Original subtitles

[José Feliciano] One, two, one, two, three, and...

♪♪

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man, he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico, if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will, for Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Even though he's funny, he don't understand, yeah ♪

[brakes squealing]

♪ The open road is calling ♪

♪ I hear its caring tone ♪

♪ Oh, joy ♪

The next time that it calls you, you'll go alone, my boy.

Never again.

Come on, Ed. You loved it.

You left your heart in San Francisco.

Wasn't my heart. It was my wallet.

Why did I have to go to San Francisco to get mugged?

I could have stayed here and patronized my local mugger.

Ed, giving a panhandler 50 cents for a cup of coffee

isn't being mugged. It's inflation.

Yeah? I'll never understand why I allowed you

to drag me to that auto show.

Because we're an A-1 garage,

and we've got to stay abreast of the latest models.

Yeah, the latest model in this neighborhood is an Edsel.

[Chico] Oh-oh.

"Closed for funeral"?

What?!

I knew I shouldn't have allowed Mando to take over my garage.

He's burying my business.

Poor Mando.

Before he left, he told me his grandmother was going fast.

His grandmother? Oh, yeah. She was a sweet, old gal.

She used to play crossword puzzles all the time.

Yeah, she the fanatic crossword-puzzle player.

Yeah, well, I hope they buried her six down and three across.

Oh, well, come on. Let's get inside.

You take the bags in.

I'll pull the old paint out in the street.

Okay.

[engine starts]

"Rest in peace."

[Mando] Who's there?

Mando?

[sighs]

Chico, Chico, Chico.

Mando, Mando, Mando.

How could such a thing happen, man?

I don't know.

But your grandmother led a full and rich life.

My who?

Oh, Mando, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother,

but she lived a rich and full life,

and I can truthfully say that she was...

Must have been very close to his grandmother.

Mando? Come on, man. Wake up.

Mando, get up. [whistles]

Come on. You okay, man? You all right?

You...

You're alive!

Well, just barely.

The way I feel right now

I may be moving in with your grandmother any minute.

I don't think my grandfather would dig that.

Didn't she pass away?

No! He did.

You mean I'm dead?

And this is the other world?

Oh, no, you wouldn't do that to me, would you?

Huh?

What are you talking about, man?

Man, it was in yesterday's "Times."

Look. Here's the clipping.

Hey, let me see that.

"Died, Edward Brown, garage owner,

while on a business trip to San Franci..."

Hey, I guess I did leave my heart in San Francisco.

"Memorial services will be held on March 13th

at 1:00 p.m. in the Harris Chapel, Los Angeles."

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

This must be some other Ed Brown.

I'm not dead... am I?

"The Times" don't lie.

Yeah? Well, cancel my subscription.

Pick up the wreath. Let's get down to the chapel

and pay our respects to the other Ed Brown.

You want to cause a riot down there?

Mando, you go to the chapel and tell Ed's friends

the good news, okay?

- Right. - Okay.

[chuckling] You're still alive.

Hey. Wait till Louie sees me.

What? Louie can't see you. - Why not?

He can't come in here and see you alive.

Mando passed out.

At Louie's age, he'll pass away.

Tell you what.

I'll break the news to him. You go up to your room.

I'll break it to him really gently.

And then when all is cool, I'll give you the signal.

You come back down.

Okay, but this place looks like a cemetery.

I think we ought to lighten it up a little.

Hey, turn on some music.

That's good. That's the idea there.

And don't leave me dead too long.

I'm getting hungry.

[radio playing upbeat instrumental Latin pop]

♪♪

[music stops]

Hello, Louie.

Dancing and he's not even in the ground yet.

Uh, Louie, let me, let me explain.

Sometimes things aren't always the way they appear to be.

On the day of Ed Brown's memorial service,

did you or did you not

or were you or were you not doing the cha-cha-cha?

No, no, no!

Doing the mambo.

Anyway, I'm not sure we're going to a memorial service.

You poor kid.

Still pretending that it never happened.

I wouldn't be too sure of that, Louie.

