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1
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,464
Surprise!
2
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:09,258
- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!
3
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,969
Happy birthday, honey!
4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,096
Thank you!
5
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,931
It's a rifle!
6
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:16,682
'It's pointing right at me.'
7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,392
It's pointing
at right me, Trudy.
8
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,728
It's loaded too. Careful.
9
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,607
'Oh, oh! Oh, oh!'
10
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,276
- 'Oh, oh, oh, oh.'
- 'Okay.'
11
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,153
I can get it!
12
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,405
- 'Trudy...'
- I can get it!
13
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,781
Oh, she's going over the wall.
14
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,743
She's going, it's good,
it'll be a fun day for her.
15
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,411
'Happy birthday!'
16
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,459
'Come here.'
17
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,338
{\an8}Oh! Ah!
18
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,258
Wait, no!
19
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,295
{\an8}'Uh, I got this in last night.'
20
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,966
{\an8}The State of Nevada is trying
to, uh, pass a referendum
21
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:36,053
where, uh, state, and, uh,
local government employees
22
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,305
cannot have moustaches.
23
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:42,184
'Has anyone seen this?
Prop 5-5-1?'
24
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,519
- 'They're uh...'
- That is
25
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,853
I find that [bleep].
26
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,355
- 'Take away our moustaches.'
- That ain't fair.
27
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,357
They will take my moustache
28
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,609
from my cold,
dead upper lip, my friend.
29
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,694
I ain't coming into work
without a 'stache.
30
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,113
Junior, you was born
with that moustache, wasn't you?
31
00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:57,032
Hell, yeah.
It's my daddy's moustache.
32
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,242
Or he had a similar one.
33
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,910
'I don't want to work here
without a moustache.'
34
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,370
'I really don't.'
35
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,163
I don't want
to work here either.
36
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:06,167
Well, you have a very light
moustache, so lucky you.
37
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,753
It is time for a bleaching.
38
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:18,053
I see a blue pickup truck,
Robin's-egg blue.
39
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:21,390
A 1973 Dodge Laredo
with expired tags.
40
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,267
It's turning. It's pulling in.
41
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,269
'There's an orange door
with the number 27.'
42
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:30,065
And I see a sign,
it says "Sparks Self Storage."
43
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,608
'Oh, brilliant.'
44
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:34,736
'Oh, they're pulling
their energy back. That's it.'
45
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,613
'Thank you for your light and
your energy and everything...'
46
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:39,366
'Ask her if she, uh...
Ask her is she saw Elvis.'
47
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,909
'I want you to shut up.'
48
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,369
You must run
into skeptics all the time.
49
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,912
I do.
50
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,789
How long have you been looking
for evidence? Four weeks now?
51
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:46,915
- About four weeks.
- Yeah, four weeks.
52
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,125
And how many leads do you have?
53
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,585
- We got a couple.
- No, we got none.
54
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,502
You got zero.
55
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,297
'Now you have your answer.
Thank you.'
56
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:55,883
Thank you.
57
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,802
Oh, oh,
scrotal sac torn, bleeding
58
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,430
waving in the wind,
flapping, flapping.
59
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,891
You're gonna lose your left ball
before midnight tomorrow night.
60
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,226
'Oh.'
61
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,479
- Oh.
- What?
62
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,567
I'm gonna lose my what?
My, my ball?
63
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,111
Your testicle
is in great danger.
64
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,489
- Oh, my gosh.
- What?
65
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:26,413
That's [bleep], that's what it
is. I ain't scared.
66
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,331
It's not [bleep],
think positive.
67
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,791
That's [bleep], lady, [bleep].
68
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,501
Oh! Whoa!
69
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:39,468
'Oh, my God.'
70
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:47,476
{\an8}I don't believe
in, uh, psychics, per se.
71
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,145
{\an8}Uh, I did have a conversation
with my Uncle Frederick
72
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,813
{\an8}on a Ouija board once
73
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,315
uh, and he told me
where he had buried
74
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,986
uh, some old LPs and jeans.
75
00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,529
Uh, and I went and looked
76
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:03,659
and, uh, I, I hit a gas line
77
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,787
uh, at my mom's old place.
78
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,205
And the fire department came
79
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:11,375
and it was a bit of a hubbub.
80
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,837
And then I stopped contacting
the dark side, really.
81
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,716
'Uh, yeah, uh,
this is Travis Junior'
82
00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:22,344
'reportin' in from,
uh, Sparks Self Storage.'
