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1
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,754
Okay, so your...
your name is George?
2
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,256
- You're the manager?
- Yes, sir. Yes.
3
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:08,799
Okay.
Your tag checks out there.
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,094
I got the, uh, tape from
the surveillance video.
5
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,220
I installed this whole
6
00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:15,431
thing here, last time
this happened, so--
7
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,682
Is that that camera
right up there?
8
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,100
- Yes, sir.
- Okay.
9
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,102
He gets up on, uh
he gets up on this counter?
10
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:20,936
- Yes, sir.
- That's this counter.
11
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,271
And that is this
table right here.
12
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,940
He's undoing his pants there.
13
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,124
- It's evidence.
- I guess, now.
14
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:42,916
Yeah.
15
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,501
Oh, you want
maybe put it in one cup.
16
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,628
Put it all in one cup
and then we'll just send it
17
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:47,963
straight to the lab. Okay.
18
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,384
Son of a bitch.
Goddamn it!
19
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,638
{\an8}Come on.
20
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,308
{\an8}They all have guns!
21
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,897
{\an8}Whoo-hoo!
22
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,315
Ow!
23
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,692
Push them together?
24
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:09,235
{\an8}Get off the bike!
Off your bike.
25
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,615
Oh! God!
26
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,375
Ah!
27
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,512
{\an8}We got a call about some
lights out in the desert here.
28
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,513
{\an8}We got to check it out.
29
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,598
{\an8}Probably nothin', but, uh...
30
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,225
You put a little bit
in a bowl--
31
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,352
- Herbal, you can put--
- Get a shaman, get a guide?
32
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:47,397
Or you can smoke a little bowl
of it, too, totally legal.
33
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,858
Huh, salvia.
Somebody is already on it.
34
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,068
- Hey, boys.
- Hi, fellas.
35
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,486
Hey, guys.
36
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,196
- Sorry. We didn't know.
- Great to see you over there.
37
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,823
We thought we was
first on the scene.
38
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,699
Oh, no, no.
We beat you to it.
39
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,535
We were in the area.
We got the call.
40
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,828
Somebody saw some
lights or something?
41
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,204
Yeah. It's all taken care of.
42
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,372
You don't got to worry about it.
43
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,082
- You have a good one.
- Take care, you guys.
44
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,918
- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
45
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,545
Do you, do you know those guys?
46
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,213
I thought you did.
That's why I was like...
47
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,674
I wasn't gonna say anything.
I thought you knew--
48
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,217
I thought you knew those guys.
49
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,010
- Yeah. No. I--
- I don't remember those guys.
50
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,887
Well, I mean...
51
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:20,556
- Who are those--
- You know, like--
52
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,849
On the other side of the road--
53
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,725
Behind you, there's all
those other guys.
54
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,352
- Those are those guys, right?
- Right?
55
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,229
- Hey, how y'all doing?
- Hey, you guys.
56
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,356
- Oh, hey, guys.
- You guys are back.
57
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:32,776
I thought you guys were leaving.
I thought we told you to leave.
58
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,946
Uh, we did. You guys are...
59
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,909
- You've been, you're with us.
- 'Third generation.'
60
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,411
Hey, when you guys get home, uh
61
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,121
just take a good-good
long shower
62
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,622
wash any exposed skin
and everything.
63
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:47,958
Yeah, and actually,
if you have an eye-wash rig
64
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,793
at home,
I'd recommend using that.
65
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,920
- We got one at the station.
- There you go.
66
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:52,964
Seriously...
67
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,465
...do you guys want coffee,
or hoagies or anything at all?
68
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,467
'Cause we're about to make
a run. We're already in the car.
69
00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:59,469
- Acid reflux.
- Okay.
70
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,222
- It's late. It's late.
- Hey, good night.
71
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,473
- Good night, guys.
- Adios.
72
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,433
Last chance for
coffee and hoagie!
73
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,477
No, thanks. Okay.
You are too kind.
