

♪ So hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend ♪

♪ A helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪♪

[cash register dings]

Chico! Chico!

Cho-hoo, Chico!

Hey, how are you?

Good to see you. How is everything?

- You alright-- - You're not Chico.

- I'm not Chico? - Hmm-mm.

That's the nicest compliment I've had today.

[chuckles]

Hey, Liz.

How you been?

[giggling] Good.

So, Chico, guess what?

Today, I graduated.

I am a trained nurse.

Yeah, you trained?

Let's see a trick.

Wow!

Now, that's what I call mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Ah...

And, this is what I call mouth to mouth resuscitation.

And this is what I put up with.

[sighs]

And now we celebrate.

Come on, take me to lunch.

Honey, I can't take you to lunch.

I'm waitin' on my cousin Pepe. He's comin' over.

Cousin Pepe? Who's your cousin Pepe?

I told you. Pepe, Pepe Fernando.

Pepe Fernando!

The hip Pepe Fernando?

The singer, the composer, the star?

You mean to tell me that your cousin is that Pepe Fernando

and you never told me? How come?

Well, you see, Pepe and I got a deal.

I don't brag about his singing, and uh...

...he don't brag about what I'm good at.

But just think of it. Pepe Fernando!

Oh, every time I hear him sing I get goosebumps all over my body.

You should see them.

That's not a bad idea. Come on, let me take a look.

Aye, Chico, please.

Pepe Fernando!

Listen, if I should faint, when I meet him...

...you get everything for me on instant replay.

Oh, Pepe Fernando!

I have to freshen up.

Ed, can I go upstairs?

Ah-ha.

Eddie, you know I've seen you go up those stairs a million times

and it never did for me what that just did.

Well, that's what I get for wearing droopy pantyhose.

Hey, this cousin of yours, he really must be loaded, huh?

Are you kiddin'? He's got four Rolls-Royces

parked in four different directions.

So you don't have to waste time turning around.

So, how come if he's so rich

why doesn't he do something for his cousin Chico?

Do I look like I need help?

Didn't I get all this way on my own?

That's right.

You dreamed the impossible dream and it all came true.

[horn honks]

Pepe!

Come on, Pepe. How're you doin'?

Chico!

[speaking in foreign language]

You look good, man.

Shiny and shit.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hey, excuse me a minute, Chico.

- Carter. - I'm right here, boss.

It's okay, Carter, you can go now.

[sighs] Boss, I feel real bad to be quitting on you like this.

If it wasn't for my kid's health, I'd never think of it.

You sure you'll be able to get another chauffeur alright?

I think I will. No problem.

Thank you very much, Carter. Good luck.

Goodbye, boss.

Hey, uh...

...how come you didn't tell me your cousin was blind?

I forgot. But, wait till you know Pepe.

You-you won't even notice it. Pepe, come here, man.

I want you to meet the man

who is responsible for making me what I am today.

Ah, hold it, Chico.

My reputation's bad enough as it is.

Never mind him, he's actually very nice, sweet

clean, reverent, brave and loyal.

He sounds like a good scout.

- Ha. - Yeah.

I not only help little old ladies across the street

I also take 'em home.

[laughs]

Pepe Fernando, Ed Brown.

- Hey, Ed Brown. - Hi.

[indistinct chatter]

You know something?

I'm very happy to meet you.

Ed, Ed, Ed, what're you shouting for, man?

- It's his eyes, not his ears. - Oh.

Well, I just wanted to let him know

that I was happy to meet him.

- Pasadena knows you know. - I, uh...

Hey, would you wanna take a look around...

I mean, would you see the...

Watch your step becau... Oh, well.

Oh, it's-it's okay. Thank you, Ed.

I can handle it. It's okay.

- So, this is the garage, huh? - This is the garage alright.

Well, Chico told me all about it in his letters.

- The stairs are here. - Uh-huh.

And the door to the office is out there.

- Right. - How about that?

- This is your work bench. - Yeah.

And...

...here are your pliers.

Hey, how about that?

Thanks a lot. I've been looking all over for it.

You didn't look...

Well, you didn't look good enough.

Ah...

You know something, you really don't need any help

in getting around, do you?

Well, sometimes I do.

Especially when I'm driving in heavy traffic.

[laughs]

Hey, which leads me to my lucky cousin Chico.

Why am I your lucky cousin?

Chico, you're lucky because my chauffeur just quit on me.

- And I need a new chauffeur. - Hello.

Eh-heh!

What do you say about the job, Chico?

Think about it, man. Opening nights in Las Vegas...

Ring side tables...

[speaks in foreign language]

Three hindered dollars a week.

Three hundred dollars a week?

I couldn't afford to pay you that.

Oh...

Wait a minute.

I gotta have something to say about this.

