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00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:06,706
♪ MTV ♪
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{\an8}Officer!
3
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{\an8}- Sheriff's Department!
- Thank God you're here!
4
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:14,646
{\an8}Okay.
What's going on?
5
00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:15,848
{\an8}Ach.
There's some kids in the pool.
6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,249
Oh, okay.
Wait, hold on.
7
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:18,484
Let me guess.
8
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:19,752
The kids in the pool are Black?
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00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:20,986
Yes.
Yes, they're Black.
10
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:23,789
Shut up!
Shut the fuck up.
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00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:25,424
Kids that are Black
in your pool
12
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:27,259
are not bothering you, lady.
13
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,928
You don't call the
Sheriff's Department for this.
14
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:32,064
I'm tired of you
Backyard Betties,
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00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:33,766
Looky Louises,
16
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,001
calling us for this dumb shit!
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00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,337
What are they doing?
What are they doing?
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They're drowning!
19
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,140
Yeah.
- They're dr--
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00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,641
No!
- To the right.
21
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To the right!
- No!
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Black babies!
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No, no, no, Black babies!
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00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,189
{\an8}Ah!
25
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,693
{\an8}Oh!
26
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:02,928
{\an8}Holy shit!
27
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{\an8}The squirrels in the ducts
are still there.
28
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,885
I hear 'em.
29
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I feel like
they're starting to...
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Ach,
you know the one with the--
31
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:35,727
no one thinks that it sounds
a little bit like they're--
32
00:01:35,728 --> 00:01:37,430
a tiny bit
like they're singing?
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At all?
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I mean, not words,
but, you know--
35
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,970
But, yeah,
I know what you're--
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00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:46,605
They're not singing--
I'm not crazy.
37
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,507
What do you
hear them singing, Jim?
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I don't--
see, I knew you were gonna be--
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everybody was gonna be dicks.
40
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,412
I don't think
the squirrels in the ducts
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are singing words.
42
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:58,817
They're not--
they're not Marvin Hamlisch.
43
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,018
- Maybe...
- Mm-hmm?
44
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:02,721
Just maybe,
you need to take a break.
45
00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:05,991
You've been here
for a long damn time,
46
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,993
and maybe you need
to just take a break.
47
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:10,696
There's a spa
outside of Primm...
48
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,464
- Yeah.
- That's very nice.
49
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,832
Are you guys doing
"Of Mice and Men,"
50
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,234
where you lead me out to Primm
51
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:16,235
and then
you shoot me in the head?
52
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,636
- No!
- God damn it.
53
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:18,637
You can Google it!
54
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There's a very nice kind of a--
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00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,074
like, a spa thing there.
56
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,243
Why's everybody so excited
for me to go to Primm?
57
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,911
- We're not excited.
- We're worried.
58
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,279
We just think you need a br--
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00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,947
you just said that
the squirrels were singing.
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Not words!
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They're not making words!
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I didn't say
they were making words!
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Jim, go to Primm.
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00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,323
Yeah, yeah, I'll go to--
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I think we all
could use a break.
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I'll go to Primm.
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Ooh.
I hear 'em singing.
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See?
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Welcome to
the Secure and Sassy
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concealed carry fashion show.
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Tiff is working
a casual look.
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She's running errands.
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But she's not running scared.
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00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,049
Thank you, Heather.
75
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,884
Next up is Shauna.
76
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,053
Shauna's ready for yoga class.
77
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:10,188
What's under that yoga mat?
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00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:11,957
It's a 12-gauge pump.
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00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,625
Nama-stay safe!
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00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,129
She's a ten
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00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,764
with a pair of nines!
82
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,799
Who's ready for evening wear?
83
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:31,510
Clemmy is ready
for a night on the town.
84
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,245
But she's no sitting duck.
85
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,448
Where are you packing, Clemmy?
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00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:37,950
There's a couple
of things in life
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00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,318
that I'm really into
right now.
88
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:40,586
One of 'em is fashion.
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00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:43,088
And one of 'em
is not having, uh, anyone
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piss all over my rights.
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00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,327
But what's so special
about that swimsuit?
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00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:53,131
That's right.
It's Kevlar!
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00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:56,001
Stay away from her pool party,
ISIS.