74
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:08,896
- 'Alright. Let's dig it up.'
- 'Yep.'
75
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,277
{\an8}He's over here. He's...
76
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,279
{\an8}Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Easy, vest. Bubye.
77
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,114
{\an8}- You have nothing to say here.
- 'Andrew--'
78
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,658
He's not the issue.
The issue is me, okay?
79
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,786
I come into Captain Crabby,
one, for quality
80
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,496
two, for my baby.
81
00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,916
My girlfriend, my sweet love.
It's her birthday.
82
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,752
All I want was to bring her
to an expensive dinner
83
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,754
and have them sing "Happy
birthday," and they said no.
84
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,131
All of these people
here are jealous.
85
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,091
Hush. Can I, hey,
can I ask you something?
86
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,802
'Yes. Please. Please,
please ask me a question.'
87
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:41,637
I'm gonna ask you
the-the simplest question.
88
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,431
- Yes. Please.
- Is this a sex doll?
89
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:47,351
Yes, state law says that
a restaurant must sing
90
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,812
"Birthday," despite race
91
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:53,523
creed, color, inanimate.
92
00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,317
How much did you
spend on this thing?
93
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,109
- Seventeen thousand dollars.
- Seventeen thousand dollars?
94
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,653
- Oh, my God.
- It was worth it.
95
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,863
- It was worth it.
- It was worth 17--
96
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:02,699
Soon as you get in this,
never got back to human.
97
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,159
Don't do this.
Don't do that.
98
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,203
Okay. Oh, you know what?
Oh, hey, gesture police.
99
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,829
I can... I can do this.
I can do this.
100
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,832
You can do it all night.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
101
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:11,959
- Nope. No!
- I can do whatever I want.
102
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,045
If you get, if you get
the Captain Crabby shrimp--
103
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,464
Birthday shrimp for a song
104
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,133
then, yes, I will be satisfied.
105
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:22,010
Just want to go to lunch.
106
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:29,893
♪ Happy happy birthday Sue ♪
107
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,521
Ah, see? That's nice. See? What?
108
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,607
Uh-oh, she's said
I can go down on her.
109
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,526
Here? Okay, baby. Okay.
110
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,694
- Get him.
- No.
111
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,445
What? Oh, come on now.
Come on!
112
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,494
{\an8}Hey, outstanding news.
113
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,538
{\an8}I bet you're all
gonna be excited.
114
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,379
We're finally recognizing
the Armenian genocide.
115
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:01,591
I feel like every time you
do one of them drum rolls...
116
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,219
You're starting
the bar way too high.
117
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,429
'Was that too exciting?'
118
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,556
We think we're gonna have
some kind of taco bar or--
119
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,726
Oh, sorry, or they're closing
down the amusement park?
120
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,394
- Just for us? Yeah.
- 'Something, yeah.'
121
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,396
Is the Armenian genocide
some sort of festival?
122
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,106
No.
There is an Armenian festival.
123
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,566
- This is not that.
- No. Travis?
124
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:21,028
Are we gonna...
maybe redo secret Santa?
125
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,696
Maybe do two out
of three this year?
126
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,406
Just because I've heard
a lot of people saying
127
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,241
that they weren't really
specifically
128
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,576
happy with their secret Santa.
129
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,577
- Wait. No. No one said that.
- 'Who said that?'
130
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,746
'I didn't say that.'
131
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,122
- 'The-the talk--'
- I thought you said that.
132
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,457
- 'The talk is--'
- The talk is, or your talk is?
133
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,376
No, I get crazy anxiety
about pulling that.
134
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:37,586
I don't want to go
through that again.
135
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,046
That's not in the spirit
of the season.
136
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,089
We should all just...
get on board.
137
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,050
You know, we all know
each other well enough to
138
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,260
'pick gifts that represent
our personalities, I think.'
139
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,721
You know what, this is a little
off topic, guys
140
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,223
but just about those lights
the other night
141
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:51,475
headquarters called and said
it was just a helicopter
142
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,603
reflecting off a
batch of swamp gas.
