Original subtitles

Forty-five.

Don't even have to look at it.

'Ho!'

That's Fast Eddie McClintock.

'Eat my dust, boys!'

'That's Eddie Mc... Holy! Son of a bitch!'

- Yeah. - We're gonna get you, Eddie!

- 'Hey, let's get him.' - Whoo! Whoo!

- Ho-ho! - Yeah!

It's alright.

Aah!

Are we okay?

We need to start wearin' seatbelts, man!

Whoo!

- What? - Oh!

Go, go, go!

Uh, Fast Eddie McClintock

is a, uh, criminal.

He is a, uh

uh, recidivist speeder.

He is a drug peddler and fencer...

And the best in the business.

- Best in the business. - 'Can't be topped.'

He's the, uh...

Dale Earnhardt of, uh...

I was gonna say of drivin' fast

but it doesn't really make sense.

No, that's-the Dale Earnhardt thing.

- Yeah, that's Dale Earnhardt. - He'd be the--

He's the Tommy Tune...

...of...

it.

'Okay, I just got this fax'

from the Department of Motor Vehicles.

From your description

'and, uh... the other officers.'

Obviously, uh, this is Fast Eddie McClintock

we're dealing with, it seems like.

'Uh... probably runnin' meth'

we suspect, from here to California.

So, uh, we're gonna assign some roadblocks.

We're gonna cover 80 Eastbound

and Westbound, both sides

and the 395, obviously, are our biggies.

Knowing him, he'll take the 60 over to the Westside

and then jump over to the 42

up to the Westside Pavilion.

Trudy, Trudy, save the make-me-ups

inside-inside here.

Yeah. So, any other ideas for Fast Eddie McClintock?

An oil slick?

- It's a little Wile E. Coyote. - 'Yeah.'

Why don't we paint a fake tunnel onto the mountain...

'You can throw oil--'

...and we're lure him with bird seed into the tunnel.

You can also bring in some quicksand, too.

♪ One time for your mind ♪

Okay. Okay.

So why do you think we came here today?

Tryna...

...steal a brother's thunder, right?

Comin' all up in here, being, like, "Mmm!

"He's gettin' his groove on again.

Gots to stop a brother!"

Uh, no, the dry cleaners

across the street are complaining about the music.

This is private property.

Take your cardboard box...

Y-your box and get on outta here.

Yo, man, you know what? This box used to have

children's toys in it that I used to give to children.

And then I put the box down to show, like

"Mm, there's peace in the hood."

Finally, my brothers and sisters can unite.

- This is all for charity? - Straight up.

Straight up. I'm pop-lockin' for cancer, yo.

- Children's research... - You got a permit?

- I do. I do. Check me out. - Let's see it.

- Let's see it. - Where's it at?

Feel it out.

I'm just sayin' it's right down in the gold mine.

Then you can find it in the gold mine.

- Well, my... - I don't have my miner hat.

Oh, oh, baby, come on.

You wanna get some spelunkin' on?

- Sp... - You know what I'm sayin'?

- Spelunking? - Yeah.

It's like... It's a black thing, man.

Stop, okay? You're not black.

I am black...

Wearin' a wave cap

and a 1989 chain doesn't make you black.

Yo, man, bah-ling.

You're not black.

- You're not. - 'How you know, though?'

- 'How you know, man?' - How do I know?

- I'm lookin' at you right now. - I ain't callin' you out.

- 'Alright.' - Come on, dawg.

- What? - Where you at?

- I'm right here. - No, you know you're not.

You ain't nowhere. You ain't here.

Yeah. Come on!

Oh! Yeah!

Yeah!

- Come on. - Pah! Pah!

- Oh [bleep]! - Yeah.

That's like the cabbage apple

or somethin', right?

That's a Tom and Jerry.

The box and the 40 are mine.

At least half of that, man.

- 'No. No.' - Hook me up!

I got... My mouth is all dry

and [bleep] from smokin' the chronic!

Ask in a real way.

O-officer

I would really like to have

my 40-ouncer and my boom box

which I enjoy playing music on.

