Original subtitles

♪ One two uh one two three and... ♪

[theme music]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪♪

Hey, Ed!

Breakfast is now being served.

They can't do this! They can't do this to me!

I'm gonna tell 'em off.

No insurance company is gonna get the best of me.

- This is terrible, terrible-- - Wait, wait, wait.

- Be cool. What's so terrible? - Oh!

What's so terrible? Here, read that.

"Dear Mr. Brown..."

"...upon receipt of your signature

"on the enclosed postcard...

we will send you our check for...$10,000."

I'll tell 'em what they can do with those $10,000.

A dollar at a time.

Are you outta your koog man?

They wanna give you $10,000 and you don't wanna...

[speaking foreign language]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't understand, you see,

I've had a life insurance policy for $25,000

for a number of years, and I paid $10,000

up to this date, see?

Now they wanna pull the wool over my eyes

and give me back my own $10,000.

[scoffs] For $10,000 they could pull the wool

over my eyes and put the rest of the sheep on my face.

You better sign that card and send it back

before they change their minds.

No way. Before I do that I'll kick the bucket

make 'em pay the whole policy. That'll teach 'em a lesson.

Ed, it might teach you a lesson. What if inflation hits heaven?

You could wind up playing a busted harp

on the dirty cloud in a bad neighborhood.

Listen, if I blow that money now

I'll probably wind up in a sheepy funeral

wrapped in aluminum foil

and shoved under a porch. So forget it.

Ed, if I were you, I'd forget about the end

and spend that money on a groovy now.

I'd wait at the beach for the tide to roll in

with the beautiful babes in bikinis.

They might escape jaws, but they'll never get past lips.

That's what I'd do if I was you.

Well, all I can say is I'm glad you're not me.

'Cause If I did that, I'd last about 15 minutes.

Besides $10,000 is peanuts today.

It's not enough for a decent retirement.

Hey, retirement, there was somethin' about that

in the paper.

- There's a place in here. - Where?

Here it is, "Golden Sunset Hills

the place for people who are old yet think young."

Look at this guy in the gray suit. Look at him.

- He's smiling. - Yeah, he's smiling.

He's probably the undertaker.

Ed, with those $10,000 you could get a condominium

at Golden Sunset Hills and have a few 1000 left over.

I'll watch the garage, send you a check every month.

For the first time in your life you could be as happy

as the people in commercials.

Yeah, well if my life was a commercial

my sponsor would probably be Sapatos.

[engine clanking]

Hey, we're under attack!

Gentlemen, please stop staring and start repairing!

Because that new starter you gave me

just passed away to that big junk yard in the sky.

What're you talking about new starter?

I put that starter in nine years ago.

Besides what good is a new starter

when everything else has stopped?

Listen, the Repair Manual on this car

must've been written on a stone tablet.

Why don't you retire the thing? Put it out to pasture.

Yeah, like some people I know.

Well, I'm not gonna retire

as long as there's some gas in my tank.

But, Ed, uh...

...retirement can be beautiful under the right circumstances.

Oh, not to Ed, he's too important around here.

He's the last grouch before the freeway.

Look... let me tell you somethin', if you got the loot...

you ought to scoot to the place that I'm talking about.

This place is so healthy, Ed

that even the holes on the golf course keep healing up.

Where is this place?

This place is called the Golden Sunset Hill.

Oh, come on, Louis, not again.

The two of you are trying to push me

into retirement, will you stop?

See, I was just telling him about Golden Sunset Hills.

Ed, if I was you I'd go there tomorrow and take a look.

Well, you're not me and I know exactly

what I'm gonna do which is nothing.

Besides I have to work tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Sunday. I heard it on the news.

Yeah.

As far as this conversation is concerned

you can believe I'm in Philadelphia.

[bin clanking]

- Ed. - What?

I love you and I will miss you if you retire.

But if I think you have a chance for peace and happiness

and you don't take it, I will never forgive myself.

- Do it for me. - And do it for me too, Ed.

