Original subtitles

♪ Two uh one two three and... ♪

♪♪

♪ Chico ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yes they will for Chico ♪

♪ And the Man ♪♪

Is there an Edward M. Brown here?

The Edward M. Brown?

The proprietor of this establishment

the one and only M. Brown, the beloved figure of the community

Edward M. Brown?

I'm Daniel Hanratty from the City Planning Commission.

I've come to serve him a notice of eviction.

Serve who?

- Edward M. Brown! - Never heard of him.

Oh, wait a minute, you just can't come in here

and give somebody a summons and throw them out.

First, you give them the summons

then they get a lawyer, then they go to court

and then you throw them out.

Listen, I've been sending him an official letter

every 90 days for the past two years

and he hasn't answered one of them.

Didn't I tell you it's important to read your mail?

What's so important?

The last time I opened my mail

there was a free pair of pantyhose.

And you looked gorgeous, Eddie sweetie baby.

Never mind that.

If it's important that doesn't come by mail

you get a threatening phone call, like God intended.

Or a visit from a creep.

Well, this creep hereby serves you.

You should have responded to my letter in the first place.

I did, I filed it under "S" for "stick it up your nose."

Well, your little filing system

has cost you this building, my friend

'cause we're putting up a power station

and you better prepare to vacate immediately.

- No way. - Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm coming back here in 48 hours with a bulldozer!

You'll never get past the landmines.

Man, why haven't you answered your mail?

That guy has been writing for two years

and you got a letter from him today.

Yeah, what does it say?

It says they're throwing you out

but they're gonna give you

$9,000 to start a new life.

As what? A vagrant?

I'd rather fight.

Okay, you want to fight, I'll fight with you.

- Good. - I'll get...

I'll get Joey's cousin, Murray.

He's a lawyer. He's dynamite.

They call him the Money Hall of Monterrey.

First thing he says to the judge is

"Let's make a deal."

I'm telling you, man, this guy's

the Petrocelli of San Pedro.

He'll take your case all the way up to traffic court.

We got no time to dazzle him with foot work.

We got 48 hours.

And those 48 hours are gonna be

something the world will long remember.

Ed, wait a minute, you can't do this.

You can't go around shooting city officials.

- There's a legal way to do it. - That's what I'm looking for.

A legal way of shooting a city official.

- Good morning. - Hello, padre.

How are ya, Mr. Brown?

I'm good, how are you?

Fine.

I, uh, come to you today on behalf

of a most worthy cause.

The unitarian fund for unwed mothers.

Sorry, rev, I never contribute to any activity

in which I don't take an active part.

Now, if you like to put me up

for the drinking hall of fame

that's something else.

[laughs] That is very amusing.

Do you mind if I use

that in my next sermon?

It's called "Must Death be Fatal?"

It needs a few laugh lines.

So do we, the city just condemned this whole place.

Condemned? That's outrageous.

This isn't just a place of business

that this is also your home.

To condemn it, why, they've chosen almost

an almost criminal disregard for basic human rights.

- So what do we do, padre? - I haven't the slightest idea.

- Hi, Chico! - Hey!

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, Ed. - What?

I just heard that wrecking ball

head writer's gonna knock your place down.

That ain't gonna be easy to do

from a hospital bed, I can tell you that.

Ed Brown.

The Bible says, "Lay thou thy weapons aside."

Yeah, the Bible also says

"Mind thou thine own business."

What's that thing for, Ed?

Is old rev here making you stand guard

for his Bingo game?

I don't think you're very tolerant of other denominations.

Sure I am, rev, but you see I'm a Baptist.

And I believe that if you don't dunk, you sunk.

Well, I'm not a Baptist--

Gentlemen, gentlemen, now listen. Listen!

This is no time for a theological discussion.

And the shape we're in, we need help from everybody.

Moses, Confucius, Buddha.

Mohammed Ali, "Flow like butterfly, sting like a bee."

- Yeah. - Yeah, I know.

Rope-a-dope, mm-hmm.

Now, put away that gun.

We're gonna put our faith into peaceful screaming and yelling.

I'll show you some peaceful screaming and yelling.

You know what I'm gonna do when I get down to City Hall?

I'm gonna tell him, "You know who I am."

I'm the most important man in this country.

I am an endangered species.