I would enjoy to get them back.

No! Found property.

- Damn! - 'It's ours now.'

Sheriff's Department.

- Sheriff's Department. - Oh.

Oh, ladies, the police are here!

Okay, ladies. Okay.

Please don't do that. Ladies! Ladies...

I need you ladies to be...

Ladies, please! I need your attention!

Okay! Alright.

Fun's over, okay?

Look, this is the third time someone from

the Reno Sheriff's Department

has been called out here tonight, alright?

Why? Because you guys keep making noise.

You keep chattering. You keep whooping it up.

People can't sleep and this is getting stupid, okay?

You know what? 'Cause I got real things to do, ladies.

I'm not some little fou-fou play toy stripper puppet cop, okay?

Do you think I have the time to come here

to a girls-gone-wild- stupid-harlot-slutty

I'm-gonna-get-married party?

No! I need to be out there on the streets

'protecting children, protecting women'

'protecting old people.'

Please respect the badge, okay?

Please respect the Reno Sheriff's Department.

That's all I'm askin'.

'Now, don't make me come back here again!'

♪ Hey ladies hey ladies ♪

♪ Hey ladies say what? ♪

Whoo!

♪ Aah-aah-aah-aah aah-aah-aah-aah ♪

The legend I heard of-of of who is

Fast Eddie McClintock, that was the question

that the Chetwood Brothers were asking.

You remember Joey Chetwood and his brother Bobby Chetwood.

They used to do all the stunt drivin'.

Well, legend has it, they ran out

a good man named Eddie McClintock.

Did not want him on their team 'cause he was too good.

- Made 'em look bad. - Made 'em look bad.

Spread some rumors, turned him bad.

Now he's a law breaker.

Turned to a life of crime by the stunt industry.

And a road speeder.

Helluva driver. Man, I'd love to shake his hand.

I mean, I know as the police, I shouldn't say that, but...

- I'd love to shake his hand. - Hey.

Anybody that can piss off the Chetwood Brothers

I'd like to shake their hand, too.

- Yeah. - 'Cause they're

Spike strip's set.

Look alive, people!

Bring it on, Fast Eddie.

Somethin's comin'. Somethin's comin'.

- Talk to me. Talk to me. - Ford Escort.

Lieutenant, I get to shoot on sight, right?

Do not shoot! No shooting!

What did I say? If we shoot him

then there will not be a group photo.

Period. End of story.

If we don't get to shoot, why am I holding this?

It's a visual aide.

'It implies authority.'

'Okay.

He's gotta come through this way.

No other way around.

8 is blocked.

Route 64's been out for two months.

That bridge is out.

He's gotta come through this way

or he can't get out of Truckee.

- 'Eat my dust, boys!' - Goddammit!

Go, Travis!

'Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!'

'Holy [bleep]!'

- Stop... - Oh!

- Oh, God! Oh, my God. - Brake! Put on the brake.

Oh, poop.

Well, spike strip works.

The legend I heard about Fast Eddie McClintock

was that he was on Dale Earnhardt's

original home depot team

until he was horribly scarred

in an accident.

And the, uh, Jeff Gordon Pretty Boy Faction in NASCAR...

...kept him outta the race.

They pulled strings and machinations so that he--

They didn't want nobody ugly in NASCAR.

Now that I've said that out loud, that sounds really stupid

so it probably ain't true.

Lindsay...

...Lohan.

Wow!

You know that girl's only 15 years old?

Yeah.

Not fair that everywhere you go

there's somebody waiting to take a picture of you

'cause when your bosoms do that...

Scroll down...

Oh!

Ah, fair's fair.

She's 15, huh?

Really? Lindsay Lohan.

'Eat my dust, boys!'

Oh, my God!

This is Dangle and Junior.

We're in hot pursuit of Fast Eddie McClintock!

- Got him! Got him! Got him! - You got him!

The bridge has been out down here for six weeks!

We're about to catch Fast Eddie McClintock!

He hit it!

Oh, my God. He made it.

Travis! Travis! Travis!

