Original subtitles

[Chico] One, two, ah, one, two, three and...

[theme song]

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪♪

Watch out for those bumps. Take it easy.

What's the matter with you, you're bouncing me

all over the place.

Here we are.

I don't like...

Hey, listen, you! I wanna tell you something.

You've been driving like Evil Nievel

and I just got off the operating table.

Sorry, Mr. Brown. Now, let me help you walk to your bed.

Walk, I don't wanna walk, I just got operated on.

- Now, can you take it easy? - I know, Mr. Brown.

But if you lie around you're gonna get sick.

I am sick.

I had the ambulance bring me here to the hospital

right after the accident, when it...

Accident. Where's Chico? What happened to Chico?

Where's my good friend Chico Rodriguez?

[woman on PA] Dr. Harris, your attorney's in the waiting room.

Is that really him?

That's... Oh, oh, no. Not poor Chico.

Oh, this is terrible.

Let me take a last look at the remains.

Hey, Ed, man, I'm alright.

Hey, what happened to you, man? You okay?

Never mind what happened to me. What happened to you?

When that car fell off the shack right on top of you

I thought it was curtains.

Oh, man, don't worry. You know I'm good under pressure.

Ohh!

Hey, make a right at the head of the bed, brother.

Keep the meter off, make it for yourself.

- Where are the women? - Oh, Chico.

- I'm so glad to see-- - Oww, be careful, man.

- I've got cracked ribs. - Cracked ribs?

- Oh, dear, that's terrible. - You guys should take it easy.

All you need to get better now is rest and quiet.

- Rest and quite-- - My Chico, Chico!

- What happened to my corazon? - Hey! Hey! Whoa! Whoa!

I thought you were dead, when I saw your name

on the accident report, I went out of my mind.

Oh, Chico, what happened to you, carito?

- Where were you-- - Oww, oww, oww.

Hey, the ribs, I got cracked ribs. mama.

Well, why didn't you say something?

I was too busy dying.

Hey, Ed, you remember Liz Garcia, don't you?

I never forget one of your fiances.

Hey, hey, Liz, ah, what're you doing here?

This is my new career.

You are looking at Liz Garcia

Ms. registered nurse of tomorrow,

and Ms. bed pan of today.

Now, it is time to take our bath.

Our bath?

I'll tell you, what-what.

Why don't you get in first and whip up the bubbles?

I give bath to everybody on this floor

and that includes your body.

And yours too, sailor.

- Oh, Chico, I was so worried. - Oww!

- Oh, sorry, I forgot. - You...

If only you had broken your feet

or your knees instead of your ribs.

Why?

Because I haven't studied the ribs yet.

But I know all about the legs.

Look, there's my tibia and my fibula

and my femur and, uh, that's just the bones.

Wait until I show you my cartilage.

Hey, show it to me, he's still young.

Out of your mind, that's the way we play

show and tell in nursing school.

Looking good, honey.

Okay.

The show is over, you peeping Tomaso.

- Now, I want to-- - Owww!

- Something wrong? - No.

It's the first time I've been on a trampoline.

Now, suppose you tell me how come the two of you

are wrapped up in my hospital?

Come on, start talking or I'm going to tell the kitchen

to serve you nothing but liver and tapioca with lumps.

What do we get if we co-operate?

The same junk only smaller potion.

- Now, you tell me-- - Hey!

- What happened? - Well, you see...

The car was on the jack and Chico was working under the car

when it slipped off the jack and landed right on top of him.

Well, when I saw his leg twitching

I pulled him and my back out at the same time.

But it's all my fault.

Because I wouldn't buy any new equipment like Chico wanted.

Oh, Chico, it's all your fault.

You shouldn't have been under a car in the first place.

You should've been in school.

Will you please tell me what is going on here?

Don't worry, Mrs. Macaroni.

It is not macaroni.

It's McInerney.

[in unison] MC-In-er-ney.

You say that very well.

I got everything under control.

I'll be the judge of that.

Now, you button your lip

and your blouse.

Not you, you.

Yes, sir, uh, ma'am.

- On your feet. - Feet? What for?

Why, it's time for our post-operative exercise.

Exercise? I'm in no mood to exercise.

I just got out of surgery.

- What're you trying to do? - Make you feel good.

Check his medication chart.

And straighten up that bed.

- Alright. Are you ready now? - I'm ready.

Here we go, and...

[in unison] One, two. One, two.

Cha-cha-cha, one, two.

One, two, cha-cha.

Well, what do you know? Alone at last.

Put away your googy eyes. I'm not interested.

