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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:05,182 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 2 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:08,685 ♪ Songs that made the hit parade ♪ 3 00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,788 ♪ Guys like us, we had it made ♪ 4 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,791 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 5 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:18,728 ♪ And you knew where you were then ♪ 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,998 ♪ Girls were girls, and men were men ♪ 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:26,970 ♪ Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again ♪ 8 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:30,507 ♪ Didn't need no welfare state ♪ 9 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,977 ♪ Everybody pulled his weight ♪ 10 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:38,582 ♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great ♪ 11 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:44,576 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 12 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,625 [DOG GROWLING] 13 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,627 ARCHIE: Get the hell out of here, you mutt, ya! 14 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,662 Get out of here! Get out of here! 15 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,764 Get out of here! Get out! Get out! 16 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,065 [DOG CONTINUES GROWLING] 17 00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,155 Aah... 18 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,170 Get out of here! 19 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:03,339 Go on home. Go chase the mailman! 20 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,296 [DOG CONTINUES GROWLING] 21 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:07,533 Ah. 22 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,514 Hey, Edith, where are you? 23 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,449 EDITH: I'm in the kitchen. 24 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,084 Geez, I know that. 25 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,686 Barney's dog 26 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,922 is a cross between a cocker spaniel 27 00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,157 and a rattlesnake. 28 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:24,628 Ooh, what happened to the paper? 29 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:28,064 I didn't like the morning news, so I bit it. 30 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,366 Oh, Archie, you didn't do that. 31 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,436 Your teeth ain't sharp enough. 32 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:34,638 Here's your bakery... 33 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,907 Oh, good, you got more than I asked you to get. 34 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,342 Yeah, I got plenty. 35 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:42,512 Good, 'cause we're having company for breakfast. 36 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:46,382 Company? You ain't never supposed to have company for breakfast. 37 00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,651 You ain't supposed to have company no time 38 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:51,087 without at least two weeks' notice. 39 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,556 You're gonna love this one. 40 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,081 No, I ain't. I ain't a loving person. 41 00:01:57,417 --> 00:02:00,952 Guess who's comin' to breakfast. 42 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,889 Edith! 43 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:11,408 Oh, geez, is that... Is that who I think it is? 44 00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:12,975 Yeah, yeah. It's her! 45 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:14,232 Oh. 46 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,672 - Oh. - Edith! 47 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:30,326 - Oh, oh, oh. - Oh. 48 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,495 Remember me? 49 00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,898 Yeah, sure. Doris Day? 50 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:38,168 No, Louise Jefferson. 51 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,570 I know that, Edith. 52 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,173 - Archie... - Can't even have a joke. 53 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:46,809 Oh, Louise, you look wonderful. 54 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,278 I know. 55 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,980 That's just what I was gonna say to you... 56 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,082 Love what you've done with your hair. 57 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:56,719 Oh, I ain't done nothing with my hair. 58 00:02:56,743 --> 00:03:00,389 I just wash it and dry it and roll it 59 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:04,827 and brush it and comb it and sometimes dye it. 60 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:08,298 Oh, geez. Just... Geez about dyeing hair. 61 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:11,801 - Let's have our coffee. - Makes everybody feel so old, old. 62 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,336 Take your coat. 63 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,307 Ooh. Archie, look at this. A beautiful mink. 64 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,008 Ooh, ooh-ooh. 65 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,544 It's gorgeous there, gorgeous, Louise, yeah. 66 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:24,080 Well, it's nice to see you. Sit down, sit down. 67 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,848 Oh, thank you, Archie. 68 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,950 Not that I want to say anything, Louise, 69 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:31,053 but, you know, a lot of people nowadays, 70 00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:33,590 they think it's kind of un-American, you know, 71 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:38,528 to walk around with a lot of dead live animals on your back. 72 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:43,366 No, Archie, they grow them little minks on ranches, 73 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,235 special for coats. 74 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,404 Edith, it don't make no difference 75 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,806 whether you chase the animals around the ranch 76 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,775 or you chase them through the streets of New York. 77 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:56,713 Somebody has got to club the animal to death. 78 00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,149 Oh, no, they don't do that. 79 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,018 Well, what the hell do you think they do, 80 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,320 unzip them? 81 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:05,755 Oh... [GIGGLES] 82 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,758 Come on, Louise, have a bear claw. 83 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,726 You know, speaking of animals 84 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:14,486 puts me in mind of, well, your husband George, you know? 85 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,335 I mean, geez, we ain't seen much of him lately. 86 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:22,472 Well, I guess he ain't got no time to go slumming nowadays, 87 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,275 you know, with the five cleaning establishments. 88 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,709 Seven. 89 00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,878 Oh, whoop-dee-doo, seven there. 90 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,248 Listen, I am a businessman myself, Louise. 91 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,484 You know, I bought Kelsey's saloon down there, 92 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,319 but one of these days, if I get the time, 93 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,321 I would love to drop in on George. 94 00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,822 Well, if you can't come in person, 95 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,491 just send your clothes. 96 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,559 Oh, yeah, yeah. 97 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:44,627 Yeah. 98 00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:47,297 So what brings you here, Louise? 99 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,366 - You mind if I ask a question, huh? - Mm, mm. 100 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:52,101 So, what brings you here, Louise? 101 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,837 Well, our house is ready for renting, 102 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:58,274 all but the drapes, which I'm going to pick up right now. 103 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,077 And some people are coming to look at the house. 104 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,346 Would you show it to them for me, Edith? 105 00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:04,480 ARCHIE: Ooh. 106 00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:07,417 Me? Oh, I don't know. 107 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,952 Wait a minute, wait a minute. She could do that. 108 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,355 You could do that. You could do that! 109 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:15,792 But I ain't never showed a house before. 110 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:20,997 It's easy to show it... show it to people. Understand? 111 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,466 You just take them in, you show them through all of the rooms, 112 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:27,804 and you say, "Isn't this a positively doll's house?" Huh? 113 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,539 Please, Edith? 114 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,907 Yeah! Yeah. 115 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,543 - All right, I'll try. - Yeah, she'll do it. 116 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:37,213 Oh, my. I ain't been back next door 117 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:40,183 since Mike and Gloria and Joey left. 118 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:44,154 Oh, my, it's gonna be sad. 119 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:47,257 I'll bet when I walk through the rooms, 120 00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:49,993 I'll hear voices. 121 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,617 Oh, stay with us, Lord. 122 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:58,067 That's one of her old-time problems, Louise, you know. 123 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,936 Sometimes she hears voices. 124 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,572 What's wrong with that? 125 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,573 Sometimes I hear voices, too. 126 00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:08,878 Yeah, but you don't crawl into bed with me at night 127 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,402 and tell me what the voices say. 128 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,818 Thank goodness. 129 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,120 Oh, I must run. 130 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,823 Oh, could I take this with me for later? 131 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,459 Yeah, would you like to take a nice, soft speckled banana? 132 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,895 - No, thanks. - All right. 133 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,130 All the information you may need 134 00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:31,967 will be in this envelope, and here are the keys. 135 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,102 Oh, all right. 136 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,570 - And I'll call back later. - Yeah. 137 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,839 Now, if anybody wants to rent the house, 138 00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,207 just call George's secretary. 139 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,843 - All right. - Oh, whoa ho ho, secretary. 140 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:44,781 But the man has seven stores, don't he have seven secretaries? 141 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:48,951 Only one. He may be rich, but he's still cheap. 142 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:53,456 Oh, Edith, good-bye. Oh, good-bye. See you. 143 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,759 Oh, oh. 144 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,495 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 145 00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,929 See you later. 146 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,153 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 147 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,238 Hey, you know, Louise is pretty funny, you know? 148 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,873 I love them jokes she's making about George. 149 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:11,941 Oh, yeah. 150 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,344 But don't you ever try nothing like that, 151 00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:15,368 you wouldn't be funny. 152 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,005 Edith, come on. Will you go around the other way? 153 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,845 Sit down in your chair! 154 00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,850 How did I ever live this long? 155 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,399 And you. 156 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,501 You know, you nearly blew our chance 157 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,503 to pick the new neighbors here 158 00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,672 and root out the wrong ones. 159 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:45,041 Who are the wrong ones? 160 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,442 Oh, you know what I mean. 161 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,412 We want to keep the neighborhood the way it is. 162 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,915 What way is it? 163 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,082 Come on, Edith, 164 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,418 the way it is since the Jeffersons 165 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,142 moved back into the city. 166 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:01,324 I don't know what you mean. 167 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,526 Oh, you know what I mean all right. 168 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,561 And don't be giving me the long-face stare, 169 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,832 I know what you're thinking up there, I'm some kind of a racist. 170 00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,934 Listen, I'll tell you, that George Jefferson, 171 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,902 there's the biggest racist of 'em all! 172 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,392 He hates white people. 173 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,240 And listen. 174 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:20,510 There's a lot of guys just like him today, you know? 175 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,545 Hey, the world has changed, Edith. 176 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,948 This ain't like them olden, golden days, 177 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:29,452 you know, with the old South, where all the colored people, 178 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:35,113 they... they loved their fine old white folkses back home. 179 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,930 Nowadays that's all gone. It's gone. 180 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:44,033 That's like that picture, Gone With the... 181 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,337 uh, Clark Gable. 182 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,006 Archie, you're... 183 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,910 - What, what? - You're talking... 184 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:57,881 - What, what? - I'm trying to think of the word you always use. 185 00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,282 You're talking... 186 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,317 Sense. 187 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,542 Crapola. 188 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:16,265 Don't tell me what "rent" means. 189 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,934 Everybody knows what "rent" is. 190 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:22,539 "Rent" is what we pay the landlord here every month. 191 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:26,108 I'm trying to tell you that "rent" in Shakespeare 192 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,011 means something else. 193 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,712 Like this. 194 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,283 "Oh, see the rent the envious Casca made." 195 00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:34,472 Who's Casca? 196 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,723 You know, talking to you is like talking to a giant mushroom. 197 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,625 That's Shakespeare, you cluck. 198 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,327 Julius Caesar. 199 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:48,030 Oh, yeah, we studied Shakespeare in high school. 200 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,532 I hated it. 201 00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:51,668 You hated Shakespeare? 202 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,591 No, high school. 203 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:57,740 "Young Cassius hath a lean and hungry look, 204 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,165 let me have about me men that are fat." 205 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:04,313 Hiya, fellas. 206 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,915 Speaking of which. 207 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,450 Listen, whatever youse is talking about there, 208 00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:10,853 stop, 'cause I got great news for youse. 209 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:12,989 I know. Alice Faye is in town. 210 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,024 Don't be a wise guy, Barney. 211 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:18,594 Now listen, the Jefferson house is up for rent, and it's chic there. 212 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,696 It's just been "remodelized" and everything. 213 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,465 And some lucky guy is gonna get it, see? 214 00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,301 Why lucky? 215 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,236 He'll be right next door to me. 216 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,373 [SING-SONG] Hey, hey, hey, hey. 217 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,875 Come on, fellas, what do you say? Harry, what about you? 218 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:37,480 Are you kidding? We just put in new linoleum throughout. 219 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,849 Oh, well, Barney. 220 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:42,051 Look, I been in my house 30 years. 221 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,320 Why would I want to move across the street? 222 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:48,379 I just thought there might be a little gypsy left in you. 223 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,883 What about some of the guys at the lodge? 224 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,566 Hey, Step Gidnic. He's a nice guy. 225 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,968 Though he does scream a lot at night. 226 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,170 Why? 227 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,140 His wife punches him around. 228 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,043 Geez, if I give a woman a name like Step Gidnic, 229 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,279 I'd expect to be punched around myself. 230 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,848 Hey, how about Hank? 231 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,217 Nah, nah, he's stupid. 232 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,886 Stupid don't keep you awake nights. 233 00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:20,923 Oh, yes, it does. It does. 234 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,058 It does. 235 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,194 Come on, guys, come on, help me, huh? 236 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,463 Geez, Edith is showing the place. 237 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,565 If we don't come up with a decent tenant, 238 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,490 she'll rent to Famous Amos or somebody. 239 00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:43,178 Yeah, it's a positively doll's house. 240 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,915 Well, you... you are quite a saleslady, Mrs. Bunker. 241 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,283 Oh, thank you. 242 00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:49,418 I love it. 243 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:52,054 I really would love to take it. 244 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,356 Good. 245 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,523 [SIGHS] 246 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,191 But I'm afraid I'll have to pass. 247 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,860 Yeah, I don't think Arthur would like it, 248 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,795 and he makes all the decisions. 249 00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:00,863 Bye. 250 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,631 [GIGGLES] Thank you. 251 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:05,501 Bye. I'm sorry. 252 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:06,925 Bye. 253 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,040 It's a lovely house. 254 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,576 The upstairs is so... homey, and sunny. 255 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:19,014 I'm so glad you like it, Mrs... Lewis? 256 00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:20,483 Mm-hmm. 257 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:24,720 The back bedroom gets the afternoon sun, 258 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,089 in the afternoon, 259 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,458 when the sun is out. 260 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,094 Gloria, that's my daughter, 261 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:36,265 she used to take a sunbath right under the window, 262 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,400 while she was watching Joey... 263 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,902 That's my grandson... 264 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,238 In his sandbox, in the backyard. 265 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:47,376 But once, while she was watching Joey, 266 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,368 she caught a man watching her. 267 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,283 Oh, he don't live around here no more. 268 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,018 Oh, that's good. 269 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,588 Well, this seems just right for me. 270 00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,990 And my husband Ed trusts my taste, 271 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,626 so it looks like we're gonna be neighbors, Mrs. Bunker. 272 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:07,296 I'm so glad, Mrs. Lewis. 273 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,465 Call me Polly. 274 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,966 You, too. 275 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:14,503 Oh, I mean, I don't mean that you should call me Po... 276 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,605 I mean that I should call you Polly, 277 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:21,143 and you should call me Edith, that's what I mean. 278 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,045 Do you see what I mean? 279 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,313 [LAUGHS] 280 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:27,082 Okay, Polly, I mean, Edith. 281 00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:28,483 [BOTH LAUGHING] 282 00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:31,553 You know, if your husband and my husband get along 283 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,956 half as well as you and I do, 284 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:37,326 well... I couldn't ask for anything more. 285 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,995 Oh, yeah... 286 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,853 Oh. Oh. 287 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,206 - [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] - ARCHIE: I'm home. 288 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,775 Yeah, that's right. 289 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:57,179 No, it's not. 290 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:59,781 Hi there, kiddo. What are you doing, your homework? 291 00:13:59,805 --> 00:14:01,984 I'm stuck on my arithmetic. 292 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,987 Oh, well, hey, that used to be my best subject there. 293 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,789 I'll unstuck you. What's your problem? 294 00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:09,291 "A and B are in a race. 295 00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,393 "A is running four miles an hour 296 00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,395 "and started two hours before B, 297 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,798 "who is running twice as fast as A. 298 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:19,757 How long will it take B to catch up with A?" 299 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,806 B... 300 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:26,897 will never catch up with A. 301 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,278 Why not? 302 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:33,148 Listen. When I was going to school, 303 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:35,439 B was trying to catch A. 304 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,289 And if B ain't caught A up to now... 305 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:43,459 [CHUCKLES] You know what I mean, huh? 306 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,228 I'll bet you'd like to have a beer with me, huh? 307 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,329 Yeah. 308 00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,364 Well, I'm gonna give you one... 309 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,523 when B catches A. [CHUCKLES] 310 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,939 We got new neighbors. 311 00:14:56,963 --> 00:15:00,910 Oh, the new neighbors. Did you get a look at them? 312 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,499 I saw the lady. 313 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,082 Yeah? Well... what's she like? 314 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,605 She's nice. 315 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:12,387 Eh, I mean... what does she look like? 316 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,845 She's pretty. 317 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,326 Come on, I mean, eh... 318 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:19,617 What kind of... color is she? 319 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,819 A regular color. 320 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,603 Well, swell, why didn't you say so? 321 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,538 That's what we want around here. 322 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:33,009 - [DOORBELL RINGS] - Oh, damn. 323 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,965 Oh, no, you don't. 324 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:41,484 Why the hell the whole world has to beat a path to my doorbell? 325 00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,952 Damn. 326 00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,909 If he's selling mouse traps... 327 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,590 Oh, Mr. Bunker? 328 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,960 And if you are selling magazines, uh... 329 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:55,686 nobody in this house uh... knows how to read. 330 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,635 I'm not selling anything. I'm from next door. 331 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,692 Oh, you workin' there, huh? 332 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,896 You think I'm the maid, don't you? 333 00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,847 Ah... well, what else could you be? 334 00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,549 I mean to say, uh... 335 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,574 I'm your new neighbor, Polly Lewis. How do you do? 336 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,989 Ohh, you two are meetin'. 337 00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:22,257 That's good. 338 00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:23,759 - Come on in, Polly. - Thank you. 339 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,561 This is my husband Archie. 340 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,629 Archie, this is Polly Lewis... 341 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,930 BOTH: our new neighbor. 342 00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:30,198 Yeah, I know. 343 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:33,134 Uh... I just made a mistake here, Edith... 344 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,070 It's your fault. 345 00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:38,741 I... I took her for the maid next door. 346 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:39,875 How stupid of me. 347 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:40,899 Oh, yeah. 348 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,448 I wish I were the maid. 349 00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:48,917 Then I wouldn't have to do windows. 350 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,953 Oh, yeah, you wouldn't have to do the windows. 351 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,755 That's a good... 352 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,424 Excuse me, I just gotta go inside and... 353 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,426 [MUMBLING] kill the kid. 354 00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,584 EDITH: Here's your cleaner you asked me for. 355 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,355 Hey. 356 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:09,838 Just what exactly is your idea of a regular color? 357 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,529 A color you see all the time. 358 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,281 You're gonna be hungry doing all that work, 359 00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:22,651 so I'm gonna bring you some sandwiches over later. 360 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,754 - Oh, thank you. - Don't worry about food. 361 00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:26,577 - I'll see you later. - Yeah. Bye. 362 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,397 Ain't she nice? 363 00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:36,854 [IMITATES EDITH] 364 00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:42,026 "Ain't she nice?" 365 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,662 Hands off the chair! 366 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,211 What's the matter? 367 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,946 Ahh. 368 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,148 Listen. 369 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:57,040 You know that I always been a fair-minded guy. 370 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,427 Listen. 371 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:09,197 I accept that we're living in a country 372 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:11,855 where democracy's got us by the throats. 373 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,970 Right. 374 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:18,874 I admit that people got a right to be where they want to be. 375 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:23,634 But does that always have to be next door to me? 376 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:28,584 The Jeffersons lived next door to you. 377 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,519 That's right. 378 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,955 And I done my bit with the Jeffersons. 379 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:37,381 How often does a guy have to prove that he ain't prejudiced? 380 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:44,232 Polly is such a nice person. 381 00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:47,870 Whoo-hoo, but so was Louise Jefferson. 382 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:52,675 But look at George. George Jefferson. Gee... 383 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:56,111 How would you like to have another George living next door to you? 384 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,148 We ain't gonna have another George 385 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,349 living next door to us. 386 00:19:01,373 --> 00:19:03,385 And how do you know that? 387 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:06,210 Because her husband's name is Ed. 388 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:13,095 Archie, don't worry. 389 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,665 Nice women have nice husbands. 390 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:22,070 Don't judge the whole world by your case. 391 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,873 God, what's the sense of talking to you? 392 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,509 You never get what I mean. 393 00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,278 Listen. 394 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:32,081 You know damn well there's certain things about me 395 00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:33,983 I ain't never gonna change. 396 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:37,186 But you're asking me to make out like I'm gonna. 397 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,643 That's right. 398 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,329 The house looks great, darling. 399 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,765 I couldn't have picked a better one myself. 400 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,266 I knew you'd like it. 401 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,969 And wait until you meet our neighbor, Edith Bunker. 402 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,337 She's a lovely person. 403 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,261 Oh, yeah? Well, how about Mr. Bunker? 404 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,844 Edith tells the most wonderful stories. 405 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,645 I love to hear her talk. 406 00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:06,604 Yeah, but, uh... how about Mr. Bunker? 