94
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:03,508
- Hello, cops, hello!
- What's up, pigs?
95
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,510
We see you.
I see you're on duty,
96
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,079
I'm on duty too.
97
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,348
Okay, we just out here trying
to protect the Constitution
98
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,049
with our goddamn phones, man.
99
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:12,618
There's these kids now,
they--
100
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:15,420
they're trying to catch us
doing something wrong
101
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,322
all the time, and it--
102
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,658
it's, I mean, it's tiresome.
- You gonna have a long wait.
103
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,761
Wow.
How many guns you got in there?
104
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,862
Uh...
105
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- 50?
- That's--
106
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,799
- 50?
- That's way too m--
107
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,201
That's too many guns.
108
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,836
How many guns you got
out there?
109
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None!
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both: Ha-hah!
111
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,074
That was not funny!
112
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,376
Move.
That's our guy!
113
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That's our guy!
That's our guy!
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Go, go!
115
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- You got it?
- Oh, my God!
116
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,849
What the--
You're opening fire!
117
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,284
These police officers
have just opened fire!
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They're shooting him!
119
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:52,691
- Hi, guys!
- Hey, fellas.
120
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:53,892
Welcome!
121
00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:55,627
Congratulations.
You got jury duty.
122
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Bienvenue.
123
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,230
Congratulations.
You got j--
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00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,665
Wait, no.
You
125
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:00,666
got jury duty.
126
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:01,667
Which one of you guys--
127
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,402
Is somebody named Trist?
128
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:04,703
I'm--
I'm Trist.
129
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,971
What kind of name is Trist?
130
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,040
You have $3,400
in unpaid parking tickets.
131
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,374
I thought--
Wait.
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I will see you in court.
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- But--
- I'll just hang on to that.
134
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,445
Okay.
Don't hit him, sir.
135
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,713
What, I didn't hit him.
I'm not hitting any--
136
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:15,747
Did I hit anybody?
137
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:17,382
all: No.
- Absolutely did not.
138
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:18,984
Whose got all the dick pics
on this one?
139
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,118
Me, sir.
140
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,253
- Hoh!
- Is that you or a friend?
141
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,254
It's a friend.
142
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,156
- Oh, oh.
- Well done.
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00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,024
I mean,
I would have said it was me.
144
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:32,964
{\an8}- Sir?
- Yep.
145
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,800
{\an8}When we--
when we go,
146
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,068
{\an8}this isn't live-live?
147
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,302
- Oh, it's live-live.
- It is live-live?
148
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,570
Oh, it's absolutely live.
149
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:40,772
- So it's nationwide?
- Yep, nationwide.
150
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,040
Coast to coast.
- Satellite.
151
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:43,075
Yeah, we're just waiting
for a minute.
152
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,242
That's fun.
153
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,577
Got a little thing
in the studio.
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00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:46,845
Great, great.
And then you go right to me?
155
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,013
- Right to you, you ready?
- That's great
156
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,181
'cause I'm 100% ready,
100% ready--
157
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,048
- You can do it, Jim!
- Thanks, Trude!
158
00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:53,019
In five, four, three!
159
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,454
Hold!
All right, we need a minute.
160
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:56,788
We need a minute.
No, you just tell me
161
00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:58,423
when you're ready.
- Are you talking to me?
162
00:05:58,424 --> 00:05:59,691
Are you talking to me?
- No, hold on.
163
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:00,859
- We're not on yet?
- No, no.
164
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:01,927
We got issues in New York.
165
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,762
There's a pet adoption
going on.
166
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:04,930
- Oh, fun!
- One of the puppies
167
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,098
fell asleep.
- Oh, cute.
168
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,065
A devastating departure--
- You ready?
169
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:08,166
Yes!
N--
170
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,334
- You all right?
- I'm throwing up.
171
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,335
Can I get a second?
172
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,171
Do you need me
to hold back your hair?
173
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,073
No.
No, I'm okay.
174
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,576
Okay.
Just a little barf.
175
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:18,910
I'm good.
- Okay, all right.
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00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,245
They're ready for us.
All right, here we go!
177
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,880
- At this time in the--
- Five...
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00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,215
- The trucking pass on I-80--
- Four...
179
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,282
- A brush fire has closed--
- Three, two...
