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1
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,762
{\an8}Get on the ground!
2
00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,597
{\an8}- Get on the ground now!
- Sheriff's Department...
3
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,267
{\an8}Don't you, don't you...
Just...[bleep].
4
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,310
Sheriff's Department! Get down!
5
00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:22,771
Get down now! Get...
Oh, man.
6
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:23,355
Goddammit! He went that way.
7
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,899
Dammit! I don't see him!
8
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:26,734
'Where'd he go? Where'd he go?'
9
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,318
Those guys can run.
How you doin'?
10
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,279
- Give me that camera.
- 'No! No.'
11
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,240
Give me that camera.
Huh, give me that...
12
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:42,125
{\an8}Oh-ho! Oh-ho-ho!
13
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,300
{\an8}Hey, dog.
14
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,807
{\an8}'Shots fired.'
15
00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,975
{\an8}Ho! Ho! Ho!
16
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,285
'Did you break up a fight
with those ugly twins?'
17
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:21,038
{\an8}'Did somebody send me this?
Somebody send me this?'
18
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,748
{\an8}They spelled sheriff wrong
on this letter
19
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,333
{\an8}and it has no return address.
20
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,251
Bunch of crap in it.
21
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,589
{\an8}- 'What is that?'
- I don't know.
22
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:35,177
{\an8}'Some kind of free detergent
sample they send out
sometimes?'
23
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,428
'Don't put it in your mouth
if it's detergent.'
24
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:39,473
It does taste a little bit
detergent-y.
25
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,682
It does.
26
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,643
'But usually they say,
you know, try the...'
27
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,645
"Here's a coupon with it."
I-is there a coupon with it?
28
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,897
- Well, maybe.
- I think someone is...
29
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,232
- Bathroom caulking.
- Bathroom caulking.
30
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:51,485
- 'It is bathroom caulk.'
- It says, "Praise Allah!"
31
00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:53,362
- 'Oh, man.'
- 'Oh.'
32
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:55,281
I guess we better call somebody.
33
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,701
Good morning!
34
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,912
We are from the Department
of Homeland Security.
35
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:05,207
My name
is Captain Dwayne Hernandez.
36
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,418
This is my assistant,
Lt. Suzy Kim.
37
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,296
This white powder
38
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,216
{\an8}that you have all been
stuffing into your orifices
39
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:17,386
{\an8}like so much confectionery...
is, in fact, anthrax.
40
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,348
'Oh, what the hell?'
41
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,725
Simmer down. Simmer...
People.
42
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,352
- 'Thanks for telling us now!'
- 'I'm gonna die.'
43
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,437
It symbolizes,
it symbolizes anthrax.
44
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:32,442
It could have, it could have
been anthrax... is the point.
45
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,402
'Do you know what I would
like?'
46
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,405
I would like tickets
for the show.
47
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:39,241
What is it? Barbra Streisand?
48
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,451
Her-her final tour,
maybe Neil Diamond?
49
00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:44,288
I want tickets for the show,
the show that's up to your asses
50
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,331
because that's where your
heads are, up to your asses!
51
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,960
You must be doing a fantastic
show up to your own asses!
52
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:53,213
Take your heads out
of your asses! The show's over.
53
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:56,300
Lieutenant and I will show you
how to deal with terrorism
54
00:02:56,301 --> 00:03:00,012
with biological
and chemical attacks.
55
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,432
In one week, you will be giving
an exam on homeland security
56
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,934
and you will all pass.
57
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,270
'The lieutenant and I
are here to help you.'
58
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:12,232
Nothing to be afraid of...
except terrorism
59
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,110
and biological
and chemical weapons.
60
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,778
'We will see you shortly.'
61
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,239
Have a nice day.
62
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,407
Ten-hut.
63
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,369
As you were.
64
00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:27,247
Oh, man, we are screwed.
65
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:35,964
{\an8}That's an important question.
66
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,175
{\an8}"Do I feel like Reno is prepared
67
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,011
{\an8}for a terrorist attack?"
68
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:47,935
No. My-my answer was gonna be,
what kind?
69
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,811
but then my response, no matter,
almost what you said
70
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,773
was gonna be no,
so I really don't think so.
71
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,984
{\an8}I don't think terrorism's
gonna come to Reno.
72
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,487
{\an8}I don't think there's any,
anything here they want.
