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Here in Washoe County,
we lose about 17 percent
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00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,300
of our mailboxes a year
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due to, uh, kids driving
around with baseball bats.
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Uh, hard to catch
these bastards
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00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:17,141
so, what I'm going to do is
I'm going to rig every mailbox
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00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,268
on this block
with a paint bomb.
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The kind used in banks.
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Uh, these things are, uh
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very sensitive precision,
French-made...
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Sheriff's department, freeze!
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Get on the ground. Freeze.
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{\an8}What? What?
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{\an8}Alright.
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00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,304
{\an8}- There's a tornado!
- Oh, no!
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{\an8}'Hell, no, we won't blow.
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{\an8}Yeah!
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{\an8}He's my friend.
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{\an8}'Good morning, gang.'
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{\an8}Uh...
Phantom limbs.
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Uh, that camp that they have,
uh, in Sparks
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00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,339
for the limbless children
is looking for volunteers...
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- Not it.
- I didn't say you had to.
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They're looking
for volunteers, for instructors
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'cause a lot of these kids
are from Bosnia
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'and the eastern countries
where they still have'
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a serious, serious problem
with land mines.
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If they were American kids,
I'd consider it, but they're--
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Oh, my God, we don't have
a really serious problem
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with undetonated
land mines around here.
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So, I'm sorry that we're
importing our limbless children
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to push them around
a pool in Sparks.
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Hey, Jim, what do you call a kid
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who has no arms
and no legs in a pool?
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Bob.
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A Bosnian,
a little Bosnian orphan.
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That's what you called him.
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00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,373
'Uh, in other news, uh'
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Burger Cousin has been robbed
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00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,544
eleven times
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00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,378
in the past 16 days.
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00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,421
- 'Bad neighborhood.'
- Uh...
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00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:13,674
Jones and Garcia,
I'm assigning you.
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00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:14,842
'I'd like you to go
undercover.'
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00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:17,594
Uh, we need, we need some people
inside the Burger Cousin.
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We need two p...
Two good people inside.
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00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,766
So, we're earning double, then?
47
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,601
No, you're earning
your sheriff's salary.
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00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:26,687
But not a Burger Cousin wage
on top of it?
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00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,772
No, when we, when we do,
for example
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00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,816
when Trudy does undercover
prostitution stings
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00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,568
she actually gave two
jobs, remember?
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Yeah, and I didn't...
I didn't get to keep the money.
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- We never keep the money.
- Why not?
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Well, because I didn't swallow.
Because I didn't swallow.
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- Where did the money go?
- Uh...
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00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,078
Uh, that money went, uh
to the knock hockey table
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00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,746
that we enjoy down
in the rumpus room.
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Yeah, so, the next time
you're playing knock hockey
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just think of me
off some crackhead.
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00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,928
{\an8}- Looks like this is our...
- Okay, yes.
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00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,180
{\an8}Oh, thank the Lord, okay.
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00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,640
{\an8}'Hey, baby, what's going on?'
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00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:04,516
{\an8}Bravo,
thank you so much for coming.
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00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,602
So, here's what
I want to make sure
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00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,146
you all understand right now,
right off the top.
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00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,356
I called you
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00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,275
to report a crime
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that I don't have
nothing to do with.
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00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:15,652
- Okay?
- 'Well, this is a first.'
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I'm not involved in the crime
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I didn't perpetrate the crime
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I didn't do anything, okay?
I was--
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- Can we get to the crime?
- Yes, ma'am, yes!
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00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,663
I was minding my, I was
walking down the street, okay
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00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,331
and I was, indeed,
I'm not going to lie
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I'm a vagabond, a bit
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I'm a little bit of a vagabond
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I was looking for shelter.
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00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,297
I found this vehicle,
the window was open
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and I climbed in.
I climbed into the car.
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00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:39,217
Okay, so, you called us to tell
us that you climbed into a car?
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00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,636
Yes, and I looked in the trunk
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00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,929
and there's something
in the trunk
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00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,555
that I think may be
of interest to you.
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00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:46,224
So, I made sure that
I called immediately.