Travis! Trav...

'So we know that there was...'

...this man here...

Hello.

...in a jewelry store, helping himself

to a little bling-bling.

What we're interested in, is who his two friends were.

Yes, he has a lot of friends.

Sir, that's not the question my partner is asking. Okay?

So, I want you to ask him in stern tones.

What are the names of his two friends? Please.

He likes Jennifer Aniston

and Matt Leblanc the most.

Hey, I don't think you're understanding

my partner here, okay?

You're not getting the sentiment across!

You may be conveying the dialogue we're having here

but you're not gettin'...

I-I'm angry! Tell him I'm angry!

I want you to name names!

No problem.

- No, no, no, no! - Hey, hey!

This ain't no saki-saki sing-along, okay?

damnit, you [bleep]!

Now listen to me! I wanna know--

- No, he's not the one. - Listen to me!

You better know what I'm talkin' about.

I'm talking about ripping your [bleep] head off, okay

and putting it on the [bleep] toilet

and flushin' it down!

You tell us the names of those two people

or we will rock your world!

Uh...

There seems to be a misunderstanding.

Yeah, you betcha.

He is store owner...

...not burglar.

Same Japanese, wrong person.

We apologize. Arigato.

Very disgraceful.

Sorry.

Have you ever, uh

had a face-to-face with, uh, Fast Eddie?

I almost had a face-to-face with Fast Eddie.

- We were, uh... - You know what, I'm sorry.

I don't feel comfortable with your arm there.

Thank you.

Alright, everybody. Okay. Shh.

'Settle down.'

Alright, everybody. Settle down.

'I know it's been an exciting morning...'

...getting your scoliosis tests, and now this.

'We've got Reno's Sheriff Department here'

and right now they are gonna sing a song about

what happens to people who do graffiti.

♪ Oh I'm so lowdown ♪

♪ I don't know what I'm gonna do ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I used to go skateboarding ♪

♪ Now I get raped without no warning ♪

♪ I got the "I'm in prison 'cause I did graffiti" blues ♪

♪ If I had a time machine ♪

♪ I'd set it to before I did graffiti ♪

♪ And I'd go back ♪

Yeah!

♪ I don't think y'all heard me ♪

♪ I said if I had a time machine ♪

♪ I'd set it to before I did graffiti ♪

♪ And I'd go back ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪ I've been stabbed with a broken broom ♪

♪ And in the weight room ♪

♪ And I'm hiding all my valuables ♪

♪ Up my crack ♪

♪ Oh yeah yeah ♪

Whoo!

Those of us who weren't raised by Grand Theft Auto

we applaud after we see something.

I've never chased Fast Eddie McClintock.

I don't chase, you know, uh, as a rule.

I... My feeling is as a-as a, you know

police deputy and as a human being

if you love something, you should set it free.

You know, that's the old adage.

And, you know, in this case, it's not so much love

as it is laziness.

But... it's-it's too much work

the running and the chasing.

Where the hell are they?

I don't know. This is the end, right?

- There's... - Pursuit.

And I lost 'em.

What happened?

Well, dead end.

Think they're hiding?

- Oh, my God. - 'Oh, dear.'

- Should we call for backup? - Guys?

- Junior? - Oh, no.

Uh-oh, I hope they're not dead.

Damn, that Fast Eddie McClintock!

Did you get him?

No, we did not get him.

Well, we'd give you a ride but I don't want you

getting my car all wet.

Both my nuts went up.

You want me to help your balls back down?

Man, one time I was behind, uh

Fast Eddie McClintock on a two-county chase

and it was, like, 14 or 15 cop cars behind him.

We had deputies. We had state troopers.

I was way bringing up the rear of the pack.

And it was one of those deals where he took the corner

and the first cop didn't make it

then a cop went into him and a cop went into him

and a cop went into him and it was like a 15-car pileup.

I mean, I could see the wreck.

Like, I had a half a mile to stop, but I just gassed it

'cause when do you get a chance to, like, be in a 15-car pileup?

How often does that come up?

Not all that [bleep] often.

'We just need to ask him things'

'imperative to the investigation.'

'That's it. Do not engage him.'

Kimball. C.

Trudy, Wiegel.

So, here's what you're gonna want to know.

This is the guy who eats people's faces.

Uh-huh.

So you don't wanna make eye contact with him

or he'll swallow your soul.

- Hi, Mike. - 'Hi, Trudy.'

Mike? Yeah. Oh!

They found, uh, another skull.

- Where? - It was in a bathtub.

'You had gone to the dump, I guess'

'and you put it in a very cleverly'

'in a zip lock baggie, in a bathtub.'

- Yeah. - 'Did you find that one?'

'No, no. Oh, my God, no.'

'They don't put me on things like that.'

But, um... here's the deal.

Okay, we got on the computer

and we're looking for the mug shot files from '97...

No, from '80...

- '87 to '92. - '87 to '92, right?

And I believe you're the one

who set up this file.

Well, we get on the thing

and we see the file, right?

- It's there. - But we can't open it.

Or you can open it, but then

once you open it, it's a bunch of gobbledygook.

It's like, X-G-7-Tree, you know, smiley face...

Are you using a Mac?

- 'No. We're using a Dell.' - 'It's PC.'

That shouldn't happen.

Did you go under the control panel and under options...

'Uh-huh.'

- 'Extension file?' - Yeah.

Yeah. I tried that. I know. That was the second--

Of course, that's the second thing you would think.

- Didn't work, so... - 'Really.'

I had started entering files in, um

you know, before Java script was sort of implemented

and I think some of the later files are in Java

and it sort of, I don't know

it backed up the whole thing or something...

Okay. Pfft.

Well, we appreciate your help, Mike.

- You wanna hear a joke? - Okay!

- I heard a joke the other day. - 'Yeah?'

- Knock, knock. - 'Who's there?'

Jethro.

'Jethro who?'

Jethro him down the stairs

and I'll stab him with my screwdriver.

'It was more like, it was... Well...'

'It was more of something I overheard.'

Oh.

That's a good one, Mike.

There's two or three kinds of driving in law enforcement.

There's defensive driving

there's offensive driving

and then there's evasive driving.

Wait a minute. There's a fourth.

There's a fourth.

There is...

"I want to put my car in the lake

because I wanna see what's goin' on in there" driving.

Do you feel like that was a good representation of you?

Of the kind of person you are?

Yeah, I think it was fairly accurate.

'Well...'

Fast Eddie's probably, uh...

...in California by now.

'Not to sound like a broken record'

but gosh darn that Fast Eddie McClintock!

'91, Fast Ed McClintock. 91.'

Trace the call.

Get it. Get it.

Reno Sheriff's Department.

'Reno Sheriff's Department'

'this is Fast Eddie McClintock'

'and I'm just callin' to pay my respects'

'and tell you that I have been chased by everybody'

'but now I have been chased by the best.'

'Hey, I left ya a little somethin' out in the hallway.'

'Keep your wheels to the road now'

'and I'll see you out on the highway!'

There is something out there.

Be careful. Be careful.

Is it tickin'?

Listen. Shh. Careful.

- Break carefully. - On three.

- Break. - One... two--

- 'Whoa! That's beautiful!' - Class!

'Does it have good songs on it?'

Those are all great songs.

- Very nice. - Every single one of 'em.

I traced the call.

It's comin' from the parking lot.

Alright, I don't know why you're speaking that way.

- Why you're speaking that way. - 'We're white.'

'In fact, if you have an ID on you'

I'd like to see what it says on here.

You wanna see an ID?

♪ Let's do it Is it in this pocket? ♪

♪ Is it in this pocket? ♪

♪ I don't know what pocket's in ♪

♪ Check it out I got an ID ♪

♪ It's out in my car see ♪

♪ But I ain't got it right now ♪

♪ So you gonna be wearin' a frown ♪

♪ What? Jiga jiga-jig-jiga what? ♪

♪ See to it pop freeze...♪

Now, that was black, yo.