Original subtitles

Look alive, look alive.

'Hey, Frisbee. Hey.'

Uh, so...

You wouldn't know anything about, uh

those two, uh, Department of Child Services fellas

who came up here a couple of weeks back.

N-nobody's seen 'em since they come up here.

'You know anything about that?'

Mmm.

- Okay, we asked. - Okey-doke. We had to ask.

Weapons down, weapons down.

- Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe , Joe. - Get in the car, Joe.

'Son of a bitch, she tricked me!'

It was a trick!

- I got it. - Oh!

Alright, okay, I've got another...

Get back in the building! No loitering!

Meanwhile, at the Reno's Sheriff's Department...

- What are you doing? - 'I thought that'd go better.'

Way too early for that [bleep].

I thought it'd be a fun way to start our morning briefings

if I gave it a little, bam-bam!

It wasn't, Jimmy, it was weird.

Well, you sound like the "Superfriends" guy

but you're saying stuff from the "Batman" show.

Then it also needs that...

Duh!

I don't want any more notes on it.

- I tried it. - I'm sorry, Jim.

Let's do it again, just do it again.

Let's-let's hear it one more time.

Meanwhile, at the Reno Sheriff...

it.

Anyhoo, did everybody vote already?

- Not yet. - 'Not yet?'

Big day. Get out and do it.

Oh, no, I was gonna do it on my way home.

Proposition-C.

Prop-C! Prop-C! Prop-C! Prop-C!

♪ Woo woo ♪

Proposition-C

means a three percent raise...

...for us.

'It's just for law enforcement.'

Half, uh, half a cent sales tax.

It's the same thing the teachers were trying to get last year.

- Yeah, they got, they got-- - Boo!

- Yeah. They got-- - 'Boo teachers.'

Uh, and somebody's gotta go pick up ballots, uh

take 'em down to be counted--

Uh, I'm on that. I'm on that list.

'I posted it outside.'

Do Trudy and I have to go together?

'No, you get to go together.'

Every time there's an assignment

I get this.

Yeah, but now it's worse, 'cause Wiegel's got

them pregnancy farts.

No, no, no. Those are getting better.

'Better? Which way do you mean?'

- 'Oh...' - 'How do you mean?'

Well, for me, better, but for others...

Right.

We got the ballots.

Keep your fingers crossed for us, Joe.

'Good luck, good luck on getting that pay raise'

that you, uh, so richly deserve.

Take a little bit of the salt off of that, sister.

- We do deserve it. - 'But you do-what?'

You know what? I-I-I don't think you do, actually.

What do you do all day?

'I teach your little crackheads how--'

Hey, my crackhead hasn't been born yet, so watch it.

You have an organization of teachers

that will come in called "Subs"

if y'all don't wanna come to work.

You could make a livin' being a sub!

It seems like if you're a Jew, you get every damn holiday off.

We don't get a thing.

I-i-if you're what?

You want me to smack you, don't you?

Don't you wave your stick in my face.

- Hey! - G-get--

Get back in the building! No loitering!

- 'Now, listen--' - No loitering!

- Move it! Move it! Move it! - I'm telling on you!

Let's go! Move it! You're loitering--

I'm telling on you!

Get in there, Mary Kay Letourneau!

Why don't you go have sex with one of your students

Mary Kay Letourneau?

I just said that, Trudy.

I didn't-wasn't sure if she got the reference.

Get in the car. Oh!

I got it. Don't you pick it up.

- No. - No. No, I didn't vote.

Vote, I shouldn't have to vote for what's right.

You know, our...

I mean, I can say my people...

...didn't fight

for many many years...

Wait, what was I gonna...

- I don't know. - Okay, yeah... My peop-no...

My people did fight a long time ago for voting.

Now, I don't have to.

That's what I, that's what my people

fought for me to not vote.

They fought that I... I don't have to vote if I don't want to.

That's right.

Fought for your, for your right not to give a [bleep].

Give us the [bleep] money.

'You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can'

and will be used in a court of law...

Listen to me, listen to me, I'm DEA.

- What? - Deep undercover.

Check my back pocket, left back pocket.

I've been working on this case a long time.

You need to take us in, but you need to make it look good, okay?

You need to make it look good, okay?

So hit me. Rough me up a little bit.

Rough me up a little bit.

Ow! [bleep] My ear! Ow!

- Run, Jalucio, run! - 'Dammit!'