180
00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:25,484
- Both directions--
- Oh!
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00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,285
- At this ti--
- Nope, no, no, nope.
182
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:28,420
- You got this.
- All right, just one minute.
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00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:29,654
That devastating
brush fire...
184
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:30,889
Stay ready, stay loose.
185
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,924
- Just take a breath.
- Ahh.
186
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:34,526
Is Daddy's
little sippy cup around?
187
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,528
I feel good, I feel good.
- You're nailin' it.
188
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:37,963
A devastating brush fire
189
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,198
has closed I-80
in both directions.
190
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,834
A devastating brush fire
has closed I-80
191
00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:44,002
in both dimensions.
192
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:45,804
They're ready for us.
All right!
193
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,172
Can I get one--
can I get one of the blue ones?
194
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,673
The problem is,
it only helps when you--
195
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:49,941
Now I need four.
196
00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:52,277
No, don't do four.
Don't do four!
197
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:56,716
In five, four, three, two.
198
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,483
{\an8}Thank you, New York.
199
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:02,287
{\an8}We're live in Reno, Nevada.
Washoe County,
200
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:05,023
{\an8}the Silver State,
very near the Truckee Pass,
201
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:08,193
{\an8}where right now,
a devastating munch fire
202
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:11,863
{\an8}has closed everything I-8,
in all of the dimensions.
203
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:15,201
{\an8}I'm the kitty cat
from "Alice in Wonderland."
204
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,604
{\an8}And I'll see you
on the other side.
205
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,606
All right, we're out!
206
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,809
I like that one!
207
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,043
I like that one a lot.
208
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:39,925
This morning, we found out
a model had to drop out.
209
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,928
Uh, she had a bowhunting
accident over the weekend.
210
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,496
Clemmy had a friend.
211
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:45,697
Ah, it's not a friend.
212
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,132
Had--
had a--
213
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,367
knew someone who could
step in at the last minute.
214
00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:51,804
So we're gonna give her a go.
215
00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:53,805
I know you've
never done this before,
216
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,741
but you've probably watched
models before.
217
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,510
You've never watched
a fashion show?
218
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,379
I don't have a TV anymore.
219
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:02,747
Okay.
220
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,516
Okay.
221
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,385
Well, why don't you--
this is a runway.
222
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,553
Smize.
And then I smize.
223
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,789
And then I smize.
And then I smize.
224
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,990
And then I smize.
225
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,225
I'm gonna pause you
for a second.
226
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,327
Okay.
227
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,862
It got weird--
- Take this seriously.
228
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:19,698
Trudy's like that old spare
tire that you forget about.
229
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:22,100
Sure, it's bald.
230
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,468
- Stop complimenting--
- Barely gonna get you where--
231
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:24,836
Stop with the compliments!
232
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,204
My head is getting big!
- Oh, I've got so many
233
00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,139
compliments just like that one.
234
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,008
Up next, it's Trudy.
235
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,143
Tennis, anyone?
236
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,713
I have never walked
in a fashion show before.
237
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,348
But I do walk around a lot.
238
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,782
To the coffee machine.
239
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,150
Sometimes to
the vending machine.
240
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,586
And I have been told...
241
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,388
that I look pretty good
doin' it.
242
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,756
Who told you that?
243
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,392
Name names.
- Um...
244
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:49,027
Roberto.
245
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,097
He's new.
- Mm.
246
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:54,266
He and I are kind of
having a thing.
247
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,635
Ohh.
248
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:59,839
Trudy is serving up
a beautiful silhouette.
249
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,440
Nice backhand, Trudy.
250
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:04,342
A tennis racket.
251
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,345
I 40-love it.
252
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,414
As if Trudy was not creating
enough of a diversion herself,
253
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,182
flash grenade!
254
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,022
Ball is in your court,
date rapists.
255
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:21,092
Trudy, is that a .32 ACP gun
in your pocket, or are you just
256
00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:24,195
happy to live in a country
with a Second Amendment?
257
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,897
Shooter!
258
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,844
I'm okay!
259
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,212
Shit!
260
00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:42,548
Sorry!
261
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,419
Next up is Lisa!
262
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:52,924
{\an8}We got a--
263
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:53,959
{\an8}Alarmed triggered at the--
264
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,093
{\an8}Uh, the bank.
265
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,628
{\an8}Hey, guys?
- Yeah?
266
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,764
Did somebody say how many
hostages are in there?
267
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,299
I think they said three.
268
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,934
What?
You hurt your knee?
269
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,670
You should file
for worker's comp!
270
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,774
What the...
271
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,776
Hell?
- What is it?
272
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:18,317
What's happening?
273
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,954
- Hi.
- Hey.
274
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,089
How are you?
275
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,157
How you doing?
Hatzolah is here.
276
00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:27,726
- Hey!
- You need to get down!
277
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,561
There's a hostage situation.
- There's a hostage in there.
278
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:30,762
- There's hostages!
- I know.
279
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:31,763
It's okay, come on.
280
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:32,998
- Okay--oh, my God!
- Jesus!
281
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:34,766
- That was scary.
- What the hell?
282
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,001
- Hi!
- Hey.
283
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:37,402
How you doing?
Shalom, baby.
284
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,471
Are you a--
are you the Amish?
285
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,007
Uh, we are
Jewish volunteer services.
286
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,641
- Oh!
- Hatzolah.
287
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:44,843
- Oh, hi.
- How are you, sir?
288
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,478
Shalom, baby.
No, I can't--
289
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,480
I cannot shake hands with you.
It is hared.
290
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:50,882
It's okay.
These are my guys.
291
00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:52,484
- Jesus!
- Guys, it's okay.
292
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:54,953
Guys.
These are my guys.
293
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,221
You are--
You guys are happy about--
294
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,658
This is what we do, guys.
295
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,027
- Oh, okay.
- Oh.
296
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:03,495
We are Jewish volunteer,
297
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,797
we have ambulance,
uh, firemen.
298
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:08,033
So we are like Jewish Batman.
299
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:13,238
But for us,
Batman is like pussy.
300
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,206
You guys just--
just do this?
301
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:16,307
This is what we do.
302
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,043
We sa--we, uh,
how do you say?
303
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,144
We save the world.
304
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:20,412
- Oh, wow, wow.
- Wow.
305
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,946
When there are--
where there are Jews.
306
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:23,214
- Yeah, yeah.
- Where there are not Jews,
307
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:24,382
we don't give a shit.
- Ah.
308
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:26,951
- Sure, sure.
- What you guys do,
309
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,453
very important.
- Thank you.
310
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,288
Maybe there's a cat
in a tree, you help--
311
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,890
Oh, oh!
Last year, two.
312
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:32,957
- Okay.
- Two times.
313
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:34,025
Are these guys with you?
314
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,093
These guys are mine, yeah.
315
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:36,094
These guys are in my--
- Oh.
316
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,862
It's okay.
Guys, it's okay.
317
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,030
It's just a--
- Hey!
318
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,165
- Hi!
- Just a hostage situation.
319
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,232
We got it.
320
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:42,600
Hold on.
Hold on one second.
321
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,302
Oh, they're talking to him.
Hang on, sorry.
322
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,204
Yeah, okay.
We got the bad guys.
323
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,338
They got 'em!
Wow.
324
00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:48,840
- Okay, so they're coming.
- Wow.
325
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:49,841
- Okay.
- Oh, my God!
326
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:50,842
You guys need backup?
327
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,077
Do you need--
could we?
328
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,745
Okay, that's a good joke.
329
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:54,913
- What are you--
- Hatzolah.
330
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,081
what are you gonna do
with those guys?
331
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,449
Oh, we're going
to take these guys--
332
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,917
we're going to ask them
some questions.
333
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,051
- Okay, sure.
- Ah!
334
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,020
Then we're going
to kill them.
335
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,555
- Wow.
- Happy Hanukkah!
336
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,057
I got another thing.
There's a guy.
337
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,258
He stole a nuclear warhead.
338
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,593
- Unbelievable.
- Oh, my gosh.
339
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:10,462
- Across town, so we gotta go--
- Oh, okay.
340
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,030
- We gotta go get that guy.
- Oh, neat.
341
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,398
- Nice.
- Oh, man, this was--
342
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,532
Break a--break a leg.
- Wow.
343
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,867
- Thank you!
