Original subtitles

Um... Good morning, gang.

- Morning. - Good morning.

That, um... the app that sends you Amish dudes

to do... make your furniture and stuff.

Yeah, they're good.

They're also non-Amish at all, it turns out.

Uh, they don't have the funny beards?

No. They don't have the funny beards.

Hey, Jim. Jim, this just came in.

It looks like shit's going down.

From BLM.

- Yep. -Expect...

Burns are setting... - What?

Black Lives Matter are setting 40 to 50 fires...

- Lots of fires, yep. Mm-hmm. -...in Reno?

Fuck. -What do we do, Jim?

We... think! Shut up! We shut up and think!

Shut up, shut up.

Hey, you guys are in trou-- You guys are in trouble.

You're in trouble with us.

- Fuck. -Well, battle stations...

First of all battle stations.

- Let's get out the riots. - That's shields.

Let's get out the riots. Let's go.

Go, go, go.

- Get go. - What?

- What the hell? - Thank God you're here.

What's... What's the problem, guys?

It's just the Bureau of Land Management.

There's been a few controlled fires, it's all.

- Uh, BLM? - Yeah.

Bureau of Land Management. Is there trouble?

Nope.

-Good drill, guys. - Great drill.

We got to keep this clear by the way, guys.

- Yes, sir. - Yeah, of course, Greg.

You don't have to... Good. Hi.

Oh, my God!

Show of hands. How many of you have...

There was a second part

to the sentence. - Oh.

How many folks have... Tik Toks?

Tik, what?

Tik Tok accounts.

- Tik To-- - Oh, yeah.

Hey, Jim, just so you know,

they disappear right after they're done.

I've done so much fucked up... -You're thinking...

You're thinking of a different thing.

- No, no, no, they disappear. -Tik Toks don't disappear.

Don't tell me that. No, no, no, no, no.

Jim, what we do on our private time

is what we do on our private time.

I'm like a thousand percent sure they disappear.

This... this all of this...

Don't regulate this, Jim.

...belongs to the city.

I was doing a twerk shop to raise money...

for the children.

Is that wrong?

Well, the city's mad.

This is First Amendment stuff here.

What if I'm shooting something that's a non-profit?

Is your thang in it?

Is your thang in it? - Yeah.

Is your uniform in it?

Yeah.

You're not monetizing that?

It's for children for his not for profit.

So, yeah, his dick is in it, his uniform is in it.

He's trying to save the children.

U, what does the city have to say about that and why?

Did you ever get to the policy on Tik Toks?

Uh... I think it's anything goes.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. What it actually was... was,

if you're, uh, monetizing it, the city gets a cut.

That's what it was.

The Sheriff's Department retirement plan is...

It's shit. They don't give you anything.

Junior's only retirement...

You know, that Junior's saving up, uh, Camel Cash.

Jones has like, uh... sells like latch Christmas wreaths

and latch hooks and things that say inspirational stuff.

That's the only one that's successful.

That one's doing well.

But Cindy had a great plan.

Yeah, we are going to enter a dance circuit.

Meet your new favorite ballroom... seniors.

I make us qualified for the senior division

which is great news.

As of now, how much do we have this...

Well, Cindy keeps the money, but how much did you make?

Sixteen dollar seventy-five cent.

And a bunch of food coupons.

But if someone...

...starts hitting those steps, working on his full splits,

I think we got a chance.

I could... I could also probably concentrate better

if I wasn't just living in a constant threat of violence.

Breathe. Find your center, find your center.

You're not focusing.

Hmm. Hmm.

You're on your knees too early.

Yes, I'm on my knees too early.

You are... I'm a flamenco.

I know, I know. I know! I know!

Worshiping me. What happened to the worshiping part?

Intensity.

Sex appeal.

Why are you counting with your mouth?

They can see you when you do that.

See? You see what... - I really...

I really need to pee or have a water, please.

- Okay. - Dr. Coach, see? You see?

- Yes, no water. No water. - No water or pee

until you nail this.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Two, three...