Oh, alright, alright. I'll take a look tomorrow.

But don't expect me to throw in the towel.

Look at that stuff you're drinking.

Look your hands shaking. You're spilling it all over.

You know somethin'? When you're right, you're right!

See what I mean. This is what I have to deal with.

- Hi, everybody! - Hi!

Well, there it is, you just had this short tour

of the championship golf course, professional tennis court

and the Olympic sized swimming pool.

Yeah. Now where's your Olympic sized oxygen tent?

What would you like to see next?

Well, now that you mentioned it there are--

No, you don't!

Okay, boys. The drinks are on me!

Hey, Lola, look. I just shot two birdies and an eagle.

Instead of a golf club. Why don't you use the shotgun?

Tammy, I'd like you to meet

Chico Rodriguez and Mr. Ed Brown.

He's thinking of joining our little family.

Oh, far out.

You know, we could you some young blood, Lola.

No, no, Tammy. I'm speaking of Mr. Brown.

- He's thinking of staying. - Oh!

How'd you like to meet me at the pool house, honey?

I'll show you, I'll show you where the horse bit me.

Hey, madam. How old are you?

I'm 23.

I haven't been kissed yet... this morning.

Excuse me. I have to teach my daily dance class.

Okay, everybody. What'll it be?

The boogie, the samba, or the Funky turkey?

[clapping] We don't have care as long as it swings.

Ed, people here don't act old at all.

I bet they have to lock them up at night

so they don't drag race in their wheelchairs.

And I thought they'd all be sitting around

I never expected to see any of these people on their feet.

Look at all these activities they got.

"Judo after 60, Kung Fu after 70, and Crutch Karate."

- Hi, everyone! - Hi!

Hello, Tammy!

Crazy Legs, how'd you like to cut a rug?

That's our resident doctor. But we really don't need him.

Everyone here is as strong as a horse.

You're right. You don't need a doctor, you need a veterinarian.

Oh, Lola, quit all the yaking and let's go on with the lesson.

I'm beatin' out to this groovy beat.

Alright, come on everybody. Grab your partners.

- I've already got mine. - Yeah.

If you don't know the steps, Ed, I'll lead.

Oh, well, I don't wanna show you up.

Oh, that's okay.

- How about you, Chico? - You got it, mama.

Okay!

[all cheering]

No, no, no. Wait a minute, that's not it.

Hey, come on, get rid of that junk!

And put on some good music.

♪♪

Go!

Ta ta...

[all clapping]

Whoa!

[cheering]

♪♪

No. no.

[cheering]

[laughing]

Hey, Chico, my coco ready?

- Yes, indeed. - Oh, thank you.

Ed, I haven't seen you smile so much

since that fat lady caught a girdle

on the gearshift of the Volkswagen

kept getting out and snapping back in.

[Chico laughing]

Ah, that was a lot of laughs.

Well, now you're going to enjoy yourself and you've earned it

and the insurance company gives you the means to do it.

Yeah, well, I'll give it a try.

But let's talk about it again in the morning.

Okay. Why don't you sleep on it? I'm proud of you, man.

If I were you I'd get some shut eye.

Enough of that. I'm a mature and cranky man.

And I'll do what I want in a mature and cranky manner.

So good night!

Buenas noches yourself, Ed. Sleep tight.

Believe me you're doing the right thing.

Being retired is gonna be grate for you. You're gonna love it.

You're gonna have a great time with the people your own age.

And I'll run the garage for you

and send you a check every month, Ed.

You won't miss a thing, you'll play golf.

Lots of friends. And it'll be grate for you.

And you won't miss a thing.

Everything is gonna be grate.

♪♪

[dreaming] Welcome, Mr. Brown.

Welcome to Golden Sunset Hills.

Now you are one of us.

Who stole my wrench?

- Who stole my garage? - No one!

Your garage is just where it should be.

And so are you.

When did I die?

Oh. You didn't die. You retired.

- What's the difference? - But none.