- Thank you!
344
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,202
- Hatzolah!
- Thank you!
345
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:18,269
- Thank you very much!
- Hatzolah, Hatzolah!
346
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,838
- Thank you!
- Hatzolah!
347
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,606
Besides the time
I met Pat Sajak,
348
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:22,707
this was the most exciting day
of my life.
349
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,775
- Did you meet Pat Sajak?
- I did.
350
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,158
Seriously,
don't fish without a license.
351
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,527
Visit the Nevada State
Department of Wildlife
352
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:19,497
at www.ndow.com for
your mandatory fishing permit.
353
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:21,099
And don't fucking do it.
354
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:32,944
Hey, followers!
355
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:34,779
It's Trudy Wiegel here
356
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:38,449
with Trudy's Trendy Tip
number 6,428.
357
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,684
Ding.
358
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:42,387
And I'm gonna show you
how you can
359
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:45,023
do some beauty stuff
on a budget.
360
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,691
So today we're gonna talk about
361
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,460
getting rid
of unwanted body hair.
362
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:51,963
So what I figured out was,
363
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:54,399
if you just go to
your local hardware store,
364
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,403
and pick up just
your standard rat glue trap,
365
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,738
you can do your own waxing
at home.
366
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:03,575
Or if you have
a gently used one
367
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,443
in your garage,
that's probably okay too.
368
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,078
I probably don't have
to talk you through this,
369
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,948
but, uh...
370
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,616
I will.
371
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,851
I haven't tried this before,
but...
372
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,288
I'm just gonna count one...
373
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,023
two...
374
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,859
Ah!
375
00:14:21,493 --> 00:14:22,895
Fuck!
376
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,129
Fuck me!
377
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,336
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
378
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:33,104
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
379
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:34,772
{\an8}Ah!
380
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:36,574
{\an8}- Oh, man.
- Hey, hey, hey.
381
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,509
- Oh!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
382
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,245
Inside voices, inside voices.
383
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:42,347
Got some MBMs right here.
Mad Baseball Moms.
384
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:43,581
Time out!
385
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,250
All right.
Everybody calm down.
386
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:47,185
Your son clearly was out!
387
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:49,287
Do you know how crazy
you look right now?
388
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,788
- Oh, I look crazy?
- Yes.
389
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,290
Oh,
you wanna see me get crazy.
390
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:53,758
- Ugh!
- Whoa!
391
00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:56,294
Well, I guess we all
have the potential for crazy.
392
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:57,328
Okay.
393
00:14:57,329 --> 00:14:58,363
- Okay, okay!
- Agh!
394
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,531
Your kid is bad at baseball.
395
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:01,599
Just admit it!
396
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,800
- Now you've done it!
- Oh.
397
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,235
All right, that's it!
Okay, all right!
398
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,503
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
399
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:06,804
- Put it down!
- Uh-uh.
400
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:07,805
- Everybody, calm down.
- You put it down!
401
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:09,107
- Calm down.
- All right!
402
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,075
- You put it down.
- Calm down, everybody.
403
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,243
- We're doing this?
- I got two too!
404
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,378
- Are we doing this?
- We can do that.
405
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,412
- We are not doing this.
- All right.
406
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,413
Everybody calm down.
407
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,581
Hey.
Hey.
408
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,082
Everybody's got a permit, right?
409
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,117
- Of course!
- Oh, yes.
410
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,485
- Not irresponsible.
- Yes.
411
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:21,753
Let's see 'em.
Permit?
412
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,354
Left titty, man.
It's right there.
413
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:24,389
- Well, looks good.
- Good here!
414
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,424
- Yeah.
- Good, he's good.
415
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,558
All right.
Everybody's good.
416
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:28,693
You got a very
old picture, ma'am.
417
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,028
All right.
But it's still good.
418
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,162
- I didn't say it wasn't good.
- I just said
419
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:32,096
it's an old picture.
- Thank you.
420
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,464
Okay, so everybody's good.
421
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:35,800
Let's just take a big,
cleansing breath, okay?
422
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,203
Out through the mouth.
423
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,639
And one more time,
in through the nose.
424
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,043
And a dragon breath where you
put the tongue out and go--
425
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,349
Fifteen second arm rest?