Mama, a minute ago you were really happy to see me.

Chico, I like you very much, but I do not respect you anymore.

Should've never let her kiss me on the first date.

You have learn to explore your potential.

I think I'd rather explore your potential. It's rounder.

Listen, studying to be a nurse has taught me

more than where to stick a thermometer.

I have learned that learning is what makes a person grow.

And somebody who don't wanna grow is a nobody.

And a nobody is somebody nobody could love.

Take your pills.

Alright. But, Liz, I'm not a nobody, I'm a somebody.

You ask anybody. Liz?

One, two, cha-cha-cha. One, two, cha-cha-cha. One two.

- Wasn't that fun? - Oh, fun.

Ha, ha. Oh, oh, my elbow.

I have my elbow.

What-what's the matter with your elbow?

Nothing. It's the only part of my body that doesn't hurt.

Chico, I've been thinking it over.

When we get out of this concentration camp

I'm gonna let you make all those changes

in the garage that you wanted to.

And I can do this... Hey!

- You listening to me? - Yeah, Ed, I heard you.

But you don't have to make any changes

to the garage for me, man.

Something Liz said made me remember what happened

when that car came down on me, just before I passed out.

My whole life flashed before me.

I heard a voice saying, "Well, this is your life, sucker.

What you gonna do about it?"

Ed, right then I knew something in my life was missing.

- What're you talking about? - Well, Ed, you know.

I mean, it hasn't been easy.

I mean, the day I was born, my mother had hiccups.

That's why my birthday is 10th, 11th and 12th.

Right away we were poor.

Every Thanksgiving, my mother would stuff the turkey

with newspaper.

I usually got a drumstick and a sports page.

See, I talk about it funny now, but...

...I didn't laugh in those days about it.

I used to lay awake nights listening to the cockroaches

bang on the radiator for more heat.

"Come on, what's the matter with you? Steam is free."

You know...

Then, I grew up with young and old, male or female

strong and weak, all hoping, dreaming

all praying, all in one room.

Only empty space in all the apartment was the refrigerator.

It was tough, man, but, you know, somehow

even that wasn't so bad as long as my father was alive.

Sometimes just having your old man to look upto

and hit you when you were bad and hug you when you're good.

That can make everything alright.

Then after he died, you know...

...my mother she didn't let it get to her.

No, she had heart, boy.

She just went right on, I remember she used to tell me

she'd say, "Chico, eat all your chilli beans

and you'll grow up to be big and strong."

So, I ate all my chilli beans and I went out

and picked a fight with the craziest guy

in the neighborhood maniac Munioz,

this guy would run around biting dogs. Insane, man.

He's a cheerleader for a firing squad.

I think he got it...

And I remember, I went up to him and I said

"Maniac, you a sissy. I know kung-fu.

I'll jump in your collar and holla."

Then, he tied my legs into a knot

and did Flamenco on my face.

Well, just goes to show me a big lesson.

Never pick a fight when you are full of beans.

Well, but then I got lucky.

My third grade teacher took an interest in me.

Her name was Mrs. Rumple Meyer.

No, it was Mrs. Humple Meyer, that's how she used to say it.

And she used to tell me

"Chico, my little caballero

you have something the other children don't."

I said, "Well, don't blame me. I didn't get an vaccination."

What a school, boy.

The board education was so ashamed of it

they wouldn't name it after a President.

You are looking at a graduate of John Dillinger High.

You wanna talk about stupid. Ha.

In football game, half the marching band

couldn't spell high and the other half was.

They walked around like, give us a H, give us D

ah, Dillinger, hey.

Strange school.

But you know, Ed...

...through all those hardships

I always had my eye on something better, women.

Yeah, boy, the girls at Dillinger High

knew where it was at, where it was going

and how to get it back for you.

Hey, why are you telling me all this?

Well, Ed, see, don't you understand

if I don't take the opportunities

to change my life now, I-I could end up a nobody.

I'll never get to leave my heart in San Francisco

'cause my rear end will be stuck in LA.

Who knows how far I can, go if I only choose the right road now?

Then, maybe in a 100 years

people will say, "Oh, yeah, Chico Rodriguez

"remember him well, he was the first Puertorican

"on an airmail stamp wasn't he?

"Plane had one wing, pompoms and antennas

a little dog in the back window with his head going..."

Oh, yes.

See, Ed, I gotta start living everyday like it's my last one.

Yeah, well, in that case, uh

I'll give you, uh, extra half hour for lunch everyday.

No, Ed, that isn't it.

