Original subtitles

Get that camera outta here!

outta here, Joe. Get outta here, go.

The situation is here, some maniac put a bomb on that bus.

We got it here into the parking lot, but if the driver takes

her foot off that brake, the whole thing's gonna blow.

The bomb squad's still en route.

Tell her she's gotta cut the black wire first

and then the red wire second.

Cut the black wire first... then the red wire, and then...

'Keeping the brake on.'

...after you've clipped both...

- Foot off the brake? - Yes, yes.

Then take your foot off of the brake.

Yes.

'The black and then the red.'

Good girl, now, cut the black one.

'I cut the black. I cut it. I cut it.'

- Now cut the red. - Now cut the red.

Now cut the red.

'I cut the red! I cut the red!'

Ahh, yes!

Whoo! Now she can take her foot off the brake.

Take your foot off the brake.

Whoo!

'Thank you...'

- 'You...' - We're gonna need...

You shoulda... coroner, scramble, scramble.

scramble, scramble, scramble.

Somebody call the fire department.

'Got it.'

Oh, man, she tricked me!

'It was a trick.'

Pow!

Whoa!

- Alright! - I got this side.

Get back in the building! No loitering!

Aah!

Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for coming out.

My name is Virgil Medlock. I'm the Chairman and CEO.

Uh, HNIC, I guess you could say, as they say around here.

You know, we were flabbergasted

when we heard that the wonderful

uh, people here at the Reno Sheriff's Department had

to undergo the budget cuts that they did this year

and we just thought that wasn't right

so we were glad to step forward and become the first corporate

sponsor of a police outfit in North American history.

We were very, very proud of that, yeah.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we'd like to unveil the symbol

of this new partnership between our corporation

and the Reno Sheriff's Department

the new Hotty's police cruiser.

'Girls. Beautiful! There it is.'

Hey, uh, so let's get some pictures by the car

with the girls... here.

'Easy there, Clemmy.'

Uh, can we get this thing moved, please?

Yes, sir. yes, sir. move this.

Damn it. let's, uh, right here by this logo, by this logo.

Turn your chest toward the camera.

There you go, there you go.

Actually, move your feet apart, like spread your legs

so you can see the rim of the wheel between your legs.

- There's you go, there you go. - 'Are we good?'

Don't let my wife see these.

Or my mistress. Ha ha ha!

I guess part of the deal is we let them paint our car

We get all the free wings we can eat. Done and done.

- Not my [bleep] car, anyway. - It's a wing-wing situation.

Ha. It's not like we're kinda indebted to the corporation

or anything, it's just that they get to tell us

what to drive and eat and wear and say.

Sir, sir, sir, sir!

I apologize, I apologize.

- What on Earth are you doing? - I'm not doin' noth--

What on Earth are doing coming

to the carnival in your full rig?

'You came to the carnival in your rig!'

This is a celebratory uniform.

Ma'am, how did it start?

He was lookin' at everybody that went past here with pumps

'and a bump up in here.'

Now, how you gonna disrespect me like that?

- Baby, you know-- - 'You know this gentleman?'

- You know this man? - Yeah! that's my beau.

You understand how embarrassin' this is for me?

- You walk around-- - She's your lady?

My lady? That there's Raina.

We've been together for eight months and it's been nothin'

but connubial bliss and love and romance and understanding.

Do you understand how much I've changed since I met that girl?

I met him in the club one day.

I was just sittin' there, droppin' it like it was hot.

And he said he was gonna set the place on fire

and, baby, through those two little holes, we connected.

You know, I don't know if he meant set the place

'on fire in the same way that you was thinkin'

set the place on fire.

She is there. she is the African queen paddlin'

that sucker forward, and I love her with all my heart.

'You know, you should pull back from the eyes'

and get the whole picture.

Get him, get his buddy

Get the big burnin' cross in the background.

He's just so well-coordinated, the sheet smells so good.

Well, white-on-white is hard to mis-coordinate.

We're gonna take him in--

No, no, no, no! I don't want to press charges.

I don't want to press charges.

I just want him to stop looking at other people.

- She don't wanna press charges. - 'Okay.'

Leave the linens in the linen closet next time, okay?

I don't want to be gettin' called.

Just leave it in the linen closet, okay?

Shirt and shorts, shirt and shorts next time

you come to carnival, how about that?

'This is a romantic date.'

This is a special time for us right now.

'It is?'

If it's supposed to be so romantic

what the hell did you bring Lyle for?

- Yeah. - Oh, there... um... okay...

