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1
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,172
We take you now live
for a statement
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,176
from a representative for
the Reno Sheriff's Department.
3
00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:18,977
{\an8}'Ding! Basement.'
4
00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:22,271
{\an8}- 'Uh, criminal record.'
- Criminal record.
5
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,273
{\an8}- 'Fingerprints. Evidence.'
- Underwear.
6
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:27,234
{\an8}- 'Underpants.'
- Licorice for the lady folk.
7
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:30,279
- 'Alright, goin' up.'
- Next floor. Artichokes.
8
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,198
Artichokes, porcupines, antelopes.
9
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:34,868
- Ding
- Ding.
10
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,161
They'll tell us
when we're on, right?
11
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,245
Yeah.
12
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,748
- Whoo!
- 'Come here.'
13
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,920
- What?
- Nothin'. Oh.
14
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,257
Whoa!
15
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,635
{\an8}Go, go, go!
16
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,489
Say what?
Ho, ho, ho!
17
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:14,823
{\an8}Oh.
18
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,501
{\an8}'Morning, gang.'
19
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:26,335
{\an8}- 'Hey.'
- Morning.
20
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,839
{\an8}Uh, I have something
I'd like to...
21
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,674
{\an8}...say if I might.
22
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:33,884
Kimball.
23
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:37,513
Uh, I don't appreciate
certain...
24
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,807
...certain, uh,
photographic material
25
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,892
that's being inserted
into my locker...
26
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,397
'From a certain, uh,
catalog...'
27
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,361
...of women
in their underwear...
28
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,743
'...with little bubbles
comin' out of their mouths.'
29
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,247
I like [bleep].
30
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,374
Did you get the one
I put in there
31
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,251
with the guy and I drew
a big penis on him
32
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,211
and
"I have elephantitis?"
33
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,171
That is just ridiculous.
34
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,382
I'm sorry.
I'm takin' a bathroom break.
35
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,807
Is she, is she a lesbian or not?
36
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:22,683
I'm gonna say yes.
37
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:26,228
I usually get a
really good read on someone
38
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,106
usually I can say,
"You know what? She wants it."
39
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,024
I feel like if I were to
pull down her pants--
40
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:31,692
- 'Shh, shh, shh.'
- 'Uh-n-n-n.'
41
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,402
'Aa, la, la, la.'
42
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,989
♪ London bridge
is falling down ♪
43
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,491
Kimball, are you a lesbian?
44
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:44,538
No.
45
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,083
Kiss Junior if you're
not a lesbian.
46
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,751
- 'Hey!'
- Hey!
47
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,046
- 'Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!'
- 'Do it! Do it!'
48
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,549
No, I'm not gonna kiss Junior.
49
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,259
- 'Do it. Do it.'
- Don't...
50
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,429
No one remembers last year's
sexual harassment suits? No one.
51
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,724
- No. But this isn't--
- $72,000.
52
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,474
It was taken out of my check
53
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,768
every [bleep] damn week.
54
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,896
- 'Nobody remembers that?'
- Just how the last one started.
55
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,063
'Have you seen where he lives?'
56
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:11,398
- Just how the last one started.
- 'Have you...'
57
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:14,443
It's different if he, she
doesn't have to make her do it.
58
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,444
If you're not a lesbian,
kiss him.
59
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,196
- 'That's not...'
- Oh! Oh!
60
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,449
- No! No, no!
- On his lips!
61
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,533
On the lips! On the lips!
62
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,286
- On the lips! On the lips!
- 'Ho, ho, ho. Ho!'
63
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,412
- 'Okay, okay.'
- Oh.
64
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,789
I hate when I have to
get it out.
65
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,666
Why are you gonna make me
go for the Beretta?
66
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,794
Suck his [bleep]!
Suck his [bleep]!
67
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,088
'Can we please unplug her
feeding tube?'
68
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,221
{\an8}Buenos noches, Pedro.
69
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,932
{\an8}- Hi, Terry.
- 'Hey, Terry.'
70
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,517
Whoo-whoo!
71
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,353
'You wanna know why we're
here?'
72
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,813
Why, is there a fight?
73
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,024
- No, there's not a fight yet.
