All language subtitles for Reno.911.S05E11.The.Tanning.Booth.Incident.1080p.PMTP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:08,298 Oh! Come on, now! Oh! 2 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:11,885 What's this? What's going on? 3 00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,762 You boys do this? 4 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,432 Oh, right. You didn't do this? 5 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:17,851 Well, who did? 6 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,774 Go! Freeze! Get on the ground! 7 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,581 {\an8}Alright. 8 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,085 Tornado! 9 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,129 Hell no, we won't go! 10 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,341 Yeah! 11 00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:53,011 {\an8}Get a nice ride! 12 00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:56,055 Now! 13 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:09,985 {\an8}Ah, that new Greek tanning place? 14 00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:11,653 {\an8}'Santorini tan' 15 00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,155 is doing, uh, half-off for law enforcement. 16 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,365 You get half off of any tanning 17 00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:19,536 or, uh... What they call speed tanning. 18 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:22,206 I have an announcement to make! 19 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:26,460 Suck my big black [bleep]! 20 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,837 I won to [bleep] lotto! 21 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:31,006 I won the [bleep] lotto! 22 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,842 I am a millionaire! 23 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,219 And I don't have to sit here anymore 24 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,679 and listen to your bull 25 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,431 you [bleep] crazy [bleep]! 26 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:42,226 you! [bleep] you! you! 27 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,520 Suck my 28 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:48,023 you mother sucker! 29 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:49,525 Argh! 30 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,944 'Yes!' 31 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:59,827 "03-06-14-18-46-51." 32 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,328 Okay, that was a misprint. Okay. 33 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,371 Everybody had that. 34 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,413 Apparently they printed 35 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,332 uh, thousands, thousands of them. 36 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,292 - 'Everybody--' - Yeah, that ha... It happens. 37 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:10,379 Put suck your on my to-do list for me. 38 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,841 Uh, when I said that out loud, it was, um-- 39 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,885 Oh, I'm so sorry not everybody's here. 40 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,554 'Cause what I want to say I wanted to say 41 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,889 to all of you butt bloats all at once... 42 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,683 - 'Alright?' - 'Um-hmm.' 43 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:26,854 You people have been blisters on my taint 44 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,438 and not just blisters, but in-grown hairs. 45 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:32,276 And yes, there's cabernet in this cup, alright? 46 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,069 I won the lottery last night. 47 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,113 You know why? 'Cause I willed it to happen. 48 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,155 'Huh?' 49 00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:39,533 I'm gonna go out and snort coke 50 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,493 off a black man's behind. 51 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,412 Uh, you didn't hear about this? 52 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,582 "3-6-14-18-46-51"? 53 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,250 - 'Yes.' - 'Yeah.' 54 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,502 'They printed 3000 of them.' 55 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,255 But, um, there is some coke in evidence 56 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,549 and Jones is a pretty good sport. 57 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,385 Nice coat. Is it real? 58 00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,428 You don't have to... Don't... 59 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:03,640 Aw... yeah, baby! 60 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:07,394 Oh, suck it! Suck it! 61 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:11,231 'Guess who won the lotto? Guess!' 62 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,817 you, mother[bleep]. 63 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,278 you! 64 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,991 For the record, you're the second person to come in 65 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,659 and tell us to suck your black [bleep]. 66 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,452 'Who else did?' 67 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,962 {\an8}- Sheriff's department! - Sheriff's department! 68 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,757 {\an8}Sir, sir, do you have any other attire? 69 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,925 - You alright? - You alright? 70 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,009 This is loud What is my attire-- 71 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,011 - Are you okay, sir? - ...he hit me over the head! 72 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,012 Settle down. Calm down. 73 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,597 - Sir, take a breath. - Okay. 74 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,474 Breathe in, then breathe it out. 75 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:46,934 - Alright. - Let it in, let it out. 76 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:47,935 - You good? - Yeah. 77 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:48,936 - Did you call? - Yes. 78 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:49,978 You called? 79 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:52,314 My lover Sidney hit me over the head 80 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,942 with my bicentennial commemorative plate 81 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,485 that was a gift from my good friend Cheryl Ladd. 82 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,779 Cheryl Ladd? My goodness. 