83
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,804
'Yeah, everything's here.'
84
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:27,600
'Door 27 underneath the tarp,
all the merchandise.'
85
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,562
'That chick was right.'
86
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,942
Holy mother of God.
87
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,702
{\an8}- How you doing, father?
- How you doing?
88
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,539
{\an8}Funeral...
89
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,874
This can't happen.
She drove everybody out of here.
90
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,584
'Can you please just
take care of this, please?'
91
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,378
We'll take care of it.
Sorry about that.
92
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:56,795
'Titi!'
93
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,880
Hey, sweetheart.
94
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,341
Titi! Grab her.
95
00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,593
- Titi, slow down.
- Oh, oh!
96
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,388
Titi, we're not
doing this again, girl.
97
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,890
We're not doing this again.
98
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,017
Titi, no, oh!
99
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:10,851
Slow down, slow down.
100
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,520
- That's alright.
- Oh, I loved him!
101
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:14,563
- You loved him?
- Calm down.
102
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,565
Damn, damn, damn!
103
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,568
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay. Okay.
104
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,904
Yeah, he was good. We have
to leave though, sweetheart.
105
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,906
- We got to go.
- You scared everyone.
106
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:25,615
Oh, hold on a second.
107
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,409
He was old.
108
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,911
Oh, give me my stick!
109
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:30,620
Okay, we got
the stick down again.
110
00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,790
'Titi is in the funeral home.'
111
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,542
Titi... calm down.
112
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:39,588
I got you. I got you.
113
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,048
Okay, alright.
114
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:41,590
We got to go. We're sorry.
115
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,591
No! No!
116
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:46,553
Titi, no! Titi, stop!
117
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,638
- Titi!
- He was so good to me.
118
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:49,931
We have to take you away, okay?
119
00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,225
He was so...
Wait, wait, wait.
120
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,770
Wait, let me just pay
my last respects.
121
00:05:58,900 --> 00:05:59,984
Who is that?
122
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,742
Hi, sheriff's department.
123
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:09,618
- Oh, I didn't do anything.
- No, no, it's alright.
124
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:12,621
No, no, no, no.
Don't run, don't run.
125
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,207
Sir, I wonder if we could take
a moment of your time today.
126
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,959
The, uh, the state government
is, uh, trying to pass a bill...
127
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,504
'Oh, my God. Oh, no.'
128
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,672
Oh, no.
129
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,926
No, it's alright. Well, you can,
you can help us out.
130
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:26,885
Oh, alright,
I thought it was a bad thing.
131
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,096
What the state government
would like us to do
132
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:29,846
is they,
they're trying to require us
133
00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:33,350
to perform
our job moustache-less.
134
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,434
'Moustache-less?'
135
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,478
Yes, without
the aid of moustaches
136
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,272
and, uh, we're trying
to get 2,000 signatures
137
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,607
here on this petition.
138
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,235
Why do they don't... Why don't
they like the moustache?
139
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,319
Sir...
140
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,155
All them "bureaucrats",
they got to do something.
141
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:48,990
- I think I know why.
- Why is that?
142
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,701
'Cause you look like
gigolos with moustaches.
143
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,622
You look like
paid male companions.
144
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,293
{\an8}Well, I can sign... Do you have,
like a "maybe" column?
145
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,461
What's your name, sir?
146
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:05,048
- Larrie Plum. P-L-U-M.
- Larrie Plum.
147
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,300
Larrie Plum.
148
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,552
Uh, L-A-R-R-I-E.
149
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:12,556
I-E? Larrie with an I-E?
150
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:13,723
Yeah, same pronunciation.
151
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:17,394
Well, we had two Larrys
in the family, so they went...
152
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,689
One "Y" and one I-E
except after "C."
153
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,065
Initial next to
your signature there.
154
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:25,360
Sure. Uh, what am I signing now?
155
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,570
- Thank you.
- We're good. Thank you.
156
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,030
Well, good luck to you
in your chosen field.
157
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:29,531
'What a weirdo.'
158
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,542
Jonesy's scared white.
159
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:44,212
Boy, he-he's walking around,
protecting his jewels
160
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,714
like they was worth more
than the Crown Jewels.
161
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:50,218
He's, uh, you know, uh,
he's keeping away from anything
162
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,429
that's nut-level and sharp.
