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1
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,048
Alright, uh,
what we are doing today
2
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:09,425
is a sting operation.
3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:14,430
We have placed a decoy Spectra
out here, brand-new 2004.
4
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,889
It's kind of a bad neighborhood
5
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,057
and we only put about
6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,560
a shot glass worth of gasoline
in the tank.
7
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,936
'They'll get about half a
block'
8
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,229
and then we just
slap the cuffs on them.
9
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,773
What they do generally
10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,275
they take them
to the chop shop
11
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,277
'cause they can get
more for 'em like that.
12
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,904
Forty three car thefts a year.
13
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,322
- Ridiculous.
- Yeah.
14
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,450
So we're gonna
put a stop to that.
15
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,369
Um, I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
16
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,123
What?
17
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,584
Uh...
18
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:43,292
Oh, my.
19
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:46,921
'Hey, come here.'
20
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,388
Hey, no!
21
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,340
{\an8}'So, if you see'
22
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,300
{\an8}'any
of those suspicious sneakers'
23
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:34,343
{\an8}uh, just report them
immediately.
24
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,887
'Uh, last order of business.'
25
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,972
Uh, we got a letter
26
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:41,517
from the, uh,
the Kenny Rogers people.
27
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:42,851
And I guess
he's coming to town
28
00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,020
to promote this book--
Some crap like that.
29
00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:47,147
And they want some people
for a security detail.
30
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,274
Whoo! Me!
31
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,400
Please, please,
yes, sir, please.
32
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,194
- 'You, too?'
- Yes.
33
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,363
- Super. Done.
- "The gambler"!
34
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,697
"The gambler"!
35
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:58,033
"Ruby, don't take your love
to town."
36
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,368
'Who is Kenny Rogers?'
37
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:03,163
Who is--
Oh, hello? "Gambler?"
38
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:06,375
He's, like,
the white Lionel Richie.
39
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,668
'So, what we're gonna
have to do is take--'
40
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:08,919
I would say that Lionel Richie
41
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,130
is, like,
the white Lionel Richie.
42
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,090
Who's the black Lionel Richie?
43
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,550
Could everyone stop
pitter-pattering?
44
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,260
We have work to do.
45
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,344
- Talk amongst yourselves.
- 'Okay.'
46
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,346
Go. Go. Dismissed, dismissed.
47
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,514
Kenny Rogers?
"Who is Kenny Rogers?"
48
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,390
Go look out
for the "Rhinestone Cowboy."
49
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,351
Fifty six albums over there.
50
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:25,394
Is he the one
with the long braids
51
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,604
and he wears the scarf?
52
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,523
- 'Willie Nelson.'
- 'That's Willie.'
53
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,567
What are they doing
out there?
54
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:32,526
If I gave a
about Kenny Rogers
55
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,821
I would take them off of this
assignment
56
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,448
Quick draw.
Loser buys lunch?
57
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,242
Ready?
58
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,077
Go.
59
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,246
- I feel like you lost.
- I lost that one.
60
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,789
Okay, lunch is on me.
61
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,380
{\an8}Got ourselves
a narcotics search warrant here.
62
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,924
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
63
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,051
Shoot it.
64
00:02:58,052 --> 00:03:00,095
- Hi.
- Don't "Hi" me, sister.
65
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:00,971
Where's the stuff?
66
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,389
- What are you--
- Where is the stuff?
67
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,433
Where is the [bleep], sweetheart?
68
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,684
I don't know
what you're looking for.
69
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:06,935
You don't know
what we're looking for?
70
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:09,021
I don't know
what you looking for.
71
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,606
Just tell us
where the [bleep] is right now.
72
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,275
- Where's the [bleep]?
- Like manure?
73
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,319
you!
Toss the room!
74
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,739
Don't [bleep] with me.
Don't you [bleep] with me.
75
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,741
'I don't know...'
76
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,202
Tell me where the [bleep] is,
and I'll make it stop.
77
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,623
What do you do?
What do you do for a living?
78
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,459
I teach arts and crafts
to the blind and the disabled.
79
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:35,088
Bull! Bull [bleep]!
You sell junk!
80
00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:36,174
Bull [bleep]!
81
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,301
What's in here?
Am I hot or am I cold?
82
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,428
Am I hot?
83
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:49,603
- Hello.