'Ow! My ear! [bleep]'

She cut my ear!

'[bleep] damn it. Holy [bleep]! Son of a bitch!'

- Where'd they go? - What?

Yeah. Sure. [bleep], damn!

'011 David, 109996'

'checking in to QIC.'

'Buenos dias.'

How you doing today, sir? Uh...

Sir, I'd like to thank you in advance for your cooperation

today on this vehicle search.

It's a coordinated attempt

between all the agencies in law enforcement

14 of us, FBI.

Desperate times call for, uh

random vehicle searches sometimes.

- Terroristas. - Terroristas. That's right.

- Osama Bin Laden. - Yeah.

So we don't wanna threaten any, uh

hardworking citizens such as yourself.

We just need to kind of look and...

Caught you, you son of a bitch.

Gotcha.

Can't fool law enforcement.

Oh. Naranjas. $5.00.

Oranges, we call these.

You came from California with the oranges?

Gonna have to write you a ticket.

'Think it's up to like $35 now.'

Wow.

Murders, stabbings and carjacking's

are all on the rise according to the news.

I wish there was a way I could be safe all the time.

I have a wife and a baby at home.

What will they do if I'm stabbed to death?

Well, thanks to police tech

now there is the Decimator

a personal safety device with the power of

70,000 decibels.

Let's try it out.

- Stop it! - Remember.

The Decimator is not a toy.

It's a serious safety device

and it's not legal in a few states.

Well, the Police Tek Decimator sounds just like what I need

when I've got a wife and a baby at home.

Then turn up the volume on your safety

with the power of the Decimator

proudly made in North America.

We take you now live to the Reno Sheriff's department

where a press conference is already in progress.

These pants give me a camel-toe.

Let me look.

That is bad.

That is not a camel in her pants

ladies and gentlemen.

- Camels do not have... - En-en-engorfed?

How do they say? Engorged [bleep].

Aah!

And the [bleep] was last seen

at the convenient store riding--

- Buying lottery tickets. - 'Hey! Hey!'

'You're on the air.'

is on the loose.

It is on the loose and is...

- 'You're on the air!' - Uh, hello.

♪ Yes on prop C proposition C ♪

♪ Did you vote? ♪

♪ No I did not vote just yet ♪

♪ But I'm going to vote after work ♪

♪ If I don't get caught up at the nail place ♪

♪ What time do you get off of work? ♪

♪ I get off at five thirty ♪

♪ Don't the polls close at four thirty? ♪

♪ No they close at eight o'clock ♪

♪ Oh crap that doesn't work for me ♪

♪ I'm supposed to play darts ♪

I don't know why I'm doing that.

I am freaking out.

I can't believe the answer is right there in these boxes.

Right there. You know what I'm saying?

It feels like, you know, i-it's Christmas Day

you see the presents right there and you just wanna unwrap it.

'Right.'

Should we unwrap it?

You think there's presents in there?

- Trudy, there's votes in there. - Oh, the ballots.

- And then we could know. - No, we should not do that--

No, it's not, it's probably not even legal.

Just, I mean, a peek. Is there a peeking law?

It's like... I remember one Easter morning

when I went downstairs to see did the Easter bunny come.

Did the Easter bunny come?

And I brought with me a little

a dish towel from my fake kitchen

that I had in my bedroom

and I went down and I saw, he did come

and I left the fake dish towel by accident.

Later, when my mom and dad came downstairs with me

and I said, "Oh, the Easter bunny has come!"

And the dish towel was there

and my mom, she smacked the [bleep] out of me.

We'll just peek. We're not gonna change 'em.

Trudy, l-listen to me. Then we're going to put them back.

- Back. - We just want the information.

We wanna know whether we got the raise

and we're gonna put them back.

- Back. Back. - Back.

Put za candle back.

That's the vehicle right there. That's the stolen... Get out!

Turn your vehicle off! Turn it off!

Put your hands up where we can see 'em!

Hands up!

'Get your hands up, sir!'

Now, get out of the car slow!

'Slow!'

You, turn around! Right there!

'[bleep]. [bleep].'

The [bleep], don't say a word.

.

- damn, that guy's big. - What do you wanna do?

it. You take her.

Let's go, sir! Put your hands on the car right now.

'Put 'em on the car! Both at the same time!'

- What? - 'Alright.'

- 'Spread your legs!' - Slow. Slow.