426
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,583
- Yes, please.
- Oh, oh, my God.
427
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:53,918
Yeah, thank you.
- My back hurts.
428
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,687
Oh, my God.
And my--
429
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,689
I'm burning--
- It's like the blood just--
430
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,724
Ugh.
- My forearms are burning.
431
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:02,026
Okay.
And in three, two, and--
432
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,094
- All right.
- Back up there.
433
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:04,095
Back up there.
- Are we good?
434
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,302
{\an8}You havin'
a bachelorette party?
435
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,105
{\an8}Yeah.
436
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:16,074
Aw.
- Just married!
437
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:18,142
You're not supposed to be
hanging out of the moonroof.
438
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:19,277
- What?
- Haven't you ever
439
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,912
seen any movie?
- Yeah.
440
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,246
Get out of the car.
441
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:25,883
Um, actually, no,
because absolutely not.
442
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,051
- Okay.
- We're on our way
443
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,420
to see a show
with Australian guys
444
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,522
wangin' their dangs
in our face.
445
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,525
- Oh.
- Do you know that I need that?
446
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:36,561
And that that is for me.
447
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:37,795
All right.
I'll take that.
448
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:39,297
- No, it's mine!
- Uh, no, okay.
449
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:41,232
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nope, nope, nope.
450
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,267
Nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope, nope, nope!
451
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:44,469
Ladies, ladies.
452
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:45,670
Are you pregnant?
453
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,305
Get back in.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
454
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:49,474
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!
455
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,409
Walk this line.
- Okay.
456
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,245
Touch your nose.
457
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:58,216
Yes, queen!
458
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:01,185
Yes, Rachel!
- Whoo!
459
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,321
Step, touch.
Step, touch.
460
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:04,489
Get back in line.
461
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:05,690
- Oh!
- So the twos come forward
462
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,091
and the ones go back.
463
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:09,360
Pivot, step!
Pivot, step!
464
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,496
Five, six, seven, eight!
465
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,798
Step, touch.
Step, touch.
466
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,700
Step, touch.
Get ready to pivot!
467
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,336
And pivot, step!
Pivot, step.
468
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:20,371
Step, touch.
Step, snort the coke!
469
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,673
And snort it, snort it,
snort it, down.
470
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:25,176
And back up.
Back up.
471
00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:29,547
I love you.
Love me!
472
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,417
- Oh, my God!
- You know what--
473
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,651
If you have room for me,
474
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:34,952
like, can we go
to Tahoe or something?
475
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,487
- Yes!
- Okay, all right, all right.
476
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:39,524
Three way kiss?
477
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:50,201
Huh?
478
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:51,936
Vamos!
479
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,538
Andale, ándale!
480
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:57,141
Hey.
481
00:17:57,142 --> 00:18:00,511
Welcome, officers,
to my humble casita.
482
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:01,646
- Hi.
- Oh!
483
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:02,747
You're just in time
for lunch.
484
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:03,981
- Oh!
- This is kind of nice.
485
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:05,216
- Oh, hey!
- Hey!
486
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,517
- Guys!
- Hey, I know those guys!
487
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:07,819
- Rizz!
- Hey!
488
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:08,886
- Hi.
- Jimbo!
489
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:10,421
Hi.
490
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,156
Oh, my God.
It smells so good.
491
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:14,525
Welcome, welcome to my house.
492
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,427
What is rent
on a place like this?
493
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,595
It's gotta be crazy, right?
- Ah, no, no, no.
494
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,830
- Oh!
- There's no rent.
495
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,765
- Yeah!
- You pay for it.
496
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,733
In blood.
497
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,502
- Jim, you gotta try this corn.
- Oh, my God.
498
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:25,603
- Oh, my God.
- It's good!
499
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:26,771
It's delicious.
Mm.
500
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,606
What is on
the outside of this corn?
501
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,107
I thought it was parmesan.
502
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:31,275
It's not parmesan.
- Is it parmesan cheese?
503
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,443
No, it's cotija cheese.
504
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,812
It's Mexican.
505
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,814
You don't remember me, do you?
506
00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,516
No?
- Mm-mm.
507
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:40,751
Not--not per se.
- Let me jog your memory.
508
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:42,653
- Okay.
