Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

- 6-80 to 90 ten four.

Whoo!

Ah!

Oh!

Holy shit!

Go!

Shall we pray?

Oh, Lord Jesus, God. all:

As Barbara said in Corinthians 16:12,

come unst to me Jesus, but not in the eye.

I love you, Lord Jesus.

I ask you to give these fine officers of the law

an open mind, Lord,

so they can see the light in the pitch,

which I'm about to bestow unto them.

- Mm. - Amen.

- Amen. - Okay.

Um, so everybody remembers, uh, the Reverend Gigg LeCarp.

I should have introduced him. That was just weird.

Um, anyway, thanks for coming, Gig.

Now, God has asked me to bring to Reno...

Mm-hmm? Mm?

A Christian water park. Halleluiah!

Hey, hey, yeah!

Hey, hey, yeah! - We could have a--

a ten story-high water slide,

all right?

And we'll call it Beelzebub's Waterfall from Grace.

Oh!

The kids will love it!

Petting Zoo! Two-by-two in the Petting Zoo.

There you go.

Yeah, two-by-two in the Petting Zoo.

Oh, and then you can have an area

where you can pit-- for a dollar,

you can get a stone and throw it at people.

Oh, this is all good! And for the adults,

late at night, when the kids go to bed,

or it could be a Heavy Petting Zoo.

What was that thing where the man

made all them people drink that Kool-Aid, huh?

all: Jonestown?

And then people lay down on the ground.

I believe that his name was Jim Jeffries.

Remember when Jim Jeffries got all those people?

Yes, so that's...

And they had the Jell-O shots.

And you're sure it was Jim Jeffries?

You know how I know?

Because I signed up to go there,

and they left without me.

Hey, Gig,

what is the swimsuit policy at the whole park?

Adam and Eve it!

Boom. That's exactly what I was getting at.

- Garden of Eden. - Or is there--

A nude Christian water park? Now you're talking!

Just to keep it exciting,

once you're there, once a day, sirens go off.

all: Mm-hmm?

And it's like, "Plague, plague, plague."

And then--wave pool!

And some people don't make it out.

- Oh, I love that. I love that. - So you don't know.

And they're floatin' around you.

I feel like that and the Kool-Aid idea aren't insured--

That's just dead bodies.

And then we have a rib place, like, to get barbecue ribs,

but it's all, like, Adam, and all the waiters would have

T-shirts with like a hole in it, like oops!

With a hole in it. Bloody-blood-blood kinda blood.

And then hookers could wash your feet.

I like that idea.

This gets better and better.

Preacher, can I say one thing that's weird?

The only thing that Reno has already four of,

are places where hookers wash your feet.

- That's true. That's true. - Yeah.

I was thinking, and I truly believe...

Okay.

Since God wants this to happen...

- Yeah. - That if we all

worked together... - Uh-huh?

Okay? We work together.

Okay.

- We could raise enough money-- - Uh-huh?

Make this a reality.

By doing what?

- We--we-- - Yes.

- Have a retirement plan. - Okay.

And lately, it's been getting its ass kicked.

I'm saying, if we all agree to collectively

put our retirement money

into something that seems like an amazing idea--

- This seems like a no-brainer. - It seems like a no-brainer.

- This is better. - A no-brainer.

I didn't even know I had it.

all: [chanting] No-brainer. - If you lose money gambling,

the best thing to do is keep gambling.

Double down.

You'd be guaranteed a percentage.

A percentage?

I'm listening.

- It would go like this. - Wow.

Go up like that.

Yeah, like a--like a pyramid.

If you in it, raise your hand.

I'll hand you my social security right now.

I say fuck that.

I'm gonna give you my whole house right now.

All of it. - I love it.

In our new spirit of inclusion,

ni hao ma...

And buenas dias.

And also bonjour.

And kalimera I have to say now, to our Greek friends.

Apparently,

I have to say kalimera or you don't feel included.

Okay. We did it. We did it.

So, uh, we did it. Good morning.

Uh, gonna do a prick-- uh, quick--did I say prick?

Well, you'll get me for that too, won't you now?

- Max Logan still broadcastin'

on the White Genocide Radio Hour.

Now you know I'm live at Champy's Pizza here in Reno,

where of course the SJWs can't get a--

can't get a good night's sleep

unless your children are near a penis.

That's why they've opened a unisex bathroom.

- Sheriff's Department! - Sheriff's Department.

Here we go. We've got a couple of members of the, uh,

deep state comin' on in here. - Oh, come on!

No. both: Come on!

Man, come on! The deep state?