I'm behind, I'm behind, I'm behind, I'm behind,

I'm behind, I'm behind.

I can't get on it, I can't get on it.

Are you two even in the same room?

Don't change a thing, Cindy. Make a K.

- This is what you do... - I'm making a K.

I'm down. - Down.

And it's just like, it's too hot.

That looks like you're waving a fart away.

Don't do that.

You're gonna love these.

- Thank you so much. - Enjoy. Enjoy those.

Oh, Mr. Alex, you lend them poppy seeds.

You just jump in... - Always a hit.

I noticed they don't have brownies.

If you're interested in brownie, we got brownies.

You know, an interesting thing about brownies

is a lot of that ends up being very processed,

uh, ingredients...

These are homemade.

They're not actually.

I bought them at the gas station.

I'm not gonna say anything bad about your baking.

It's your cause that I take issue with.

What do you teach?

Uh, I teach Geography and self-esteem.

Boring.

You should teach how to be a nerd.

Mr. Alex is the most amazing teacher.

You'd be lucky to even talk to him.

Mr. Alex, I, uh... - That's slave talk.

What?

When you use someone's first name with Mr...

My last name is Alex.

Uh, shit.

See, sensitivity training is a fucking waste of time.

Hey, fuck you, guys!

Fuck you, guys! - Yeah, fuck you, guys.

No, no. No, you guys.

That guy's my neighbor.

Can I... Can I help you?

I wanna... I wanna help you

because I got into teaching... to help.

I see you as students right now. I wanna help you.

I think part of the problem might be your advertising.

I don't wanna be a grammar republican,

but "it's time to support us cops"

next to...

I... I guess the clock that you draw as a dementia test?

Uh... 'Cause, see, it only goes up to ten, right?

So, like, if you were having a stroke, that's how we'd know,

is you would try to draw a clock

and this is what it will look like.

Wow!

"To support us cops" actually isn't right either.

And if you don't mind, I kind of want to diagram the sentence...

You know what? You know... I need to see your permit.

- Permit? - Per... A what?

Yeah. To sell in the park, you need a permit.

I'm going to need to see that.

We could probably overlook it

if you were to buy $75 worth of merch.

- Yep. - I could call the...

And it goes on your record.

-Yeah. - Okay, yeah. No, we wanna...

We don't need any more brownies. We don't need...

We don't want brownies.

We've got lots of other stuff here.

I mean, it would be getting a gun off the street.

Yeah, you know what? 'Cause...

We'll take the guns.

We got this.

Actually if they take all this,

we don't have to carry this shit home.

You know what? I'd rather not re-catalog it, so, yeah, here.

These don't have gluten, right?

- Crispies, I don't think so. - It's rice. It's rice.

Thanks, guys.

Wait for me.

- How you doing, sweetie? - Good.

You... You're not allowed to fly these just anywhere.

I think you have to be an actual FAA pilot.

I need you to land it.

All right.

Put it down. That's right.

Put it down. Just put it down.

Whoa! Shit.

Shit.

Stop it.

Stop right now, please.

Stop it!

Shit.

That's what you get.

- Cool stuff. - Can you see my back fat?

-Do you wanna pick it up? - Should I make it higher

or is it better...

I want it to be evident, but not overly...

So you can tell I'm a senior still.

- Relatable. - You wanna know

he's a relatable senior.

Chicken coop, chicken coop.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Get ready to explode.

Back to work. - I got hurt. I got hurt.

Leg cramp. No doctor for you until you nail it.

Forget... It's gone, it's gone.

- Are you proud of yourself? - No.

Proud of your performance today?

No, I was terrible.

So simple, put your feet down, be on fire.

That's all we ask.

- Cindy gets it. - Why am I not doing it?

So why am I not doing it if it's so simple apparently?

You feel like you deserve a drink of water?

- I don't. - For that performance?

- Dancers drink water. - Does...

Can I at least use the real bathroom though?

No.

