Original subtitles

THAT'S RIGHT, SNIFF

THE DRUG HOUND. IF YOU USE A

WATER PISTOL THAT LOOKS LIKE A

REAL PISTOL, YOU'RE THE ONE

THAT'S GONNA BE...ALL WET.

SAFETY AND COMMON SENSE. COMMON

SENSE. COMMON SENSE. NOW, IF I

COULD HAVE QUESTIONS--

ARE YOU OK?

WHOO!

COME HERE! WHOA!

GO, GO, GO!

AAH!

HEY, WHERE--

OH, SORRY, SORRY!

TURNS OUT IT WAS JUST A

DILDO, BUT IT LOOKED LIKE A GUN.

OH, YEAH.

AT THE LAB THEY SAID,

"DILDO." OK! HEY, EXCELLENT

NEWS, GANG. UH, THE TELEVISION

PROGRAM CSI IS COMING TO FILM

HERE IN TOWN.

WOW.

ISN'T THAT AMAZING?

ARE THEY GONNA USE ANY

OF US IN IT?

NO, BUT THEY NEED

SECURITY. WHAT YOU GET IS TIME

AND A HALF.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO

DO?

SECURITY! ON THE SET.

SIMPLE.

LIKE, WHAT DO WE HAVE

TO ACTUALLY DO, THOUGH?

HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY

SECURITY ON THE SET? DID I SAY

IT TWICE OR 3 TIMES? NOW

IT'LL BE 3.

WHAT ARE WE SECURING?

WHAT ARE WE SECURING?

SECURITY ON THE SET!

DID SHE SCREAM AT ME?

THIS IS WHY WE DON'T

ALLOW YOU TO HAVE 7 DOUGHNUTS

USUALLY.

I'M ALL HYPED UP ON

SUGAR A LITTLE BIT.

YOU'RE FREAKING OUT.

I'M SORRY I YELLED.

UH, WE'RE JUST COMING

AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD. WANTED

TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THE POPULAR

TELEVISION CRIME DRAMA CSI IS

GONNA BE FILMING RIGHT HERE IN

THE NEIGHBORHOOD. THERE IS GOING

TO BE SOME GUNFIRE. OK? SO DON'T

FREAK OUT. DON'T GO CALLING THE

COPS. THERE'LL BE SOME GUNFIRE.

PLEASE DON'T CALL US.

RIGHT.

'CAUSE WE ALREADY KNOW

ABOUT IT.

RIGHT. LOUD NOISES,

THINGS LIKE THAT.

HANG ONTO THAT.

OK.

HANG ONTO THAT. YEP.

THANK YOU.

IT'S NOT ME. THERE'S

MORE OF THEM AROUND LATELY,

RIGHT?

THERE'S MORE OF 'EM

AROUND, AND I DON'T LIKE THEM

COMING HERE.

IS IT ME?

NO, IT ISN'T.

THERE'S MORE OF 'EM AROUND.

SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT!

HELLO? WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE.

YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE.

I SHOULD HOPE NOT.

TELL US WHERE THE STUFF

IS! HA HA HA!

REALLY, I DON'T KNOW.

WE'RE JOKING, OF COURSE.

OK. THAT'S A SCARY JOKE.

CSI IS COMING TO FILM

RIGHT HERE IN RENO.

REALLY?

ON THIS BLOCK.

YEAH.

AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME!

SO THERE'S GONNA BE SOME

MOVIE LIGHTS. THERE'S GONNA BE--

I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT

CSI. I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. LET

ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

SURE.

THESE CSI GUYS, THEY'RE

SCIENTISTS, RIGHT? THEY'RE

SCIENTISTS BASICALLY?

UH, OF SORTS.

SO WHY ARE THEY RUNNING

AROUND WITH GUNS AND SOLVING

CRIMES?

THANK YOU. THAT'S THE

PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE SHOW.

OK. WELL, WHY? DO YOU KNOW

WHY?

THAT'S WHY I CAN'T

WATCH IT.