Hold it, Ed. I mean, I'm not taking Chico away from you.

It's only for six months, until I go to Europe.

- Anyway, think about it. - I will.

I just remembered. I gotta call my agent.

You wanna use our phone or the one in your car?

No, man. I'm gonna go in style. to my car, man.

Alright!

Right in here, man.

That's my cousin. He's a star, man.

Chico, how could you even consider leaving me

right in the middle of the busy season?

Ed, you know, it takes an old pro like you to tell

the difference between the busy season and the slow season.

But what kind of a job would that be for a fellow like you?

There you would be at Vegas...

Standing by the gambling tables, losing your money.

Drinking. Staying up all hours of the night.

Chasing those beautiful show girls around

who don't have much on. And...

Wait a minute. Take me. Take me!

- I've been waiting-- - Ed, Ed, Ed.

I'm not gonna leave you until I can get a suitable replacement.

Somebody you'll get along with.

Somebody I'll get along with? I get...

If there's somebody I could get along with

he'd have to be like me, and, if he's like me

I couldn't get along with him.

Oh, he's here!

In the beautiful flesh and claws!

Oh, Pepe!

[indistinct]

♪ Come on baby light my fire ♪

♪ Come on baby light my fire ♪

♪ Try to set the night on fire ♪♪

Well, who's this girl with the fabulous voice?

I thought you said there's nothing wrong with his hearing.

Ah, Monsieur Pepe

allow me to introduce the rage of three continents.

Not to mention a little cow town in Puerto Rico.

She has charm with grace and style

not to mention the Chile rellenos.

My Chile rellanos?

I told you not to mention those.

- Here she is, Liz Garcia. - Ah, Liz...

[speaking in foreign language]

Oh, Pepe, what a thrill!

I am your one woman fan club.

When I hear you sing, I get so heated up I have to use a fan.

Well...

I wonder if you're as foxy as I think you are.

Oh, take a look.

Well, you have such a nice face.

Beautiful hair, classic chin, lovely throat--

Oh, cuz, I'll describe the rest.

- Heh. - Yeah.

And you'd better.

He doesn't need a seeing eye dog, he's got seeing eye hands.

Listen, Pepe, take my word for it.

From the neck down, she's just like any other girl.

Well, that's good enough for me.

Pepe, Pepe, Pepe.

Pepe, I wonder if you would sing my favorite song.

- Which one is that? - Anything you sing.

Well, of course. You sang for me.

So, why shouldn't I sing for you? Oh, yeah, Chico.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Right. - Oh-ho. Wonderful.

- Oh. - Here you go, cuz.

- Oh. - Thank you.

[guitar music]

[screaming]

♪ Well you know that it would be untrue ♪

♪ You know that I would be a liar ♪

♪ If I was to say to you yeah ♪

♪ Mama we couldn't get much higher ♪

♪ Come on baby light my fire ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Come on baby light ♪

♪ Won't you light my fire? ♪

♪ Try to set the night on fire ♪

♪ Yeah yeah come on baby light ♪

♪ Won't you light my fire? ♪

♪ Come on baby light my fire ♪

♪ Don't you know it's alright ♪♪

[cheering and applause]

Terrific! That was really terrific!

[indistinct]

- Uh-huh. - Oh, hey.

Chico.

What was the name of that song?

Pepe, man, you sound better--

Oh-oh-oh.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Ed Brown's garage a go-go.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Reverend Bemis, how are you? Everyt...

What happened?

No kidding!

Where?

5th and main?

Okay, I'll send Chico over right away.

- Chico. - Yeah, yeah, what happened?

What happened is that the Reverend Bemis had this car

and he put his bible in it and now the bible is missing.

So, why'd he call you?

Because the car is missing too.

I'll tell you what. Take the tow truck.

Get over to 5th and main right away.

And make sure you get the reverend to the church on time.

I'll be right back.

- Ed, would you please? - Oh, sure.

[sighs]

So, tell me Liz, uh, what do you do?

Oh, well, since three and a half hours ago...

...I'm a freelance full fledged nurse.

Ah, a nurse. What a coincidence.

I get these headaches.

And, I don't know what to do for 'em.

I'll tell you what to do.

- Just do the same thing I do. - What's that?

I take a beaker of bourbon every hour.

Uh-huh.

At the end of two hours

my headache is still there, but I'm gone.

[chuckling] Oh.

You know most headaches come from tension and nerves.

And if you've got the tension to come to me

I have the nerve to help you.

You're next, honey.

[speaking in foreign language]

Oh, that feels great.

You know, this will take care of my next two headaches.

I'd like to have you around.

Say!

Why not?

This girl could be your companion.

- Even better than Chico. - Uh-huh.

Look at her. She's beautiful, she's bright.

She drives like Mario

and Fred Eves have got a better figure.