They wanna get me outside so that more kids

will go into that bathroom and be exposed to a huge,

veiny, throbbing, muscular penis

the size of a flashlight!

Is there someone with a penis like that in there right now?

Well, if you need to--guys.

You can't be on private property.

Oh, I can't be on private property?

Go back to your basement.

I'm sorry that I'm interrupting Baghdad Betty's--

- Oh! - Baghdad Betty's...

both: Hate speech. Hate speech. - Attempt to, uh,

to expose your children to penises.

This is how you dismantle

the Christian capitalist government.

First you blur the lines of sexuality.

Mm.

Then, the paper straws.

Why're they making straws out of paper?

To protect the turtles in the sea.

To make less paper available for the printing of books.

These straws suck, by the way.

Guys, shh.

I need to do a quick advert. - Yes, sir.

Uh, for the White Genocide Radio Hour listeners,

go to the website

and buy our new paper straws made from redwood trees.

Only made exclusively

from endangered old-growth redwood trees.

Leave your mark on the Earth with a redwood tree straw.

Sorry, what were you guys sayin'?

Can we take down the SJWs outside?

Yeah, can we take it outside? This is a--

you're in a pub-- this is a thoroughfare.

They're trying to get me outside--

Hey, you guys! You guys, you gotta come real quick.

They're trying to change Andrew Jackson Boulevard

to Michelle Obama Way.

God damn it. It's starting.

It's starting!

Gater, we're goin' mobile! Let's go!

- Thank you, Trudy. - You're welcome.

Sheriff's Department!

Sheriff's Department.

You reported a crime on your doorbell camera?

Probably just a guy in a hoodie.

It's always just a guy in a hoodie.

Sheriff's Department!

Going, going, nope. Okay.

Call the fire department next time.

Can't be here all day, guys.

I can't be there all day. I got stuff to do.

Your doorbell camera is not deputized.

Who would do this? Who would do this?

Why? Why!

Gah!

Why!

It's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here!

all:

- Wow. - Oh!

Oh!

- Oh. - All right.

- What? - Okay, I thought it would be--

I thought it would be-- I thought

it was like one of those new-- the bigger ones.

- Wow. - Wow.

I thought it would be silver for some reason.

- Junior sized. - Windows open.

Oh, it's a roll-- it's a--it's a roll up.

It's a rollie down.

- Oh. - Yeah, we didn't pay

for the ex-- that was an extra package.

Just roll it down?

I didn't know they still made rollie downs.

It feels kinda like bein' in a cat carrier?

That's right.

Like I would imagine being in a cat carrier?

It also--I mean, in many ways,

it also looks-- looks like it too, so...

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

Ignition on.

Step back because it's probably gonna start up.

Step back, if it starts--

Everybody ready-- wait, wait, wait.

I found it! I found it! I found it!

Ready? - Yup.

- Oh. - Oh. Oh, wow.

It sounds kind of like it's apologizing.

Shots fired. We have a 10-53.

- What? Shit. - Officer down.

Requesting back up. - All right, got it.

- All right! - You got this, Jimbo!

Whoo!

Go get him! What's he doing?

- Do we need another ba-- - Oh, my God, it's plugged in.

- You're still plugged in! - You're still plugged in!

You're still plugged in! I got it.

It's still plugged in. It's still plugged in.

all:

Can you guys help me? Everything I own is in there.

Yeah. Yup. All right. You got it?

Here. Toss it. Toss it.

- All right, you got it? - Oh, Jesus.

- Huhhgh! - Huh-hagh!

- Oh. Yeah. Be careful. Okay. - It's here. Got it.

Do you have all the attachments for the blender?

I need all the attachments. Thank you so much, guys.

Ah, I've got the laptop!

- I got the laptop! - Okay, perfect.

Oh, wait, shit! No! Oh, fuck!

Thank you so much, guys.

Get away from here.

Whew!

Thanks, y'all. Thank you!

Who was that?

Oh, my God! My house is on fire!

Guys, help me get some of my stuff out.

I got a blender, electronics up there.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my goodness! My TV!

So, we give a lot of tickets for people doin' stuff

like jerkin' off in public.

And things you shouldn't really do.

So today we thought we'd do a new program that we call

Operation--

both: Frown upside-down.

We were gonna do that together, but--

Yeah, it's fine.

We are gonna give this man a ticket but a ticket to a--

both: A movie! - Ha, ha!

It's called "Book Club Bandit$."

And get this-- the S is a dollar sign.

And, uh, it's starring, um,

Jennifer Lopez and Awkwafina, who I absolutely love.