NO. IF YOU WANT TO START

A LIST OF TELEVISION SHOWS ABOUT

LAW ENFORCEMENT THAT ARE

INACCURATE...

YEAH.

WHERE DO WE START?

I WOULD SAY--

BECAUSE WE'RE GOING CRAZY

IN HERE TRYING TO FIND THAT OUT.

I'LL BET YOU, IN YOUR LINE

OF WORK AS REAL POLICE, YOU

DON'T COME ACROSS NEARLY THE

NUMBER OF PUBIC HAIRS THAT THEY

DO ON THAT SHOW.

Dangle and Johnson: UH...

OR DO YOU?

I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR,

BUT, YOU KNOW, WE JUST DON'T

TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.

THANK YOU, YES.

THE CONSTANT PUBE TALK,

LIKE, "OH, CAN I HAVE THE PUBES

FROM THAT SAMPLE? CAN I HAVE THE

PUBES FROM THAT?"

WELL, I'M GLAD I DIDN'T

SHAKE EITHER OF YOUR HANDS.

HA HA HA!

OH, I'M GONNA

SHAKE--OHH, PUBE HAIRS!

SERIOUSLY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

A STRAY PIECE OF TRASH

FROM GOD'S GARBAGE CAN. MA'AM?

HOLD UP. OH, YOU LOST YOUR SHOE THERE!

YOU'RE BLOCKING THIS

ROADWAY AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

I'M ALL RIGHT. I DON'T

NEED NO HELP FROM YOU! I GO

SHOPPIN'. HERE I GO.

NO, YOU'RE NOT GOIN'

SHOPPIN'. YOU CAN'T--

YES, I AM. THIS IS MY

TRAIN.

NO.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

OK, NOW, MA'AM, THAT'S

NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING. I'M JUST

GONNA BACK UP. WHERE YOU GOIN'

WITH THESE, MA'AM?

YOU NEED TO HAVE--YOU

GOTTA PUT SOME PANTS ON.

I DON'T NEED NO HELP!

SHE SMELLS.

WHOA, WHOA. WHOA.

STOP IT.

NO! NO! NO. WHOA! WHOA!

HEY, HEY, HEY. HEY!

THAT'S MINE! I WAS

HANDLED BADLY.

WE DIDN'T HANDLE YOU

BADLY, MA'AM.

I WAS HANDLED BADLY!

NO, YOU WEREN'T.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU

SOMETHIN'! I'M GONNA TELL YOU

SOMETHIN'! I WAS--SOMEONE THROWN

ME IN A DUMPSTER, OK? AND THEY

THREW A CHRISTMAS TREE ON IT.

OK.

POOF! SET IT ON FIRE!

UH-HUH. DID YOU CATCH ON

FIRE, MA'AM?

YES. AA-A-A-A-AH! AAH!

NO. DON'T--DON'T--DON'T--

YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR

SHOPPING CART--

I GOT 2 SHOES.

YES, YOU DO.

I GOT ONE SOCK.

YEAH.

I GOTTA COUNT MY TITTIES.

NO!

NO.

WELL, WELL, WELL!

I DIDN'T REALIZE JEFF GORDON WAS

COMING THROUGH TODAY.

EXCUSE ME?

I SAID I DIDN'T REALIZE

JEFF GORDON WAS COMING THROUGH

TODAY, COMING THROUGH TOWN.

I WOULD'VE BROUGHT MY

PICTURE BOOK, HAD HIM AUTOGRAPH

IT.

WHAT DID I DO, OFFICER?

WHAT YOU DID WAS YOU

DROVE THROUGH AT 86 MILES AN

HOUR. EVERYBODY ELSE WAS OBEYING

THE SPEED LIMIT AND YOU WERE

DOING 86.

OH, YOU KNOW, I GOT

PRODUCE IN MY TRUCK. IT GOES

BAD.