Alright, let's cooperate. Let's cooperate.

- I got nothing. No. - Come here.

Come here [bleep].

Come here. Come here!

Alright, sir, put your left hand behind your back.

Fancy meeting you here.

How's it going? How's-how's the investigation going?

I am so close. You guys actually have perfect [bleep] timing.

- Okay. - I have so much information.

Tonight there's gonna be a big bust.

- Take us in now. Now. - Okay.

- It's got to look real. Huh? - Look real?

Alright, come on! Come on, girl!

- No! [bleep] you, copper! No! - You're getting in the car!

you! [bleep] you!

Get up in here! Get up in here! Put...

Oh, God!

You'll never get me!

- Oh, my God. - '[bleep] you!'

Ohh!

- Oh, dear God. Oh, dear God. - Oh, man.

Oh, dear [bleep]! Son of a bitch.

- Son of a bitch. - Go!

Dangle. Dangle. Down, Junior.

Down. He's got a Uzi. He's got an Uzi.

I am from the future. I am from the future!

He's from the future? Son of a bitch.

- No-no-no, sir, no! No, sir! - No! No! No!

Come on! Get the [bleep] down!

I was sent here because there's a war

a war between the computers

and the humans

and the dogs and the cats.

You get your gun. You put down your gun.

I'm gonna put this down.

'If you take off your pants'

'I'll drop down the gun.'

Calm down. Calm down.

Wha-no, why don't you just put down the gun?

I'll drop the gun if you take off your pants.

'You'll drop the gun if we take off our pants?'

How do I know you're not computers?

- 'We're not computers.' - How do I know?

Take off your pants. Take off your pants!

- Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa, whoa.

Take 'em off. Take 'em off.

We're taking 'em off, sir.

Okay! Okay! Mine's gone.

In the future, everyone has no clothes.

The computers sens... They sensitize you.

They will sensitize you.

- Okay, drop it down. - They look into your...

- They look into your retina. - Drop it down.

- They sensitize you. - Yes. Yes. Yes.

- 'Later, later!' - No! No! No!

Okay. Alright!

Stop it! Oh!

Guys, guys, guys, I have the Uzi now.

- I have the Uzi. - 'Okay.'

Lie down. On the ground, okay?

Lie down on the ground in the present.

'Lie down into the present.'

This is humiliating!

Humiliating! I don't like it!

He doesn't like it, apparently.

Sir, have you done any, uh, substances today?

You might wanna tell us about.

I'm gonna see you in court and sue you

like your mother didn't know.

Like your mother didn't know!

Gonna sue us like our mother didn't know.

Son of a bitch would probably win, too.

'No, he's got a case.'

Once again, I am going to ask you in English.

- Where is the stuff? - 'Get him. Get him.'

All I know is Carlos. That's all I know.

All you know is Carlos.

He lives out there in California somewhere.

- Lies, lies and lies. - He has a taco stand.

Great. He's got a taco stand.

Well, listen, the longer that you do this

the longer you're gonna spend time here...

He told you about Carlos, or...

It's not Carlos.

I told you, all I know is Carlos.

He lives in California, and he owns two taco stands.

- Okay, great. Great. - That's all.

- What? I mean... - Son of a bitch.

Babbling about Carlos and Enrique

and taco stands in California.

And you're taking notes, aren't you?

Let me tell you, let me tell you something.

You're asking the wrong thing, okay?

Who is Onagi, and what is his last name?

Onagi's last name.

- Okay? Got it? - Okay.

- Onagi. - Okay.

There is no such thing as anything

he's talking about, okay.

We need to know if there's a bicoastal thing around here

and there's a bigger fish than him

and we need that name, okay? Who is his supplier?

You know that he's not the town supplier.

There are kids...

- Oh, [bleep]. Oh, hell. - Oh.

Oh, God. [bleep].

'D-officers down. Son of a bitch.'

- 'She's fast. Ga...' - 'Officers down.'

'We're getting out of here!'

- That was my bad. - I'm so sorry, guys.

I had to do it. Tonight, midnight, 16:00 Arlington.

- Be there. - Okay.

- Uh, 16:00. - 16:00.

- Little Arlington. - Arlington. Midnight.

I can't write left-handed.

You don't see a lot of prop C signs in the yards.

- Have you noticed that? - You don't.

- You don't. - You don't.

You see a lot of no on that sewage thing.

