Original subtitles

Morning, children. I'm James Garcia

of the Reno Sheriff's Department.

Today we're going to talk about a very serious subject

called drinking and driving.

If you drink D and you drive D

you will D die.

Okay?

And today, I want you to look at death in the face

and I want you to look hard.

Boo! Ha ha! Aah!

What the [bleep], lady?

Y'all act like you ain't seen a light-skinned

black man before, okay.

Sheriff's Department, freeze! Get on the ground!

Freeze!

Oh!

What? What?

Alright.

Hell, no, we won't go...

Yeah!

Who's my friend?

Aah!

Well, somebody is not flushing the toilet

in the men's bathroom.

Why are you in the men's bathroom?

I had to pee real bad.

'Can I help you?'

I am Two Wolves.

- 'Who is chief among you?' - 'Uh?'

I'm not chief yet, but one day maybe hopefully so, yes.

I have come to find my daughter.

She is here among the warriors.

'Your daughter works at the Reno sheriff's department?'

I will know my daughter by a sign

a sign told to me by the great spirit.

- What is that sign? - No.

That's, I-I got a condition.

No, you do not bear the mark.

You are not the daughter of Two Wolves.

- Okay. - You are not Cologia.

Okay, sir, when you come down off your acid trip

if your daughter turns up, I promise you we will

we will send up a smoke signal

and we'll find you as soon as possible, okay?

You should be more sensitive to cultural differences.

Huh?

Daddy?

- Come here. - Oh, my daddy!

'Uh, deputies to the watch'

'deputies to the watch.'

I recognize you from your mug shot.

Oh, oh, get down!

Wait! This is Trudy's daddy!

Oh... you [bleep] her mom in Minnesota.

- Allegedly. - Hi.

- Allegedly [bleep]. - Allegedly.

Two Wolves has come to find you to be with you

to make up for the many years that we have lost.

What do you mean by "be with me"?

Two Wolves, I will live with you.

We will live together as a family.

- That is what is right. - Okay, we'll talk about it.

That's a much bigger conversation.

What kind of house do you have?

A very small one.

Take a personal, take the entire day.

- Take a personal... - Take the day off?

You two should have lunch, get to know each other.

- Yes. - Take the day.

Okay.

'I can't believe it.'

I could've sworn that, uh, her dad died in prison.

Her dad did die in prison. She told us that, didn't she?

- Yeah. - That's what she said.

Run a check.

- Uh... - What is his...

- What do I look under? - Two Wolves.

- You guys... - I believe...

Hey! Hey, I thought that your dad...

I know what you're probably all thinking.

Uh-huh.

- That my dad died in prison. - Yeah.

Listen, I thought the same thing.

- That's weird. - But remember, you know...

...how I mix things up in my head...

We never listen to anything you say.

'That-that's probably for the best.'

So the fact is, that's great.

It's great that he didn't die in prison.

- It's congratulations. - Thank you.

♪ For she's... ♪

♪ Apparently an Indian ♪

♪ For she's apparently an Indian ♪

♪ Half-breed For I'm a half-breed Indian ♪

The other half is probably German

but we're not sure.

- I'll see you guys later. - God bless you.

- Yo!'' - 'Check it out.'

This is it, baby.

- What's the deal? - What's so funny, Mike?

Do you see something different about my car, perhaps?

- That you... - I have...

- That you actually have a car. - I have one.

Please follow me, why wouldn't you?

After years of living in squalid [bleep].

There's my friend over here

bubblin' up from the ground.

That's oil, boys!

- No, no! Don't get in there. - Look at it, look at it!

- Oh, my god. - No, you're gonna get infected.

You're gonna get infected. Don't get in that.

I'm rich, [bleep]!

You are gonna work for me.

Uh, mike, uh, I hate to break this to you

but that, uh, that's your septic tank.

A man strikes oil in his yard and it's...

- Oh! Now you're going... - Hey!

- Oh! - Alright, alright.

Oh, God, now you're going in.

- Now you're going in. - That's your fault.

You're covered in about $1,000 of oil.

No, you're covered in about $1,000 of fines

and 1,000 hours of community service.

Check, check, check.

Operation Anna and the king is in effect.

Uh, what we got in town is these uh, Thai food delivery places.

Uh, what they do is they send over a little Thai girl.

Yeah, it's a prostitution ring cover. It's horrible.

They have these little girls

they don't know what country they're in

or the language or who they're [bleep]...

They raise them, they raise them like sex veal.

Yeah. Hello. Yes.

Uh, I'm at the, uh, the Lazy Sierra Arms Motel

on, uh, Exit 3.

- Room 9. - Room 9.

I'd like, uh...

...the daily special

extra spicy.

Extra spicy.

Forty five minutes. I'll see if I can wait that long.

Thank you. Alright. Trap is set.

Trap is set, okay.

Killing floor to Eagle's lair, can you read me?

Eagle's lair, I copy you, Killing floor.

Hi, how are you? Here's your food.

Yeah, better now. Thank you very much.

Well, I'm just in town for the, uh, hair convention.

And I got the room for the night.

Thought maybe I'd get me a little, uh

pacific [bleep]job.

'You got a little time?'

What are you talk about?

Uh, maybe, uh, take a little trip to Bangkok?

And I ain't talkin' about the town.

Talkin' about, uh, my [bleep] going bang.

Oh! Oh! Oh, okay.

Unh! Oh, my bad, I'm sorry.

She [bleep] him? He's getting [bleep]?

I told him not to get [bleep].

Huh!

Ow! Ow.

Charley horse.

Whoops.

Oh. Oh.

We missed so much together.

We did.

And I feel like it's my duty as a daughter

to fill you in.

'I don't know if you totally remember'

'but right when I was born, I had that thing'

that they thought might've just been a growth.

They weren't sure what it was.

Turns out

it was a tail.

Next thing you know, I get my braces put on my legs.

Now this, I find out later, come to find out

'cause you know mom, she was a little... woohoo.

I come to find out later, the braces were optional.

But the helmet was not optional.

I was required medically to wear the helmet.

I didn't wear it 'cause I felt like

it made me look like a retard.

And so, um, that's when I realized

you know, that I had definitely

without a doubt, hit puberty.

A little early, I guess, at seven, but nonetheless.

I-I'm sorry, I-I kind of blanked out for a moment.

You wanna push me on the swing?

I would love to, my daughter.

- Whoa. - Whoa!

Ow!

Wait a minute. Stay there.

- Okay. - Okay. Hold on.

- Dad, I need a little... - Yes, perfect.

- ...a little help. - That is good.

Vender naranjas

en las carreteras es peligroso y ilegal.

Si tiene naranjas para vende

obtenga permiso y vendalas en un puesto de frutas.

No donde hay trafico.

Gracias por su tiempo

y atencion a este anuncio.

Uh, so far, we've gotten a very wide selection

of the Thai food in the Washoe county area

which ranges from, uh

edible to pretty darn good.

Uh, so far, no luck on the sting operation but...

- No rub and tug. - Ta-ta again.

Yeah, extra spicy. I like 'em spicy.

Uh...

I would say not extra large.

I would say, uh, small would be better.

Thank you.

Alright, I can't wait till she gets here.

- You go, you go. - No, you go.

You go! Ah! Aah! Should've gone.

Should've gone.

- 'Oh, man.' - Ah, should've gone.

'I barely made that.'

- Ah... - 'That was a photo finish.'

Sheriff's department.

Hello, officers, thanks for coming.

- Sure. - My son has run away from home.

'Okay.'

And I'd really like for you to go find him

put him in that car, bring him back here

and put him in there, and I...

...'cause I don't want him, you know, running away again.

- Okay. - Okay.