You can use a real bathroom,

when you become a real dancer. - That's right.

That's what she says.

Jim is passionate. Jim is driven.

Jim brings energy. Jim brings face.

That is why we are kicking him out.

He's going on his own journey. - Mm-hmm.

And we are going directly...

to the Truckee Valley Senior Center.

Watch out.

- Are you ready, Cindy? - Dr. and Cindy.

Okay.

One, two, three, and hit!

Apparently, I'm... I'm out of the dance squad.

Uh, they told me via text, but, um...

you know, bad news for my retirement plan.

But... I mean, I'm actually fine 'cause I'm... retirement...

retirement is almost... almost three years away from me.

Mandatory retirement.

- Check, check, check.

That working over there Jones? - Yeah.

- All right. - You gonna do it?

- Yeah, you should... - Okay.

Hey, hey, Don. Come on in.

How are you?

I understand you boys lookin' for something?

We're looking for... We're looking for organs.

- Oh, you looking for organs. - Bring in that body part.

All right. Now I can get you whatever you want.

You want a kidney, I get you kidney.

You want a lung, I get you a lung.

You get me a lung.

You want a spleen, I get you a spleen.

But is that on a black market or what?

No, that's on eBay, motherfucker.

Of course it's on the black market.

- How much is it? - The fuck you talkin' about

is it on the black market?

No, that's an antsy motherfucking kidney.

What the fuck is he talking about?

He didn't mean that. How many of these kidneys have you sold?

I mean, how do I know?

That it work? - I'm sorry. This motherfuck--

- You lookin' for references? - You know what?

No. No. Wait, I'm just saying how many?

I don't know. - You need to stop, okay?

S-T-O...

Okay, I'm sorry. I thought I'd come...

You just relax.

I'm gonna go get you a goodie bag.

We're relaxed. You relax.

All right. All right.

My god.

- That's a human man. - That's a human man.

Well, what the hell?

How else do you think I'm gonna get organs, bitch?

It's fresh, you know. These are fresh organs.

Yeah, of course it's fresh. You're alive.

Wait, I thought this was gonna be just like a smorgasbord

where you're wrapped and labeled.

What do you think this is? Like a sushi restaurant

where I'm flying shit in from Japan and keeping it on ice.

I need money, you know.

It's a lot of money too, gentlemen.

Wait, how much you makin'?

Uh, hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars.

Hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars?

Hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars.

He get in a whole scoop.

I'll give you my kidney for $125,000.

That's way more money than I make a year.

Yeah, me too.

Listen, dude, I don't want this for you.

I got an alimony.

Well, I... I need the money more than you do.

For what?

You think a cop makes enough money

to pay for a TV...

No, this cop owes a lot in alimony.

- Shit. - Look what you did.

You make him leave.

Don lose all my money. You did it.

Snoop!

Snoop!

Drug sniffing dog got out last night.

Been looking all over for him.

There was a fish tribute band playing in the park,

and he was just going nuts.

Left the door open.

Snoop!

This will usually get him back.

If he gets a whiff of this, he just goes nuts.

Snoop!

Snoop dog.

Snoop!

You know, they never ever should have legalized this shit.

Used to be such an easy bust.

Snoop!

Now that it's legal, it's like, it's all just regulation.

You gotta... measure how much they got.

If they got more than an ounce, you got to fine them.

Now it's like regulating, uh, fishing permits.

Now it's like measuring bass.

You should be, like, chasin' bootleggers.

It's fun.

Like Dukes of Hazzard.

The thing about Dukes of Hazzard

is everybody criticizes Rosco's driving,

but that... the poor police work involved wasn't just driving.

Everybody knew where the Duke boys live.

Why didn't you just go to the house,

and serve a warrant?

Poor police work.

If there's anything that you take away today, Frank,

is that Dukes of Hazzard was fucked up.

It didn't make any sense.

You would cut Boss Hogg in

and he would be part of the bootleg operation...

and save on gas.

Maybe they did cut Boss Hogg in, I don't really remember.

