Original subtitles

Today the Reno sheriff's department

is testing out a new

high-tech bulletproof vest

which is designed to protect us during altercations.

This one could pretty much stop a Mack truck if it had to.

Okay.

Ready?

Steady.

- Oh... - 'Oh, [bleep].'

- 'Hey' - 'Come here.'

Oh! Ah, ahh!

- Up! - Oh!

♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪

'Morning, gang.'

Everybody, remembers how the Reverend Lacarpe

from Channel 38's "Half Hour of Power"

wanted to come by the station?

- Oh, yes. - Yes.

He's here.

'Jones is giving him a tour right now.'

So, uh, best behavior.

You know and... no swearing.

No swearing?

Maybe. While the reverend's here?

- 'Off course not.' - 'Good idea.'

- Get it out now. - How about get it out [bleep]?

.

.

Balls.

Reverend Lacarpe is amazing.

That man is the closest thing

you ever gonna get to Jesus on this side of heaven.

I watch Reverend Lacarpe's show every week.

I love that boy.

Next to that weird, kind of Indian-lookin' fellow

with the Nehru jacket

who dances the devil out of people on that show

I think he's the best televangelist there is.

You watch his show?

I'd rather, watch cats eat their own [bleep].

- Reverend Lacarpe, everyone. - 'Wow!'

Bless you all. Bless you, each and every one of you.

It's a joy to see you! Happy. How are you?

- What's your name? - Travis Junior.

- Bless you, Travis. Come here. - Thank you. Thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you so much.

Clementine?

- Clementine. - Hello.

Come here, baby. How are you doin'?

Oh, your highlights look really good.

Oh, yours, too!

- Well, I'm Trudy. - Hi, Trudy.

I'll be up here now.

I'm gonna talk to you a little bit if you don't mind.

'Thanks for invitin' me.'

Ten years ago...

I was a sinner.

I sinned, and I was caught, and I was incarcerated.

- In this very jail. - No.

- Yes. - Here?

Even though I didn't get my one phone call

'and I don't know why'

'still to this day I'm wondering that.'

God called me.

And I answered because I was home.

- 'Come on, now!' - Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

He told me he wants me to be his messenger.

Go out and be his tool

and I vowed right then I would go out

and be the biggest tool I could be for Jesus!

- Tool for Jesus. - Tool for Jesus.

Two nights ago, God spoke to me again.

And he said, "Gigg, bring it full circle."

He said, "Gigg, take it back to the Genesis.

"Go back to where it all began and broadcast

"a special 'Half Hour of Power' show from that jail

"so you can save some souls

'in the same cell that you were saved!"'

- When did he say to do it? - He said, as soon as possible.

- You know, I'm ready now. - How's Friday?

Friday's fine. Friday's absolutely fine.

Good to see you all.

- A pleasure. - Pleasure to meet you.

God and Jesus. And baby Jesus, too.

Bless you back!

- Bless you back. - Thank you!

Bless you back.

There ain't nobody in that cell.

It's empty. It's been empty for two days.

Yeah. We gotta, we gotta round up some perps ASAP.

Ladies, you wanna be in charge of that?

- Okay. - Okay.

'Nobody weird looking. Nobody skeevy.'

No goiters and stabbers or anything.

Right, no skeevy goiter stabbers.

'Right.'

We should probably just go down to hooker heaven and...

And, there's gotta be some girls down--

Is that that new bagel place?

Hooker heaven?

- I hear you. I'm not deaf. - No.

- No. - Tell me where to go then.

There are not bagels there.

- Just keep going straight. - Where the hookers hang out.

Why can't you just speak English?

See, now they're trying to leave.

- Ho, ho, ho! - Hey! Right there!

Ladies!

- Hello. - How you doin'?

Listen, um, can you do me a favor?

- Do you speak English? - Speak English.

Okay. That's a good start.

- Would you repeat after me? - Mm-hmm.

- Thank you, Jesus. - "Thank you, Jesus."

That's a little...

- I think she's doing good. - "A soul train."

- "Thank you, Jesus!" - Jesus is up there.

- Thank you, Jesus! - Wow.

- That's getting better. - That was good.