143
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:55,771
'Nothing to be concerned
about.'
144
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,773
So done deal.
Good meeting, team.
145
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,316
Productive work.
146
00:05:59,317 --> 00:05:59,650
See you. See you, guys.
147
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,865
Are those guys the same guys
that are always there?
148
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,950
'That's what I was
just gonna ask.'
149
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,660
- They never talk.
- They are, right?
150
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:11,745
'Who else would they be?'
151
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,288
Why would you be in this room
152
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,956
and sit through this
if you didn't have to?
153
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,876
Exactly. Precisely.
154
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,464
What the hell?
155
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,549
Holy [bleep] [bleep].
156
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,426
- 'What?'
- 'Huh?'
157
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,636
Do we have to do secret Santa
for them guys, too?
158
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,514
No!
159
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,272
{\an8}Yeah. We should know
these guys.
160
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:41,817
{\an8}I'm just not very good with...
161
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,194
{\an8}...names or faces
162
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,404
or remembering, like
163
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,532
a whole conversation
164
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,784
or, like, part of a conversation
165
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,495
or, you know, the facts,
or the figures.
166
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:57,457
- Or the math, or the--
- Butterflies, butterflies.
167
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,668
- Oh. No. Piece of paper.
- Piece of paper.
168
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,211
But it was fluttering
just like a butterfly.
169
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,546
That's pretty. Yeah.
170
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,011
{\an8}You know how much
these houses go for?
171
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,848
{\an8}- How much?
- Four hundred thousand--
172
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,183
'Four hundred thousand?
Like, $400,000'
173
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:16,685
'I can go buy
a castle in France.'
174
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:17,727
'Ho ho. Okay.'
175
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:21,314
- Okay.
- Freeze! Neighborhood watch!
176
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,692
Come on.
Get your hands in the air.
177
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,694
Do you mind putting
the guns down...
178
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,195
And we can just get to business?
179
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:28,697
We could go check
out this house over here.
180
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,866
We're just trying
to do our job, ma'am.
181
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,659
That's not gonna ha... y-you
should go back into your car
182
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,036
and you should go back
to the sheriff's depart--
183
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,955
Let's go, let's get in our car,
and let's go back--
184
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,039
You leave your balls
at the station house?
185
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,501
You've got a gate.
Why do you have 150 guns here?
186
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,044
Because we have a very low wall.
187
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,047
- 'Freeze! Freeze!'
- 'Freeze! Neighborhood watch!'
188
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,883
No, no, no!
You don't say freeze!
189
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:51,178
You don't say freeze!
We say freeze!
190
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,554
Freeze, you [bleep]!
191
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,638
Goddamn it!
192
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:57,058
Get the [bleep] off my lawn!
193
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,149
Freeze! Neighborhood watch!
194
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,567
Oh, my God! Damn it!
195
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,364
- Who the hell are these people?
- Man, I don't know.
196
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,200
I've never been to this
neighborhood before.
197
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,868
- Jesus! Oh, God.
- Jesus.
198
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,536
- Hey, how you doing?
- Yeah.
199
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:17,746
The keys. Give me your car keys.
200
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:18,747
- I'll be right back for you.
- Go.
201
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,294
This is a gated community.
202
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,255
Dude, he's come back!
203
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:28,798
Go, go, go, go!
204
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,675
'You forgot the stereo,
ass[bleep].'
205
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,113
The Cero is silent.
206
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:55,951
We are Reno's number-one
Spanish-speaking radio station
207
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,745
and we're here with
the Reno Sheriff's Department.
208
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,627
- ...having us on the show.
- Thanks for having us.
209
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:09,005
We just want to announce to all
of your listeners out there
210
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,341
that it's bicycle safety week.
211
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,634
If you come down to the Reno
Sheriff's Department
212
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:16,805
this Saturday, we're giving
coupons for $4.00 off
213
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:17,847
any bike helmet in the area.
