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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,923
We got a runner. Go!
2
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,717
Freeze, sir! Freeze!
3
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,010
Hey!
4
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,097
- 'I said freeze!'
- 'Whoa!'
5
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,932
'I said freeze,
***dammit!'
6
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:17,933
- 'Ah.'
- 'Freeze!'
7
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,144
'Yeah! That's your arm, buddy.'
8
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,605
- 'Oh!'
- 'Stick time!'
9
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:29,779
- Yeah!
- Whoo! Whoo. Whoo. Whoo.
10
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,992
- Freeze!
- Freeze!
11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,285
- We got a runner!
- We got a runner!
12
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,289
'Come here!'
13
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,173
{\an8}- Up!
- Whoa.
14
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,209
{\an8}Well, uh, good morning, gang.
15
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,002
{\an8}Uh, as you all know,
we are taking part
16
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,296
{\an8}in the badges across
the water program.
17
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:32,299
Today, we have our part
of the exchange.
18
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:35,844
Uh, please welcome, all the way
from jolly old England
19
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,013
Officer Martin Smiley.
20
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:42,559
- Oh, please.
- Please, please, say hello. Go.
21
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,480
{\an8}Well, uh, as your-your boss said
here, I'm, uh, Martin Smiley.
22
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,440
{\an8}I'm from Gloucester Terrace
23
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,818
{\an8}uh, precinct there,
as you would call it.
24
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,528
And, uh... Oh.
25
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:53,570
As a, a bit
of a welcoming gift
26
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:57,366
I've-I've brought you, uh,
Connor, the constable.
27
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:02,371
And as a personal token
of my own appreciation
28
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,332
I, uh, I brought you all
a, a tin of biscuits.
29
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,376
- If you would.
- Oh.
30
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,962
Oh!
31
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:10,754
'Thank you very much.'
32
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,840
- 'Those are cookies.'
- 'Yeah.'
33
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,716
We call these cookies
here in Reno.
34
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,385
Oh. I'm sorry.
Yeah, uh, yeah...
35
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:20,723
Uh, take the lift to the flat
and eat your chips.
36
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,892
What kind of gun do you carry?
37
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,602
Oh, we don't carry guns.
38
00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:27,604
I think that would be
one of the biggest differences
39
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:31,859
between the two police forces,
as it were. And, uh...
40
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,194
- Yeah, we carry a whistle.
- 'A whistle?'
41
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,988
- And that stops crime?
- 'It does.'
42
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,032
Do you guys have crack whores
in England?
43
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:39,449
We call them crack wenches.
44
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:43,620
'A crack wench?'
45
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,960
So, uh, Inspector Smiley
will be, uh, spending the day
46
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,587
uh, with one of our
deputies here.
47
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,630
- Oh, me!
- Patrol and, uh...
48
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:54,590
Pick whoever you want.
Pick anybody.
49
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,259
I'll go with this lovely
young lady right here.
50
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,760
'That sounds,
that sounds fine.'
51
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,929
Okay. No. Pick again.
52
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,932
- 'Anyone else. Really.'
- 'Uh...'
53
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,976
I don't know,
uh, h-how about the bloke
54
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,478
'with the, uh, caterpillar
over the old chin there?'
55
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:12,191
- 'Jim Garcia.'
- Uh...
56
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:16,069
Sure. Absolutely.
Wonderful. Sure.
57
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,237
{\an8}- Yeah.
- 'Thank you.'
58
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,447
{\an8}So just take him around
and, uh...
59
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,615
{\an8}- Show you the ropes.
- 'Yeah.'
60
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:23,327
{\an8}Not all the ropes. Don't need
to go to Cracktown. Yeah.
61
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,912
We'll take it easy on you, fella.
62
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,747
Oh. Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.
63
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,457
'Nice and easy.
Nice and easy.'
64
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,792
'Cheerio.'
65
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,008
{\an8}Today we are cracking down
66
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,468
{\an8}on the massage parlors
here in Reno.
67
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,471
{\an8}We are sending in our very own
Travis Jr. undercover
68
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:46,475
with these high-tech glasses,
which have a very small camera.
69
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,810
He will infiltrate
the massage parlor
70
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,479
try to get them to perform
the sex act on him
71
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,859
'and then we will swoop in
and start makin' arrests.'
