Original subtitles

♪ Two a one two three and ♪

[theme song]

[theme song]

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ If you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there is good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico and the Man ♪♪

Is it a good book?

Yeah, man. It's about UFOs.

This professor claims that the Earth has has been invaded by

dig this, "Weird creatures from outer space."

He says they have taken human form and they're all around us.

[screaming]

- Can I help you? - I hope so.

I traveled 1,200 miles to see my oldest and dearest friend

in the whole world, Mr. Ed Brown.

Are you him?

No, I won't be him for another 40 years.

I said, he was my best friend.

I never said I knew what he looked like.

You don't know what Ed looks like?

Oh-ho.

Uh, Ed!

[whistles]

That is what Ed Brown looks like.

- Ed? - Ah.

I want you to meet your favorite close person, a stranger.

Eh, stranger.

Let's keep it that way.

Ed. Ed Brown, it's me, Miklos.

Miklos Negulescu.

Oh, it's been so long, I kiss your cheek.

I kiss your hand.

- Hey, you stop that! - I kiss your--

I never saw you before in my life.

Don't be so hasty. Look close. Look at my eyes.

What do they remind you of?

Two raisins and a bowl of Harry Tapioca.

I have my daddy's eyes.

I'm Miklos Negulescu, son of Sasha Negulescu.

Sasha, the gypsy?

- From Philly? - Yes!

I'm Sasha's baby boy!

Yes, and I'm also a gypsy.

My sainted father, may the sun

always shine on the gold teeth of his memory.

He told me, if I was ever in trouble

Ed Brown would repay his debt of honor and help me.

Save me, I beg you. Save me!

Ah, what do you want? I'm a mechanic, not a lifeguard.

Hey, Ed, don't you know it's dangerous

to run out on a debt to a gypsy?

Gypsies got magical powers, man.

One magic spell, and you could be growing an other foot

out of the side of your head.

I don't like to push, but my revered father

did save you skin.

Did he save your skin?

Well, yeah, yeah, he saved.

Well, he should ironed before he gave it back to you.

[laughing]

Hey, man. Tell me how did he save your skin?

- That's a different story. - Come on, tell me.

I don't wanna talk about it. Get out of here.

Oh, alright, alright.

It was during the war.

It was 1943 when I was in the army.

And I was assessing a jeep for a motor pool.

When the thing flipped right over on top of me

and started to burn

I thought I was gonna get cooked.

But before I knew what was happening

Miklos's father rushed out, he picked up that jeep

with his own two hands and lifted it high enough

for me to crawl out from under.

And that's how he saved my life, see?

Hey, how is the old boy these days?

- Dead. - Dead, huh?

Yeah, something about a rupture, but don't blame yourself.

Ah. Well, let's see...

I think I can spare, uh...

$135.

About $85.

Ed, only $85 for the son of a man who saved your life?

Well, see, my life was worth a lot more then than it is now.

Well, what do you say?

I don't want your cash.

I want you to turn my life around.

I want you to make me totally different from the man I am.

Okay, but a garage is a weird place for that kind of surgery.

No, I want a profession.

I want you to teach what to do when my car breaks down.

Oh, that's very simple.

You're a gypsy. Steal another one.

No, no, no.

Listen, just because I happen to be a gypsy

doesn't mean I have no sense of social responsibility.

In 1972, I was chair person of gypsies to re-elect Nixon.

Ed, you can't hold that against him.

Now, a lot of people make mistakes.

Gypsies are just like everybody else.

They talk different, they act different, they dress different

but basically, they're the same.

Miklos, what I don't understand though is

why do you wanna be a mechanic?

Because I'm a failure as a gypsy.

That's true.

I'm too nervous to swindle.

I'm too chubby to be a gigolo.

And my head band gives me migraines

and my golden earring is turning my neck green.

Help me! I beg you! Give my life a new direction.

Tell me where to go.

You owe it to this man, to his father.

To the memory of his father to teach him a trade, man.

Saving a man's life is a sacred thing.

Why, in Africa, when you save a man's life, he belongs to you.

So next time you hear an African say, "Hey, that's my man"

you know, he means it.

Why, in Polynesia, when you save a man's life

you have to become his brother.

So don't save a woman, or you'll have to become her sister.

[laughs]

Come on, man. Teach him a trade.

Yes, please, please teach me your trade.

I'm willing to pay for it.

Here, I have $200.