407 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,841 Well. You remember the TV show Roots? 408 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,355 Yeah. 409 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,713 You remember the man with the whip? 410 00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:18,460 Yeah. 411 00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,729 Same guy, no whip. 412 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:21,997 Oh, God. 413 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,166 But you're gonna have to meet him sometime, 414 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,835 so when you do, please, Ed, be nice. 415 00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,237 Ooh, why not? 416 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,738 I hated him in Roots, 417 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,940 but I'll give him a second chance. 418 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,208 [DOORBELL RINGS] 419 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,512 That must be Edith. 420 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,581 - Hi. Here I am. - Edith. Come in. 421 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:42,183 - Oh, hello. - How are you? 422 00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:44,853 Edith Bunker, I'd like you to meet my husband, Ed Lewis. 423 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,988 How do you do, Mr. Lewis? 424 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,690 Well, it's a pleasure, Mrs. Bunker. 425 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:49,891 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 426 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,675 - Thank you. - Excuse me. 427 00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:57,031 Uh, being as how you're gonna be eatin' sandwiches over here, 428 00:20:57,055 --> 00:20:59,134 I thought I'd bring over some beer 429 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,303 for you to wash them down with. 430 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,305 Thank you. Come in. 431 00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:06,508 Yeah. Thank you, I'll come in. 432 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:10,145 Oh, hello, Archie. 433 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:12,814 Don't... don't wet me, Edith. 434 00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,151 Archie, this is Polly's husband Ed. 435 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,553 Ed, this is my husband Archie. 436 00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,322 Yeah. Well, how do you do? 437 00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:24,192 I want to welcome you here to the neighborhood there... 438 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:25,560 - What was it, Fred? - Ed. 439 00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:27,328 - Ed. - Ed! Okay. Hey. 440 00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:30,666 Ed, Ed. Hey, it's in there forever. 441 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:33,135 Ha ha ha ha. 442 00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:34,502 Well, come sit down. 443 00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:35,804 We don't have any chairs, 444 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:38,740 but we do have a great window seat. 445 00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:42,744 Hey, yeah, yeah, hey. Many is the time when my family was there, 446 00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:46,036 we'd all be at that there window seat, I'm... 447 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:50,541 Ah, holy cow. 448 00:21:53,679 --> 00:21:57,726 Ah, well, actually, it was more of a... I couldn't help 449 00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:01,162 but glance at the fact there that you're wearing... 450 00:22:01,186 --> 00:22:02,620 a rod. 451 00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:06,968 D'you ever use that in your line of work? 452 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:10,305 Oh, once in a while. 453 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,507 But I sure hate pulling that trigger, though. 454 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:14,398 You do, huh? 455 00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,547 I hate spillin' blood. 456 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,804 Yeah, I agree with that. 457 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,809 They make us account for every bullet. 458 00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:33,150 You mean the mob is running short of money? 459 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,801 The city is. 460 00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:42,793 I'm with the police. I'm a detective. 461 00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:46,475 Oh, oh! That's... 462 00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:49,043 Oh, well, I mean, who could have knew there, hey? 463 00:22:49,067 --> 00:22:52,547 Hey, Edith, guess what I just figured out over here? 464 00:22:52,571 --> 00:22:55,117 The man is with the city police department. 465 00:22:55,141 --> 00:22:56,451 He's a detective, huh? 466 00:22:56,475 --> 00:22:58,553 - Oh, well, have a sandwich. - How do you like that? 467 00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:02,257 Well, it's great to have the law living right next door. 468 00:23:02,281 --> 00:23:05,060 Oh, listen. Being as you're a detective, see, 469 00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:07,062 and you're our new next-door neighbor, 470 00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:11,066 um, I... I wonder if... if I could ask 471 00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:15,003 whether there might be some possibility in the future 472 00:23:15,027 --> 00:23:17,072 that there would be an outside chance 473 00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:19,162 of maybe fixing a ticket? 474 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:26,036 You see, I got an open garbage can rap hanging over me. 475 00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:29,606 I'm in vice. 476 00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:35,312 Vice? Well, don't vice cover open garbage cans? 477 00:23:36,715 --> 00:23:39,016 No. Lids do. 478 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,999 I told you so. 479 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:46,157 Put a lid on it. 480 00:23:48,194 --> 00:23:49,438 POLLY: Have you had dinner? 481 00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:51,407 - No, I haven't. - Have a sandwich. 482 00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:54,009 - Those are ham and cheese. - I've been glancing down there. 483 00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:56,645 - How about some cold beer? - Great. 484 00:23:56,669 --> 00:23:58,680 - ED: I think I ought to have a beer. - Ain't this cozy? 485 00:23:58,704 --> 00:23:59,782 [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 486 00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:03,908 Oh, Archie, please don't do that. 487 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:22,560 [♪♪♪] 488 00:24:38,945 --> 00:24:41,389 All in the Family was played to a studio audience 489 00:24:41,413 --> 00:24:43,513 for live responses. 35064

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