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1
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:08,424
Today, we're testing a brand new
riot control device
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00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,259
called a handheld
rocket launched riot net
3
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:13,595
made of nylon and steel
reinforced cables.
4
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,764
It comes out about
300 feet per second.
5
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:19,601
Basically designed to stop a mob
of 20 to 50 drug-crazed people.
6
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:22,229
Today, we're going to test it
on the local high school team
7
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,732
'and, uh, you're going
to see its effects.'
8
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:25,149
- Go ahead, Junior.
- Ready, boys?
9
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,652
Blue! On two!
10
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:29,153
Hike!
11
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:35,284
Ugh! Get off me! Argh!
12
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:40,122
Stop! I'm the police!
Get on the ground! Freeze!
13
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,299
{\an8}What! What!
14
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,806
- There's a tornado.
- No!
15
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,351
{\an8}Hell, no! We won't go!
16
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:06,274
{\an8}- Yeah!
- Are you my friend?
17
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,290
{\an8}'Good morning.'
18
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,291
{\an8}- Morning.
- Good morning.
19
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,293
{\an8}'As you know'
20
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,337
{\an8}our undercover operations
21
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,340
have resulted in one arrest.
22
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:32,634
Yay!
23
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:35,886
'Two shootings'
24
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,346
'six stabbings'
25
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,223
and 71 cases that fell apart
26
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,391
in front of the grand jury.
27
00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:43,310
Nobody buys us
out in the street
28
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:47,022
'cause they can smell that
we're pigs from a mile away.
29
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,857
'We've got to do better'
30
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,609
and to that end''
31
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,239
we have a very special
instructor today.
32
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,534
From the Los Angeles
Police Department
33
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,703
their undercover
acting coach.
34
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,747
'Please give
your full attention'
35
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,667
to Sergeant Clift of the
Los Angeles Police Department.
36
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:07,876
Sergeant Clift.
37
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:11,131
Good morning.
38
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,552
I've been sent here
to teach you
39
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,680
basically, how to act,
I have a week to do it.
40
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,557
Anybody familiar
with a little movie
41
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,016
called "Terminator 3"?
42
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:24,893
- Oh!
- Wow!
43
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,563
I had a speaking role
in that movie.
44
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,898
"I'm not going in there, sarge."
45
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:32,568
'Oh, yeah!'
46
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,403
Oh, wow!
47
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,072
I'm going to make you
cops "and" actors
48
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,324
like me and let me say
49
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,118
the best of this group
50
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,287
will be coming back
to Hollywood with me.
51
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,247
- What?
- I'm kidding.
52
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,915
That's not happening.
Go there on your own. I did.
53
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,792
When I was a teenager,
I'd do a lot of things
54
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:49,293
I'm not proud of,
but you know what?
55
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,296
I got work. Okay?
56
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,548
'Well, let's just go through
some exercises, shall we?'
57
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,049
Ok, let's loosen up
the mouth.
58
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,264
Problem with the rest
of the class?
59
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,390
Don't wanna participate?
60
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,725
I did this this morning
61
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,101
before you guys showed up.
62
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,269
Right. Well,
that means you're dead!
63
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,605
You're dead!
64
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,774
On the ground.
Show us dead.
65
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,653
If you can't do it with us here
66
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:17,529
how are you gonna do it
on the street?
67
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,740
That's gonna get you killed, mister.
68
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,158
You're not even dead.
Your head's up.
69
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,326
Does anybody believe
he's dead?
70
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,285
- No.
- Nope.
71
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,372
- You think you're dead?
- No.
72
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,625
Then what are you?
73
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:29,500
Confused.
74
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,632
{\an8}- Don't even look.
- Don't even look.
75
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:41,637
Oh, my God!
76
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,306
I guess there was some kind of
hold-up in the bird act
77
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,432
and, uh...
78
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,434
Must've got up
to 110 degrees.
79
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:50,437
There was a panic
in the clown car.
80
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,940
They're cooked inside!
81
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:57,319
You might wanna tell the child
to avert his eyes.
82
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,445
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
83
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,991
Oh, no!
84
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,203
Oh, God! Ohh!
85
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,623
- Oh!
- Oh!
86
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,833
Oh, the smell.
87
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,919
Oh, God almighty.
88
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,545
Ohh!
89
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,964
Whoo!
90
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:21,134
Oh, ho! Oh, God! Why?
91
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,178
- Please look down...
- Oh, my God!
92
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,846
On this tiny little car.
93
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:27,641
I always thought there was
some sort of trick to this.
94
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,351
No, they just
all jam in there.
95
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,395
They just all jam in there.
96
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,521
You gotta be kidding me.
97
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,316
I gotta, I'll be honest.
98
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,901
Now this is just
impressive.
99
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,403
I got an idea.
100
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,530
We'll line up
the corpses by type.
101
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:45,242
Hobo clowns
102
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,245
Cirque du Soleil-style
103
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,538
ring master-types
104
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,207
and animal theme.
105
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,750
- Where's this one go?
- Uh--
106
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,420
Hobo or ring master?
'Cause he's kinda--
107
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,631
He's got, he's got
with patches.
108
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,718
Damn it.
He's a hobo ring master.
109
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,844
Last one!
110
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:08,223
'Alright, let's toss him
on the pile of corpses.'
111
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:11,184
'One, two, three!'
112
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,729
'Aw, missed! [beep].
Get him again.'
113
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:14,604
- 'Pick him up.'
- 'Pick him up. You got him?'
114
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,732
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
115
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,568
'One, two, three!'
116
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,488
'Overshot. Get him again.'
117
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,411
'Okay, page 33.'
118
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,288
"The Odd Couple."
119
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,540
I want you to play Felix
and you play Oscar. Okay?
120
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:36,585
Now, this is the scene where
the Pidgeon sisters have left
121
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,086
and you're both
very sad about it
122
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,212
but there's a mess.
123
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,423
Okay? And action.
124
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,884
- Who's gonna clean--
- No, hold it.
125
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,469
Where are we starting?
126
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,596
No, let's just start
right there on that line.
127
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,265
Action.
128
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,726
I say, who's gonna
clean this up?
129
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,561
He's not black.
Felix isn't black.
130
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:55,562
He can be.
It's a choice.
131
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,606
It's not a choice.
She doesn't have a choice.
132
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,649
And there was a black
"Odd Couple." I saw it.
133
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,444
Can you tell the black guy to be
quiet while I'm doing my scene?
134
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,863
Yeah, there was a black
"Honeymooners," too.
135
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,282
Didn't make no money.
136
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,748
{\an8}Oh, for crying out loud.
137
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,583
{\an8}Again with this, huh?
138
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:21,296
{\an8}- Hey! Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!
- Yeah. Yeah, you do.
139
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,506
Well, we got some
new challengers here.
140
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,507
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't got challengers.
141
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:27,511
I already beat everybody
in the subdivision!
142
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,970
You ready to bring it, brothers?
143
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,597
You can't be
wrestling back here.
144
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,474
I smell what both of you
are cookin'.
145
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,643
We're cookin' up
a no-holds-barred
146
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:38,313
steel cage royal rumble, brothers.
147
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:40,440
No, we're cooking up arrest
on assault and breaking
148
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:41,983
11-year-old children,
who are in no condition
149
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,485
to be fighting
a 40-year-old man.
150
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,028
I'll let you use
all these weapons.
151
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:45,946
Bring any foreign object.
152
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,739
It's no-holds-barred.
Everything goes.
153
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,658
We don't need your permission
to use all these weapons!
154
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,244
- Do you really wanna wrestle?
- Yeah! Come on, mustache!
155
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,162
You wanna wrestle somebody
who's not a 120-pound
156
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,831
11-year-old boy
and break his liver?
157
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,207
- Let's go, mustache!
- You wanna go?
158
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,459
Real rules, we're going,
we're going Olympic-style.
159
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,002
- Whoo!
- Let's go Olympic-style.
160
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,755
- Just bring it.
- And... go.
161
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:11,471
- Tag it!
- Come on now, show off!
162
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,014
I'll show you how to wrestle, brother.
163
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,350
Aah! Aah, timeout!
164
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,394
- Tag it! Tag it!
- That's how we do it.
165
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,689
Ah, [beep]. We're gonna end up
on YouTube again.
166
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,863
I wouldn't, you know, I would
never wanna be an actor.
167
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,906
{\an8}I think being famous like Alf
168
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,867
{\an8}and not being able
to go out into public
169
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,869
{\an8}would be so difficult.
170
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,872
I was cast in the fifth grade
171
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:41,710
in, uh, "Oliver"
as the pear
172
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,337
and I didn't find out
until opening night
173
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:46,715
that there was no pear
174
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,508
in "Oliver."
175
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,177
I should have known better.
176
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,636
Okay, we may never use this,
but it's important
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00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,054
that we trust each other.
178
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,390
How do we do that?
With the trust fall.
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00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,434
Junior.
180
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,480
You're supposed
to catch him.
181
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,608
I'm sorry. I should
have mentioned that.
182
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,067
We should go over
all this stuff before.
183
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:08,403
That's the trust part of it.
That he trusts you to catch him.
184
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,197
Okay, so, trust catches.
185
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,616
Let's call them that.
186
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,625
Our friends at the Washoe
County Animal Shelter
187
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,752
have lots of furry friends
who are currently available
188
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,795
for adoption.
189
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:28,715
This little fellow
right here is named Diablo.
190
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:32,093
Yeah, the devil.
191
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,137
He's got a pretty good
disposition but he's probably
192
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:37,140
not good for a family
with small children.
193
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:38,183
Diablo was used...
194
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,727
Diablo was used to guard
195
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:43,146
a laboratory making
crystal methamphetamine
196
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:43,730
so, he's a little jumpy around
197
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:46,608
law enforcement-types.
198
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,110
And he doesn't seem
to like black folks.
199
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:50,278
But he's available
200
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,447
and he has lots of love to give
201
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,823
to a white, childless family
202
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:56,034
that doesn't make
any sudden movements.
203
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,663
Ho! Oh, alright.
204
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,419
One of the great things,
one of the best things
205
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,837
that Sergeant Clift is teaching
us in the acting classes
206
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,465
{\an8}is no matter what happens
in the scene
207
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:11,424
{\an8}you say, "yes."
208
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,468
That's what you do.
You-you keep it going.
209
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,512
And then that way, you can work
that into undercover work.
210
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,805
No matter what happens,
you say, "Yes, I am."
211
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:20,225
For example, you wanna come
to my house see my mini-fridge?
212
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,227
No.
213
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:30,695
'Hey, man.'
214
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,196
What's going on?
215
00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:34,656
I'm just selling the meth.
216
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,534
Yeah. That's cool.
217
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,287
My old lady's
hooked on the junk
218
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:43,874
and, uh, I gotta get
her some real bad.
219
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,003
Are you a cop?
220
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,004
No way, man. Not me.
221
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,007
I [beep] hate those cops,
those pigs, man.
222
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:56,344
In fact, I've been
on the inside.
223
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,555
'What joint were you in?'
224
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,728
Sit down. Thank you.
225
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,813
Make up something
if you don't know something.
226
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,648
I can think of them now.
I-I can--
227
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:09,858
'Now you can, but it doesn't
matter now because why?'
228
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,195
Because you're dead.
229
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:18,867
Hey, man. What you need?
230
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:23,997
Uh... I-I need
the good stuff.
231
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:27,042
This is funny, you don't look
like a guy who would be
232
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,168
doin' this kind of stuff.
233
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,086
'Listen, man, listen.'
234
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,047
You don't, you don't
know where I've been.
235
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,215
- Yeah, I do.
- No, you don't.
236
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,217
I do.
237
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,553
It's me, man.
238
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,889
It's me, Jimmy.
239
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,058
Dad?
240
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,727
Yeah, dad.
241
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,729
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I wasn't there for you
242
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,733
'and I'm sorry for
what I've become.'
243
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:53,068
I'm sorry.
244
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,696
I'm sorry.
245
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,406
'Dad, dad!'
246
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,408
'I'm sorry.'
247
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:02,744
Scene?
248
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:03,745
Scene.
249
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,957
Oh, my God.
250
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,879
I am happy to be your father
in that scene.
251
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,923
- That was an honor for me.
- 'Thank you.'
252
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:18,093
And you know what,
I never saw Schwarzenegger
253
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,136
do anything
even close to that.
254
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,515
- Who?
- 'S-Schwarzenegger.'
255
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,933
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
256
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,267
Oh, I thought you said
something else.
257
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:27,977
I thought you said
Schwarz-[beep].
258
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,021
Yeah.
259
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,820
{\an8}You know, you're great
i-in these acting classes.
260
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,781
{\an8}- Oh, thanks. Thanks.
- I'm shocked.
261
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:42,867
Do you want to, um,
work on a love scene?
262
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,328
- You wanna improv one?
- Alright.
263
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,996
I'll improv a scene with you.
Just to practice our--
264
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:47,956
Just for, yeah,
just for practice.
265
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:51,626
Practice our improv.
Alright. Sure.
266
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,169
That's perfect, 'cause it's
something I would never do,
267
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,671
so it's l-let's,
let's practice.
268
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,714
Great.
269
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,467
You start.
270
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,138
So, hot night,
ain't it?
271
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,849
You wanna see my tits?
272
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,941
{\an8}There's a-a-a Judy Garland
impersonator
273
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,444
{\an8}who's locked herself
in the bathroom.
274
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,487
{\an8}She's going crazy.
She won't come out.
275
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:20,613
I have people waiting.
276
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:22,867
- 'She's been like this for--'
- Showtime!
277
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,327
Showtime!
278
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,997
- Ms. Garland?
- 'What do you want?'
279
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,083
A room that is almost...
three quarters full--
280
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,836
But a full three quarters
full!
281
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:38,173
Well, then maybe my heart
is three quarters full.
282
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,382
I'm not going out there!
283
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,634
That is hotel property,
ma'am!
284
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,136
- Destroyed.
- You are on the clock.
285
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,846
- Ms. Garland--
- Oh, it broke! It broke!
286
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:48,683
Yeah, this is coming out
of your profits now.
287
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:53,062
I-I never wanted
to break the plant!
288
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,022
- I mean--
- Look.
289
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,024
There's two kinds
of people in the world.
290
00:12:56,025 --> 00:13:00,361
Regular, dirty... laborers...
291
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,155
No, awful, awful people.
292
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:05,533
- And stars.
- I'm one of those.
293
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,036
Yeah, and you know,
you know what stars do?
294
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:11,706
They sprinkle.
295
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,750
- Mm-hmm.
- He means twinkle.
296
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,002
- You mean twinkle, right?
- I don't sprinkle.
297
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,128
♪ Sprinkle sprinkle little ♪
298
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:20,048
- Don't call her little.
- Yeah, do twinkle, twinkle.
299
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,009
Do you know what it takes
to make a star?
300
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,595
I'm not su...
Oh, God!
301
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,888
'She can't perform
right now.'
302
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,349
This is, I'm screwed.
This is it. I'm done.
303
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,559
- I'm fired.
- Sir!
304
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:35,021
Can we interest you
305
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:40,693
in an amateur but very,
very polished performance...
306
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:41,569
Of "Big River"?
307
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,112
- "Big River," the musical?
- Yeah.
308
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,281
Huck
309
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,950
Nigger Jim.
310
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,243
♪ Oh look out for me ♪
311
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,036
♪ Oh mighty water ♪
312
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:54,082
♪ Your mysteries
are deep and wide ♪
313
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,251
And I got a need for goin'--
314
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:57,335
Get out there!
Get out there right now!
315
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:01,714
♪ I got a need to climb
upon your back and ride ♪
316
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:11,099
♪ And I may be down
in pain and sorrow! ♪
317
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,269
It's a shame we don't
have mirrors in here.
318
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,563
Rather sad, uh, day.
319
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:22,485
We've been invited to a wake
at the residence of Big Mike.
320
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,113
- damn it.
- Just let it out.
321
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:29,242
- Mike.
- Hey, hey, Jimbo.
322
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,952
So how are you?
323
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,955
Lieutenant.
Good to see you, buddy.
324
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,748
Thank you for coming,
everyone
325
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,418
to celebrate this loss
326
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,920
this tragedy, so young
327
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,547
such a sweet one
328
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,215
and it's all gone.
329
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,092
I don't know if I ever told you,
but bottomless cup today.
330
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:49,762
Five dollars though gets you,
buys the cup.
331
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:50,930
We're not paying for beer.
332
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,473
It's not like I'm
getting money for beer
333
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:53,808
but the cups are 5.
334
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,977
You can go right now,
spend 20 for the whole day
335
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,146
'cause we're gonna raffle off
that bike later.
336
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:02,734
And then, the dance later on
that we're having later
337
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,819
we got the Christmas lights
still in part of the tree.
338
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,321
We're gonna turn 'em all on.
339
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,531
Everybody dances!
340
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,158
I can't remember the last time
I had a raffle
341
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,660
and a dance at a wake.
342
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:13,244
And then, just take your gifts
put 'em right on the gift table.
343
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,121
Oh, you have gifts, too?
344
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,874
Who's the presents for...?
345
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,168
Presents for... g-grief.
346
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,171
I'm not, I'm sorry.
347
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,174
But I'm not clear on
what your deceased is.
348
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:29,552
- The deceased is a tragedy.
- Mm-hmm.
349
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:33,556
Damn it.
350
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,309
Here's to my son.
351
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,186
'Maybe he's like his son?'
352
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,938
Big Mike, you do not
have a son.
353
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:42,190
- 'You don't have a son, Mike.'
- Mmm, I think I do.
354
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,526
What... That's just sick
and cold [bleep] hearted!
355
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:46,737
'How dare you!'
356
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:50,908
You keep pornography
in the coffin?
357
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:58,706
{\an8}If Sergeant Clift
were a better actor
358
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,208
{\an8}he could have quit
being a cop.
359
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,751
{\an8}He wouldn't have to do
these dumb seminars.
360
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,379
That's true. That's how I feel
about my potholder business.
361
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,880
If that had gone well
362
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,882
I wouldn't have to be
doing all this.
363
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,133
I didn't know you had
a potholder business.
364
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,220
Yeah, see? Nobody does.
That's the problem.
365
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,554
'Alright, let's take
a little drive.'
366
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,770
Whatcha gonna do with...
all the land, Billy?
367
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,107
I'm probably going
to sell it, Johnny
368
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:27,069
and buy some
crystal methamphetamine.
369
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:30,446
Are you selling any?
370
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:31,906
No, that would be illegal.
371
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,075
Are you just saying that
because you're trying to sell me
372
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,786
'some crystal methamphetamine?'
373
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,915
A-are you asking me? Is that
a question or a statement?
374
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:44,585
But if you're halfway,
it's not really either, okay?
375
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,797
Are we going to score some
crystal methamphetamine?
376
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,424
- See what I'm saying?
- Is your arm broken?
377
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,217
Yeah, I don't know
what that is either.
378
00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:52,385
- 'Or are you out the window?'
- I-I'm out the window.
379
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,054
The window's up here and
the door handle was down here
380
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,222
so what kind of car is that?
381
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:58,766
I mean, that's space work.
Space work is simple.
382
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,226
Everybody's been doing
space work all day.
383
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,769
Yeah, I've never seen
a car like that.
384
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,354
Everybody's coming along
except you, okay?
385
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,230
Here's good, here's crap
386
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:07,024
here's you looking up at crap.
387
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:09,777
You told us to call him on it
when he goes to anger
388
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,738
you just to anger again.
389
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:14,449
I didn't just go to anger,
I'm really [beep] angry!
390
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,242
- Okay, okay, okay. Hold it.
- You only have one choice.
391
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,619
- Use it!
- I pantomimed the [beep] door.
392
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,580
I rolled down the window,
I stuck my hand out.
393
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,956
When we go on
undercover stings
394
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:22,915
we're going to have
an actual car.
395
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,250
'You can't take criticism!'
396
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,627
What are you going to do
with that land, Billy?
397
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:29,797
I'm going to buy some
crystal methamphetamine with it
398
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,716
'cause my daddy
makes me sick!
399
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:32,925
That's what
I'm talking about.
400
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,846
'That is a standing-O,
my friend.'
401
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,390
'Take a bow. Yes.'
402
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:45,855
{\an8}Look at me
403
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,274
{\an8}all dressed in
my beautiful prom dress
404
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,151
{\an8}and ready to go
to the prom.
405
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:03,331
Susie, I am the ghost
of drunk driving.
406
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,793
'You won't be going
to the dance tonight'
407
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:09,670
because you died
drunk driving
408
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:12,465
on your way
to the dance tonight.
409
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:16,219
- To drink.
- Mm-hmm?
410
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,346
I only had four drinks.
411
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:22,225
Oh, but I only had
four delicious rum drinks
412
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,977
'and they were
so delicious.'
413
00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:28,856
You're no longer dressed
for the prom.
414
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:33,694
Now you're dressed... for hell.
415
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:37,198
Where drunk drivers go, hell.
416
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,118
- Scene.
- Scene.
417
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,039
Any questions? Miss?
418
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,334
Is one of your nuts
smaller than the other?
419
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,172
Yes.
420
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:01,055
{\an8}Let me just say
I am so proud of you people.
421
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:01,764
{\an8}Alright, everybody
got their character?
422
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:04,183
{\an8}Gwen Johnson,
career criminal.
423
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:05,685
- With nothing to lose.
- Nice.
424
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,937
Rita from Fresno and I'm afraid
of enclosed spaces.
425
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,605
- Good.
- Enrique Valdez.
426
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,732
- From Arlington, Texas.
- I like it.
427
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,734
Pope Jones, fresh off
the bus from Trekkie.
428
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,529
Alright. People,
let's buy some meth.
429
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,823
Let's make a bust.
430
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,205
Don't ever show 'em the stuff,
until you see the money.
431
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,165
Hey, how you doing, poppy?
432
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,250
Dude, it's the cops, man.
433
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:32,295
- 'What's going on?'
- Cops! Cops!
434
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,764
'Come in! Come in!'
435
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:45,266
Hey, go! Go! Go! Go!
Cherisha, go!
436
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,271
You bastards!
437
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,858
I taught you
everything you know!
438
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:10,458
"Terminator" films.
439
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,835
- I think I'm thinking--
- Seminal? What does--
440
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:15,129
- Most important. Yeah.
- Oh.
441
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,172
Oh, well, yeah. Yeah.
442
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,089
That's the one
with the liquid metal.
443
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,758
I think I'm thinking of
the right one.
444
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,426
Which one is the one with
the liquid metal guy?
445
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,303
I think it's 3.
446
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,388
- Two. Oh.
- Oh.
447
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,932
I don't know
if I've seen 3.
448
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,475
So we actually
finally got a copy
449
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,143
of "Terminator 3
450
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,312
Rise of the Machines."
451
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:34,024
Featuring... Sergeant Clift.
452
00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:36,151
Alright. Hit it.
453
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:43,282
- Get him, Terminator. Get him!
- Come on! Get him! Come on!
454
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,626
Is he a real guy
or is he a monster?
455
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,169
- He's a terminator.
- He's the terminator
456
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,629
It's complicated.
It's very complicated.
457
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,838
No time. There's no time
to explain.
458
00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:01,342
There's no time to explain.
You should have seen 1 and 2.
459
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:04,345
'I'm not going in there,
sarge.'
460
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,721
- Whoa.
- damn it, he's good.
461
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:07,432
- 'Yeah, yeah.'
- He's good.
462
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:19,568
- A ring.
- That was my daddy's.
463
00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:22,863
Might be a little big for you,
but we could get a chain
464
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:23,615
and put it around
that neck of yours.
465
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,576
I want to be your daddy.
466
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:27,952
I want you to be my mama.
467
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,371
Yes! Yes!
468
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,539
A thousand times, yes!
469
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,916
Oh, my God!
470
00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:40,549
Their dream is over.
33974
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