73
00:03:58,488 --> 00:03:59,988
{\an8}No, especially during the winter
74
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:02,491
'cause they, we got snow, and
t-they'd have to put chains on.
75
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,493
Putting snow chains on your
camel, it's not gonna happen.
76
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,328
They don't know how to...
77
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,038
- Don't know how to do that.
- Exactly.
78
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,998
{\an8}Did anyone notice
the garbage can we just passed
79
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:13,001
{\an8}about 30 meters behind us?
80
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,544
{\an8}- No, sir.
- No. There was a garbage can?
81
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:17,340
{\an8}It's not garbage day, is it?
82
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:18,840
No, it's not.
83
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,635
You should have noted that.
84
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,345
It's not Tuesday. Today is...
85
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:26,139
Remember, gentlemen,
eyes and ears peeled
86
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,182
at all times.
87
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,392
Just make it a part of your
88
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:33,063
your every day... being.
89
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,899
But if I could ask you,
Mr. Hernandez--
90
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,567
- Of course.
- Captain, uh--
91
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,153
There are no stupid questions.
92
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:42,531
{\an8}Uh, are we in charge,
are we in charge of trash?
93
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,575
{\an8}That truck's pretty
suspicious-looking.
94
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:49,371
{\an8}"United we stand." Don't fool
nobody with that bumper--
95
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,498
See, I feel like some of these
people are trying too hard.
96
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:54,501
I feel like when,
when the truck of anthrax comes
97
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,545
it's gonna have a
united we stand bumper sticker
98
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,880
and a Bush-Cheney on the back.
99
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,507
- And a Toby Keith damn tape--
- Exactly right.
100
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:03,552
And it's gonna be
the Trojan Horse
101
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,970
except it's not
gonna be a horse.
102
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,555
- It's probably gonna be a...
- Bronco.
103
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,431
F-150 or something.
104
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,809
{\an8}911 call
of a suspicious person.
105
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,562
{\an8}Yeah, h-here we go.
106
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,604
Sheriff's Department!
107
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,234
This is the right address.
108
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,110
Sheriff's Department!
109
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:23,447
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Wait, wait, wait.
110
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,531
This is one of the tests.
111
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,450
This is gonna be a test.
112
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,409
- Suspicious person.
- Right.
113
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,287
It's gonna be, uh,
there's gonna be a
114
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:33,290
some sort of bomb or a gas.
115
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,916
There's smoke coming out
from underneath this
116
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,711
uh, kiddie pool.
117
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,714
See it? Right over there.
118
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,468
- Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
- Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
119
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,136
{\an8}- Right there! Right there!
- How you doing there, sir?
120
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,387
What you doin' down there?
121
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,930
- 'What you doing?'
- 'Just hangin' out.'
122
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:52,100
'Just hangin' out
under the kiddie pool, huh?'
123
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,227
- Why you got your boot off?
- Why you got your boot off?
124
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,062
Why were you hidin'
under the kiddie pool?
125
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,646
- 'I didn't do [beep].'
- 'Yeah.'
126
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,106
'Why you're hiding
under the pool if you...'
127
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,944
- 'Jesus Christ!'
- 'No, no, no, no, no!'
128
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:03,820
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Freeze! Freeze!
129
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,572
Put the boot down.
Put the boot down.
130
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,950
I'm gonna shoot your boot if you
do not put it down right now.
131
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:09,659
- Don't shoot the boot, man.
- I wish, sir.
132
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,662
I'm not... I'm...
Three, two...
133
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,915
- Alright.
- Thank you. [bleep].
134
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,918
'Get down!
I'm pointing a gun at you.'
135
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,252
Sir, you got, in the house
136
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,296
do you have any
sarin gas or anthrax--
137
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,506
I-I got a carton of smokes.
138
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:26,426
What do you guys want
to stop [bleep] me up?
139
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,636
There's nothing in my boot.
It's just a regular boot.
140
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,971
Powder, there's powder
in the boot.
141
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,473
- There's powder in the boot?
- There's powder in the boot.
142
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,642
That could be
Gold Bond or Johnson's--
143
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,143
That's Dr. Scholl's powder
144
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:38,146
because I got a thing.
Don't taste it.
145
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,981
'I wouldn't taste
the Dr. Scholl's powder, man.'
146
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,442
It's Dr. Scholl's powder.
147
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:45,988
{\an8}You're at the park
with your family.
148
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:48,658
{\an8}No biggie. Having a picnic.
149
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,454
{\an8}Your little girl
is playing hopscotch.
150
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:58,292
Your little boy comes back
with a frankfurter.
151
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,836
He looks at you and says
152
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:05,048
"Daddy, why is the hot dog man
wearing a turban?"
153
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,717
Too late. Boom! Explosion.
154
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:12,139
And you get up.
You look at your hands.
155
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,640
They're covered
with green slime.
156
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:18,145
What do you do?
Hazmat chemical shower.
157
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,188
Ridiculously simple to use.
158
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,858
Lieutenant and I
will show you how.
159
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,943
Volunteer!
160
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,320
'Wiegel?'
161
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,575
The first thing
you must do is disrobe.
162
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,916
Into the shower!
Commence hose down.
163
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,421
This is a granule
emollient solution.
164
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,883
Gently.
165
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:48,717
'Good. Good.'
166
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,553
'It's a very gentle,
soft process.'
167
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:55,056
The earlobes.
Especially the earlobes.
168
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,684
They are very sensitive...
to biological
169
00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,853
and chemical solutions.
170
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,564
Scrubbing a downward motion.
171
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,776
Sometimes it takes
more than one washing.
172
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:11,948
Next, let the chemicals wash
down away from the vital organs.
173
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,950
Focus, people. This is about
fighting the terrorists.
174
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:14,951
- 'Yes.'
- 'Yes, sir.'
175
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,578
- 'This is America.'
- Mm-hmm.
176
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,787
- We are free.
- 'Yeah.'
177
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,582
This is the face of freedom!
This is the face of freedom!
178
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,710
{\an8}
I-I have to be next.
I have to be next.
179
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,551
{\an8}There is a man.
180
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:34,722
{\an8}He is, perhaps, Turkish.
181
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:39,100
- He is attacking you.
- Mm-hmm.
182
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:43,313
In his left hand,
he holds a switchblade.
183
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,942
In his right hand,
he's holding a plastic comb.
184
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:50,153
You have one bullet
in your revolver
185
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:51,947
and you do not want to kill him.
186
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,616
- Where do you shoot?
- R-right in the nuts.
187
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,293
Maybe you should do
the talking.
188
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,838
{\an8}Ho! Ho! Ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
189
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:11,591
{\an8}- Hey, hey.
- Oh, hell, no.
190
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:15,178
{\an8}- Oh.
- Gary, Lyle. What's going on?
191
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,638
- How you doin', Jimmy Jam?
- I'm doin' alright.
192
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,306
- I'm doin' alright.
- What's up tonight, fellas?
193
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,601
We're just having ourselves
an expression of free speech.
194
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,687
Well, you know what,
you can't do that.
195
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,021
And you know that. Alright?
196
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:25,897
Okay, but last time,
it was a cornfield.
197
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,650
This is now my yard.
This is my property.
198
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,485
Well, I respect that,
but you know what
199
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:31,778
we can't have this kind
of public display going on.
200
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:35,031
You're lighting a damn cross
in your own yard?
201
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:36,783
Well, see, uh,
that's not a cross.
202
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:40,495
That's a T for tolerance.
203
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,497
It's a T for truth.
204
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:44,124
It's a T for turning the corner.
205
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,333
- Fire it up.
- 'No! Ho!'
206
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,668
No, you are not
lighting that up.
207
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,503
'Don't light that up!'
208
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,714
'You know what, I'm losing
my tolerance right now, okay?'
209
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,007
- Flame on. Here we go.
- No.
210
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,508
- Do not flame on.
- 'No, do-do not.'
211
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,176
- I'll ***ing light you up.
- Jones, put the weapon down.
212
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,219
Do not light that.
213
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,513
I'm getting a lot
of hostility off of you.
214
00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,681
- Alright, well, uh--
- That's a T.
215
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:03,184
That's a T for team
because I understand it now.
216
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:05,854
Now we're all on a team.
You're my teammate.
217
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,690
Alright, hey, hey. Hey, hey,
you know what? D-T-A-M-F-S...
218
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,858
Don't take another
mother [bleep] step.
219
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,194
And don't you light that mother
cross, alright?
