Original subtitles

♪ One two uh one two three and... ♪

[theme song]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The man ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will for Chico and the man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and the man ♪♪

Hey, I, ah...

I got him. The great white shark.

The beaches of America are safe again.

Not while you are still loose.

Think of it, Man. Your first vacation in ages.

Yeah, it's time I got a couple of days off.

You realize your honeymoon was the last time

you took a rest from work?

Yeah, well, I had to go back to work

to get a rest from my honey moon.

You're gonna have a lot of fun, man, I can see you now...

...standing in the icy stream, you cast out

and then it comes, the strike, the strike.

- The fish, you're pickering? - Yeah. No!

- Using the long bait, Man. - Oh, right.

But you cast out again and moments later

you stand holding your strike best.

"A strike best!"

Yeah, one poor fish holding another.

Get your stuff, get ready, come on, man.

Hey, wait. I gotta find my snake bite serum.

Uh, it's in here somewhere.

Oh, there it is.

Well, I guess, I'll have to have a refill.

You never know when you run into a snake who's a heavy drinker.

[engine sputtering]

Yes, ma'am.

I'm afraid I'm in a bit of trouble, young man.

Oh, you're in a lot of trouble, lady.

We're going on vacation. We're closing up.

Oh, I don't think it can make it to another garage.

Oh, be a dear and have a look under the hood.

It's my only transportation.

- Okay. - Thank you.

Oh!

Lady, I hate tell you this but from now on

your only transportation are your legs.

Ed, come here a minute. You gotta get rid of this cu--

I don't believe it. I don't believe it!

Violette Baines. Why, that's Violette Baines.

You're Violate Baines.

I don't think I caught the name.

Violate Baines, star of the silver screen.

Right here at my garage, oh boy, what a thrill this is for me!

I wish it could have been under happier circumstances.

I think my car just passed away.

You car just passed away? Chico, take care of it.

- Right away. - Yeah.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the...

Knock it off! Now get to work.

Ed, we're on vacation, remember?

[both mumbles]

Ms. Baines, I'm probably your greatest living fan.

Oh, you're probably my only living fan.

Have you found the trouble?

Haven't even found the motor yet.

Oh, Ms. Baines, I'll never forget

that marvelous picture you did.

It was called, "Tahiti Typhoon."

How in the world did you ever keep

that flimsy little sarong from blowing away?

I saw that picture five times. Five times!

And I hoped and prayed each time the wind would get stronger.

Isn't he naughty?

Yeah, he keeps me blushing all day long.

May I leave the car here, I really have to be somewhere.

Yeah, so do we. We were just on our way to go somewhere.

But then the nice garage across the street, they give stamps.

- And you'll have a wonderful-- - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Why don't you shut up and get you push back in that motor?

Well, Ms. Baines.

What is it you doing lately?

Well, I just finished an extended engagement at UI.

UI, Universal International.

- No, Unemployment Insurance. - Oh!

But starting today, I'm gonna be working as a waitress

at Ramon's Rotisserie, right up the street.

A waitress, Violette Baines, star of the silver screen?

A waitress, no, no, no, you can't do it.

Of course, I can.

I've played many waitresses in my time.

Camera.

♪♪

I can't hear her.

It's a silent movie.

What an actress, what an actress!

Uh, you really must have lead a wonderful life.

Well, not so wonderful.

You see, my first husband ran away with the upstairs maid.

And my second husband ran away with the downstairs maid.

- Oh, it was agony. - Yeah.

Yeah, good help is hard to find.

Yeah.

You're telling me.

I think I found the trouble maker.

Yeah. Wait, what is that?

This looks like a carburetor from a 48 Cadillac

which is bad 'cause that's a '29 Packard.

Whatever it is, it ain't what it used to be.

Well, who is?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

They really built cars in those days.

They built of solid.

They were built to last. Let me see that thing.

Why, these things never wear off, because...

Oh, oh!

Uh, well...

I think we have plenty in the stock room, don't we?

What do you mean, "We have plenty in the stock room?"

- We don't know what it is. - Oh!

Ah! Don't worry about a thing, Ms. Baines.

Chico, I want you to put this car in tip-top condition.

Would you settle for rock bottom?

- Ah-- - Dear boy...

Please, do the best you can, huh?

And you've been very kind, Mr. uh...

- Brown, Ed Brown. - Ed Brown.