GRIEVANCE WITH THE

PRODUCE UNION FOR HAVING YOU

BOOKED SO THAT YOU HAVE TO

DRIVE THESE LONG DISTANCES

WITHOUT ENOUGH TIME TO DRIVE

'EM. IT AIN'T MY FAULT.

OK.

I'M NOT--MY JOB ISN'T TO

PAY YOUR MORTGAGE.

ALL RIGHT, SIR. I--

SO THIS TICKET HERE, YOU

CAN CONTEST IT IF YOU WANT TO.

YOU CAN BRING YOUR PRODUCE BOSS

THERE. MAYBE HE WANTS TO PAY FOR

YOU, BECAUSE THIS IS FOR $175.

$175! COME ON!

$175.

HAVE A GOOD DAY,

BARETTA.

THIS IS CAR--OH, THEY TOOK

THE DAMN RADIO!

STOP IN THE NAME

OF THE LAW!

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

IF YOU EVER APPEAR, EVER, EVER

ON TELEVISION, EVEN THE NEWS,

OR IN THE NEWSPAPER, YOU GET PAID--

REALLY? FOREVER.

YEAH. DID YOU KNOW THAT?

YEAH. REALLY?

RESIDUALS.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME. YEAH, RESIDUALS.

FOREVER. I BET YOU THERE'S GUYS THAT

DO NOTHING FOR A LIVING EXCEPT GET THEMSELVES IN THE BACKGROUND

OF THE NEWS. THEY PROBABLY DO.

RIGHT. OR PICTURES IN THE

NEWSPAPER. AND THEN CHA-CHING,

CHA-CHING. CSI. THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE.

YEAH, CSI. THEY'LL BE ON THIS

STREET. THERE'S GONNA BE TRUCKS, GUNFIRE. DON'T FORGET. DON'T GET

THE ITCHY 911 FINGER. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM. WE GOT YOU COVERED.

LOOK AT THAT. THIS IS GOING RIGHT IN THE SCRAPBOOK. I'LL

NEVER FORGET THE DAY. NOW, THAT WAS A GOOD

GUY. THAT WAS A GOOD GUY. IF WE HAD A CITY FULL OF THOSE

PEOPLE... OH!

LOOK AT THESE ROSES.

YOU GOTTA HAVE A SIXTH

SENSE ABOUT THINGS, YOU KNOW?

YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO PREDICT

LIKE A--YOU KNOW, LIKE A BIRD OR

SOMETHING, YOU KNOW?

SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT!

OH.

OH! OH, GOD!

LAY LOW!

SOMEBODY WILL CALL THE

COPS. IT'S OK.

NO, THEY'RE NOT! WHAT

DID WE JUST SAY TO EVERYBODY?

STAY DOWN! STAY DOWN!

STAY DOWN!

IS THAT CSI? ARE YOU--

ARE YOU WITH CSI? CHA-CHING. HA.

HA HA HA. I'M IN THE SHOT? WOW.

IT'S A SMALL OPERATION.

I KNOW YOU DID IT. YOU

KNOW YOU DID IT. ALL YOU GOTTA

DO, PICK UP THIS PEN, SIGN A

CONFESSION. OK. YOU'VE

FORCED ME TO BRING IN THE BIG GUNS.

WHEW. HEY, WIEGEL!

YEAH?

THIS GUY IN HERE WANTS

TO HEAR ALL ABOUT YOUR

APPENDECTOMY SURGERY.

HI. WOW, WHERE DO I

BEGIN? I WAS IN FIFTH GRADE, I

THINK. UM, I WAS IN THIS GUY--

HIS NAME WAS MR. COHEN'S CLASS,

AND YOU HAD TO FIGHT TO GET INTO

THIS CLASS. HE WOULD DO A THING

ONCE A YEAR WHERE YOU WOULD

BUILD OUT OF STRAWS AND STRAIGHT

PINS SOMETHING. ALL RIGHT? I--I

BUILT A FERRIS WHEEL. WHEN

YOU'RE IN FIFTH GRADE--WELL, PRETTY MUCH ANYTIME--I DON'T

KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT WHEN I SMELL VOMIT, SOMETIMES IT JUST