Man, I won't need an extra half hour for lunch

today, tomorrow or any other day.

I'm leaving the garage and I'm leaving you.

Ahh!

Well, say something.

Goodbye.

Louie, this is no place for a fellow to try to get well.

Half the money I'm spending here

I could've had a suite at the Ritz

with bottles of champagne.

Anytime they give you a bottle here, they want you to fill it.

Hey, Ed, why don't you sit down and relax

and eat a banana.

Because bananas are good for your eyes.

That's why you never see a gorilla wearing glasses.

[laughs]

Oh, never mind, Louie. I'm not hungry.

- I know why you ain't hungry? - Why?

You all upset, because you think Chico's

gonna leave the garage like he said.

No, I don't think he's leaving. I know he's leaving.

He's just trying to turn his life around.

That's what everybody say they gon' do

when they think they gon' die.

Not Chico, he's sincere.

You wanna bet?

Come on, Lou, put that back.

If I leave you alone, you'll be eating the blankets

and the linens.

Look, Ed, I ain't come empty handed.

I went all the way down to the dock to get this for you.

Ohh, just what I always wanted.

A leftover wreath from a burial at sea.

Okey-dokey, it's time to take yours pill and drink your juice.

We have pineapple, papaya, prune and penicillin.

Listen, I got so many pills in my stomach

that everytime I drink a glass of water, I fizz for 20 minutes.

Look out, look out I think I'll have these hands insured

for a million dollars, because they are solid gold.

Oh, sometimes yes and sometimes no.

Anyway, I just fixed a crank on a patients bed

and I ain't never seen one before.

When you're a born mechanic, nothing's impossible.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Mr. Edward Brown.

And who may I ask is I'm?

I am Angus W Markel with the firm of

Goldfarb, O'Riley, Himenes, Kowalsky and Chang.

This is my insurance agent, I called him.

- Right after the accident. - That's right.

Mr. Rodriguez is entitled to a cash settlement of $7500.

And you are gonna give me $7500?

Not I personally, amalgamated comprehensive.

Oh, man, I love you and you can tell

Hiro, Hido, Mohammed, Jones and Chang, that I love them too.

Honey, did you hear what he said?

What is this? An old Indian trail?

I'll have money to go to school, and travel and everything.

Hey, out of sight, man.

- Good day, Mr. Brown. - Yeah.

Oh, boy, this is too much.

My Chico, a heiress.

Well... well, I can't wait to get started on my new life.

Don't get me wrong, Ed. I'm gonna miss you, man.

Your my bestfriend, you know that. I love you.

Oh, come on, don't get mushy.

You know someday you're gonna be famous.

You know, s-someday I'm gonna be famous

because I knew you when.

Oh, look, that lawyer forgot his purse.

I better take it down to him before he leaves the building.

I'll go with you, mama.

I'll walk with you because from now on

we're gonna do lot of stepping.

- Oh! My corazon. - Yeah, you got it.

Yeah, if you didn't have no insurance

Chico wouldn't be in no place.

- Yeah. What? - But you know something, Ed?

- You don't have no insurance. - Yeah?

- I know that to be a fact. - What're you talking about?

Where do you get all these weird ideas?

Look, I was with you when you threw that insurance agent

out on his beneficiary

and I definitely heard you tell him

"The only coverage that I need is an electric blanket."

Well, I guess you got me.

You see, Louie, I borrowed that money

from a life insurance policy, so, I could give Chico

the opportunity to have a fresh start.

Now, what're gonna do about it?

Look, Ed, don't get all upset.

I ain't gonna do nothin'.

But I would like to know, just why are you doing it?

- Why? - Yeah, why?

- Well, I'll tell why. - well, go on and tell me why.

If you'll shut up, I'll tell you.

You see, when I heard Chico say

that he saw his whole life flash before his eyes

I kind of had to take a good look at my own life.

And I want to tell you a few things.

Chico had a rough life. You should've seen mine.

My poor mother used to get up at the crack of dawn

get on the bus and ride all the way across town

to the rich people side

uh, where she would pick up the washing and the linen.

And that used to bother me

because I knew that someday she was gonna get caught.

And then, my father...

well, he was in show business. He was a vaudevillian.

Yes, he did an act with the trained seal

that was called "Bernie and Chuckles."

And they did pretty good. It was not a bad act at all.

Until one day Chuckles ate a bad herring and he passed away.

Well, we were all terribly upset.

My mother cried for weeks and weeks and weeks and month

because Chuckles was a pretty good husband.

And then, uh, I had to grow up and take over.

You see, so I went into show business

and I met a lot of nice people there.

I'll never forget Flora, the tattooed lady.

Lovely woman.

She had flames tattooed on one knee

and the devil tattooed on the other knee

and when she crossed her legs it looked like hell.

Now, sir, well

she met the India rubber man, JoJo

and they got married.

And I'll never forget their wedding night.

They were dancing on the floor

and he erased her completely.

But JoJo had his own troubles.

He got into a big pot a little later on

because he got into in some trouble

with some professional ball player

and they dribbled him to death.

That's when I had to get in to get out and go to work.

I went into burlesque.

Yes, I'll never forget those wonderful days in burlesque

or those nights.

Ah, those strippers...

[humming]

Take it off.

Take it off, huh? Take it off.

I heard that phrase so many times

that, when I was getting my physical in the army

and the doctors told me to take it off

I told them, "I couldn't work without a drummer."

Rum-bum!

Rum-bum? What does a rum-bum mean?

A rum-bum is a rim shot on the drums.

That's what I used to use in my act.

See, I'll never forget

how the emcee used to introduce me.

He would say, "Ladies and gentlemen

"he was outstanding in Philadelphia

"he was outstanding in Boston

and now he's outstanding in the washroom."

"Let's, uh... ladies and gentlemen

may I introduce the dapper, Eddie Brown."

"Lights!"

"And applause."

Thank you, very much.

Yes, sir.

I'll never forget it.

I used to walk right out there and say, ladies and gentlemen

I want to sing a song that's the favorite of yours

and I hope it's a favorite of mine.

ON your toes, Louie, we are gonna do this together here.

Here we go.

♪ Just me ♪

♪ And my shadow ♪

♪ Strolling down the avenue ♪

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

Panhandle walked upto me he said,

"Pardon me, friend," hr said, "Would you give me a dollar

for my poor old mother?" And I said--

"I don't need one, I already got a poor old mother, ba-rum-bum."

- You heard it, huh? - Long time ago.

Well, so did all my audiences.

Louie, I was the only song and dance man

to be stoned at a benefit.

♪ Just me ♪

♪ And my shadow ♪

Louie, there are three words you should remember all your life.

- Never argue. - Those are two words.

See, you are starting already.

♪ And when it's 12 o'clock ♪

♪ We climb the stairs ♪

♪ We never knock ♪

♪ Cause nobody's there ♪♪

Now, Louie, when I looked out at my audience

nobody was there.

Well, I can understand that.

Go, sit in the balcony.

That's when I went into the garage business.

And I must say, the garage business did well.

As a matter of fact, one day

the garage business went right through the roof.

- You did well. - No.

Some dummy lit a cigarette at the gas pump.

Louie, remember that fellow who came in here as the lawyer?

- Yeah. - That was no lawyer.

That was old vaudeville pal of mine.

Philipo, the great, he was a magician.

So, Louie, please don't tell Chico what I did.

Because I want Chico to have the chance

that I never had.

- Ohh-- - Nope, no good.

We missed him.

Oh, well, you can always bring it over to him

when you go to pick up the check.

- Oh, I'm not gonna do that, Ed. - And I'm not going to let him.

- Why not? - Cause it's not my money.

- It's Ed's. - Oh, what're you talking about?

- You heard the lawyer. - Yeah, I heard him.

And here's something he didn't say.

Well, a lot of lawyers carry pets.

Yeah, well, here's his bunny.

Oh, here's a nice little item.

And a magic wand and there's all other stuff in here.

What's he? One of your old vaudeville buddies, isn't he?

Well, I guess you got me.

Ed, man, I love you for wanting to give me my chance

to get to the top, but I'll get there on my own.

And I don't mind being a mechanic.

It's an honorable profession.

There's never been water gate in the field of tire rotation.

And I think that in conclusion

we ought to give Mr. Brown a big hand.

Oh, we hate to leave too, sugar.

- I'll see you tonight. - Oh, not so fast.

You have to take your pills.

Why do we have to take pills, we're checking out!

I know, I know, but Mrs. Maccaroni told me

"Be sure, be sure and give these pills

to the two patients in the room 410."

- So, take your pills. - Okay.

[woman on PA] Dr. Rothman, your attorney is at the emergency desk.

Is this room...

- Is this room 410? - Yes, it is.

We're your new patients.

Oh!

I hope it's a girl.

[woman on PA] Attention all attorneys, is there a doctor in the house?

[Freddie] Chico and the man was recorded live before a studio audience

at NBC studio, Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was crazy for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah baby ♪

♪ It's alright ♪♪