- He's 18... - Okay.

And he's got a swimmer's build.

Um, he's-he's really handsome.

Adorable, adorable kid.

He works out. He's got a hard body.

- Okay. - Very-sort of tight.

Like has a kind of, for his age, he's got like cast-iron pecs...

- Okay. - ...for an 18-year-old.

And he lives with you and he...

Yeah, oh-oh, of course, yeah.

East, West, North, South? Heading...

He's over at the pizza shack playing video games, I think.

Sir, if-if I didn't know any better

I'd just think that you'd want us to grab an 18-year-old

and bring him back here so you can...

Yes.

That's absolutely what I want you to do.

Bring him back here so I can-mm-hmm.

Two Wolves is...

...too amazing.

Uh, no, he, um...

I tell you what, it's the first time

I've met an Injun in person

and, uh...

You know what?

It's like he's a Mexican

but cooler.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Like a Mexican with a-a secret.

Mm-hmm.

My dad is more amazing

than I ever...

ever dreamt he could be.

Well, that's not entirely true.

Actually, one time I dreamt that

he was made out of macaroni

and he had vacuum cleaner arms.

That-that would be amazing.

But he's great. He's great just the way he is.

Tag, you're it!

You can't get me!

You can't get me!

You're it.

Whee!

Come on, you can do it.

- Whee! Whee! - Daddy's here.

Hold on a minute, let me get the camera.

- Oh, this is good. - Oh, great.

- It goes something like that. - Okay.

Oh, jeez, I haven't done this in years.

Yes, that is good!

And hold like this?

Like-just like this, yes.

Ow! Oh, God! Ow!

- Okay, whoo! - Daddy's here.

I'm stuck a little.

That's it. Oh, yes.

- Just like that. - That's a game?

'Yes. Let's do that again.'

This makes me feel funny on my front.

I bet it does.

I think we should go.

Oh, just too much tom yam.

Oh, my god, that's so hot.

Delivery.

- Hi. - Hi.

- How you doing? - Good.

Nice room.

I'm gonna choose my words very carefully.

I would like...

...to pay you...

...$40 for a [bleep] job.

- Aah! - Unh!

- Okay. - Aah! Huh!

- Aah, alright, - Alright. No, it's ok.

Travis, keep her talking, okay?

I'm not, the Eagle's lair's not ready to strike.

You-you suspect he's not a police officer?

- Alright, well... - Okay, you know what?

We're gonna take care of it, alright?

'Alright, ladies.'

Everything looks good around here. Back to work.

Ah, gentlemen, gentlemen, officers.

Are you on the job? Thank you, ladies.

- You may go back to work. - Thank you, ladies.

- I think, uh... - Thank you.

We've all got everything settled here.

Huh? Everything's winding down.

Everything's under control.

I apologize if you got the call for some backup

but I got everything under control here.

'cause I'm-I'm over on the precinct, uh

on the east side of Nevada.

- Oh, yeah? - Uh, precinct, um...

Which one was that?

Oh, uh, precinct four.

- Precinct... - Precinct four.

- Precinct four. - Oh, yeah, you guys...

We gotta, we gotta get a little, uh...

...little volleyball or a barbecue going

between you, me and your precinct.

And what are your shift hours over there

- ...at precinct four? - Four.

Hey, between-between you and me

it's like living there, right, am I right?

Alright, well, I got this going, guys. I got it.

No, the-the thing is

it-it's obviously you're not a cop, okay?

What the-the hot toddy.

- Give me this. - These buttons.

- Give me this. - What? What did you say?

Don't do this in front of them.

I just wanna thank you guys for destroying

the most amazing day of my life as a cop.

- Okay. - Well...

...now I got to go return this.

Maybe you can dress up like a rodeo guy

or a fireman, have another amazing day.

Uh, no, they told me I can't come back

to the firehouse and do that anymore.

Oh, son of a bitch. Sorry. Sorry.

Fair warning.

Okay, here we go.

Ready to go? Can you move?

Why don't you answer this one?

I think I look a little bit like a cop, don't you?

Come in.

Uh, you guys order some takeout?

Oh...

man, it smells like Thai farts in here.

Uh, I'll give you a [bleep] job

but it's gonna cost you extra.

No, no, Sir, you don't got...

Aah!

Unh-ow! [bleep]!

Ah... ow.

I-I just feel like we should do

a little bit of a background check.

Tru-Trudy might be grossly incompetent.

She might have hydro encephalitis.

- Spina bifida. - Mm.

She might be, uh, slightly brain damaged

and was born, uh, with the umbilical cord

wrapped around her neck, so, she has serious brain damage.

- Yeah. - But she's one of ours.

And I think we owe it to her

to do a background check on Two Wolves.

- Yeah. - And we should.

Yeah. Plus, I just don't like Indians.

I don't like Indians, either.

Hey, Two Wolves?

How long does peyote usually last?

I never saw anybody eat as much as you did

so I don't know.

'Bernardino, Terrence.'

Uh, age 26. Uh, six prior arrests

and six convictions.

Uh, Judge Ferdinand Dos Reyes has ordered you

to undergo these six-month

psychological evaluations for parole.

Uh, have you or have you not

committed a felony in the past six months?

No.

What was with the pause?

I thought you said "melody."

"Committed a melody in the past six months"

- is what you thought I said? - I've committed a melody.

What is the melody you've committed?

♪ Do do fight the system ♪

♪ Don't let me back in the jail ♪

♪ I'll kill you ♪

Um, do you sometimes fantasize

that you are the angel of death?

Yes.

Um... boy, that was a bad one.

- That was a big one. - That was a big one.

That's one of the biggest ones.

Passed it. Holla!

You want a chance to answer that again?

Do you fantasize you're the angel of death?

- Yes. - Aah!

- What? - We gotta work on that.

Let's just say he passed.

Okay. Terry...

I passed gas. Does that count?

We don't, we don't have the bunk space

so I'm gonna sign here.

I want your signature right there.

Oh, you really did.

- That's your signature? - Yes.

'And then you need to initial down here.'

I knew it! We have been sold a papoose of bull poop.

Don Littlefeather, Trudy's real father

died in prison ten years ago.

- Two Wolves is not her father. - No deal.

Her car's here.

- Trudy! - Trudy!

Yeah?

Do it, do it, do it now!

Ow!

- Trudy! - 'I'm in here!'

- Trudy! - 'I'm in here.'

Trudy, listen to me very carefully.

Your father died in prison ten years ago.

Two Wolves is not your father.

I know that.

He was just about to give me a bubble bath.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Hey, daddy.

Let's play that great game that we invented.

Yes, honey. I'll be right in.

♪ Pop pop the bubbles ♪

♪ One two three ♪

♪ What do we see? ♪

♪ It's a boobie! ♪

♪ A boobie a boobie ♪

♪ Staring at me ♪

♪ Under the bubbles ♪

♪ Pop pop pop ♪

I think my peyote's still going. Is yours?

Not, oh, yeah. I'm still-i'm still...

I got a little bit of trails.

Oh, I'm totally still going.

- Yeah, I'm still really... - I'm really going.

I wasn't until you said that.

I'm gonna sit down.

I'm never doing peyote ever again.

Ever. Ever.

I'm starting to freak out.

I feel like if people walk by

and they see two cops sitting here like this

they're gonna know we're on peyote.

Yeah, good walk to Vegas. I'll feel fine.

Then I'll be feeling fine 'cause then I'll be awake

and I won't be high anymore.

I won't be high anymore.

- Oh... - Aah!

- Oh, God, mailbox. - Mailbox.

Thought it was someone else.

I thought it was like a skeleton or something weird.

Don't look at these trees.

These trees are really, really [bleep]