It's all the money I have. It's not counterfeit.

Well, there's a funny ten, but you gotta look close.

- Please! - I don't want it.

Ah, Ed, let me talk to you. Ah, Miklos, will be right back.

Come on, Ed. Let him work here. It'll be great for business.

Yeah, great for business. Sure.

Every gypsy within 100 miles

will be coming here to have this donkey washed.

Ed, doesn't he remind you of me when I first came in here?

Young, ambitious, he's got a mustache.

Come on, let him hang around. I want somebody to play with.

Man, you'll never forgive yourself if you don't help him.

Oh, one thing I hate is, if somebody who tells me

what I'm gonna do before I do it.

And I knew it, behind that mean crusty sour exterior

there lies a mean crusty but beautiful man.

Ed Brown, I kiss your hand.

- I kiss your-- - Stop that!

[guitar music]

Ole!

Okay.

Okay, I'll teach him how to fix a car.

But first I'm gonna break that guitar.

Brrr!

- Hah! - Enough.

♪♪

[humming]

This is next.

Now, what are you doing?

I'm fixing the carburetor.

- Fixing the carburetor? - Mm-hmm.

By painting it yellow?

It's a color that heals.

Listen, I kept quiet last week when you put a good luck charm

in the transmission you were fixing.

And yesterday I turned my back when you spit the radiator

to drive away the evil spirits.

That's all. From now on, I'm keeping an eye on you.

If I leave you alone, the next thing I know you'll be putting

chicken blood in the gas tank.

Chicken blood? No.

Goat's milk maybe.

Hey, Ed.

Miklos, I don't understand you.

Your father saved my life. Why you're trying to destroy it?

Oh, Ed. Come on, give him a break.

He's only been a mechanic for ten days.

He needs things explained to him.

Explained? Oh, well...

Okay, I'll do it, but for Sasha.

Alright, what you want explained?

How do you check the oil for oil?

Excellent question. Professor Brown, if you please.

Okay.

Here we are.

- You see this? - Mm-hmm.

This is a dip stick.

A, you take the dip stick and you slide into slot B

to see if D has any oil C.

See?

No, I...

Miklos, it's really very easy.

Here, let me show you.

Ah, this is Mr. Dip Stick.

And he's just like a thermometer.

And we use him to find out if Mr. Engine

who's like the patient, has a temperature.

Only instead of a fever, we check him for the oil.

Now, take a dip stick thermometer.

And go check Mr. Engine's temperature.

[humming]

No, no, no, no, no!

It's not that kind of a thermometer.

Why am I wasting my time trying to teach you anything?

Why don't you get out in town

and pick up those fan belts I ordered?

And don't let them sell you anything.

I'm still ticked off about those 144 fox tails

they unloaded on you.

So are the foxes.

[laughing]

Come on now. Stop that.

Here. Here's the invoice. Now get going.

- Thank you. - Come on, stop that!

Well, boy, this a waste of time.

He'll never cut it. We've gotta dump him.

Ed.

His father saved your life. You gotta remember that.

Now, what's the matter? Aren't you grateful?

Well?

Give me time. I don't wanna make any snap judgment.

[tires screeching]

[horn honking]

[man coughs]

Well, alright.

Where is he?

Where is that knucklehead who worked on my car?

Oh. What is, what is your problem, friend?

My engine just threw up in my face.

Uh, mister, if we did any damage

we'll be glad to fix it up.

You better believe you'll fix it up.

And I'll tell you something else.

Now, if this car isn't put back in A1 condition

I'm going to slap you with so many law suits

and you're going to be buying your attorneys by the pound.

Now!

Here's where I can be reached when that car is finished.

And one more thing.

When that-that master mechanic that you got running around here

comes out of hiding...

...shove that down his throat.

You got it? Bye-bye.

"Shove that down his throat!"

Who does he think he is?

He thinks he's District Attorney H.R. Bernstein.

That's who he thinks he is.

Oh-oh, that does it.

From now on, that gypsy is kaput.

He's finished. He's through.

And I can tell you right now that I know his fortune.

It's unemployment, from here on.

Well, then you might as well shoot him, Ed.

'Cause he's going on to their world a great big nothing.

Man, his pride is gone.

His sense of gypsyhood is nada.

And he won't get his confidence back and--

- Wait a minute. - What?

That's it. We just give Miklos his confidence back.

Are you kidding? He's a loser.

Ed, we've gotta shape him up in spite of himself.

If we can get him to pull off the perfect gypsy swindle

he'll get his proud gypsians back, leave us alone

and go back on the road where he belongs.

Oh, okay. But where are we gonna find anybody

stupid enough, simple enough and dumb enough

to swallow all of his junk?

- Oh, no, you don't. - Hey, hey.

I'm telling you. It's gonna work.

Believe me...

Chico.

I don't know what to tell you, but I feel

this game of yours is not gonna work.

Ed, it's a piece of cake.

Some gypsies can't resist a chance to pull off the boojou.

Yeah. Boojou? What's that?

That's gypsy for the big rip off.

And I know just how to set it up.

Thanks to all my research here

I'm now the leading gypsy scholar in the free world.

You see. Look here.

Gypsy real estate.

A listing a 5,000 empty stores.

Here's one.

Gypsy morality for their last 900 years.

On a bread.

Here's one. The gypsy love manual.

Chapter one, first steal a chicken.

Then get it drunk.

Now, wait a minute.

What makes you think that he is gonna take this bait?

Ed, it's simple... He's coming.

He's coming. Go to bed, go to bed.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

I don't wanna go to sleep. That's stupid.

- You wanna get rid of him? - Yes!

Well, be stupid and go to sleep.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Oh, Miklos man.

Am I very glad you're back.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, did I have a good luck time over there

at that auto supplies store.

I couldn't get those whatchamacallit Ed wanted.

But, but I did get was a great buy.

This little auto compass is nice, eh?

Yeah, but they are all pointing in different directions.

Perfect for us gypsies.

We don't care where we go as long as we get there.

Yeah, well, like I said, I'm kind of worried about Ed here

because he's been mumbling in his sleep.

I think he might be under the power of evil forces

behind human understanding.

He's asleep.

I know. You said that.

No, what I said was I think he might be under the control

of forces behind human understanding.

How are the forces?

[mumbling]

Evil. Evil. Evil.

What did I tell ya?

Sounds like indigestion to me.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna take a chance and wake him up.

Maybe he can tell me what's troubling him in his slumber.

Ed? Wake up.

Come on, Ed. Wake up. Tell me what's bothering you.

Oh!

Oh! Chico. Miklos.

Oh, I had a terrible dream.

And I hear this voice coming out of the midnight fog

saying, "You are under a curse.

"You are under a curse."

- You heard that in your dream? - Yes!

You think he'd lie about something like that?

Ed, lay back and relax.

Try and remember now. Concentrate.

What else did the voice say?

Let me see. Let me think.

Oh, yes! Yes, the voice said

"Your only hope is to find someone with magical powers."

Magical powers.

Oh, Ed, my poor friend, where are we gonna find

someone with magical powers?

There must be someone who could...

Wait!

There's a gypsy on the premises.

Removing curses is my family specialty.

Especially when it's worth any price

to be rid of such a hard curse, huh, Ed?

Yes, any price.

- Any price? - Any price.

I'll save you.

Yes. yes, I'll have to set up.

I'll need time to set it up, the booji.

- "Boojou!" - Wha-what's a boojou?

Well, that's gypsy for stealing.

I mean, healing.

Yes, uh, yes, we have to do that.

I'll have to go get some special magical equipment.

Uh, could you lend me $10? I'll need to get the supplies.

Oh, that life saving powder was killed by the inflation.

You better make it $20.

Yeah, I don't wanna get any off brand products

for a major cure.

Believe me. You can trust me.

Terrific, terrific.

Hey! He took the bait.

Nope, according to the book

he's supposed to tell you to bring money in a plain envelope.

Yeah?

I forgot to tell you.

Bring money in a plain envelope.

- $200? - $200.

[kisses]

Chico, why am I doing this?

Ed, all we have to do is hold his hand

while he picks our pocket.

Well, I hope his hands aren't too cold.

I got a hole in my pocket.

I know this place. It's very cozy.

Wa...

This is on the "Late Show"

when Lon Chaney ate Rita Moreno's leg.

[laughs]

Hey, did you bring your cash?

Oh, sure, I got the money right here.

Say, I hope this doesn't take too long

because I want to see the Rams game.

Good evening.

Dear friends, we must observe the proper tone of reverence

and seriousness.

No distractions.

I dare not forget one single detail of this ceremony.

Excuse me.

This is just to let the spirits get their ease.