And now for your dance lesson.

But I just finished playing tennis.

- When can I stop having fun? - Oh, never!

♪♪

- Having a good time? - Yes.

- I'm having a good time. - And you owe it all to Chico.

I owe it all to Chico!

You love that boy, don't you?

Do I have to say that?

Yes, you do.

- I love that boy. - Aww.

- And now for your poem. - Yes?

My poem.

♪♪

Now...

A poem.

By Will Eddie Brown.

Age sixty five and a half.

Chico...

"C" is for his chilly

hot as blazes.

"H" because he's happy all the while.

"I" is for the eyebrows which he raises.

"C" is for the cha-cha in his smile.

"O" is always for the o's in "Looking good!"

And the fact there's nothing like a Chico.

Right!

So put a Chico in your garage

and you'll never have to worry about growing old.

And now, Mr. Brown, to give you the results

of your latest medical report

here he is. The doctor!

♪♪

And here it is, Mr Brown.

Lungs terrific, kidneys fabulous,

liver great. With onions even better.

And your heart, Mr. Brown

your heart is the heart of a 20 year old.

Oh...20 year old what?

We don't know.

But if your heart gets any younger.

We'll have to diaper your chest.

But if-if I'm in such good shape

why do I have to spend all my time here?

What do you care? Your as strong as a horse.

Now here, have a carrot.

Bye-bye.

[mimics horse neigh]

Oh, out of sight! I just popped a wheelie on my wheelchair.

and... I am ready to mellow out.

Come here.

Why don't you and me just split this joint

and go in for a little heavy breathing?

Oh, boy, am I having fun.

I can never thank Chico enough

for making me realize this is the life for me.

- Oh, yes you can. - I can?

You can thank him in person

because he's going to visit you right now.

- He is? - Senor Chico Rodriguez!

The national bird of Porto Rico.

♪♪

Looking good!

Hey, far, out groovy, this is heavy. Hey, Fred.

- Ed. Ed. - Right.

Oh boy, am I glad to see you, I can't tell you how I miss yo--

Don't nag me, man. I saw you six months ago.

So, what's shakin', man?

Oh, my, my hands are shaking. That's what it is.

- I think I need a drink. - Have a drink on me, Ed.

Oh, thank you.

A toast.

Water is the only drink, it never is disturbing.

It's clean and tasty from the sink...

...I wish that it was Bourbon.

[screaming] Prune juice.

Nevermind, man. How they treatin' ya?

You like the food here? Nice place?

Well, that's what I like you see

small and sweet talks we have all the time.

Nice space, man. Bye. Hi, honey. How you doin'?

[screaming]

Oh, no, no, no. Hey, you can't do that.

I forgot I got a check for you from the garage.

Oh, yeah. Oh, boy business must be booming.

Look at the size of this check.

Yeah, it's been great since you've been gone.

- Yeah, thanks a lot. - Well, I got to split, Fred.

[Tammy screaming]

Oh, Chico, Chico, please.

I wanna go back and see the garage.

I wanna see how things have been since I retired.

You got everything you need right here.

Yeah, but I wanna go and see--

No, Ed, stay with me.

Hands off, sister. He's staying with me.

Well, bye-bye.

Oh, no, Chico, please don't leave me.

Take me with you. Take me with you.

Alright, you think you can handle it?

But it's a new world out there man. New world.

♪♪

New world. It's a new world.

- It's a new world. - Yeah.

Ah, it's wonderful to be back

in the garage again, Chico, I just...

Say... What's this?

I didn't know Flash Gordon had a dealership.

It's Chevy, man, don't you recognize

the dog in the back with the head going up and down?

The doggy I remember but the rest of this thing is so weird.

Say, how do you fix this car?

Oh, I don't fix it. My assistant does that.

- You have your own mechanic? - Oh, yeah.

Va-Va.

Come in here please. It's fix it time.

[jazz music]

Holy Anna!

This is a mechanic?

How is she ever gonna get under that car?