Look, son.

Let it all spill out, because if you let the tears

get dammed up behind the eyeballs,

they flow into the stomach,

and then that can cause water on the knee.

Louie, how about a drink?

No. We save our drinking for the wake.

I want you to go home and get dressed so we won't be

late for the memorial service.

We ain't going to be late, Louie.

We're not going for years yet.

I wish he could have found some other way to stop drinking.

Uh, Louie...

Louie, do you know

that if you looked in the phone book right now,

you could probably find a hundred Ed Browns

you could talk to?

I don't want to call another Ed Brown.

Friends ain't like pets. When you lose one,

you don't go out to the kennel and get a replacement.

Yeah.

Hey, did you see that movie the other night,

the war picture with Errol Flynn and Ann Sheridan?

And in the movie in France in World War I,

Errol Flynn got it, and he died.

And that's what they thought, anyway.

Ann Sheridan gets married to his best friend,

Ralph Bellamy, you see, and they're living together.

And then all of a sudden, out of the blue,

who should knock on the door, but Errol Flynn, aha!

So, boom, boom, boom, and Ann Sheridan opens the door.

"Hello, Ann. It's me, Errol.

I'm not dead, honey. I was shell-shocked.

And I was in a French hospital, and, uh...

I wasn't really dead. I was sick. I had amnesia."

And what did Ann Sheridan say?

Louie, you're missing the whole point of the story!

[Ed sneezes]

Who was that?

Can your heart take a little good news?

Hush up now.

What are you trying to tell me, Chico?

What I'm trying to tell you is that the rumors of Ed's death

have been slightly exaggerated.

You mean Errol Flynn is upstairs?

Ha ha!

Errol Flynn? It's me, Ann Sheridan.

What's going on?

[Louie] Ed!

Louie.

[Louie] Ed!

Louie!

Ed Brown!

Little Louie!

Louie!

Chico!

Is it really you, Ed?

Yeah!

Really me, alright.

Because if I was a ghost,

I'd be haunting a garage on the Riviera.

Ah, Louie.

You really took it hard, didn't you? Huh?

The whole neighborhood did. - Yeah?

There wasn't a dry eye for miles around.

Must have been the smog.

I don't have too many friends around here.

Oh, Ed, you got nothing but friends.

Yeah?

Yeah, when I told Gino the shoemaker about you,

tears came to his eyes. - No.

Yeah, and he sang two arias from "La Traviata."

Then he reached up on the shelf

and gave me these shoes as a memento.

Wait a minute. Those are my shoes.

Well, he figured you wouldn't need them up yonder.

You know something? I was in Rudy's Bar when he got the news,

and, Ed, it was beautiful. - Beautiful?

Rudy asked for a moment of silence,

and then he bought everybody in the house a drink.

Oh, that was nice. How many people were there?

Just me and Rudy.

Just you.

And I won't even tell you

what went on in Mrs. O'Brien's delicatessen.

No, no. Tell me. Tell me.

When she found out you had died,

she named a sandwich after you.

- A sandwich? - Yeah.

It's called the Ed Brown Famous Sandwich.

It's got sauerkraut, sour cream, sour lemons,

and a whole lot of crabmeat.

Whole lot of crab.

Yeah, I had it for lunch yesterday.

No kidding? How'd it taste?

A little crabby, but I had to send you back.

How about that, Chico? They named a sandwich after me.

I've been telling you for a long time.

You're a beloved figure in this neighborhood.

If you walk down the street today with Cary Grant,

you know what people would say? - What?

"Who's the good-looking guy with Ed Brown?"

No kidding. Is that what they'd say?

Yeah, they love you, man.

[Ed] You're putting me on.

He's alive, man. He's alive.

Yeah, I'm looking at him. I see.

Hey, Mando, what happened to the services?

Did anybody cry?

Oh, yeah. One woman had so many tears

streaming down her face that she had to leave the chapel.

Really? Who was it?

I don't know her name.

All I know is she's allergic to flowers.

Come on, Mando. How many mourners were there?