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00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:47,643
- What's in the trunk?
- It's... There's a head.
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00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,353
There's a head in the trunk.
There's a head.
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00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,355
Twenty-three-year-old male head.
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00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,440
Hypothetically, if I
had severed the head--
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00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:56,109
- Yeah, let's get to that.
- If I had done it...
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00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,653
- Okay.
- Okay.
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00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,862
Then...
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00:03:58,863 --> 00:03:59,489
What would the repercussions be?
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00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,825
- Hypothetically?
- Just hypothetically speaking--
95
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,327
- If you had done it?
- Let's say...
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00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,370
Let's say I was not me.
Let's say I was a different--
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00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,372
Let's do...
Let's play role play.
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00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,707
You be... You be you.
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00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,585
- We gonna be us, okay?
- Okay, I'll be me.
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00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,963
We would be, like, "Hold up."
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00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,173
Stop, freeze, stop
in the name of the law.
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00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,008
- Don't move. Don't move.
- Get them guns out my way.
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00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,468
- Freeze!
- I'm crazy!
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00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:22,386
- I'm crazy!
- And then we would go...
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00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,388
"Boom, boom, boom."
106
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,848
There's a head in that trunk,
oh, Lord
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00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,141
- There's a head--
- Oh, I'm bleeding.
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00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:29,476
I'm bleeding.
I hate you, Jerome.
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00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,230
- Why did you betray me?
- You said, "Jerome, stop."
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00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,606
We're not role-playing anymore,
we're playing real life.
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00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,150
- Why did you say Jerome?
- 'Bec..'
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00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:38,527
Well, that's my cousin's name,
it just come to me right now.
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Is your cousin living
or is he dead?
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00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,533
He is alive,
he is alive with the Lord.
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00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,870
- Alive with the Lord.
- Get your ass in the car.
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00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,372
Hypothetically speaking
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you're about to get
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00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,501
your salad tossed in prison.
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00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,754
Oh, okay, well
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00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,339
thank God it's hypothetical.
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Okay.
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00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,016
{\an8}- Hello?
- Yo.
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00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:09,808
{\an8}- Hey.
- 'Hey.'
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00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,560
Hey. Hey, what's going on?
What's up?
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00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,688
- You guys, you're the guys?
- Yeah.
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00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,064
Okay, well,
you're already late
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00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,733
so, we're not getting off
to a good start here.
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00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,110
- Well, it was 'cause--
- I don't even need any excuses.
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00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:22,070
I need you guys here, 'cause
I'm sick of getting robbed.
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00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,865
I want to make sure that
you are alert and on duty.
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00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:25,574
All my workers that work here
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they follow the rules in place
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but they also follow
Rick's rules, you understand?
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00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,289
I'm the manager, I'm the boss.
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00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,749
You listen to me.
Absolute authority.
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00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,000
- You are the manager?
- Yes, sir.
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00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,626
- You're the boss?
- Yeah, Rick the Manager.
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00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:37,586
That's me, see the name tag?
Rick?
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00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,255
Do I need to put a "The manager"
underneath it
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00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,090
or can we just go on my word?
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00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,593
So, if you follow my rules,
things should go well.
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00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:45,635
- Ready?
- Okay.
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00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,512
'Let's enter the sterile area.'
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00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,931
You are now entering
the Burger Cousin kitchen.
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00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:50,807
This is where the magic happens.
146
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:53,143
This is where
all the food is prepared.
147
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,936
This is where our patrons
come in and enjoy
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the wonderful meals and,
and, and
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00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,439
and and environment
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00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,440
that Burger Cousin has to offer.
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00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,318
I don't ever want you guys
to enter the back.
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00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,944
If you've to go
to the bathroom, let me know
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00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,821
I'll walk you around
the back to the pay bathroom.
154
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:06,990
There are tokens for it. That
jar right there is for tips.
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00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:08,909
I'll collect all the tips
at the end of the day
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00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,619
and distribute them
as I see fit.
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00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,080
I know you guys
are working "Undercover"
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00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,415
I know this is supposed
to be a "Cush" job
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00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:16,333
but I need you guys to work
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00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,959
and give the appearance
of professionality.
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00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:18,627
I don't want you guys
it up today.
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00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,796
- Okay?
- Okay.
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00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,464
There won't be any [bleep] ups.
164
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:23,507
- Good.
- No [bleep] ups.
165
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,800
Don't use that language in here.
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00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,635
- Well, you--
- That's me. I'm the Manager.
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00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,304
Now, I'm going to go
masturbate in the back
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00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,932
you guys get to business.
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00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,320
{\an8}Got a call about a angry mob.
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{\an8}- Yeah.
- Angry mob, Jesus.
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00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:47,697
{\an8}I think the radio's on
the fritz, that can't be right.
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{\an8}Angry mob, we haven't
had an angry mob
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{\an8}since the '70s, I don't think.
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00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,830
{\an8}Since that guy was experimenting
on monkeys out there.
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00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,039
- 'Oh, son of a bitch.'
- 'Oh, man.'
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Just go past 'em, they don't
want anything to do with us.
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00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,377
'Ah, ah, ah... Mike.'
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00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,420
- 'Now, Mike.'
- What?
179
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,340
We got a call about a angry mob.
180
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,008
I ain't seen 'em.
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00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,969
You wouldn't know
anything about that?
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00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,471
No, it's just me
and Stewart hanging out.
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00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,056
- Hanging out?
- 'Hanging out?'
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00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,058
- Yeah...
- Not, not...
185
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,811
Not forming an angry mob
to rush on something.
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00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,937
- No.
- Yeah?
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00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,438
Not...
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00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:21,857
Concerned about the Italians
189
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,025
that moved in right over there.
190
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,569
Hey, have a some pizza pie!
191
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,071
That's,
you are a heartbeat away...
192
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:29,114
That's a hate crime,
do you understand that?
193
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,992
The combination of the torch
and the funny accent.
194
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,827
I'm-I'm not saying
I don't like them.
195
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,037
I'm saying
it just would've, we...
196
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,540
Stewart would prefer it if
someone else would live there--
197
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,208
'Don't hide behind Stewart!
Don't hide behind Stewart!'
198
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:42,502
I don't think... I don't think
you're the ringleader here.
199
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,754
'It's funny, he don't even know
what the hell you're talking--'
200
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,214
He said, he said
201
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,049
he said, he said this morning
202
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,342
"Mike, we gotta go over there
203
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,844
Italians are ruining
the neighborhood."
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00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:51,720
- He did.
- Stewart said that?
205
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:54,181
- Stewart said that?
- 'Is that true?'
206
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:54,890
Did you wake him up
and say Italians
207
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:55,682
are ruining the neighborhood?
208
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,851
Pretty sure that's what he said.
209
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:58,894
Stewart, you got your whole life
210
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,688
ahead of you, son, don't
grow up to be like this man.
211
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:04,065
Don't be like this, okay?
212
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,400
- Yeah.
- You could be anything.
213
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,403
You could be a priest,
you could be--
214
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,072
He couldn't be
a priest, buddy.
215
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:13,867
If you've seen the
he does on a daily basis.
216
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:17,078
He is one randy child.
Aw, come on.
217
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:17,704
Stewart, we're going
to take you to school.
218
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,582
Come on, this ain't funny.
219
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,917
- So, you don't--
- Uh...
220
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,210
No, it is funny.
221
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,629
I'm getting up,
and I'm going to get it on.
222
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,380
- You want to drive?
- You want to drive?
223
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:27,798
Yeah, come on,
got to learn sometime.
224
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:30,759
- Alright.
- Where are the rollers?
225
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,427
He's going to want to know
where that is.
226
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:33,637
See, now, if you run
this fellow over...
227
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,721
- It ain't our fault.
- Ain't our fault.
228
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:43,605
Hola.
229
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,815
Hello, sir,
welcome to Burger Cousin.
230
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,276
May we take your order, please?
231
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,026
Yes, you may, I would like
232
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,778
food for myself
and for my family.
233
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,364
Myself, my beautiful wife
234
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,824
and my two children.
235
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,493
Maybe I would like to have
236
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,035
a burger with cheese
237
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:40,829
and onions and no mayo.
238
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:41,830
- Burger--
- And ketchup...
239
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,208
- Uh, erase.
- 'And mustard.'
240
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:45,834
'Uh, if you don't mind...'
241
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,836
Do I need to slow down
242
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,629
or is this a professional
operation?
243
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,339
My children would like
chicken nuggets
244
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,632
from the children's menu.
245
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,133
- Okay.
- Chicken nuggets for...
246
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,968
For Jimmy over here.
247
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,886
A corn dog and grilled cheese
for Bobby, over here.
248
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:59,180
How much is all that?
249
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,474
- Well, let's--
- Um...
250
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:02,851
$1.85.
251
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,686
That sounds
like an incredible bargain.
252
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,938
And freeze.
253
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,733
Alright, gentlemen,
that was a hell of a drill.
254
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,985
Now, the truth of the matter is,
that was a poor performance.
255
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,320
- 'Alright.'
- Alright?
256
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,237
First of all, you didn't
move fast enough.
257
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:16,656
You missed almost everything
that I ordered.
258
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:17,615
He wasn't supposed to--
259
00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:19,534
I don't want either of you
blaming each other.
260
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:20,785
You gotta work in tandem
if this is going to work.
261
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,538
You guys
work as police officers.
262
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,206
Who do you have?
You have each other.
263
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,875
You got your partner, you're,
like, "Hey, I need backup."
264
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,877
That doesn't mean "Hey,
I'm going to blame you
265
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,253
for everything that goes wrong."
266
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,671
I don't need you guys
267
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,089
playing any kind of grab-ass
behind the counter.
268
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,008
And when customers come in here,
I don't need them thinking
269
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,635
"I'm going to get raped
with my burger."
270
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,016
{\an8}'Got another call
about these [bleep]'
271
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:46,061
{\an8}'damn kids blowing up cats.'
272
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,063
{\an8}- 'Son of a bitch.'
- 'Kids today. Kids today.'
273
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,732
{\an8}'They play the Grand Theft Auto,
do whippets--'
274
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,609
{\an8}And they [bleep] each other
off on the YouTube.
275
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,527
Fireworks, illegal.
276
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,237
Open intoxication, illegal.
277
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,906
- Open container, illegal.
- Oh.
278
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,908
- Oh, oh.
- Oh, man.
279
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,077
- What do we got here, huh?
- Poor little guy.
280
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,245
- Blowing up cats today, huh?
- Sweetest little creature on--
281
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:04,746
Yeah, what are we doing
with these, huh?
282
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,748
Huh, huh?
283
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:09,042
Travis, Travis, Travis,
Travis, Travis, Travis!
284
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,418
Travis, already lit,
it's already lit!
285
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:10,877
It's already lit!
286
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,299
Water, water,
Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis!
287
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,260
Whew.
288
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,728
Don't make us
come out here again.
289
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,111
{\an8}Hello, welcome to Burger Cousin
290
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,779
{\an8}this is Jones.
291
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,948
{\an8}- Hold on.
- Did you wanna...
292
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,870
{\an8}Hi, this is Burger Cousin,
how may I help you?
293
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:47,414
Uh, that gentleman is someone
294
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,457
who has just started
working for us.
295
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,000
Why? Do you have
some kind of complaint?
296
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:54,921
Okay.
297
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,425
I'll handle it.
Thank you very much.
298
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,802
Work on your phone voice.
299
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,769
{\an8}The Reno Sheriff's Department
300
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,187
uh, recently rescued
301
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,481
a young woman named Cindy
302
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:16,609
who was on the path to becoming
a sex slave in her country.
303
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,820
And now, she has a chance
at a better life.
304
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,655
'Uh, hey, Cindy.'
305
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,990
- Hi, there!
- How you doing?
306
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,492
It's your friend
Cheresa come to visit.
307
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,786
Oh, you look so pretty today.
308
00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:27,912
Well, thank you.
309
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,998
I have a spot right here--
310
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,082
Oh, good.
311
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,334
That is so... It's like a rock.
312
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,003
Oh, honey,
you don't need to ask me
313
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,546
more than one time.
314
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,047
- Oh, honey--
- That's real good.
315
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,842
- That's real good.
- Right there?
316
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:41,301
- That's good.
- Like that?
317
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,011
Oh... Oh, yeah.
318
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,305
- You like that one?
- Yeah.
319
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,348
Little bit harder this time.
Okay.
320
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:48,767
- Uh...
- Good, huh?
321
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,645
Hi, there, officer handsome.
322
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:52,897
We've talked about this.
323
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:56,858
- Reno 911, what you want?
- She, uh...
324
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,903
- She was just filing a few--
- Okay.
325
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,988
She was...
326
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:05,074
We don't have to have a sidebar
about treating her like a sex--
327
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,868
- No, we don't.
- We don't.
328
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:14,919
{\an8}Sheriff's department!
329
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,132
{\an8}- Hello?
- Sheriff's department!
330
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:22,551
Yeah?
331
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,385
Wow...
332
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,888
Uh, you wanna set down
the giant, double-pronged dildo?
333
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,848
Is it all right if we
step inside the premises?
334
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,600
- 'Yeah.'
- The thing is...
335
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,559
It's about the flyers.
336
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,187
'Yeah, that's why we came.'
337
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,563
'Cause that red is too much?
338
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,106
No, no, I think the red
actually looks kind of good.
339
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,609
- I think it looks good.
- Oh, well, thank you.
340
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,528
It calls a lot of attention
to your information.
341
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,153
- Thank you.
- Like, for example...
342
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,864
Come in for [bleep] torture
343
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:45,907
dildo punishment, [bleep] play
344
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,076
- Uh-huh.
- Tea-bagging, ball clamping...
345
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,870
- And other.
- And other, yeah.
346
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,455
- Well, the problem is, sister--
- Yeah.
347
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:53,748
If I may?
348
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:54,290
That you have this up
349
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,543
at the Farmer's Market
350
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:57,919
and it didn't go over too well.
351
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,213
These people
down here were angry.
352
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,548
- The bottom line is--
- I'm not offended!
353
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,882
I'm fine with butt plugs.
354
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,092
- I'm fine with tea-bagging.
- Oh, you see?
355
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,385
I'm fine with [bleep] torture.
356
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,636
I'm fine with ball clamping.
357
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,264
The kettle corn people
at the Farmer's Market are not.
358
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,391
And what does kettle corn
have to do with a butt plug?
359
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:12,433
- Nothing, they just--
- So, then, if it's nothing...
360
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,102
Then why are they complaining?
That's [bleep].
361
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,562
They're taking away
my freedom of speech.
362
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,105
Here's the, here's the power...
363
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,274
The structure pyramid
around here.
364
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,610
Okay, there's the mayor...
365
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:23,987
There's the kettle corn people
366
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,613
there's us.
367
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,448
The kettle corn people
give a lot of money
368
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:28,950
to the sheriff's department.
369
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,077
And [bleep] rolls downhill.
370
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,662
They told us
to come over here
371
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,122
and ask you
not to hand out the flyers
372
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,290
at the Farmer's Market
373
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,624
'cause you're hurting
kettle corn business
374
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,126
with the tea-bagging
and butt clamping offers.
375
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,045
Can you just,
can you just not do it?
376
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,463
Sister, I'm going
to do that for you.
377
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,923
You say no, it's done.
378
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,508
- I can't understand them.
- So, could we not--
379
00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:47,260
Could we-could we agree
to do it differently?
380
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,678
- Yes, sister.
- It's like music.
381
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,597
You know what, I don't
want to say it around him--
382
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,307
You can see the notes
in the conversation.
383
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,475
Just picture, picture all
the words on, like, a staff.
384
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:55,643
Will you?
385
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,603
Sister, I'm...
And you know what?
386
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,771
Gratis, free, free,
I'm going to teach you
387
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,815
so, you know, 'cause they
already stole enough from us.
388
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,525
And he is trying to steal
my freedom of speech
389
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,235
and I'm going to agree...