- Ed Brown. - Thank you, Ed.

Yeah.

♪♪

Wow!

Be a Douglas Fairbanks.

Hey, Ed. The whole body is falling apart.

How dare you talk that way about Violette Baines?

- The car, man, the car! - Oh!

Well, put it in running condition.

Oh, I don't believe it, I don't believe it!

- Violette Baines! - You really dig that lady, huh?

She is not the kind of lady you dig.

She is the kind you adore from the second balcony.

She is a goddess on a pedestal.

Now I'm going upstairs to take a shower.

And then we are going to eat at the diner.

Wait a minute, well, you said after-after

I fix the car, we could go fishing.

No, you said that. I said, "We were going after dinner."

Uh, which way to the second balcony?

[Ed humming]

Chico, she is in here somewhere.

I know she is.

Ooh! Ooh! There she is, Violette Baines.

- Oh, good evening, gentlemen. - Oh, good evening, Ms. Baines.

Take your hat off.

- Uh, won't you sit down? - Oh, thank you, dear.

Now, how is my car doing?

With a little luck, I can save the hood ornament.

Ah! Now a toast to all the greats.

Errol Flynn, Violette Baines and Rin tin Tin.

- Back to the old times-- - Ed, Ed, Ed.

- Ed, Ed. - What are you doing?

May we walk down memory lane when I come off-duty.

- Of course, yes. - Now, what will it be?

Ah, do you have any fish?

Oh, I'm sorry. Not today.

We'll catch you some. Come on, Ed.

Sit down!

[mutters] I want fish.

May I have your order please, Ed?

Oh, yes, yes, I'll have a...

- I'll have a-- - How about some nice trouts?

Ah, shut up!

Oh, I can't order from one of the great actresses of all time.

Oh, please. Make believe it.

It's a movie and I'm just playing the part of a waitress.

- To get that star sign. - I don't think I can.

Oh, well, then let's go catch our dinner, huh? Come on?

Sit down!

Maybe I ought to order from another waitress.

- Oh, miss-- - No, no, no, no, please.

No food substitutions and no waitress substitutions.

Can we get this over with so we can go fishing?

Honey, come here a moment.

Listen, I'll have a steak and eggs

make the eggs basted easy, side order of fries

some coleslaw, double order of butter white toast

a coke and your phone number would be--

Are you finished?

Uh, I'll get the silverware.

Oh, no, no, no, no, I can't let you wait on me.

Do you know that this great actress

played the part of Cleopatra in "Up the Old Nile."?

Do you realize that?

That was one of the great performance of all time.

- Please, Ed, please, please. - Sit down, my dear.

- Sit down. - Please, no.

I'm not allowed to sit with the customers.

I'm not a customer, I'm your greatest living fan.

Oh, you're gonna get me fired.

Oh, no, don't say those things.

Violette, what are you doing?

Your break don't start for another hour yet.

Hey, you can't talk to Ms. Violette Baines like that.

What did I say? It's the truth.

Her break don't start for another hour.

Oh, Ed, we'll come back in an hour

it'll give the steak the chance to age--

Listen, you, you're not treating Ms. Baines

with any respect and I resent it.

Do you realize, she is one of our all time great stars?

Are you kidding? She ain't even one of our

all time great waitresses.

I'll prove it to you.

Who would like Ms. Baines' autograph?

Violate Baines' autograph.

Violate Baines' autograph. Somebody must want it.

Now what did you come in here for you dummies.

- Get out of here! - Wait a minute, wait!

Don't talk to my customers that way.

Now that does it.

Violette, if you don't go back to work immediately

you are fired.

Hey, how would you like a good punch in the nose?

[laughs] How would you like to try it?

Take care of him, Chico.

[speaking in foreign language]

Violette, you are fired.

Oh, please. Ramon, wait.

- I need the job. - No, no, no!

You don't need him, you don't need this job

in this terrible joint here. It's way beneath you.

And so is starving to death.

Everything is gonna be alright, my dear. Right, Chico?

Don't look at me unless you know something I don't.

Ed, what have you done to me?

I've lost my job, I can't pay the rent, my car doesn't work...

...and I have nowhere to stay.

Oh, yes, you have a place to stay.

As Wilbur said to Orville in that great picture

"The Wright brothers"

"You and I are going to crash together."

♪♪

[speaking in foreign language]

Hey, Chico!

Let's go, come on.