And if you ever have an accident

she's right there with the first-aid.

- Ed... that's a great idea. - Yeah?

What are you two talkin' about?

Well, Pepe needs a new chauffeur.

He wants somebody to drive his car for the next six months.

Would you be interested?

- Drive his car? - Yeah.

I have just spent a full year preparing myself to be worthy

of the high profession of the nurse.

A healer, dedicated to the practice of the medical arts.

And devoted to the sacred duties

of relieving the sick and afflicted.

What could make me forget all of that and become a chauffeur?

Pay is $300 a week.

Where are the keys?

It's over there.

Oh, wait. I can't.

- No? Why not? - No.

Because I would be a traitor to my patients.

What're you talkin' about? Make believe is your patient.

He has all these terrible headaches, he needs you.

- Right, Pepe? - Hmm-hmm.

Oh, I accept.

Okay, boss. It's time for your vitamin injection.

Right, Pepe.

And now, to celebrate the job...

...how about takin' the boss out to lunch.

Oh, okay, you come with me, honey.

Oh, I will, oh, yeah.

I know a place not far away.

It's called Fernando's Hideaway.

Fernando's Hideaway?

It used to be Shipero's delicatessen.

Ah...

Thank you. Thank you, Ed.

Well, uh...

Try the lobster in...

- Okay. - Okay, bye.

Oh, they went over to Shipero's delicatessen.

- Oh, yeah, Fernando's Hideaway. - Yeah.

- I wanna ask you something. - What's that?

Think this jacket will look good in Vegas?

Oh...

Are you-are you kidding?

That jacket would look great in Vegas.

Matter of fact, it would look sensational in Vegas.

I wonder who'll be wearing it.

Wait a minute, what do you mean you wonder who'll be wearing

my jacket in Vegas?

You're trying to tell me I don't have the job?

You got it.

Well, I mean, you haven't got it.

- Well, whose got it? - Liz Garcia's got it.

- Oh, Liz-Liz Garcia? - Yeah.

What does she know about mechanics?

What if the car breaks down on a lonely country road?

What could she do for Pepe?

- Well-- - Don't answer that.

[speaking in foreign language]

Hey, why are you so suspicious of your cousin Pepe?

Are you kidding, last year we made more passes than Joe Namath

only not in the same field.

[horn honks]

[tire screeches]

Hey, good to see you again.

Hey.

Hey, Chico, what's happening--

I'll tell you what's happenin'.

I'm a practical mechanic with two years of experience.

And here you go and get the job.

Let me see you explain the operation

of an internal combustion multiple cylinder

reciprocating engines.

Sure, where is one?

Right here. Here's one.

Go ahead, give me a rundown.

- Okay, I give it to you. - Hmm-hmm.

Ah, that's the sandbelt.

No, that's the shaft. And you gave me that already.

[clears throat] Oh, okay.

Um, that's the differential.

What's the differential?

That's what I say, "What's the differential?"

[laughing]

[clears throat] Anyway.

This part here is the gizmo.

And the gizmo is bobby pinned to the gadget.

And the gadget is glued to the gimmick.

And the gimmick's connected to the headlight.

And the headlight's connected to the tail bottom.

♪ And the tail bottom's connected to the depot ♪

♪ And the depot's connected to the neck boat ♪

♪ And the neck boat's connected to the low boat ♪

[indistinct singing]

Alright, alright, alright! Cut it out. Cut it out!

Please!

Take it easy, man.

Easy, Chico, you're getting all worked up for nothing.

Like I told Liz, I felt guilty about taking you away from Ed.

Yeah, but meanwhile, you're gonna try and make a mechanic

out of a registered nurse. You're nipping her in the bud.

Who's nipping whose bud?

Don't look at me. I didn't lay a hand on you.

Look, Chico, it's very simple.

She's a nurse and I'm a patient.

- Pepe, perimito... - What, what, what, what, what?

You haven't been sick a day in your life.

Well... it's been catching up with me lately.

Excuse me.

Chico, he's offering me $300 a week.

Did you know how many bed pans I have to own for $300 a week?

It'll be good or me and it'll be good for Pepe too.

We both thought it was a wonderful idea.

- As soon as Ed suggested it. - Yeah.

- Ed suggested it? - Oh-oh.

Thank you. That's all I wanted to know.

Oh, Ed...

Ed, dear...

You suggested it, man!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute...

Before you start hollering at me I just have to say one thing.

- What? - Don't holler.

Ed, I'm a reasonable guy and I'm always willing to listen

to the other side of the argument. So, don't talk.

Listen, now you are rotten, under-handed, sneaky, deceptive

and deceitful and...

Keep going, I'm in there someplace.

You're in there every place. Do you know what you did to me?

You put my girl in the car with a Don Juan of San Juan.

She'll have to fight traffic and Pepe at the same time.