Watch us blow this guy's mind.

Sheriff's Department!

Back away from my car!

Oh! Holy shit! Oh!

Sir, I'm trying to give you free popcorn,

you motherfucker!

So every year, the Reno Sheriff's Department

does a toy drive for the kids at Christmas time.

And this year, some sick asshole wrote

"sex toy drive" on the side of the box.

- Ha, ha. - Yeah. Hilarious.

So now we get to go through the box

and separate the sex toys from the real toys.

What's this? - I mean, I see something

obvious right here that's a toy.

Mm-kay. All right.

Uh-huh.

That looks like a wallet.

- Yeah, that's not-- - Hm.

- What is that? - I know what it is.

It don't look like nothin' for kids.

I don't know what it is.

We don't want kids to--to touch that.

It wasn't zipped. Okay. Next.

Disgusting!

- Ew! Ew! Ew! - Disgusting!

- Gross! Oh! - Know what they use that for?

- Yeah. - Ugh!

Oh, I thought it was-- for jump rope.

And I always hated that game.

It was unwrapped, so it goes in the biohazard thing.

Oh. - Well, that's fun.

A gun. Another nice fun gun for the kids to play with.

- That's fun for the kids. - Right.

- My turn. - Oh.

- Oh, that's cute. - That's very cute.

Although, you know what?

I've seen people fuck bears like this before.

Yeah. That's true.

I like it. I say keep it.

Let's put it in the maybe pile.

Let's put it in the maybe pile. - Keep it for the kids.

I could see someone putting that in their ass.

You guys, another fun gun for the kids.

That's cute 'cause I like that it looks like wood.

This was getting to be a successful toy drive.

Huh.

Oh, that's elegant.

It says you stick it up your butt.

Right.

I think this is a video game thing.

Oh, where you, like, try and fuck the characters?

Yeah, something like that.

It says super joystick. Like "joy" stick.

Yeah. Like, somebody's dick and stuff.

Uh, hey, ladies?

Has anybody seen my giggle pistol?

It's like a little multi-colored gun

and you can put, uh, nitrous in it

and somebody shoots it up your butt while you jerk off?

- Oh. - Oh, yeah. There it is.

- This thing? - It's orange?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, thank you.

Good thing you got here when you did.

And my dick stretcher. How did that get in there?

Thank you, guys. ♪ We're goin' out tonight ♪

♪ I'm putting nitrous up my butt ♪

♪ I'm gonna shoot my giggle gun ♪

♪ I'm gonna stretch out my dick ♪

- No! - You get out!

No! I--there's no--

- You're ruining love! - There's no reason--

Sheriff's Department.

Gary. Gary, what now?

What now?

This is unacceptable behavior.

- Settle down. - I saw a story on the news.

- He's-- - Uh-huh?

Where this heathen is making gay wedding cakes.

Gay.

That is a disgrace before God!

Two fellas with their boners

getting all close to each other?

Is this what you're up-- you're upset about this?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, you should come for a weekend with me.

If you're worried about this, Gary--

you've gotta forget it, man.

If you'll make this cake, what other kinda cakes

are you gonna make? You gonna make a cake with--

I'll make whatever cake somebody asks me to make.

- Okay. - I make bachelorette cakes.

She makes amazing bachelorette cakes.

She makes some good dirty cakes.

Yeah, what she does with coconut hair...

You just do what people ask you.

I would like a cake of Hillary Clinton

taking a shit on the Constitution.

- I-- - I can do that.

Okay.

- Really? - Yeah.

Great! I would love to see this.

I can do raisinets for poops.

On the tier above it, I would love there to be

some sort of like hell pit, where George Soros

kind of looms out of his Jew layer.

And he's just like, "I'm taking over!"

What if she's pooping on your precious second amendment?

- Oh, there it is! - Because she would love--

she wants to take your guns away.

- I can do--whatever. - Now we've got a theme.

- Now we have a theme! - Yeah.

And it's charming. That's what a cake should be.

It should be charming.

How about she has, um,

Obama's fake birth certificate that she's about to wipe...

Yeah! Whoo!

- Wipe her crazy ass with that. - Yeah!

- I don't do that. - Okay.

So she's got a long form birth certificate?

- Yeah. - Was that ever found?

I don't have one here, but have you guys--

Oh, no. It will never be found.

Okay, okay. So that's the joke.

That's a goof, funny goof, but down here,

could it be the lopped-off heads

of the fake news media down there?

- Stop it! I-- - Oh!

Oh, my God. I'm like this right now.

Is there a way we can show

that NASA's making everybody Muslim?