Okay, Maestro.

- Raina... - Ohh.

'You put this on, oh, it looks so beautiful.'

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Oh, Raina!

'God, that's [bleep].'

- 'Is that a yes? A yes?' - 'Yes!'

Every pot's got a lid, they say.

'You made me the happiest man in the world.'

'That pot is full of hate.'

Mmm, this is a good batch.

- Hey, guys! - Hey, guys.

- I'm Tammy from Hotty's. - I'm Heidi.

Um, yeah, since we put our number on your car

we got a few phone calls that might be for y'all.

Yeah, um... here's one. "Help, help, somebody stabbed me.

He's got a gun, get him, get him."

Oh, and I think he called back, but I didn't understand

what the hell he was saying.

- He didn't leave a number. - Hm-mm.

Hold on a second, is this from Thursday?

'And then somebody else called.'

I think he was speaking Spanish or something.

Raul, and he said somebody was on Fuego.

Okay, well, if it's important

um, they'll call back, I hope.

- Tuesday. - From Tuesday?

Oh, yeah, he's not on Fuego anymore.

And then, um... somebody ordered a Chernobyl-style hot wings.

That one's probably for you.

Ohh! wow, oh, my God, we're gonna get in so much trouble.

.

Um, likewise, someone's been calling 911

and giving us lunch orders for you guys, so...

'Oh, awesome.'

"Tim Brennan, hellfire and brimstone ribs"

and he has a coupon, so...

No, actually, mm-mmm. I, uh, I talked him out of that.

He's going to get the wing-ding wings and things

poo-poo platter.

Oh, thanks, he doesn't have a coupon for that.

More tip for us.

Yeah, that's what I was thinkin'.

Okay, thanks.

Take care.

It smells like somebody...

Joe... over here.

It ain't nothin' like free food.

Alright? I go home, I tell my kids, check it out.

- She loves free food. - We're about to... thank you.

"We're about to have chicken and waffles for breakfast

"chicken and French fries for lunch, chicken with rice

"and gravy for dinner." now, you know my son.

He tried to get brand-new on me.

- The middle one? - The-the big one.

"well, mama, mama, mama, Dang, I don't even feel like eatin'

"no chicken, I'm real, homey."

Now, you know I wanted to tell him

to shut the hell up.

- That's bad news. - But I didn't.

No, because sometimes you have to speak

to children in their own vernacular.

You understand what I'm sayin'? So what I said to him

was for real, don't, homey

yo, Hotty's is straight sponsoring us.

That mean we straight get this chicken for what?

We get this chicken for free, for real.

So you better, you better recognize.

Yeah, he understood that there.

- He understood that. - That's right.

So it's all good, yeah.

And this Armageddon sauce...

- Hot? - I'mma gettin' some more.

Oh... funny.

Oh, that's good.

'Well, they're here.'

We're supposed to put those on? And fight crime?

It's a sponsorship deal, we have to.

Nope, hell, no, I am not gonna wear this [bleep] thing.

- Yeah, [bleep] that. - Ain't gonna do it.

♪ To the who to check-a check-a to the who ♪

♪ Who can I check-a can I check-a ♪

Hi.

Nobody likes 'em.

'It looks nice on you, Jim.'

- They... you sure pull it off. - I'll go change.

I just put it on as a joke, I didn't like it for real.

I thought it'd be funny as a joke.

'Mm-mm-mm.'

Trudy, he had a whole "say what" dance.

Yeah, he had a "say what" dance, looked like he worked on it too.

Do not [bleep] with us.

Hey, small balls! Did you hear what my partner said?

Keep the [bleep] noise down!

You know not who you speak to.

You know not who you speak to.

You want to go Downtown? Let's go!

Can you hear?

- Let's go. - Can you hear?

- Yeah. - 'Let's go.'

- Open up! - Open up the [bleep] door!

- Let's go. - Open the [bleep] door.

Sheriff's Department! Let's go right...

- Can I help you, officer? - Is there a problem?

Oh, you know... questions...

- Yeah? - No, I didn't.

'Nice car, love the color.'

Thank you, thank you.

Pull over!

Did you not see me?

We've been behind you for a quarter mile.

Why didn't you pull over?

Hi, I'm so sorry.

- 'Oh, yeah.' - It's hot out here, isn't it?

'Yes, it's very, very hot out here.'

I know, it's really hot.

I'm...

Is that why you're driving 75 in a 35?

Yeah, 'cause the AC, you see, doesn't work.

The faster you go...