- 'No, my cat just died!'
84
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,813
- Oh, your cat died?
- It just died!
85
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,482
Bull [bleep]!
Stop lying, stop crying.
86
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,611
- Stop crying, stop lying.
- Why are you doing that?
87
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,157
'What's in here?'
88
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,867
'Stop right now.'
89
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,244
'Tell me where it is.'
90
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,997
What do you got?
What do you got?
91
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,959
- Lady, where is the [bleep]?
- We got nothing.
92
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,543
You got nothing?
93
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,463
You made a mistake.
94
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,506
Bull [bleep]!
95
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,342
917 Keystone Avenue,
number six.
96
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,345
I'm number nine.
97
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,722
'The nail fell out.'
98
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,477
Sorry.
Have a nice day.
99
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,312
She had it coming.
100
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,897
We're looking for,
uh, number six.
101
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,357
- Number six.
- No. no.
102
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,693
No, that's number nine.
We just did that.
103
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,027
- We're looking for six.
- Alright.
104
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,281
- Seven, eight...
- Eight.
105
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,409
- Nine. Ten.
- Okay
106
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,204
Well, no,
we're looking for six.
107
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,539
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
108
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,708
- !
- Okay.
109
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,502
- Pull this way.
- Here we go.
110
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,504
- Ahh, [bleep]!
- It's still open.
111
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,214
- Okay.
- Freeze, lady!
112
00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,593
Drop the [bleep]!
Drop the [bleep]! [bleep] it!
113
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,351
There he is.
114
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:14,062
{\an8}My God, my God.
115
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,856
{\an8}How you doing, Mr. Rogers?
Pleasure to meet you.
116
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,941
{\an8}I'm James Garcia,
Reno Sheriff's Department.
117
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,568
{\an8}- Nice to meet you.
- Well, it's nice to meet you.
118
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,236
Boy, when they gave us
this assignment
119
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:22,571
I jumped up and said... you know
120
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,531
"The excitement's in the playing
the cards, not the watching,"
121
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:28,035
Like in "Gambler IV,"
Brady Hawkes.
122
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:28,910
Hey,
I want you to meet my partner.
123
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:31,455
{\an8}- This is Deputy Wiegel.
- Deputy Wiegel.
124
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,082
{\an8}- A pleasure, sir.
- Okay.
125
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,417
{\an8}We're gonna be providing
security.
126
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,252
What is all of this?
127
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,254
- I'm your decoy, sir.
- Decoy, sir.
128
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,298
- Decoy.
- Yeah.
129
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,550
We're gonna be providing
security to and from the event
130
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,593
at the event itself.
131
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,803
Okay, well,
let's go to the limo.
132
00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:49,264
Actually, sir,
the limo's for the decoy.
133
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,932
They would be expecting
you to arrive in a limo
134
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:51,850
so I'm gonna arrive
in the limo.
135
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,728
We will be taking
an alternate route.
136
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:58,524
Thank you, partner.
137
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:00,609
Thank you.
138
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,154
Oh-ho!
Well, there.
139
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,989
Oh, Lordy.
140
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,616
Alright, Mr. Rogers,
right this way, if you could.
141
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,410
Just put on this coat.
Checkpoint one, we're clear.
142
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:11,453
We're go. We're coming in.
The gambler is coming in.
143
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,579
Sir, back off.
144
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,796
{\an8}Can't believe I'm in a...
145
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,590
{\an8}...Holy squad car
with Brady Hawkes. Wow.
146
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,759
{\an8}- Big fan of you--
- Brady Hawkes, huh.
147
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,636
Oh, so you do know.
That's good.
148
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,929
You know, I'd like to say
149
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,098
I'm a big fan
of all your movies.
150
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,476
Hey, truth be told,
I think you're a great actor...
151
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,769
Well, thanks.
152
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,687
I kind of like your movies
more than I do your singing.
153
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:40,315
Really?
That gives me confidence
154
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,609
to get out there
and maybe act some more.
155
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,777
I think you should.
I really think you should.
156
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:48,156
Time to leave that other,
you now, singing stuff behind...
157
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,158
Oh, you mean don't sing at all?
158
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,701
Yeah, I think
it's time to move on.
159
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,247
I could see you getting
up there and winning an Oscar...
160
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,624
Don't sing at all?
161
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,459
Well, you know,
give it a rest a little bit.
162
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,502
Well, if it's all the same
163
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,505
I'd like to kind of get there
as soon as possible
164
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,716
because...
I have some things I need to do.
165
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:10,512
We're on schedule, we got about
another hour and a half.
166
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,888
To drive?
167
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,275
I wrote a song, by the way...
168
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,152
You're not gonna
sing this for me?
169
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,236
It goes, like...
170
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,655
♪ Woman
I'm your man on a horse ♪
171
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:32,409
♪ And I know you love me ♪
172
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,077
♪ Woman I will... ♪
173
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,371
So...
174
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,207
Do you notice
any similarities
175
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:42,252
to Lionel Richie's song
"Lady" there?
176
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,546
No. Woman, I'm your man
on a shining horse--
177
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:47,424
"Lady, I'm your knight
in shining armor
178
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:47,924
and I love you."
179
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:50,051
"Woman, I'm your man
180
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,179
I'm on a horse,
and I love you."
181
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,055
- I mean, I think--
- I said, "you love me."
182
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,850
Oh, well, that does put it in
a different place, doesn't it?
183
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:57,809
I mean, there's a chance--
184
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,105
Do you know what the word
"plagiarism" means?
185
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,193
It has nothing to do with a flag
I'll tell you that right now.
186
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,570
{\an8}'Oh, mama, please!'
187
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,780
{\an8}Please talk to daddy!
188
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:15,118
{\an8}I love ebay,
and I want to marry him.
189
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:19,372
♪ Oh Lord James
listen to the girl ♪
190
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,583
♪ Her heart is breaking ♪
191
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,753
"Florida, that girl
ain't marrying no ebay."
192
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:32,093
I need another puppet
to be J.J.
193
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:33,762
You know, Dynomite!
194
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,723
I need a...
195
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,767
Let me see your sock.
196
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,688
Dynomite!
197
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,324
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
198
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,787
{\an8}Sheriff's... Department.
199
00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:01,665
Sheriff's Department!
200
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,250
What the hell is that?
201
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,293
- Sheriff's Department!
- Shut the hell up.
202
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,420
Now, what the hell's going on
in here?
203
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,214
Why don't you tell them
what the bet is?
204
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,966
You'll see
why I'm in this situation.
205
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,009
It's a really good shot.
Watch.
206
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,302
Hit it to the 11
207
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:15,845
hit both the blue ball
and the stripy blue ball.
208
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:19,808
It's gonna hit the 1,
to the 7, hit the red 3
209
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,477
all the way into
the middle pocket right there.
210
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:23,645
Bam, right there!
That's it.
211
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,314
It's a joke.
It's a joke shot.
212
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,650
- Yeah, shut up.
- Shut up.
213
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,151
- Travis. Sidebar.
- Do it.
214
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:33,822
Shut up and shut up.
Sidebar, Travis.
215
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:34,740
What do you mean
when you said "sidebar?"
216
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,160
- Come over here by the side.
- Oh, oh, oh.
217
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,121
- I have my bank card.
- I got a bank card.
218
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,290
- Atm's right there.
- Think she'll take our money?
219
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,667
What she gonna do?
Turn away money?
220
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:47,460
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let's do it.
221
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,213
My partner and I
happen to have cash money
222
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,756
and would love nothing more
in the world
223
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,758
than to see you perform the shot
224
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:57,512
with the stripy
and the 3 in the middle pocket.
225
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:58,889
I'm waiting in bated breath.
226
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,603
- Ohh!
- Ow!
227
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,856
Come on, baby, come on!
228
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,989
{\an8}- Good morning.
- Morning, sunshine.
229
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,659
Is that you? Come here.
Let me in, man.
230
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,494
What you doing out here?
231
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,204
Well, maybe you guys
can actually help me.
232
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,081
My fraternity brothers
locked me out.
233
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:27,709
I passed out, and I woke up,
and the door is locked.
234
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,378
'You been drinking?'
235
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,548
- N-- Last night, yeah.
- Yeah.
236
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:33,841
I passed out.
237
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,013
Open your mouth, please.
238
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,556
You got anything inserted
in there?
239
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,432
No, no.
240
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,767
Do you guys want a beer
or anything?
241
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,394
Go for it.
242
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:46,978
- Go for it.
- Okay.
243
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,190
Excuse me for one second.
244
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,442
'Yes.'
245
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:53,777
- 'Mmm.'
- Empty.
246
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:57,238
You are gonna
have to come with us.
247
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,740
Your friends not lettin' you in,
all this hollering and screaming
248
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:02,243
you're doing out here...
Unacceptable.
249
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,371
Get you some breakfast
250
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:04,996
take some pictures of you
251
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,249
to make sure you're okay.
252
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,919
Is it breezy to you guys?
253
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,338
- No, I'm good.
- No, it's not breezy.
254
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,756
But I am hungry.
255
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:24,724
{\an8}I like that one scene...
256
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,809
{\an8}...when you get--
257
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:30,438
{\an8}The Pinkertons think
you're in the whorehouse
258
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,607
at Franny Parson's.
259
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:35,110
- Where?
- Franny Parson's place.
260
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:38,571
Inside the whorehouse
with the whores.
261
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:39,322
How many hours a day
do you work?
262
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:42,617
Is that all you do
is watch movies?
263
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,453
Oh, I do know this.
I read it on your website.
264
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:48,790
I'll do the last line
in "Gambler V"
265
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:49,916
when she says,
"Is he gone?"
266
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:53,670
you say, "Nobody's gone
until they're forgotten."
267
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:54,212
- "Until they're forgotten."
- That's right.
268
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:58,133
It will be a long time
269
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,802
before I forget you, Garcia.
270
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:04,097
I'll never forget Brady Hawkes,
especially in "Gambler V."
271
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,808
Oh, God.
Please, God.
272
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,232
{\an8}Yeah, Wiegel, this is Garcia.
Where the hell are you?
273
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,484
{\an8}'I think I'm in a shoe store.'
274
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:19,446
Okay, the guys have
referee shirts on them?
275
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,989
'Um, yes.'
276
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,491
'I think I'm lost, and
I'm freaking out a little bit.'
277
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,868
If you look to your right
there should be
278
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,995
that orange Julius
in a food court.
279
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,497
Head towards the food court.
280
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,207
'Jim, there's a dancing pretzel
up here'
281
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,333
'you have got to see.'
282
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,043
'It's a guy
dressed as a pretzel'
283
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:36,671
'and he's dancing--
Yes, thank you.'
284
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,840
'He's giving
free samples of pretzels.'
285
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,176
That's nice, Wiegel.
I can't leave Kenny alone.
286
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,385
I've got to stay here, okay
287
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,471
so say "hello"
to Mr. Pretzel for me
288
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,305
and come down the escalator.
289
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,056
'Okay,
I'm coming down the escalator.'
290
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:49,851
- Oh, God.
- Jesus Christ.
291
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,896
I got mixed up around
the up and down escalator.
292
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,856
Yeah, down goes down
and up goes up--
293
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,191
And up goes up.
I know that now.
294
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,234
I don't know how much he told
you about what just happened.
295
00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:58,860
I got caught up
on the third floor
296
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,196
in the Jan's Jewelers.
297
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,989
The next thing I know,
I'm all turned around.
298
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,073
I have total dysplasia.
299
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:08,077
- So confused.
- That's frightening.
300
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,746
I'm okay, though.
We're all here.
301
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:10,914
We're all okay.
It's all okay.
302
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,875
There is a guy
up there dressed like a pretzel
303
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,960
that you...
you really should see.
304
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,046
You can go up there.
I don't know how he does it.
305
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,048
He's in a foam costume,
this guy.
306
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,384
He's got his face coming out
like a piece of salt
307
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,179
and his arms must be wrapped in
some kind of crazy concoction.
308
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,680
And somehow still
he's able to give out
309
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,557
samples of pretzels like this.
310
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:32,352
He's a good guy. He also plays
Santa Claus in Christmas time.
311
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,020
He doubles up. Same guy.
312
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:34,938
You could go up there,
take a picture with him
313
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,065
for a buck if you want.
314
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,107
Will they charge us $3
if we all go?
315
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:41,611
- I don't know.
- 'Well, you're Kenny Rogers.'
316
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,862
I don't have any money.
317
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:43,905
Yeah, but I don't like
to throw that around.
318
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,907
I'd just as soon
not say who I am.
319
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:50,245
If we go up, I'm going
as John Q. Public, okay?
320
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,540
That's a harder name to say
than Kenny Rogers.
321
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,416
Well, let's open the doors
and let them in.
322
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,585
What do you say?
323
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,879
Oh, the--
The doors are open, sir.
324
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,714
They've been open
for two hours.
325
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,424
'About two hours.'
326
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,436
911 call.
327
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,981
Oh, [bleep].
328
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,149
- We don't exactly know what...
- Hey, check it out.
329
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:23,278
Holy [bleep],
that's Gene Kennedy.
330
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,154
That's Channel Four news.
331
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,283
- Sir, hi.
- Hey.
332
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,243
You're the witness
to what happened here?
333
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,620
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was crazy, man.
334
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:34,664
I was in the strip club, right
and all of a sudden
335
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,457
I got a little headache
'cause the stripper smell--
336
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,126
The stripper smell was getting--
337
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,796
The stripper smell was getting
on my nerves, right?
338
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:42,964
I couldn't take it, right
339
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,007
so I came out here
to get some fresh air.
340
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:47,302
Next thing I know,
there was a gun, right?
341
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,637
- There was a dude.
- The dude had a gun.
342
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,097
The dude with a gun,
he was a big dude--
343
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:53,808
- Big dude.
- How big, how big, how big?
344
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:56,144
5'6", 5'7", 125.
345
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:59,314
Average to smallish
maybe then, really.
346
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,815
For little people,
he was a big dude.
347
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:03,151
To a little person, he was
a big dude. To a big person--
348
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,986
Was it a white guy,
black guy?
349
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,614
- Exactly, exactly right.
- Bi-racial?
350
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,324
- Bi...
- You know, he could be...
351
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,659
Bi... I don't...
You know, he could be.
352
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:14,662
- Could've been bi-racial.
- But it was a fast--
353
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,831
People are so mixed today,
you can't really tell.
354
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:20,168
It's like Mariah Carey.
Mariah Carey looking.
355
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,837
And then I hear this,
"Oh, I've been assaulted!
356
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,005
I've been assaulted!"
357
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,048
That's when I knew
someone had been assaulted.
358
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:28,051
Next thing I know, I hear
the stomping of the feet
359
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,512
so I'm thinking he has shoes on,
right? He has shoes.
360
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:35,475
You're thinking he has shoes on.
You're thinking.
361
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,477
And he was running,
running, running.
362
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,437
I was gonna go,
"Hey, let me stop you."
363
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,648
Let me stop him. Right?
"No, don't!"
364
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,734
Next thing I know,
someone's like
365
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:48,821
"Oh, oh, the police
are coming here."
366
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:51,491
- I think he's blind.
- He's blind, yeah.
367
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,910
And I'm telling you everything
I know.
368
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,205
It's emotional for me.
It's very hard.
369
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,001
Sir.
370
00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,253
Sir, you've been very--
This is really great.
371
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:07,674
Sir, we're gonna take your lead.
We're gonna take your lead.
372
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,550
We got all your notes.
373
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:12,679
And we are gonna hit the streets
like bats out of hell.
374
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,181
I think he went
either left or right.
375
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,225
- Right.
- One of those directions.
376
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,852
- Either left or right.
- You've been very helpful.
377
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,563
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
378
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,858
Gene's doing a live feed
to the news. Watch this.
379
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,238
Hey, Kennedy.
380
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,699
- Hey, come on.
- you.
381
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,450
you, Channel Four.
382
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:52,468
{\an8}It's done.
All perimeters are secured.
383
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,096
- So far, so good.
- Good job.
384
00:16:56,348 --> 00:17:01,602
Excuse me,
but... what is going on here?
385
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:05,231
We're-- We've got everything
locked off, you're safe.
386
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,108
Well, of course I'm safe.
There's no people here.
387
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,776
I mean, where are the people?
388
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,278
- What people?
- What-- What--
389
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,113
I'm here
for a public book signing.
390
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,449
I put up posters
all over town...
391
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,119
We took those posters down
'cause it was very dangerous.
392
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,996
Sir, you're a very famous man.
393
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,289
We didn't want anyone
to get at you.
394
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,584
Wait, wait, wait.
You took my posters down?
395
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:28,963
Yeah. I mean, that's like
a treasure map to murder.
396
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:31,132
You know what this is gonna do
to me in the community?
397
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,176
I mean, people come by
398
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:36,220
and check to see how many people
show up to these things.
399
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,306
That really kind of determines
what your stat--
400
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,599
Do you know
what this makes me--
401
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,852
This makes me
look so foolish.
402
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,187
Oh, yeah, pick up
your free [bleep] book
403
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,857
on the way out, okay?
404
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,275
- Kenny Rogers.
- Hi.
405
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:52,153
Kenny Rogers, man.
406
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:54,864
What condition is your
condition in, Kenny?
407
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,949
- It's fine.
- I love you, gambler!
408
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,163
Oh, [bleep]. Oh, Lord.
Oh, dear Lord.
409
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,164
- Kenny...
- Move back. Let him breathe.
410
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,292
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny,
are you okay?
411
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:09,504
- Kenny!
- Get me-- G-get me--
412
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,005
- He's saying something.
- I'm saying...
413
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:14,133
Get me-- Get me--
Get me mall security.
414
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:17,637
He wants mall security.
Security!
415
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,474
I need someone to protect me
from you guys.
416
00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,689
Good afternoon...
417
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,360
...and welcome
to Driver Safety School!
418
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,987
All of you scofflaws
419
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,865
have found yourself in here
420
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,117
because of your disregard
421
00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:43,830
for the law
of the State of Nevada!
422
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,874
You people make me
sick to my stomach!
423
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:50,503
You people are the reason
that our highways
424
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,799
are a tangled mess
of blood and chrome!
425
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,220
The state has decided
that you will undergo
426
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,474
eight hours
of driver safety training
427
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,559
and then
you will be given a test
428
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,729
after that eight hours
of driver safety training.
429
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,565
And for this service
430
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:14,402
we are paid $31.50...
431
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,403
...before taxes.
432
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:19,240
'We could make more at Arby's.'
433
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,408
So, what do you say
we call it a day
434
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:24,412
and we all go get some Arby's,
and then hit it, huh?
435
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,496
Okay?
436
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,916
"I'm not gonna do anything bad,"
everybody.
437
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,459
- Good. We're good. Good job.
- Good job, everybody.
438
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:39,969
{\an8}- Okay, Kenny.
- You're gonna be okay.
439
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:40,761
{\an8}You're gonna be fine.
440
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,430
{\an8}- 'Take care, sir.'
- Thanks.
441
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,808
Nice spending the day with you.
442
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:49,478
Well, that didn't, uh...
443
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,730
That didn't turn out great.
444
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,440
But you know what?
We did the best we could.
445
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:53,524
I thought so, too.
446
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,484
I thought we were cops,
and we were a team.
447
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,445
Yeah, we were a team,
and we stayed together.
448
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,780
God bless us.
We do what we could.
449
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,325
- Good job,
- Good job.
450
00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:07,664
- Did you just kiss me?
- Uh...
451
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,585
No, I was leaning in.
452
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,545
No, you leaned in,
and then you kissed me.
453
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,340
No, I was just gonna say
"good job."
454
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,343
No, I think you came at me.
So...
455
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:24,972
Did you just kiss me because
I look like Kenny Rogers?
456
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:25,349
'Or?'
457
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,768
I don't know, that's uh...
458
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,562
I can't say.
459
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,315
- That was weird.
- Yeah, yeah.
460
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,107
I'm gonna call it a day.
461
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,359
- I'm this way.
- I'm this way.
462
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,818
- Okay, I'll see you.
- I'll see you later.
463
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,706
{\an8}♪ G-D-B-A-G-F-D ♪
464
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,500
{\an8}- I took some classes, I'm not--
- Classical.
465
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,502
{\an8}- Classically trained.
- I trained.
466
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:57,213
{\an8}I trained classically.
467
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,215
{\an8}I took one Jazz dance class.
468
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,174
{\an8}- Really?
- Yes.
469
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,009
{\an8}- I did take one--
- What did you learn--
470
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:06,138
{\an8}What do you learn if you only
take one Jazz dance class?
471
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,515
{\an8}The first thing I learned?
Don't be late.
472
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,185
{\an8}'Cause the lady's very picky
about that.
473
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:14,355
{\an8}The second thing I learned, leg
warmers are apparently out now.
474
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,482
{\an8}I learned that the hard way.
35168
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