HAPPENS, SO--OH, GOD. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, EVERYONE'S

VOMITING. THE WHOLE CLASS IS VOMITING. WELL, I THINK I'M

JUST VOMITING BECAUSE DAVID COWIE VOMITED. LET ME BACK UP,

BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THAT IS, I'M IN HORRIBLE PAIN. I

THINK, "THIS IS SO WEIRD," BECAUSE WE JUST SAW THE WHALE

BLUBBER VIDEO. MAYBE IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, CONTAGIOUS VOMITING,

LIKE YOU GET SOMETIMES. NO. NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER HAD

A CATHETER, BUT THEY DID THIS THING TO ME THAT HURT LIKE THE

DICKENS, AND THE GUY SAYS TO ME, "HAVE YOU TAKEN A BOWEL MOVEMENT

IN THE LAST 3 DAYS?" I'M IN FIFTH GRADE. I DON'T KNOW FROM

BOWEL MOVEMENT. I, OF COURSE--I CAN'T DO THE DANCE, BUT I CAN

FAKE THE DRUMS. AND SHE WAS THE ONLY GIRL IN SCHOOL WITH A

PHALIDOMIDE BABY HAND, WHICH, FOR THE TIME, WAS PRETTY RARE.

IT'S A PUFFY PAINT SWEATSHIRT, A RAINBOW PUFFY PAINT SWEATSHIRT,

AND PURPLE PAINTER'S PANTS WITH PURPLE SEE-THROUGH SHOES THAT

GO-- I WAS LIKE, "OH, YEAH, I'LL SHOW IT TO YOU,

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY HAIR. I'M ONLY IN FIFTH GRADE."

AND THE GUY'S LIKE, "OH, THEN I DON'T WANNA SEE IT ANYWAY."

SO, IT'S, YOU KNOW--SINCE IT WAS MY THIRD TIME

BACK IN THE HOS-- Garcia: TRUDY? YEAH.

YOU GOT A PHONE CALL.

OH. OK. I'LL BE RIGHT

BACK. I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT

THE TIME WE SNUCK OUT AND STOLE

CRACKERS FROM THE CAFETERIA.

AHEM.

WELL, ONE OF THE

THINGS I'M GONNA DO SINCE C.S.I.

IS COMING IS, UM, I'M GONNA GET

MY TEETH BLEACHED.

MMM.

I'M GONNA GET MY TEETH

WHITENED JUST IN CASE THEY

WANNA USE ME IN A SCENE.

THAT WON'T HAPPEN. OK?

WHAT YOU--I--

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO ASK YOU.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO ASK YOU. HAVE YOU WATCHED THAT

SHOW? YOU DO NOT FIT IN.

I'M SAVVY, I'M--I'M AGGRESSIVE...

UH-HUH.

UM, I'M ATTRACTIVE...

UH-HUH, AND YOU GOT AN ASS THAT'S 2 AXE HANDLES WIDE,

AND THAT'S DISTRACTING. JUST DON'T--I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO

GET YOUR HOPES UP, OK? I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET YOUR HOPES UP.

OH, YEAH. NO, NO. I-- I GUESS--I GUESS I SHOULDN'T DO

THAT.

MAYBE IF THEY STUCK YOU, LIKE, IN A HEDGE OR

SOMETHING.

HOW LONG WE GOTTA BE OUT HERE DOING THIS?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'VE

HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH.

YOU AIN'T HAD NO MORE THAN I DONE HAD. AND I DON'T

KNOW, YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF THESE LITTLE PEOPLE AROUND HERE,

THEY ORDERING AROUND. "GO GET THIS, GO DO THAT, BLAH, BLAH,

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH."

AND I THINK THAT THEY THINK THEY CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO LIKE THAT, TOO.

NO, THANK YOU. NO. NO.

DON'T NOBODY TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I'M A GROWN WOMAN.