Well, let's put it this way, Ed.

If it was a restaurant, one waiter could handle it.

Well, tell me. How many mourners were there?

None. - None?

They all came to see the other Ed Brown.

Nobody showed up for you.

Nobody?

Nobody.

Nobody came to see.

Ed, look at the bright side. Ain't it great to be alive?

Yeah, let's go down to Mrs. O'Brien's and celebrate.

Get one of your famous sandwiches, Ed Brown Sandwiches.

Oh, no, no, no. You two go.

If she finds out I'm not dead,

she'll change the name of the sandwich.

Aw, nobody.

Nobody showed up.

Nobody.

Nobody showed up.

Hi, Ed. I thought you were dead.

Fill it up, kid.

"Hi, Ed. I thought you were dead.

Fill it up, kid." Is that all you have to say?

Oh, I forgot. I'm sorry.

Check the oil, too.

Hey, you. You got some nerve coming in here.

Come on, Ed. What do you mean, nerve? What?

Oh, I know, I know. I forgot. I forgot.

I forgot it's these radials I bought from Peterson's.

Listen, he was having a big sale on them.

You were out of them. What else could I do?

You could have run on your rims.

What's the matter with him?

What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy to see him?

Sure I am!

Well, why don't you show him?

Scream. Take him in your arms and kiss him.

That's not my style.

I'll send him a get-well card.

Carl, I'd like to send you a get-lost card some days.

As a matter of fact, Carl, do me a favor. Get lost.

You know, kid, if you'd been a mortician as long as I have,

you'd learn not to cry, too.

[engine starts]

Oh, Louie, I just don't understand people sometimes.

Well, Carl ain't exactly people.

Nobody.

Nobody showed up.

[Mabel] Mail call!

Mail call!

Chico... I'm so sorry.

Uh, hi, Mabel.

Oh, hi, there, Ed!

Well, I've seen some phony faints in my life,

but that one takes the cake.

You... He's...

You're... you're-you're... You're-you're...

You're still alive!

Sure! I made a pact with the devil.

Ed, can I tell you how happy I am that you're alive?

Please tell him.

Yeah, tell me.

Tell me why you're out delivering mail

when you should be at the chapel crying your eyes out.

I was going to the chapel.

In that outfit with those bony knees?

Where's your black dress? Where's your veil?

Have you no respect for the dead?

After I finish delivering the mail,

I was going home to change-- honest.

And what was I supposed to do

while you were out delivering the mail?

Lie around here with a lily on my chest

waiting for you to show up?

Don't be so mean, Ed.

If he wasn't grouchy, I'd think he was an impostor.

Ed, why don't you go upstairs and lie down and rest?

Yeah, why don't you go upstairs and lie down and rest?

Lie down and rest?

That, gentlemen, was a very unfortunate choice of words.

I even bought a black dress for the occasion.

Oh, it's all chiffon with a flared skirt

and long sleeves and a scoop neck.

Now, where am I going to wear it?

If you wear it in the street, you're going to hear me going...

[speaking Spanish]

Chico!

I'm really feeling badly about it.

If you'd only let me faint to the floor,

he would have known how sincere I was.

Well, we'll just tell him you collapsed on the way out.

Oh, Louie! Thanks.

Yeah.

Chico, your mail.

You know, Louie, I can't figure it out.

He gets no pleasure out of living.

He got no pleasure out of dying.

What's left?

Father. Father, I'm sorry. We're closed.

Of course you are, my son.

He must have been a very wonderful human being.

Here. These are...

These are for your Ed Brown, my boy.

I still can't understand it.

That was a packed funeral service.

And it turned into a total disaster.

And I knew something was wrong

from the minute I started the eulogy.

I said, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to lay to rest our good friend Ed Brown,

known to his tribal brothers as Chief White Cloud.

Allow me to start by quoting from his favorite poem,

'Hiawatha,' by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

'By the shores of Gitche Gumee...'"