72
00:03:57,987 --> 00:04:00,614
- Okay. He's in. He's in.
- Ooh. Ooh.
73
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:03,784
Hi. You want a massage?
74
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,161
You want, uh, long time,
short time?
75
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,996
'Uh, the full,
everything you've got.'
76
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,331
'Uh, on the menu,
off the menu...'
77
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,625
- I give you everything.
- 'Everything. Alright.'
78
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,502
- Come this way.
- 'Okay. What do we do here?'
79
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,504
'This is my first time
in one of these places.'
80
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,673
First you have to take off
your clothes.
81
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,840
- Okay.
- 'Thank you.'
82
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,135
- I like your belt buckle.
- 'Yeah. That was my daddy's.'
83
00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:24,680
- It's so nice and shiny.
- 'Thank you.'
84
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,682
You have to take off
your glasses.
85
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,350
- 'Oh, I'm not supposed...'
- I take off for you.
86
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,018
- 'Ok-okay. Oh. Okay, well--'
- I take off for you.
87
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,478
- Is that the glasses?
- Oh, oh, oh. Oh, no.
88
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:34,147
- I put glasses your down here.
- Yeah.
89
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,149
- Yeah. You look cute.
- I'm very careful.
90
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,526
Go right to the super deluxe.
91
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,070
Now, I don't know if there's
some kind of special code
92
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:40,862
I'm supposed to say.
93
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,489
No, no, no.
You get whole package.
94
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:46,827
- That's all.
- Oh. Ow! Aah! Okay!
95
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,496
Oh, God! What the
96
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,040
- Is it, is it too hard?
- Ah. Ow. OW.
97
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:52,916
- Is it too hard?
- Oh. That's great.
98
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,918
- Okay.
- That's... Aah! Thank you!
99
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:56,420
- Oh. It feels so good.
- Ow! Ow!
100
00:04:56,421 --> 00:05:00,007
- Ow! Oh, God!
- Okay. I now get some lotion.
101
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,717
- Oh, ow!
- Oh, good. Thank you.
102
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:02,509
Here you go.
Just put that right there.
103
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,554
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay, okay.
104
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,431
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
105
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,227
- Aah!
- Ow! Okay, okay.
106
00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:16,064
Whee! It's so much fun!
107
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:22,029
- Is good?
- It's great.
108
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,905
And now, happy ending.
109
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,699
- Okay.
- All better?
110
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,575
- It's more relaxing?
- Yeah. It's more relaxing
111
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,244
- That's great. Okay. Ah!
- Okay.
112
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:31,038
- Aah!
- Oh. Ow.
113
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,622
- That's better, right?
- Oh.
114
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:33,957
That's so much better.
115
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,917
So I'm supposed to get
on my side, or...
116
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,920
No. You just go on the floor.
That's good. Okay.
117
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,464
Is she dancing?
She's dancing on him.
118
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,424
- 'She's not dancing.'
- She's dancing on him.
119
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,259
- Aah!
- 'Get off me! Get off me!'
120
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,762
- 'Get off me! Ah! Damn!'
- Aah!
121
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:47,763
You know, there's more.
122
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,974
No, I don't want any more.
I don't want any more.
123
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,559
- Okay.
- I don't want any more.
124
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,771
- Just one...
- Oh, no!
125
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,272
Just leave me alone!
Leave me alone.
126
00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:59,316
It's such a pleasure
to hear on you!
127
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,902
Oh, come on.
Let's get him.
128
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,653
'Travis!'
129
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:06,114
Frank, Lisa.
130
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,617
Yeah, I don't think the cops
will be here again anytime soon.
131
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,125
{\an8}Inspector Smiley...
132
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:19,003
{\an8}...makes us smiley.
133
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,797
- I think he's amazing.
- We love him.
134
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,882
{\an8}- So cute.
- He's so cute.
135
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:27,094
{\an8}I'd never had an imaginary
friend when I was a kid
136
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:31,807
{\an8}but if I did, Inspector Smiley
would be my imaginary friend.
137
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,683
He's that cool.
138
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,852
{\an8}You like, you like your job?
You...
139
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,979
{\an8}- Oh, yeah. I love my job.
- Doing what you do, don't you?
140
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:40,315
{\an8}I love my job, I love,
I love carryin' real guns
141
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:41,483
{\an8}with real bullets.