Welcome back to our humble garage, Ms. Baines.

Yes, Ms. Baines. I hope you have a pleasant stay here.

I don't believe it. Unemployed again.

But not for long.

Chico, I want you to go upstairs

and make the bed for Ms. Baines with fresh linen.

Right away, master.

Don't worry, Ms. Baines.

I know you'll be very comfortable in the royal suite.

And then the staff is going fishing.

Ah, wait a minute!

Hold everything!

I don't like driving at night.

We'll go fishing in the morning.

I can stay down here tonight.

I'm sorry, master but there's not enough room in the van

for the whole staff to sleep.

Well, in that case

one of the staff will have to sleep in the sleeping bag.

[both growls]

- Hey, where are you going? - I'm checking out.

And don't try to stop me.

[car hissing]

You see, even the car wants you to stay.

- Ed? - What?

You have no right to destroy my life like this.

You're not even married to me.

Aw! I was just trying to help.

Maybe if I went back to the diner

and got down on my knees and apologized to Ramon--

Apologize to Ramon?

Never! You're a great star.

Would John Wayne get down on his knees

and apologize to Mickey Rooney?

It's the only way he could do it.

But you are a great star!

- I'm a waitress out of a job. - No, no, no.

You're a great actress who's at liberty.

I'll never forget you in that great picture

"The Argentine Papers" where you play the sultry siren.

And you did that magnificent Tango with Rudolph Valentino.

[tango music]

Yeah.

[scatting]

[laughing]

- Whee! - Rump!

[Ed scatting]

Shh!

- What's the matter? - She is upstairs still asleep.

Still asleep?

Hey, I told you, she likes her eggs sunny side up.

They were sunny side up till they hit the pan.

Oh!

I gotta put this in a vase or something.

Let's see if I can find something in here, ah!

There is something right here. How's that?

That's gonna be great.

Hey, what happened to her car?

It's in the garage down the street.

What's-what's it doing there?

Being fixed and then right after it's fixed

and after breakfast, we're going fishing.

Are you out of your mind? You think I'll leave Ms. Baines

alone here in a garage for a week?

Okay, then maybe I can take her fishing and leave you here.

Man, you gotta stop this.

Stop treating her like a movie star

and treat her like an ordinary person.

Are you kidding?

We got enough ordinary persons in this world.

The last thing we need is another ordinary person.

[footsteps approaching]

- Good morning! - Good morning.

- Good morning, my dear. - Good morning, good morning.

I was just about to bring your breakfast up to you in bed

as your devoted butler did

in that magnificent picture, "The Valley of the Doll."

Aw! Let's face it, Ed.

You are very devote, very kind

but you don't look like a butler.

And I no longer look like a doll.

Aw! You'll always be a doll to me.

I remember you in that magnificent picture--

- Soup's on. - Soup's on, what...

- Breakfast is ready. - Oh, thank you.

- Listen to his tales. - Here we go.

- Some nice eggs, scrambled. - And beautiful.

- Yeah. - My compliments to the chef.

Thank you, but I didn't lay them.

- He is so cute. - Isn't he, though?

Oh, lord!

[engine rumbling]

Hey!

Hey, a lady is eating in here.

Now get this rotten crap out of here.

It's smelling up the joint.

That's exactly why I brought it in here.

'Cause it was smelling up my joint.

Get this rotten crap out of here!

Hey, Chico, what is this, a restaurant or a garage?

Don't ask me, man. I'm just Chico.

Now, look, Ed. I need my car to be fixed

and if this is a garage, you gotta fix it.

For your information, this is now a restaurant.

Oh. Well, in that case, I will have a cup of coffee

and a prune danish.

Get back here, you...

Go, take it out of here.

- Oh! - Hey!

Oh, that's all I wanted. Thanks a lot.

Appreciate it.

You owe me $12.50 for a tune up.

Ms. Baines, I'm going down the street

to take a look at your car in that other garage.

- I'll be back shortly. - Thank you.

In the mean time, while I'm gone

I want you to take good care of Ms. Baines.

See that she gets everything she wants.

Okay.

Chico... why is he doing all this?

I think, 'cause you're Violette Baines.

You're a band concert in the park.

Bath tub gin, the Charleston.

- You're his youth. - And he's mine.

It's been so long since anyone has spoiled me.

Ed's a dear, wonderful, sweet man.

But you know something?

If I don't get out of here and find a job

I'll really spoil.

And if you do get out of here and find a job

we'll go out and get some fish.

I got the classifieds right here.

How about this, "Gourmet cook?"

Oh, hardly.

I asked John Barrymore to dinner one night which I fixed

and he brought a stunt man along to eat it.

Uh-huh, okay.

Uh, "teacher, nurse, secretary..."

No, I've done all those things but in the movies.

Here's one. You'll have a job in a few minutes, don't worry.

[coin clatters]

[numbers dialing]

Don't worry, I got you a job, I'm sure of it.

Hello, yes, this is Idle House Employment Agency calling?

Yes, I saw you ad for a governess.

I have a wonderful woman, Ms. Violette Baines.

Good with children, calm tempered

and a vicious left hook.

Well, I will ask her, yes.

I'll see if she is available. Call you back.

[phone clatters]

- Governess. - Governess?

Oh, Chico, the only time I've had anything to do

with children is when I played the Toodoo

in the "Toodoo And The Teeter Totter."

You played the Tooder and the Teeter in the Teeter... right.

Okay.

Well, then pretend it's a movie. I'll be a director.

[speaks in German]

We will set the scene.

You have a little kid who is a creep

who needs a firm hand right in the kitza, okay?

Yes, but there's more to being a governess than just that.

Suppose if the child wants to be, uh, entertained...

That's simple. Take your finger like this

aim it and jab it like that.

- At the kid? - No, at the TV.

It'll keep 'em occupied for hours.

Maybe I can do it. It's worth a try.

Wait a minute, I didn't think of something.

When Ed comes back and finds you gone

he'll be heart broken. What do I tell him?

Tell him, I appreciate everything he's done.

Tell him, he is a wonderful, dear, sweet, lovely man.

Tell him, I love him. Tell him anything.

Except where I'm going.

And Chico, give him this.

Thank you, thank you so much.

♪♪

[humming]

Hello, yes, this is Idle House again

Ms. Baines is on her way over.

Don't worry, your boy maybe bad now

but in six months you'll be saying

[imitates Ed] "Looking good!"

Hi, Ms. Baines. I'm back, Ms. Baines.

- Uh, Ed, Ed. - Where did she go? Ms. Baines.

She is gone and she is not coming back.

What do you mean, she is not coming back?

She left without saying goodbye?

Well, after you left, she got a very important phone call

from Colopanti, the producer in Rome.

"Colopanti, the producer?"

Wait a minute, how do he know she was in this garage?

Well, he probably called her agent, her agent called

her land lady who called Ramon at the diner.

Told her she was with us

or it could have been a lucky wrong number.

Oh! I see.

- Well, it's Colopanti, huh? - Yeah.

- What did he say? - He said...

[speaking in foreign language]

- He said that? - Yeah.

Yeah, what does it mean?

I don't know, I don't speak Italian.

But what I think he said is

[in Italian accent] "Ah, Ms. Baines, I've been looking for you

"all over the place.

"Listen, I want you to be in a movie

"with Sophia Lauren.

"You play her mother. It's the romantic lead.

"A Russian spy, he falls in love with you.

"It's called "The Commie And The Mommy."

What do you think?"

I think, well, then what? What did he do?

Oh, then the operator came on and said

[imitates operator] "$24 for the next three minutes, please."

Ah, well, I'm glad she's got a job.

I know she'll be very happy.

But I still can't figure out why she left

without saying goodbye.

Well, she did tell me to give you something.

Yeah?

- What? - You sure, you want it?

Yeah, give it to me.

It loses something in the translation.

Can we go fishing now?

- Okay. - Okay, let's go fishing.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute

before we go any further, tell me again what Colopanti said.

He said, okay, "Bonjourno, senorita.

"Don't worry, you're gonna have a great time.

"With a little wine and a little spaghetti

you're gonna be a bigger star, don't you worry."

Yeah, well, wherever she is and whatever she's doing

I hope she's getting at least $2.35 an hour.

Ah! It's great to be back home again, isn't it, Chico?

Yeah.

- Let me see it. - What?

Ah!

I knew the way you looked at me, you were hooked.

Hey leave my fish alone

Be careful with that, that's the main course of dinner tonight.

It is? What about your fish?

I got the appetizer.

[theme song]

[male narrator] "Chico and the Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was crazy for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico And The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico And The Man ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ It's alright yeah ♪♪