220
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,696
You see? It'll be beautiful--
221
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,199
- Here comes a hug.
- No, you better not. No, no.
222
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,869
- Flame on!
- Do not flame on. No!
223
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,163
Do not flame on. Oh! Oh!
224
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,873
- 'Son of a [bleep].'
- 'Goddammit!'
225
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,333
Oh, [beep] [beep].
226
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:29,044
- Somebody should get a hose.
- . Goddammit!
227
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:33,048
You know, he's accident prone.
This is not a complete surprise.
228
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,716
Well, lieutenant here
has studied
229
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:39,262
at, uh, Cambridge, Oxford,
the University of Seoul.
230
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,347
Am I missing any-anything?
231
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,974
{\an8}The University of New Delhi.
I'm sorry.
232
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,143
{\an8}You have that master's degree
there also.
233
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,729
{\an8}She is, uh, breeds koi fish
234
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,273
she's a Muay Thai
Kickboxing champion
235
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,025
in her weight division.
236
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:55,236
And the class above.
237
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:59,115
As for myself, I studied at the
Bloomfield Community College
238
00:10:59,116 --> 00:10:59,825
through affirmative action.
239
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,747
{\an8}There are five dwarfs.
240
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,792
{\an8}- One of them speaks French.
- Okay.
241
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,002
{\an8}One speaks Portuguese.
242
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,089
{\an8}The others are mute.
243
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,424
{\an8}You have only one bullet.
244
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,885
Which one do you shoot?
245
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,762
Tick tock, tick tock.
Which one do you shoot?
246
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:26,310
Um... the black one.
247
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:28,937
I never said
there was a black one.
248
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,148
- But you are correct.
- I am?
249
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,609
Yes, you are thinking
outside the box.
250
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,653
- I am?
- Excellent. Yes.
251
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,989
You know, no one has ever
252
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,618
ever made me feel smart,
like you.
253
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,454
- You've got to be kidding me.
- No.
254
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:51,960
I mean, they treat me like I'm
some kind of retarded monkey.
255
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:55,964
What I'm trying
to tell you... my flower
256
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,508
is to let yourself bloom.
257
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,510
Can you feel my hand
touching your face?
258
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,804
I can feel. I can feel it.
259
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,305
- Okay?
- Okay.
260
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:05,223
- That is energy.
- Yeah.
261
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:09,352
That is love coming to you
from the universe
262
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:13,982
telling you,
"Hey, woman, hey, lady
263
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:14,899
"maybe unbutton
the top of your shirt.
264
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,318
Is that going to hurt anybody?"
265
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,612
- No.
- No.
266
00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:21,281
"Maybe look a little bit hot.
267
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,491
Is that going to hurt anybody?"
268
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,076
- No.
- No.
269
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,996
And by helping yourself,
you're helping your country.
270
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,165
By helping your country
271
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:34,836
you are defeating those dirty,
dirty, dirty, bad bastards
272
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:35,880
who want to defeat us.
273
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,382
So bloom.
274
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,844
Bloom, damn you, bloom.
275
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:46,473
Bloom, damn you, bloom.
276
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:08,077
{\an8}Captain Dwayne Hernandez
is like...
277
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,041
He's not just
an amazing captain.
278
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:17,879
Dwayne has... Dwayne has shown me
that I can be
279
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,008
the Trudy Wiegel that no one
ever knew that I could be.
280
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:26,054
Um...I...
My voice has dropped.
281
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,056
My shoulders have opened,
my scoliosis
282
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,058
I feel like, has almost
completely corrected itself.
283
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,061
I'm no longer
lactose intolerant.
284
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,438
It's amazing. Je ne sais quoi.
285
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,567
Je ne sais quoi.
286
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,569
{\an8}'Oh, my Lord.'
287
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,030
{\an8}Hey, y'all need to arrest
that man right there.
288
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,240
- 'What's the problem, ma'am?'
- 'Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!'
289
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,784
You need to arrest
that man right there.
290
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,953
He was trespassing
on my property.
291
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,079
- 'Okay.'
- I hit him tonight.
292
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,122
I hit him last night,
I hit him the night before.
293
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:56,626
You know why 'cause he came
right across my property line.
294
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,127
- Where's your property line?
- Right here!
295
00:13:58,128 --> 00:13:59,462
- I don't see it.
- Look. Right there.