She'll need a seat belt when she's not driving.

She'll be all over the road, he'll be all over her.

How could you do this to me, man?

- Why do you always get involv-- - Will you stop hollering?

It wasn't my fault. I only suggested it.

He offered her the job. She accepted it.

You wanna holler at somebody, go holler at her.

- I'd rather holler at you. - Oh.

How's the headache now, honey?

Oh, the headache's fine. But I feel terrible.

My lower back is agony.

I've tried everything.

How about lying down?

That's a good idea. Why don't you?

[laughs]

I mean you.

- Oh. - I'll help you, come on.

- No, no, no, I'll help you. - Oh, okay.

[laughs] You do very well. Okay.

So, we sit down here and I'll give you a little massage.

- First, this side. - Oh, this feels really nice.

You've got such soft hands.

And your perfume. Hmm.

Please, Pepe. Forget about hands and perfume.

We are here for something else.

That's right. And you're my kinda girl.

Ah... Hey!

[grunts]

No!

Aye!

How dare you!

[speaking in foreign language]

Total animal!

Your cousin just made a pass at a registered nurse.

I'm going home and dump a bucket of water

on his record of "Light my fire."

Pepe.

Come here, man.

What did you do to Liz?

I didn't do anything to her.

I just made a pass at her. And she slapped me in the face.

Well, I don't blame her, if I was your chauffeur

and you tried to kiss me, I'd slap you too.

But you don't realize what that girl did to me. I mean...

She slapped me.

Me. Pepe Fernando.

Why? What's so terrible about that?

Big deal, she slapped you. You'll get over it.

- What's so terrible? - Terrible?

It wasn't terrible. It was wonderful.

I mean, all my life...

...I'd been treated special, because I was blind...

Or maybe because I was a celebrity.

But, for the first time

I met a girl who said, "Hey, you ain't gonna get away with that

jive, baby."

And, she treated me...

...and accepted me for me, just as I am.

- A man. - That's right.

Hey, the job's still open now though, isn't it?

[snaps fingers] Yeah, the job is open.

And I can't wait to get started.

- Yeah-- - Okay, okay.

Alright, take the job.

Take the job and go to Vegas.

Live the good life with the beautiful people.

Play blackjack and crap.

You won't find any blackjack around here.

But you'll find a lot of... Never mind.

Hey, Ed.

You mean, you really want me to go to Las Vegas?

Yes, I want you to go.

I got along before you and I'll get along after you.

My problem is trying to get along during you.

Alright, if that's the way you feel about it

that's fine with me.

Boy, go be nice to people.

You slave, you work hard, you sacrifice

and they tell you to go to Vegas and live the good life.

- It's just not fair. - Yeah.

"Just not fair", he says.

You take somebody in, off the streets

and you give them every luxury.

- I-- - Luxury, what luxury?

I don't know about luxury, but I was sure taken in.

Yeah, well, if you were taken in you can certainly be let out.

[speaking in foreign language]

What's he saying? Hey.

What's he talking about?

I don't know, I wanna know what he said.

You'll find out as soon as I leave and then you'll be sorry

you don't have me anymore.

I'm not interested in what you have.

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend ♪

♪ A helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man yeah ♪

♪ Yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico ♪

♪ And The Man ♪♪

♪ The Man he's going to give you a raise ♪

♪ Chico if you try now you know it's going to very... ♪

Alright, alright, that's enough.

Hey, Chico, something has been bothering me.

Why does you cousin say

that the next lady chauffeur he hired

would have to have a big television?

No, you misunderstood. He didn't say big television.

He said she'd had to have a great set.

Oh, yeah.

[horn honking]

- Pepe. - Hey.

This is a surprise. What're you doing back here, brother?

Well, I just dropped in to say goodbye.

Oh, well, man, I'm sorry to see you go. That's a shame...

Well, I know you gotta get back on the road and everything--

- Well, you know when you got-- - I, uh, Pepe...

I think there's something you ought to know.

I think somebody's been taking advantage of you.

Did you know your new chauffeur is not a girl?

I know that, Ed.

You see, from now on, things are different with me.

I've cut out all of that playboy life.

And I've decided to travel light.

Now, I travel with a chauffeur and a butler.

- Oh. - That's better.

- That's a much better, safe-- - I... Yeah.

Excuse me.

I just wanna freshen up...

- Go ahead, Sam. - Yeah.

Uh, Pepe, who-who's that?

That's the butler.

I have... Wait a minute.

How did you get this lipstick on your collar?

- Well, um-- - Wait a minute, Ed.

- I think I can solve that. - Yeah?

- The butler did it. - The butler did it. I got it.

[theme music]

[male narrator] "Chico and The Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC studio, suburban California.

♪♪

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ He spent much of his time in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Alright ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪♪