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1
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,255
So, we're still tryin'
to work out
2
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,465
the bugs of this,
uh, bomb-dog camera.
3
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,093
What they do is they give you
a real good shot
4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,429
and a image of the bomb.
5
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,222
Testin', one, two.
6
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,265
Testin'.
7
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:18,934
Go, go.
8
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,769
'Go, try it out, boy.'
9
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,604
'Transmission's good.'
10
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,108
'Damn.'
11
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,109
'Hello.'
12
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,110
Hello, Champagne.
13
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,780
Happy New Year to you.
14
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,949
Hi, buddy.
15
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:36,243
- Oh, man.
- Hey. Hey, come on now.
16
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,162
Get on out of there, come on.
17
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,121
Hey, get on out.
18
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,957
Hey, hey, shoo.
19
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:44,001
{\an8}'Hey, come here!
20
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,461
{\an8}Good mornin', gang.
21
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:28,420
{\an8}- 'Hey.'
- 'Good morning.'
22
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:31,131
{\an8}Uh, I was checkin'
the web-browser history
23
00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,841
{\an8}on all of the computers in here.
24
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:35,219
You... You can do that?
25
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,513
'Yeah. Yeah, I was checkin'
all the browser histories'
26
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,806
on all the computers
in the station
27
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,183
which say
"For, uh, official use only."
28
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,520
'And, uh, here's a couple
of the recent sites'
29
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,105
'people have been visiting
for official business, I guess'
30
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:50,192
'"superbootyshots.com"'
31
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,194
'"picturesofmycats.com"'
32
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:55,197
"hugenatural[bleep].com"
33
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:58,325
"herpesonlinecompanion.com"
34
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,369
'"drnasty[bleep].com"'
35
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,203
'"chickswith[bleep].org"'
36
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:05,958
"sweatersforkittens/store
catastics.com"
37
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,086
'"catastrophe.com,"
and "chocolate[bleep].org."'
38
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,840
'All those were in the recent
web browser history'
39
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,509
"For official business only."
40
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,846
I'm just gonna volunteer to help
you figure out, if you...
41
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:19,847
'Well, there's nothin'
to figure out.'
42
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,307
To help you figure out
who, who, who did it.
43
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:24,768
Okay, we don't need to call
Scotland Yard
44
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,312
to figure who was lookin' at...
45
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,107
"drnasty[bleep].com."
46
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,276
I was doing some research
for my doctor.
47
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:35,445
She said, "Do things look
different or strange?"
48
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:37,531
And I had nothing
to compare it to.
49
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,116
But the cat thing
was not mine.
50
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:47,583
{\an8}'Sheriff's Department!'
51
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,209
{\an8}Honey, are you okay?
52
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,586
{\an8}- What's the matter?
- What's the matter?
53
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,296
Are you okay?
54
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,215
- 'Okay, okay.'
- 'Alright.'
55
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,343
It's gonna be okay,
just breathe.
56
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,387
Take a deep, deep breath.
57
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,513
- Okay.
- Deep breath, honey.
58
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,599
Have you been takin'
any drugs today?
59
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,267
- 'Okay. No, no...'
- Let me see your arms.
60
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:08,145
Hold out your arms.
Let me see your arms.
61
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,480
- Okay, you're good.
- Do you want a hug?
62
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,276
Okay, you're... Okay,
I feel like I'm gonna faint now.
63
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,361
Okay, so just deep breathe,
are you happy?
64
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,488
We're not gonna let anything
happen to you.
65
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,991
Okay, you have to calm... Okay.
We need to...
66
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,784
- I'm gonna call somebody.
- Get an EMT...
67
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:25,746
We need an emergency medical
technician on the scene here.
68
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:29,082
Reno, Reno, this is 3-Adam-32.
69
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:32,794
We've got a hysterical woman
here at the Oasis Trailer Court.
70
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:33,295
Okay, someone's on their way.
71
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,304
What happened to you?
72
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,556
Dangle?
73
00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,975
- Dangle?
- Oh, no!
74
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,269
Dangle? Are you okay?
75
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,438
'Do you want me to get
your Graham crackers?'
76
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:52,814
'Want your Graham crackers?'
77
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,317
Someone's gonna come
and give us some nice sedatives.
78
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,528
'Get in.'
79
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,488
'Alright.'
80
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,990
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
81
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,325
No, I don't know what the
she was talkin' about.
82
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:06,703
I could have sworn I heard her
say "Food Stamps," but other...
83
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:07,496
Maybe, I don't know,
sometimes you just got
84
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,623
to speak their language,
you know?
85
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,999
To get 'em in the [bleep] car.
86
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,002
She's going to jail.
87
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:17,464
I don't know what she did,
but she's goin' to jail.
88
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:24,680
{\an8}Test, one, two.
89
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,391
{\an8}Test, still no sign
of One-eyed Jack
90
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,642
{\an8}and I'm [bleep] hot.
91
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,981
How much [bleep] car exhaust
do we have to inhale
92
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:34,773
before this [bleep] damn
drug dealer
93
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,777
wakes his ass up
and starts dealin'?
94
00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:40,446
{\an8}Let's go home.
95
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:42,448
{\an8}I don't know.
96
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,493
{\an8}- Let's go.
- We can go?
97
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:49,329
{\an8}Yeah, get your stuff,
let's get out of here.
98
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,833
Hey, man,
do you have some smoke?
99
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,876
- Oh, hey, ladies.
- You got a smoke or anything?
100
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,504
- You got, uh, you got smokes?
- Yeah.
101
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,214
You want, uh,
you want a smoke, huh?
102
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,507
- Yeah.
- Groovy dreads.
103
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:04,219
Oh, th-thanks, thank you.
104
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:09,141
- Your hair is wild.
- Yeah, well, it's, um, yeah.
105
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,351
That accent is trippy, man,
where you from?
106
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:14,396
Well, I'm, uh,
I'm from Jamaica, Kingston.
107
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:17,024
- Yeah
- Jamaica man.
108
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,234
- I'm from Utah.
- Wow, really?
109
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,361
- Yeah.
- It's really hot there, right?
110
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,446
- Yeah.
- Um, in Utah?
111
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,532
No, it's, it's about a mile up
112
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,451
so it, uh, never really gets
above seventy-five.
113
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,328
Wow.
114
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,211
{\an8}Okay, did anybody else
in here see what happened?
115
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,006
{\an8}There's a girl in the bathroom.
116
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,759
The next time somethin'
like this happen...
117
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,886
And there will be
a next time...
118
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:49,264
Before you call me,
ask yourself, huh?
119
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,099
"I'm dressed like a trick
120
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:55,228
I'm in a filthy,
disgustin' rat hole...
121
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,190
'What did I expect to happen?'
122
00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:58,858
Huh?
123
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,778
Whoa!
124
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:07,074
- Ho!
- Just shut up.
125
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,743
- Whoa.
- Okay, okay, okay.
126
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,288
Surprise,
you found out my secret, okay?
127
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,956
Are you happy? Are you happy?
128
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,459
Yes, I work in a rat
alright?
129
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,628
But I need the money.
130
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,798
So go blab it all over the whole
station, I don't care!
131
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,424
Why do you automatically assume
Raineesha gonna say somethin'?
132
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,468
Because you always
say something.
133
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:30,847
Okay, that's true, but, but,
but I'm tellin' you
134
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:33,016
I'm givin' you my word
that I'm not.
135
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:35,352
Do you remember when you saw me
coming out of La Clinica
136
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,896
and you didn't tell nobody?
137
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:39,940
- 'Okay.'
- How can I forget about that?
138
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,359
How much you make?
139
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,153
Uh, I walk with about $300
a night
140
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,156
you know, $500
if there's a convention.
141
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,450
Senorita!
142
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,828
Eh-yi-yi-yi! Yi-yi-yi!
Yi-yi-yi!
143
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,205
Uh...
144
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,631
♪ I don't know ♪
145
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,512
- '[bleep].'
- Pig.
146
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,519
♪ Ba-ba-ba ba ba-ba-bow ♪
147
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,356
♪ Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo ♪
148
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:24,818
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo doo ♪
149
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,946
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
ba-boo boo-doo-doo ♪
150
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,866
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
ba-boo doo-doo ♪
151
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:34,035
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo doo ♪
152
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,037
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo ♪
doo-doo-doo ♪
153
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,205
♪ Haa ♪
154
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:39,207
♪ Rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
155
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:40,083
♪ Ahh ♪
156
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,210
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
157
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,128
♪ Chsss ♪
158
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,338
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
159
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:46,548
♪ Zwww ♪
♪ Boww ♪
160
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:47,549
♪ Rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
161
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,551
♪ Pow ♪
♪ Chss ♪
♪ Pow ♪
♪ Chss ♪
162
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,552
♪ R-rickety-tickety-doo
doo-doo-doo ♪
163
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,722
♪ Bow ♪
♪ Trrrr ♪
164
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:56,559
How much time did that kill?
165
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,853
About an hour.
166
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,403
{\an8}- Man--
- 'Oh, no.'
167
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,447
{\an8}Hey, hey, can we talk
to him for a second?
168
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,615
{\an8}- 'Hey, Keith.'
- How you doin' tonight, Keith?
169
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,950
'You alright?'
170
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:16,369
'Oh, man,
they got you good, huh?'
171
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,537
- Yeah.
- 'Oh, Jeez.'
172
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,248
- Was it the...
- Same guys from last time?
173
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:20,999
No, it was a different group.
174
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,751
- "Different group?"
- Alright.
175
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,628
One had a gun,
and the other one had the bat.
176
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,254
- Two fellas?
- Yeah.
177
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,923
And there was a third
that wasn't carryin' anythin'.
178
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,424
Two, three fellows.
179
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,301
- Three fellows.
- 'Okay.'
180
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,261
And then what-- So, they
hit you with the bat, or...
181
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,556
Oh, they never...
Uh, I'm gonna...
182
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,100
They put a hot dog up...
183
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,561
- They put a hot dog where?
- Up my butt.
184
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,772
They put a hot dog...
185
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,941
Was it hot at the time,
or was it not cooked yet?
186
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:46,942
It was hot.
187
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,611
Did the hot dog
have anythin' on it?
188
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,279
Was it just a plain hot dog?
189
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,448
Just hot-dog grease,
you know, 'cause it had
190
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:55,116
just come off the cooker
and it was...
191
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,952
- Piping hot, piping hot,
- Pipin' hot.
192
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,412
They said they really liked me,
and they just wanted me to...
193
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,456
- Be a hot-dog cowboy.
- Right.
194
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:02,791
Somethin' about you
behind that counter
195
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:03,750
seems to just set men on fire.
196
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:06,461
- Seems like they just...
- Oh, you're...
197
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,089
Oh, you're-you're rape bait,
Keith.
198
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,298
Those-those two guys--
199
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,425
One of them,
one of them said that.
200
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,635
- "Rape bait?"
- Yeah.
201
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,971
I hate to agree with them,
but I kind of do.
202
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,472
You're doing
somethin' right here.
203
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,474
Keith, you get
rape rookies in here.
204
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:20,642
You know how odd that is?
You know how rare that is?
205
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,645
In a weird way, man...
Hey! Badge of honor.
206
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:27,148
Badge-- People who never,
ever raped a clerk
207
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,818
say, "I'm gonna break it
in on Keith."
208
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:30,986
I got to balance my register.
209
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,655
I never really worked one
of these things before.
210
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,074
We're going the wrong way,
I think.
211
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:36,700
'Spin him.'
212
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,452
- Aah!
- Sorry, Keith.
213
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:40,662
- Aah!
- sorry.
214
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,163
Are we going
the wrong way or no?
215
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,790
'We got to do
a pooper check on Keith.'
216
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:44,666
'Do you have any kind
of long tongs?'
217
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:48,545
- Hey, hey!
- [bleep] [bleep].
218
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,131
You gonna stay put
or what, buddy?
219
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,632
- .
- Ah [bleep].
220
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:55,844
Somebody should get up
there.
221
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,678
Keith?
222
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,180
Oh, [bleep].
223
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,015
We're gonna have
to do it here, buddy.
224
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,558
- Joe, Joe.
- We're gonna pull the--
225
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,352
Can you give us
a little bit of privacy?
226
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,854
Yeah, a little bit of...
227
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,024
Shine them up real good.
228
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,655
{\an8}I think it's time
for my homemade brownies.
229
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,324
{\an8}Aphrodite makes
the best brownies ever.
230
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,994
Oh, no. No, you didn't.
No, you didn't.
231
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,204
Oh, I'm gonna take a...
232
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,332
- I ate the whole thing at once.
- Mmm.
233
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,878
If we gave these brownies out to
everybody right, it'd be like...
234
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,384
- Whoo!
- Pretty good.
235
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:45,352
{\an8}Alright, well, at this point
236
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,063
{\an8}we were supposed to watch
a driver-safety film
237
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,398
entitled "Blood on the Highway"
238
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:53,026
by the Department
of Transportation Safety Board
239
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:53,693
'but you all have been
pretty good'
240
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,612
so I brought in another film
241
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:59,616
about highway safety
and law enforcement
242
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:04,245
a little picture called...
"Smokey and the Bandit."
243
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:05,955
'No talking during "Smokey
and the Bandit," if you talk'
244
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,916
'that will be one point
on your driver's license'
245
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,459
and there will be a test.
246
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,715
{\an8}Reno, this is 14-David-21.
We are on the scene.
247
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,969
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
248
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,806
- You call 911?
- Yes, I did.
249
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,099
What's the problem, sir?
250
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,725
I think you're gonna be very
pleased with me
251
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,769
when I tell you what it is.
Oh, hello.
252
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,647
I have compiled a list of 500--
253
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:35,568
I got 500 cars that have run
the stop sign right here.
254
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:38,780
Ah, don't bother to thank me,
I've got it right here.
255
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,783
You've made
a, a citizen's arrest
256
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,618
or just a citizen's list?
257
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,786
It's a citizen's list
258
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,914
which I hope to become
an arrest with your help.
259
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:50,458
Ah, I got some here
that are very interesting.
260
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,751
Most of the plates are Nevada
261
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:55,171
which, I think,
because we're in Nevada.
262
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,340
- Adds up.
- It makes sense.
263
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,635
I got-- We don't have Indiana.
264
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:01,678
Look at this,
I got here this one...
265
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:05,140
A black-and-white police car
ran that light.
266
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:09,018
Its-- I got
the license here 8-3-7-5-2.
267
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,186
It's Rhode Island.
268
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:11,771
'Yeah, we're,
we're allowed to do that.'
269
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:13,148
- Oh, that's you?
- Yeah.
270
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,816
Look at this, this is
an ambulance ran the light here.
271
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,652
Okay, they can,
they get to do that, too.
272
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:19,654
- They can?
- Oh, yeah.
273
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:20,864
Anything that goes,
whoo-whoo-whoo.
274
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,866
Now, let me ask you this
275
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:26,327
if you guys drive your own cars
when you're off duty
276
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,747
and you go through that light,
can you arrest yourself then?
277
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,712
Oh, hell,
I got to take this. Yeah?
278
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,797
What's it say there
on the invisible radio?
279
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,048
Uh-huh.
280
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:39,799
We should really get to that,
don't you think?
281
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,969
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
282
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:46,347
My Wonder Woman radio was going
off, so we should probably--
283
00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,516
- Why don't we take this?
- We'll take that.
284
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:51,019
And we will put it
in the file.
285
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,645
Oh, okay.
286
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,190
Well, do you need my name
or social security number?
287
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,691
We know it.
288
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,360
'Do you have a private
extension, if I call again?'
289
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,446
Yes, we do.
290
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,865
It's 1-800-eat-
291
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:04,949
1-800-8-10.
292
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,912
- 'No.'
- 'That's not enough numbers.'
293
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,214
Major bummer, Jeff.
294
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,841
I don't study
for my geometry final today.
295
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,136
I'm, like, totally gonna fail.
296
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,180
Take a chill pill, Susie.
297
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,766
Watch and learn.
298
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,187
9-1-1, I'd like to report
a bomb threat.
299
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,856
Thanks, Jeff.
300
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:38,609
You're da bomb.
301
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:39,901
Time out, Jeff.
302
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,571
Stop, drop and think.
303
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,907
Every fake bomb threat
you call in
304
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,575
keeps us from stopping
305
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,453
the hundreds of... real bombs
306
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,413
set to blow up in Reno
307
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,916
all the time, every day.
308
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,086
Gee, deputy,
I didn't think of that.
309
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,547
One thing I've learned...
310
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,925
Bomb threats aren't da bomb.
311
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,426
That's right.
312
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,971
{\an8}And this is Deputy Williams.
313
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:11,350
{\an8}Keepin' it real. Real safe.
314
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,565
{\an8}'Alright, 28.'
315
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,733
{\an8}What was the Bandit's
316
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,611
{\an8}license-plate number?
317
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:24,821
And it ain't "Bandit."
318
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,115
A lot of people get wrong, lot
of people think it's "Bandit."
319
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:27,907
It ain't "Bandit."
320
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:32,203
'Alright, final question here.'
321
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,621
What color
322
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:36,332
were Sally Field's shorts?
323
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,796
{\an8}Can you make
that noise doing this?
324
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,047
{\an8}- Yeah.
- It takes me a while.
325
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:47,468
{\an8}- Hold on, let me pull over.
- Oh, we're in a school zone.
326
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:48,886
That's okay.
327
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,477
It doesn't smell
when you do that.
328
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,104
I know, that's weird.
329
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:02,692
- Does yours?
- Gosh, you're better-- No.
330
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,985
No, it doesn't.
331
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,654
Mine smells a little
like Cheetos.
332
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,156
Oh.
333
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,866
Yeah, I smell that,
I smell that.
334
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,743
That's 'cause I just farted.
335
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,835
{\an8}Oh, sweet Lord. Almighty.
336
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,464
{\an8}Hey, do you think...
Do you think this is where...
337
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:25,632
'They don't even notice us.'
338
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,634
'Hey, ho, ho, ho!'
339
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:31,304
- Stinky, stinky, stinky.
- Holy tamale!
340
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:31,930
Guess why we're here.
341
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,808
Uh, we were, uh, we were--
342
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,976
'Because you can hear'
343
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:40,021
your crappy band six miles away.
344
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:43,358
And... Just-just
constructive criticism...
345
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,818
- You sound awful, by the way.
- Very bad.
346
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,528
You really, really sound bad.
347
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:48,196
Really bad.
348
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:51,532
My God, that's really nice.
349
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,034
Is this yours?
350
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,035
We borrowed that one.
351
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,418
Hey, Joe, you play the drums
a little bit, don't you?
352
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,128
'Yeah, I love to play drums.'
353
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:08,467
'Clemmy, we're gonna
need some backup.'
354
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:16,224
{\an8}Anyway, I'm hoping that you...
You break your celibacy for me.
355
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,100
{\an8}'Oh. Well, I mean,
I-I would consider it.'
356
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,018
{\an8}Oh, careful.
357
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,187
{\an8}I wanna send in
some white light.
358
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:25,566
You know? Bring in the white
light into the energy field.
359
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,527
- So... And, yeah.
- Thank God. Yeah.
360
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:28,861
I was only doin' it, like
361
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,071
to protest the war and stuff,
but, I mean...
362
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,907
- Maybe if I just...
- Yeah, I can sort of feel that.
363
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,242
- You know...
- Yeah.
364
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,411
'Cause I think the troops
are movin' out anyway.
365
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,204
Hey, Buddy, do you mind, um...
366
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,956
Sorry, excuse me. Lemme, uh--
367
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,249
That's okay,
we'll just wait here.
368
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,000
'Talk to him real quick.'
369
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:45,253
'Yeah, peace.'
370
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,672
'Take your time.'
371
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,549
Hey, dude.
372
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,051
Whoo, it feels good.
373
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,303
Yeah.
374
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,304
What have we been doing
all our lives, man?
375
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:59,475
- Nothing, man.
- Risking our necks for... what?
376
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,061
I haven't had a beautiful woman
touch me in 15 years, man.
377
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,104
I'm done, let's-let's call it.
378
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,064
This is it, this is it,
let's quit.
379
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,775
- Bye-bye, Reno.
- You're Buddy, I'm Kyle.
380
00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:08,901
Alright, Kyle.
381
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:12,113
Oh, [bleep] [bleep].
382
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:17,410
That's him, man, [bleep].
That's One-eyed Jack.
383
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,411
- 'Hey, freeze!'
- 'Freeze! Freeze!'
384
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,579
'Freeze! Sheriff's Department!'
385
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,293
- '[bleep]'
- 'What was I thinking?'
386
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,128
What the hell was I thinking?
I love being a cop, man!
387
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,429
{\an8}- Go on, baby.
- Go on.
388
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,098
{\an8}I thought there used
to be school.
389
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:40,850
- I thought children used--
- No. Not anymore.
390
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:44,812
- Apparently not anymore.
- No.
391
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,023
Now we drive around,
and they play Grand Theft Auto
392
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:51,569
and they get on the crack pipe
at four
393
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,405
and they're working for Walmart.
394
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,616
Mama's in the basement
doin' phone sex for--
395
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,117
- Phone sex.
- Eight bucks an hour.
396
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,160
Or cookin' meth.
397
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,161
Dad's in the garage
cooking up meth
398
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:03,122
calling some other woman
on the damn phone sex.
399
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:04,541
In some other basement...
400
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,835
...coming down off of meth.
401
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,505
A web of [bleep] evil.
402
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,173
It's the worst country
in the world.
403
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,265
I made up a word game.
404
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,683
I don't really wanna play.
405
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:23,851
Okay, I'll play by myself.
406
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:26,354
No, what's your game?
407
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,439
Green.
408
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,525
Fun.
409
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,860
Tack.
410
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,570
Blue.
411
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:37,241
Ways to annoy the partner
who's driving?
412
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,202
- Yeah.
- Ah. Bingo.
413
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,538
No, it's not Bingo.
It's a word game.
414
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,212
{\an8}Responding to a 9-1-1
suicide attempt.
415
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,589
{\an8}We got a jumper on the building.
416
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,425
{\an8}- Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Hold on!
- Hey, hey, hey!
417
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:59,011
What the hell are you doin'
up here, sir?
418
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,263
I'm BASE jumping, baby.
419
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,307
I got my mind set now
on the PBJs, baby.
420
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,060
Oh, well, you know what,
we got our mind set
421
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,270
on you coming off
this roof with us.
422
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,646
- Oh, no. This is nothin'.
- Okay?
423
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,357
I-I've jumped off
the-the Needle, the Sears Tower
424
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,609
the Frank Lloyd Wright House
in Highland Park, Illinois.
425
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,028
'It's a ranch house,
but it was a start.'
426
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,864
And now I'm ready to rock
this building, baby.
427
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,240
- Let's do it, let's do it!
- No, no, no.
428
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,700
- Ho, ho, ho!
- No, no, no. No.
429
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,743
- You want me to get down?
- I want you to get down--
430
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:23,369
- 'Then, let's do it, baby!'
- No, no--
431
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,288
- Whoo!
- Ho, ho!
432
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,415
- No, no! Ho!
- H-ho! Hey!
433
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,709
- Oh, God.
- Ho, ho!
434
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:35,256
. Holy [bleep]. Holy
. Holy-- We need backup.
435
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,925
Eleven-Charlie-Reno.
436
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,136
We got one, uh...
437
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,096
...DWG, Dead White Guy.
438
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:03,659
♪ So this ain't the end
I saw you again ♪
439
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,119
♪ Today ♪
440
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,664
♪ I had to hide my heart away ♪
441
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,124
♪ Uh huh ♪
442
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,417
♪ You smiled like the sun ♪
443
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:15,087
♪ Kisses for everyone ♪
444
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:15,630
♪ And tales ♪
445
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:19,508
♪ It never fails ♪
446
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:22,386
♪ I'm lying so low
in the weeds ♪
447
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,431
♪ Bet you gonna ambush me ♪
448
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:31,187
♪ You have me down down down
down on my knees ♪
449
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,649
♪ Barracuda ♪
450
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,318
♪ Oh ohhh ♪
451
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,786
{\an8}- Yeah, but we gotta study it.
- We gotta...
452
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:47,495
{\an8}We gotta get it
while it's fresh.
453
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,497
{\an8}By the time it comes out natural
454
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,499
{\an8}these boys could be all
the way in California.
455
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,333
{\an8}Yeah, if we can't check it
for prints
456
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,961
{\an8}if we can't check for trauma
457
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,796
{\an8}you're painting us
into a corner.
458
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,673
{\an8}We'll find a quiet spot
in the parking lot out there.
459
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,800
{\an8}We'll try and get it out,
we'll get you on your way.
460
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,343
{\an8}- And you'll be good, okay?
- Yeah, now...
461
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,512
{\an8}You was facing one way.
462
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,180
{\an8}- Yeah.
- Hotdog man was behind you.
463
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,014
{\an8}- Yeah.
- Yeah.
464
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,349
{\an8}Are you sure
it was just one hot dog?
465
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,977
{\an8}It was a foot long,
but it was just one.
466
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,062
{\an8}Foot long.
34087
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