Original subtitles

[male 1] One, two, a one, two, three and...

[theme song]

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and The Man ♪♪

Hey, Chico, get out here!

Coming, bwana, coming.

Yes, bwana?

Take this and put it over by the pump.

[speaking in foreign language]

Ed, can I ask you something?

Why is it that I always have to carry the heavy stuff?

That's because a question of supply and demand.

As long as I supply the wages, I can demand anything you do.

[groaning]

Oh!

Reverend Bemis, what happened to you?

Looks like somebody dropped a bomb in your long john.

Well, I was riding along on my motorcycle.

- Composing my Sunday sermon. - Yeah.

It's called keeping both feet on the ground.

So I came to this red light, plied my brakes.

- And came to a stop! - So?

So then I forgot to keep both feet on the ground, you know?

You know, this friend of mine, Nat, had the same problem.

Nat's this black dude, about seven-feet high.

One foot of it is hair, two foot of it is platform shoes.

Nat's about this big.

And, and he has a system that

see, well, he has a system to solve that whole thing

when it comes to red lights.

- How? - He doesn't stop to 'em.

That's okay for your friend, man, but it's very distracting

when you have to lower your legs every time you come to a stop!

Say, reverend, I may have just the thing for you.

Don't go away, I'll be right back.

- What does he mean? - I don't know.

Here we are. Here it is, right here.

Ah!

- What's it? - Wha-what is it?

This is my nephew's motorcycle, you see?

My nephew has very short legs.

So every time he sits on the motorcycle

his feet won't touch the ground.

So you attach these to his legs?

Oh, no, you attach this to the motorcycle.

See, when you put the brakes on, the wheels come down

and it, you don't have to put your feet down.

Yeah, training wheels for motorcycles, that's great.

Hey, where did you get this thing?

What you mean get it? I made it.

You mean this is your own invention?

Well, it's not an invention, it's just a little

uh, what some would say, a gimmick.

- That's what it is. Yeah. - A gimmick?

A gimmick? Is the man crazy? This is a godsend.

Hey, just think.

Your invention does the same thing I do.

- What's that? - We both save souls.

[laughing]

Just a little, uh, theological whimsy there.

- Uh-huh? - Ed, this is wonderful, man.

- What? - This is incredible!

This is one of the great inventions of all time.

What are you talking about, there hasn't been

a great invention since, uh, Thomas Edison invented something

that made people enable to talk into a telephone.

No, Edison. You're talking about the light bulb.

Oh, ridiculous. Who talks into a light bulb?

No, and all the great inventions however have been done.

You see, they don't make inventions anymore.

Ed, some of the greatest inventions are still being made.

Haven't you seen that commercial on the weekends

about that place, what's its name, Invent-A-Mart

that helps people sell their inventions?

Like that guy, Mr. HS of Prune Danish, Arkansas.

He made this car with an engine in the front

and an engine in the back for people who don't know

whether they're comin' or going.

Hey, yeah, I saw that.

Yeah, I remember the slogan.

"Invent-A-Mart, you devise it, we merchandise it."

That's it. Man, we should take this to Invent-A-Mart.

We're sitting on a goldmine.

Yeah, and you're sitting on your brains.

That's just-just a couple of wheels

attached to a couple of shock-absorbers.

Yeah, and the hula hoop was a couple of wheels

attached to a couple of kids.

Tellin' you, man, great inventions

come from small beginnings.

In the year 1750, there was an inventor

and he saw a steaming tea kettle

and he figured out how to use the power of steam.

So he picked up the lid, and from that small action

came one of the greatest inventions of all time.

Sure, the steam engine.

No, the potholder. Boy, did he burn his hand!

Aah!

Uh, clocks.

Do you know how people told time

before clocks were invented?

By the length of their shadow.

It was a problem, the tall people got everywhere on time

the short people never showed up.

Now, let me tell you something, rev.

If you have any desire to have this thing

just say the word and it's all yours.

Oh, no, Ed, I couldn't take your invention.

Now, you should take it to Invent-A-Mart like Chico says.

- Right on, rev. - Yes.

Remember what the good book says, Ed.

He who procrastinates goes nowhere.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was always gonna give up procrastinating

but I kept putting it off and putting it off.

Ed, that is a very profound thought.

No, it isn't. It's a joke.

Ah! Oh, well, in that case...

[laughing]

What are we doing here, Chico? This is a waste of time.

- Ed, you gotta think positive. - Okay.

