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1
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:06,130
Pull over
and exit your vehicle
2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,215
with your hands in the air!
3
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:10,426
'Pull over, and,
oh, son of a bitch.'
4
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,052
'He's ditchin'!
He's ditchin'!'
5
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,429
Freeze, mother[bleep]!
6
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,222
Goddamn it! I lost him!
7
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,558
Talk to me! Talk to me, people.
You have a 20 on him?
8
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:19,810
'In the back of the house, he's
running through the backyard.'
9
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,270
'Okay, lieutenant,
turn right. Turn right.'
10
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,980
That, that way?
11
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,607
- Stage my left or my right?
- 'Your right.'
12
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,692
Stage right!
13
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,485
'Suspect is entering
the property...'
14
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,279
Talk to me!
Come on, mother[bleep]!
15
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,449
You're the one with
the [bleep] view, dumb ass!
16
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:36,243
- 'You got him. Go!'
- This way? Right here?
17
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,912
- 'Go, go, go!'
- Yes or no?
18
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:41,124
- Yes or no, dumb ass?
- 'Yes, lieutenant.'
19
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,335
Gaah!
20
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,380
Yeah, who's the
dumb ass now?
21
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:51,801
Son of a bitch.
Goddamn it!
22
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:56,930
Come on.
23
00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,058
{\an8}They all have guns!
24
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,189
{\an8}Whoo hoo!
25
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,984
- Ow!
- Push them together?
26
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:10,695
{\an8}Get off the bike!
Off your bike.
27
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,073
{\an8}Oh! God!
28
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:25,417
Aah!
29
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,804
{\an8}'Good morning, gang.'
30
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:41,683
{\an8}'Oh. Hey, the, uh, the people
who make our new ammunition...'
31
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:44,395
um, it's comin' in
from China.
32
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,315
So basically, they've said,
be patient with it.
33
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,692
If it don't go, you just
shake it out of the gun.
34
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:51,527
Shake it out of the gun,
it'll fall out.
35
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,737
I don't why this would
ever come up
36
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,197
but they also said
never, ever, ever
37
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:58,200
put our new ammunition
in your mouth. Ever.
38
00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,202
- 'Trudy?'
- My bad.
39
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:03,372
Um, as you know, they're
removing all the asbestos
40
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:06,041
out of the station
which apparently made up
41
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,459
80% to 85%
of the infrastructure.
42
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,419
I actually heard the cafeteria
trays were made of asbestos.
43
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:12,005
The trays were also
made of asbestos.
44
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:14,383
Um, they said,
within the next five, six days,
45
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,717
it'll all be removed.
46
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:16,760
Uh, we can go back
to the station
47
00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:20,556
and meanwhile, we'll be
operating out of, uh...
48
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,390
Captain Crabby's
shrimp wharf here.
49
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,393
Everybody get
their settlement check?
50
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,853
- 'Seventy-one bucks.'
- Whoo!
51
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,104
- 'Not bad, huh?'
- Yeah.
52
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,230
'Not bad, huh?'
53
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:31,733
The, uh, the new rape kits
are in a metric.
54
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,111
That's why we can't
figure them out.
55
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,279
'They are in metric,
so here's the thing...'
56
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:40,033
What's in a rape kit?
Like, a gag and chloroform?
57
00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:41,201
- Hey, Bernie.
- Thanks.
58
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,287
I just don't mean
to interrupt.
59
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,413
We really appreciate
you guys being here.
60
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,290
If you could just
cut out the foul language.
61
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,625
The language. Sure,
sure, sure, absolutely.
62
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,419
- And, hey, and it's Bernie?
- Mm-hmm, Bernie, yeah.
63
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,755
Um, did we establish that
we are all on separate checks?
64
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:54,923
- Yeah, separate checks.
- Separate checks.
65
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:55,966
Great. Awesome.
Thanks a lot.
66
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,802
- Thanks, Bernie.
- 'Oh, come on. Come on, man .'