142
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:42,692
Of course, you wouldn't know
what that's about.
143
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:45,362
You guys are carrying them
slingshots around
144
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,030
with little rubber pellets.
145
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:47,989
Yeah. That's right, isn't it?
146
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,158
I guess them criminals,
if they want to
147
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:50,826
they could just pretty much
take over.
148
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,702
I feel sorry for you guys.
149
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:55,539
Well, we-we keep them
pretty much in line, you know.
150
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,290
- And, uh...
- Oh, yeah?
151
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,334
Well, the, uh...
152
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:02,671
Do you say "Excuse me,
uh, top of the morning to you
153
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,715
"but, uh, I do believe
you are breaking the law
154
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:08,677
and that is making
the queen mad?"
155
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:11,012
- And then they just run scared.
- Yeah, something like that.
156
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,097
Yeah.
157
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,557
{\an8}Got us a little speeder.
158
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,226
{\an8}Well, constable, why don't you
just sit tight right here?
159
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,186
{\an8}We're gonna show you how
we do things in Reno, Nevada.
160
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,771
Alright.
161
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,857
You, uh, don't need
any help?
162
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:22,983
No. I'll be good.
163
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,192
You sit back here
and watch it happen.
164
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,695
Alright, well, uh, actually,
I feel a bit naked, you know.
165
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,698
Uh, you've got the gun
and the club and, uh...
166
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,740
Well, I'll tell you what.
167
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,200
Why don't you hold this
flashlight?
168
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,119
You shine it on him
if he gets out of control.
169
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:34,703
- Okay?
- Alright, will do.
170
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,788
Okay.
171
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,042
How you doing today, sir?
172
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,919
'Uh, is there a problem, sir?'
173
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,839
Is there a problem? Yeah.
174
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,049
Uh, where's the fire?
175
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,552
'Was... I was...
Was I speeding?'
176
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,596
You get out of that car
right now. Get down.
177
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,222
- Who the [bleep] is this guy?
- Well, he's a--
178
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:55,140
Get the hell
out of that car!
179
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,059
- Get out of that the car!
- Oh, no! God!
180
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,603
- Get out of the car!
- Ah!
181
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,688
- Oh.
- Aah! Aah!
182
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:04,065
Come on. Get out!
Get out!
183
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,443
You speeding bastard!
184
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:09,030
You bastard speeder!
185
00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:12,574
Give us your wallet.
Let's go.
186
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,618
Give us your wallet.
187
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,828
Okay. You have
a good day now, right?
188
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:20,290
- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
189
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,125
You're welcome!
190
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,127
Well done. That's a nice
flashlight you got there.
191
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,504
- Yeah.
- I like the weight of it.
192
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:27,464
Yeah. Okay.
193
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,850
You have the right to remain
silent, if you give up the right
194
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,436
to remain silent, anything you
say can and will be...
195
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,396
I recognize you, sir.
I recognize you, officer.
196
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:44,773
You're that guy from "Reno 911!"
both of y'all.
197
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:45,815
No, he isn't.
198
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:48,068
You have the right
to an attorney.
199
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,778
- Sir?
- 'No, he isn't.'
200
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:53,448
We have no say in what they put
on that program that they shoot.
201
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:55,116
We have no say
in what these guys do, sir.
202
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,619
You make me respect
police officers.
203
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,120
You remember the time
when you tried
204
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,331
to stop that
gay man with the pretty legs?
205
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,625
- He was roller-skating.
- Terry.
206
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,627
- 'Yeah, that's-that's Terry.'
- Remember that?
207
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,879
- That was good.
- He was really on drugs.
208
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,799
They just, they cut out the part
where he was really on drugs.
209
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,842
They didn't use that.
These guys, these guys...
210
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,970
We don't get a vote at all
on what they put on.
211
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,305
You should let these officers
put on whatever they want to
212
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,183
like that time, like that time
when he helped him move
213
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,309
just cut behind down the street.
214
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,478
He was like, "I thought you
was gonna move further."
215
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,146
He was like "No, I just moved
down the street."
216
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:28,066
Then you were drinking them
margaritas and rum drinks.
217
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,651
- Y'all remember that?
- Okay.
218
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,027
You understand your rights
that were read to you?
219
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,487
I understand my rights, officer
220
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:33,989
{\an8}and it's a pleasure
to be arrested by you.
