Original subtitles

Bike helmets, still optional in Nevada.

Okay.

This is operation eye in the sky.

I have a tiny homing beacon right here...

...linked up...

...to a GPS system.

Now...

...if my bike is stolen

I can track it...

...anywhere in the world.

Alright. We have laid the bait.

Still working, check.

Check. Check.

I can see exactly where my bike...

Oh,

Wow, that was really fast.

Okay. We go. We go. The hunt's afoot.

East.

Oh, you did it now.

He's coming. Here he comes. Gotcha!

Oh!

Yeah!

'Good morning, gang.'

'Good morning.'

Uh... that little crack head who's in the jail right now

is a dwarf, he's not a midget.

'Please don't refer to him as a midget anymore, okay?'

Kimball.

- Thank you. - 'Johnson.'

What's this?

'Lady officer filed a grievance.'

She said the-the bulletproof body armor

was, uh, uh, constricting, and did not allow her

to perform her duties as a sheriff's deputy

'uh, to her utmost abilities.'

Uh, and we now have to issue you

special ladies' bulletproof body armor.

So men aren't allowed to say that their tits get in the way

but if they say their tits get in the way

- They get a brand-new uniform. - 'Yeah.'

Hey, Jim, do we get, do we get special penis guards?

Special schlong protectors?

- Don't you? - Yeah, it's a cup.

- 'It's called a cup.' - It's called a cup.

What do you think?

Pretty good. Really hugs you in good.

- Good on you. - Yeah. Feels solid.

Sorry. So sorry.

- Excuse me. - 'That looks real...'

- 'That looks real good on you.' - 'Thanks.'

I filed a grievance, 'cause I felt like

I couldn't do my work around my tits, you know.

Mm-hmm.

- I guess we could try it. - 'It's not a bad color.'

I mean, now that they're out of the boxes, and what not.

I mean, I don't know if mine even fits, but I'll try.

They're not mandatory. No one said they're mandatory.

'No.'

They took the trouble to buy 'em.

- We'll, we'll try 'em on. - 'They're here now.'

- They're not mandatory! - Yeah, and this...

- 'That's fine.' - 'Jim?'

Sir?

I'm pretty sure

uh, evlar-kay ests-vay

go on the inside-ay.

Of a shirt ay-vay? Of a shirt?

- Um. - What are you saying?

'Why do you wear yours on the outside?'

I've been wanting to know that for...

I was hung over when I got dressed this morning

and I forgot, I always remember

Kevlar first, but then, I already got my shirt on.

- 'So, wait a second.' - 'Yes, sir.'

So, you said you were hung over this morning.

And that's why you put your Kevlar

on the outside of the shirt.

Yes, sir.

'You've been doing that for 11 years.'

'Okay. Moving right along.'

Got a 911 call, 1433...

'Am I crazy? There's-there's no-no house here.'

No. You're not crazy.

'Cause that's... okay, that's 1432

That's 1434.

- Fourteen-thirty. - Fourteen-thirty.

Remember me? Guess what?

I'm out. Ten years, man.

I'm out.

I'm on your block.

Hello.

Have we met before?

Kyle Overstreet, man.

- Kyle Overstreet. - Um...

From... putting me in jail

from me doing a dime

from you testifying against me, man.

I'm back, and I'm getting revenge.

- Yeah. - Ooh, okay.

Oh, oh, oh! God! All of a sudden they start remembering.

- For what, again? - What'd you do, Corey?

No, we didn't start remembering. Wha-what did you do?

- Robbery, my neighbor. - Robbery?

- You rob your neighbor? - Elderly man?

Chopped him up into little pieces?

- No. - Oh, that's somebody else.

Stole his record collection.

You're not the guy who used to [bleep] feet.

- Did you [bleep] feet, Corey? - Remember that?

No, my-my name is

Kyle Overstreet.

You guys, three strikested me.

- Famous robber. - Okay...

- Oh, that's the radio. - Oh.

Oh, yikes. We gotta go. We gotta take care of this.

- Yeah. Uh, yeah. - It went...

It's very quiet sometimes these days.

Next time... next time...

you're gonna revenge somebody and, like, ten years has passed

and they're in the stir, and all you're thinking is everyday

you're carving, "Oh, my-my blueprint for their demise!"

and the ultimate revenge.

In between, send a card, or a letter

or something like that.

Or a threatening email. Something like that.

You're freaking. You're freaking, dude.

Revenge isn't always best served cold.

You're freaking. You're both freaking!

Sometimes, it's best served at least lukewarm, or something.

You're, I can see you shaking, man. You're shaking.

- I'm totally shaking. - You are.

Craig, I'm totally shaking, man. I totally am.

Kyle, dude! Right.

'What do you got? Talk to me.'

'Talk to me, talk to me.'

Uh, I have, um

mixed, mixed news.

- Hey, a catcher's mitt! - Catcher's mitt!

- Catcher's mitt! - Oh, sweet.

Oh, you gotta break that in, you get some linseed oil

and put a ball in there, and then tape it up

you put a bandage overnight.

Okay. Now, to the bad news...

Um, I think we figured out

we figured out what the smell was.

We figured out the smell. So, that's good.

We, whenever we get to unravel a mystery

whenever we unravel a mystery, that's in the plus column.

Another present!

Ha-ha! Another present!

That's in the plus column. Whenever you unravel a mystery.

So, we've unraveled a mystery today, which is wonderful news.

- And now... - Hey, big one!

- Big one! - Big one!

Hey, hey, hey!

Xbox 360!

Wow, that's the best one they make. Look at that!

Xbox 360, great!

- Ohh. Full of socks. - 'Oh. Got him.'

- Got it? - Yeah.

Ugh!

Oh!

No, just the boot.

Uh! Aah! Foot in it!

Okay.

Today...

...is the first day...

...of the rest of your life.

And I'm gonna fish the rest of your dad's corpse

out of the chimney, okay? And then...

we're going for an ice cream.

Good morning!

'Good morning, Mr. Marmella.'

It is a good morning. It's a...

Ahem, Mr. Marmella, we're here to put

the sex offender sign in your front yard...

The hessima who? What is...

- Uh, the sex offender sign. - Yes, that's me.

Remember, you're under house arrest.

- And you're a sex offender. - How can I forget?

We need to, um, put this sign in your front yard to, uh...

Why don't you come help us pick out a spot?

- "Megan's law. Danger." - Yeah.

Well, that's silly. I'm not a...

What is, what are these you're wearing?

Uh, they're Kevlar vests. Up here.

So, like, if a bullet just came...

- And just... - Don't.

I'm holding a mallet, Steve.

Okay, I'll just be over here.

- 'And she'll use it.' - Yeah.

You wanna... you wanna do the...

- Yeah. - Oh!

Oh! Ladies getting physical.

- Alright. - That's...

Oh! Yes!

Please don't make that sound every time I hit the thing.

Mm!

Just go ahead and bang that thing.

- Okay - Mm! Two women banging!

Please don't, with the sounds. 'cause it sounds sexual.

Sorry. Sorry.

Unh! Mm! Mm!

Harder! Harder! Harder!

Ah!

Okay, give it a good slam.

I don't want you to get my-my fingers.

- Yes. Yes. - Auden, you know what?

- You're doing it again. - What am I...

I'm just making sure she hits the gosh-darned thing--

You're looking at her boobies!

Oh, [bleep]damnit.

Hey, you know, I'm sorry. I won't help the police anymore.

"Megan's law. Sex offender.

Dangerous."

Dangerous man!

Here.

So, watch out you!

- Watch out, everybody. - Alright. You know what?

I think maybe you should go on back in the house now, 'cause...

Yeah, you've got your underpants on and it's not...

Mr. Marmella, back in your house.

No, I-I live across the street.

So, good day.

Well, you know what, this neighborhood

is filled with sex offenders.

I mean, there's a very good chance...

- That whoever lives here is... - ...has done something.

I enjoy this Kevlar.

One thing that's great about it for me is

I can, never knew, I've found talents

that I never knew I had.

♪ Nice to meet you ♪

♪ One two three ♪

♪ I'm a booby, look at me ♪

♪ How do you do? This is booby number two ♪

♪ Nice to meet you I'm a boob ♪

♪ Nice to meet you... ♪

Stop that! Stop that!

Now, if the hump in her back

could join in and play the banjo

you'd have a whole short film.

I could work on that.

We just got a 911 call.

A neighbor is assaulting another neighbor.

- Here we are. - Aw, d...

No! Mike.

- What? - Put it down, Mike.

- Put it down. - Put it down.

Not today. I was apologizing.

- No. Not today. - Put it down!

Not putting it down. Watch out there.

No, Mike, put down the sh...

- This is not a show! - No! No! No!

Go! Go! Mike! Calm down. Calm down.

- 'It's not a show.' - Calm down, Mike.

I'm the, I am the last Samurai on this block.

- Put it down! - Grr!