Because I'm agreeing with you.
390
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,361
They don't even know.
391
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:08,156
- I like you, girl.
- I like you back.
392
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,949
Yeah, I like you, girl.
393
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,534
- You come back.
- Hey, Williams.
394
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:14,037
'Thank god we got
black people on the force!'
395
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,289
She's a dude.
396
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,165
- No way.
- Yep.
397
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,334
- You lying.
- Nope.
398
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,794
- Her name's Jeff.
- How you know?
399
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,130
I swam in high school with him.
400
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,549
- What the hell?
- He used to have the second--
401
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:27,383
He used to have
the second largest
402
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,261
I'd ever seen at the time.
403
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,346
At the time.
404
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,566
You [bleep] damn bus drivers
405
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,860
ain't above the law.
406
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,321
Rolling stop is not
a stop make, my friend.
407
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,198
Oof.
408
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,451
Missed me, you son of a bitch!
409
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,171
Uh, Lady Wolf Pack
won again last night.
410
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,256
Uh, there was
a fairly large riot.
411
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,383
Um, which means
412
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,343
most of our regular perpetrators
413
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:12,053
and recidivists are,
uh, in jail.
414
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,262
And it's very quiet
out on the streets
415
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,473
so, we just figured
we'd goof around
416
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:16,933
with the polygraph
a little bit more.
417
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,685
'Raineesha Williams.'
418
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,395
'Yes, that is my name.'
419
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,229
'I have a question.'
420
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,400
Isn't it true that
your tubes are not
421
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,652
in fact, tied?
422
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,571
That you, in fact,
are planning on trapping
423
00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:32,240
Deputy Jones into fatherhood
424
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,576
and marital...
425
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,788
'...not-so-much-bliss with
him?'
426
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,083
What's true is that
you are a dirty bitch
427
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,419
and you never should've
told what I told you.
428
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,754
'When I told you
something in private.'
429
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,256
That's what's true. You want
to see if that's true?
430
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,551
Ask me if she
a dirty bitch.
431
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,136
Oh, I know I'm a dirty bitch.
432
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:56,597
- I know that.
- Alright, everybody calm down.
433
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:59,100
This is why I said we should
play Boggle instead.
434
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,893
No, remember the last time
we played Boggle
435
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,437
I got a broken nose.
436
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,771
Yeah, well,
you were being a
437
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:04,272
during Boggle last time,
that's why. .
438
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,862
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
439
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,780
Everyone calm down!
440
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,490
Everyone calm down, calm down.
441
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,076
- Calm down. Calm down.
- Breathe in.
442
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,454
Look, you said
some nasty things.
443
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,497
You were kind of being a
when we were playing Boggle...
444
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:24,167
Trudy, Trudy!
445
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,466
{\an8}Excellent, just like that.
446
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,342
{\an8}Deposit all that
in the trash in back.
447
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:49,359
I just...
448
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,988
Gotta take care of it.
Gotta work on the fly.
449
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,490
I'm keeping you sharp, man.
450
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,407
Things like that are going
to happen all day.
451
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,327
I'm keeping you sharp.
452
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,455
That looks good.
You handle burgers before?
453
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,498
Nope, this is my first.
454
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,374
You doing a good job.
Look like you're a natural.
455
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,002
Good job.
456
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,296
Now, what did I do wrong?
457
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,632
- Uh...
- What did I do wrong?
458
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,217
You...
459
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,803
I had inappropriate
sexual contact
460
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,763
with your buttocks.
461
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:19,806
I was getting to that, yeah.
462
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:20,389
- That's what I did wrong.
- Okay.
463
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,850
Okay, I need you to report
464
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,186
any kind of activity
like that to me directly.
465
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,063
I don't want to have
any harassment suits here.
466
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,232
Okay, so,
anything like that happens
467
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,566
you report it directly to me.
468
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,692
- To you?
- Exactly.
469
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,194
- Okay.
- Now, tend to those burgers.
470
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:33,403
- Okay.
- Okay, good job.
471
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,667
'Got a couple of lovebirds'
472
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:48,417
trying to do a bungee marriage
473
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,920
on the bridge here.