163
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,723
Yeah, now, I don't mean this in
a racial way, but did you ever
164
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,391
go to the zoo
and you see that gorilla
165
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,018
that's kind of
pacing back and forth
166
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,186
and he's grabbing the tire
167
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,730
and he's about
to throw his, his, uh
168
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,898
and he's getting all nervous?
169
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:03,565
That's what
Jones looks like right now.
170
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,734
Not in a racial way.
171
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:12,449
{\an8}- 'Oh, yeah!'
- 'Okay! Okay.'
172
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,909
{\an8}'Well, it's
a very exciting day for us.'
173
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,286
'We had a little money left over
in the budget last year'
174
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,580
and we finally got ourselves
175
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,707
one of these
new fangled bomb robots
176
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,042
they're making over in Israel.
177
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:28,716
Hey, bomb robot,
have a cold one.
178
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,845
Yes, delicious human beer.
179
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,430
'Beer for robot.'
180
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:36,890
'Can he do a toast?'
181
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,975
'Beer for my robot homies.'
182
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,770
- 'Oh-oh.'
- Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-da.
183
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,606
Go, robot, robot.
184
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,775
Danger.
Danger, Will Robinson, danger.
185
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,611
Oh! Ohh!
186
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,122
'Sorry. I didn't
do it on purpose!'
187
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,625
- 'You did it on purpose!'
- I did not do it on purpose!
188
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,418
'You know
what the psychic said!'
189
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:06,628
- I didn't do it on purpose.
- 'Aah, get it away from me!'
190
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,797
No one understands!
191
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,716
'Oh.'
192
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,135
Oh, man.
193
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:17,639
Come here, Jonesy.
194
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,099
Of course, I did it on purpose
195
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,767
but it didn't
look like I was looking.
196
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:28,650
Oh, man, look at this.
197
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,110
'This breaks my heart.'
198
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,613
'Broad daylight, in the middle
of broad daylight.'
199
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,991
What have we told you
about this neighborhood?
200
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,158
They got neighborhood watch.
201
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,452
'They call us
every time you're out here.'
202
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:40,954
'What do you think
we stopped for?'
203
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,707
Probab... Okay, okay,
just, alright, listen.
204
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:47,168
I just, just want you
to know that, um
205
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:48,670
I was, I was
talking to those ladies
206
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,005
and I don't know exactly--
207
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,214
They were hookers.
208
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,174
I assumed that, um,
that they were hookers
209
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,175
but I, I want you
to know my reasoning.
210
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,344
Yeah, I think you were
right in that assumption.
211
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,846
Well, just so you know,
okay, it's-it's my birthday.
212
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,306
You think
your birthday gives you
213
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,224
'special license
to break the law?'
214
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,642
No, I just, you know
215
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,437
never with a woman,
I've never...
216
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,651
I've never...
217
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:12,652
...made it...
218
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:13,821
...sweet.
219
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,198
You've never gotten laid.
What's the big deal?
220
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,366
'Yeah, still a virgin.'
221
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,409
Does your mom know you're here?
222
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,036
Well, yeah, well, actually...
223
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,787
Right, yeah,
actually that's, that's her.
224
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,874
- Hi!
- 'Hi, ma.'
225
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,208
'With the video camera, yeah.'
226
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,169
How much money you got on you?
227
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,922
Well, my mom kinda
gave me a blank, blank check
228
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,716
so I guess it's...
229
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,343
damn.
230
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,928
- Will you adopt me?
- 'Yeah, no kidding.'
231
00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,013
- 'No kidding.'
- 'I'm just kidding.'
232
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,391
You was talking to the,
to the kind of juggy sister.
233
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:44,517
Is that what you're looking for?
234
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,728
You're looking
for kind of a big kinda
235
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,521
African Queen?
236
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:52,901
I'm thinking about, I'm thinking
about a Jewish woman.
237
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,528
- You sure?
- 'There's, uh...'
238
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:57,572
'There's a real great...
You're about two blocks away'
239
00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,741
from a brothel that's
all Japanese, all Japanese.
240
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:03,078
All Japanese?
You're... It's enticing.
241
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,913
I just... I think that...
242
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:08,083
I think that I should
probably start Jewish
243
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,377
and then maybe work my way...
244
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,880
- We'll do him right!
- A Jewish brothel.
245
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,340
You're right, they have them.
246
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,718
Do you want Jewish or is that
your mom who wants that?
247
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:20,220
{\an8}Take me to the all Asian.
248
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,971
All Asian place, yeah.
You got it, you got it.
249
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,766
We're going to the burnin' bush.
250
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,976
You're gonna go out to, uh,
to Virginia and make a left.
251
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,938
Just follow us.
252
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:30,855
We'll lose her. We'll lose her.
253
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,483
I'll, uh,
I'll get around this corner
254
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,111
{\an8}and there is no way
that soccer mom van
255
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,821
{\an8}can keep up with a crown vic.
256
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,781
Awesome. Whoo-hoo!
257
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:46,788
{\an8}I don't want to see
what Garcia looks
258
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:47,914
{\an8}like without a moustache.
259
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,999
{\an8}I don't want to see
what Junior looks like.
260
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,001
{\an8}Dangle, you can kind of
261
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,253
{\an8}already see what he looks like.
262
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,004
- I agree.
- He probably looks okay.
263
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:56,506
I'm with you.
264
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,133
But Junior...
265
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:01,219
I think Junior
may be hiding a harelip.
266
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:01,970
That's what
I was trying to say.
267
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,139
I forgot that's
what they call it
268
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,141
like when your lip is up
like that.
269
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:06,975
- Harelip.
- Harelip.
270
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,977
Look at this.
271
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,187
Harelip, harelip.
272
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,982
- Harelip.
- Harelip.
273
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,275
I can't do it.
274
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,819
- Harelip.
- Harelip.
275
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:18,820
- I got a harelip.
- I got a harelip.
276
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,489
I don't want
to shave my moustache.
277
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:24,159
Harelips, 10 cents.
Harelips.
278
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,161
Can you sign my petition?
279
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,787
Brother, can you spare
a harelip?
280
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,832
The sheriff's department
is trying to take away
281
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,667
our moustaches as deputies
282
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,335
and we're getting
a petition together
283
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,004
to see if we can hold
onto 'em for a little while
284
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:40,675
so if you wouldn't mind putting
your, uh... John Henry on there
285
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,010
you'd do us, uh, a big favor.
286
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,679
Wait, what?
287
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,181
We want you
to sign this petition.
288
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,348
We're trying
to keep our moustaches.
289
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:48,516
They're trying
to take them away.
290
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,935
If you could just, uh, put
your old John Williams on there
291
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,896
that'd really, uh,
give us a good--
292
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,189
I don't get it.
Well, there...
293
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,815
This doesn't make
any sense, kind of.
294
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,150
- Yeah, yeah.
- That's what we think, too.
295
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,359
- It's ridiculous.
- We think the same thing.
296
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,278
- It's just completely stupid.
- Yeah.
297
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,363
I don't, I don't necessarily...
298
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,407
I mean, you guys look like
a bunch of a butt darts.
299
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,867
I think it'd be a...
300
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,035
What, what, what, what?
We look like "butt darts?"
301
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:20,381
How you doing today, sir?
302
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,342
'Muy buena.'
303
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,512
Muy buena, gonna need to have
you step out of the car for me.
304
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,601
Y-y-yes. Si.
305
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:35,230
You step out
of the car for me.
306
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,067
- Cabeza, head.
- 'Cabeza. Cabeza.'
307
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:42,737
You, hands on your head,
down on your knees. Do it.
308
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:45,198
Comprende? Do you...
309
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,916
{\an8}Got a 9-1-1 call,
domestic disturbance.
310
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,252
{\an8}- Here we are.
- Oh.
311
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,295
- 'Sheriff's department!'
- 'Sheriff's department!'
312
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:00,755
- 'You kinda lost--'
- Right here, this way.
313
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,090
- What's going on, ma'am?
- It's my brother.
314
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,092
He said he's gonna
rip my baby's head off.
315
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,176
the baby is there.
316
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,094
Get out of the... Get...
Come out! Come out!
317
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,263
- Come out with the baby!
- Drop that baby!
318
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,640
- Come out with the baby!
- Drop that baby.
319
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,141
- I'll pop it right [bleep] off!
- Sir.
320
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,810
- I'll pop it right off!
- 'Step out!'
321
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,811
It's a squeaky baby.
322
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,104
- Are you her husband?
- No--
323
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,940
- Give her the squeaky baby.
- Give her the squeaky baby.
324
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,608
'Don't throw it!'
325
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:21,192
Are you...
You are not her husband?
326
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,862
No, I'm-I'm her brother.
327
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,615
He's my brother, and he won't
let me go out on dates.
328
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,993
But I need to find
a proper daddy for my baby.
329
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,661
Now, you got
two choices right here.
330
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,288
'You got two choices.'
331
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,916
You can apologize,
or you can go to jail.
332
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,793
I'm sorry.
333
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:39,961
Really?
334
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:40,587
- Yeah, look at me.
- No.
335
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:41,212
- Look at me.
- Can't.
336
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,383
- Look at me.
- Fine.
337
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,303
- I'm sorry, alright?
- Okay.
338
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,679
- That's nice.
- I'm sorry, too.
339
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,306
- Okay.
- That's nice.
340
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,640
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
341
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,100
- I love you.
- I know I love you, too.
342
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,351
- I love you.
- 'No!'
343
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:58,187
- Hey! Stop it.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
344
00:14:58,188 --> 00:14:59,939
Where does it say
I can't French my sister?
345
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,649
I don't know for a fact
that it says that
346
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:02,692
but I'm saying it right now.
347
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,943
'Don't worry.'
348
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,112
'So, now you're making up
laws.'
349
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,155
'No! No. [bleep].'
350
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,282
'Do not make out!'
351
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,700
'Do not hump.
Do not dry-hump.'
352
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:11,242
Do not dry-hump
in this vehicle.
353
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:14,621
No, no, no, no, no!
354
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,127
{\an8}Not only do I not believe
355
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:27,300
{\an8}that Jones is gonna lose his
balls in, in some weird accident
356
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:28,509
but I don't even believe
357
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,219
and I know you say you
were there and you saw it.
358
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:33,848
I don't even believe that
the psychic ever even said that.
359
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,017
What I think is that, once again
360
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,227
this is another
attempt by Jones
361
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:42,190
to have everyone
focusing on his balls.
362
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,526
And I'm not gonna fall for it.
363
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,278
{\an8}Reno Sheriff's Department!
Open up!
364
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,990
{\an8}Sheriff's department!
Open up!
365
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,033
{\an8}'Wrong house!'
366
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,202
- No, it isn't!
- Open up, sir.
367
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,662
Open the damn door.
368
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,873
'You'll don't, you don't
come in here, I got a dog!'
369
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,876
We don't give a [bleep] damn
about no damn dog!
370
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,086
Open up the damn door!
371
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,879
Sir, we're coming in!
Open this door!
372
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,049
- 'I ain't opening nothing!'
- Do it, Jones, do it.
373
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:11,260
Oh, my God!
374
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,304
Oh, [bleep].
375
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:22,438
{\an8}Okay, people,
for five points.
376
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:25,442
{\an8}On your motor-vehicle
safety exam.
377
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,737
- It's a movie.
- 'Three words.'
378
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,323
Men in a... Oh.
379
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:33,908
- Three...
- Third word.
380
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,077
Third word.
381
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,705
Bananas.
382
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,872
- Bananas.
- Bananas!
383
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:40,623
"Let's Go Bananas!"
"Let's Go Bananas!"
384
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:44,377
Woody Allen's "Bananas."
The thi...
385
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,420
'Get out of here.'
386
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,421
'Flies, flies.'
387
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,256
'Shoo. Shoo fly.'
388
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,424
'Kill.'
389
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:50,133
'Bugs.'
390
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,594
- Flies.
- Flies.
391
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,595
- 'Bee.'
- Bee, bee.
392
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,598
'"Be My Banana."'
393
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,267
'Penis guy.'
394
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,061
'Penis guy Jones.'
395
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,312
Over. No.
396
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,273
- It's not "Penis Guy Jones."
- I get, I got very excited.
397
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,275
You're not supposed
to be guessing.
398
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,155
We need members of the community
to help us out
399
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,322
by signing this petition.
400
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,116
If you'd sign it tonight
401
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,826
that'll let us
keep our moustaches
402
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,119
which will let us
keep you safe
403
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,414
so we'd appreciate
your signatures tonight.
404
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,291
- Okay.
- 'Fantastic.'
405
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:28,046
Um... can we, uh
406
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,964
sign our character names?
407
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,007
- Sure.
- Yeah, go ahead.
408
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,889
'First syllable.'
409
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,348
Her... Herbie.
410
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:40,349
"Herbie And The Bananas!"
411
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:43,978
"Herbie Goes Bananas."
"Herbie Goes Bananas!"
412
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,188
- Nice.
- Five.
413
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,983
Okay, we only got six...
414
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,943
Six and a half more hours
of this, people.
415
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,165
What's our opinion on the
department banning moustaches?
416
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,625
'Check out the action on
these.'
417
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,335
You can't tell whether
I'm smiling or I'm angry
418
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,836
when I do that, hmm?
419
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,379
Poker face.
420
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,839
Yeah.
421
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,091
- I think you're gonna--
- Am I going for my gun?
422
00:18:14,092 --> 00:18:17,303
My lip's not telling you.
Uh-uh.
423
00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:18,304
Where am I going in my kill
window? Hm?
424
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,181
Gun, base, cuffs?
425
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,350
Am I gonna hug you,
or am I gonna choke you out?
426
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,560
This ain't sayin'.
427
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,855
And with this, forget it.
428
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,233
'He could bluff me
with a, a two.'
429
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,194
- Am I mad at you?
- I'm folding right now.
430
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,364
Am I about to help you
find the Arby's?
431
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:37,532
{\an8}You don't know.
432
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:49,002
I'll say I, uh,
admire your conviction.
433
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,091
Turning in your badge and gun.
434
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:03,183
Keeps them, uh, wild dogs
away from you, huh?
435
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,687
Past midnight.
I got my ball.
436
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:08,479
I got all my balls.
437
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,398
Hey, Jones, that clock's
fast, buddy.
438
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,567
- It's 11:58.
- He's right.
439
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,569
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, oh.
440
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,904
Oh, I'm, I'm so...
441
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:21,409
Okay, i-ice! Ice, ice, ice.
Get ice.
442
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,326
'I'm just gonna put
some pressure on, okay?'
443
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,079
'Ow! No, don't!'
444
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,956
- I'm just applying pressure.
- 'Argh!'
445
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,249
'He's trying to help you.'
446
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,960
'I'm trying to help you.'
447
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,421
'Dangle, I think you're gonna
n-need to go get ice'
448
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:34,589
'if you're gonna ice that.'
449
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,049
'Jim, Jim, let go of it!'
450
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,763
{\an8}'Uh, kind of good news, gang.'
451
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,265
{\an8}'They got our petition.'
452
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:49,270
{\an8}But now for some reason
moustaches are mandatory.
453
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,479
{\an8}'What?'
454
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:55,568
{\an8}Jim, does that mean, uh,
the women, too?
455
00:19:55,569 --> 00:20:00,197
{\an8}It doesn't specify,
but it says mandatory.
456
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:01,449
{\an8}This is the scissors they have.
457
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,409
{\an8}I use it to cut my shirt
458
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:06,829
{\an8}because my other shirt
was too big and it was gross.
459
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:07,455
{\an8}Hi.
460
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:10,583
{\an8}Morning.
Scissors.
461
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,626
{\an8}Not supposed
to touch these, Terry.
462
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,669
{\an8}I didn't touch it.
463
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,129
{\an8}I didn't know.
464
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,848
Hey, gang,
how's everybody feeling?
465
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,099
'Not so good, I heard.'
466
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,978
But the Deputy Jimbo One-man
Band is here to cheer you up.
467
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,981
♪ My gal is a highborn lady ♪
468
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:36,776
♪ She's black
but she ain't too shady ♪
469
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:40,029
♪ Pretty as a peacock
just as gay ♪
470
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,156
♪ She's not colored
she was born that way ♪
471
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:44,450
♪ Oh I'm proud
of my Black Venus ♪
472
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:48,329
♪ No
can come between us ♪
473
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,330
- Okay.
- That's right.
474
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,624
I think that's enough.
475
00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:02,677
'Movie. Tell them...'
476
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:03,512
Wait, hold on a second.
I have to count.
477
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:07,682
'Sound it out in your head.'
478
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,350
Shh!
479
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:09,684
- Movie.
- Movie!
480
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,561
Okay. Shh.
481
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,147
- Three words. Tell me...
- On-one word?
482
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,566
It took you that long
to count one word?
483
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:18,651
- Three words.
- Three words.
484
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:19,735
First word.
485
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:23,322
You're mo-mouthing it out.
"Fast And The Furious."
486
00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:24,240
Whoo!
487
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,701
You mouthed it out.
You sa... You mouthed...
488
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:27,828
Whoo, whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo!
35171
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