67
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:00,470
Don't make a difference
for me. I'm free.
68
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:03,390
What, what did you
get there, Jack?
69
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,266
This is the bet you can't.
70
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,268
This is the first
of five plates.
71
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:11,940
If you can eat seven pounds of,
uh, fried seafood, it's free.
72
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,485
Hey, Jim, smell my fingers.
It smells like vag.
73
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:19,656
- It's just crab.
- It smells exactly like vag.
74
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,579
{\an8}We are on, uh,
special assignment.
75
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,456
{\an8}Uh, for the state's
attorney's office.
76
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:31,501
{\an8}Uh, picking up convicted serial
murderer Calvin Robin Tomlinson.
77
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,295
Uh, I guess he cut
some kind of deal
78
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,631
with the state's
attorney's office.
79
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,424
Uh, if he shows us
where the body
80
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:40,135
of his last victim is buried.
81
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:40,427
I guess he gets
a reduced sentence.
82
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:43,348
I don't think that's right.
83
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,308
I don't either but...
84
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,311
We wanna help the family
bury their loved one.
85
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,439
So what are you gonna do?
86
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,193
Keep both eyes
on this psychopath
87
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:56,985
at all times, alright?
88
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:59,238
He's slippery.
I certainly will.
89
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,823
I'm literally slippery.
90
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:04,993
Don't try to humor me, sir.
Don't engage me.
91
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,495
Don't humor me and
don't engage me, sir.
92
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,996
Okay!
Ready to go?
93
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,123
Shotgun!
Heh heh heh!
94
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:13,001
- Yes.
- Shotgun, seriously.
95
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,711
I would like to ride
in the front seat.
96
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:16,296
- No.
- Please?
97
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:18,090
No, sir. You will not ride
shotgun in the vehicle.
98
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,800
No. No, no, no.
99
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,343
Mr. Tomlinson? Okay.
100
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,511
If you ride in the front
will you show us where
101
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,680
the body is
very quickly, please?
102
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,555
- Yes, I will.
- Fine. You can ride shotgun.
103
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,556
Thank you, mustache.
104
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,643
Don't call me mustache.
105
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:35,023
{\an8}Freeze!
Sheriff's department!
106
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,401
{\an8}Sir, don't make me do this!
107
00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:40,488
Freeze! Freeze!
108
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:41,531
Sir!
109
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,450
Damn it! Damn it!
110
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,535
He's jacking that car!
111
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,163
Don't do that!
Don't, goddamn it.
112
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:52,874
Hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
113
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:56,545
Whoa! Sheriff's department!
We need this van!
114
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,754
We have to commandeer
your vehicle!
115
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,548
We have to commandeer
this vehicle!
116
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,009
'You mean, the Sheriff's
department. This is exciting.'
117
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,553
Pull over!
Sheriff's department!
118
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,595
Well, it looks like
we've been commandeered
119
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:08,098
by the Reno
sheriff's department.
120
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,558
Isn't this exciting?
Oh!
121
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,562
Deputy Rizzo, this.
122
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,565
Oh! This is exciting.
He knows Japanese.
123
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,567
We are a very
multicultural city.
124
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:22,612
O-on the left, you'll see our
bowling hall of fame. Yes!
125
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:23,530
I bowled a perfect game
one time.
126
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:24,531
That's exciting!
127
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,075
Right here on the right
128
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,369
is where they used
to hold divorces.
129
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,455
Before 1950,
this was the only place
130
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,373
you could
really get a divorce.
131
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,209
Right here,
this is the mayor's house.
132
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,044
Mayor Hernandez.
133
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:40,380
He was not indicted
on those charges.
134
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,382
Contrary to popular belief.
135
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,925
Oh, God! If you look...
136
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:51,266
Yeah. Uh-huh.
137
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,726
How's everybody doing?
138
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,602
That was fun, huh?
139
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:56,689
- Yeah!
- Thank you.
140
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:01,610
Mr. Tomlinson?
141
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,487
The sky is
so beautifully...