I'm buying it.

- Yeah, you're good at that. - 'Yeah.'

Alright!

- Okay. - Alright, thanks.

You know the drill.

Congratulations. You're under arrest.

- Get in the car. - All of that. All of that.

So I figure we can just maybe put her in a wheelchair.

- In a pinch, we can do that. - That's a good idea.

You're always thinking, Trudy.

- Everybody loves a cripple. - Yep.

- Hey... - Howdy.

- How you doin', Jimmy Jam? - Good, buddy.

- Good to see you. - Now, listen...

- Hello, officer. - Yeah.

- Nice to see you. - I'm good. How you doin'?

I'm fine. Thank you for comin' out today.

- We need to take the sign down. - We gotta take it down.

You know, more than just to take the sign down

we have to take the power of that word down.

Because that word...

- Free lemonade for [bleep]. - Yo, yo, yo.

- No, do not yell into that. - Hold, hold on.

We're gonna change it around. We're puttin'--

Right now, is a giant lemon.

It's a giant, yellow, sour lemon

but when you put it inside the sweet ice

the delicious, fresh water

and the pure crystallized sugar of love

that's what we're doin'.

And we're makin' into lemonade.

- Free lemonade for [bleep]. - No.

No more horn. I'm tired of this damn horn.

It's done. It's done. You're done. It's over.

Racism is never over, officer.

This is about making sure that everybody knows--

What the... Oh!

If Reverend Lacarpe was busted 10 years ago

you must have been workin' here then, right?

That is correct.

I was on duty with Lieutenant Dangle at the time.

We tried to apprehend Mr. Lacarpe.

He was high on PCP.

He made a move for both of us

and he bought himself some stick time.

What do you mean?

Normal means of apprehension were at a failing point.

I found it necessary to take out my stick

and send him a message from my Lord.

Where did you deliver that message to on his person?

That would be in the head area.

As far as Revered Lacarpe goes

I am, I am very partial

to people with large teeth.

So, uh, for me... very big fan.

Those are false, of course.

His real ones, uh, went down

the toilet right here in this hall.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

Stick time, Garcia style.

I'm gonna have to rethink that, then.

Yeah. These all seem...

Everythin... These all seem fine.

Good. Good.

I was a little concerned with

what's that in the back part here called "The rider?"

I don't know all these kinds of fruits here.

There's the brassberry.

Yeah. I've never heard of that, is the thing.

I had be happy to get you fresh brassberries

except I've never heard of it.

Brassberries were actually

eaten by Noah. See, Noah...

And he would chew it for the small animals on the arc

and then... You know, spit it back into their mouth.

- To feed them like a mama bird. - It's a Brassberries.

- Brassberries. - Brassberries.

Brassberries. Can I, can I suggest...

- Make a suggestion? - Right.

- Raspberries. - Won't work.

- How about that? - Won't work.

Private security. All these private security people.

- I mean, we are, you know... - 'You are what?'

We're security people. We're armed and...

If, if you're going to protect me

who's going to protect me from you, lieutenant?

What, oh, you will? Okay.

I didn't know if you meant the Lord or you.

The last time here is gonna be a hard no.

- "A hard no?" - Yeah.

Is that like more of a no than a soft no?

- Yeah. Hardest one there is. - Or a flaccid no.

Yeah. Hardest one there is.

Or a no, that's almost there, but I drank a little too much

and I can't get the big, hard no.

Yeah, I just hit this no with my car.

Now I got $400 in damage.

It-it's a personal-appearance fee.

Now, I came in here earlier--

It's a personal-appearance fee of--

- $75,000. - No?

- No? - No

Okay. How about a case of Jack Daniel?

How about a case of Bud Light?

And done and done.

- Easy-peasy-japanesey. - Wonderful.

Okay, ma'am. So she took a swing at you, right?

Yeah.

You wanna go ahead and press charges there?

- We're gonna take her in? - Please.

- Okay. We will. - Can I ask you...

So when do you think this is going to be on?

Pardon me?

When do you think this is gonna be on?

Do you know that? Do they tell you now, or...

We don't...

We don't usually get that information.

To be truthful, it probably, it probably won't air.

Yeah, this is cutting-room-floor material

'cause it really was not very dramatic or--

What...

- Whoa. Hey. - Okay. Okay.

- Calm down. - 'Help.'

Put it back down. Put it down.

- Stop it! Stop it! - No!

- Get off me! - Okay.

- Don't hurt me! - We're not gonna hurt you.

- Don't hurt me! - 'Okay.'

Don't hurt me!

Will that get on you think?

'Turn back around. Thank you very much.'

'Number one, can you please step forward'

'and sing the first line of "Amazing Grace?"'

♪ Amazing grace how sweet the sound ♪

Sir, a little less attitude and little more reverence

for the Baby Jesus.

♪ Amazin' grace ♪

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

Like an angel.

A [bleep] men

Did you all hear that?

♪ Amazin' grace ♪

- Excellent, number two. - Excellent.

- Very good. - Excellent.

You know what I thought of? I thought of the underground

railroad when you, when you did that.

- That was really good. - That's weird.

- 'It's like--' - 'It's Trudy again.'

I thought about Harriet Tubman.

Yeah. Who ran the underground railroad.

And she also had a seat on the very first bus.

'Congratulations. You're movin' on to the next round.'

- 'Rest of you, can go home.' - 'Whoo!'

'Numbers, one and two, you're still under arrest.'

'Congratulations.'

- We did good, honey. - Yeah.

- I think-- - I'm proud of us.

'That one could be on a Christmas tree.'

Number one.

'Like he could slit your throat'

and then go sit on top of your Christmas tree.

Man, I love graffiting.

You can say that again.

Having fun?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I guess that's because

neither of your has ever had to toss anyone's salad.

Excuse me?

Graffiting is illegal and is a sure fire way

to get yourself in jail.

And trust me, when you get to jail

you're gonna have to toss some off the bigger guys' salad.

But I don't even know what tossing salads is?

Some folks say, it's worse than rape.

Some folks say better.

Keep up the graffiting and you're gonna find out.

Whatever it is, it doesn't sound fun.

So play it safe.

And if your friends ask you to do graffiting with them

tell them, no thanks, I don't like salad.

I, Deputy Raineesha Williams

keepin' it real.

Real safe.

Now, when Reverend Lacarpe was arrested

you was working here then?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- Me and Garcia pulled him in. - Really?

- Oh, yeah. - What'd he do?

Little bit of that.

Little bit of that.

Little bit of...

The hat trick.

He was doin' coke and jackin' off playin' poker?

Pretty much, yeah.

Normally we don't get calls to this part of town

'but it seems as if there was trouble'

'at one of the casino shows, so we're gonna check it out.'

- Come on down, talk to us. - That's terrible.

- What happened? - Oh, I'm so scared.

- Yeah. Okay. Okay, sir. - Okay, what happened?

All at once, just take one thing at a time.

That was...

I was in there, just a show.

Magical mystery caravan from Furya.

It was a shock.

It was finished.

All the...

I was very happy.

Honey, I can't understand you. What're you saying?

I was hit with a [indistinct].

It felt like a, like a

- Boom. - Exactly.

Okay. Okay.

'Anybody on the show speak English?'

I am the best of the speaking English in this one.

Look at me and say what I say.

Hallelujah. Can you do that?

- You? - Meleyonya.

No, Halle... Hallelujah.

- Maybe you can spell it out. - 'Let's go, Garcia.'

- Hallelujah. - 'Garcia, let's roll.'

Hallelujah.

'Garcia, you're about to get left.'

We'll be back. Okay. Hold tight.

Can't keep just waiting for it so long.

Okay. Okay.

No, I'm not a fan of Reverend Lacarpe

comin' here to tape his show.

I think it makes a mockery of where we work and what we do

as law enforcement officials.

I think he's taking advantage of the

the goodness of Dangle's heart

in order to make us look like fools.

- No. No. - And I hope he slips on vomit.

No. You already look like fools.

He's not making you look like what you already are.

Let him that hath

known himself unto thine truth

walk there in.

Huh?

That's in the Bible.

'You're watching Channel 38'

'and it's time for Reverend Lacarpe's'

'"Half Hour of Power."'

And welcome back.

I hope you enjoyed that short film

with the little babies

that need your help, so they don't be eaten.

Let's go inside and see what's inside this cell.

and who is gonna be needin' my savin'

because this is the cell

the very cell that I, well, saw the light.

God talked to me in this cell.

And who do we have here?

No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't.

No. uh...

I see that you're, you're crippled.

What sort of, of the dirt inside the mud

would ever, ever take advantage

of a crippled prostitute?

She's got to be healed.

Now, listen to me, what's your name?

She's talkin' in tongues.

On the count of three. One, two, three.

Rise over that wheel chair.

Just look at her rise. She's...

- Oh! - Yes.

This is such a special moment for me

if you're just joining us.

Again, this is the cell that I myself found God

or shall I say God found me.

I baptized myself right in that very stuff.

Stainless steel toilet.

Someone in here needs me.

Someone in here needs my saving.

Guide me now. Yes.

Yes, no, no.

Yes. Yes!

- Why it's you, Officer Garcia. - 'Hallelujah.'

- 'Hallelujah.' - 'Whoo!'

He needs savin'. But he doesn't think he does but he does.

Officer Garica.

- Say the lord. - Amen!

Now, see, I want you to stay in here

- Now listen to me, Garcia. - 'He's lost.'

I know... He's lost.

He's exactly what he is.

- 'You are lost.' - And evil.

And evil. The choir's tellin' you. What is it?

- He's a loser. - Evil and a loser.

Well, you know, what is.

I mean, you gotta be honest with you--

What don't you like about Garcia?

- He's a Mexican. - You're a Mexican.

You're, you're evil and you're a loser.

I want you to know that no matter whatever happens

I love you and God loves you.

- 'Alright.' - 'I look into your eyes.'

I look into your eyes and I know that you are

a gentleman inside.

And you relax now, with the arm.

You just relax. I want you to relax.

Because I'm gonna save you.

'You're, you're not an evil man.'

'You're not a sad man.'

You're not a stupid man and you're not ugly.

I love you and I love you with all your sins.

Just wash the sins away because you are loved.

You are loved and I'm gonna save you right now.

Look at my hand and feel my energy.

Get ready to touch my hand now.

You're going to be saved.

You're gonna be saved now.

You're gonna meet God right now.

Saving! I'm saving!

Dance with me.

I'm gonna cry.

You don't have to cry. It's okay.

- I gonna cry. - Now.

- I love you. - You love me?

- Yes, sir, I do. - You love-- Look in the camera.

- Say, you... I love. - "I love."

- Reverend. - "Reverend."

- Gigg. - "Gigg."

- Lacarpe... - "Lacarpe."

- And I'm sorry... - "And I'm sorry."

- For beatin'... - "For beatin'."

- Him. - "Him."

- In the cell. - "In the cell."

Beatin' him silly.

You, mother [bleep].

You [bleep].

You kicked the out of me.

Look at these teeth!

Look at 'em.

I [bleep] you.

rot in hell, you [bleep].

What're you gonna do now, Garcia?

What're you gonna do now?

I've nothin' you even wanna [bleep].

'[bleep].'

'You kicked the out of me.'

You [bleep].

No, he locked it.

We're probably in commer--

Commercial break.

- Oh. - Right?

Well...

He's out there flippin' us the bird right now.

- 'No, he's not. Really?' - Yeah.

- When is the new jailor get in? - 'Tuesday. Three day weekend.'

'Oh, we had to do it on a Friday.'

I got worse news for everybody.

I gotta take a number two.

- Well, you're not-- - No, no, no.

- No. - 'Hold it like the rest of us.'

- You're gonna hold it. - 'Number ones only.'

Number ones only. Number ones only.

- And the baby Jesus. - Jesus!

And the mama Jesus who rode into Bethlehem on ass back.

- All of them, Lord. - We... All of them.

Just bless them all.

Give these wonderful swift swords of your right

doin' blessed police work for you own salvation.

Give them the spirit and the emotion

and the love of your Godly life to pull off this show

without screwin' it up too much.

- Amen! - Amen!