DO YOU HEAR ME? DON'T TELL ME WHO I CAN'T LOOK AT.

MM-HMM. I GOT A BADGE AND A GUN. DON'T TELL ME.

YEAH. I WILL LOOK AT 'EM IF I WANT TO.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? HERE

AND HERE. I GOT PEOPLE COMING UP THESE STEPS ALL DAY LONG, AND

WHAT I DON'T NEED IS CAGNEY AND LACEY STANDING HERE

BLOCKING BILL PETERSEN'S DOOR.

ALL RIGHT? GOT IT?!

GOT IT.

GOT IT, PARTNER.

DON'T CRY. DON'T CRY.

DON'T CRY.

I DON'T LIKE THIS.

I GOTTA STAY ON THIS SIDE IN CASE HE COME BACK, BUT

DON'T CRY. DON'T CRY.

I'M SICK OF THIS.

THAT'S HOW THEY DO YOU IN HOLLYWOOD.

DON'T MOVE, SIR.

DON'T MOVE!

DON'T MOVE!

DON'T MOVE WHAT? AT ALL?

PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN.

PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN.

PUT YOUR HANDS UP.

BOTTLE DOWN, HANDS UP

JUST LIKE THIS. BOTTLE DOWN, HANDS UP JUST LIKE THIS.

LIKE THIS? HOW MANY TIMES YOU WANT ME TO REPEAT THAT MOTION?

NO, NO! NO, NO. YOU DO IT ONCE. HANDS AGAINST THE WALL.

THIS--THIS HOW Y'ALL WORK WHEN I CALL?

DID YOU CALL?

I CALLED. I WAS CARTJACKED THIS MORNING.

Dangle and Junior: CARJACKED? OH.

CART. CART.

CART, LIKE A SHOPPING CART.

WELL, I DON'T PUSH IT LIKE THAT. THIS GIVES YOU A--

THAT THING IN YOUR--IT BOTHERS YOUR--UP IN HERE IF YOU PUSH

LIKE THIS. THE COMFORTABLE WAY TO--WHAT IS IT?

CARPAL--NEVER MIND.

I'VE NEVER BEEN IN ANY KIND OF TUNNEL. THE COMFORTABLE

WAY TO PUSH A CART IS FROM BOTH ANGLES, LIKE THIS, ALMOST ON A--

LIKE THIS, ON OBTUSICAL.

YOU PUSH IT OUT, YOU DO IT ISOMETRICALLY.

"FREEZE, YOU DIRTY FOOL!" FREEZE, YOU DIRTY FOOL.

YEAH.

OKEY-DOKE.

SO, SOMEBODY CAME UP BEHIND YOU WITH A WEAPON?

SPELL "DIRTY," LIKE, WITH--LIKE HOW NELLY DO IT,

WITH A "U."

"DURTY," LIKE DURTY SOUTH. RIGHT.

DON'T--DON'T TELL HIM HOW TO SPELL THINGS ON HIS PAD.

YOU--YOU DO YOUR JOB, YOU DO YOUR JOB.

YOU KNOW, IN '87, I WAS SPELLING BEE CHAMPION.

IN '87, YOU WERE A SPELLING BEE CHAMPION. DO YOU

HAVE ANY DOCUMENTATION TO PROVE THAT?

I USUALLY KEEP IT WITH ME, BUT IT WAS IN THE CART.

Dangle and Junior: OHHH!

MAN. MAN.

YEAH, BECAUSE THEY OUT HERE TRYIN' TO GET ME, MAN. THAT

MAN, THAT STEVEN SPIELBERG PERSON, STOLE MY--MY E.T. IDEA.

THAT WAS YOUR IDEA?

YEAH. 'CAUSE I HAD A STORY CALLED E.T. ABOUT A ALIEN,

AND IT STOOD FOR "EVERY TIME," 'CAUSE EVERY TIME I WOULD LAY

DOWN, AN ALIEN WOULD COME.

OUR FIRST STOP LOOKING FOR THIS CART--SPIELBERG'S.

SPIELBERG. SPIELBERG!

LET'S MOVE, BOY, LET'S MOVE! WE GOT 9 HOURS OF DRIVING TO GET TO

HOLLYWOOD AND GET STEVEN SPIELBERG INTO CUSTODY!

I'M A GROWN-ASS MAN, OK?

YOU ARE A GROWN-ASS MAN.

YOU DO NOT GET TO TALK TO ME--YOU DO NOT!

SHH. COME ON.

HELGENBERGER.

I KNOW. WHO THE HELGENBERGER DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

YEAH. HEY, GOOD-LOOKIN' BLACK DUDE? HE'S NOT THAT

GOOD-LOOKIN'. YOU SEE HIM?

YEAH. HELL, YEAH.

SHORT--ABOUT THIS HIGH.

YEAH. HE'S NOT THAT GOOD-LOOKIN'.

TV, MAN.

I'M WAY CUTE--I'M WAY CUTER.

WHAT UP, BLOOD?

HEY. HOW YOU DOIN'?

HOW YOU DOIN'?

ASS . GIVES YOU SOME LOVE.

YEAH, BUT "WHAT UP, BLOOD," I MEAN--

"WHAT UP, BLOOD?" YOU DON'T KNOW ME. AND I

HATE THAT I NATURALLY--IT WAS NATURAL FOR ME, AND I--I

NATURALLY GAVE HIM DAP. I DON'T KNOW YOU.

AND HOW. AND SHE'S A REAL CATCH, TOO--INTELLIGENT,

CHALLENGING, AND SHE'S 16 YEARS OLD, THE LEGAL AGE OF

CONSENT IN THE STATE OF NEVADA.

WE'RE GOIN' DINNER--FOR DINNER, ROLLER-SKATING. THEN WE MIGHT

POP OVER TO CALIFORNIA FOR SOME DANCING.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. SLOW DOWN, BILL.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WELL, 16 MAY BE THE AGE OF CONSENT IN NEVADA, BUT NOT IN

CALIFORNIA. IT'S 18 IN THE GOLDEN STATE.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK?

WHY NOT DO WHAT I DO?

I ALWAYS CARRY AGE OF CONSENT STATE-BY-STATE GUIDE.

14 IN IDAHO? HOW DID I EVER LIVE WITHOUT ONE OF THESE HANDY CARDS?

ORDER YOURS TODAY. WHY NOT BE SURE EVERY TIME.

ALL CLEAR.

ARE THEY SHOOTIN' RIGHT NOW?

I THINK SO. THAT KIND OF JEWY GUY WAS YELLING.

"ACTION"?

YEAH. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? AN HONEST QUESTION?

DO I COME OFF AS GAY OR SOMETHING? DO I COME OFF AS,

LIKE, OUTWARDLY GAY? 'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE WOULD'VE SAID

THAT AS SHE WENT BY BEFORE.

I THOUGHT EITHER WAY-- WAS SHE GOOFING WITH ME?

I DON'T THINK SHE WAS GOOFING. I THINK THAT WAS JUST--

ROLLING SOUND HERE, PEOPLE.

WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY? I DON'T KNOW.

ROLLING WILD TRACK, GUYS.

WANNA KEEP IT DOWN? YOU KNOW WHAT WILD TRACK IS? IT MEANS

SHUT THE UP, ALL RIGHT?

JUST KEEP IT DOWN, KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE DOOR.

WILD TRACK.

WHAT?

WILD TRACK.

COLD TOWEL?

A WHAT?

COLD TOWEL?

COAL TOWEL?

MM-HMM.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT DID SHE SAY? WHAT DID SHE SAY?

CO-TOWEL?

COLD--COLD TOWEL?

COLD TOWEL. AHEM.

IT'S COLD.

YEAH.

I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA SAY, LIKE, UH, C.S.I.--

MMM, TASTE IT.

THERE. DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

YEAH.

GOOD. WE DID IT. FINE.