'One... we will count.'

- 'One...' - Two! Two!

- We're counting! - We're starting...

Starting again, one...

Ack! I screwed it up.

- 'No! One...' - 'Hey!'

Get your ass in the car.

Come on. Right this way.

Right this way. Right into the car.

There you go. Right in.

'I love it!'

'Oh, Jesus!'

- Ooh! - Ooh!

'Oh! Wow! Heh heh!'

Clean up on aisle five!

See you at the courthouse.

And there's a camera right over there.

Gotta watch what you say about the Jews.

Unh!

You can't sell it on the street, sister.

You can't sell it on the street.

What are you doing?

'Dude! Dude! What the [bleep] are you doing?'

It's called a body harness.

You're-you're bod... you're body harnessing

yourself to our vehicle?

Yeah.

Oh-oh, God! Will he go to those lengths?

Is he that crazy?

Yeah! I am!

Oh, my God!

You guys are freakin' out all of a sudden.

This guy's gonna body harness himself?

It's Overstreet! Kyle Overstreet.

- Oh, that's the-- - Kyle Overstreet!

'The guy who's gonna, you were gonna get your revenge on us.'

Yeah. Now you remember.

- 'No. Actually, no.' - 'I mean, you, yeah.'

I mean, I remember the time when you said before

that you're gonna get your revenge from... later.

But not from, not from before...

From the dime that you spent.

Now, when you thought about this plan in jail

and getting your revenge

were you aware that we

we drive the police interceptor here?

That doesn't have that much clearance.

I thought it was a bigger car.

You thought it was some sort of sport utility vehicle

Maybe a Tahoe, something like that.

No, we're out driving the regular interceptor.

I-I don't think you could even fit under there.

Yeah, you're kind of a biggish guy.

Uh, you know what?

Uh, gee. Should I be taking advice from you?

Yeah, guess what? No.

I don't give a crap

what you guys have to say.

Can I-can I say something right now?

The surprise of you, of us going somewhere

uh, and then you leaping out from beneath our vehicle

and saying, "Revenge!" is kind of blown now

'cause now we know we know you're here.

Totally different surprise now.

That I thought it was a bigger car

found out it was smaller, but still-still did it.

Fine, we'll act surprised when you jump out

and get your revenge, I swear to God.

You're getting the first pothole. You're...

'Get out! Get out from under there!'

'We're going and we're not going to be surprised.'

- 'Ah!' - Nope.

- 'Ah!' - I told him.

- You tried to tell him. - I tried to tell him.

Are you happy now?

Ken, are you alive?

'Kyle!'

By the way, thanks for the invite

to go water skiing alone with you this weekend?

It sounds like a lot of fun.

Yeah, I'll teach you how to get up pretty quick.

If you need help...

Are we still on for lunch this afternoon?

- Definitely. - Okay. Thank you!

Um, I'm sorry.

I-I think all of this sounds great.

All this lip service you're paying

Miss Nitwit over here. Alright? Sorry.

There are ten new gazoombas in town, sweetie. Eat it.

Yeah. Mine are still better.

Eat it. Eat it. Eat it.

Oh, stop it.

'I'm sick of these uniforms, okay?'

I feel objectified.

I see you guys getting objectified

and you're not used to it and I'm sick.

Jealous Judy here.

I've got bubs but I've got balls

and I'm gonna go show 'em. To the captain.

I'm gonna get these things outlawed.

It's not right, okay? It's not right.

- Oh, come on. - Come on, yeah.

- I'm gonna do it right now. - Can't we be friends?

What did Tigger do today?

Oh, my God. You won't believe this.

Okay. So, this morning, I wake up to this.

- Mama. - Oh, that's so cute.

No, no, no. It was a rat.

What?

I just got promoted.

You know what?

I'm gonna hoist these puppies up

and see if I can't get us a popcorn machine.

Oh, do to. Do to, do to. Yeah.

Wanna swing by the place? See my new fridge?

- No, I don't. - It won't take very long.

- It's a mini-fridge. - 'Yo!'

What the fudge. What is this guy's name again?

- 'Carl.' - What now, Carl?

How about this?

- What's he doing? - I don't know.

No! No!

Do not put gasoline on this vehicle!

- 'Put down the lighter.' - Put the lighter down.

- 'Put the lighter down.' - 'Lighter down.'

- 'Lighter down.' - 'Put the lighter down.'

- What the [bleep]? - Hey, man. I decided...

What the [bleep]? What do you want from us, Carl?

- 'What do you want?' - I want revenge, man!

Y-Y-it's gonna be gasoline. It's gonna be something, my man.

You're gonna be in your bed some night. Whatever, dude.

Cobra. You open a box. There's a cobra.

- You know, whatever. - Carl! We don't remember you.

Kyle!

- Okay? It's Kyle! - 'Stop it.'

You know, when you walked me past

blind justice in that courtyard

and I looked at that thing, and I said, "You know what?

"I'm never going to see freedom for ten years

blind justice." You did this.

- 'Statue of blind justice?' - Yes. Statue of blind justice.

Carson City, you're thinking of Carson City

Sheriff's Department. Blind justice.

'They got a big statue of blind justice.'

'Carson city.'

'Forty-five minutes due South.'

It's Carson city! It's Carson city!

Couldn't-gee-gee.

I guess I know why you guys don't remember me.

We'll remember you now. Now, we'll remember you.

'Cause you tried to set us on fire and take your revenge.

- Yeah. - Oh, Kyle!

- You guys are cool. - Kyle.

- 'Kyle Overstreet.' - Yes! Kyle Overstreet.

Now, who's going to Carson City PD

and he's gonna kick some ass.

- Okay. - Now, you guys...

You guys gonna have to tell them or?

- No. - No. Fuck those guys.

- Carson City? - Yeah.

Uh-uh.

Three ninety-five, straight South.

Carson city. You'll see signs. Can't miss it.

Alright, then.

Unbelievable.

It was weird, but I would feel-I was...

'Cause you have a, your-your mind is...

It's like a trap. Everything in here is like a trap.

'Hey, bud. What's up, Jun?'

What's up, man?

How are ya?

What you doing tonight, Travis?

Sure, hangin' out with the boys.

Popping back some cold ones with the, uh...

Ha-ha! Hey! Hey, Junior.

They got "Heard It In A Love Song" on.

Oh.

Ahem.

- Sheriff's department. - Sheriff's department.

'Oh! Um...'

Um, Jesus.

- Hi. - Come in. Come in.

- Oh, hello. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, let me tell you what was going on, okay?

I had a client, a professional... come in.

I go to settle up payment, everything like that.

And he is 'bout to waltz out!

- Sounds like he was... - Skipping out on the tab.

- Dip and split. - Dip and split.

- Or whip and split. - Whip and split.

- Or the dip and whip and split. - Dip and whip and split.

- The dip and whip with nuts. - Well, I am sorry about that.

With whipped cream on top.

- I'm just imagining. - Mm-hmm.

- Can I ask you something? - Sure.

Where you all get these, um, vests?

- That's nice. - Kevlar for her.

That's really nice. 'cause you know why?

'Cause if you wanna, like, tighten it, pull it up on you...

Let me see?

Like that. You know what I'm saying?

It fits you nicely and the color is nice.

- Thank you. - I'm getting uncomfortable.

- I'd like to leave now. - Okay. Let me pull yours.

Okay.

Ooh.

Ah.

I'm so tired.

Makes me want to stretch out. Oh.

Oh! Hit the curb. Sorry.

Don't know what I was thinking about there.

Just, uh-look, I'm just-I'm just all kerfuffle today.

- Jim. - Yeah?

Just stop the car for a second.

Um...

I...know that for years

I've been trying to get you to notice me

and I've been trying to get you to...

I don't have to recap for you.

- You're you. - Yeah.

We've, you know, we've been

each other's friends for many years.

I feel like... and maybe it's just...

Let's never talk of that again, okay?

- That's fine. - Okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

We'll never speak of that again.

Definitely not.

'They should make shorts to go with these.'

'I agree with you. I'll drink to that.'

Good evening, everybody. I've got Clemtastic news.

- 'Hey. Clem.' - Okay, say baby, say.

Uh, can we have a toast?

To objectifying the Tetons.

These are here to stay.

- USA! USA! - Reno! Reno!

Now, everybody, we've got to break these things in, huh?

Come on, Junior. You take a shot at me.

Come on! come on, chicken.

Hold your ears.

It didn't do [bleep].

Uh, we should probably call...

- Call the paramedics! - Office Dan...

You still look great.

- Yes. - You look-you look great.

Don't ruin it for the rest of us.

I-I don't know.

Honestly, I swear to God there's-there's something

much more appealing about, you know.

- Okay? - Okay.

I feel like I'm gonna cry, okay.

I shouldn't cry.

Okay, I'm not sure what a lady does

when she's being motorboated.

Oh, my God.

Wow!

I'll go back in.