296
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,214
- I got it marked off.
- I don't see right there.
297
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,424
- You're doing this. I--
- Got two cigarette butts there.
298
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,634
It extends out this way.
299
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,886
'It comes back this way
with this big rock.'
300
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:09,430
I'm sitting there
last night, alright?
301
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:12,684
I'm getting a little high,
and I said
302
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:13,935
"Uh, jackass, why don't you
come over and keep me company?
303
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,437
I got enough doobie
for the both of us."
304
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,564
And so he comes over.
305
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,399
The next thing I know
306
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,775
he's out like a light.
307
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,151
So y'all were doing drugs
in there?
308
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,279
You have possession
of drugs here?
309
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,238
I don't have anything
in there now
310
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:28,157
'cause that jackass
smoked everything I had.
311
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:30,743
So you were smoking marijuana?
312
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,120
You were smoking marijuana
cigarettes?
313
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,999
I was smoking, we were drinking,
we had some pills in there...
314
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,500
Y'all are missing the point.
315
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,377
- Y'all are missing the point.
- Yeah, well, give us the point.
316
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,878
I'll show you the point
right here.
317
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,130
This-this right here
is the point.
318
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,465
'That's the point, okay?'
319
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,925
'That's not a point,
that's a line.'
320
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,927
Hold on one second. Okay.
321
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:49,137
She's doing all these things
that obviously is illegal.
322
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,306
We can't take her in 'cause...
323
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,599
We haven't seen anything.
324
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,851
I tell you what,
we gotta get a situation here
325
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,644
where we can get her.
326
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:57,353
- Take it away, okay?
- Cool.
327
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,147
Okay, ma'am, so wait a minute
328
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,983
you're saying that, uh, this
right here is your property?
329
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,152
This right here, that right
there is my property line.
330
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,487
- That's your property line.
- But when he comes--
331
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,323
- Hey, hey, hey!
- 'Hey, hey. Alright. Okay.'
332
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,157
You got her. You got... Okay.
333
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,534
I swear to God,
I'll kick your ass--
334
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:13,786
There you go.
There you go. You did it.
335
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:14,704
You wait till I come back!
336
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,039
Watch your head, ma'am.
Watch your head.
337
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,834
'That jackass is gonna get
his nuts bit off.'
338
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:22,003
'You're gonna get your nuts
bit off when I get back.'
339
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,714
So get ready!
Get ready for that!
340
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,341
Get ready for some nut-bitin'.
341
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,009
''Cause that's what
you're gonna get.'
342
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:31,596
Call the doctor.
Get that looked at, okay?
343
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,890
'And just don't cross your,
cross the line, sir, okay?'
344
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,141
'Don't cross that line,
jackass!'
345
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,560
You'll get your nuts bit.
346
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,191
{\an8}What do you do to work out?
'Cause, my God, you're, uh...
347
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:47,820
{\an8}You're really, uh... fit.
348
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:51,741
So every morning,
about two hours before sunrise
349
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,159
I strip down naked,
I go out to the ocean
350
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,372
and I swim two miles.
351
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,916
Usually, it's weird.
Usually when I-I...
352
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,210
...see a fun outfit like that,
I...
353
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,046
I think how it would look on me
354
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,714
and I don't feel that
with you at all.
355
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,216
I-I don't find myself
looking and saying
356
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,010
"Oh, wouldn't,
wouldn't it be fun
357
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,053
to wear what Suzy's wearing?"
358
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,721
You know, but it looks really...
359
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,723
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to touch your hair like that.
360
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:18,184
God, you're hot. What,
where is that coming from?
361
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:19,268
I don't know what the hell
is wrong with me today.
362
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,229
I'm sorry. I didn't just say,
"God, you're hot."
363
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,231
That was really weird.
364
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,190
I'm just all mixed up today,
Suzy.
365
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:27,402
Did you have something
funny to eat or...
366
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:31,406
No, no. It's not my stomach.
It's lower than that.
367
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:35,076
I see. Are you...
Is it a hernia?
368
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,829
Are you-are you having hernia?
369
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:40,707
I'll be alright.
370
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:46,963
{\an8}Now, now, now, now, look
371
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,425
{\an8}I ordered this escort
about, uh, 35 minutes ago.
372
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:51,259
{\an8}If it was a pizza it'd be free.