- Yeah, they...
74
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,651
Terry we got a call that, uh
75
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,485
'somebody, an employee here'
76
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,154
'was turnin' tricks
up on the roof.'
77
00:03:59,155 --> 00:03:59,780
- No way.
- Yeah.
78
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,365
- Yes way.
- Yeah way.
79
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,866
That's no, not cool.
80
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,118
- Well, what's not cool...
- You know anything about that?
81
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:05,911
- You know anything about it?
- No.
82
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,080
I'm afraid of roofs,
so it wasn't me.
83
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,206
I'm allergic to 'em.
84
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,499
- You're allergic to roofs?
- I'm allergic to roofs.
85
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,876
- Uh-huh.
- 'You can ask my doctor.'
86
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:16,338
How does that manifest itself?
How are you allergic to roofs?
87
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,339
If look at them, I throw up.
88
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:20,008
You know what I'm allergic to?
Lies.
89
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:23,220
We had a description about a
gentleman of your height
90
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,347
your stature,
with a little hat.
91
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,558
What did they have...
What was the person's name?
92
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,686
Well, I guess,
you know, it might rhyme
93
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,479
with Mary or Harry.
94
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,398
My name isn't Mary or Harry.
95
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:35,482
My name is...
96
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,986
♪ Terry ♪
97
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:39,861
- Well, hold on, Terry.
- What?
98
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,571
There's something
I wanna say, okay?
99
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,489
- What?
- Listen. You know what?
100
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,491
You're misunderstood, okay?
101
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,536
- I'm totally misunderstood.
- You-You're misunderstood.
102
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,372
And, um, I wanted to know
103
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,375
what if you and I were to...
104
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,334
...go up on the roof?
105
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,545
How much would you...
106
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,673
...would you...
I mean, how much would it be?
107
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:00,590
For...
108
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,592
For what?
109
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,387
If I wanted to get
like a little bit of...
110
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,097
...[bleep].
111
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:07,640
How much would it be?
112
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:11,810
Five dollars.
113
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,603
- Terry, I'm a cop.
- What?
114
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:14,604
I'm holding your hand.
And I'm, I'm a cop--
115
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,523
- I said $5 for the taco.
- You, you just...
116
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:20,944
You just solicited a sexual ass
, you know.
117
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:23,363
Ouch. What are you guys doing?
118
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,532
Tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos
is self-served tonight
119
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:28,035
ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry about that, Pedro.
120
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,037
Call the police. I'm being
arrested by the police.
121
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:37,753
Step down from the vehicle, sir.
122
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:38,837
- I'm comin' out! I'm comin'...
- Both hands.
123
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,840
- I wanna see both hands.
- I ain't got nothin'.
124
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,508
Now put your hands up
against the vehicle, sir.
125
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,593
- Yeah?
- Hands up. That's right.
126
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,928
Where I can see them.
Alright.
127
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,182
- You just stay put there, sir.
- Suck it!
128
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,441
Oh, pumpkin.
129
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,485
Oh, little pumpkin.
130
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,613
We're gonna play
Memoirs Of A Geisha now. Huh?
131
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:13,371
{\an8}Okey-doke. So we're doin'
a little stakeout here today
132
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:16,917
{\an8}for a Lucky Mike Dennehy,
who is a counterfeiter.
133
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:20,087
{\an8}- Specializes in $5 bills.
- Five's and two's.
134
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,840
Word on the street
is he comes in to get a schmitz
135
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:26,385
here at Reno Therapeutic
Massage and Spa.
136
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,388
And, uh, we're gonna...
137
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,473
...stake him out.
138
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:32,599
I don't think I ever had
a schmitz.
139
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,976
- What is a schmitz?
- I've been in the sauna.
140
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,438
- Is that like a Brazilian--
- It's like a Jew sauna.
141
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:42,150
This is a very big trend...
you know.
142
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,486
Guys getting waxed
and massaged.
143
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,530
Mm-hmm.
144
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,491
- Metrosexual, they call it.
- Yes, that is.
145
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,536
- Metrosexual.
- Mm-hmm.
146
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:53,995
- 'Oh, my God.'