Yeah, there's more air, we were trying to--

Oh, so the faster you go, and you can stay

a little bit cool, even if you're runnin'

over children and babies--

- And breakin' the law! - Yeah.

Of the state of Nevada.

Oh, my God, did we run over a baby?

You're goin' 40 miles over the limit.

Really, I'm so sorry.

Are you workin' your cleavage on me?

- No. - 'Don't you try nothin'.'

'Yeah, you were tryin' that's a misfire.'

'Shoot the, shoot your cleavage in that direction'

'and you know what? Don't shoot it at all.'

Yeah, shootin' at him is shootin' blanks.

I was just, my arm was hurting me, that's all.

You can settle it up at the courthouse.

If you have an argument, you can take it there.

I can't believe you just wrote me a ticket.

Yeah, well, you better, 'cause it's right in front of you.

Believe it.

Listen, you repressed mother

I am not paying this ticket, do you get it?

See these hot shorts? Hotty's hot shorts.

Show 'em yours, girl. come on, baby.

She's got a cute little ass.

- Okay, you work for us. - Us.

We work for you? No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- That's not how it works. - That's not part of the deal.

Do you want me to call, do you want me to call the CEO?

No, no, we don't.

No, you don't want your nice little pink thing

taken away from you, do you?

- No, we don't. - 'No, you don't.'

Hey, um...

- Oops. - Ohh, litter.

- I'll get that. - I'll get that.

Have a nice day, mother [bleep].

Awoo! Losers!

That just happened, right?

You don't look like [bleep].

I feel like, when I'm next to you with this mustache, I do.

Hey, Terry!

- Hi! - How's it goin'?

- I'm doing great, A-plus. - 'Okay, good.'

I'm totally sober.

- That's great. - It sucks.

- Good for you. - I mean, I love it.

Yeah, we've gotten a report of several reports, actually

that people have been finding pubic hairs in their burritos.

'Yeah, you know anything about that?'

No, that's awful!

Yeah, it is.

That seems a little peculiar that you handle food.

I don't touch the food.

'So how do you, you don't touch the food?'

I don't, it's on the tray. I take it and I give it

to you and I say take it, and don't put pubic hair in it.

I say that specifically.

Well, that's too bad about the hair, I'm serious.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna call the police.

- Okay. - Well, somebody already did.

- Yeah, here we are. - Oh.

- Sheriff's Department. - Hello, we answered your call.

- Oh, that's right. - 'What can we do for you, sir?'

Someone's putting pubic hair in the tacos!

Okay, who do you think that might be?

So...

So, um... can we get a couple free tacos or...

Um, see what I can do, Pedro's a little peeved at me.

What'd you do?

I put some pubic hair in one of, I fell and I didn't...

- Come on. let's go. - I know I said I didn't I--

- Let's go. - I didn't mean that.

Come on, Terry, let's go.

Sir, "You have the right to remain silent.

"Anything you say can and will be used against you.

"You have the right to a 10-piece Hotty's hot wings

"with your choice of delicious sauces

"atomic, super atomic, Chernobyl

"Hindenburg, or Nagasaki."

what?

"If you cannot afford to treat yourself

"and your whole family to a delicious meal

"of hot wings served by the sinfully wicked

"Hotty's girls, then come on in for double "D" day.

"The double "D" stands for delicious deal."

Hey, do any drinks come with it?

Sir, if drinks came with it, I would've said so

but you have a pissing problem

'so we're not going to worry about it.'

'The community needs to be flourished.'

Oh! Hot fart.

Like you think sometimes when you have a Hotty's fart...

You're gonna look back and somehow the seat

of your pants would be on fire

like, like Yosemite Sam or something.

But instead it's just a juicy red wet spot.

Yeah.

I feel like I have been gastrointestinally raped.

'18 Charlie.'

'Son of a bitch!'

- Police! - We got 'em.

'They got nowhere to run!'

'Get him, ho! Ho! Whoa!'

'Freeze! freeze! freeze! Freeze!'

- Shut the [bleep] up! - He dropped the bag over.

He dropped the bag over over that wall.

'Put 'em on top of your head real slow.'

- Did you use the "n" word? - Shut up! You speak English?

- You speak English? - You got any needles?

- Check the big bag. - Don't kick your own bag.

'Smuggler's blues.'

- Oh! oh! - 'Big day.'

"You have the right to remain silent.

"Anything you say can and will be used against you.

"You have a right to a 10-piece Hotty's hot wings

"with your choice of delicious sauces

"atomic, super atomic, Chernobyl

"Hindenburg, or Nagasaki."

