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♪ MTV ♪
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{\an8}- 6-80 to 90 ten four.
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Whoo!
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{\an8}Ah!
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Oh!
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{\an8}Holy shit!
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{\an8}Go!
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{\an8}Shall we pray?
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Oh, Lord Jesus, God.
all:
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As Barbara said
in Corinthians 16:12,
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come unst to me Jesus,
but not in the eye.
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I love you, Lord Jesus.
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I ask you to give
these fine officers of the law
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an open mind, Lord,
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so they can see
the light in the pitch,
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which I'm about
to bestow unto them.
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- Mm.
- Amen.
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- Amen.
- Okay.
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Um, so everybody remembers,
uh, the Reverend Gigg LeCarp.
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I should have introduced him.
That was just weird.
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Um, anyway,
thanks for coming, Gig.
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Now, God has asked me
to bring to Reno...
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Mm-hmm?
Mm?
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A Christian water park.
Halleluiah!
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Hey, hey, yeah!
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Hey, hey, yeah!
- We could have a--
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a ten story-high water slide,
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all right?
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00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,523
And we'll call it Beelzebub's
Waterfall from Grace.
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Oh!
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The kids will love it!
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Petting Zoo! Two-by-two
in the Petting Zoo.
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There you go.
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Yeah, two-by-two
in the Petting Zoo.
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Oh, and then
you can have an area
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where you can pit--
for a dollar,
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you can get a stone
and throw it at people.
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Oh, this is all good!
And for the adults,
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late at night,
when the kids go to bed,
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or it could be
a Heavy Petting Zoo.
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What was that thing
where the man
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made all them people drink
that Kool-Aid, huh?
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all: Jonestown?
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And then people
lay down on the ground.
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I believe that his name
was Jim Jeffries.
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Remember when Jim Jeffries
got all those people?
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Yes, so that's...
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And they had
the Jell-O shots.
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And you're sure
it was Jim Jeffries?
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You know how I know?
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Because I signed up
to go there,
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and they left without me.
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Hey, Gig,
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what is the swimsuit policy
at the whole park?
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Adam and Eve it!
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Boom. That's exactly
what I was getting at.
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- Garden of Eden.
- Or is there--
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A nude Christian water park?
Now you're talking!
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Just to keep it exciting,
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once you're there,
once a day, sirens go off.
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all: Mm-hmm?
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And it's like,
"Plague, plague, plague."
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And then--wave pool!
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And some people
don't make it out.
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- Oh, I love that. I love that.
- So you don't know.
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And they're floatin'
around you.
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I feel like that and the
Kool-Aid idea aren't insured--
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That's just dead bodies.
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And then we have a rib place,
like, to get barbecue ribs,
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but it's all, like, Adam,
and all the waiters would have
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T-shirts with like
a hole in it, like oops!
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With a hole in it.
Bloody-blood-blood kinda blood.
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And then hookers
could wash your feet.
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I like that idea.
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This gets better and better.
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Preacher, can I say one thing
that's weird?
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The only thing that Reno
has already four of,
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are places where hookers
wash your feet.
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- That's true. That's true.
- Yeah.
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I was thinking,
and I truly believe...
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Okay.
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Since God wants
this to happen...
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- Yeah.
- That if we all
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worked together...
- Uh-huh?
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Okay?
We work together.
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Okay.
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- We could raise enough money--
- Uh-huh?
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Make this a reality.
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By doing what?
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- We--we--
- Yes.
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- Have a retirement plan.
- Okay.
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And lately, it's been
getting its ass kicked.
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I'm saying, if we all agree
to collectively
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put our retirement money
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into something that seems
like an amazing idea--
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- This seems like a no-brainer.
- It seems like a no-brainer.
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00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,507
- This is better.
- A no-brainer.
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I didn't even know I had it.
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all: [chanting] No-brainer.
- If you lose money gambling,
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00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,280
the best thing to do
is keep gambling.
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Double down.
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You'd be guaranteed
a percentage.
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A percentage?
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I'm listening.
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- It would go like this.
- Wow.
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Go up like that.
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Yeah, like a--like a pyramid.
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If you in it,
raise your hand.
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00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:21,493
I'll hand you my
social security right now.
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I say fuck that.
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I'm gonna give you
my whole house right now.
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All of it.
- I love it.
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{\an8}In our new spirit
of inclusion,
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{\an8}ni hao ma...
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And buenas dias.
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And also bonjour.
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And kalimera I have to say now,
to our Greek friends.
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Apparently,
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I have to say kalimera
or you don't feel included.
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Okay. We did it. We did it.
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So, uh, we did it.
Good morning.
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Uh, gonna do a prick--
uh, quick--did I say prick?
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Well, you'll get me
for that too, won't you now?
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{\an8}- Max Logan still broadcastin'
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{\an8}on the White Genocide
Radio Hour.
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{\an8}Now you know I'm live
at Champy's Pizza here in Reno,
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{\an8}where of course
the SJWs can't get a--
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{\an8}can't get a good night's sleep
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{\an8}unless your children
are near a penis.
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{\an8}That's why they've opened
a unisex bathroom.
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- Sheriff's Department!
- Sheriff's Department.
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Here we go. We've got
a couple of members of the, uh,
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deep state comin' on in here.
- Oh, come on!
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No.
both: Come on!
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Man, come on!
The deep state?
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They wanna get me outside
so that more kids
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will go into that bathroom
and be exposed to a huge,
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veiny, throbbing,
muscular penis
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the size of a flashlight!
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00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:54,252
Is there someone with a penis
like that in there right now?
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Well, if you need to--guys.
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You can't be on
private property.
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Oh, I can't be
on private property?
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Go back to your basement.
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I'm sorry that I'm
interrupting Baghdad Betty's--
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00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,696
- Oh!
- Baghdad Betty's...
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00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,198
both: Hate speech. Hate speech.
- Attempt to, uh,
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to expose your children
to penises.
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This is how you dismantle
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the Christian
capitalist government.
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First you blur
the lines of sexuality.
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Mm.
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Then, the paper straws.
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Why're they making straws
out of paper?
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To protect the turtles
in the sea.
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To make less paper available
for the printing of books.
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These straws suck,
by the way.
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Guys, shh.
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I need to do a quick advert.
- Yes, sir.
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{\an8}Uh, for the White Genocide
Radio Hour listeners,
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{\an8}go to the website
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00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:37,896
{\an8}and buy our new paper straws
made from redwood trees.
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{\an8}Only made exclusively
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00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:42,734
{\an8}from endangered
old-growth redwood trees.
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{\an8}Leave your mark on the Earth
with a redwood tree straw.
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Sorry,
what were you guys sayin'?
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Can we take down
the SJWs outside?
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Yeah, can we take it outside?
This is a--
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you're in a pub--
this is a thoroughfare.
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They're trying
to get me outside--
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Hey, you guys! You guys,
you gotta come real quick.
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They're trying to change
Andrew Jackson Boulevard
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to Michelle Obama Way.
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God damn it.
It's starting.
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{\an8}It's starting!
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{\an8}Gater, we're goin' mobile!
Let's go!
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- Thank you, Trudy.
- You're welcome.
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{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
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Sheriff's Department.
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You reported a crime
on your doorbell camera?
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Probably just a guy
in a hoodie.
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It's always just a guy
in a hoodie.
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Sheriff's Department!
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Going, going, nope.
Okay.
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Call the fire department
next time.
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Can't be here all day, guys.
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I can't be there all day.
I got stuff to do.
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Your doorbell camera
is not deputized.
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Who would do this?
Who would do this?
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Why?
Why!
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Gah!
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Why!
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{\an8}It's here, it's here, it's
here, it's here, it's here!
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{\an8}all:
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00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,371
{\an8}- Wow.
- Oh!
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Oh!
197
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:01,840
- Oh.
- All right.
198
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,675
- What?
- Okay, I thought it would be--
199
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:04,976
I thought it would be--
I thought
200
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,912
it was like one of those new--
the bigger ones.
201
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,213
- Wow.
- Wow.
202
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,681
I thought it would be silver
for some reason.
203
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:12,818
- Junior sized.
- Windows open.
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00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,054
Oh, it's a roll--
it's a--it's a roll up.
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00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,656
It's a rollie down.
206
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,190
- Oh.
- Yeah, we didn't pay
207
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,892
for the ex--
that was an extra package.
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00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,694
Just roll it down?
209
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:24,696
I didn't know they still made
rollie downs.
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00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:27,132
It feels kinda like bein'
in a cat carrier?
211
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,500
That's right.
212
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,868
Like I would imagine
being in a cat carrier?
213
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,336
It also--I mean,
in many ways,
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00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:32,737
it also looks--
looks like it too, so...
215
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,072
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
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00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,907
Ignition on.
217
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,709
Step back because
it's probably gonna start up.
218
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,644
Step back, if it starts--
219
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,845
Everybody ready--
wait, wait, wait.
220
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:42,514
I found it!
I found it! I found it!
221
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:43,848
Ready?
- Yup.
222
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:48,586
- Oh.
- Oh. Oh, wow.
223
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,089
It sounds kind of like
it's apologizing.
224
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,958
Shots fired.
We have a 10-53.
225
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,292
- What? Shit.
- Officer down.
226
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:55,593
Requesting back up.
- All right, got it.
227
00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,629
- All right!
- You got this, Jimbo!
228
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,297
Whoo!
229
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:01,099
Go get him!
What's he doing?
230
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,701
- Do we need another ba--
- Oh, my God, it's plugged in.
231
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,803
- You're still plugged in!
- You're still plugged in!
232
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:06,137
You're still plugged in!
I got it.
233
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:07,472
It's still plugged in.
It's still plugged in.
234
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,507
all:
235
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,950
{\an8}Can you guys help me?
Everything I own is in there.
236
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,885
{\an8}Yeah. Yup. All right.
You got it?
237
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:22,887
Here.
Toss it. Toss it.
238
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,456
- All right, you got it?
- Oh, Jesus.
239
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,225
- Huhhgh!
- Huh-hagh!
240
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,427
- Oh. Yeah. Be careful. Okay.
- It's here. Got it.
241
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,029
Do you have all the
attachments for the blender?
242
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,765
I need all the attachments.
Thank you so much, guys.
243
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,734
Ah, I've got the laptop!
244
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,602
- I got the laptop!
- Okay, perfect.
245
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,637
Oh, wait, shit! No!
Oh, fuck!
246
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:40,905
Thank you so much, guys.
247
00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:43,375
Get away from here.
248
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,809
Whew!
249
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,612
Thanks, y'all. Thank you!
250
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,081
Who was that?
251
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:52,317
Oh, my God!
My house is on fire!
252
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,818
Guys, help me get
some of my stuff out.
253
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,154
I got a blender,
electronics up there.
254
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,690
Oh, my gosh.
255
00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:00,492
Oh, my goodness!
My TV!
256
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:08,366
{\an8}So, we give a lot of tickets
for people doin' stuff
257
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,602
{\an8}like jerkin' off in public.
258
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,103
And things
you shouldn't really do.
259
00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:13,972
So today we thought we'd do
a new program that we call
260
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:15,140
Operation--
261
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,308
both: Frown upside-down.
262
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,676
We were gonna
do that together, but--
263
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,211
Yeah, it's fine.
264
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:24,282
We are gonna give this man
a ticket but a ticket to a--
265
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:27,085
both: A movie!
- Ha, ha!
266
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:29,254
It's called
"Book Club Bandit$."
267
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:32,924
And get this--
the S is a dollar sign.
268
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:34,659
And, uh, it's starring, um,
269
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:39,697
Jennifer Lopez and Awkwafina,
who I absolutely love.
270
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,433
Watch us
blow this guy's mind.
271
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,268
Sheriff's Department!
272
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,702
Back away from my car!
273
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:48,073
Oh!
Holy shit! Oh!
274
00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,675
Sir, I'm trying to give you
free popcorn,
275
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:52,210
you motherfucker!
276
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,152
{\an8}So every year,
the Reno Sheriff's Department
277
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:04,389
{\an8}does a toy drive
for the kids at Christmas time.
278
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,725
{\an8}And this year,
some sick asshole wrote
279
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,828
{\an8}"sex toy drive"
on the side of the box.
280
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,696
- Ha, ha.
- Yeah. Hilarious.
281
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:13,531
So now we get
to go through the box
282
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:16,501
and separate the sex toys
from the real toys.
283
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:17,635
What's this?
- I mean, I see something
284
00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:20,338
obvious right here that's a toy.
285
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,540
Mm-kay. All right.
286
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:24,008
Uh-huh.
287
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,343
That looks like a wallet.
288
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,812
- Yeah, that's not--
- Hm.
289
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:30,381
- What is that?
- I know what it is.
290
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:32,484
It don't look like
nothin' for kids.
291
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,852
I don't know what it is.
292
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,253
We don't want kids
to--to touch that.
293
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,823
It wasn't zipped.
Okay. Next.
294
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:40,391
Disgusting!
295
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:43,027
- Ew! Ew! Ew!
- Disgusting!
296
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:45,363
- Gross! Oh!
- Know what they use that for?
297
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,531
- Yeah.
- Ugh!
298
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,967
Oh, I thought it was--
for jump rope.
299
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:50,535
And I always hated that game.
300
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:54,072
It was unwrapped, so it goes
in the biohazard thing.
301
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:56,374
Oh.
- Well, that's fun.
302
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:59,777
A gun. Another nice fun gun
for the kids to play with.
303
00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,446
- That's fun for the kids.
- Right.
304
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,882
- My turn.
- Oh.
305
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,817
- Oh, that's cute.
- That's very cute.
306
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,185
Although, you know what?
307
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:08,820
I've seen people fuck
bears like this before.
308
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,221
Yeah. That's true.
309
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,389
I like it. I say keep it.
310
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:12,924
Let's put it
in the maybe pile.
311
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,325
Let's put it in the maybe pile.
- Keep it for the kids.
312
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,594
I could see someone
putting that in their ass.
313
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,697
You guys, another fun gun
for the kids.
314
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,866
That's cute 'cause I like
that it looks like wood.
315
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:25,470
This was getting
to be a successful toy drive.
316
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,438
Huh.
317
00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:28,907
Oh, that's elegant.
318
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:30,375
It says you stick it up
your butt.
319
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,576
Right.
320
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,745
I think this is
a video game thing.
321
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,914
Oh, where you, like,
try and fuck the characters?
322
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:37,148
Yeah, something like that.
323
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:41,085
It says super joystick.
Like "joy" stick.
324
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:43,421
Yeah.
Like, somebody's dick and stuff.
325
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:45,223
Uh, hey, ladies?
326
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:46,991
Has anybody seen
my giggle pistol?
327
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,593
It's like a little
multi-colored gun
328
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,562
and you can put, uh,
nitrous in it
329
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:54,199
and somebody shoots it up
your butt while you jerk off?
330
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,100
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah. There it is.
331
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,468
- This thing?
- It's orange?
332
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:58,703
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
333
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,071
Good thing you got here
when you did.
334
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:02,307
And my dick stretcher.
How did that get in there?
335
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,509
Thank you, guys.
♪ We're goin' out tonight ♪
336
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,344
♪ I'm putting nitrous
up my butt ♪
337
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,046
♪ I'm gonna shoot
my giggle gun ♪
338
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:09,847
♪ I'm gonna stretch out
my dick ♪
339
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,093
{\an8}- No!
- You get out!
340
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,428
{\an8}No! I--there's no--
341
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,430
{\an8}- You're ruining love!
- There's no reason--
342
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,532
Sheriff's Department.
343
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,767
Gary.
Gary, what now?
344
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:30,935
What now?
345
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:33,104
This is
unacceptable behavior.
346
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:34,939
- Settle down.
- I saw a story on the news.
347
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,407
- He's--
- Uh-huh?
348
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:39,777
Where this heathen
is making gay wedding cakes.
349
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:40,979
Gay.
350
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,214
That is a disgrace before God!
351
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,816
Two fellas with their boners
352
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,417
getting all close
to each other?
353
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:47,719
Is this what you're up--
you're upset about this?
354
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,053
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
355
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,388
Oh, you should come
for a weekend with me.
356
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,123
If you're worried
about this, Gary--
357
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:53,825
you've gotta forget it, man.
358
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,927
If you'll make this cake,
what other kinda cakes
359
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,328
are you gonna make?
You gonna make a cake with--
360
00:14:57,329 --> 00:14:59,931
I'll make whatever cake
somebody asks me to make.
361
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,966
- Okay.
- I make bachelorette cakes.
362
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:04,002
She makes amazing
bachelorette cakes.
363
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,436
She makes some
good dirty cakes.
364
00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:07,305
Yeah, what she does
with coconut hair...
365
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,107
You just do
what people ask you.
366
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,309
I would like a cake
of Hillary Clinton
367
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:13,478
taking a shit
on the Constitution.
368
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,646
- I--
- I can do that.
369
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,813
Okay.
370
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:16,981
- Really?
- Yeah.
371
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,349
Great!
I would love to see this.
372
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:19,684
I can do raisinets for poops.
373
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,619
On the tier above it,
I would love there to be
374
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,989
some sort of like hell pit,
where George Soros
375
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,592
kind of looms
out of his Jew layer.
376
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,261
And he's just like,
"I'm taking over!"
377
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,263
What if she's pooping on
your precious second amendment?
378
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,531
- Oh, there it is!
- Because she would love--
379
00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:34,832
she wants to take
your guns away.
380
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,801
- I can do--whatever.
- Now we've got a theme.
381
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,436
- Now we have a theme!
- Yeah.
382
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,471
And it's charming.
That's what a cake should be.
383
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:41,973
It should be charming.
384
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,541
How about she has, um,
385
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:46,010
Obama's fake birth certificate
that she's about to wipe...
386
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,512
Yeah! Whoo!
387
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,348
- Wipe her crazy ass with that.
- Yeah!
388
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:51,683
- I don't do that.
- Okay.
389
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,884
So she's got
a long form birth certificate?
390
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,285
- Yeah.
- Was that ever found?
391
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,520
I don't have one here,
but have you guys--
392
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:56,788
Oh, no.
It will never be found.
393
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,089
Okay, okay.
So that's the joke.
394
00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,724
That's a goof, funny goof,
but down here,
395
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,993
could it be
the lopped-off heads
396
00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:03,194
of the fake news media
down there?
397
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,163
- Stop it! I--
- Oh!
398
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:07,865
Oh, my God.
I'm like this right now.
399
00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:09,400
Is there a way we can show
400
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,936
that NASA's making
everybody Muslim?
401
00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:13,438
As a sheet cake,
and I feel like the way
402
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:16,541
that you get that across
on a sheet cake is you say,
403
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,876
"NASA's making
everybody Muslims."
404
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:20,378
- Oh.
- Just like, just say it.
405
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,579
- Just say it.
- Right.
406
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,247
- I like the simplicity of that.
- Yeah.
407
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:24,549
It shows Hillary.
408
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:25,917
She's pooping on
the precious second amendment.
409
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,485
Yeah.
410
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,521
She's also selling off little
babies for sexual torture.
411
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:31,889
And then we've got this cake--
- And then we just
412
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,058
talk about the flavors
of the layers.
413
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,660
And then could we get
414
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,730
just like a bunch
of little cupcakes on the side?
415
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:39,997
Oh, that's fun.
416
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:41,265
'Cause you'd be thinking
about presentation.
417
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:42,667
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
418
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:43,935
And they could spell out
something like either
419
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,003
"Epstein didn't kill himself"
or--
420
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:47,238
I'd love to get this
by Sunday
421
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:48,773
so I could bring it to church.
422
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:53,611
{\an8}- You can do it.
- Almost doin' it.
423
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,046
{\an8}You can do it.
424
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:56,447
{\an8}- You know what's amazing?
- You can do it.
425
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,616
I didn't even know
that Senegal made cars.
426
00:16:58,617 --> 00:16:59,851
They stopped.
427
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,285
Oh, was it--so we got--
we're lucky.
428
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,620
- Yeah.
- That we got this one.
429
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,789
Right under the wire
before that recall.
430
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,124
- Oh, man.
- Oh, shit.
431
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,658
- Oh, shit!
- Should we just back away?
432
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,327
- Okay.
- Turn around.
433
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,095
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
How do you do this?
434
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,398
- No, thank you!
- You got my leg.
435
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,966
I'm caught on you.
You're caught on me?
436
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,167
Frank,
you gotta move your leg
437
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,902
or I can't move my leg.
- I gotta--
438
00:17:17,903 --> 00:17:19,904
You almost missed
the whole parade.
439
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,906
Hey, Jackie.
How you doin' today?
440
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,174
We're gonna have
a whole parade!
441
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,143
Whoa, whoa, calm down.
Calm down. Cal down.
442
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:26,144
What happened
to your eyeball?
443
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:27,278
Somebody took my glass eye.
444
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:28,646
Somebody took your glass eye?
445
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,415
- Oh.
- Yeah, on my birthday!
446
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:32,750
- You didn't just lose it?
- On my--on my 23rd birthday!
447
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,919
You didn't just lose
your glass eye?
448
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,754
I'm gonna look around
for the eyeball, okay?
449
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,289
And I said,
"Sure, you can borrow my eye,
450
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:41,125
you poor fat fuck,"
and then he ran off with it!
451
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,326
What color, uh,
452
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,629
what color's
your eyeball's glass eye?
453
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,631
I don't--how the fuck
am I supposed to know?
454
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,132
It's usually in my eye!
455
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:51,235
I was just getting ready
to start my own business,
456
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:54,672
I opened up a pet shop.
And then I had seven--
457
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,107
You're not running
a pet shop, Jackie.
458
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,009
There's all kinds of
registration you've gotta do.
459
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,144
You've gotta get your license.
- I did it the hard way!
460
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:01,579
Okay, all right!
All right! Whoa!
461
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,949
- Whoa. Jackie, whoa.
- I had seven rats in a box.
462
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:08,686
And all them fuckers,
all them fuckers decided
463
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:11,155
they had better places to be.
464
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,790
You know what people called
and said that you were doing?
465
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,225
What?
466
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,526
What do you think--what do you
think people called--
467
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:16,727
do you want to play--
Charades it?
468
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,129
- Okay.
- Let's Charades it. Ready?
469
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,131
Uh, crack pot.
470
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:23,734
How did he get that so fast?
471
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,803
Um, havin' sausages
for breakfast.
472
00:18:25,804 --> 00:18:28,539
I didn't even have sausage for
breakfast in like six years!
473
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,374
So don't even try!
- Yep, yep, yep.
474
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:31,742
You got the wrong lady.
You know why?
475
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,077
I do?
476
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,812
Because I always do
a little bit of meth.
477
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,280
And then I do
a little bit of this.
478
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,115
But then I always go back
to do more meth.
479
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:39,517
And you skipped that part.
480
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:41,886
Do you wanna try to get her
in the vehicle?
481
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,221
I don't.
- Not really.
482
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,422
- Not really either.
- Uh-uh.
483
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,723
Jackie, you know
what makes me sad?
484
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,058
What's that?
485
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,826
You used to
at least run sometimes.
486
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,394
Yeah.
Well, I'm 23 now.
487
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:51,863
I know.
488
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,232
I don't have the kind
of mobility like I used to.
489
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,834
- Okay. Hang on. Hang on.
- Hey! This is nice!
490
00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:59,036
This is like a hot tub
without all the water.
491
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,975
Bye, everybody.
Bye, Santa.
492
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:19,357
{\an8}Wow, this THC space cake
tastes great.
493
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:20,625
{\an8}But I don't feel high at all
494
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,660
{\an8}and it's been
almost three minutes.
495
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,295
{\an8}I'm gonna eat the other half.
496
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:29,300
{\an8}Hey, kids.
497
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:30,868
{\an8}In the last 30 years,
498
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:34,038
{\an8}the science of recreational
marijuana has hit its zenith.
499
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,841
{\an8}So before you take that
other half of anything,
500
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,976
{\an8}remember this easy motto.
501
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:41,045
{\an8}Stop dropping and roll with it.
502
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,816
{\an8}Stop dropping
and roll with it?
503
00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:49,620
{\an8}See how the first half is
before you double down.
504
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:51,656
{\an8}When you take the other half,
505
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:54,092
{\an8}you risk side effects like...
506
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,607
{\an8}And of course...
507
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:16,247
{\an8}Wow, those sound like
a real bummer.
508
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,749
{\an8}I'ma put this other half
of a space cake
509
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,384
{\an8}somewhere safe.
510
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,587
{\an8}And take it in
at some later date.
511
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:25,456
{\an8}That's the spirit.
It's easy to remember.
512
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:28,025
{\an8}Stop dropping and roll with it.
513
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:30,094
{\an8}Because nobody wants...
514
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:32,563
{\an8}both: To turn into
a glass skeleton
515
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,265
{\an8}and have lizard thoughts.
516
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:40,905
Oh, shit.
517
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,374
This reminds me
of my last birthday.
518
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:45,576
I'm not lettin' go
of this loofah.
519
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:46,877
You'd better believe that.
520
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:48,279
Ah! That's someone
trying to take my hair!
521
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,348
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Away from here.
522
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:51,782
Oh, hey, Carl!
523
00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:53,284
- Oh, shit.
- How's your mom?
524
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,952
You stay, I'll push.
You stay and I'll push it.
525
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,521
She didn't look so good
the last time I saw her.
526
00:20:57,522 --> 00:20:59,023
I'm gonna be honest with you.
527
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:01,926
She's gotta keep takin'
those pills for her rickets.
528
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,294
Turn it, turn it.
There we go.
529
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:05,129
Will it start if I jump in?
530
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:06,964
- Yep, I got it!
- You got it?
531
00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:11,302
Hey!
This isn't a birthday parade!
532
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:14,171
Shit, it stalled again.
Stalled but we're goin' down--
533
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:19,210
- She's going down. Whee!
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
39295
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