Original subtitles

[José Feliciano] One, two, a-one, two, three and...

[guitar playing]

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged♪

♪ The Man, he ain't so hard to understand♪

♪ Chico, if you try now♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone♪

♪ And a new day has begun♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try♪

♪ And I know things will be better♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will for Chico and the Man♪

♪ Yes, they will for Chico and the Man♪

♪ Even though he's funny, he don't understand, yeah♪

[music plays on radio]

[groans]

Oh.

[groaning]

[radio announcer] And now a short break

for the morning news.

Well, give it to me gently.

I just had a terrible night. Ooh.

In a further report from our nation's capital,

Congress has approved a bill for $5 billion

to help the country's small businessman.

Good. Make my check out to cash.

On the local scene, at City hall yesterday,

there was a rally in which some 50 women marched,

protesting their lack of membership

in the plumbers union.

That's a woman for you.

Wants to get out of a dirty kitchen

so she can go into a dirty bathroom.

Hi, Ed!

Oh, shh!

Not so loud.

What's the good word?

How about good-bye?

You got some sense of humor.

Yeah, well, I must have. I hired you, didn't I?

I don't understand what you're talking about.

I'm talking about you.

Listen, kid, I admit I nip a little.

And when I nip a little, I get happy a little.

And sometimes I do things I'm sorry for the next day

when I'm sober.

Well, right now, I'm sober,

and I've changed my mind about having you here.

You can't change your mind.

Why can't I? It's my garage,

and I want you out of here.

But how do you like this?

Like what?

This-- gives the place class, huh?

What'd you do, roll a milkman?

You haven't seen the best part.

My friend made it.

"Ed's Garbage"?

Well, my friend don't spell too good,

but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Well, considering who's wearing it,

I think she spelled it just right.

You and me, old man. We're gonna get along terrific.

You know, letting me work here

and letting me move into your old van

was the smartest thing you ever did.

Hey, I told you I had second thoughts

about having you here.

I don't understand why I did it in the first place.

And, hey, you woke me up last night

about 2:00 in the morning, didn't you?

Absolutely.

- Why? - To show you a sunrise.

At 2:00 in the morning?

Man, that wasn't just any sunrise.

That was a Francisco Ramon Rodriguez Sanchez

super special sunrise.

Made with the juice of half an orange, a wisp of grenadine,

one ice cube crushed,

a pinch of salt, and 2 1/2 quarts of tequila.

No wonder my head hurts. Hey, what were we celebrating?

Don't you remember?

After a drink like that, who could remember anything?

We were celebrating my new job.

Oh, we got a new job.

Well, what am I worried about? When are you leaving?

This job.

Man, you were real nice to me last night.

I couldn't believe it. You weren't grouchy.

You said you liked me.

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't have.

Yes, you did. And you know what else?

You put your arm around my shoulder.

Oh, my Lord.

I guess all good things have to come to an end.

I'm going to have to give up drinking.

Come on, Ed Brown, you don't fool anybody.

You're as happy to have me here as I am to be here.

I read an article about guys like you in the barbershop.

It says some guys have to hide the good feelings

they have inside with bad feelings.

So they make-believe they feel lousy,

but deep down inside, they feel good,

so it makes me feel good to see you feel lousy

because I know deep down, where it counts, you feel very good.

How'd I get mixed up in this?

Wait. Hey. Ooh. What are you doing here?

What?

My friend lent me his car last night,

and I'm going to put a dent in it.

Okay, I'll bite.

Why do you want to put a dent in it?

So then I can fix it and show him

what a great repair job we do here in Ed Brown's garage.

I got a better idea.

Don't put a dent in it and don't fix it,

but tell him there was a dent in it and tell him you fixed it,

but don't charge him for it.

You're a genius.

Oh, thank you.

Boy, look at that.

It's just like it was never dented.

This is going to bring in 50 customers.

See, that's what we got to do. We got to put what we got

to sell right out front, just like Raquel Welch.

[Ed] Yeah.

Well, I'm going to put you out front

and I'm not going to sell you. I'm going to give you away free.

I don't understand. It sounds like

you're trying to get rid of me.

What do you mean it sounds like I'm trying to get rid of you?

I am trying to get rid of you. Good-bye.

Hey, man, I'm a great mechanic.

I've been taking cars apart since I was 15.

Sure. First the hubcaps, then the tires, then the radios.

Yeah, and then you run like hell.

- I know that. - No, no, man, as a mechanic.

Piston by piston, spark plug by spark plug.

Most guys tune an engine right, they get one car -- rrr!

I tune four cars at one time, and they go...

♪ Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo ♪

How about that?

The General Motors Tabernacle Choir.

Man, I tune them like this.

♪ When I walk down your alley ♪

♪ You blew your horn ♪

♪ I felt so unhappy ♪

♪ And now my love is gone ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm driving down the highway ♪

♪ Of heartache ♪

[groans]

[Chico] ♪ To you ♪

How am I gonna get through to this kid?

You'll give me a clue, won't you, sir?

Oh, this desk looks terrible.

It's going to be straightened up.

[sighs]

Well, it's got my signature on it.

"I, Ed Brown, being of sound mind and body, do hereby employ

as my foreman and number-one mechanic, Chico Rodriguez,

a.k.a. Chico Ramon Rodriguez y Sanchez"

When did I do this?

Must have been during the Tequila Sunrise.

"At a salary of --" Oh, no, he's kidding about that.

"...till death do us part"?

"Till death do us part"?

My God, he got me to marry him.

"Ed Brown and Chico Rodriguez."

Till death do us part, huh?

Yeah, but how am I going to make it look like an accident?

I know. I got it right here.

There we are.

[Chico] Hey, boss!

I'll be right with you!

[Ed] Got some good news for you.

I'm busy! I'm talking to an old flame.

With smoke signals?

Uh, what's the good news?

Oh, my friend came in and got his car,

and he loved the dent job that we fixed that we didn't do.

Ah, I knew he'd like it.

- I got an idea. - Yeah?

There's an antique store down the street

that's got a dummy they'll sell cheap.

Yeah? I got a dummy they can have for nothing.

No, it's a wooden Indian.

What are we going to do with a wooden Indian?

Well, we can put a pair of these coveralls on him

and stick him outside, and it'll attract business.

Listen, why don't you stand outside,

and I'll put the wooden Indian to work.

He'll give me much less trouble,

and I know he'll do a better job.

I don't understand it.

With all the garages around here,

why did you have to pick on me? Why was I so lucky?

Because I see potential.

Yeah, you're a great old man.

This garage is a potential gold mine.

Now, I got some ideas. You want to hear them?

The only thing I want to hear is the sound of your footsteps

as you're leaving.

Oh, we're gonna get through to him.

Sooner or later, we're gonna get through to him.

Well, now, the first thing I got down here is,

this garage shouldn't open later

than 6:30, before the opposition gets up.

If you're talking about 6:30 in the morning,

I'm the opposition.

The last time I was up at 6:30 in the morning,

a refrigerator was called an icebox,

pot was something you cooked in,

and a bust was something you put in a bra.

[telephone rings]

Great. [sighs]

Ed Brown's Garage.

Chico Rodriguez, the greatest mechanic in the world?

Oh, before you leave, somebody wants to talk to you.

Hello?

Consuela. Listen, I told the whole family,

unless it's an emergency, don't call me at the office.

What office?

Oh, it is an emergency?

Pretty little Dolores next door? Yeah, I know her.

Oh, he did? Yeah, he's a bad dude.

He said it's not his?

What do you mean she's got to prove it?

Listen, you tell her to call up that dude and say--

[speaking Spanish]

Uh-huh. Right.

Well, then call me back. Right.

What happened to pretty little Dolores?

Now, next thing I got down is,

we should think about foreign cars.

If we can get a guy who knows Volvos,

Volkswagens, and Porsches, we can up our business 100%.

And I know just the guy-- his name's Ricky.

Yeah. What did he do to her?

To who?

To pretty little Dolores.

Ricky don't even know Dolores, man.

He works on the other side of town.

What happened to pretty little Dolores?

Oh, she bought a sewing machine in a discount store,

and it was busted, and the guy refused to take it back.

Said she didn't get it there.

Hey, there's the order.

- What order? - [Chico] Okay.

Okay for what?

I went over the inventory this morning.

I found out we were short on everything,

so I called up and ordered fan belts, brake fluid,

windshield-wiper blades, the works.

- Where do you want to put it? - Where do I want to put it?

I want to put it right back in the truck.

- Get it out of here. - Look, mister,

will you help me get this thing unloaded?

I just got 20 minutes,

and I'm already 20 minutes behind schedule.

Well, you just caught up. Get it out of here.

Look, you ordered it. It's yours.

He ordered it. It's his. I don't want it. Take it back.

Hey, I'm not authorized to take back.

I just deliver.

Okay. You want to leave it here?

Leave it here. But I'm not going to pay for it.

You know what that'll do for your credit?

What credit? I don't have any credit.

That's ridiculous. You got to owe somebody.

I owe everybody. Why should you be an exception?

Look, you're giving me a headache.

This is not my regular job.

The daytime, I drive the truck, but at night, I'm a nurse.

You're a what?

- A nurse. - A nurse?

Cancel my Medicare.

And get this stuff back in the truck!

Why are you being so unreasonable?

You got any idea what it's like living two lives?

You see that street out there, Nurse?

- Use it. - All right, I'll go.

Boss, don't you know you got to put something into a business

before you can get something out?

The only thing I want to get out of this business is you.

You really mean it.

Well, you finally get through to him, huh?

Glad you understand. Chico, you're fired.

[mumbling]

You can't fire me. We got a contract.

We had a contract.

We got a contract.

What we got now is a mess on the floor.

Let me see you read that.

"Until death do us part."

And I got three more copies.

You can have this one.

Oh, and just in case, I sent one to the district attorney.

[sighs]

Eh, you're not gonna help me out of this, are ya?

Gonna have to do it all on my own, huh?

[paper ripping]

Hey, Harry, you're not listening!

Let me-- Well, all right.

Let me read it to you. Here, it says,

"I, Ed Brown, being of sound mind and body,

do hereby employ as my foreman

and number-one mechanic, Chico Rodriguez,

a.k.a. Chico Ramon Rodriguez y Sanchez,

until death do us part."

And it's signed Ed Brown and Chico Rodriguez.

Now, that's not a legal contract, is it, Harry?

It is?

It would?

Any jury in the world?

Well, how much does it cost to buy a jury?

Well, what about a judge?

Who's kidding?! I was--

Oh!

Should've talked to my lawyer instead of my brother-in-law.

Hi, Ed. Here's lunch-- half a hero sandwich.

- I couldn't finish it. - Oh.

It's got salami, pastrami, anchovy, Romano, and ricotta.

I saw that opera. It was terrible.

I could die from some of the things you say.

Yeah? Don't make promises you can't keep.

Listen, why do you be grouchy?

I'm here. Why don't you just accept it?

Make the best of it.

You know, you're suffering

from a rare tropical disease--

Mexican chutzpah.

My friend, I know what's on your mind.

If you knew what was on my mind,

- you wouldn't call me friend. - You're tired.

Why don't you lie down and take a nap?

No way. I'm gonna stay awake

till I find a way to break that contract.

Okay, then I go into plan B.

First, I get my friend Max DiSantana

to paint me a sign in big red letters that glow in the dark

and say, "Ed Brown is a lousy, no good for nothing fink."

Then I put a little pressure on the neighbors

and get them to walk in front of your garage,

sticking their tongues out at you.

And for the big finish, I get 100 mariachis

to stand at your window playing a death march

while I go into the phone booth and call the union.

You're not even a member the union!

Yeah, well, my cousin is,

and we got the same name and the same mustache.

Okay. You want to stay here? Stay.

But I'm going to make it so tough for you

that you'll be begging me to quit.

And I want to tell you something else.

I'm going to report you to the union

if you don't do your job,

even if it means firing your cousin.

Man, I can handle it. I was in the Army.

They threw everything at me you could pick up with a shovel.

Yeah? Well, if you're so good with a shovel,

I got a job for you. Go out in the backyard

and dig up all those weeds and burn every one of them.

No sweat. I took care of that early this morning.

And it's a good thing I did, too.

Those weeds you had growing out there

were selling on the open market for 20 bucks a lid.

Well, no wonder those squirrels

were sitting around staring at each other.

All right. You want to go to work?

Over here.

Now, you see this drawer?

- Mm-hmm. - It's full of nuts and bolts.

I want you to separate every bolt from every nut.

Hey, man, there must be thousands of them in there.

Okay. I realize it's a tedious and boring job,

and you're a young man with imagination and ambition.

So if you find this too much for yourself,

you want to quit, go ahead and quit.

Okay. I'm gonna do it.

You're gonna quit?

No, I'm gonna separate every nut from every bolt,

- just like you told me. - Eh!

Nut.

And a bolt.

Nut.

And another bolt.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

That's a nut.

And three bolts-- three apiece.

Come on!

This is gonna take you six months.

You're doing it the wrong way.

I got another way -- lefty.

Forget about it. Take the nuts and bolts

and throw them in the storeroom.

You want them in a box with a label on them?

The only thing I want in a box with a label on it is you.

And do it neatly!

I've lived through that.

I might as well live through this.

[drawer thuds, nuts and bolts clattering]

Great sandwich, huh?

I think I broke a tooth.

Oh, you got to be kidding me. I swear, that deli serves--

I lost my St. Christopher medal.

I found it.

No harm done. He's retired anyway.

Here. Take this back to the Petrified Forest.

Look, if you want to drive the car, drive it.

[woman] Just don't talk to me anymore!

You want to prove you're a great mechanic?

Here's your chance-- special customers.

Special? What, do they give you a lot of business?

Nobody gives me the business the way they do.

Man, this is the chance I've been waiting for--

to prove myself. You won't be sorry.

That you can be sure of.

- Good day, folks. - Yeah.

Can I help it if a pretty young divorcee moved in next door?

I've said maybe three words to her.

And I know the three words-- "Meet me later."

Beautiful motor, sir.

It's a lemon. Check the radiator.

We got a leak.

Look, I don't even know her first name.

Really? I thought it was "honey."

Don't you worry about the radiator.

Already checked yesterday.

I checked the oil. It's low.

Forget it. I had it lubed last week.

Listen, I think you're going to have to pull the wheel.

It's the brake. We got a drip.

You-- I married the drip!

Now, come on and check the muffler.

It's got a funny noise.

The only funny noise around here

is coming from her.

What was that?

You should talk to me about honey--

I mean, Alice-- I mean Mrs. Doberny!

I saw you on Saturday at the cocktail party

eating Harry's olive.

I was hungry!

I know! She was nibbling his ear, too.

You know what he's trying to do?

He's trying to make-believe that it's all me,

but anybody can see through you.

See through me?

You should have seen the dress she was wearing.

Sure, you can see through it. It's threadbare.

I haven't bought a decent dress in years!

I agree you haven't bought a decent dress.

They're all indecent! Check the front.

I think the wheels are out of line.

No, check the back. It's the trunk.

- It won't stay shut! - Forget it!

Check her mouth! That won't stay shut!

I got a terrific idea,

something that's gonna make you both happy.

- We tried that. - Yeah.

We couldn't agree on a property settlement!

You couldn't agree on a property settlement!

What I'm saying is, just leave the car here with me

for a couple hours.

I'll check it inch by inch, all over.

I'll fix everything, even if it doesn't need it,

and then I'll personally deliver it right to your door

after I give it a free wash on the house, okay?

Yeah.

You did say they were special.

Yeah.

[till dings]

- You sure? - Yeah.

Take a cab home. Here's five bucks.

That is what I call terrific service.

Just a moment, Sporty.

If you take that money from that charming,

hardworking, thoughtful young man,

I'm gonna go and buy myself a new hat,

which, believe me, won't cost $5.

All right!

Come on. We'll have a bowl of spaghetti.

- Spareribs. - I want spaghetti.

- Spareribs. - Spaghetti!

- Spare ribs. - Spaghetti!

[woman shouts]

Well, you got through that all right,

but just wait till they come back.

Listen, why don't we stop this?

We shouldn't be doing this to each other, old man.

Don't call me "old man." I'm not your old man.

Well, that's the point.

You just hit the nail on the head.

See, my father ran away when I was little,

so I guess I look at you as a father.

Well, don't look at me as a father.

If you were my son, you would have gone to college

and amounted to something.

You'd have been a doctor or a lawyer

or an engineer or an architect,

not some street bum trying to hustle a job in a garage.

Well, you know, you ain't

too easy to get along with, either.

But I'm gonna try.

My Uncle Hernando wrote up a contract for me.

He's an abogado.

Your uncle is a fruit?

Not avocado. Abogado, with a B.

It means attorney.

Okay, so he's an avocado attorney.

[Ed] So what?

Well, he helped me with the contract.

He said you're the party of the first part.

I'm the party of the second part.

And the party of the first part ain't got a leg to stand on.

So being a guy with integrity,

I can't just leave you standing there on one leg.

Okay, so I'll get a pair of crutches.

I want you out of here.

Listen, let's stop playing games.

Whenever you want me out of here,

honestly and really, you just tell me.

When you want me out of here,

you just tell me, and I'll believe you,

and I'll go.

Okay! I'm gonna give it to you straight.

I want you out of my garage. I want you out of my van.

I want you out of my life. Do you understand?

I want you out, out, out, out, out!

I don't believe you.

Stay here, Chief. I'll be right with you.

Hey, Ed? [Ed] Yeah.

I want you to meet somebody.

Yeah? Oh.

You bought the wooden Indian?

I didn't buy him. I traded four tires for him.

Four tires for a wooden Indian?

Well, hey, man, this isn't just any ordinary Indian.

This one is gonna bring us business.

How.

I told you how -- I'm gonna put coveralls on him,

stick them out here.

And this ain't an ordinary Indian.

What I'm trying to tell you is -- just listen.

This Chief Running Oil.

Come to it Brown Garage.

Meet Chico, best mechanic in town.

With motor tune-up, get free lube job.

Hey, that's a trick. I didn't see his mouth move.

I didn't see your mouth move. How did you do that?

It's easy. Just push the button.

And now for my Spanish-speaking friends.

Soy jefe Running Oil.

[announcer] "Chico and the Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios,

Burbank, California.

♪♪

[José Feliciano] ♪ Chico was born in El Barrio♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge♪

♪ His belly for something to eat♪

♪ But times are hard♪

♪ For Chico and the Man♪

♪ Times are hard♪

♪ For Chico and the Man♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, alright♪