Original subtitles

[José Feliciano] One, two, a-one, two, three and...

[guitar playing]

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged♪

♪ The Man, he ain't so hard to understand♪

♪ Chico, if you try now♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone♪

♪ And a new day has begun♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try♪

♪ And I know things will be better♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will for Chico and the Man♪

♪ Yes, they will, for Chico and the Man♪

♪ Even though he's funny, he don't understand, yeah♪

Hey, Ed, buenas dias.

That's what you think.

Oh, what a wonderful day.

Hear the birds singing?

Yeah. Buenos dias to the birds.

I saw the sun come up this morning.

What's so special about that? The sun comes up every morning.

Only you would be surprised.

How do you feel?

The same.

That bad, huh?

Cheer up! It's great to be alive.

You ever been dead?

No.

Then don't make judgments.

You got anything special you want me to do today?

Yeah. Keep an eye on the sun. If it disappears, go with it.

Mail call!

Hi, Mabel.

Hi, Chico. Oh, what a beautiful, sunny day.

Yeah, well, it may be sunny outside,

but don't dare go in that office.

It's sure raining in there.

What's wrong with Mr. Charms?

Oh, nothing much.

He got up this morning, looked out the window,

and the bluebird of happiness had a nervous breakdown.

You know, I had an uncle just like Ed--

miserable and stubborn.

He used to go to Santa Monica Beach every weekend,

and he hated it.

Then why did he go?

He knew a shortcut.

Mabel, I think that ribbon in your hair is tied too tight.

I mean it, Chico. Most people grow old gracefully.

Then there's Ed Brown.

Can you imagine what Ed's going to be like when he's 100?

You really think he's going to be around that long?

Oh, absolutely. He told me so.

What's his secret to reach 100?

When you hit 99, you walk very slow.

You got anything interesting for me?

Oh, I've got a sister, but she lives in Ohio.

For you, nothing, but Ed hits the jackpot.

Bills, sales, invitations, and the morning newspaper.

Mabel, do yourself and me a favor.

Wait till tomorrow to deliver the bills to Ed, for me?

Chico, I can't do that. I'd go to jail.

- I'll serve half your time. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, what's going on here? What are you two mumbling about?

Good morning, Ed. What a beautiful, sunny day.

The government pays you to deliver the mail,

not to be a cheerleader.

Hey, come on, man. She's just trying to cheer you up.

Well, I'm not in the mood to feel good.

Ooh, but wait till you see what I've got for you.

It's an invitation from Terry's Gymnasium.

You're entitled to three free lessons in weightlifting.

See, now, if you took the lessons,

you'd be able to tear that up with no problem.

Look -- here's something that ought to make you happy.

It's a contest.

If you guess all the faces on the picture,

you'll win a free trip for two to Niagara Falls.

And if you don't mind sharing the motel room with me,

we can find the faces together, hmm?

Hey, look. There's one behind the tree.

Will you stop trying to make me happy?

There's a dog's face behind the barn.

Where's my morning paper?

Oh, sure. Coming up.

Now get back to work.

Hey, you guys work too hard.

Enjoy me while you can.

I'm the pause that refreshes.

If you're the pause that refreshes,

we're all dying of thirst.

Reminds me. I haven't had my breakfast.

Oh, boy. He's really on a bummer today.

Yeah, but don't worry. I'll cheer him up.

You're a beautiful soul, Chico.

But there are some things that are impossible--

finding a cure for the common cold

and cheering up Ed Brown. See you.

[cash register dings]

Ahh!

Aahhh!

Why did you make Scotch taste so much better than oatmeal?

Talking to God again, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, but it didn't work. You're still here.

You know, I think I finally figured out why you drink.

Because you're scared, and that's your crutch.

See, I'm scared, too. But I pray to the Virgin of Guadalupe.

I used to talk to her about my father.

See, he ran away when I was very little.

I can understand that.

So, I never knew him.

Well, look at the bright side. He never knew you.

My mother says he was very grouchy and mean.

You would have liked him.

How come you always read the obituaries?

I want to see if I'm listed.

Oh, boy. That's terrible.

What?

A Beverly Hills eye doctor died at the age of 38.

What killed him was overwork.

Combination of that and the truck that ran over him.

Oh -- oh, dear God.

What is it? Who died?

All of them.

But this one I knew. Joe Harrigan.

- Joseph Harrigan? - Yeah.

Was he a friend of yours?

My best friend. I hated him.

I hadn't spoken to him in ten years.

"Joseph Harrigan, 64,

died last Tuesday of natural causes in Culver City."

Ah, it just goes to show you.

A man lives 64 years

only to kick off on a Tuesday in Culver City.

What they say he died from? - [Chico] Natural causes.

Natural causes. Everybody gets natural causes.

You know, they raise millions of dollars every year

to fight cancer and heart disease.

But did anybody ever put on a telethon for natural causes?

What was it between you and Joe Harrigan?

I mean, how come you didn't talk for so many years?

He borrowed 500 bucks from me ten years ago

and never paid me back.

Ed, how can you think about money at a time like this?

You're right.

Thinking about it isn't going to bring my money back.

Aah-aah!

What's the matter?

I don't know.

As you get older, you get natural causes, I guess.

Maybe you just feel bad about your friend.

My friend? He was no friend.

No friend would die owing you 500 bucks.

Oh!

What is it?

You'll find out after my autopsy.

You shouldn't kid around like that.

Who's kidding? I wonder what caused it.

Maybe it's just sorrow for your friend.

Sorrow can be a pain.

So can you.

[horn honking]

I think a car came in.

Yeah, very few horns come in by themselves.

Go on. Go take care of the car.

Well, I don't want to leave you alone now.

Your grief is my grief.

My grief is you. Go take care of the car.

You okay?

I'll be okay.

Hi. Can I help you?

Yeah, I'd like a dollar's worth of regular.

Oh, and do you guys have a map of West Covina?

Go get a map.

It's not my job.

Go get a map!

Well, where is it?

Well, it's in the office, under the desk.

I think West Covina is under the left front leg.

Hi.

Hi. I, uh, wanted a dollar's worth of regular.

I know.

Well, listen. I'm in kind of a hurry.

Yeah, we're always in a hurry. And where does it get us? Hmm?

Personally, I'm going to West Covina.

Sure, we hurry here. We hurry there.

But who are we fooling, huh?

I don't know.

Uh, look. I need some gas.

I'll tell you who we're fooling.

Nobody, right?

Nobody. Right.

Okay, now can I have some gas?

One day it's over. That's it.

One day you're on your way to West Covina.

The next day, Forest Lawn.

Well, since I do have today left...

could I please have just a dollar's worth of regular?

You got a second?

Frankly, no.

No? You're in a hurry, aren't you?

Well, we all are. You know, I mean.

Okay, I'll get your gas.

Hey, I certainly would appreciate that.

Now, that's why I came in here -- for some gas.

Everybody's in such a hurry,

they never get to know one another.

They just rush right past each other.

And then one day--

I know, Forest Lawn.

Yeah.

My name is Ed. I work in a garage.

My name is Alfred. I have to get to West Covina.

I got the map. It was under the right rear leg.

Yeah. Right rear, left front. What difference does it make?

Huh, Alfred? - [Alfred] Right, Ed.

Yeah.

You two know each other?

Give Alfred a full tank of gas on the house.

What?

You heard me.

And remember, Alfred, in the end,

nobody cares what time you get to West Covina.

Here.

Ed, what are you talking about?

Alfred understands. Don't you, Alfred?

Uh, r-right. Right, Ed.

What's he talking about?

I don't know. He sure does make a lot of sense, though.

Well, so long, Alfred. So long, Chico.

So long? Where are you going?

Upstairs.

Really upstairs.

Well, it's been a good life.

A little long, perhaps, but don't feel sorry for me.

I'm going to that great barrio in the sky,

where everybody moves in but nobody ever moves out.

Mail call! Mail call!

Hi, Mabel.

Oh, don't tell me.

They're putting up storm warnings on the coastal areas

and inside the garage.

You and your newspaper.

If it hadn't have been for you, Ed would be okay now.

Oh, Did the stock market depress him?

He never got to it.

He couldn't get past the obituaries.

Look, if he'd read the stock market,

he'd really be depressed.

Mabel, a friend of his died.

Oh, Chico. I'm sorry.

Now he's upstairs thinking he's going to go.

Oh, well, that's impossible.

He's not even close to 100 yet.

Mabel, his friend died of natural causes.

Now he's in bed thinking he's got natural causes.

Oh, Chico.

Having someone else's symptoms is very common.

Just last week,

my next-door neighbor's cat died of arthritis.

For three days, my dog couldn't lift his paw.

How did you get your dog out of it?

I played along with his neurosis.

How did you do that?

I rubbed his shoulder with liniment three times a day.

In a week, he was jumping over fences again.

Mabel, you've given me an idea.

That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to play along with him.

I'm going to do to Ed what you did to your dog.

Okay, but be careful.

Ed's a little too old to jump over fences.

Bye!

Bye, Mabel.

Hey, Chico! - [Chico] Yeah?

Where's the afternoon paper? Bring the obituaries.

[Chico] I'm coming. I'm coming.

God, why are you taking me away in the middle

of the football season?

Now I'll never know if the Rams made the playoffs.

[door closes]

Here you go.

- [Ed] What's that? - [Chico] It's a wreath.

Don't you want to enjoy the flowers before you go?

What does it say on it?

It's an old Spanish saying, Que la vaya bien.

What does that mean?

Bon voyage.

Get this out of here!

No respect for the dying.

Hey, look at this obituary for Joe Harrigan.

Two lousy lines.

Guy gets bitten by a dog gets more space.

"Died of natural causes."

That means nobody shot him.

Well, you can discuss that with him when you see him tomorrow.

Don't be in such a hurry to put me in the ground.

Okay, so it'll be the day after tomorrow.

You got everything in order? Did you make out a will?

What I want to make a will out for?

'Cause if you wait until after you die,

then it's not legal.

I'll take it down for you.

No, I'm not in the mood. I don't want to make a will.

Listen -- the last thing you need after you're gone

is to be tied up in probate.

You talk. I'll write.

Alright. Let's see.

I, Edward Brown, being of sound mind and body--

Wait, wait. You better strike that.

You wouldn't want to go out with a lie on your conscience.

Where were we?

"I, Edward Brown."

Bequeath all my worldly goods--

Wait a minute. Who are you kidding, Ed?

Alright, alright, alright.

I, Edward Brown,

leave everything I've got to anybody who wants it.

Namely, Chico Rodriguez.

Oh, that's sweet. Well, what do I want it for?

Look at it. On a good month, we lose 50 bucks.

So, with a little hard work, you can cut it down to 25.

You want it, or don't you?

Well, there's an old Spanish saying.

[speaking Spanish]

What does that mean?

Throw in your hat, and I'll take it.

You got it.

And now that I got it,

I'm going to make this place a tribute

to the memory of Ed Brown, he Tomb of the Unknown Grouch.

Do you mind?

I'll sleep in this bed,

and I'll use the van as my summer home.

Aah.

[horn honking]

I'll take care of that customer.

[Ed] Alright.

Don't you go... least not until I come back.

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.

[door closes]

Ah, the world goes on.

One man dies. Another needs a lube job.

[door closes]

- [Ed] Who's this? - [Chico] He's a doctor.

You can't be legally dead until he signs a certificate.

So, I figured why waste time?

I don't trust any doctor that's willing to come down

to this neighborhood.

[speaking Spanish]

What's he saying?

Dr. Ramirez lives here. He practices in the barrio.

Well, he's not going to practice on me.

Get him out of here.

He's my family's doctor. He took care of all of us.

We owe him our lives.

Yeah, and you're trying to repay him with mine?

No, sir.

[Dr. Ramirez] Will you please keep quiet?

- [Chico] Dr. Ramirez said-- - [Ed] I heard what he said.

I thought he didn't speak English.

He happens to speak four languages.

But I prefer Spanish with my people.

And I prefer English with my doctors.

[speaking Spanish]

What did he say?

He wants to take some blood.

Blood? Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

[speaking Spanish]

Now what?

He wants to listen to your heart.

No doctor gets close to my heart until I search him first.

Would you stop?

You only got a few beats left in that heart, anyway.

Yeah, well, okay, if he can find it,

he can listen to it.

Here.

And remember, I get all the mineral rights.

[speaking Spanish]

What did he say?

His car keeps dying out on him.

I think it's something with the carburetor.

Oh, but I'll ask him about you.

Alright.

[conversing in Spanish]

By the time they translate it, I'll be six feet under.

Goodbye, Señor Brown.

Is that a prognosis?

No, no, no. Just goodbye for now.

Oh, okay.

Hey, doc, if I ever get a girl in trouble, I'll call you.

Well, what's your verdict?

The verdict is you're going to live.

Oh, good. Well, if I'm going to live,

I'm not going to stay in bed alone.

I need a friend with me.

The doctor said if you drink to excess--

Excess! I'll drink to that. Here's to excess.

Ahhh!

Instead of drinking to excess,

why don't you drink to Joe Harrigan?

Admit that you miss him.

Miss him? I don't miss him. I miss the 500 bucks.

There's another old Spanish saying -- I don't believe you.

Oh, go on. Get out of here.

[horn honking]

If I'm going to live, I got to have some money.

Take care of the customer.

Okay, okay. I'm going.

Ahh. Well, God, nice try.

Too bad it didn't work out. Better luck next time.

Don't feel too bad. I'm not much of a bargain.

Hey, Ed? Joe Harrigan's ex-wife--

I mean, the ex-Joe Harrigan's wife--

the widow Harrigan is here to see you.

Oh, Betty is here?

Okay, let me get my pants on.

Okay.

Mrs. Harrigan, it'll just be a minute.

Hello, Ed!

Oh.

Oh. Hi, Betty. Wait a minute.

Gee, Betty, I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.

Oh, that's okay, Ed.

I've seen a man put on his pants before.

Have a seat, Mrs. Harrigan.

Thank you.

Can I get you something?

No.

[Chico] Some coffee? - No, thank you.

- Drink of water? - No, thank you.

- Some cake? - No.

Anything?

I don't think so. Thank you very much.

Wait a minute. Keep talking.

Anything I can help you with?

Just a minute.

Okay, whatever you need.

I'll be with you in a second, Betty. Take your time.

Anything you need, just...

Alright. Thank you.

Would you like something to eat or...

There's nothing there.

You want to play checkers?

[horn honking]

Well, Ed, it's been a long time.

Yeah. Go downstairs, take care of the customer.

I'll take care of the lady.

I bet you will!

Well, Ed...

Ah! Oh, it's been a long time, hasn't it, Betty?

Yeah. You look fine.

It's so good to see you.

And I feel terrible about what happened.

I mean, tell me. What was it about Joe?

The paper said it was natural causes.

That's right. His heart just stopped at 3:00 in the morning.

Oh, dear. That's terrible.

Did they try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

Yeah, the redhead said they did. Yeah.

The red...

Wait a minute. What redhead?

The one he was fooling around with in the motel.

Joe was fooling around with another woman in a motel?

Well, I'm partly to blame.

I never should have given him that set of luggage.

Oh.

Gee. Well, Joe never struck me

as the kind of a guy who would stray.

You know, you were one of Joe's best friends.

Well, how can you say that? We didn't talk to each other

for ten years.

Well, his other friends didn't talk to him for 20 years.

That's why I'm here. You have to give the eulogy.

Oh, me? Oh -- oh, no, Betty. I couldn't do that.

I can't think of anything good to say about Joe.

Oh, come on, Ed. Let's face it.

He must have had some good qualities.

Well, he was tall.

He was good at borrowing money.

Oh, I got a surprise for you, Ed.

What's that? $500?

Joe's dying words in the motel were,

"Tell my wife I love her and pay Ed back the $500."

Joe said that?

The redhead called me. She's such a nice girl.

Anyway, there's the money.

Yeah, well, I couldn't take it, Betty.

You're going to need it. So, you take it back.

- No, you take it. - No, no, I couldn't take it.

[Mrs. Harrigan] Ed, you have to take it.

[Ed] No, I don't want to take it.

Go ahead, Ed. Take it.

Why don't you get out of here?

- Please, Ed, take it. - No, I couldn't take it.

Yes, Ed. Please take it.

That's what you said you wanted, anyway.

Alright, alright! I'll take it. I'll take it!

Now get out of here. Go on.

Go on! Get out.

Now, you don't have to be mad at Joe anymore.

Well, I got to admit, he had a lot of rotten qualities.

He was a cheat, a liar, and a phony.

But he was a lot of fun to be with.

Remember those words and say them at the eulogy.

Yeah.

And thank you.

Oh.

Well, Ed, you did it.

You've gotten over natural causes.

Yeah, you've licked the big NC.

- [Chico] Hey, Ed? - [Ed] What?

Just came to see how you're feeling.

I'll show you how I'm feeling. Watch this.

See? It never was the $500.

The only thing I feel bad about

is that I didn't talk to the poor man for ten years

and now I'll never have a chance

to tell him how I felt about him.

See, he wasn't a bad guy.

As a matter of fact, he was a good guy, and I liked him.

So, if you got something to say to somebody, say it.

If you got a friend you care for, tell him.

You know, don't wait until it's all over,

until it's too late.

Okay, Ed Brown... I love you.

Get out of here!

Hey, where you been?

You know where I've been. I've been to a funeral.

How'd the eulogy go?

Oh, pretty good. I spoke for an hour.

[Chico] Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I told all the mourners

what a great guy Joe Harrigan was,

what a wonderful, clean life he led.

Got a lot of laughs.

Laughs? You mean nobody cried?

Well, the cabdriver cried, but he didn't know Joe.

Yeah, well.

Hey, you're limping.

Yeah.

Well, you see, Joe wasn't very popular.

We only had three pallbearers.

What happened?

We dropped him twice.

Once on my foot.

[announcer] "Chico and the Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios,

Burbank, California.

♪♪

[José Feliciano] ♪ Chico was born in El Barrio♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge♪

♪ His belly for something to eat♪

♪ But times are hard♪

♪ For Chico and the Man♪

♪ Times are hard♪

♪ For Chico and the Man♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, alright♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