The American taxpayer.

Yes, the American tax payers was there

when the minuteman fired the first shot

heard around the world.

He was there when Paul Revere jumped in the saddle.

He sailed with John Paul Jones

he crossed the Delaware with Washington.

And he hanged with Nathan Hale

and American taxpayers been hanging ever since.

Yes, when they push me around, they're pushing around

two hundred years of American history.

Ed, that speech had my hair standing on ends.

Praise the Lord

and pass the ammunition.

Blanks, of course.

Ed, you've saved your garage, you're going to go down there

to City Hall and wail with your silver tongue.

That was dynamite.

I'm going to get everybody in the neighborhood

and get a petition and go down with you.

Yes, I'm going to get my whole congregation behind me

including the non-contributors.

And I'll represent every garbage collector

from Watts to Cucamonga.

You're all going down there?

[all] Yeah!

What do you need me for?

Wake me up when you get back.

Ed...

We're gonna go down and warm him up.

But you're the guy that's gonna kill him

you're going to get him, silver tongue.

Looking good.

And if the impersonal machinery

of heartless bureaucrats is

permitted to ride roughshod

over but one man

where, where shall it end?

For us it has been written.

My Brother Esau

is an hairy man.

What does that mean?

Well, my Brother Esau

is an hairy man

signifies that...

[chuckles] Oh, my, no, that's in my Sunday sermon.

No, uh, uh...

But what I said before still goes.

That's telling them, father.

You got a way with words.

Now, does anyone else wish to speak?

I'd like to say something.

- Chico. - Yeah.

[speaking in foreign language]

Good day.

[speaking in foreign language]

Pretty lady.

[speaking in foreign language]

The Reverend.

[speaking in foreign language]

Miserable creep.

[speaking in foreign language]

An hapless victim of bureaucracy.

Just-just a minute, sir.

Am I to understand

that you are of Spanish ancestry?

Well, you see, Ms. Chair Lady

I've been in the neighborhood so long

I am now an honorary Latino.

That's right, Louie painted in his caddy

for a '64 Chevy

with the pom-poms on the antenna

with him going in the back window

with the head going on and on.

And furthermore, I can personally show that

Mr. Edward Brown has raised

the standard of living in this neighborhood.

How has he done that?

Well, for one thing

he's improved the quality of his garbage.

I know, I've been listening to it.

Excuse me, can't we cut to this nonsense?

Wait a minute, man, I've got to say the speech...

[clamoring]

[gavel banging]

Sit down.

Man, they're gonna kill him.

Now unless someone has some relevant testimony

I'm afraid this hearing must be closed.

Oh, wait, uh, would a petition

from everyone in the neighborhood begging that

Ed Brown's garage be spared be sufficient testimony?

It might, may I see it please?

Yes, indeed.

Now, this is ridiculous.

There are only eight signatures here.

And four of them are yours.

[laughing] Yeah, well, you see, I didn't have time to get more.

But, uh, well, these eight names

stand for a lot more than eight names.

See, like this guy's got a wife

six grandchildren and a cousin who's kind of

careless about keeping his raincoat closed.

Objection!

Objection overruled!

Now this guy here owns a poolroom, and you know

how many people go to a poolroom everyday.

Why, there's Hector Lopez, Manny Blitzer, Danny Rico

Harvey Spitzer, Tito Roccos, Bunkie Roccos

DT Munoz eating tacos...

And then there's, uh...

...Hardy Meyer, Chi-Chi Reese...

[indistinct singing]

[gavel banging]

Your petition is several hundred

signatures short.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing more I can--

Madam Chairman!

Ed Brown is a valuable person.

[clamoring]

[screaming] Wait a minute.

Am I gonna be allowed to say something?

I wish you would.

Sit down.

Your Honor...

...I'm an old man.

I fought as hard as I could.

And now I'm tired.

And maybe it's time I retired.

Oh, that $9,000 the city offered me

ain't exactly a fortune.

But it'll probably keep me for the rest of my life.

Because after all, how much longer have I got left? Hm?

Oh, I'm not asking for pity.

I know that's how life is.

But once your usefulness is ended

they just throw you away on the heap.

And that's where they leave you.

Oh, so what?

Who needs an old man?

Who wants to take care of an old, sick man?

Oh, I can see it all.