- 'Oh! Okay.'
147
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,789
- 'There he is.'
- 'That's him. That's him.'
148
00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,918
'Ooh.'
149
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:03,505
'Okay, this is 2-Bombshell-17.'
150
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:07,384
'We are in hot pursuit of
a 'Champagne Cadillac.''
151
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,303
!
152
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,690
Hello. Hey. Hey!
153
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:26,945
Hey!
154
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:39,792
{\an8}This is Officer Bob.
155
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,003
{\an8}Hello.
156
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,046
{\an8}No, he can't talk.
He's a mannequin.
157
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:48,383
{\an8}He's a mannequin that we use
to deter people from speeding.
158
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:49,176
You just set him in a car.
159
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:53,013
{\an8}It's a ancient Chinese
cop secret.
160
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,348
I come here and I lunch
with Officer Bob
161
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,558
as often as I can.
162
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,353
It's just like a little...
For me it's like a vacation.
163
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,899
Uh-oh, Bob. Turkey.
164
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,442
We have this thing.
I go, "Turkey"
165
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,486
and we both go, "Turkey again?"
166
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,405
Sometimes we play this game.
167
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:13,284
I never...
168
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,911
...made out
with a mannequin.
169
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,546
I have to drink
because I have...
170
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,935
Just three more miles
to the station.
171
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,605
Oh, God.
172
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,689
Oh!
173
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:49,737
- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department!
174
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:53,114
Sheriff's Department!
175
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:54,741
- Have a nice day.
- Have a nice day.
176
00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:06,836
Sheriff's Department!
177
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:10,006
- Oh, guys, hi. They're here.
- Oh! Hi, there.
178
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:11,758
I'm sorry, listen, I wasn't sure
whether I should call you
179
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:15,303
or not, I'm afraid this might be
a big "Never mind."
180
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:16,680
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, well...
181
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,932
Why don't you just tell us
why you initially called.
182
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,308
Well, I called because a guy...
183
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:21,768
A young fellow came by
184
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:23,770
a little bit earlier today,
and I guess he was in a hurry
185
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,773
or whatever, because
when I answered the door
186
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,651
he just kind of
pushed his way right on in.
187
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,153
And he ran... He was in a hurry
to get into the house.
188
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,406
And I didn't know
who he was and...
189
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,615
'Do you have a description?'
190
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:38,618
Any distinguishing
characteristics?
191
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,370
He had... a hat...
192
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:42,998
but that covered his whole face.
Uh...
193
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,499
So he was wearing a ski mask
194
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,792
in-in the middle
of a, the hot weather.
195
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:48,837
- Yeah.
- And you felt, uh, alarmed.
196
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,588
I suppose,
that's why you called us.
197
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:52,757
Not really.
I just wasn't sure, you know
198
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,176
and I was... because it
hasn't happened before
199
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,052
and it was out of the ordinary.
200
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,680
But he did take
q-quite a few things.
201
00:09:58,681 --> 00:09:59,681
He was carrying a gun.
202
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,309
- Wait, what?
- Oh, he had a gun?
203
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,352
Yeah. But he... No, but he...
204
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,979
Well, you guys
have holsters and things.
205
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,398
I-I don't know that he had any
other place to put it.
206
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,692
So he did...
He just had it in his hand.
207
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,694
I mean, I...
Look, what do I know?
208
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:13,945
{\an8}But to me, this looks like
209
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,698
{\an8}a breaking an entering
and a theft.
210
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,491
- So...
- She's a good cop.
211
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:19,868
But that's really, I have to say
jumping to conclusions
212
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:23,371
because... you know,
uh, he pushed me.
213
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:24,205
He did shove me.
214
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,666
Uh, he did take things,
but I don't know
215
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,418
if you wanna call it... the...
216
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,670
I wouldn't use the 'T' word.
217
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,714
Sir, do you...
I'm sorry to interrupt here
218
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:36,426
but do you or do you not wanna
press charges against this...
219
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,510
I don't think so.
220
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:38,887
I don't think. I don't think
that's appropriate.
221
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,097
- Okay, then.
- But, uh, listen...