- The last time I saw you...
509
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:43,921
- Uh-huh.
- It was in a tunnel...
510
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:45,089
- Uh-huh.
- In Mesquite.
511
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:46,190
You...
- Mm-hmm.
512
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,525
And your fellow officers...
513
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:48,793
- Mm-hmm.
- Were trying to kill me.
514
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,662
But like a phoenix
rising from the ashes,
515
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,264
Sophia lives!
516
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,266
- Um--
- I do not forgive.
517
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,401
And I do not forget.
518
00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:59,104
Okay.
519
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,173
No, nothing?
You don't remember?
520
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:03,574
Oh, that was--
you were talking to me?
521
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:04,575
- Yes!
- Oh, my gosh!
522
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:05,743
I--
523
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,078
You don't remember my face?
Nothing?
524
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,946
God,
I wanna remember you so bad!
525
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,815
- Are you a singer?
- Anybody?
526
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,450
Mm, mm.
527
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:14,051
That is very upsetting.
528
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,329
Miss, Miss--
Miss Thing?
529
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,265
Uh, why, why--
why are we tied up?
530
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:30,535
And, and--
and why are those guys tied up?
531
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:33,004
Ah, yeah.
532
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,539
Yes, I thought
you would ask that.
533
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,440
But first I have a question
for all of you.
534
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:39,043
- Yeah, shoot.
- Do you like...
535
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:40,311
carnitas?
536
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:42,346
- Barradas?
- I don't know what that is.
537
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,348
- Or was it barracas?
- Um...
538
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,717
Carnitas pork?
539
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,819
Oh, we love pork!
all: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
540
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:51,589
Carnitas, carnitas!
541
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,724
I think you're all
going to enjoy this meal
542
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,092
very, very much.
- Oh, my goodness.
543
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,928
I'm excited about it.
544
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,095
Yes, go ahead.
Eat up.
545
00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,297
- Ah, holy shit!
- Thank you!
546
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:00,464
- This is good!
- They are amazing!
547
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,533
Isn't it delicious?
- Oh, my God!
548
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,068
Like nothing
you have ever tasted.
549
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,369
I've never tasted anything--
550
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,671
- Never anything like that, ah?
- No!
551
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,905
It actually is
like nothing I've ever tasted!
552
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,206
- Ah, yeah.
- I've never tasted this--
553
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:10,575
Take another bite.
554
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:11,876
You guys sound great!
555
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,711
Tell me how much you like it.
556
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,146
Tell me!
557
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,048
I don't like it.
I love it.
558
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,549
Ah, yes!
You love it.
559
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,251
- It's so good.
- How wonderful, yeah?
560
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:23,554
Miren, señores.
I have a surprise for you.
561
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,822
- Okay!
- Silencio!
562
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:27,992
The meat you are eating
is not carnitas.
563
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:31,996
The meat is your friend
and fellow officer,
564
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:34,398
Lieutenant Frans Braker!
565
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,339
- Uh...
- Why no effect?
566
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:42,406
Don't know him.
567
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,874
- What now?
- Uh, he's not with us.
568
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:45,009
He's not with our department.
- What?
569
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:46,577
- Wh--wh--
- He ain't one of us.
570
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,312
- No, he looks DEA to me.
- What, we all look alike?
571
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:49,947
- Like a FBI--
- I think--I actually bet
572
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:51,248
he's, like, a federal--
- All right, that's enough!
573
00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:52,550
- Spit it out, spit it out!
- Oh, my God!
574
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:53,618
- Stop eating!
- Spit it out, spit it out!
575
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,119
- Aww.
- Spit it out!
576
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,288
- Oh, come on.
- That was so much work!
577
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,123
We found that guy,
we murdered that guy.
578
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,325
We slow-roasted him 12 hours
579
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,494
in ancho chile mix
that we were saving!
580
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:04,662
- Exactly.
- 12 hours.
581
00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:06,163
- That's the secret.
- 12 hours.
582
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:07,498
Cesar!
Ernesto!
583
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:08,899
Um--
oh!
584
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,935
Then can we take some
of the corn with us to go?
585
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,871
Miguel, sit!
586
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:19,344
- Stop bossing me!
- What a waste of a Saturday.
40429
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