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1
00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:07,549
'Sheriff's Academy cadets,
at ease!'
2
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:09,759
Sound off.
3
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:12,094
- 'Reese.'
- Sir, yes, sir.
4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,721
- 'Kimball.'
- Sir, yes, sir.
5
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,472
- 'Manderson.'
- Sir, yes, sir.
6
00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:17,474
- 'Jackson.'
- Sir, yes, sir.
7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,768
- 'Dupree.'
- Sir, yes, sir!
8
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:22,938
Each of you
has completed 18 weeks
9
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,190
of Sheriff's Academy training.
10
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,779
But real cop school
starts today.
11
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,742
'Here's where you start payin',
people.'
12
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,201
In sweat.
13
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:40,206
Only one of you will be the best
of the best.
14
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:45,210
And only one is what our current
budget situation allows
15
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,130
so I apologize for that.
16
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,424
I wish I could take you all,
but I can't.
17
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,594
- Manderson.
- Sir, yes, sir.
18
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,472
- How tall are you?
- 6'2-1/2", sir.
19
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,141
Get out of here.
20
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:03,772
Double time, double time,
double time, boy.
21
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,400
- Dupree.
- Sir, yes, sir!
22
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,236
- Top of your class.
- Yes, sir!
23
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,991
- Speak three languages.
- Sir, yes, sir!
24
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,660
Jeet Kune Do Master.
25
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,664
- Yes, sir.
- Wow.
26
00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:25,334
He's the one to beat, people.
27
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,795
'Eyes on Dupree.'
28
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,172
Alright, Dupree,
go get the gun belts.
29
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,675
Sir, yes, sir!
30
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,972
Medic!
31
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,350
- Whoo!
- 'Come here!'
32
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:47,065
- What?
- No, no... Oh!
33
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,401
Oh!
34
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,696
{\an8}Go, go, go!
35
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,800
Hey, where's your...
Hoh, hoh, hoh!
36
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,395
The idea of adding
a new deputy goes like this.
37
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:29,565
Uh, what we have
in the officers
38
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,900
we have now are
a lot of ingredients.
39
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,069
{\an8}Uh, pepperoni...
40
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,321
{\an8}Uh, raw egg...
41
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,575
{\an8}Uh, strong gouda cheese.
42
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,243
The thing is that
we have ingredients
43
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,828
that are a recipe for nothing.
44
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:49,751
And we're missing one of those
things that turns something...
45
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,922
...uh, that's just a bunch of
stuff into something useful.
46
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,716
'Uh, don't take that
in a personal way.'
47
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,259
{\an8}The Reno Sheriff's Department
48
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:01,054
{\an8}is a perfect law
enforcement engine
49
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:03,223
{\an8}and you do not
make an engine faster
50
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,391
{\an8}by addin' another part.
51
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:07,811
You make an engine faster
by puttin' nitrous in it.
52
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,438
And I don't mean an analogy.
53
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:12,441
I mean, we should get
nitrous in our cars.
54
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,276
{\an8}'Pull over!'
55
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,112
{\an8}'Cop car's following you, okay?
You're gonna have to give up.'
56
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,530
{\an8}'Get off the bike, sir!'
57
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,948
- ♪ you!
- 'Oh!'
58
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:23,118
'Is that how it's gonna be?'
Okay, fine. Cut him off.
59
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:24,328
Freeze, sir!
60
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,414
- 'Hey. Hey! Get off that
bike!'
- I got him!
61
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,457
- I got him!
- Freeze!
62
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,792
- I got him!
- Son of a bitch.
63
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,173
- 'Oh, damn.'
- 'Oh.'
64
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:38,468
'Ohh!'
65
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,431
No.
66
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,184
'Whoo!'
67
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,810
Shut up.
68
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,312
Oh, man.
69
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:51,772
Got him!
70
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,357
- 'Yes, you did.'
- 'Good for you.'
71
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,151
'You get to do the paperwork,
hot dog girl.'
72
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:59,780
Great job. Fantastic.
73
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:00,572
Hey, James Garcia.
74
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,824
- Hi, James.
- Nice to meet you.
75
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:03,575
- Welcome to the force.
- Thank you.
76
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,286
Wow, where'd you learn
that stuff?
77
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,497
- At the Marine Corps.
- Well, ten-hut.
78
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,999
- Got him.
- Nice.
79
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,834
- "I got him."
- Beginner's luck.
80
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,170
"I got him."
81
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,880
That was a good grab there.
82
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:18,674
"I learned that in
the Marine Corps."
83
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,509
If I wasn't on my period,
I could've did that.
84
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,645
{\an8}Aah!
85
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,355
{\an8}Sorry. My brakes are gettin'
squirrelly on me.
86
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:36,525
I've had some
boots on layaway
87
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,902
here at Zapateria La Ballerina.
88
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,654
'For western fashions
here in Reno'
89
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,906
you really can't beat
Zapateria La Ballerina.
90
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,492
'Well, you can, but not
at these prices, really.'
91
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,911
Let's do it.
92
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,538
It's go time.
93
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,876
Genuine ostrich.
94
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:55,544
Three payments.
95
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,629
Oh!
96
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,966
Wait, what? I'm just goofin'.
97
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,592
New boot goofin'.
98
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,053
Oh!
99
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,458
{\an8}Cleanliness is
next to Godliness.
100
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,209
{\an8}It's an important...
101
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,795
- Oh, the God squad.
- Boom!
102
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:39,588
- Hi.
- Hey! How's God doing today?
103
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:42,299
- Yeah!
- Fine. Jehovah's good.
104
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,592
Yeah?
105
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:47,095
Hey, does Jehovah have a permit
to be in the neighborhood today?
106
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,222
I think Brother Thor
might have the permit.
107
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:50,640
'Is that Brother Thor?'
108
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,601
- 'That's Brother Thor.'
- Sir.
109
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,311
- Jones?
- 'That's Brother Thor.'
110
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,980
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- 'I got him.'
111
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,607
- 'That's Brother Thor.'
- Sir, relax.
112
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:05,781
Sir... Sir, 144,000 people
make it into heaven.
113
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,574
{\an8}- Would you like to be one?
- Yes, sir.
114
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,785
Would you like to hear
the good news about Jehovah?
115
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,912
- Yes, I would.
- 'We need your home address.'
116
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,965
I tell you, I'd love to get...
117
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,594
...one... new... dep
118
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,679
who was a little bit...
119
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,310
...less of a complete...
120
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,270
...fudge-up.
121
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:37,688
I can follow.
122
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,023
Fudge-up.
123
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,818
I feel like
we got a lot of fudge-ups.
124
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,152
- For sure.
- We're like, uh...
125
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,531
So many fudge-ups
at our station...
126
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,493
...that they ought to put a...
127
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,787
They ought to slap a sign
on the front of itself
128
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,790
and call it a fudge factory.
129
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,960
It's like
a fudge-packing district.
130
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,169
Pretty much.
131
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,843
{\an8}Reno 12-Charlie-7.
We got a jumper.
132
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:11,179
{\an8}We got a jumper.
Hoh, hoh, hoh. Hoh, hoh, hoh.
133
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,472
{\an8}- Hey!
- 'Hey!'
134
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:13,682
- 'T.T.'
- 'Calm down, now.'
135
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,851
- 'Hey!'
- 'No, don't come here.'
136
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,813
- I'm gonna kill myself.
- 'No, no, no, no, no!'
137
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,691
- 'No, no, no, no!'
- 'Hoh, T.T., don't do that!'
138
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:23,733
Pretty girl, no,
you don't want to do that.
139
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:25,902
Oh, son of a... I don't...
140
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,821
I do not want to call the fire
department, the EMTs.
141
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,322
'It's a whole ♪
damn production.'
142
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:30,699
Give me a shot at this one.
143
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,033
- One shot.
- You want this?
144
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:32,742
- You want to go, Reese?
- Yeah, I want this.
145
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:34,870
Okay. You better take this.
146
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,080
- She likes this.
- Alright.
147
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,375
- 'Now!'
- Let's rock this joint.
148
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:41,877
'Fine. Let the rookie take it.'
149
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,253
'Yeah. Rock it ***.'
150
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,546
And he's gonna do
the paperwork too.
151
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,715
- Hell, yeah.
- 'No, no, no! No.'
152
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,717
- 'No. No! No!'
- 'No, no!'
153
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,677
I'm right here.
Nobody's gonna die today.
154
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,387
- 'Oh, oh!'
- Nobody's gonna die today.
155
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,140
Lookit. Look, look. Look,
look, I'm putting down my gun.
156
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,224
- 'Stay back.'
- Look at that.
157
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:57,184
I don't need my gun.
158
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,269
- Nobody's gonna die today.
- 'Stay back.'
159
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,062
- Nobody's gonna die today.
- 'I'm gonna kill myself.'
160
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,357
Not on my watch.
Come here. Come here!
161
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,360
- Oh! Ugh.
- Hoh, hoh!
162
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,612
Reese?
163
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,739
Oh, my ***. Come on!
164
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,284
- Reese! Reese!
- Reese!
165
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:15,619
'They aren't gonna
believe in you.'
166
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,538
Then you have to
believe in yourself
167
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:21,416
because sometimes
you're all you got.
168
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,626
- You know that?
- Yeah.
169
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,587
Well, you make a lot of sense
for a white fella.
170
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,339
See, the only person
who saw deep inside
171
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,591
was my daddy,
and that's the reason why
172
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,718
I take these sticks,
'cause see
173
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:35,055
my daddy was real skinny
and real black.
174
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,640
'Black like a hundred
midnights black.'
175
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,100
Oh, like, uh, like, uh,
like almost purple.
176
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,977
- Black. Blue-black.
- Like, blue-black.
177
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:42,479
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Purple-black. Yeah.
178
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,940
- And ski-inny! You know?
- Oh, yeah.
179
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:49,444
So when I see the stick,
why, that remind me of my daddy.
180
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,987
- I get choked up.
- Let's go.
181
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,614
- Y'all get away from me!
- No, no, no...
182
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,407
- Get away from me! Get back!
- It's alright. Please.
183
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,451
Don't invade our space.
Honestly.
184
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:58,328
Okay? Please.
185
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,996
'You're dismissed.
Thank you.'
186
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:01,748
- 'Okay, where were we?'
- Yeah.
187
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,918
- Okay. *** yeah.
- Good luck getting back, ***.
188
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,461
I like you
189
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,797
way, way better
than that great big *á
190
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,633
and that little bitty Mexican
they send out here all the time.
191
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,968
- Yeah.
- They got to go.
192
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,015
{\an8}What do I think
of Rookie Jackson?
193
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,767
{\an8}Well, uh, I think she's good
breedin' stock.
194
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:23,478
Not to be too forward
195
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:26,815
but, uh, she's got the right
parts, uh, up here, down here.
196
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,358
She's put together well.
197
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,820
She'd be an asset to our force,
and I'd be happy to school her.
198
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,949
I'd say she puts ass
in asset to the force.
199
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,659
That she does, my friend.
200
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,953
{\an8}We're in pursuit
of a purse snatcher.
201
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,581
{\an8}Requesting backup. Whoa!
202
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,292
- Uh, alright.
- Okay, come on.
203
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,377
Uh, wait, no, grab it on the...
204
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:47,836
There's a lot of dirt over here.
205
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,839
'Jackson!'
206
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,511
Oh.
207
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:59,514
She's like a little cat.
208
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,229
'Oh, uh... Oh!'
209
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:11,359
- Got it!
- 'That was cool.'
210
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,861
We need more white, cool,
David Lee Roth
211
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,488
white people *** like that
in the world.
212
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,032
Tha-that was cool.
213
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,327
I could've done that. For real.
I could've done that.
214
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,668
{\an8}'Sheriff's Department!
Stay where you are.'
215
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:31,880
{\an8}- 'Hands where we can see 'em.'
- 'Hands where we can see 'em.'
216
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,840
'You know why we're here,
don't you? You know?'
217
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,258
- 'I don't know.'
- You don't know?
218
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,551
- You don't know?
- No.
219
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:37,344
No, I don't know.
220
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,220
So you wouldn't know
anything about
221
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,890
the First Western Bank
being robbed this morning
222
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:42,724
by a gentleman...
223
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:46,561
A gentleman with...
224
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,063
...a crossbow, Frisbee!
225
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,564
'A man with a crossbow.'
226
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:51,733
I-I don't, I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
227
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,735
You don't know
what we're talking about?
228
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,778
- Frisbee...
- No.
229
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,737
Guess how many people
in this area
230
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,740
subscribe to
Crossbow Enthusiast.
231
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,867
- 'I don't know. 2000.'
- One!
232
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,078
You want to hear the description
of the fella we're lookin' for?
233
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,954
- 'Let's hear it, Travis.'
- And see if it rings any bells?
234
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:08,041
- Let's see if it reminds us--
- Quieten down!
235
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:09,918
- Wearing a ski mask...
- Yeah.
236
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,420
'Beard stickin' out
under the ski mask...'
237
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:13,797
- 'Yeah.'
- 'Strawberry-ish.'
238
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,340
'Yeah.'
239
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,052
'Woman drivin' the getaway car,
also in ski mask.'
240
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,930
- 'Very pregnant. Underage.'
- Yeah. Yeah.
241
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,641
'Six kids in the back
of the pickup truck.'
242
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,934
Yeah. Well...
243
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,936
Remind you of anybody, Frisbee?
244
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:32,440
Don't sound...
Does not ring a specific bell.
245
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,109
- Don't sound familiar?
- No.
246
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,735
Wouldn't know anythin'
about that, would you, Frisbee?
247
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,779
No, I don't know
anything about it.
248
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,281
You wouldn't, uh,
perhaps, have a alibi
249
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,241
for yourself this mornin',
would you?
250
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:44,285
- Where were you, Frisbee?
- 'Around 8:32?'
251
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:46,955
I was making a hammock, I was
making a hammock out of weeds.
252
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,957
- Can I see that?
- It didn't go very well.
253
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,959
I don't know.
No, it-it-it frayed up.
254
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,752
- It frayed up on you?
- Yeah.
255
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:53,837
So if we were to take a look
at your hands
256
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,840
we wouldn't see
any of the blue paint
257
00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:00,635
'that the bomb let off,
that the bank put in--'
258
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,847
Dye bomb in the bag, Frisbee.
Blue dye bomb. No hiding it.
259
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,851
- I don't... No!
- Let's see the hands.
260
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,103
Huh?
261
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,483
You want to talk to it?
262
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,112
'No, we don't want
to talk to the hands.'
263
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,030
- ***.
- Sorry to do that to you.
264
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:23,283
Stay out of trouble. You know
anybody else that's, uh...
265
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,159
- 'Yeah, who else around here?'
- 'Crossbow...'
266
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,369
- Get in the house!
- 'On the ground!'
267
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,455
- On the ground! On the ground!
- On the ground, Frisbee.
268
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,415
'Set the beer down
and get on the ground. Da-da!'
269
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,167
'Don't drink the beer,
set it ***.'
270
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,501
Damn it, Frisbee,
get on the ground.
271
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,003
- No, don't-don't do it.
- Don't.
272
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,046
Frisbee, no! No, Frisbee, no!
273
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,100
We don't need Reese, you know?
274
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,477
And for an Italian...
275
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:53,104
I don't think Reese is an
Italian name. I mean, what is...
276
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,023
- I bet he changed it.
- I bet he did too.
277
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,358
- Them Italians change it.
- Yeah.
278
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,985
- Probably, uh...
- Reesatoni.
279
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,987
Or Corleone,
or something like that.
280
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:04,866
Jared Reese.
Giovanni Corleone Reesatoni.
281
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,242
Reesatoni. Yeah.
282
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:09,078
I'm surprised they let
Italians be police officers.
283
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,039
I mean, that's...
I mean, to me that seems
284
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:16,044
like, uh, letting pedophiles
be teachers, yo-you know?
285
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,212
It just don't,
it seems like the opposite
286
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:21,674
of what we should be doing
if we're giving Italians guns
287
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:23,051
and puttin' them in charge
of crime...
288
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,220
That's already what they do.
289
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,274
What do you call that, Reese?
290
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:39,818
It's Tai Chi.
291
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,070
- 'Tai what?'
- 'Gesundheit!'
292
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,620
An ancient form of
Chinese meditation
293
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:54,457
exercise, and becoming one
with the universe and nature.
294
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,960
'Tai Chi. Wasn't that the
monkey on that speed racer...'
295
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,503
Uh, yeah, right.
296
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,505
It helps you fight
ancient criminals
297
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,047
that move real slow.
298
00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:06,261
'Now it's, like,
pushing a file cabinet.'
299
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,805
- 'Push the file cabinet.'
- 'Now punch the file cabinet.'
300
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,057
- 'Punch the file cabinet.'
- 'He's pulling the...'
301
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,935
'Oh, hey, look, it's, uh,
you know, it's that girl.'
302
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,813
- What's-her-face. Uh...
- Yeah.
303
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,106
- 'Okay.'
- What's up, fellas?
304
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,107
Yeah.
305
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,068
- Something.
- Somethin'.
306
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,862
Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.
307
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,907
Wax on. Wax off.
308
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,412
- 'Travis?'
- '*** Jones!'
309
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,163
Holy ***!
Hey, that was not cool.
310
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,173
{\an8}The new rookie Reese is...
311
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:47,802
I mean, I don't want to be
you know, inappropriate
312
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:51,973
or unprofessional,
but if he was a grape
313
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:55,810
I would suck the love juice
right out of his body.
314
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,482
So what do y'all think
about the karate kid?
315
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,276
- Oh...
- Ha ha ha!
316
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,986
I had to stop myself
from writing
317
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:09,824
Mrs. Clementine Reese
on all my reports.
318
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,533
- 'Whoo!'
- Hello.
319
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:13,202
I'm like,
"Hi. How you doin'?
320
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:16,706
What's your name?"
Ha ha ha!
321
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,958
Love him? Who do I hate?
322
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,002
- The little, little blondie.
- Blond girl.
323
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,171
"Hi. I'm gonna go crochet
my own Kevlar."
324
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,174
"Whoops!
I gotta go do cartwheels
325
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,134
over to the tampon machine."
326
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,178
"Hi! Hi! Nice to meet you.
327
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,347
It would be a real pleasure
to work with you one day."
328
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,684
Hey. How you doing, Wiegel?
329
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,227
Williams? What's up, Clemmy?
330
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,188
- What's up, you.
- Hi, lady.
331
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:43,900
- How's it going?
- Got your sweat suit on.
332
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,653
'Bookin' is that way.'
333
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,739
You gotta take him
all the way back.
334
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,240
- Alright. Okay.
- Alright.
335
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,576
Well, I'll see you later then.
336
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,911
- Okay.
- 'Okay.'
337
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,371
- Come on.
- Take care.
338
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,997
- Nice to talk to you.
- See you later.
339
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,582
Okay.
340
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,209
- 'Who's that?'
- I don't remember.
341
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,711
I don't like when people
know you that you don't know.
342
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,380
- Yeah.
- It sounds very suspicious.
343
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,049
Like, "Oh, hi." Like,
"I'm... I know your name."
344
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,176
I don't know who she is,
but that was a big perp
345
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,386
she brought in.
346
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,227
{\an8}'Oh, Craig'
347
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,229
{\an8}'these conjugal visits
are so wonderful.'
348
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,898
{\an8}'So romantic.'
349
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,191
I could just stare at you
all day long.
350
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,736
'Ohh, I wish we had all day.'
351
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,781
Hold on, give me a second here.
352
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,954
You really have it
pretty good in here.
353
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,372
Yeah.
354
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,749
It's a lot more spacious
than I thought they'd give us.
355
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,167
- Yeah.
- It's pretty sweet.
356
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:46,087
I like the pink walls,
you know?
357
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,048
Pink is a good color
for intimacy.
358
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,051
Yeah. Pink and yellows.
359
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:54,429
Oh, I see
what you're getting at.
360
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,263
'What? I wasn't, no,
I wasn't getting at anything.'
361
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,182
Oh, I thought you were being...
Okay.
362
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,936
So, anyways, I guess we should
363
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,271
maybe do a scenario
or something.
364
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,773
How about, um
365
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:09,277
we're both work at,
um... a corporation.
366
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,488
- Okay.
- Okay.
367
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,328
Mm, I think I'm gonna
have lunch now.
368
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,330
- Alright.
- Do you want some of my lunch?
369
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,167
No, thanks,
I'm not hungry right now.
370
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,130
You, would you like to take
a look at what I'm typing?
371
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,635
Oh. I see you're writing
a love letter to somebody.
372
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,471
No, it's not a love letter.
373
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:37,889
It's just a...
374
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,307
No,
I'm not writing a love letter.
375
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,477
It's just a, a memo to the boss.
376
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,479
- This isn't working, right?
- No, it's not.
377
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,774
I think we have, like,
four minutes left.
378
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,817
I feel like
we haven't used this...
379
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,986
- Wisely.
- Ahem. Yeah.
380
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:55,198
I'm not a... I'm not feeling
sexual right now.
381
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,949
I'm not either, and that's okay.
382
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,117
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.
383
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:01,454
That doesn't mean that our
relationship is odd in any way.
384
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,164
- No.
- I think things are going well.
385
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,042
I think they're going very well
386
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,543
and I think it's weird
when someone says
387
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,004
"Hey, go have sex
in that room right now."
388
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:13,132
Right, we're gonna wait
outside the door with shotguns
389
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,342
while you have sex in that room.
390
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,676
Right. Don't feel sexy, mister.
391
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:16,677
Right.
392
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:24,853
{\an8}So, uh, it's been a long week,
but the moment of truth is here.
393
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:30,733
Last night I decided
who our new deputy would be.
394
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,318
I vote for Reese.
395
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:33,362
- You don't get a vote.
- 'I...'
396
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,031
I do too.
397
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,951
'You also get no vote.'
398
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,870
On behalf of all the women,
we all vote for Reese.
399
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,872
Alright, so that's three votes
400
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,459
equaled... equaling zero
because it's my decision.
401
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,503
'Anyway, uh...'
402
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,254
Do we get a vote?
403
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,590
- 'The fellas? Yeah.'
- Yeah.
404
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:55,968
Do you think you do?
405
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:00,346
I'm sorry, you also get no vote.
406
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:03,683
'Uh, it was
a very hard decision.'
407
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,561
'Uh, I took a lot of things
into account...'
408
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,146
...and, uh, I decided on Reese.
409
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,691
- Yes! Yes!
- Yeah!
410
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,902
Buh-buh-buh. Buh! Buh!
Uh, and then, uh
411
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,571
apparently last night
his National Guard Unit
412
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,739
got called up,
so he's going to Tikrit
413
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,741
and, uh, took himself
out of the running.
414
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,743
'And, uh, the girl, uh...'
415
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,078
- 'Jackson...'
- Yes, yes.
416
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,247
Is, uh, g-going on
to do ultimate fighting
417
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,417
or something I heard.
So we're going with Kimball.
418
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,711
- 'Who?'
- Kimball.
419
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,588
- 'Who's that?'
- Again, who?
420
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,090
Well, well,
she, she looks like, uh...
421
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,759
'Oh, Kimball.'
422
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,512
Hey, uh, could you all maybe
give me a hand here?
423
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,891
I collared these two guys.
I just need to book 'em.
424
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,476
Just-just book 'em. The forms
are right there. Help her out.
425
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:51,106
We put the guys who did
bad things in the jail.
426
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,274
- Al-alright.
- 'It's very self-explanatory.'
427
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,319
- 'You'll figure it out.'
- Alright, move it, come on!
428
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,404
- Rookie.
- 'That one. That's the one.'
429
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,741
- 'Kimball.'
- Kim...
430
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,784
She had, like, 17 arrests.
431
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,453
I don't mean to be sexist,
but she doesn't really
432
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,371
fill out a sweat suit.
433
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,082
No, she doesn't, really.
434
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,763
Okay, gang, so let's give
a very warm welcome
435
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:24,472
'to the newest member
of our family'
436
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,974
'Deputy Kimball.'
437
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,684
- 'Come on up.'
- Wow.
438
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:32,772
'Hey, everybody.'
439
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:36,317
Uh, my name is, uh, Deputy...
440
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:39,654
I like saying that.
Deputy Kimball.
441
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,447
I just, I did, I did want to say
that I don't want anybody
442
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:44,659
to feel threatened or,
like, I'm replacing anybody
443
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,995
'cause that is not the case
from what I've been told.
444
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:52,124
I know I can be
intimidating at times
445
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,334
'you know, it's like,
I'm wooden on the outside'
446
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,171
on the inside,
it's more like, pudding.
447
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,509
- Okay. That was good. Okay.
- Uh. Okay. Alright. Okay.
448
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,304
Okay, pudding on the inside, wonderful.
449
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,645
to the "Brady Bunch?"
450
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,897
'You remember that little boy
with the blond hair?'
451
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,024
Yeah, that's sort of
when it all went downhill.
452
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:20,194
Well, but my point is,
I wasn't Jan.
453
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:22,530
You know what I'm saying,
when they switched Jan.
454
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,073
Kind of like on the "Cosby Show"
455
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,325
when they brought in
the little cute, little thing.
456
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,159
- Yeah.
- You're, uh...
457
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,246
You're basically
like a spare tire.
458
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:32,039
- 'In case one of us goes
flat.'
- Uh...
459
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,374
No, like Frasier
on "Cheers," kinda.
460
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,376
Very much so.
461
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,254
I-I enjoy that program
I'll tell you that.
34122
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