222
00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:41,890
So I don't want you to press
charges, although
223
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:45,060
if you see him with, he...
224
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,228
And he's with my daughter...
225
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,564
I would love to
just get her back here.
226
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,403
{\an8}Where are we, by the way?
227
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,030
{\an8}Uh...
228
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,782
{\an8}I think Virginia's...
229
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,117
{\an8}...two blocks that way.
230
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,118
The sun is behind us
231
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,954
and it's moving... this way?
232
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:07,040
It's not moving this way.
233
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,751
- So we're headed...
- We're headed East.
234
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,420
- Are you sure?
- No.
235
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,881
I probably could've
been a Park Ranger.
236
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:17,092
- Oh, that's the life, man.
- You know...
237
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,259
The Crips never go camping.
238
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,429
No, Crips don't go camping.
The Bloods don't go camping.
239
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,765
The Latin Kings don...
None of those [bleep] camp.
240
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:24,808
You know who camps?
241
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:25,892
- Nice people.
- Nice Germans.
242
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:28,436
- Nice Germans.
- Friendly Germans.
243
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,939
Japanese folks.
Little Japanese kids.
244
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:31,981
- Little... Yeah.
- Which way did we say?
245
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:34,275
- Uh...
- Airport's that way.
246
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:37,237
But the Catholic School
is right there.
247
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,613
We're gonna have to
run the gauntlet
248
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:41,783
and do the Catholic School,
I guess. We'll say FBI.
249
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:41,909
Right.
250
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,829
- 'FBI!'
- 'FBI!'
251
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:46,871
- 'Nothing to see here.'
- 'Nothing to see. FBI.'
252
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,464
{\an8}What's up, boys? How you doing?
253
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,632
{\an8}S. Jones.
254
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:04,180
Today we are... visiting
a known serial killer.
255
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,724
A very dangerous man.
256
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:06,892
Hello.
257
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,187
Hello.
258
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,149
I wanna know about
Cindy Wong, okay?
259
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,651
Look at you, asking questions.
260
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:17,903
Boy, you the man now, ain't you?
261
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,990
'Come a long way, haven't you?'
262
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,867
Well...
263
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,952
I always have been the man.
You just never knew.
264
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,079
'Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You've always been the man.'
265
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,164
Yeah.
266
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:29,831
'Were you the man in the hood?'
267
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,043
'Back in the old days. Huh?'
268
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,879
'Those broken
and desperate streets.'
269
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,466
Where you were hangin' with your
homies, drinkin' bumpers
270
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,510
smokin' blunts, playin'
stickball on streets
271
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,888
with cars with no hubcaps?
272
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,348
Just so you can bust and
survive, you little bitch
273
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:48,892
just to scrape together
a little cheddar
274
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,562
so you could bring
a hambone to your mama?
275
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:57,025
Actually, I grew up
in a, a real lame suburb
276
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,027
of Minnesota called Mound.
277
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,654
Pretty privileged, actually.
278
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:02,865
'Oh.'
279
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,241
- Really?
- 'Yeah.'
280
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,202
'Oh.'
281
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,661
Cindy Wong.
282
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,706
Oh, yeah. I, uh, I buried her
under the stairs.
283
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:12,916
'Cool. Alright. Thanks, man.'
284
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:20,048
{\an8}We see him already.
285
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:22,884
{\an8}Yeah, we see ya.
286
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,344
- 'Come on!'
- Okay.
287
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,303
'Cool your cookies, sir.
What's going on?'
288
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,388
- What's the matter?
- Well, come on, man.
289
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,057
Someone stole all my
assault rifles.
290
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,392
All my guns.
291
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,228
I had this 'Double Uzi.'
292
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,730
You guys ever seen 'ZZ Top,'
that double guitar?
293
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,065
I had a 'Double Uzi.'
It was sweet.
294
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:40,902
I had a Bazooka...
Uh, sentimental value.
295
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,237
My grandpa gave it to me.
296
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,738
Now, let's start here.
297
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,031
Um, if we had the, um
298
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,075
the permits for all these rifles
299
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,578
and sawed-off shotguns,
we might be able to find--
300
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,413
I make my own permits.
301
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:56,584
Sometimes you gotta shoot
someone before the ten days...
302
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,461
'Have you, have you had to
do that recently?'
303
00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,546
- Have you had to shoot someone?
- Hell, yeah!
304
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,882
People comin' around here.
I got a drop tonight.
305
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:05,260
I got this, uh,
Afghani hash comin' in.
306
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,303
And these, these old boys
are gonna come around
307
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,721
try to get my stuff
308
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:11,724
and I'm gonna need
at least, at least an Uzi.
309
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,435
You know that drugs
are illegal, right?
310
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,728
No, no, no. It depends.
311
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,730
People need drugs
for all different reasons.
312
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,649
Oh, so you have medical hashish.
313
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,443
Medical hashish,
medical cocaine, medical acid.
314
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:23,361
I got it all, man.
315
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,113
'Where are you guys takin' me?'
316
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,615
We're gonna take you
to find your sawed-off shotguns.
317
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,909
We're gonna find some guns
and some drugs.
318
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:30,910
'Now we're talkin'.'
319
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:51,181
Find us one?
320
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,104
Alarm.
321
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,108
No. It's good. Go.
322
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:03,776
- Ha!
- Looks clear.
323
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,487
Ha! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Oh, my gosh! It's hot! Hot!
324
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,991
Hot. Alright. Okay.
325
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,659
Uh! What do you do?
You got to get...
326
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,327
You snap off
the steering column.
327
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,662
- Uh, okay.
- Two wires.
328
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:15,830
- Yeah.
- Yellow, red.
329
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,165
- Okay.
- Connect 'em up at the top.
330
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,668
Okay. Ah.
I can get in there now.
331
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,129
What if they're...
What if they're blue and black?
332
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,339
No, that's wrong.
They got to be yellow and red.
333
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,134
- But they're blue and black.
- I might be thinking of stereo.
334
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,719
- Audio.
- That's right and left.
335
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,889
- No, it's audio and...
- Oh, that's RCA.
336
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,474
The yellow one's video.
337
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,017
Oh, [bleep].
338
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,186
- Uh, Jim...
- What are you doin' in my car?
339
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,647
Oh. Hi.
340
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,315
Oh, God. Why are you naked?
341
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,026
I am so sick of things like this
happenin' to me!
342
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,069
Whoa! [bleep]. Ho, ho, ho, Ho!
343
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,156
I'm sick of things like this
happenin' to me!
344
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,701
!
345
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,088
who killed that other lady
for her baby?
346
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,465
Sure I did, Mary.
347
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,967
Happened right...
348
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:12,720
...in her own home.
349
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,682
Which means today,
more than ever
350
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:19,143
it's time for the Police Tek
2000 Body Guard
351
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,980
with a flick of the wrist...
352
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,067
...you unleash the power
353
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,569
of a professional
police nightstick
354
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,072
made from heavy-duty
al-ali-aluminum.
355
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:34,242
But I've never used
a nightstick.
356
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:39,038
That's why it comes with
this instructional DVD.
357
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,916
In just 40 minutes,
you'll learn
358
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:46,587
all of the nightstick methods
used by real police officers.
359
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:47,755
{\an8}
You'll learn patented moves
360
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,091
{\an8}like the knee drop,
the non-lethal hand and wrist
361
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,927
{\an8}the close quarters groin,
the close quarters face and eye
362
00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:55,430
{\an8}the non-lethal choke down,
the lethal choke down
363
00:16:55,431 --> 00:17:00,268
{\an8}riot control, backhand face
and groin, and L.A. Style.
364
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,104
Whoo. Sounds like I can
finally start jogging again.
365
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:07,942
Or go to the park
in a skirt or swimwear.
366
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,485
And just remember
367
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,321
to bring your big,
black bodyguard.
368
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:16,618
{\an8}Your Police Tek 2000 Body Guard.
369
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:25,501
{\an8}Te habla espanol, tambien?
370
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,919
{\an8}- No, sir.
- Well...
371
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,087
{\an8}You better aprende
372
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:28,921
{\an8}some Espanol, 'cause we got
373
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:30,840
{\an8}a lot of them
spicks around here.
374
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:32,384
You know what I have to learn
how to say...
375
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,221
...in Espanol?
376
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,974
I have to learn how to say that, right?
377
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:43,186
Freeze! How do you say "Freeze"
in Espanol?
378
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,897
I know that "Ice" is hielo.
379
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,107
So maybe you can go
380
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,485
...uh, "Por favor..."
381
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,862
Say "Hazte hielo."
"Make yourself ice."
382
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:57,325
That's a good one.
"Se hazte hielo."
383
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:58,659
Say "hazte hielo."
384
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,495
Sounds like
"Your ass is yellow."
385
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:01,412
Which is also meanin'...
386
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,831
- "You're a coward."
- "You're a coward."
387
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,208
- So it has double meanin'.
- Yeah.
388
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:10,171
Por favor,
say ass a-yellow.
389
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,549
- Make yourself like ice.
- "Make yourself like ice."
390
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,343
Por favor, se hazte hielo.
391
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:19,472
Go ahead. Yell it out.
See what he says.
392
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,016
If I'd rolled down the window,
he would've listened to me.
393
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,195
{\an8}And now... Deputy and Lady.
394
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,530
Good morning, boys and girls.
395
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,365
We're very glad to be here.
396
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,367
'Isn't this exciting, Lady?'
397
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,369
I guess so.
398
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,370
You don't sound very happy.
399
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,372
What's wrong?
400
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:49,085
I'm not feeling very good
about myself.
401
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,879
But why? You're so pretty.
402
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,173
'I know, but I'm also a dummy.'
403
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,426
And it turns out
I'm stupid, too.
404
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,053
What do you mean?
405
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,389
I didn't graduate
from high school.
406
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,057
Lady, no.
407
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:04,308
It's true.
408
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,227
I spent my senior year
409
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:09,397
makin' out with my boyfriend
in his hearse all night.
410
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:13,734
Then I'd sleep all day and watch
soap operas all afternoon.
411
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,737
Now I can't get a job
frying French fries
412
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,365
'cause I don't have
a high school diploma.
413
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,409
And the only job I can get
414
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:25,872
involves having yahoos like
you with your hand up my skirt.
415
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,457
'So what advice would you have
for the kids today?'
416
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:32,378
Don't drop out.
417
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:35,089
Drop in.
418
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,591
Truancy
419
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,302
is for dummies.
420
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:46,726
- You're sitting on my [bleep].
- Oh.
421
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,269
- Is that what that is?
- Yeah.
422
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,656
{\an8}- Nice day, though.
- Oh, it's pretty nice.
423
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,450
- Oh, the force.
- Hey, hey, hey.
424
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,452
Check it out.
Clothes.
425
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,871
'Oh.'
426
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:18,050
Uh... hi.
427
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,260
Hello.
428
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,482
'Look at this. Look at,
look at the butt cellulite.'
429
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,151
- Look at that.
- 'She's 150.'
430
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,278
She shouldn't be
wearing a bathing suit.
431
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,322
Excuse me.
432
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,157
'Wait a second. Wait a second.'
433
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,371
- Sasquatch.
- I really appreciate it.
434
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,664
- Here's your helmet.
- 'Thank you.'
435
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:50,916
- Well, thanks for the loaner.
- Yeah, yeah.
436
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,585
Sasquatch. Thanks, bro.
437
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,423
Ladies.
438
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,758
'Hi.'
439
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,521
Here we go.
440
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,565
In you go. In you go.
441
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,400
Oh, little memoir...
442
00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:24,740
Hey, sir.
443
00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:26,534
You know what happened?
I must've hit you back there.
444
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,536
'Why do I taste gold bonds?'
445
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,746
Yeah, sometimes, they say
when you get a concussion
446
00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:31,539
you taste
or smell something strange.
447
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,499
- 'Gold bonds powder?'
- Yeah.
448
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,543
- Gold bonded medicated powder.
- 'Yeah.'
449
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:36,836
- Yeah.
- 'I think, uh...'
450
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,170
Well, I'm going
to pull over to...
451
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:38,422
- 'Real nice to meet you.'
- Good seeing you.
32957
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