The often dress shaveling.

Come on, let's get out of here.

This guy couldn't find the bottom

of a well if he fell into it.

Ed, it's really simple.

He's not gonna mess it up.

All he does is, he takes an egg and he breaks it in a bowl.

Then he slips in some red color and says it's blood.

You're cursed! Then he takes your money.

He passes it under the candle a few times.

Gives you back an envelope full of real newspaper.

Takes the real money, splits. That's the whole boojou.

I'll give you eight to five if he doesn't make it.

Sit. Sit. Everyone, please.

[yawning]

Spirits far and spirits near, make the words to disappear.

Summon up the power to root out the evil

behind the curse on this good man Mr. Ed Brown if there's one.

Join hands.

[humming]

[mumbling]

Anybody care for a cold drink?

Maybe a presto? How about a nice piece of fruit?

Come on, let's hurry this thing along, will ya?

I don't wanna miss the game.

Very good.

I will now enter a trance so I can contact another regions.

[humming]

Tell me, oh, spirits.

How may we find out if there is a curse against

the good man Edward Brown?

How may we find out?

In Ed's dream, he saw some eggs.

Ha! Thank you spirits of the air.

Pass me the eggs please, my friend Chico.

Very good.

Ha, yes.

Now, if this is pure, there is no curse.

But if there is a tiny spot of blood, then

you are in big trouble.

Okay, get cracking.

No spot. No blood.

I'm in big trouble.

Ah, maybe it's a wrong kind of egg.

- Here, try this one. - Try another one.

Yes, thank you.

No, give me an another one.

No, help me please.

I don't know. I can't find a spot.

You know, sometimes you gotta go through seven, eight dozen

before you find the one with the spot in it.

No, that's not it.

Oh, gee.

Sometimes you want to--

Alright, alright. Enough of this mumbo jumbo.

How about an omelet, by the way?

Hey, look at that! A spirit.

Did you see that spirit go through up the wall, man?

[screams]

- It's a curse. - A curse!

[clamoring]

Ha-ha! Yeah!

You got it!

Hey-hey! Here's your $200.

And if there's any curse on this money, I want you to remove

immediately, so I can get back to the game.

Of course, but we have to do it in the traditional way.

- What's that? - Well...

What we do is that we put this...

We do that by, eh...

- By, eh, we do it... - Fire.

Fi-fire! Right, exactly.

That's the way we do it.

- By fire! - Fire.

Here, we place it underneath the circle of fire light.

Then we start the incantation.

It goes, uh...

The charm is working smooth as honey.

[all] The charm is working smooth as honey.

Take the curse from off this money.

Then, the heart of incantation which is unforgettable.

Shine the light as bright as dawn...

[all] Shine the light as bright as dawn.

Tell the curse, the curse be gone.

There! Hot.

Hot.

No, no, I hurt my hand.

Now, there it is.

Now we return the exercised money to the owner.

Now, you can't open it until sunrise tomorrow.

That way the evil spirits won't come back.

[laughs]

Goodbye, my friends.

- Yes, don't try to keep me. - Thank you.

No, I just recently found I have to leave town.

You see, I had a vision last night.

My father's voice that came to me and said

"Miklos, you're not a mechanic.

"Get out of town before your destiny catches up with you."

That's what he said.

Oh, it was lovely working with you. Thank you very much.

- And goodbye. - Godspeed.

Before I leave, as my father's voice vanished

my uncle, my late uncle's face suddenly appeared.

In his glass eye I saw Philadelphia.

Come on. You get out of here.

Well?

Well, let's go home.

- Forget it. He'll be back. - Why?

He just gave me his bus ticket to Philadelphia.

Anybody who uses Miklos's compasses

could get lost in a tunnel.

That's another $25 he cost me.

Ed, look at the bright side.

You helped a broken man.

You put him back in right road to lying and stealing.

Oh, catastrophe! Disaster.

- Bad luck. - Oh, you poor boy.

What happened?

Oh, a man took all my money at the bus station

with a little shells, three shells and a bowl.

And then there was-there was a woman, a little old lady.

I told her fortune, she beat me up with her crutch.

Aww. That's terrible.

Chico, go get a couple of dozen eggs.

We got another curse to get rid off.

Don't worry, my boy.

Oh, oh, oh, don't beat me up.

[male narrator] "Chico and the Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience

at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Alright yeah ♪♪