That's why we call her Va Va, man. It stands for Va Va Voom!

Honey, do your thing.

No, later. Later. Now fix the car.

Oh, that.

Oh, Chico, please. Let me fix the car, too.

Hey, that's an 800 power jet engine

and it's got a 10 speed synchromesh transmission.

Yeah, but I know what to do with it. I'm a great mechanic.

You said that and nothing can change that.

- Please let me. - Sure you can handle it?

- Go ahead then. Okay. - Oh, yeah.

Nothing to worry about. I haven't changed.

Excuse me there. Yeah, pardon me.

Now, just watch this.

[explosion]

- What'd I do? What'd I do? - You killed the car, man.

I had too. It's self defense, it pulled a knife on me.

- Come over here. Sit down. - Oh.

Don't touch anything. Va Va!

[upbeat music]

Chico, ain't my car ready yet?

Because I've got to go down to the city hall.

They're gonna make me the person of the year

the man of the hour, and the flower of the orient.

[speaking foreign language]

Oh, say, Louie, it's great to see you.

Uh, remember me? Ed.

Oh, sure. I remember you. Ed who?

Ed Brown. This used to be my garage.

- Oh, that Brown. - Yeah.

You retired, didn't ya?

Oh, sure. Boy, am I having fun.

You know something, today I made

a ceramic ashtray this afternoon.

I learned how to say "Kiss Me colonel" in German.

And tonight... Now get this.

Tonight. I'm gonna join the fainting contest at midnight.

Tell me have you been having much fun?

Oh, you better believe it, Ed.

Now, this mornin' I saved a man from being mugged.

Carried out a couple of tons of trash.

Had my phone tapped by the CIA.

And man I'm ridin' high

with all that muggin', luggin', and buggin'.

Uh, say, Chico, would you hurry up with my vehicle.

Because time is running out. Oh.

I said time is runinnin' out.

Wait, wait.

Please, Louie, come back here.

Hey, Chico, Va Va, will somebody talk to me.

This is old Ed Brown.

Your lovable old Ed Brown, I used on his garage.

I... I demand that you talk to me. Oh!

Oh, nobody wants to...

Doesn't anybody want me anymore?

[thunder rumbling]

[indistinct chatter]

- Bye, Ed. Bye. - No, no. I don't wanna go.

No, please. No.

Chico, don't let them take me away.

- Bye. - No!

Ed, don't leave, don't...

No, I'm sorry. I see what I did.

Ed, don't, don't go.

Don't go, Ed.

Don't go, Ed, Ed, Ed! Don't leave, Ed.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

- Ed, it's you. - Yeah, of course it's me.

You know how I know it's me?

When I was shaving this morning

I recognized myself in the mirror.

Oh, Ed, never retire.

Maybe retirement wasn't such a hot idea.

Oh, come on, don't worry about me, Chico.

I know what I'm gonna do.

Hey, I had this terrible dream, man, let me--

You had a dream too? Hey, let me tell you about my dream.

I dreamed that Lola came in as a chef wearing a barbecue apron

and she started to sprinkle parsley all over me.

Yeah, but wait in my dream--

And then Tammy came in

wearing a Rams uniform

and picked me up like a football

and then she kicked me for the extra point.

E-Ed, what're you trying to say?

All I'm trying to say is that I'm not gonna retire

until the buzzards starts circling my person.

Yes, sir, when I leave I'm gonna go...

...with a wrench in one hand and a bottle in the other hand.

Come to think of it make it two bottles

because a wrench you can always get.

My, Ed, my. Oh.

Oh, I'm so glad you came back.

Oh. Oh.

you can take a long fishing trip.

Are you kidding, after all taxes taken out

Social Security, city, state, federal taxes

there won't be enough left to go in relief.

So then what's with all the fishing gear?

That's my new invention.

In case I don't get a bite. Aye.

Oh, whoops, I think I got something.

Oh. Ooh.

Looking good!

[Freddie] Chico and The Man was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Alright yeah ♪♪