Aah!

Oh, it's a beautiful day.

You're not allowed to take, uh, your bike in the elevator,

it turns out.

Aah!

That guy was not very nice.

Didn't know. Didn't know you can't take a bike

in an elevator, and I wasn't trying to be a dick.

Now I've got to do this.

His name is Jim.

They call him Jim.

Sheriff's Department.

Thank God. Thank God you're here. Thank God.

I was supposed to close two hours ago.

This bachelorette party. They won't leave!

Look at this. They racked up $3,500 bill.

- No. - Yes, yes.

Hey, ladies!

Ladies in the house.

Yeah, you havin' fun?

Oh, my God. So you guys are here to serve us.

- Ladies. - Ladies.

What?

You got $3,500 tab.

So I suggest... - Don't you dare.

Don't you dare. Don't you dare.

Hello, ladies.

There he is. Take it off.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - Ladies. Ladies. Ladies.

That's not what's gonna happen.

He's not taking anything off. - Let me get a good look at it.

That's my boyfriend.

You're past your time and you're going right now!

Stop that. Stop fighting.

Get 'em, ladies.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come with me. Fan out.

Oh, God.

Was that in the car?

Yeah, front seat.

Was the car locked?

- No. - Shit, that's on me.

That's no way to act.

Your dad, he's...

They cut the fuse.

Why is it dark?

Did they get the fire alarm?

- They must have. - Shit.

Shit.

What's that?

- Shitty music. - Shania Twain.

Fuck.

What is that?

Southern Comfort.

Shit.

Keep it together. - Keep it together.

Keep it together.

- Shit. - What was that?

Stop it. Stop it.

Now we're freaking ourselves out.

Dangle.

- Shit. - One o'clock.

Jim, they're probably getting stronger.

Do you want me to taste it to make sure?

Yeah, yeah.

Mm. It's exactly what it looks like.

Shit.

Fire!

Oh, shit, shit, shit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

My bad. My bad.

I'm sorry. - How dare you have the right?

-Okay, I'm sorry. - Hey, guys.

This is Deputy Raineesha Williams

from the Reno Sheriff's Department,

here to talk to you about distracted driving.

You're behind the wheel,

but you want to send your friend a quick text to say

her butt look cute in her Insta post.

Well, what you should never do...

Shit. Hold on.

No way...

I am not going over there.

Keisha's boyfriend Darrell

is always with her.

Sorry about that.

If you absolutely have to text while you're driving,

then send an emoji.

I mean, they're quick and...

Shit. One--

Didn't you date him in high school?

No.

Hell no.

You thinking of Leah.

Uh...

So sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Where was I?

Uh...

Uh... Right. Um...

Do not under any circumstances leave...

your unwanted pets at the...

at the Sheriff Station 'cause... trust me...

we don't want them any more than you do.

Hey, do you have Leon's number?

He's been looking good on Instagram.

No, no. Nothing. Never mind.

Who's that?

They're all around us, man.

- I'm not gonna die here. - They're all around us, man.

Let's...

It's a blender.

That is... ten meters.

Five meters.

- Three meters. - Are we following it

or is it following us?

Get behind me.

Sheriff's Department.

Dildos, dildos, dildos!

We got... We got one! We got one!

Hey, buddy.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Where's Dangle?

Where's Dangle? Jim. Where's Dangle?

Dang-- Dangle?

They got me with a whole heart of margarita.

Jesus Christ.

Ans the... And then the double...

- Double dildo. - They got me with the double...

- What are we gonna do, man? -Travis.

Take... Take it.

Just take it. Take it.

Pay with the credit card?

You heard him. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

I got one. I got one.

Oh! Ooh.

I'm in love with you.

Oh, my God. The barf breath.

Uh, the Reno Sheriff's Department

would like to take care of their tab, please.

Sure.

Uh, normally we do ask for a gratuity...

You know what? Thanks. - Just give it.

Actually I'll take a Mai Tai, I guess.

The bar's closed.