373
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,970
'Oh, alright, alright.
Here she is.'
374
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,096
Thank you.
You have a good night.
375
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,307
Yeah, come on in.
How you doin'? It's open.
376
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,601
- 'Mm-hmm.'
- Well, well, how you doin'?
377
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,937
- 'I'm good. How are you?'
- I'm not bad.
378
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:05,606
- I ain't bad. Look at you.
- Look at me.
379
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:10,069
Yeah, now, in this picture,
you look about
380
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,988
'thirty years younger
as you are right now.'
381
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,783
Uh, mom! Mom!
382
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,242
Oh, baby. Uh...
383
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,786
What the hell, mom?
384
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,914
Uh, honey, I just...
385
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,584
I need, look, hon...
386
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,836
That's Clementine's mother,
Beulah.
387
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,338
This is not the first time
this has happened, actually.
388
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,800
Hey, Beulah.
389
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,137
She makes a fabulous,
uh, apricot pie.
390
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,604
{\an8}Am I surprised of the level
of preparedness
391
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,856
{\an8}at the department of Reno?
392
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,191
I'm su...
393
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,986
I'm surprised at the lack
of preparedness that they have.
394
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,529
And if I were surprised
395
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,783
I would have to probably hide
my surpriseness from you
396
00:17:56,784 --> 00:18:00,620
because it's my job not
to be surprised by anything.
397
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:04,165
Even, uh, uh, two years ago,
lieutenant, you were there
398
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,084
they had a surprise
birthday party for me.
399
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:09,712
"Surprise!" And I was surprised
inside, but I couldn't react.
400
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,005
And it's sad sometimes
401
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,507
because people, they went
to a lot of trouble.
402
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,383
My parents came, and they hid,
and they, "Surprise!"
403
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:18,179
And I still,
I cannot show surpriseness
404
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:21,057
because, uh, that's not
what we get paid for.
405
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,351
{\an8}You gotta admit,
Suzy Kim's kinda-kinda hot.
406
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,771
{\an8}I'm gonna tell you
like my grandmamma told me
407
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,232
"Don't nothing like bones
but a dog," huh?
408
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,359
All I'm saying is
the girl is bony
409
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,694
and I won't play no word games
410
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,863
like I say, "Oh, she's bony,
she's a bone.
411
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:39,367
Oh, now you want to bone her."
That's not funny to me.
412
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,161
That is not funny.
That's stupid.
413
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,663
That's stupid.
414
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,249
You don't even like, you don't
even like shrimp fried rice.
415
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:50,211
{\an8}What does "D-D-E-O-D"
stand for?
416
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,589
{\an8}- D-D-E-O-D?
- Yes.
417
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:58,386
{\an8}Dark dude eating...
418
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,764
...oriental delights?
419
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:02,849
- No.
- You like that?
420
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,268
Well, you know, I'm thinking
that you and I
421
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,687
could make like a tiger.
422
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,231
Yeah, a blasian.
423
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,316
Tiger Woods. Grr.
424
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,199
I love you.
425
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,910
You are not getting none.
That is not working.
426
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,749
{\an8}Go. Go, go, go.
427
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,418
{\an8}Goddamn!
428
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,003
{\an8}What do we got here, ladies?
429
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,589
{\an8}- Damn, girl, you look good!
- Thank you.
430
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,924
- We got a situation here.
- 'Okay.'
431
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:40,469
We've been smelling this noxious
fume all day that you can smell.
432
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:44,056
And I got a lot of people
that's feeling sick.
433
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,558
I think what
we got to is bioterrorism.
434
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,393
We all in the same ball park
on bioterrorism?
435
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,437
Sir, what I need you
to do is evacuate your people
436
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,479
calmly and slowly.
437
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,231
Take your people out
calmly and slowly.
438
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,107
Wiegel, I need a visual check
439
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:54,442
on the perimeter
and all the quadrants.
440
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,943
- Okay.
- Here's what we need to do.
441
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,362
We gotta get a sniper up
on the roof. Call for backups.
442
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:00,364
We need a helicopter
with a searchlight--
443
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,283
Okay, we're gonna need
the Hazmat team stat.
444
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,910
We're also gonna need
to call Washington.
445
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,119
Well, someone's
gotta get on the phone--
446
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,330
'Oh, my God!'
34376
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