83 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,155 - The Cheryl Ladd? - Yes! 84 00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:02,658 Star of stage and screen and calendar. 85 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,617 Now, did he toss you out without your pants? 86 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,327 - Without your clothes? - This is a swimsuit. 87 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:08,205 - Gotcha. Swimsuit. - Swimwear. 88 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,499 - Here's the deal. - Okay, let's get that straight. 89 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,001 - Okay? - You sure you're okay? 90 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,628 There's a hell of a lot of blood in there. 91 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,130 We'll take Sidney away but you got to tell us where he is. 92 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,382 We'll pick him up, we'll take him away. 93 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,302 He's in the bag. Yeah. 94 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,554 I chopped him up. 95 00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,473 In you go. Say, uh, Travis? 96 00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:27,766 'Sir, yes, sir?' 97 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:28,517 Where are you putting Sidney, by the way? 98 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,852 - Trunk's full. - Trunk's full? 99 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:33,021 Sidney's getting shotgun. 100 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,982 Oh! 101 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,734 Hey, don't take it the wrong way that I'd rather sit up here 102 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:40,195 with the dismembered corpse of your lover than with you 103 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:42,364 it's just that I don't want to get arms around me. 104 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:48,578 'Okay, excuse me, officers.' 105 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:52,040 Okay, I just need to tell you right now, 106 00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,375 Alright, that this is not what it looks like. 107 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:56,837 I came here to ask you a couple of questions. 108 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,046 - Well, go ahead. - Okay. 109 00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,589 - Hypothetically speaking-- - Yes? 110 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:00,882 Hypothetically speaking, okay. 111 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,009 Make-believe. 112 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,051 - Make-believe, right. - Okay. 113 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,219 - Make-believe. - Make-believe. 114 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:07,222 If one were to come across 115 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,557 a wheelbarrow like this, okay? 116 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,600 And this wheelbarrow may have been 117 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:13,562 involved in some kind of illicit activity 118 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,565 that may involve two or three people wearing masks 119 00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,192 and one of them may happen to work 120 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,694 at the metro casino. 121 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,528 That's neither here nor there. 122 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:24,865 I came diligently looking for you. 123 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:25,907 Thank God I... I won't touch you, officer 124 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,451 but I would... But if I could, I would hug you. 125 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:31,079 Looking for you just to show you 126 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,581 that this could indeed be contraband 127 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,541 involving people. 128 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,877 And if in... Let me ask you this. 129 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,879 If indeed this was contraband... 130 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:39,921 Yes. 131 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,631 ...and it were involving people... 132 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,799 Yes. 133 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,093 ...would all of the people involved 134 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:45,552 would they all get in trouble? 135 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:46,554 Yes. 136 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,895 That's what they're born to do. 137 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,614 {\an8}'Hold up. Who's that?' 138 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,699 {\an8}Is that Jim? 139 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:10,786 'What the hell?' 140 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,413 What's up, guys? 141 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:15,582 - 'Yo!' - How's it going? 142 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,084 What are you... What are you doing? 143 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,336 How's crime tonight? 144 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,797 How's the rhyme tonight? 145 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,923 I don't even... 146 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:23,757 Terry, what are you doing... 147 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:27,010 What are you doing with a cop car? 148 00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:29,554 I bought the car at Cop Car Mart. 149 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,640 - I got the-- - Cop Car Mart? 150 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,599 The uniform at Uniform Junction. 151 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:33,600 I... 152 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,269 And then I got a gun 153 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,188 from Everybody Buying A Gun Tonight 154 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,689 the gun store. 155 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:40,649 I saw a monster... I thought I saw a monster. 156 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,943 - Okay, we're good. - Stop it! 157 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:43,652 There's no bullets in it! 158 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,821 Okay. Okay, okay. 159 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,532 Alright. Knock it off! 160 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,699 - Knock it off! - Stop it, Terry. 161 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,993 I thought there were no bullets. 162 00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,662 'What the [bleep], Terry.' 163 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,788 - Hi. - Oh, Jesus. 164 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,706 - What the [bleep] was that? - 'Jim.' 165 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,167 - What was in that rag? - Are you alright? 166 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,503 We don't chloroform our friends. 167 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,839 Uh, he's been doing coke back here. 168 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,132 Did you see this? 169 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,467 Look, he's got powder all over his nose. 170 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:10,720 I've been baking a cake for you guys as a surprise. 171 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:16,935 {\an8}Right here! Right here! 172 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,354 {\an8}Oh, that's supposed to be him. 173 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,523 I'm in charge of a youth group. 174 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,566 I've-I've been leading them out here 175 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,861 on a 3-day weekend excursion into the wilderness. 176 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,029 It's a find-yourself excursion. 177 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,072 Find-yourself excursion. 178 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:29,906 Kind of a chance for me and the boys 179 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:32,033 to get in touch with nature again. 180 00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:33,034 Uh-huh, super. 181 00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:34,744 - And, um... - Okay, super. 182 00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,538 I'm not sure where they are. 183 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,623 Oh, my goodness. 184 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,375 How many... How many boys did you say? 185 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:41,710 - Uh... - Youth group. 186 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,629 - Uh, roughly about 45. - 45? 187 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,215 You've misplaced 45 young boys? 188 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,049 - Well... - No, no, no! 189 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,428 Don't panic! Don't panic! Don't panic! 190 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,013 Can you describe the boys? 191 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,849 Oh, they're... Well, they're all blonde. 192 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:59,352 Um, they're very kind of light-skinned. 193 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,105 Most of them have kind of a hazel-tint to their eyes. 194 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:03,857 Like in the Abercrombie-Fitch ads. 195 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,192 Are we talking like Abercrombie-Fitch boys? 196 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,902 - Exactly, exactly! - They're in the spring. 197 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:07,736 They just went swimming in the spring-- 198 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,739 So we're looking for 45 199 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,616 oldest is 14-year-old Abercrombie and Fitch 200 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:16,578 kind of shirtless tow-headed Aryan type. 201 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,331 There's a... Yeah. 202 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,249 I think it's all shrooms. 203 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,459 Did you take any mushrooms with that? 204 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,627 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. How many? 205 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,463 Stems and caps? The whole things? 206 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,882 Whole thing. Found a whole clove of 'em up on that ridge. 207 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,258 - Right up there? - 'Mm-hmm.' 208 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,593 Uh, here's what we're gonna do. 209 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,887 We're gonna leave you cuffed here. 210 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:34,638 - 'Alright.' - Ride it out. 211 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:38,099 - Right? - Mmm. 212 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,519 Yeah, ride it out! 213 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,606 - I'm good! - Ride it out! 214 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,983 Woo! 215 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:54,741 {\an8}Hey, Joe, can you tell I'm wearing a thong? 216 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,785 {\an8}I've never worn one before. 217 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,578 {\an8}Sheriff's department. 218 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,497 {\an8}Sheriff's department! Is the owner here? 219 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,790 Yeah, I'm the owner. Can I help you? 220 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,834 Yeah. We have a little problem we need to talk about. 221 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:05,961 - Really? - We got a big problem. 222 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,254 Yeah, we got a real big problem. 223 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,088 Is it about the foot in the bag? 224 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:11,633 - Uh, no, it's-- - A foot in a bag? 225 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,009 No. Okay, never mind that. 226 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,762 Is it about the quonset hut full of hookers? 227 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:16,972 No, ma'am. We got a serious-- 228 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,306 - You have a quonset? - 'Never mind.' 229 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,391 Forget I ever said that! 230 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,935 And I hope you're not here for the ruffy incident 231 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,603 'cause I think that's all cleared up. 232 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,480 - Right... - Okay. 233 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,606 - Uh... - Okay? 234 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,816 Alright, now, you talk about a ruffy incident. 235 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:31,194 Now, again, I'm gonna have to ask you, how long ago was this? 236 00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:31,945 Because we're not here for that, frankly. 237 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,655 It was a very long time ago. 238 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,824 Okay. 239 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,368 Many people can't remember it. 240 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,870 - Good enough for us. - Good. 241 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:45,667 W-well, what we're actually here for is, um... 242 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,335 We appreciate that you're sponsoring 243 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,545 the young ladies softball team-- 244 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,546 Thank you! 245 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,338 But the t-shirts 246 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,549 are not appropriate for the girls. 247 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,385 'These are young girls.' 248 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,803 Fine. 249 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,221 Should have said that when you came in. 250 00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,681 - Well, alright. - Good day. 251 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,516 Good day. 252 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,478 That turned out to be easier than I thought. 253 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,523 Have you ever worn a thong? 254 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,483 - No, I haven't. - Oh, good God. This thing... 255 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,985 It's almost like I can't breathe. 256 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,403 Even when my breathing parts 257 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,863 are up here. I know they're not down here. 258 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:15,905 I really don't want to talk about your thong. 259 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,074 'You don't have to talk about it.' 260 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,910 'I'm talking about it. You're supposed to listen.' 261 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:35,926 Oh, well, that's not as bad as I expected. 262 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:41,015 Jim had a little tanning booth accident. 263 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,934 We're here to visit him. 264 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,896 Jim, you look terrific! 265 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:52,233 'I was expecting much worse!' 266 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:57,113 I mean, this is like a surface... burn. 267 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,907 Ooh, you are tense. 268 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,701 Jesus, Jim. What have you been doing? 269 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:05,455 Woo! Woo! You've been lifting. 270 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,624 He's been lifting. 271 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,086 I'm gonna check you for a do-do, okay? 272 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,922 I'm gonna roll you over and check you here. 273 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,757 Uh-oh! Peek-a-boo! 274 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,051 We got a turtle! 275 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,761 Can you work that one out, sweetie? 276 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,013 We'll wait while till that one works itself out 277 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:22,972 God bless him. 278 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:25,475 God bless your little heart. 279 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,602 Would it make you feel better if I stripped down 280 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,895 into just my adult diaper, too? 281 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:31,940 'cause I'll do that for you, Jim, I will. 282 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,442 I am that kind of friend. 283 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,585 What can I do for you? 284 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,755 Uh, well, I just thought I'd pull you over. 285 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:58,591 You were veering over the line a little bit into the other lane 286 00:11:58,592 --> 00:11:59,968 'and then veering back, so I just thought' 287 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,595 maybe I'd pull you over, have a little chat. 288 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:06,141 Well, you're looking awful good tonight. 289 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,852 I know that. Would you please step out of the vehicle, please? 290 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,147 'Spring break?' 291 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,649 No, no, no, no. 292 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,110 Actually, some of that's from yesterday. 293 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,070 Did you used to dance at a place 294 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,031 called The Raging Kitten? 295 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,992 I did! 296 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,161 My goodness. You've got to-- 297 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,370 Why do you remember that? 298 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:31,584 You've got a mole right on the other side of your nipple. 299 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,252 Yes, I do. 300 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,795 'I'd tell you what?' 301 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:38,506 I've had some table dances in my day 302 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,967 but I don't believe I've ever had anything 303 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,011 that could top that. 304 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:47,307 Oh, misty-water-colored memories, huh? 305 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,558 Are you seeing anybody? 306 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,893 You're not married anymore, are you? 307 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:53,105 I was never officially married, no. 308 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,983 Anyway, um... 309 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:58,860 What, you're 5 miles away from the airport? 310 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,654 - Uh... - What can happen? 311 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:02,655 You wouldn't be doing it 312 00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,740 if you didn't think you could handle it. 313 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,992 And quite honestly, I drive great when I'm a little... 314 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,161 You know? 315 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,371 I'm not sure I don't fly just a little bit better 316 00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:11,372 you know what I mean? 317 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,707 Takes the nerve out of it. 318 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,835 You don't overthink things, you know? 319 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,006 Doesn't look like a lot of traffic up there, huh? 320 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,508 Nothing up there to hit. 321 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:26,138 Is there a Missus... Captain? 322 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,766 Well... 323 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:33,561 Uh... no. 324 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,605 No? 325 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,106 I'll take that to mean yes. 326 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:40,944 Okay, look, I should cite you 327 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,989 I should haul you in, but I like your style. 328 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,909 Just make this... Actually, I'm not gonna give you 329 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,078 my phone number. 330 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,872 I got one word for you, one clue... 331 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,749 Karaoke. 332 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,459 'That's it.' 333 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,045 If you want me, you find me. 334 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,881 It's fine. 335 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,092 'He's good. I... I'm...' 336 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,177 'Well...' 337 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,269 'Hey, Cindy.' 338 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,645 - 'Hi.' - Hi. 339 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,648 Did you tell someone in the drunk tank to tap that? 340 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,067 - Did you tell them that? - I did! I learned it today! 341 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,528 Okay, you know what? 342 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:27,323 The next time you see someone that you like 343 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:30,618 don't say that to them when they are in that metal cage-- 344 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:31,744 - Oh. - Okay. 345 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,329 To the people in the cages. Don't say that. 346 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,123 And when they say, "Can I have some lotion?" 347 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,583 - Uh-huh - You say, "No." 348 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,001 - No lotion. - 'No.' 349 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,168 'Cause now I have a mess to clean up. 350 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,462 - So no lotion. - Okay. 351 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,922 And no, "tap that." 352 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:46,467 Only special friends you'd say "tap that" to. 353 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:47,468 Okay. 354 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,517 I know that you're, you're held up here 355 00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:56,144 in a bad state 356 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,396 but I got you some entertainment. 357 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,983 I brought you some entertainment, yeah. 358 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,484 Are you ready? Ready? 359 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,153 Oh! 360 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,998 ♪ Jim Dangle ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ 361 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,293 ♪ Jim Dangle ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Jim Dangle ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ 362 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,837 ♪ Jim Dangle ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ 363 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:25,131 ♪ Tanning bed ♪ 364 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,516 ♪ Jim Dangle ♪ 365 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,521 - He look like he like it. - 'Yeah.' 366 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,315 He liked it. Ha! 367 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,533 Hi. I'm from the Reno Sheriff's Department. 368 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,535 {\an8}Our friends at the Washoe County Animal Shelter 369 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:57,163 have lots of little friends who are currently available 370 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,414 for adoption. 371 00:15:58,415 --> 00:15:59,540 {\an8}This is Koko. 372 00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:00,291 {\an8}'She's a South American macaw' 373 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,377 {\an8}'who's got a lot of love to give' 374 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:06,255 {\an8}and she shows it by singing. 375 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,759 {\an8}Just listen to Koko's enthusiasm. 376 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:14,681 That high-pitched screech is her way of saying I love you 377 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,141 and she says it quite a bit. 378 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,602 Koko's looking for a good family 379 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:22,230 a patient or possibly hearing-impaired people. 380 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,732 So if you're interested, come on down right away 381 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:28,236 before someone else takes this precious little bird 382 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,238 back to their nest. 383 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,574 Ah! [bleep] Ah. Son of a bitch. 384 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,255 Three left turn signals do not a right turn signal make 385 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,133 dip[bleep]. 386 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,595 Missed me, you little asswipe. 387 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:55,138 you, pig. 388 00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,267 Jesus [bleep]! Somebody [bleep]! 389 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,773 'I like working here so much.' 390 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:08,401 - You like working here? - Mm-hmm. 391 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,987 Nobody even try to have sex with me today. 392 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,780 It's so nice. 393 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,407 No, no, no, no. 394 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,784 You know what? But they might try. 395 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,286 But you know what? Let me tell you what you can say. 396 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:23,583 Hell no! 397 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,293 Like that? Like that one? 398 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,128 Yeah, but don't smile after. 399 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,796 'Cause if you go, "Hell no!" 400 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,631 And you smile, they gonna be like 401 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,258 they gonna think you really want to do it. 402 00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:34,261 So you have to keep-keep-keep it like a face like this. 403 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:39,975 Okay. Hell no! 404 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,144 No way I have sex with you for money. 405 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,481 Uh-uh. I don't do that no more. 406 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,485 I don't have sex for no money no more, honey. 407 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,988 You-you teach me a lot. 408 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,156 You teach me so much. 409 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:04,415 "And wilt thou bring me unto dust again?" 410 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,334 Hmm? 411 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,753 "Hast thou not poured me out as milk 412 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,131 and curdled me like cheese?" 413 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,300 See, it's gonna be alright? 414 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,803 You got nothing to worry about. 415 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,806 Nice, nice. 416 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,349 It's your friend Jonesy. 417 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,059 He knows what it's like to have skin 418 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,393 that's different from everybody else 419 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,439 and he's doing just fine, huh? 420 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:32,360 Do you mind if I have, have a moment alone... 421 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,361 You, um... 422 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:34,695 ...with-with Jim? 423 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:35,364 - Alright. - Okay. 424 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,204 Hey, Jim. 425 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:46,500 Did you enjoy your chloroform nap? 426 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:50,211 Huh? 427 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:56,175 Yeah. 428 00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:59,387 Listen, [bleep]. 429 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:04,183 You sexually harass me one more time 430 00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:07,228 I have ample amounts of chloroform 431 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,564 and I have plenty of time. 432 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,609 Shut up. Shut up. Sit there. 433 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:14,652 Help! 434 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:19,282 Hola. 435 00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,116 ♪ Surprise ♪ 436 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,118 ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ We love you ♪ 437 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,245 ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Surprise ♪ 438 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,955 ♪ We love you ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ We love you ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ 439 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,332 ♪ We're here to bring some cheer ♪ 440 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,167 ♪ We hear you're little gloomy ♪ 441 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,793 ♪ We want to make you happy ♪ 442 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,420 ♪ Let's make it snappy ♪ 443 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,005 ♪ We're here you're clear ♪ 444 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,506 ♪ We're here ♪ ♪ You're clear ♪ 445 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:18,466 ♪ We're here ♪ ♪ You're clear ♪ 446 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,301 ♪ We're here ♪ ♪ You're clear ♪ ♪ We're here ♪ ♪ You're clear ♪ 447 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,971 Yay! 448 00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:25,306 - Alright! - No. 449 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,476 They, uh, they pulled your blue cross 450 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,312 and we're gonna have to get you out of here. 451 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:33,356 Everybody-everybody try to be real gentle. 452 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,357 Here we go! 453 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,943 Real gentle. Real gentle. 454 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,319 Real gentle. 455 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,362 - You got him? - Yeah. 456 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:40,988 Real gentle. Real gentle. 457 00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:41,405 'He's hot! [bleep] damn, he's hot!' 458 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,200 Yeah, he's hot. 459 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,326 - Put him down! Put him down! - Put him down! Put him down! 460 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,332 - Damn! You got him? - Get him up! 461 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,792 Alright. Okay, we got him. 462 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,628 That's a good man. 463 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,338 - That's a good man. - Okay! 464 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,506 It's like "Weekend at Bernie's" 465 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,633 except you're alive and you'd rather be dead. 466 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,177 Pivot him. We can get him out if we pivot him this way. 467 00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:04,720 And then pivot him that way. 468 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:05,597 Oh, looking good, boss! 469 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:14,188 I'm not gonna beat around the bush. 470 00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:19,235 I, uh, won a lotto and, uh, wanted to say that, uh... 471 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,529 My good friend Roy Becker and I will be going out 472 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,531 on an Alaskan cruise for four days. 473 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:26,409 And I will be back to work as usual on Friday morning. 474 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:29,870 And I bought a rascal so my mom can buy her groceries 475 00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:30,746 on her own now. So... 476 00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:32,707 - Congratulations. - Congratulations. 477 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,749 Thank you very much. 478 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,001 Moving right along, what today? 479 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,544 Today is Monday. 480 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,256 Oh, which means the new shower policy is in effect. 33930

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