221
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,157
Thank you, you understand
that what they put on the show
222
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,784
we don't get to vote on,
they just use whatever--
223
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,995
I understand that you've been
unjustly treated
224
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,497
by the producers
of "Reno 911!"
225
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,832
The thing is that you can't
jerk *** in the elevators.
226
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,543
You can't be jerkin' ♪
in the elevator here anymore.
227
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,836
That I don't understand
so good.
228
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,712
Well, that's why
you're going to jail, okay?
229
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:49,838
Alright. Alright.
230
00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,015
{\an8}Officer Smiley is about
the nicest fellow
231
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,350
{\an8}I have ever seen or met.
232
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:06,521
He's just... cute and classy.
233
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,023
It's like, you know
234
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:11,901
if James Bond was dressed up
like a teddy bear.
235
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:15,864
{\an8}I realize I,
I, uh, you know
236
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:16,906
{\an8}overstepped my bounds
in terms of...
237
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:19,576
You were, you were
leading the arrest
238
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,037
or the speeding ticket and all.
239
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,040
And I-I just want you to know
that from now on
240
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,374
w-whatever you say goes.
241
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,876
I mean, I'm on
the straight and narrow.
242
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:32,172
'I've got a particular,
you know, uh, fire, I guess'
243
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:36,551
for the speed, for the speed,
for the speeder.
244
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,474
- 'Thank you very much.'
- 'Money.'
245
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:44,517
- It's eighteen.
- Eighteen?
246
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:45,727
It's usually $15,
but I threw in that extra.
247
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,896
Oh, that was nice of you.
248
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,565
- Welcome to America.
- Oh, thank you.
249
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,400
Yeah, appreciate that.
250
00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:58,991
{\an8}Oh, man. Oh.
251
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,327
{\an8}Look at him.
252
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,288
- 'Hello.'
- 'Reno Sheriff Department.'
253
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,749
- The who?
- Reno Sheriff's Department.
254
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,418
Oh, come on, I guess
you white folks
255
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,128
just harass black folks.
256
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:14,089
I'm not doing nothing,
but standing out here
257
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,382
trying to make a living.
258
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,758
Sir, sir, we-we're black folk.
259
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,968
- Black?
- We're-we're black.
260
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:22,722
Prove it. Prove it. Let me
hear you say "Sweet potato."
261
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:23,765
"Sweet potato."
262
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,144
"Sweet potato."
263
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:30,980
You do sound
a little white.
264
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,941
Let me hear you say
"Brother."
265
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,442
- "Brother."
- Go ahead!
266
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:35,693
Right.
267
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,278
What are you doing
with this white partner?
268
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,406
- "Brother."
- No, he...
269
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,949
What are you doing
with this redneck?
270
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,284
We didn't-we didn't come to give
you any money, but we came
271
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,120
'to help you get your pants up,
your pants are down.'
272
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,454
My pants?
What do you mean pan...
273
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,331
I put my pants on
when I left home this morning.
274
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:49,916
- My pants is on.
- Yeah, but they're down.
275
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,544
No, they're down right now.
Well, they're down right now.
276
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,295
That's what that breeze
is I was feeling.
277
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,922
You're exposing yourself,
that's against the law.
278
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,799
And there ain't a whole lot
to expose, okay?
279
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,302
So, so keep them up, alright?
280
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,430
Call me small.
281
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,848
When I go pee, I've gotta sit
down on the commode
282
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,016
'cause the doctor told me
don't lift nothing heavy
283
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,602
'cause my back went out.
284
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,271
You gonna call me small.
285
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:12,981
He put it on you
with that one, Jonesy.
286
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:18,194
So y'all just go ahead
and arrest some criminals.
287
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,946
You didn't put money
in my cup, did you?
288
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,449
No, I didn't, sir.
289
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,242
I'll give her a dollar
to loan you, okay?
290
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,827
- I'll loan you a dollar.
- No, her a dollar.
291
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,828
I ain't paying
no money back.
292
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,330
Learn how to say
"Sweet potato."
293
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,917
'Watch the poop!
Watch the poop! Watch the
poop!'
294
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,049
- Blind?
- You know I'm black, right?
295
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:41,301
You know I'm black.
296
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,136
Can I, can I
make my phone call?
297
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,012
Do I have rights?
Can I make my phone call?