142
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:06,281
This is not
a sightseeing trip.
143
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,908
This is not a trip
to Legoland.
144
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,284
We are not going
to Legoland today.
145
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,286
Do you understand me?
Do you understand me?
146
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,287
I understand
what you're saying.
147
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,330
Are you listening to me?
148
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,748
What does that mean,
two fingers--
149
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,166
I mean, look at my eyes.
150
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:16,958
Is that listening
or looking?
151
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,127
'Cause you,
you're talking listening
152
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:19,711
and then you're
pointing at your eyes.
153
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,670
Listen and look at me!
154
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:24,257
Your only job today...
155
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,593
Yes! Is to take you
to the body.
156
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,512
- Take me to the body.
- I completely understand.
157
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,972
North, south, east, west,
where am I goin'?
158
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,849
Okay. One quick pit stop.
159
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:36,394
I need a delicious frozen
slushy fountain beverage
160
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,938
and then we'll go
straight to the body.
161
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,481
- Oh, hell, no.
- One quick stop, seven minutes.
162
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,483
I agree with
Williams on this.
163
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,027
Take me back to jail
immediately.
164
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:44,820
Take me back to jail!
165
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:50,700
If... I buy you
a fountain slushy
166
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,160
you will show us
where the body is--
167
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,495
I'm finding it difficult
to concentrate.
168
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,163
- 'Cause of the weapon?
- No, because your hand.
169
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,666
It's touching my shoulder.
170
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:03,547
{\an8}'$115,000 damage
to automobiles.'
171
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,090
{\an8}- Ran over stop signs.
- Sure did.
172
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,341
Broke a storefront
window.
173
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:07,259
Yep.
174
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,136
Three Japanese tourists
have whiplash
175
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,513
and we're getting sued
by the tour company.
176
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,515
It's a goddamn team.
Work like a team member.
177
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,183
I got the mayor
breathing down my throat.
178
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:17,227
I got the commissioner
asking me to take your badge.
179
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,354
Oh, [bleep] the mayor.
the commissioner.
180
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,314
No, you know what?
you, Rizzo!
181
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,401
- you!
- [bleep] you!
182
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:24,860
Guys. Guys.
183
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,988
Keep it down?
184
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,574
me?
No, [bleep] you, Rizzo.
185
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,160
...the street.
I know what it's like.
186
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,327
But you play
within the rules.
187
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:35,704
You bend them,
but you don't break 'em.
188
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,372
You're breaking
the goddamn rules.
189
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,082
You're breaking my ass,
and I'm sick of it.
190
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,709
I want your badge
and I want your goddamn gun.
191
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,544
Okay! I'll give you
my glasses too!
192
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,712
And my badge.
193
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,007
Gonna have to ask you
to leave.
194
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:49,510
Okay.
Man, I'm sorry.
195
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,597
Uh, well, just, where we are
usually, we can be loud.
196
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,724
So it's, it's hard to get
used to accommodating.
197
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,894
Um, could I get that
to go?
198
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,897
Of course, yes.
Of course.
199
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,069
One false move, I swear...
200
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,362
You swear what?
201
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,614
One false move,
Calvin, and I swear...
202
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,867
Okay, take me back,
because maybe I would like
203
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,286
to make a false move
now and again.
204
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:17,954
- Can I make a false move?
- Enjoy the float!
205
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:21,041
- Enjoy the float.
- Nope. That was a false move.
206
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,792
- And you were fine, okay?
- We're fine.
207
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:24,252
And you will
get to see the body.
208
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,129
- We are fine.
- Lift it for me.
209
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,589
Feed me. Bring it closer.
210
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:31,302
Angle it. Forty degrees.
Too much.
211
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,807
Calvin... this is,
this is stupid.
212
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:38,892
Don't deep-throat the straw.
213
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,227
Don't you deep-throat...
214
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,061
Is he deep-throating the straw?
215
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,104
It's the only way
I know how to drink.
216
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,232
It's not the only way
you know how to drink.
217
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,442
- Do you have to use the potty?
- Yes.
218
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,820
- You do?
- Not anymore.
219
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,949
- Did you tinkle yourself?
- A little bit.
220
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,584
Yeah, we're not allowed
back in the station
221
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,837
for at least, I think, ooh,
what is it, like, six days.
222
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,798
Uh, while they remove
all of the asbestos
223
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,841
that apparently made up
all the flooring tiles
224
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,219
all of the ceiling tiles.
225
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,846
All of the insulation in the
walls also was made of asbestos
226
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,975
And for two months
after they found the asbestos.
227
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,269
- They gave us little masks.
- Mm-hmm.
228
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,687
Made of [bleep] asbestos.
229
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,606
We found that out later, that's
what they were made out of.
230
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,156
So now that
we're all good.
231
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:35,907
Does anything
around here look familiar?
232
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:38,326
Are we gonna watch
"Cold Mountain"
233
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,995
at your house
or at your house?
234
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,038
- What?
- Please?
235
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,957
Seriously? You wanna watch
"Cold mountain" first?
236
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,834
With the director's
commentary.
237
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,629
After we watch "Cold Mountain"
on VHS in my home...
238
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,463
Mm-hmm.
239
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:51,840
You will show us
where the body is.
240
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,508
And you need to let me
241
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,051
deep-throat your pinky.
242
00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:56,887
- No, sir.
- Deal's off.
243
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,930
Do it. Do it.
244
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,682
'Aww.'
245
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,685
- No. No. Please?
- Okay. Enough!
246
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,353
Now we're gonna
watch "Cold mountain"
247
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:06,855
and then we go
to the body, okay?
248
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,065
Hit it.
249
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,484
Oh! Well...
250
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,069
It's better
than I remember.
251
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,697
- It was long.
- But it's a beautiful movie.
252
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,533
It is beautiful, and she,
Renee Zellweger...
253
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:19,367
I've written her
so many letters
254
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,537
and I haven't
heard back from her.
255
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,835
Just a reminder that Friday
is class picture day.
256
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,837
So if you can't
actually order pictures
257
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,715
please come and have
your picture taken anyway
258
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:34,758
so that we knew you existed.
259
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:38,887
Um, so let's now welcome
Officer Declan
260
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,223
and Deputy Junior.
261
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,600
Uh, before we get started
262
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,769
it's actually, uh,
Sergeant Declan.
263
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,022
I worked, uh, pretty hard
for that, and, uh...
264
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,899
it's just like the same way
if someone's a doctor
265
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,233
you call him doctor,
not mister.
266
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,402
Oh. I'm very sorry
about that.
267
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,197
Look. You can go ahead
and do it again, quick.
268
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,700
Let's please welcome
Sergeant Declan
269
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,035
to the floor.
270
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,413
We'd like to introduce you
to another deputy we have.
271
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,873
Ms. Ladybug!
272
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:10,127
Everybody say,
"Good morning, Ms. Ladybug."
273
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,381
Who here likes
to be tickled?
274
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,758
'I know I do. Yeah.'
275
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,638
And who here is
under 15 years old?
276
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,765
'See? So is Ms. Ladybug.
277
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,767
That means that
in the state of Nevada
278
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:30,980
there are places where
you can tickle Ms. Ladybug.
279
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:33,608
- Like right there.
- That tickles!
280
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,568
And then there are places
where you are not
281
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:38,279
supposed to tickle Ms. Ladybug.
282
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,447
Rape!
283
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:42,367
See? So, when
Ms. Ladybug asks...
284
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,618
Tickles.
285
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,911
- You can tickle Ms. Lady--
- Rape!
286
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,079
Oh, come on.
287
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,747
- Rape!
- Come on.
288
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,666
You saw where I touched her.
You saw that I
289
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,500
you saw where
I touched her.
290
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,835
'Touched her in the head.'
291
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,336
Alright. Sorry.
Okay. Sorry, kids.
292
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,462
- I'll hold her down.
- Rape!
293
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,965
Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
294
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:03,346
Rape. Rape. Rape.
295
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,306
Any question, kids?
296
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,641
Well... heh.
297
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,894
Remind me to
never get raped.
298
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,483
{\an8}- How's it goin'?
- Hi!
299
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,652
{\an8}- We saw your ad, Terry.
- What?
300
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,945
Which, um...
301
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:19,946
The one that you put in
where it says that
302
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,990
you're givin out
jobs
303
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,658
under the bleachers
at the Little League Field.
304
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:24,951
- And ask for Terry.
- Yeah.
305
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,036
- That one.
- Yeah.
306
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,663
I don't think that
that was me.
307
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,833
It was, how did they how did
they spell Terry?
308
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,126
With a capital T...
309
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,502
Okay.
310
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,003
- E.
- E.
311
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,338
- R.
- Right.
312
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:38,339
R.
313
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,800
- Right.
- Y.
314
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:41,509
See? Here's the thing.
315
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:44,971
I have... four Rs
in my name now.
316
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,848
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
317
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,391
So it's a different Terry.
318
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:51,019
I'm just here watching
America's pastime, you know.
319
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:55,316
Damn it! Damn it,
we're losing now!
320
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,235
You know else is losing?
321
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,238
Iraq?
322
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:08,411
Okay, one quick
Pilates lesson
323
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:09,996
then you will show us,
yes, Calvin?
324
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:13,333
- Yes.
- Fine. Six, seven, eight.
325
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,043
And we're breathing,
you're breathing
326
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,712
from your core as you do it.
327
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,132
- Did you fart?
- Sorry.
328
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,221
Screw you, grandpa!
329
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,014
If you're supposed to be
the greatest generation.
330
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:31,684
How come you smell
like Jell-O and pee?
331
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,770
Now, give me your
social security checks
332
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:37,065
so that I can buy alcohol
and play the lottery with it.
333
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,275
I need that money
for medicine.
334
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,487
you, grandpa!
335
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,241
Gimme the
money, grandpa!
336
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,868
I'm gonna abuse the hell
out of you till you do.
337
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,079
I'll kill you dead.
338
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,998
It's a scene that's
all too familiar.
339
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,417
Senior abuse.
340
00:13:56,418 --> 00:14:00,421
Every single day, hundreds of
senior citizens are abused
341
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,256
in Washoe County.
342
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:05,134
They're shaken, stabbed,
punched, shot
343
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,095
strangled, and recently
344
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,222
one was tied to
the bumper of a van
345
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,558
and dragged on a gravel road.
346
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,269
All for their social security
checks.
347
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,813
Senior abuse is a serious crime
348
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:21,401
and these social security checks
aren't even for that much money.
349
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,821
This is one crime
that is not worth the time.
350
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:28,200
This has been a message from
the Reno sheriff's department.
351
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,666
I, I was surprised when he chose
to do the remake of "Alfie."
352
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,959
I thought that
was pretty weird--
353
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,085
He's brilliant
in everything he does.
354
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:40,503
You think so, really?
355
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,130
- I love Jude Law so much.
- I just feel like--
356
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,007
But in "Cold Mountain" and
he needs to make his way back
357
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,174
through the civil war...
358
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:48,511
- Yeah.
- I love our friendship.
359
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:50,346
We're not really
friends, Calvin.
360
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:51,306
I would like to be friends.
361
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,474
Hey, are you just about
done over there or--
362
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,184
Oh, I finished
45 minutes ago.
363
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,185
Oh, for [bleep] sake,
Calvin.
364
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,730
I need a little wipe though.
365
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,152
'Alright, you damn convict!'
366
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,321
Don't try
any funny stuff!
367
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,239
No one's ever broken
out of that cell
368
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,034
and gotten away
with it alive!
369
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,035
This is strawberry
shortcake.
370
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:15,079
He thinks
he's in a jail cell.
371
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,122
But we didn't have
enough room today
372
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,833
'cause they're clearing out
for asbestos.
373
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:21,502
It's a whole,
it's a whole long story.
374
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:23,047
'Hi, Trude.'
375
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,675
How do you spell, is it
prepetrate or perpetrate?
376
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:28,718
He's a convict.
377
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,219
He thinks he's
in a jail cell.
378
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,723
Oh.
379
00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:35,141
Keep it down
in there, convict!
380
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,352
Keep it down
in there, rodent!
381
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:38,853
I don't wanna have
to tell you again
382
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:42,023
or I'll come in there
and toss your salad for you.
383
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,192
Opening up cell block
number four, boss!
384
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,819
Open up four!
385
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,529
What are you guys doing?
386
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,239
He thinks
he's in jail.
387
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,366
Oh, okay.
388
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,158
Keep it down
in there, convict!
389
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,369
Keep it down!
390
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,244
Oh, God! Oh, God!
391
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,038
Down here! Down here!
392
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:00,208
My cellmate
done hung himself!
393
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,585
He done hung himself!
394
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,545
Keep it down
in there, convict!
395
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:06,381
Keep it down.
396
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,717
This is the worst birthday
party I ever been to.
397
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:11,844
Lordy, lordy!
398
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:15,598
Look, woman, I'm tired of your
naggin' and your natterin'.
399
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,725
If you don't leave me alone
400
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:20,395
there's gonna be
hell to pay.
401
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,397
Hell, I tell you!
402
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,775
{\an8}Why don't you just
go on back, do your work now
403
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,235
{\an8}and leave me and my boy
to our own?
404
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:30,405
{\an8}We can survive
on our own out there.
405
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,906
{\an8}I say we could.
406
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:36,577
We're keepin' an
entire negro family?
407
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,458
Goddamn it, Calvin.
408
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,043
Goddamn it, man.
409
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,170
We were supposed to
have you back seven hours ago.
410
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:48,965
You'd better be
right about this.
411
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,592
We'd better find
a damn body out here.
412
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:52,301
You damn well
better be right.
413
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:55,222
I'm pretty sure...
414
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,894
That, I don't think
that's good to eat.
415
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,146
That can't be good to eat.
416
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,148
- What are you doing?
- We're close. We're close.
417
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,232
One, two, three.
418
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,109
Ten paces.
419
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,111
One, two, three.
420
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:13,990
Two, three.
421
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,242
this.
422
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,452
- Right here!
- Right here?
423
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,287
- Is not the spot.
- Goddamn it!
424
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,372
I don't need to know what is
not the spot, Calvin.
425
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,458
Three, two, one.
426
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,418
Up. Power line.
427
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,461
Where's the moon?
428
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,755
I remember the moon shining
429
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,757
glistening on
his rotting skin.
430
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,300
- Okay.
- I can still smell...
431
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,802
Okay. Think hard.
Think back.
432
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,095
- Think back.
- The hole...
433
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,221
- Okay.
- The digging.
434
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,640
- The digging is...
- The sweat.
435
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:40,391
We're on it.
This is it right here.
436
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,350
- Oh!
- Yeah.
437
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:43,228
Wow. Right here?
438
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:50,193
♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪
439
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:54,489
♪ All the live-long day ♪
440
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:58,326
♪ Dinah won't you blow ♪
441
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:02,330
♪ Dinah won't you
blow your horn? ♪
442
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:08,169
♪ Dinah won't you blow ♪
443
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:12,715
♪ Your horn? ♪
444
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,509
Can I borrow
your cell phone?
445
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,302
Don't have mine with me.
446
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,012
Who would you call,
anyway, Calvin?
447
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,223
1-800-dark-[bleep].
448
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,319
Well, I got
a health compensation check
449
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,364
from the sheriff's
department for $71
450
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:40,868
for working in
a asbestos-filled station.
451
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:43,538
And then I spent $87
on seafood this week
452
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,498
at Captain Crabby's
shrimp wharf.
453
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:49,378
So the way I look at it,
that's, like, 90% off.
454
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,756
Love it. Cha-ching.
455
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,427
Calvin?
456
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,556
I'm gonna ask you
one last time.
457
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,182
Are you full of [bleep]?
458
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:04,392
There is nothing
here, man.
459
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,395
There is
nothing here.
460
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,271
I might have been off.
461
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:11,524
You might have been off?
462
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,025
I swear to [bleep] God
463
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,194
if you're off, I will
kick, oh, [bleep].
464
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,404
That's it. That's it.
465
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,405
- Is that it?
- Whoops. That's it.
466
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,781
- You found it.
- That's it!
467
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,283
Goddamn it.
It was right there.
468
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,076
How long has he
been down there?
469
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,745
- We got him though.
- Uh, eight and a half years.
470
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,414
Oh, this is not gonna be
471
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:27,957
not gonna be
very nice, people.
472
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,959
Okay. Here we go.
473
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,461
Tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick...
474
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,589
Why are you making
ticking sounds?
475
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,756
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I making a ticking sound?
476
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,009
No, you very distinctly
were making a ticking sound.
477
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:38,385
Nervous habit.
478
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,513
I won't do it again,
I promise.
479
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:43,389
- It's booby-trapped.
- I don't know.
480
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:46,601
No, I know.
It's booby-trapped.
481
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,269
it! You know what?
No. You do it.
482
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:48,686
Calvin, you do it.
483
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,605
Come to papa.
484
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,358
- Watch your eyes, Joe.
- I'm so sorry.
485
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,944
I am so sorry.
486
00:19:56,945 --> 00:20:01,407
Oh! Oh, there you are.
487
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,451
Don't, don't, don't touch it.
Don't touch it. Don't touch it.
488
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,952
'It's just a body. It's, oh!'
489
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:08,664
There you are.
Hands up in the air right now!
490
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:11,042
All the way up. Good.
491
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,128
Now, throw your guns and your
car keys in the backpack.
492
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,380
- Do it!
- Doin' it. Doin' it. Doin' it.
493
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:18,424
Now come here.
We gotta undo these cuffs.
494
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,800
Set that down.
495
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:22,637
There's a key in my rectum.
Fish it out.
496
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,014
Fish it!
497
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,807
A little left.
498
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,644
Dig in there.
Use your index finger.
499
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,812
Lower. Good.
500
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,857
Good God, you got it
far up there. Jesus.
501
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,027
- Okay.
- Okay.
502
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,571
Okay. Take this scooter
out, please, both of you.
503
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,116
Come on. Let's move.
504
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,663
Jesus [bleep] Christ,
this was organized.
505
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,206
Oh, one last thing.
506
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:51,040
"Cold Mountain" sucks.
507
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:54,168
And what you don't know
about Pilates
508
00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,462
could fill a book.
509
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,635
- Oh, [bleep].
- 'What?'
510
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,511
I have handcuff keys on me.
511
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,973
{\an8}
Kato Miso Rice.
512
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:10,476
Calvin, right now,
what I need you to do
513
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,353
is I need you to tell me
where we're goin'.
514
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:15,022
You are my divining rod
right now, Calvin--
515
00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:16,565
That mustache is fake,
isn't it?
516
00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:17,484
- It is not fake.
- Let me check.
517
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:21,153
Ow! Ow! [bleep] it.
518
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:23,155
Hey!
519
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:24,407
Don't tug
the 'stache again.
520
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:27,159
- Okay?
- I promise.
521
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,577
When you said you wanted
to tug the 'stache.
522
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:30,037
I thought you just
wanted to touch it.
523
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,539
I didn't know you were gonna
pull on it really hard.
524
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,375
Well, I assumed that,
you know
525
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,209
when you say if it's fake
526
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,669
and you're gonna
check if it's fake
527
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:37,712
that means a tug.
528
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,423
Well, you tug
really hard, Calvin.
38027
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