As a sheet cake, and I feel like the way

that you get that across on a sheet cake is you say,

"NASA's making everybody Muslims."

- Oh. - Just like, just say it.

- Just say it. - Right.

- I like the simplicity of that. - Yeah.

It shows Hillary.

She's pooping on the precious second amendment.

Yeah.

She's also selling off little babies for sexual torture.

And then we've got this cake-- - And then we just

talk about the flavors of the layers.

And then could we get

just like a bunch of little cupcakes on the side?

Oh, that's fun.

'Cause you'd be thinking about presentation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they could spell out something like either

"Epstein didn't kill himself" or--

I'd love to get this by Sunday

so I could bring it to church.

- You can do it. - Almost doin' it.

You can do it.

- You know what's amazing? - You can do it.

I didn't even know that Senegal made cars.

They stopped.

Oh, was it--so we got-- we're lucky.

- Yeah. - That we got this one.

Right under the wire before that recall.

- Oh, man. - Oh, shit.

- Oh, shit! - Should we just back away?

- Okay. - Turn around.

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. How do you do this?

- No, thank you! - You got my leg.

I'm caught on you. You're caught on me?

Frank, you gotta move your leg

or I can't move my leg. - I gotta--

You almost missed the whole parade.

Hey, Jackie. How you doin' today?

We're gonna have a whole parade!

Whoa, whoa, calm down. Calm down. Cal down.

What happened to your eyeball?

Somebody took my glass eye.

Somebody took your glass eye?

- Oh. - Yeah, on my birthday!

- You didn't just lose it? - On my--on my 23rd birthday!

You didn't just lose your glass eye?

I'm gonna look around for the eyeball, okay?

And I said, "Sure, you can borrow my eye,

you poor fat fuck," and then he ran off with it!

What color, uh,

what color's your eyeball's glass eye?

I don't--how the fuck am I supposed to know?

It's usually in my eye!

I was just getting ready to start my own business,

I opened up a pet shop. And then I had seven--

You're not running a pet shop, Jackie.

There's all kinds of registration you've gotta do.

You've gotta get your license. - I did it the hard way!

Okay, all right! All right! Whoa!

- Whoa. Jackie, whoa. - I had seven rats in a box.

And all them fuckers, all them fuckers decided

they had better places to be.

You know what people called and said that you were doing?

What?

What do you think--what do you think people called--

do you want to play-- Charades it?

- Okay. - Let's Charades it. Ready?

Uh, crack pot.

How did he get that so fast?

Um, havin' sausages for breakfast.

I didn't even have sausage for breakfast in like six years!

So don't even try! - Yep, yep, yep.

You got the wrong lady. You know why?

I do?

Because I always do a little bit of meth.

And then I do a little bit of this.

But then I always go back to do more meth.

And you skipped that part.

Do you wanna try to get her in the vehicle?

I don't. - Not really.

- Not really either. - Uh-uh.

Jackie, you know what makes me sad?

What's that?

You used to at least run sometimes.

Yeah. Well, I'm 23 now.

I know.

I don't have the kind of mobility like I used to.

- Okay. Hang on. Hang on. - Hey! This is nice!

This is like a hot tub without all the water.

Bye, everybody. Bye, Santa.

Wow, this THC space cake tastes great.

But I don't feel high at all

and it's been almost three minutes.

I'm gonna eat the other half.

Hey, kids.

In the last 30 years,

the science of recreational marijuana has hit its zenith.

So before you take that other half of anything,

remember this easy motto.

Stop dropping and roll with it.

Stop dropping and roll with it?

See how the first half is before you double down.

When you take the other half,

you risk side effects like...

And of course...

Wow, those sound like a real bummer.

I'ma put this other half of a space cake

somewhere safe.

And take it in at some later date.

That's the spirit. It's easy to remember.

Stop dropping and roll with it.

Because nobody wants...

both: To turn into a glass skeleton

and have lizard thoughts.

Oh, shit.

This reminds me of my last birthday.

I'm not lettin' go of this loofah.

You'd better believe that.

Ah! That's someone trying to take my hair!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Away from here.

Oh, hey, Carl!

- Oh, shit. - How's your mom?

You stay, I'll push. You stay and I'll push it.

She didn't look so good the last time I saw her.

I'm gonna be honest with you.

She's gotta keep takin' those pills for her rickets.

Turn it, turn it. There we go.

Will it start if I jump in?

- Yep, I got it! - You got it?

Hey! This isn't a birthday parade!

Shit, it stalled again. Stalled but we're goin' down--

- She's going down. Whee! - Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!