298
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:47,015
- Who are you gonna call?
- Huh?
299
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:47,849
- 'Who are you gonna call?'
- Your mama.
300
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,351
{\an8}Alright, get your ass
in the car.
301
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,562
- Okay, but that was funny.
- No, it wasn't.
302
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:53,521
'You know nothing about my
mom.'
303
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:54,856
'He didn't say "Your mother."
304
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,400
- 'He said "Your mama."'
- 'Your mama!'
305
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,532
Whenever I hear
Inspector Smiley
306
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,118
I think of Mary Poppins.
307
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,370
'Cause why?
308
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,122
'Cause of the way he talks.
309
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,208
Oi!
310
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,668
Yeah, he needs to talk to you!
311
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,005
Get your fat arse over here
so he can talk to you!
312
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,799
No, don't give me that!
313
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,220
Get out of your
wheelchair and get over here!
314
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:29,224
Uh, we just got these new
bomb-dog cameras from Carson.
315
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:32,852
What they do is, uh, they get
you a real good shot of the bomb
316
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,021
from far away so you can make
your tactical decisions
317
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,898
without getting up close.
318
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,567
Good dog.
How's it doing? Testing.
319
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:41,819
One, two, one, two.
320
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,197
Go, go.
Go try it out, boy.
321
00:13:58,254 --> 00:13:59,505
Oh, man.
322
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,757
{\an8}- Here's our...
- There you go.
323
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,301
{\an8}- ...patient.
- Hello.
324
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:06,761
{\an8}- Yeah. Hi.
- Yeah.
325
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,763
Hi, there.
326
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,891
- 'How are we feeling?'
- 'Hi.'
327
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:14,018
- It's okay.
- It's okay.
328
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,061
- It's okay.
- Is this the right bed?
329
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,063
Yeah, it's the right bed.
330
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:18,773
- Hi.
- Hi.
331
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:21,442
Hi, we brought a friend
to say hi.
332
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:25,321
Hello.
I'm a friend here to say hi!
333
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,782
Gentle like a little,
tiny, little bird.
334
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:28,908
Gentle with the puppy.
335
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,118
Like you're holding
a little bird.
336
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,371
- Yeah, just pet real nice.
- 'Pat nice like a little
bird.'
337
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,914
That's good...
338
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,291
'Isn't it nice
to have a bird friend?'
339
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,669
- Hey, uh...
- No! No! No! No! No! No.
340
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,296
- No, we don't.
- Oh, my God!
341
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,923
We don't try to eat the dog.
342
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,967
- No, we don't.
- Okay? Be nice...
343
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,177
You can touch the doggy now,
but you have to be nice.
344
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:48,970
Now, we're just gonna
pet real gentle.
345
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,180
Just like friends.
346
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,307
We're gonna pet it
just like a little
347
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,810
'like a little bird, Faberge Egg
or something that's--'
348
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,104
- No, no, no, no!
- No! No! No! No!
349
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,439
- Stop it!
- No! No! No!
350
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,648
I smacked him a little bit.
351
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:01,482
- I just smacked him.
- No. Dog's not food.
352
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,484
Dog's not food.
Dog's not food.
353
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:04,485
- Dog's not food.
- Dog's not food.
354
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,697
- Okay, easy with the... Stop!
- Oh, my God.
355
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:11,242
- Okay. I'm backing off.
- What do I do? I'm gonna...
356
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,827
- I smacked him again.
- Okay. Okay.
357
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,829
I smacked him a little bit.
358
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,331
I'm going to go throw up.
359
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,000
I really actually don't feel
that bad about shooting him.
360
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,627
- No, I wouldn't.
- No.
361
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:21,336
He came at me
with a chocolate bar
362
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,504
about two and a half weeks ago.
363
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,965
- Oh, he deserved it.
- It was kind of dark.
364
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,842
Every time we shoot a guy,
you gotta come visit him
365
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:28,843
and wish him well.
366
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:29,677
It's a shame he's alive, really
367
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,638
'cause he wasn't
that great a guy before.
368
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,515
No. He was a bit
of a son of a bitch.
369
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:42,190
{\an8}Smiley reminds me of a friend
of Mary Poppins
370
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,067
{\an8}not Dick, the Chimney Sweep
371
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,652
but some other friend
of Mary Poppins
372
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:49,572
that we never met
who's a wonderful bobby.