474
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,172
Jordan, do you take Shane
475
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:56,050
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
476
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,052
Hey, there!
Sheriff's department.
477
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,929
'Who invited the cops
to my wedding?'
478
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,097
Yeah, break it up.
479
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,348
Sorry, we're actually
having a ceremony.
480
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:05,059
I'm sorry,
we're actually not allowing...
481
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,727
- ...you to do that here.
- ...trying to do our jobs.
482
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,521
This is, uh, illegal.
483
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,482
You can't bungee jump
off this bridge.
484
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,192
Shane!
485
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,402
Don't act like
you don't know me.
486
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,696
I see that you, uh, recovered
from your bachelor party
487
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,406
which I performed
at the other night.
488
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,408
Actually, you...
489
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,410
Caught that boiled egg
in your mouth.
490
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,411
- Oh, yeah, right.
- And I saved it because...
491
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,788
I just couldn't believe it
I've never seen that
492
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,540
it's like getting a hole-in-one.
493
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,916
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
494
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:33,796
Okay...
495
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,223
{\an8}'This is disgusting.
I can't do this anymore.'
496
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,433
{\an8}Here he comes. Here he comes.
497
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,602
{\an8}What did I say about
private chit-chat?
498
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,312
{\an8}You said that we should
consult with you
499
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,565
to have a con... conversation.
500
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,317
No, I said there's absolutely
no private, personal chit-chat.
501
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,444
It's not appropriate
for the workplace environment.
502
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,446
- Okay.
- Um...
503
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,865
So that chili I had for lunch
504
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,784
resulted in an explosive
bathroom experience
505
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,411
and, uh, I don't know how
to put this delicately
506
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:08,331
but I missed the toilet
entirely.
507
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,625
It was as if there was a vacuum
508
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,084
sucking things out of my body
509
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,128
and just projecting them
all over the bathroom walls.
510
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:15,796
Now, I'm gonna need you guys
to clean it up.
511
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,798
So, here's some tokens.
512
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,467
I'm gonna need you guys
to go into the bathroom
513
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,510
and just, top to bottom,
scrub it.
514
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,470
It was horrible
and I'm, I'm embarrassed
515
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,847
and I hate to ask you to do this
516
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,140
but it's your responsibility,
technically
517
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,559
and I'm gonna, I'm gonna need
you to clean that [bleep] up.
518
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,312
And then I'm gonna need you
to clean that [bleep] up.
519
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,940
Oh, so it's gonna be like that?
520
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,608
I thought you guys
were professional.
521
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:37,485
Are you quitting on me?
I want to hear you say it.
522
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,446
Are you quitting on me?
523
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:42,991
You [bleep] quitters!
524
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,458
Jesus, I thought
those douchebags
525
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,043
would never leave.
526
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:54,586
Get the money
out of the register!
527
00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:58,673
Act like your job is so tough.
528
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,341
"I'm big,
important manager man."
529
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,343
I've done your job all day.
530
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,221
Now, on the ground!
531
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:07,140
By the way, this place
is a [bleep] hole.
532
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,356
{\an8}I will require you
to operate the cash register
533
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,524
{\an8}but I do not want you
to handle the cash.
534
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,484
{\an8}Whenever the drawer is open
and people handle money
535
00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:20,403
{\an8}You call me in.
536
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,321
{\an8}I will be the only one
to touches money.
537
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:23,823
{\an8}That way your hands
never touch money
538
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,157
{\an8}that way the dirt
from the money
539
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,867
{\an8}never transfers
from your hands to the food
540
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:27,868
That way people
aren't concerned
541
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,578
{\an8}that the grubby hands
that they're puttin'
542
00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:31,497
into the pockets or all over
their genitals
543
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:33,666
is getting touched
on to the food, you know,
544
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,875
{\an8}vicariously
through your hands.
545
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:35,876
{\an8}Okay.
546
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:36,919
{\an8}You understand
what I'm saying?
547
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,212
{\an8}So, you'll be pushing
the buttons
548
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:39,339
{\an8}I'll be touching the money.
41007
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