'We got to stop by someplace with a bathroom'

'on the way back to the station.'

Yeah, I got a serious, like...

the wings from this morning are...

Yeah!

We'll be little, we'll be about 10 or 15 minutes behind you.

I gotta really deuce it, for real.

- No problem. - No problem.

We'll see who talks!

We'll see who talks when we get you in the hot box!

When you're in the hot box, you're gonna talk.

Here's how we do it in the hot box, take a good gander.

Now, mother

you don't think you're gonna talk?

Well? We don't mess around, do we?

'This is why we practice these things'

'before I bring the perp in.'

I did it lighter last time.

I know, because I was only, it was top-sticked onto there.

'Should we go ahead and order lunch now?'

Come on, I'll write it down, what y'all want?

I'm gonna have the...

has anyone had the wing-ding wings and things platter?

- Delicious. - It's really [bleep] hot.

Okay, I'll have the wings and things and...

Ribbity-dib-dibs.

Okay, what else?

- I'll do the, uh-- - I'm sorry, sorry!

'Holy [bleep].'

Like it's been a big picnic sittin' with you people.

What you want, Kimball?

Just give me the six-piece

but could you do that mild sauce?

I got sauce in my eye.

The mild sauce is still pretty hot.

It burns.

I'm not that hungry anymore. I think I'm gonna--

I [bleep] my pants!

'If it burned goin' in, it's gonna burn comin' out.'

Now I'm really not hungry anymore.

'Oh, [bleep], I can't do this anymore.'

'I can't [bleep] do this anymore. '

Now, we gotta [bleep]--look, we've become monsters.

We-we've become orange monsters.

- 'You're right.' - 'We can't do this anymore.'

- 'You're right.' - 'We gotta quit.'

We gotta walk up to these people and we gotta look 'em right

in the tits and say [bleep] you.

We can't do this anymore. we can't pimp ourselves out.

'People!'

As of one hour ago

our sponsorship deal with Hotty's... was terminated.

They didn't feel like it was workin' out.

What?

Because of us?

Please tell me you're kidding.

- They quit on us? - 'They fired us?'

No, no, no, cop trumps Hotty, that is ridiculous.

- 'We've been telling--' - My butt...[bleep].

Is shooting out flames?

You know, there's such a thing as too much... of a good thing.

But when the thing to begin with ain't that good...

- Vince. - You [bleep].

Well, well.

- This is going to feel good. - 'Oh, yeah.'

'Someone's chewing their gingham.'

'Payback.'

'Guess what payback is.'

Guess what what?

Guess what payback is, payback's a bitch.

That's what I was getting to.

'Bitch, bitch, bitch, across the board.'

You guys are all riled up.

I'm gonna say something right now.

You look [bleep] ridiculous in those shorts.

- 'Thank you.' - Look who's talking.

Hey, Travis, look. Open containers.

- Uh-oh! Uh-oh! - Mmm.

$300 fine times 3. $300 fine. 900 bucks.

That's right, Lycra bitches.

- And don't you-- - Don't what?

Don't point your [bleep] finger at me anymore, keep pointing.

Stop pointing your finger at me, and I'll stop pointing my--

I don't have to stop point... I'm the [bleep] law around here.

Seems like you forgot that for a while.

- 'You got fired!' - What do you think about that?

- 'Ohh.' - Or like that?'

'Ew, that's gross. that is so gross.'

- 'Put that bird away.' - 'That is gross.'

'Don't gesture at me. don't you dare gesture at me!'

Don't you, don't you bird at me, don't you gesture at me!

Put the bird away! Hey!

You want to [bleep] go?

'Hey, hey, hey, hey!'

No! No!

It hurts, it hurts!

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my God! What are you--

No! No! Aah!

- Try some hot sauce, be-atch. - Aah!

Ha ha ha ha!

Is it hot enough for you?

Fire! Fire! I'm falling apart!

'I'll be in the back here.'

You're kind of blocking her chest.

Could you move over to the left there?

Yeah, we put the logo there for a reason.

Ha ha.

Okay. actually, could you guys move over?

You're kind of blocking the car just a little bit

and I don't want to, like, block these, uh, actually, uh

- Honey-- - 'Can you see me at all?'

Hmm? yeah, yeah, you're fine.

Uh, Just further down like, that, behind

where the mirror is, that's kind of like

the line where we want you.

- 'Everyone behind the mirror.' - Trudy!

Yeah, and, darlin', darlin' if you could go

to the other side of this, uh... There you go.