I'll have to sell my blood to buy medicine.

And then, some evening

I'll be lying in an alley

and a whiner will come along

and steal all my clothes.

Leaving me naked.

And then things are really going to get bad.

Yet, I'm just

a tired, sick, old man.

But all the tired and sick as I am

I want you to know if you was

thinking you're gonna take my garage away from me

you got another thing coming.

You're more half-witted that I thought.

[clamoring]

You can't talk to her like that!

How dare you talk to her like that?

You have 48 hours to get out of that garage.

[clamoring]

They'll get this place over my dead body.

That's what they'll do.

[grunting] There we go.

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

Ed, what are you doing?

You're not gonna risk your life for this

crummy garage, are you?

Well, I'd rather risk it for my mansion on the Riviera

but this is all I got.

Put the gun away.

Put it away? I can't even put it together.

[knock on door]

- What's that? - The door.

I know it's the door! But who's behind it?

Who is it?

- Reverend Beamis? - Prove it!

Come on, it's Reverend Beamis. For Pete's sake, let him in.

Make him prove it.

Behind the closed door it would take a miracle.

Well, if he can perform a miracle, that would prove it.

[man singing in foreign language]

What does that mean?

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in Latin.

Oh.

That proves he's a minister, yeah.

Okay.

Come on in, reverend.

Man the barricades.

Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes.

Would you stop that?

I hope I'm not too late

to pour oil on these troubled waters.

From your outburst at the hearing

I knew you would offer resistance

but I never expected the walls of Jericho.

I bet you didn't expect Joshua

with a double barreled trumpet either.

- Oh. - Here, fix it.

That is a very grave error in judgment.

Verily, I say unto you, Ed, remember the words of Jonah

when he discovered himself in the belly of the whale.

He looked to heaven

and he said

"Oh, Lord, get me outta here!"

Words to that effect.

And don't forget Daniel in the "Book of Acts."

When he was in the arena and the lions were in the arena

in Acts One and Two he says, don't start Act Three

till you get those lions out of the arena.

Hey, you broke it, now I can't go.

Sure, you can, just do what the baker does

when the bakery is on fire.

- What's that? - Get your buns out of here.

I can't do that.

That would be a-a-against tradition.

Here, let me show you the Brown family crest.

[blows air]

[laughs] That's ridiculous.

That's a porcupine with his rear end in cement.

Right.

That's our motto.

We don't move our tail for anybody.

Nonetheless, nonetheless

said in this instance

discretion is the better part of pig-headedness.

- No offense. - No, no.

You don't understand, reverend.

Uh, it all goes back

to the revolution when my great-great-grandfather

Josiah Brown defended

and then on the post road

single handedly against an attack by a superior force.

- The British? - No, his wife.

But that doesn't matter.

What matters is the history of the thing, see?

For years, the Browns have been

since the birth of the nation, dragging their feet--

The history, the history is the important thing.

Yes, and all through history

it says, "He who fights and runs away

"lives to fight another day."

That's the coward's way.

Yes, and if it works for them, it'll work for me.

The his...

You know, we could make history change history

and maybe we don't have to move.

Oh, I don't think so, Chico.

You know, something?

Maybe I should retire.

Yeah.

You know what I think I'll do?

I'll go upstairs and lie down in my bed.

They can break through the walls

they can tear up the floor

they can cave in the ceiling

just as long as they don't wake me.

Ed, you can't give up now.

You're not a quitter! This isn't Ed Brown I know.

Do you know that your garage is in California

which was founded hundreds of years ago

and somebody went to all the trouble of founding it

who are you to go around losing it?

- What are you blabbering about? - I'm talking about history.

One day, the face of Ed Brown

will be on Mount Rushmore carved in rock.

Ed Brown will be carved in rock?

- Yeah. - Hey, that reminds me.

It's time to get stoned.

Come right this way.

I saved you some great seats, right up here in the front.

You know you're wasting your time, Rodriguez.

If Commissioner Vickers hadn't insisted on playing this out

I would have had my bulldozers rolling by now.

You better be quiet, you don't want that guy to hear you.

That's Jaime Guevara

editor of "La Prensa de la Raza"

with a loyal readership of over 40,000

loyal readers to whom his word is law.

The man is nothing but a rabble-rouser.

Shh-shh.