I'm positive it's a waste of time.

Ah, gentlemen, gentlemen, I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

- I've been in conference. - Yes.

Hello, Mr. Barlow, I'm Chico Rodriguez.

It's a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Rodriguez.

Thank you. This is my partner, Ed Brown.

Ed Brown, it's my pleasure, sir, my pleasure.

Now, what can I do for you gentlemen?

I hope you have a sprinkler system

installed in this building 'cause we got an invention

and it's gonna set the house afire.

[laughs] As matter of fact

I think I remember your invention.

Yes, it was a combination spoon and fork for fast-eaters.

- No, no, no. - Yes, yes. I do, I do.

I remember it, as a matter of fact, it was called The Spork.

- No. - No?

- Or was it The Foon? - No, it wasn't.

Oh, I loved it, I just loved the idea

whatever it was, just loved it.

No, you don't understand, our invention

is the greatest thing since the wheel.

Better than the wheel? Please.

- Two wheels. - No.

For the back of a motorcycle.

- That's wonderful! - Yeah.

I love the idea! I just love it!

But don't motorcycles already have two wheels?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course, but you see

these are like training wheels.

You see, when you put on the brakes

and the motorcycle comes to a stop...

- Uh-huh. - Here.

These drop down and r-remains upright.

Oh, Mr. Brown.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, all I need now is a brass plaque.

A brass plaque that I can set right here in the floor

and I would engrave on it for the whole world to see

- On this spot... - Yeah.

Ed brown revealed to the world

The Brown Bicycle Balancer.

- Look at that. Oh, what a... - Oh.

- What a-- - Don't step on my plaque.

[indistinct chatter]

Gentlemen, gentlemen, it's my pleasure

to present you with my check here for $2000.

- Two-thousand dollars? - Two-thousand dollars?

Oh, no, you're right, you're right.

That is chicken feed, chicken feed

for such an important invention, No, sir!

Let me think this over for just a second.

We're here-here, here now, here!

- What happened, what-what? - Have no fear, gentlemen.

It is my pleasure to present you with my personal check here

for $3000.

- Three-thousand dollars? - Here.

- Oh, my man... - No, I can't.

- I can't do that at all. - What are you doing?

No, I can't. No, really. It isn't right, it isn't right.

If I did that, I could not live with myself.

- I'll get you a roommate. - No, no, no. No.

You see, you don't understand, gentlemen.

You, you-you stand to make a lot of money from this invention.

- Now listen to me, Mr. Brown. - Yeah.

If-if I were to buy this wheel for 5000

or even $10,000, I would be cheating you!

- Cheat me, cheat me, cheat me. - Cheat him, cheat him!

Cheat him, cheat him!

Hey, gentlemen, you don't understand.

We are here just to merchandise your invention.

You see, you stand to make the big money.

We just make a small fee.

Oh, you make us a... How much is the small fee?

- Oh, just a pittance. - A pittance?

- A mere bagatelle. - Mere bagatelle?

- A drop in the bucket. - Drop in the bucket?

- Only $500. - Only 5...

The bucket just dropped.

Give me a moment to talk about it.

- Uh, M-Mr. Barlow... - We don't have 500--

- Yes. - Uh...

How much you think we could make of this invention?

Ooh, I would say, ahem

in the neighborhood of, um

half a million dollars.

Ave Maria.

That neighborhood ain't no ghetto.

Listen, Ed, uh, we can raise the money.

- You can? Yeah. - You got 200. I got a 100.

Reverend Bemis got 50. What can we lose?

So far $350.

I'm not afraid to take a plunge.

I don't mind taking a plunge. I just don't wanna take a bath.

Ed, if the reverend's gonna invest

and I'm gonna invest, what do you say?

Well, well, um, uh, um, okay.

- You'll invest? - No, not me.

You and the reverend, you invest.

Ed, if you don't, you'll never forgive yourself.

You'll knock yourself till the day you die.

You'll say, "I had the chance to invest in myself

and I did a policeman's exit."

Yeah, I would...

Well, wha-what's a policeman's exit?

A cop-out. Ha-ha-ha!

- Come on, what do you think? - Oh, alright, alright.

I'll give you $200, I to...

No, no, I'll give you a $190

'cause I gotta save 10 for my old age.

- Alright! Mr. Barlow! - Yes.

We'll be here tomorrow with the cash.

You just get the ball rolling.

Made a very good decision, young man.

Mr. Brown, it's been a pleasure dealing with you.

- A pleasure, sir. - Yes, okay.

- Ed. - What?

I'm gonna have a Rolls-Royce

a mansion and a polo pony.

Yeah, and I get the upstairs made, how's that?

Gentlemen, see you tomorrow. Don't forget.

- Thank you. - Five-hundred dollars, cash.

[laughs]

Oh, boy. Oh.

Are they live ones.

Hello, Harry, Harry, this is Barlow.

Yeah, I just got a hold of a couple of live ones.

Yeah. Are you ready for this? Are you ready, Harry?

Training wheels for motorcycles.

[laughs]

Ah. I wonder where Chico is.

I wish he'd hurry up with that mail.

He'll be here. Um, here he comes now.

- Hey, Ed! - Huh.

Here he is. Uh, open it up, quick, quick, open.

"Gentlemen, the attached brochure has been prepared

"especially for your invention

and sent to the manufacturers listed below."

- Oh, boy. - Let's see it.

- Let's see it. - Hurry up.

[all] Oh!

- Look at that! - Look at that!

Printed in color and everything.

- You know what this means? - What does that mean?

I'll be a rich man.

I'll be able to walk up to Howard Hughes and go

"Hi, Howie baby, long time no see."

Oh.

You can say that about Howard Hughes right now.

And I'm not worried about the tens of thousands of dollars

we're supposed to make 'cause the government

take it all in taxes anyhow.

You know, you're right, making thousands of dollars is no good.

We gotta figure out a way so that the government

can't take anything.

- I got it. We make millions. - Oh.

Good, then I will be able to repay the $150

I borrowed from our fund for unwed fathers.

Or as we call it Stop-A-Papa.

- Hey. - Hey, Louie.

♪ Throw out your trash... ♪

♪ 'Cause the main man Louie is back from vacation ♪♪

Louie, old boy, good to have you back here.

Tell me, how was the fishin' trip?

Oh, Ed, I didn't do too much fishin'.

Stayed indoors most of the time because of an unexpected gale.

- Oh, that's too bad. - Oh, I didn't mind.

And neither did Gail.

[laughing]

So what's new around here?

Oh, nothing much, except Ed and I are gonna become millionaires

off of his invention.

- Yeah. - Take a look at that.

"Invent-A-Mart.

"Introducing the latest development

"in motorcycling equipment

The Brown Bike Balancer."

Yeah, if you don't like it in brown

we got it in red, blue and green.

Invent-A-Mart.

Brown Bike Bal...

- Hey! I just remember! - What?

Fellows, I think I got some bad news for you.

Bad, ba-ba... Wh-wh-what's the bad news?

It's about this Invent-A-Mart.

So far their biggest invention for making money

is, uh, something called a rip-off!

Louie, you're kiddin'.

- Ed, he's kiddin'. - He's kiddin'.

Please let him be kiddin', please!

Please, let... For my life, let...

You're kidding, aren't you?

I wish I was, Chico, but I ain't.

You see, a friend at work brought them his invention

and, uh, took him in and, man, they cleaned him out.

What was his invention?

A lock on a garbage can

so that folks won't be stealing your garbage.

That's ridiculous. Who would wanna steal any garbage?

I didn't think about that until it was too late.

Louie, that's stupid, but they said that Ed's invention

was the greatest thing since Kitty Litter.

Yeah? They told my friend the same thing.

He gave 'em $500

and all he got for it was a fancy brochure

just like the one you got there.

I guess there's a sucker born every minute.

Yeah.

Uh, Chico, would you get me a hammer?

Sure.

Thank you.

[clamoring]

Ed, don't kill him!

Don't kill him, man.

Lou-Lo-Louie, ther-there's gotta be some mistake.

They-they sent this brochure to all these companies here.

Yeah, I know, I've seen the list before.

Now, you see that company right there?

- Yeah. - I pick up their trash.

That's the Fly Casters Incorporated.

They make fishing equipment.

And this company right there, The White Water Sporting Goods

they make canoes.

Either way, fellas, you are up the creek.

Up the creek!

- Uh, look, Ed... - I'm looking.

You know what I see?

A stupid old fool put in a poor house by a stupid young fool.

I don't mind the $190.

It's losing the $190 that I mind!

And all because you wanted a potful of money.

Now we haven't even got a pot.

Alright, alright, it's my fault, I admit it.

Hang me from the highest tree.

Put me in front of a firing squad.

Take away my teddy bear, man.

- Well, whatever you wanna-- - No, never mind.

I guess most of it's my fault, anyhow.

I should have been able to spot a con.

Imagine that, me, an old corny pitchman.

Well, it ain't been taken in by a corny pitch.

Well, the game isn't over yet. We'll win.

Yeah, we will, we will.

We're gonna get them back for this.

- Yeah. - We'll win.

How?

I'm gonna sell this invention to somebody else.

- Hey, hey, that's ingenious. - Yeah.

Sneaky, but it's ge-ingenious.

That's brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?

Well, who are we gonna sell it to?

To me!

- That's stupid. - Oh, come on, it's not stupid.

As an old corny man, I should know

how to handle a thing like this.

Alright, friends, hurry, hurry, hurry, I have here the greate...

Uh, get a little closer, folks. I meant, not you.

Alright, friends, hurry, hurry, hurry, I have here a little...

Mr. Rodriguez, Mr. Ro... Mr. Rodriguez!

Mr. Rodriguez, where are you? Mr. Rodriguez!

- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Rodriguez.

I got here just as soon as I could.

You know, your phone call came as quite a surprise to me.

So somebody wants to buy your invention, huh?

Well, well, well, you must be very excited.

Oh, no, no, no.

[speaking in foreign language]

Yes, yes-yes, go ahead.

Yes, fine, yes, good, good, good. Alright, calm, calm.

Alright, calm, calm down, quiet now.

Just take it easy and very, very slowly and carefully tell me

who called you and what did he want.

Okay, it was a Mr. Amalgamated of Industries Russell

and he called me on the pamphlet to tell me about the telephone

and he wants to make an invention on the offer.

Oh, wonderful, wond...

Mean he wants to make an offer on the invention?

- Right, right, that's right. - Oh, that's wonderful, wond...

Oh, where-where's your, your partner, is he here?

Oh, well, Ed gets nervous at business.

So I was here all alone by myself.

So I figured I'd call you 'cause, well, shucks Mr. Barlow

I ain't nothin' but a peet-picking peet-picker

from down the peet-picking country...

[indistinct chatter]

And I figure, hey, I don't know beans about business.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

[laughs]

I think.

So I figured being that, you know

me doing business'd be like milking the mule

or getting out on all fours and chasin' cars.

I figured I'd just call you up and...

- Hold on, here he is, come on. - Oh.

Hi, gentlemen.

- Hello, sir. - How you do?

Sorry I'm late.

I was retained at one of my lumber companies.

Had a little board meeting.

Ah-ah, that's a big joke on you.

Ah, oh, I am Hosea Russell.

I assume you are Chico Rodriguez.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm Mr. Barlow.

This is Chico Rodriguez, Mr. Russell.

Oh, Mr. Rodriguez. How do you do, sir? How do you do?

Oh, I have to tell you that is

one of the greatest inventions of the age

this Brown Bike Balancer.

And then for Mr. Brown, the inventor must be a genius

genius, that's what he is. And, yes.

Oh, he must have a great mentality.

I must say that this man is probably one of the--

- Ahem! - Oh, what?

Oh, I'm prepared to acquire this amazing invention

no matter what the price is.

So if you'll just, uh, uh

sign right here and, uh--

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, sir.

We have to take a look at this first

because we have to take a look at the increments here, sir.

- Uh, what-- - Here's the accrued increments.

Oh, no, uh, I don't play any crude instruments.

Just a little piano.

Hey there, Chico, could I talk to you

for just a minute, please? Right over there.

Uh, pardon me for just a moment, sir.

- Why not? Go ahead. - Chico...

This is a very slick customer. You've got to be very careful.

Oh, shucks, I'm just going to peet-picking ball from down--

Yeah, I know, I know, I know, you told me, you told me. So?

So, you know, I could become the innocent victim

of someone's scrupulous cheating.

That's right, you could.

Why, any sharpie comes along could fleece me.

Right, you've gotta be careful.

A conman could come along and get me for everything.

Hm. I will.

What?

I will, I will. I will help you.

- I will help you. - You'll work the deal for me?

Oh, most assuredly, not to worry, not to worry.

- Thank you. - Now, say, Mr. Russell.

Let's talk this thing over man-to-man, shall we?

Exactly what did you have in mind?

What kind of an offer will you make for this--

Well, I was planning to offer

at least a $100,000.

- A hund... A hundred-thou-- - Not enough, my boy?

- Two-hundred-thousand dollars. - Two-hundred?

I agree, I agree. I will sign, yes.

Alright, now just sign right here, uh...

And put your legal and official title right here.

Oh, well, I-I don't have an official title

just at the moment.

Don't have an official title?

Then how can you sign an agreement

for your company, sir?

You can't do that unless you're a president

or vice-president or a partner.

Oh, I'm-I'm gonna be a partner soon.

- Soon? Soon? How soon, how so-- - Just give me a minute.

- Will you? Excuse me. - Okay.

- How's it going? - Not going well.

Not going well at all, Chico, you know?

The old guy doesn't, he doesn't wanna make a deal at all.

- Playin' hard to get. - Oh, yes, really tough.

But you know, I would be glad to get in there and pitch for you

you know that, but after all, it's gonna take a lot of time

and work and energy, and I, I feel I should get something.

I think you should get something, too.

Well, I'm glad you agree, because in order for me

to make a deal for you, I should have

an official title in your business.

Well, golly, pick any title you want.

Really? Well, how about, ahem, equal partner?

That sounds fine with me.

Except, that'd change a few things.

We'd have to paint your name on the door

and print new stationary, install a new phone.

All that'd come out to about $500.

And we gave you the last 500 we had.

Well, I tell you what I'm gonna do, Chico.

I'm gonna give you back your $500.

- I couldn't take. - No, no, no.

- I insist, I insist. - No, I couldn't.

No, please, Chico, please, listen to me.

Now, that's the way I do business.

- Here you are, $500. - Well, I knew...

- You were doing right by us. - There you are, sir.

I think you will count that, you will find

that there's $500 there, you see?

Now, I gave you exactly what you gave me.

And I'm giving you exactly what you were giving me.

[indistinct chatter]

Now, uh, you, you just stay right here

and I'll go over there and close the deal with Russell.

Alright, sir, Mr. Russell.

I am now, uh, an official equal partner

and I think I can sign the contract.

Oh, yes, very good, my boy, very good.

Oh, good heavens! Look at the time, look at the time.

Um, I have an important engagement there.

I have to go, and one of my companies...

- Argentine Beef. - Beef?

Argentine Beef. Beef, yes, that's what it is.

And, um, now they're merging with a bakery.

And I have to get over there and help make the sandwiches.

I see. Uh, well, hold on, sir, sir, please, please.

Well, what-what about the contract?

- Ah, the contract, yes. - Yes.

The contract, well, right over here, sir.

Well, I have to put in the nolo contenderes

and E pluribus unum

and the, uh, and the, uh, uh

accrued instruments, that's whatever it is.

And so why don't you give me a call in the morning?

- I certainly will, sir. - Yeah. Very good.

- Pleasure doing-- - And may I, may I say this?

You did a very fine job in becoming a partner.

- Well, thank you, sir. - Very nice, son, very nice.

I wanted it, and in the end I got it.

Loser.

Alright, congrat-congratulations

my boy, on getting it in the end.

- Thank you very much. - Very well.

[indistinct chatter]

[laughing]

Hey, Chico, we did it, uh?

- We did it, didn't we? - We sure did.

Hey, I really took care of him, right?

- You're right, partner. - See you tomorrow, partner.

- Take care. - Ha-ha. Rich, rich.

- Ha-ha-ha, I love it. - Bye-bye.

I love it. Ha-ha-ha...

Slapping the face.

[whistles] Ha-ha!

We did it, my boy, we did it, did it!

- Ah! - We did it, Ed, we sure did.

Took good care of him, didn't we?

Oh, right, partner.

Never mind that. Where's a $190?

Oh, yeah. Okay, here we go.

There is one for you, there is one for me...

- Here you are, Ed. - Yeah.

Oh, thank you. That's better.

Uh, you know, it's a shame those, uh

Invent-A-Mart people turned out to be such frauds.

Oh, we don't need 'em.

Chico and I have gone into production

right here in this garage.

As a matter of fact, I turned out my first set

of bike balancers this morning

and Chico's out there right now riding around his motorcycle

demonstrating for the people, so they can see how it works.

- Oh, wonderful! - Yeah.

Hey, wait a...

I think I hear Chico coming now.

Oh, good. And I wanna know how everything went.

Chico...

[clanks]

Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear...

Uh...

Well, looks to me like there's a few bugs

that have to be ironed out.

- Looking bad! - Looking bad.

[theme music]

[Chico] "Chico And The Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ It's alright ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