You know, I've figured out who's been taking these, uh

these prop C, 'cause there's all these big

C's on the yard.

Over in Treky, they got a guy running

for councilman, uh, named Larry Hunt.

- Oh, I get it. - And it says, we want hunt.

And people have been taking the C's

and running 'em over to Treky.

Right.

It's pretty funny though, when you drive around.

It's clever, but, I mean, I feel like

that could really hurt our chances.

Yeah.

We lost.

Oh... man.

'You think so for sure?'

I know so for sure.

We lost by like 70%.

It's like, uh, ha, a landslide.

30,000 votes against us.

That's a lot of votes, huh?

It's, hey, let's look on the bright side

at least it wasn't 40,000 votes

but I still have more to count.

Yeah, we lost. We lost big-time.

Oh, well...

Say goodbye to that wet bar I was gonna put in.

- What are we gonna do? - I don't know, Ray.

I don't know.

I mean, there's nothing to do

except, you know, I mean...

Well, like 30,000 votes are just gonna disappear.

Got a humongous bust tonight.

Crystal meth.

Whoo! I tell you, we needed this one.

We needed this one.

- Well done, people. - Yeah!

Well done.

Well done, Garcia.

- 'Holy-shmoats.' - Whoo-hoo!

'Wow, well done, Trudy.'

- Good work, partner. - Good work.

Good. Good, yourself. Good. Good.

Hi. We got a big problem, guys.

Not the big fish. He sent his rookies.

Those are kids over there. Kids.

'We've got about four pounds of meth right over there.'

I'm talking 175 kilos. 175 kilos.

He sent these guys. You got to let us go, dude.

You've got to let us go. You got to let us go.

This is not [bleep]. This is not who you want.

I'm tellin' you. I'm tellin' you.

Alright.

Take the car.

- Whoa! - Hey, hey, hey!

That's my squad car! That's my squad car!

Where was I? Oh. Teamwork.

We put teamwork number one.

You see that?

'"Bungled bust, Reno sheriff's department'

'makes a meth of things."'

You did good. You still did good.

- Thank you. - 'I thought so.'

- Good work. - Good job.

And... hello. Bar-r-rum!

'Cha-ching! Cha-ching!'

Dinner and, dinner and drinks on me tonight.

Alright. We'll take it.

"Prop C passes in landslide. Prop C passes in landslide.

"Meaning law enforcement officials will not

receive the 3% raise..."

Wait, what?

That must be a typo.

"Meaning law enforcement will not receive...

...the 3% raise."

- That's a typo. - That can't be right.

'No-no-no, no, I mean, it says'

'"Prop C, prop C'

'meaning not to injunct a levied sales tax."'

- Not to injunct. - 'What does that mean?'

- Does-does... - 'What is injunct?'

'Is injunct good or bad?'

Did a yes on C mean we don't get a raise?

- Wait, what? - Oh, son of a bitch.

What does it stay on our bumper sticker on the car?

What the [bleep].

'"Prop C passes a landslide, Sheriff's department

'will not receive bonus."'

If you're saying "Yes," then you're saying "No."

A "Yes" means "Yes, I don't wanna give

a 3% raise to the sheriff's department."

- 'Is what it says.' - Oh...

- Vote no on C. - Damn it.

'Bumper sticker on every cop car in that'

parking lot, vote no on C.

'No, meaning, no, I don't want to prevent law enforcement'

'from getting a raise.'

- Those [bleep] citizens. - 'Yes!'

the citizens. 'em.

Reno. the people.

citizens of Reno are out to [bleep] us all the time.

- All the time. - All the time.

Their response time's gonna be a little bit slower this year.

- Unplug the phone today. - 'Jerks.'

Your pants are in the future, sir.

- I-I'll go, b... - We-we can't get 'em.

I'll be back, in about 18 seconds, I'm gonna disappear.

'Okay, great. He's gonna disappear.'

- Let's wait for that. - You wanna go by my watch?

- 'Okay.' - Fifteen, 14, 13, 12...

- You're not fading yet. - Act like he disappeared.

- Act like he disappeared. - Nine.

- Holy [bleep]. Where did he go? - Oh!

- 'Oh, my God! Where did he go?' - 'Where did he go?'

He must've been taken back to the year 8,000,000.

- He's gone. - wow!

There's nothin' but a sizzling ball where he once was.

That's crazy!