214
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:23,270
'Well, it is, it is
super important, though.'
215
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,813
What was that?
That was a big sleeping
216
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,942
because of your boring talking.
217
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,903
Yeah, it may not be the most
exciting thing in the World
218
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,697
but I think everybody
appreciates bike safety.
219
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,741
You know what's exciting?
Race wars!
220
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,121
- No, no, no, no.
- Race cars.
221
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,331
Time for a commercial break.
222
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,512
...no, I'll be kind.
223
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:58,888
You see,
I'm going to kill them.
224
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,890
Uh, am I crazy?
Y-you said, uh
225
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:03,893
you're gonna shoot us
with a gun when we leave.
226
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,395
Nah. That's just Spanish.
227
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,896
- It's a joke.
- That's an expression.
228
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,649
I would not shoot
you from behind
229
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:15,614
No. I will shoot you
from the front.
230
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,366
And we're back on
the air having fun.
231
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,002
{\an8}- Hey, Tru?
- What?
232
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,879
{\an8}I have an idea for
how we could, uh, check
233
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,257
{\an8}to see if the three fellows
whose names I can't remember.
234
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,383
Yeah. How?
235
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,718
- I got a plan.
- Okay.
236
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,386
It's not checked out,
but here's the thing.
237
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,430
- Okay.
- I think they're all Jews.
238
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,723
Why? What makes you think that?
239
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,390
'Just look at their faces?'
240
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:43,850
'They have those beaky
faces...'
241
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:45,393
- Yeah.
- 'But here's the thing.'
242
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,605
I need you to get some pictures
of their foreskins.
243
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,732
How am I gonna do that?
244
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,776
I think the old-fashioned way.
245
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,903
- You know what I'll do?
- 'What's that?'
246
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:57,614
- I'm just gonna go old school.
- 'Yeah?'
247
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,450
I'm gonna say,
"Hey, guys."
248
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,910
"I'm having a make-out party
at my place tonight.
249
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,620
Why don't you bring
your [bleep]?"
250
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,413
Last year for secret Santa
251
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,457
everyone got a present,
except for me, that doesn't--
252
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,875
Because the person
who got your name
253
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:09,834
didn't want to get you nothing.
254
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,754
- That's fitz.
- That's not fitz.
255
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:13,755
That's just somebody
don't like you.
256
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,590
Yeah. We got a secret Jew
in the group.
257
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:16,257
- That's what that is.
- No.
258
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,260
- Hey!
- Oh. Hey, ladies.
259
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,804
- What's happening?
- How you doing, fellas?
260
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,932
- What was that?
- Are y'all related, or...
261
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,934
No! No! No!
262
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:30,355
I thought you were related
because you're name is...
263
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,440
- What?
- I'm sorry.
264
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,067
Excuse me.
I'm eating a hot dog.
265
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:36,111
Did you just say my
name was Fernando?
266
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,154
I'm training her
for a hot dog eating contest.
267
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:38,822
We're training
for a hot dog eating contest.
268
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,116
My god. Oh.
269
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,952
Show us how fast
you can eat one.
270
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,663
Trudy! Trudy! Trudy!
271
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:51,126
Trudy! Trudy! Trudy! Trudy...
272
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,919
Alright. Um, hey,
we took care of car 57 for you.
273
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,463
Don't worry about it.
274
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:58,425
- Ugh, Jesus, these smell bad.
- 'Is it sulfur?'
275
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,009
Thanks...
276
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,638
They ain't getting
no secret Santa
277
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,014
if we don't know
who the hell they are.
278
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,606
{\an8}- Oh!'
- 'Here we go.'
279
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,943
{\an8}I [bleep] hate this place.
Let's go, sarge.
280
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,841
Oh!
281
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,348
Holy
282
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,064
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
283
00:12:56,108 --> 00:13:00,195
Ho! Sheriff's department.
284
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,863
Everybody needs to
285
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,907
cool the [bleep] out!
286
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,326
Sorry, ma'am.
287
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,579
Wish we could've made it here
in time for the action.
288
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,706
You, get the
out of my bar!
289
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,672
{\an8}- Sheriff's department.
- 'Hi.'
290
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,509
{\an8}- Uh...
- 'Uh to you, too.'
291
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,386
Mike, we're here 'cause, uh your
neighbors have been, uh...
292
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,513
...have been wondering
about you a little bit.
293
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,765
They-they-they're kind of...
they're a little concerned
294
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,391
about, uh, you know--
295
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,769
About this whole,
this whole scenario here.
296
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,104
That's nice. That's nice.
That's a nice...
297
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:39,234
You know, when you buy
into a neighborhood like this...
298
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,694
You know, you watch, you watch
each other's back, and...
299
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,656
You're-you're good?
You're-you're fine?
300
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,742
- Oh! Oh!
- 'Come on, Michael.'
301
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,118
- Michael!
- Uh-oh.
302
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,537
- Uh-oh!
- Yeah.
303
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,913
These ain't my pants.
304
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,373
Can you tell us
about last night?
305
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,375
I was partying down.
306
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,085
- Really?
- I was down...
307
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,254
- Yeah?
- Down over at the...
308
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:02,090
Oh, biker bar,
but they're not real bikers
309
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,759
the biker bar, though,
lot of fellas--
310
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,010
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Mm, then what happened?
311
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,931
We got it on... beerwise,
and then got it on
312
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,100
with a shot, and then,
"You want a??, man?"
313
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,269
"What's that?"
Oh, I did it off his back.
314
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:17,647
And then bloop. Bloop.
315
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:18,982
- Bloop is--
- Went blank.
316
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,818
- What did... oh.
- That's all you remember.
317
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,444
And then you guys hassling me.
318
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,654
It hurts when I breathe.
319
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,781
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
320
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,658
Did someone punch
you in the gut, too?
321
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,827
I think they punched me
up in the butt.
322
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:31,996
Up the butt. There's
another word for that.
323
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,588
Hey, Marvin.
324
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,175
It's not "Hey, Marvin."
It's Lee Marvin.
325
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,635
- Lee Marvin.
- Lee Marvin.
326
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,262
- Lee Marvin.
- When I said, "Hey, Marvin."
327
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:49,971
I was going to...
328
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,140
...reference...
329
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:55,268
...Lee Marvin
in that terrific picture--
330
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,478
"Paint your wagons red"?
331
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,105
- That's exactly what I meant.
- "Paint your wagons red."
332
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,315
- Yeah.
- Yep.
333
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,152
'Hi, kids.'
334
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:07,530
My name is Deputy Trudy Weigel
335
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,824
and I am from the Reno
Sheriff's Department
336
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:12,452
'and I am here today
to talk to you'
337
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,038
about your red-light areas.
338
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,123
Now, I know it's sometimes hard
339
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,626
to keep track of all of 'em
'cause we got so darn
340
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,170
many of 'em,
so I wrote a little song
341
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,129
'to help you remember'
342
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,466
'just where they are.'
343
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,176
♪ Ooh ♪
344
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,219
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
345
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,972
♪ Don't you touch my bunghole ♪
346
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,515
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
347
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:35,183
♪ Don't you touch my boobs ♪
348
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,894
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
349
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,354
♪ Don't you touch my fanny ♪
350
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,022
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
351
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,315
♪ Don't you touch my [bleep] ♪
352
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,232
♪ Ooh Lordy ♪
353
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,652
♪ Don't you touch my fun bags ♪
354
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,986
♪ Oh Lordy ♪
355
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:50,698
♪ Don't you touch my vague ♪
356
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,367
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
357
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,910
♪ Don't you touch my wiener ♪
358
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,286
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
359
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,621
♪ Don't you touch my hole ♪
360
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,039
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
361
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,666
♪ Don't you touch my scrotum ♪
362
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,167
♪ Jump down turn around ♪
363
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,836
♪ Don't play with my ♪
364
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,507
♪ Balls ♪
365
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,556
{\an8}For three years in a row
Trudy Weigel
366
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:17,850
{\an8}has gotten me for secret Santa.
367
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,103
{\an8}Uh, three years ago
368
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,479
{\an8}caramel apple.
369
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,731
I threw the caramel apple away
370
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,525
at the station.
371
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,236
Last year, swear to God...
372
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,570
...same caramel apple.
373
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,114
And, uh, every year
he throws it away,
374
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,824
so I just take it out
of the garbage.
375
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,575
Next year, I regift it,
I just put more sprinkles
376
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:36,119
on the outside and make it
look more festive.
377
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,580
Also every year,
I give him a coupon for a hug.
378
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,249
He hasn't, uh,
he hasn't turned any of 'em
379
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,460
in yet to get his hugs,
so, I think he's probably
380
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:47,380
saving them all up to trade them
in for one big [bleep] job.
381
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,933
{\an8}Got a 911 call out here
in Donner State Park.
382
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,435
{\an8}Boy, this is a long drive.
383
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,437
Thank you.
Good to see you. Yeah.
384
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,771
You okay?
385
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:04,439
You guys came in like
the Flintstones.
386
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,774
That was like yabba dabba doo.
387
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:07,442
...drive from the main highway.
388
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,318
Yeah. We had a washout, too.
389
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,611
I'm surprised you guys
got through that.
390
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,405
Yeah, I think we
bottomed out there.
391
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,073
- Took some damage, you alright?
- Goods to see you.
392
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,616
- You look good.
- Thank you.
393
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:16,784
- You lose weight?
- Thank you, yeah.
394
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,119
A little bit,
little bit, yeah.
395
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,621
- You working out?
- A little bit, little bit.
396
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,373
- You look strong.
- Not a social call, I hope.
397
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,250
- God, I hope this is not a--
- No, sir. No, no.
398
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,127
Come on over here.
Have a seat. Have a seat.
399
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,295
- 'No, no, no.'
- 'We will not sit down.'
400
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,963
'Is the perp still here?
Perp still here?'
401
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,798
- It's a bit of a yarn.
- We don't have time.
402
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,842
We don't have time
for a bit of a yarn.
403
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,510
We for sure don't have
time for a yarn.
404
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,345
So, I'm out there,
and I'm in a certain area
405
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,847
and I see something,
I'm thinking
406
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,515
"Oh, maybe that's a bear."
you know, I got Chuck
407
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:40,975
and I got Gary over
on this side.
408
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:41,809
I got names for them, you know?
409
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,352
And then I think
it was like a guy.
410
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,938
It looked like a man,
but I'm not sure.
411
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,273
- 'Cause he was--
- Vagrant, homeless fella.
412
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,733
I think it was
a homeless vagrant.
413
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:49,609
Homeless man.
Dressed as a bear?
414
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,278
Dressed as a bear,
or just your mistake?
415
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,988
I'm thinking bear,
maybe bobcat.
416
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,490
No, sir. Guys, I wouldn't
call you our here
417
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,158
for some nonsense, this guy,
although you have before.
418
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,660
You have before.
419
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:00,870
- You have before.
- Trust me, guys.
420
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,456
- Okay.
- Glen, do us a favor.
421
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,792
Be honest with us now.
422
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,502
- There was no--
- 'Man-bear.'
423
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,337
- Man-bear.
- There was a...
424
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,172
Come on, now.
425
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:14,759
There was a bear on the ridge.
426
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,844
That's where he should be,
in the national parks.
427
00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:18,346
National park, that's where
a bear should be.
428
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,265
If it was a drifter,
I'm unprepared.
429
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,476
We like you.
I think you're a good guy.
430
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,228
- You're a good guy.
- We like you.
431
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,021
What are you doing
for Christmas?
432
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:30,233
Well, going to my Chicago.
Family is doing a thing, so...
433
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,400
You?
434
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,444
Going with him to Chicago.
435
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,071
We're going to Chicago
to do a thing.
436
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,531
- We're going to Chicago.
- We have a black family.
437
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,741
Yeah,
I'll be out here by myself.
438
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,535
Saddest time of the year
is Christmas. That's a fact.
439
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,704
That's where the Donners
ate each other, right up there?
440
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,873
- Right, I believe, right there.
- Yeah. Right there.
441
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,416
It's been great.
442
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:48,376
I could've sworn
I just heard some whispering
443
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,211
over from the Donner bones,
but...
444
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,338
You might want
to check that out.
445
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:53,381
- Wow, it's been great.
- 'Oh, it's been great.'
446
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,383
- Bye, Glen.
- Bye, Glen.
447
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,552
- Don't chase the car.
- 'Don't chase the car.'
448
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,428
'It's dangerous.
Don't chase the car.'
449
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,691
'I think there's
a very good chance'
450
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,067
that the blonde one's name is
451
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:15,278
I-I yelled out, "Hey, Glarry."
452
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:18,739
- "Hey, Glarry"?
- "Glarry"?
453
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,408
'It's either...
H-he might be Gary or Larry'
454
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,076
'cause I say...
I was trying to say Gary
455
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,411
and I made a mistake.
I said, "Hey, Glarry."
456
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,413
The glasses guy kind
of looks like roge.
457
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,497
'He looks like an Ernie.'
458
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,250
Glasses guy does look
like an Ernie.
459
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,418
Are we gonna, are we gonna
start doing "Looks like"?
460
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,171
Ladies and gentlemen
of the Reno, Nevada
461
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,256
sheriff's department.
462
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,091
'You've, no doubt,
by now surmised'
463
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:38,593
'that we are not
who we claim to be.'
464
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:42,763
We are not actually members of
the Reno sheriff's department.
465
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,224
We are members of the office
of home world security.
466
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:47,143
'Yes, a rain of antimatter
was coming down'
467
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,312
'upon the very desert
in which you all live'
468
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,190
and we stopped it from
killing every last one of you.
469
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,277
- Yes?
- Is your name Glarry?
470
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,403
- That's the most ridiculous--
- That's not a name.
471
00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:00,656
Who is named Glarry?
I turned because I heard Glarry
472
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,491
'and I thought, "What
the hell does Glarry mean?"'
473
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:03,409
Flat out mistake,
and I apologize.
474
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,328
Now, please come with us
475
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,121
and we will answer
every question you have.
476
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,123
Come on.
477
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,294
- Was that not clear?
- We meant right now.
478
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,798
'Time is of the essence.'
479
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:20,509
Ladies and gentlemen, do not
forget what's happened here.
480
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:22,637
There's one thing that
you need to remember.
481
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:26,182
It's do not trust your senses.
482
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,808
We'll be in contact.
483
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:30,519
If we're not... pray.
484
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,437
- Let's go!
- Godspeed.
485
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,119
So, we don't have to
do them for secret Santa.
486
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,162
No. We don't.
487
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:49,164
Yeah!
488
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,170
Last time, I did whippits
489
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:57,338
Roy Clark appeared
490
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,466
and told me not to do
whippits anymore and I stopped.
491
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,134
Well, that would,
that would do it for me.
492
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,636
Cold turkey.
I think he's dead.
493
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,304
- You had a vision.
- Yeah, yeah. Of Roy Clark.
494
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:06,555
- Oh, no. He's long dead.
- Long dead.
495
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:09,016
Came out, big smile,
red, white, and blue banjo
496
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,560
and said, "Travis,
you straighten up."
497
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,187
you know, I got some
in the trunk.
498
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:13,729
Salvia?
499
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:14,563
Yeah. And whippits.
500
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:17,191
Oh. Not tonight.
501
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:18,359
Not, as it were, a school night.
502
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,821
I'm [bleep] with you.
503
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,364
- "School night."
- Yeah, let's do some--
504
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,574
{\an8}Let's do some
whippits really quick.
37967
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