I had no longer finished that first line

when suddenly there was a stir in the congregation,

and a little man scampered behind me,

peeked into the coffin, and screamed out,

"It's not my Ed Brown!"

Well, of course, at that point, all he-- [clears throat]

all "h" broke loose.

Naturally, I called time-out.

The fans were obviously in the wrong chapel.

They cleared out as though there'd been a fire.

But by that time they only left about six mourners

for my Ed Brown.

Well, "By the shores of Gitche Gumee,

by the shining Big-Sea-Water stood the wigwam of Nokomis."

I bless you both.

We got enough flowers to enter the garage

in the Rose Bowl parade.

Why did this happen to Ed?

Well, Chico, the Lord works in strange and mysterious ways.

Maybe he's trying to tell us something.

Yeah.

I think he just told me.

Louie, you and me are going to do something for Ed

so that he will not have lived in vain.

Chico.

Hey, Mando, did you contact everybody?

Yeah. Gino, Rudy, Hernandez, but they can't come.

They're all worn out from that other memorial service.

Am I too late for the festivities?

Whoo-hoo!

No, you're just in time. Where are your friends?

Oh, well, the kids on civil service are still on duty.

So, then I went to Mrs. Shrift's bakery,

but she got so hysterical at the news Ed was alive,

she took to her bed.

Mrs. O'Brien sends her regrets and five pounds of crabmeat!

Ooh!

Hey, Ed?

You sure he's awake?

[Chico] I think so. I heard him. Ed?

Hit it.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny ♪

Get out of my garage.

Ed, these people are your friends.

The only reason they weren't at the funeral parlor

was because when they found out it was another Ed Brown

they left.

All these flowers are for you from them.

I got telegrams from...

And I got a telegram from Gino.

And he couldn't make it because of the other funeral.

And he was all tired out. So what could he do?

[whistles]

What's going on here?

It's the Ed Brown memorial service.

Ed Brown memorial service?

Will the congregation please be seated?

Mr. Brown?

I really like that dress.

You're kidding.

Oh, no, I did!

[whistles]

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today to pay our last respects

to one of the most respected members of this community

for lo these many, many years.

Africa had Albert Schweitzer.

We had Ed Brown.

Yes, Lord!

Through those very doors have come the sick,

the maimed, and the helpless.

And they're all here.

Hallelujah!

No job was too big for Ed brown.

Any make or model Ed Brown would put his golden fingers there

and fix it

and give it the will to drive a mile and yet another mile.

He's got his car across the River Jordan!

And he never raised gas prices

until the Arabs forced him to.

Lord, please forgive the Arabs.

He was like most men. There was good and bad in him.

Little bit of whiskey too, Lord.

I remember when I first met him.

I was just a kid off the streets,

and he took me in.

Viva La Raza!

I'm loving this, Chico.

Yes, I began to dig him as a friend.

And the love of our friendship grew.

Then I began to love him as a father.

Yeah, I loved him, Ed Brown. We all loved him.

Why did he have to go?

♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Yes, I want to be in that number ♪

♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

[all humming]

If this is what you have to go through when you're dead,

I'm glad I'm alive.

♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Yes, I want to be in that number ♪

♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Yes, I want to be in that number ♪

Get out of my room now!

Oh.

Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you,

but I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come down

and take a little, little walk in the rose garden.

Uh, Chico, I'm very grateful for what you tried to do last night.

Hey, it was nothing.

Yeah.

I'm sorry if my eulogy made you cry.

Well, it'd be even sorrier if it made me laugh.

- Ed? - What?

What if I were to go?

Huh? Where are you going?

You know...

back to the bosom of Abraham.

Come on!

You're too young to be talking like that.

No. Really, I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I want you to do for me what I did for you.

Let me sit here, and you stand there,

and now talk nice about me.

Okay.

[clears throat]

[weeping]

Dearly beloved...

Amen!

We are gathered here this evening

to pay our last respects.

Hallelujah!

Whoo!

Good night, sweet prince.

[announcer] "Chico and the Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios,

Burbank, California.

♪♪

[José Feliciano] ♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, alright ♪