If this occasion is news worthy

enough to draw the distinguished

Mr. Jaime Guevara

then I suppose we should count ourselves

lucky to be here.

Speaking of that, Mr. Rodriguez

exactly why are we here?

Well, the President of the United States

couldn't make it and we needed somebody important.

Well, I'm here.

And speaking

in my official capacity...

...as Sergeant of Arms of the Garbage Men's

Purple Bowling League

and historical to say

it gives me great pleasure

to be here at this great ceremony.

On my own time, too.

[laughs]

[laughs] Can we get on with this, whatever it is?

Sit down, just sit down please.

- Mrs. Vickers, right here. - Oh, yes.

Okay.

Reverend Bemis. So good of you to come.

Ladies and gentlemen, Reverend Bemis.

We humbly ask your blessings

on our gathering this day

and pray that you will receive

our tribute to the founder

of California's Missions

Father Junipero Serra.

Oh, well, so that's what he looks like.

Father Junipero Serra.

Father Serra, the old friar.

I don't care if he's a young broiler.

You're wasting our time!

Sit down.

[clears throat]

I now call upon

Chico Rodriguez

to conduct the next portion

of our service.

- Service? What service? - Hey, hey, hey.

- Sit down please. - Service?

Father, the parchment. Thank you.

[speaking in foreign language]

"The stones on the King's road are hot, but all is well.

"For those are mortal words Father Junipero Serra

"founder of California, began his letter

as he sat down in the shade."

As always, Father Serra traveled on foot

so when he says the stones are hot

believe me he knows what he was talking about.

It's ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous!

Do you ever want your garbage emptied again?

Sit.

Thank you, Brother Louie.

[speaking in foreign language]

"On the King's road, the water is hot also."

Father Serra's thirsty

but even the water is hot.

Ha!

If he doesn't get some rest soon

he may never find

the Mission of San Juan Capistrano.

And then where would the swallows go every year?

[laughs]

Father Serra reach Los Angeles

were at last he was able to rest as he writes

and I translate

"In the shade of a rough stone stable wall

"I took my repose

"and now I had a vision that this very stable wall

"which shelters me

will shelter those will come after."

Father. That's us.

Because that wall...

is this one.

I've heard enough. That's it, that's it.

Wait a minute, you gotta wait for the big finish.

Sit down.

I would now like to call a gentlemen

the patriarch of the community, a pillar.

More like Father Junipero Serra

before him, has rested in the shelter

of these hallowed walls

Mr. Ed Brown!

[humming]

♪ California ♪

♪ Here I come ♪

♪ Right back ♪

♪ Where I started from ♪

[scatting]

[humming]

Hum. Hum, you fools, hum.

[humming]

My friends

it is my pleasure to dedicate

this wall

used by Father Junipero Serra

to rest and recover from his long

and arduous journey to this community.

[humming]

It may be an inspiration

to the future generations

who I hope will learn

to value the simple pleasures of life...

...exemplified by the screwed up times.

Yes, I dedicate this wall

saddened by the knowledge that

it will soon be denied to the people...

...because it has been marked for destruction

by insensitive and unfeeling bureaucrats.

♪ California ♪

♪ Here I come ♪

[speaking in foreign language]

That is an issue with the people who support.

- I'll be right back. - Oh, wa-wait a minute.

But, listen, don't-don't be too rough on-on him

because you don't want to incite a riot about this.

Oh, wait, Mr. Guevara, I haven't signed

the final order yet.

- You haven't? - Oh, no.

My department wants to create

not to destroy.

- Why wasn't I-- - I'm sure you realize that.

Oh, Mr. Guevara, you did support

me last election, didn't you?

- Well... - Wait a, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, he had over two years.

He had two years...

Wait a minute, you had two years...

Holy Wall, my Aunt Fanny!

How-how are you gonna prove that Father Serro was here?

How are you going to prove he wasn't?

[laughing]

Well, congratulations, Rodriguez.

You know, you're wasting your time as a car mechanic.

With your crooked, conniving, devious mind

you should be working with us in government.

Looking good.

And 200 years from now

people are gonna say Ed Brown slept here.

Yeah, and Chico Rodriguez woke him up.

♪ California ♪

♪ Here I come ♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, thank you.

[male 1] "Chico and The Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪♪