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1
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,256
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
2
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,133
I can't tell you
how pleased I am to be here
3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:13,762
making this mandatory
public apology.
4
00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,974
49 years ago,
the Reno Sheriff's Department
5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,226
made a hum... dinger of a goof.
6
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:23,981
Bob Heron here
was wrongfully convicted
7
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,941
as the dumpster rapist.
8
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,276
So it is my pleasure
to present to you
9
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,195
Mr. Bob Heron,
not the dumpster rapist at all
10
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,157
just a guy...
11
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,451
...just a guy
who spent 49 years in jail.
12
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,326
Mr. Bob Heron, everybody.
13
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,996
- Whoo!
- Not a rapist. Not a rapist
14
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,331
- Our bad.
- Our bad.
15
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:44,335
Bobby?
16
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,593
{\an8}- Aah!
- Son of a bitch.
17
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,678
{\an8}God, damn it.
18
00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,602
{\an8}They all have guns!
19
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,649
{\an8}Woo-hoo!
20
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:09,693
{\an8}Ow!
21
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:10,986
{\an8}Push 'em. Push 'em together?
22
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,822
{\an8}Get off the bike!
I need your bike!
23
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,825
{\an8}Oh, God!
24
00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:27,044
{\an8}Boss, boss,
you're over the line.
25
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,129
{\an8}Aah!
26
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,472
{\an8}'Good morning, everybody.'
27
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,848
{\an8}- 'Good morning.'
- What's up?
28
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,518
{\an8}Hey! Terrific news.
29
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,394
Uh, let's all
congratulate him.
30
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:47,397
Uh, Jack Declan has completed...
31
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:52,194
...his 16 hours of mandatory
anger management training.
32
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,365
Can I tell you something?
33
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,033
If you end up,
if you ever end up
34
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:01,495
having to deal with those
numb-nut [bleep] knobs
35
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,081
'all you got to do is just
play it [bleep] poker-face.'
36
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,375
You don't owe them a smile.
You don't owe them a hug.
37
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,585
All you got to do
is [bleep] keep it neutral.
38
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,379
And they'll let you
walk out the [bleep] door
39
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,549
and then do whatever
the [bleep] you want.
40
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,593
Ugh!
41
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,512
Money well spent.
42
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,388
Should we not
bring out the cake?
43
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,390
Uh, no. [beep] the cake.
the cake.
44
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:25,018
'Um, as you know,
uh, we've been threatened'
45
00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,728
with a lawsuit
by Viacom International
46
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,731
we do not enforce
their copyrights.
47
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:32,776
Uh, their claim
is that we're not...
48
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,319
And they're filing
this in many states
49
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,822
that local law enforcement
is not doing enough
50
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,867
to enforce copyrights on their
copyrighted characters.
51
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,869
I'm taking about your
"SpongeBob SquarePants..."
52
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,203
- What?
- "Dora the Explorers".
53
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,080
Like your DVD collection
of that "Smurf" porn...
54
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,915
'Blah, blah, blah.'
55
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,584
- That's completely different.
- 'We're talking about...'
56
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,626
We're talking about merchandise.
57
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:50,377
I have a "Little Black Sambo"
58
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,421
potholder collection.
59
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,256
Are they gonna freak out
about that?
60
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,382
- Viacom?
- Yeah.
61
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,093
Highly unlikely, or
did you mean the black people
62
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,344
near the table
are gonna freak out?
63
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,096
'Anybody? Is any...'
64
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,806
I think there's a solid chance
these guys might freak out.
65
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,683
- I'm afraid to look over there.
- Don't look over there.
66
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,649
{\an8}You seem pretty tense
a lot of the time.
67
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:13,859
{\an8}Did somethin' happen to you
in that time
68
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,111
{\an8}that you were in Chicago?
That's where you were, right?
69
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,112
{\an8}- Chicago, right?
- Uh-hm.
70
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,907
Somethin' happen or somethin'?
71
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:24,077
It was a concentrated time
72
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:26,955
of a lot of high-stakes
situations
73
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,541
that ended me up...
74
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,129
They call it posttraumatic
stress syndrome.
75
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,340
Mm-hm. Okay. But you're
telling me you're fine.
76
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,137
Oh, I'd love to hear
you say it out loud.
77
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,310
{\an8}There's a lot of gangs
in Reno, two main gangs
78
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,478
{\an8}the 15th Street Gang
and the Kings.
79
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,146
{\an8}And they like to tag their walls
80
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,439
with these awful graffiti.
81
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,108
'Cause they don't got
a damn thing else to do.
82
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:59,738
Yeah, so we get,
about once a month
83
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,823
make our [beep] hole
look like a little bit less
84
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,825
of a [beep] hole.
85
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:04,826
Damn Kings.
86
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,499
Oh, God!
87
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,541
You think that was
the 15th Street Gang?
88
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,462
- Sorry, we were...
- We're gonna put it back!
89
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,342
Okay. There we go. No problem.
90
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,554
- 'Aah!'
- 'Get down, Williams!'
91
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:25,847
That must have been the Kings.
92
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:28,392
Holla back.
All up in the house, the Kings.
93
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,435
You're my favorite gang.
Alright, what color...
94
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,692
I think that was
my damn mama in that car.
95
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,157
{\an8}I'm getting too old
for this [beep].
96
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,534
{\an8}- Reno Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department.
97
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,744
'Hey, what are you guys doin'?'
98
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:48,578
We are going door to door
99
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:51,832
confiscating
unlicensed merchandise.
100
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,917
This is a kids' party, officers.
101
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,086
'Sorry. It's also
copyright infringement.'
102
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,546
This right here
is not "Dora the Explorer."
103
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,006
that is Dora the exploited.
104
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,549
How was I supposed to know
I got these at...
105
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,218
You want a hint?
You want a hint next time?
106
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:03,927
'Mexicans
don't have green eyes.'
107
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,554
'Ah, no, no, no.'
108
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,264
'My sister-in-law
has green eyes.'
109
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,141
'Well, then she got
raped by an Irishman.'
110
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:09,850
I pay my taxes, I cooperate...
111
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,560
'I don't care about your
taxes.'
112
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,894
'It has nothing
to do with your taxes.'
113
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:14,938
Hey, hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-uh.
114
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,023
No, no, no, no, no!
115
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:19,568
- You nasty little hooker.
- Come on! Run! Run!
116
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,570
'Get 'em, kids! Get 'em!'
117
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,072
Aah! Aah!
118
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:24,656
Son of a...
119
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,367
'Aah!'
120
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,578
Get in the car! Get in the car!
121
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:34,249
Aah! That was
like a Vietnam movie, man.
122
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,597
Spanish Radio Station
number one in Reno.
123
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:51,099
We are here with the
Reno Sheriff Department.
124
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:58,440
Uh, we are here
to, to ask the gangs
125
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,151
the, the Latin Gangs
and the Black Gangs
126
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:04,988
to all come together
so that we can unify...
127
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,948
Yeah, black and brown,
get down.
128
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:08,325
G-get down.
129
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,118
To the Spanish people of Reno
130
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,287
if you see
a black police officer
131
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:15,791
they will give you their guns
para to shoot the white man.
132
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:27,595
This is it...
133
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,847
I'm not so sure
that we wanna...
134
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:33,141
- We don't wanna kill the...
- We don't... Anybody.
135
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,310
Ah, si. But we can
agree on one thing.
136
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:36,978
We can agree on one thing.
137
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:38,855
- Crush Los gays.
- No, no, no...
138
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:41,483
That's all the time
we have on here today.
139
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,443
- That's it.
- No. Let's not do that.
140
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,112
That was great.
Thank you so much.
141
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,405
- That was great.
- Can I, can I hug you?
142
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:50,325
Yes! Of course. Yes, si.
143
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,993
Oh, can you feel it?
144
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,000
{\an8}- What's wrong?
- Our brakes are out in the car!
145
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,460
{\an8}Your brakes are out, okay
146
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,670
{\an8}everything's gonna be
just fine, alright?
147
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,297
{\an8}- We got a baby...
- There's a baby in the car?
148
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,341
Okay, everything's...
Just calm down.
149
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,510
Gina, I want you
to keep pumping those brakes.
150
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,637
- Lisa, pass the baby to me.
- What?
151
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:13,557
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
wedge this in the accelerator
152
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,641
so I can help you out.
153
00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:15,642
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Okay?
154
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:18,395
Alright, lady. Here we go.
155
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,646
- Oh, my God. Oh, God.
- Aah!
156
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,731
Got it! Got it! Got it!
157
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,066
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.
158
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,734
- You got to be kidding me.
- Save him.
159
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,902
Alright. Oh, God.
160
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,529
- Alright.
- Alright.
161
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,197
Aah!
162
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,866
Okay. Okay.
163
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,325
- Gina!
- Oh, my God!
164
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:35,453
It's working. It's working.
I got it back!
165
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:36,830
It's working, okay. Okay.
166
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,250
Let me just pull out this.
I'll pull out the baton.
167
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,797
- It's stuck!
- What's stuck?
168
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,340
My baton's stuck.
We can't stop the car.
169
00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:48,717
- We're coming back over.
- What?
170
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,719
- We're coming back over!
- No! Oh, my God.
171
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,220
Okay. We're coming back over.
172
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,722
No more cats. Uh.
173
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,308
Okay, here we go.
Are you ready?
174
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,726
- Okay. Oh!
- Aah!
175
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,603
God, damn it. Why, Rizzo?
176
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,566
God, now, listen, listen...
177
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,234
...I think there's
an airbag in there.
178
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,778
I think there's an airbag
on that side. I'm sorry, bro.
179
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:15,869
you, grandpa.
180
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:19,289
I'm out of my mind
on crystal methamphetamine.
181
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,292
My libido has gone
completely haywire.
182
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,294
And I'm fixing on raping you.
183
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,963
Please, don't rape me.
I'm your grandpa.
184
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:30,009
Shut up!
And take a raping, grandpa.
185
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:42,479
Mm. Uh-uh!
186
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,774
Another
crystal meth grandpa raped.
187
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:49,486
Another horrible case
of senior abuse
188
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:53,073
but one that's tragically
on the rise in Washoe County.
189
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:57,452
Even one senior citizen
crystal meth rape
190
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,829
is too many for our community.
191
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,916
And the number
we had last year, baby
192
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,793
it's unacceptable.
193
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,795
Now, if you
or someone you know
194
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:10,131
witness a senior rape,
do the right thing
195
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,009
and contact the
Reno Sheriff's Department
196
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:13,719
immediately.
197
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,266
{\an8}So, anyway,
it turns out that, that
198
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,684
{\an8}uh, stuff for the crotch rot
199
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:23,770
{\an8}and the stuff for the feet rot,
the same stuff.
200
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,856
- No, the same powder?
- . No.
201
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,150
- Drop it.
- Don't freak out.
202
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:31,152
- 'Drop the gun! Whoa!'
- Don't wig out.
203
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,071
- Hand over the pinata, Mike.
- That pinata...
204
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,489
Do not shoot that pinata!
205
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,032
- Do not shoot that pinata!
- You guys got...
206
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,826
You take that gun off
that pinata right now!
207
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,995
- Drop the goddamn gun.
- Drop the gun!
208
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,664
Let's drop on the count
of three! Here we go!
209
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,208
- Let's count it down together.
- One.
210
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:46,835
Two. Three
211
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,171
- Nah.
- Come on!
212
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,840
You weren't gonna drop it.
213
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,300
- You weren't gonna drop it...
- I was too.
214
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,843
- You just didn't say three.
- Look...
215
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,930
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't freak out.
216
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,057
I've got my gum in there.
It's a gum gun.
217
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,018
- 'What the...'
- 'God dammit [bleep] retard.'
218
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,561
- It's a gum gun.
- Give us your gun.
219
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:05,895
- I'll [beep] do it.
- 'You'll do what?'
220
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,982
- Oh, I'll do it.
- Chew gum out of it?
221
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,984
What are you gonna do?
Chew gum?
222
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,320
Lemme, let a dude
have his gum gun.
223
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,655
- Let the man have his gum gun!
- You know what...
224
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,824
Uh, you stink.
You live in a garbage dump.
225
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,701
- You're an idiot.
- Oh-ho!
226
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,411
I live in a garbage dump?
227
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,830
- Yeah, you live in a garbage...
- You call that a garbage dump?
228
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,206
I call that a garbage dump.
229
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,833
I don't know what it's like
230
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,877
over in your crystal palace,
Mrs. Rockefeller...
231
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,046
You don't call me misses!
232
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,715
Where you have
20 [beep] slaves
233
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,385
working for you night and day
and a Filipino jockey.
234
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,517
So my husband Craig
was executed
235
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:48,355
by the state because
he was a serial killer.
236
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:52,567
And before he died, uh,
he made these lovely videotapes
237
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,194
for our unborn son.
238
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,737
I'll let you guys
see the tapes.
239
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,073
Kind of fun.
240
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:58,782
This is not normal
white people stuff.
241
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,409
Welcome, Camper.
242
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,911
- I'm your dad, Craig.
- 'Aw!'
243
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,871
You're probably wondering
why I'm not around.
244
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,915
It's because I killed
a bunch of people.
245
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,792
And then the state caught me.
246
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,251
And then they're gonna kill me
247
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,753
and that's why
you're not gonna see me.
248
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,964
- What's funny? Nothing's funny.
- It's funny 'cause it's true.
249
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,426
I'm not ignoring you.
I'm just dead.
250
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:18,760
Guess what today is?
251
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,304
It's your first birthday.
252
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:23,557
- Happy birthday.
- Aw!
253
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,727
Blow out your candles.
254
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:30,730
Awesome.
You did an awesome job.
255
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:31,773
If this is your second birthday
256
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,484
fast forward two seconds.
257
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,321
Happy second birthday.
258
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,948
Blow out your candles.
259
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,908
You did an awesome job.
260
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,952
If this is your third birthday
261
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,078
fast forward two seconds.
262
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,579
- Oh!
- Can we just...
263
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,665
- How many birthdays does he do?
- Happy third birthday.
264
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,833
You did an awesome job.
265
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:53,461
'If this is your fourth birthday
fast forward two seconds.'
266
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:55,255
Did you make baby
with this guy?
267
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,966
- Yeah. We sold it, though.
- Holy God!
268
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:58,842
'If this
is your 40th birthday...'
269
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,511
Oh, wow.
270
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:02,971
'Happy 40th birthday,
blow out your candles.'
271
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,016
'If this
is your 106th birthday.'
272
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:08,893
Happy 106th birthday,
blow out your candles.
273
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:12,606
Awesome job.
You're probably dead by now.
274
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:17,110
But if you're not, you've
broken some kind of record.
275
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,779
So, congratulations.
You did an awesome job.
276
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:20,989
'What a dad.'
277
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,158
- Who wants a raunchy?
- I'll have a raunchy.
278
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,118
I didn't mean to say it
in a racist way, Cindy.
279
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,828
- A raunchy?
- You know, what I meant.
280
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,788
- I meant luncheon.
- But I rikey raunchy.
281
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,665
- I said it in a slightly...
- I rikey raunchy too.
282
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,792
We all rikey raunchy.
283
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,127
- Let's do it.
- Don't high-five them.
284
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:35,670
- They're both insulting you.
- No. It sounds great.
285
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,255
It's not insulting,
it's just talking
286
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,089
like you in a sing-song way,
like you talk.
287
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,341
It's not insulting,
I just a rikey
288
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:41,634
to have-a some-a raunchy.
289
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:42,677
Yeah!
290
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,137
But, seriously,
get us some lunch, would you?
291
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,305
- Yeah...
- Okay.
292
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,681
- I'll be right back.
- Thanks.
293
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:47,849
And none of that Chinese [beep].
294
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,856
{\an8}We're here
at the high school today
295
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,859
{\an8}just, you know,
checking the metal detector.
296
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,194
Keeping the school safe.
297
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,322
- Hello.
- Morning.
298
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,241
What time you,
um, wanna go to the--
299
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,119
Hey, Hey, hey, honey...
300
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,830
Come back here, you,
you thought it was a good idea
301
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:13,708
to come outside this morning
with all of this out?
302
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,335
- You look like a whore.
- You do.
303
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,628
- You do look like a whore.
- Mm-hm.
304
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,297
You look like a filthy,
a filthy little whore.
305
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,717
- There we go. What! Hey...
- That looks nice on you.
306
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:23,885
That looks nice on you.
307
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:27,597
- Hi, there, handsome.
- Not handsome at all.
308
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,516
In fact, a sad homely,
homely child.
309
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,352
- But Appropriately dressed.
- But appropriately dressed.
310
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:33,019
- Huh? Whoa. Hey!
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
311
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,145
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Seriously?
312
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:38,024
Oh-ho! And I do mean, ho.
313
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,528
When you grow up
and you get a real job
314
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,946
you're not gonna be able
to walk around
315
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,573
with your ta-tas hangin' out
and your hoo-hoos hangin' out
316
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,200
for everybody to see, okay?
317
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:51,496
Sorry, I am, I am grown up,
and I do have a real job.
318
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,748
- Sure you do, you work at...
- Oh, you grown!
319
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,917
You just grown, huh?
320
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,670
No, I'm, I'm the principal.
321
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,215
- Oh.
- Oh.
322
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,261
And a great principal you are.
323
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,720
You know how I know?
324
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:09,097
The kids are terrific.
325
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,307
Yeah, they are.
326
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:14,477
Hang in there, girl.
I mean, good job.
327
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,770
- Good job.
- Thank you.
328
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,147
By the way,
I love your thong.
329
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,191
I would wear one too
330
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,195
but I...huge thicket of pubes.
331
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:40,628
- 'Son of a bitch.'
- 'Come on. You kidding me?'
332
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,922
Not today.
Drop the ice-cream fliers!
333
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:45,592
Okay. Oh! Ah! Hey, oh.
334
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,969
- Take off the sponge.
- I don't, uh...
335
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:48,970
- Take it off.
- O-oh!
336
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,599
What? What is that?
What is that?
337
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,434
- What is that?
- What are you doing?
338
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,810
Uh, I, I get frustrated.
339
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,979
When I get frustrated,
I, uh, I experience...
340
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,981
You don't get
cartoon frustrated with me.
341
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,150
- Look...
- Arresting SpongeBob!
342
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,152
This is my job, okay?
343
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,653
And you're making
my job difficult.
344
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:06,863
Yup.
345
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,156
Now, I wanna go home tonight.
346
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,158
I want to relax
in front of some TV.
347
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,827
I wanna whack it,
and I wanna go to sleep early.
348
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,329
'But if you give me a hard
time'
349
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,663
I'm gonna think all night about
350
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:16,497
how I wished I'd killed you.
351
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:19,334
Now, you take off
this [beep] costume.
352
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,545
- Sorry, kids.
- Frickin' costume, kids.
353
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,047
I can't believe you,
you guys are really...
354
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:27,842
- Not the real SpongeBob, kids.
- Yeah, don't get freaked out.
355
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:28,384
'This is just a bad man.'
356
00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:30,720
- Hey, hey.
- Oh!
357
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,138
Are those officially licensed
Batman underpants?
358
00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:34,474
- I pray to God.
- No, you don't.
359
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,309
- Take off the underpants.
- Take off the underpants!
360
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,810
- Take off...
- Get out of the way!
361
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,187
- I got a clean shot!
- Take off the underpants.
362
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,648
Move over!
Travis, move over!
363
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,484
- Get him!
- Alright.
364
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,193
Let me see those things.
365
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,862
You're good kids.
366
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:48,696
You eat that ice-cream.
367
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,074
'Check the girl's socks.'
368
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,743
Oh, no.
369
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,162
I'm sorry.
Don't hate the police.
370
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,206
Hate your parents.
371
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,545
- 'My name is Glen.'
- 'My name is Bill.'
372
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:07,256
- And who here likes vacations?
- I do.
373
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:11,052
'But it's tough
to take vacation'
374
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,222
when you only have five days
allotted the entire year.
375
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,265
You know what? We're gonna do
a little magic here.
376
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,226
What would you say
if we took those five days...
377
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:21,521
We took those five days and we
378
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:22,230
abracadabra made them ten days!
379
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:26,359
Whoo!
Ten days of vacation time!
380
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,568
- Wow.
- Yeah!
381
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,237
Is that happening?
Is that happening?
382
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,739
'It can happen, it can happen'
383
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,034
if you believe in the program
we're talking about.
384
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,244
We're talking about a program.
385
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,038
Who wants to book a vacation?
No one, right?
386
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,665
'Who wants to think about
where they're going?'
387
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,710
Who wants to, uh,
call up a hotel, go on-line?
388
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,503
That sounds like
a lot of hassle to me.
389
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,921
- 'It is.'
- 'Exactly.'
390
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,214
'It is a lot of hassle,
but not anymore.'
391
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:52,760
If you want ten days,
all you have to do is vacation
392
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,221
at one of three resorts that
we have predetermined for you.
393
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:57,390
'A resort like a
resort-resort?'
394
00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:01,436
It's a resort in the
greater Tampa metropolitan area.
395
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,146
- Wow.
- ya!
396
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,897
'And they are so nice.'
397
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:06,816
How about a place
called Casa Laguna? Boom!
398
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:07,525
- Casa Lagunas!
- Yeah!
399
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,569
'It all takes place'
400
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,612
right here,
here, and here in Tampa.
401
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,781
what
the hell is that?
402
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:16,242
Guys, it is so beautiful.
You got to see this place.
403
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:21,456
You are just a short
tram ride away from the beach.
404
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,291
How could we possibly
afford this on a cop's salary?
405
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,418
'Well, that's the thing.'
406
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,252
What we do is we go like this.
407
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:31,632
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Oh, oh, oh! Boom!
408
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,468
'What are we talking about
right here, guys?'
409
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,678
- We talking about Tupperware's.
- Yeah.
410
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:39,307
All you got to do
is sell over 50 dollars
411
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,350
of Tupperware
to three to five friends.
412
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,687
Every week
for the next six months.
413
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:47,815
And then you will qualify
for the package.
414
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,816
What was your favorite time
in your life?
415
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,985
When you had sleepovers
with your friends? Yeah!
416
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,320
- Yeah.
- I love sleepovers.
417
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,280
- Everybody all together, right?
- Yeah!
418
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:57,617
Well, we are gonna give you
a bona fide dorm room experience
419
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,619
because you are gonna be
sharing this condo
420
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,371
with up to seven
different people.
421
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,832
And some of them the beauty
of it, you don't even know 'em
422
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,334
so you make new friends.
423
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,337
And we're gonna
talk about security too.
424
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,297
Every window has bars on them.
425
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:12,340
- You're protected.
- 'Great.'
426
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,382
You're not gonna have to worry
427
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,551
about your stuff getting stolen.
428
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,220
And if you're afraid
of other things
429
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,346
that might happen at the beach
430
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,388
such as shark attacks,
did you know
431
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:22,016
that the occurrence
of a shark attack
432
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,309
the odds of that happening
are so miniscule
433
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,187
to almost be negligible?
434
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,313
It's so negative able
it makes me wonder
435
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,440
why you even brought it up.
436
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,984
'Well, we have
to bring it up by law.'
437
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,070
So we get ten nights,
and it all includes
438
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:37,657
a resort, two rides on the tram,
a job, mandatory lectures
439
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,034
and all we have to do is sell
$12,000 worth of Tupperware!
440
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:40,910
- Exactly!
- Exactly!
441
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:44,038
- I'm going to the Tampa area!
- Yeah!
442
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,999
We need an investment
from you for the Tupperware.
443
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,584
So you're gonna put
some money out.
444
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:49,335
And then you're gonna
get your money back...
445
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,336
- Am I right?
- Yeah.
446
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,463
Come outside to our van.
447
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,424
And we are gonna give
you some Tupperware!
448
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:59,887
Tupperware! Tupperware!
Tupperware! Tupperware!
449
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,565
'We can just throw
all this stuff off here?'
450
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,817
- 'I feel like a crap
sandwich.'
- 'How do you mean?'
451
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,568
I didn't get
into law enforcement
452
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,444
to make a bunch
of kids miserable.
453
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:18,698
I got into law enforcement
for the outside possibility
454
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,117
I'd get to shoot a man
and get away with it
455
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:23,286
through self-defense.
456
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:26,247
I've always felt like
I was the wrathful hand of God.
457
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:31,419
Today I felt like
I was the devil clawing up
458
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,255
from hell and stealing
happiness from children.
459
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,925
Listen.
460
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,389
You hear that?
461
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,141
It sounds like a party.
462
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,601
It sounds like, uh...
463
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,229
...quinceanera music,
birthday party.
464
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:51,606
How can they be celebrating?
465
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:57,028
I saw them all crying
and screaming and begging.
466
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,614
I even stole a little girl's
SpongeBob leggings.
467
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,409
How can they be... celebrating?
468
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:08,456
They're down there
celebrating without pinatas.
469
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,250
But they shouldn't have to.
470
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,003
You know what?
471
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,297
I thought I'd never say this.
472
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:17,382
But [bleep] Johnny Law.
473
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,559
Let's run some red lights.
Whoo!
474
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:39,528
- Hey!
- Today's on us.
475
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,156
Free almost-genuine SpongeBob!
476
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:44,492
- You got a kid?
- Everybody loves SpongeBob.
477
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,285
This is kinda like SpongeBob.
478
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:52,541
Hold it, you're under arrest
for copyright infringement.
479
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,835
Get away from the car.
Do it, go, go, go.
480
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,506
- 'Boy, your car's...'
- Push my head down.
481
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,508
I hit my head,
I'm gonna [bleep] kill you.
482
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,385
You do not [bleep] with Viacom.
483
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,053
- Yes, sir.
- Over there.
484
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,472
High Sierre Carpeting.
485
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,519
- Do you guys like menudo?
- This together.
486
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,354
- Um, uh... sure.
- Yeah. Menudo?
487
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,648
- Yeah.
- Can you say menudo?
488
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,525
- We like menudo.
- What about manu-re?
489
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,072
No, Ch-Ch-Chupacabra?
490
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,198
What are you...
What is that?
491
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:26,242
That's manu-re!
492
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:28,995
Menudo is the new manure.
493
00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:33,666
- 'Will you stop.'
- Uh-oh!
494
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:36,002
Mm, mm. Perdoname.
495
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,089
That was the baby
in the Radio Station.
37114
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