373
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:53,368
And he takes them
to a ice-skating rink
374
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,537
under the, the, the tube.
375
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,122
That's funny because
Smiley reminds me
376
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:02,168
of... someone
from Mary Poppins
377
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:05,546
someone who, for instance
378
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:09,092
comes riding in
on some sort of jalopy.
379
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:12,220
And he has whipped ices
for everyone, and he says
380
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,389
"Come on, everyone,
I have whipped ices."
381
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,473
And then, when they get
close enough to him
382
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:19,352
he grabs them and rapes
the [bleep] out of them
383
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,771
and then he tosses them
in the backseat
384
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,898
and then off he goes,
and then...
385
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,233
"Chip, chip, cheerio!"
386
00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:34,867
{\an8}Right.
Uh, that's it, right?
387
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,077
{\an8}That checks out.
That's the address, isn't it?
388
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,246
{\an8}- Uh, yeah. Okay.
- Yeah, that's it.
389
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,247
Call that in.
390
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:42,792
Yeah, Reno,
this is 11 Charlie 50...
391
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:45,920
No need for that.
392
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:48,214
Uh, while we're at it, uh
393
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:51,092
why don't you give us your gun?
394
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:54,430
Oh, uh, well,
these are sort of issued.
395
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,765
I'll be alright.
396
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,559
No worries. Be right back out.
397
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,477
- Okay.
- You watch the car.
398
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,062
- Okay.
- Alright.
399
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,564
I'll watch the car then.
400
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,150
'Hold on, everybody,
on the ground!'
401
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,902
'This is a robbery!'
402
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,571
Don't want any of you out!
403
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,828
Oh, sweet Lord!
404
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,246
Oh, my God!
Dear sweet Lord.
405
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:23,833
- Here. Here.
- What the heck...
406
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,960
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
407
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,588
Alright, we were never here.
408
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:29,589
We were never here.
409
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:33,634
But just in case,
let's get out story straight.
410
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,303
Some Mexican drug cartel
in there.
411
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:38,139
- Okay.
- Cocaine deal gone bad.
412
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,725
- I-I stopped it.
- Okay.
413
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:41,809
They were thinking
about starting
414
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:45,146
a, a whole white slavery trade
415
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,190
and there's hundred thousand
dollars
416
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:50,985
hundred thousand dollars
cash in there.
417
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:54,071
Oh! But it's all good now.
418
00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:56,115
- Alright.
- I've done my job.
419
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,658
Yeah, you did.
Come on, hang on, Marty.
420
00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:59,160
Come on, hang on, Marty.
421
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,755
'Hi, Craig.'
422
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,800
I can't hear you.
423
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,556
I can't hear you
in the phone.
424
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,062
I can't...
Can you hear me?
425
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,023
I can't hear him
through the thing.
426
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:31,692
Two words. One... First word.
427
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,278
First word.
428
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,280
Fishing.
429
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,365
Fish. Fish.
430
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,368
Trout. Bass.
431
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,203
'Bass. Bass.'
432
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,704
Second word.
433
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:46,458
Sounds like, sounds like...
434
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:52,004
Sounds like "Peel."
Sounds like "Tape."
435
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,215
Sounds... Tape!
436
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:59,053
Tape, taping, tape...
437
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,471
Throw.
438
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:04,016
'Bass... taping.'
439
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,476
Bass-taping.
440
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,647
Somebody's
been bass-taping you?
441
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,315
Have you been bass-taped?
442
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,234
I don't know bass-taping.
443
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,782
♪ God save ♪
444
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:23,578
♪ Our noble queen ♪
445
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,453
♪ God save ♪
446
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:29,208
♪ Our gracious queen ♪
447
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:33,422
♪ God save the queen ♪
448
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,601
♪ Pilgrims' pride ♪
449
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,645
♪ From every ♪
450
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,480
♪ Mountainside ♪
451
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:57,696
♪ God save the queen ♪
452
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,250
"Reno Sheriff's Department
Deputy James Garcia
453
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:15,464
busts drug ring,
recovers $97,000."
454
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,551
Yeah.
455
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,346
He was a good cop.
456
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,806
I'm gonna miss him.
457
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:27,351
I'm gonna miss you, Marty.
458
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:31,979
I'll buy you a drink.
459
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,981
I'll buy you a scone.
34040
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