HEY, CARL!

HEY, CHIEF CARL.

HEY, GUYS. HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, BOY. GUESS HOW IT'S GOING.

UH...

WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED?

PRETTY DARN GOOD?

MMM, IT'S NOT GOING SO DARN GOOD WITH THE RING-TOSS PEOPLE.

WHAT HAPPENED THERE? DID SOMEBODY GET ONE IN THE EYE?

NO. THEY CALLED AND SAID, "THERE IS A GENTLEMAN

SITTING IN FRONT OF THE RING TOSS..."

YEAH?

"SELLING POPCORN ON A STICK."

YEAH. IT'S ME'S.

YEAH?

YEAH, I'M-- DO YOU WANNA RUN RIGHT

NOW? DO YOU WANNA JUST GET UP AND SCAMPER? DO YOU WANNA RUN?

WELL...

NO?

NO. I'M ON A LUNCH BREAK.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU PUT A BURGER IN THE TOASTER, IT'LL SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

IF YOU PUT A BURGER IN A TOASTER, IT'LL DO WHAT?

IT'LL SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

DO YOU HAVE THE BATH TUB WITH THE GOAT WATER?

YES, WE DO.

YES, WE DO, CARL.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL CALL AHEAD TO THE STATION AND

MAKE SURE THEY FILL UP THE BATH TUB WITH GOAT WATER.

YEAH. THAT WAY I CAN DO CHOCOLATE PIE.

YEAH.

YOU WERE GONE, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.

I KNOW. I WENT BY THE SET. THEY HAVE THIS GUY TOTALLY

CUT OPEN, LIKE, HIS EN--ALL HIS ENTRAILS ARE HANGING OUT. AND

I GOT TO TAKE A PICTURE LIKE THIS, NEXT TO HIS STOMACH,

LIKE...

OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT, WHILE I'M HERE ALL BY MYSELF

TRYING TO HOLD DOWN THE FORT.

I BROUGHT YOU A COOKIE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET PISSY ABOUT IT.

NO, THANK YOU.

GOOD, 'CAUSE THIS ONE FELL ON THE GROUND.

MM-HMM, WELL, YOU'RE GETTIN' CRUMBS ON THE STEPS...

IT'S FINE. THERE'S A GUY WHO COMES AROUND--

MISS STARLET.

THERE'S A--THEY GOT A GUY FOR EVERYTHING. YOU GO LIKE

THIS, "MAKEUP!" A GUY COMES UP, POOF, POOF, POOF.

YEAH, THAT POWDER?

THAT PUFF?

GET OFF THE STAIRS, PLEASE.

UH, OH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

LISTEN, DIRECTOR SAW YOU THIS MORNING.

YEAH?

SAID, "WHO'S THAT?" I SAID, "IT'S A REAL COP."

YEAH?

WANTS TO PUT YOU IN THE SCENE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

FOR REAL.

Wiegel, laughing: WHAT DID I TELL YA? I SAID HE WAS LOOKING

AT ME! NOW?

FOR REAL, YEAH. LET'S GO.

YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST

TELLING HER THAT I USED TO, UH-- WATCH THE DOOR, PLEASE.

JUST WATCH THE DOOR. TRUDY, COME ON.

I'M GONNA DO THAT.

I'M ON IT!

HOLD MY COOKIE. I DON'T WANNA LOOK UNPROFESSIONAL.

THANKS! HAVE FUN!

OH, SHE, UM--THEY TOOK HER OFF, I THINK, TO DO SOME

ACTING OR SOMETHING.

SO, I WAS JUST WONDERING, UH, MAYBE AFTER WE WRAP, YOU AND

I COULD GO GET A DRINK OR SOMETHING.

YOU AND ME?

YEAH.

UH, WHERE YOU GO AROUND HERE?

OH, THERE'S A COUPLE BARS DOWN THE ROAD.

YEAH?

YEAH.

LOTS OF CUTE GUYS THERE?

NOT REALLY.