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1
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,801
{\an8}Reno, this is 41-Frank-15.
2
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,761
We're in hot pursuit
of a brown Nissan Stanza
3
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,556
Nevada license W-U-V.
4
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,474
- It's a vanity plate. "WUV."
- It's a vanity plate.
5
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:18,934
- It's "WUV."
- WUV my--
6
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,185
- W-UV. WUV me.
- WUV...
7
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,646
- WUV me. WUV me.
- WUV me. W-WUV me.
8
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:25,232
- WUV my... Love my...
- WUV, WUV my K9.
9
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:26,775
- Love my K9. Love my dog.
- Love my K9.
10
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,152
- He loves his dog.
- Oh, that is so gross.
11
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,278
- I'm gonna vomit.
- Stop! Car! Stop! F...
12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,414
{\an8}Oh-ho! Oh-ho-ho.
13
00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,379
{\an8}Aah! Aah! Aah!
14
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:50,383
{\an8}Hey! Hey!
15
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,515
{\an8}Oh-ho! Ho!
16
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,158
'Once again, I got
no sleep last night.'
17
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,664
Oh, here we go.
18
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,709
Nice. Nice!
19
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,628
Just my boyfriend, everybody.
20
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,047
It's just Steed,
the love of my life.
21
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,174
{\an8}What did you do now?
22
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:34,177
{\an8}This is so embarrassing.
23
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,179
{\an8}- Clemmy--
- What? What did you do now?
24
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,347
{\an8}What did you steal?
25
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,682
I got to tell you somethin'.
I got to come clean.
26
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:45,354
'I come here to propose
blissful matrimony to you'
27
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,190
down on bended knee.
28
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:51,985
Clemmy, I know
we've been through
29
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,695
some hard times together, uh...
30
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:54,905
Oh, my God.
31
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,698
Maybe more to come, but, uh
32
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,867
I think now we've
made a real turn
33
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,870
uh, almost a complete U-turn.
34
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:02,830
Uh, maybe not
a complete U-turn
35
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,541
but, like, a hard,
very hard right turn.
36
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,586
'I want you
to marry me, Clemmy.'
37
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,421
I got it at JCPenny.
38
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:15,093
Oh, my God.
39
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,387
'This is not happening.'
40
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,930
Oh, my God.
41
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,724
Yes, by the way.
Yes, yes.
42
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,518
Oh, my God.
43
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,405
Is there, like, an empty cell
we can use for a couple of...
44
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,573
Well...
45
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,159
Is there?
Just for a couple of minutes.
46
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,245
No. No. Take it outside.
47
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,415
{\an8}When I met him, first week...
48
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,917
{\an8}And this is a, this is
a true story. First week...
49
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,295
{\an8}I got "Steed"
tattooed across my back.
50
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,089
But then he pissed me off
the next week
51
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,299
and then I changed...
I had to change it.
52
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,634
And so, I just put...
53
00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,429
I kind of had them do
an "X" through the "D"
54
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:03,432
and it says "Steely Dan."
55
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,310
Are we ready
to get married?
56
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:10,606
You know, I... Was I ready
to come to work today?
57
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,817
{\an8}The thing about Clemmy
marrying Steed is this
58
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,777
{\an8}people can do whatever
they want to do.
59
00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:18,280
You know, we don't live
in Communist China.
60
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,282
You know, I'm not
gonna tell her
61
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:24,912
"Hey, this is a bad guy
with a rap sheet.
62
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,748
"This is a guy who's, you know
63
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,333
"an attempted arsonist
64
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,669
a repeat "B and E."
65
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,338
You know,
is that my place to say
66
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,840
"Hey, this guy
67
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,967
"was wanted on statch
a couple years back?
68
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,552
"Hey, this guy, you know
69
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:44,306
shot his cousin, you know,
back in '81?"
70
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,141
Well, that's not my... People
can do whatever they want.
71
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,559
This isn't Communist China.
72
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,690
{\an8}- Sheriff's department.
- Sheriff's department, sir.
73
00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:54,816
{\an8}'Uh, who is it?'
74
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,653
{\an8}- Sheriff's department.
- Sheriff's department, sir.
75
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,488
{\an8}- Hi. Can I help you?
- 'Yeah, you can help us.'
76
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,657
Uh, look, we're shooting
a movie right now.
77
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:02,741
This is really
not the best time.
78
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,160
We're gonna wrap probably
in about 10 to 15 minutes
79
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:06,662
if you guys wanna go grab
a soda or something--
80
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,830
Sir, we've been getting
some noise
81
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,500
uh, complaints from,
from suite number four here.
82
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,502
You-you have been because
there's been a lot of people
83
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,046
knocking on my door
84
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,839
and we are shooting...
We're shooting Verite.
85
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:18,382
I'm not sure if you're
familiar with that term
86
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,676
but that means "Real."
87
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,136
You know what's not real,
is a couple of knuckleheads
88
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,013
you know what,
with my movie.
89
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,556
You know what's real, sir,
is we're gonna come inside
90
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,016
'cause your
checkout time's 12:00
91
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:29,643
and it's now 8:00
in the p.m., okay?
92
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,353
- So, uh, that's real now.
- Why don't you open up?
93
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,354
Okay, fine.
94
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,564
Cut! Cut!
95
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:35,983
Some people
from the police department
96
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,193
would like to see what
a real movie is all about.
97
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,528
- This is art, alright?
- 'Clear out of the room.'
98
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,530
Do you understand
where I live?
99
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,156
I live in America.
100
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,367
And in America,
you can do what you want
101
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,536
and the Nazis can't come inside
and [bleep] with your film.
102
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,621
You know what?
103
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,748
Greased pig.
104
00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:54,210
It's love oil, [bleep].
105
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,378
Son of a bitch!
106
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:59,381
♪ Oh say can you see... ♪
107
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,716
'Don't you sing the anthem!'
108
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,844
♪ By the dawn's early light ♪
109
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:04,928
Don't you sing
the anthem, sir!
110
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,097
You want soap?
111
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,640
No! You don't sing
the anthem.
112
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,684
Damn, this guy weighs, like...
113
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,144
Yes. Say it. Say it!
114
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,562
- No--
- Say it!
115
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,564
Don't... I'm fat.
116
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,566
- I'm a fat [bleep].
- No, you're not fat.
117
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,609
- No.
- No, I'm not?
118
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,903
- No, you're not fat.
- I'm not fat?
119
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:22,571
- Really? Look at me!
- Yeah.
120
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,781
- Are you blind?
- No.
121
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,074
I'm as big as a house!
122
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,576
'Let go!'
123
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:30,162
Okay, I'll rent the room.
124
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,038
I'll rent the room
for another day, okay?
125
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:35,125
No. We're not negotiating
anymore, sir.
126
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,045
No! No! Get...
No! No! Hold up!
127
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,841
Alright.
128
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,926
So long.
Everybody, back to one!
129
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:50,140
Yeah, Reno 11-Charlie-51.
130
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,517
Send us the fire department
over to the desert sands.
131
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,563
- 'He's got your stick.'
- you.
132
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,939
you two times.
133
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,400
What? What?
134
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:00,650
Oh, do you want that?
135
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:01,651
Oh!
136
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,611
Oh, [bleep].
137
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,666
{\an8}Clemmy and I met
at a G.E.D. class.
138
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:22,130
{\an8}Uh, that's graduate
equivalent degree... Diploma.
139
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,673
And he passed me a note.
Graduate...
140
00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:27,344
Graduate equivalency degree.
You got it right the first time.
141
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:30,472
Degree?
Uh, I passed her a note...
142
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,598
He passed me a note, and it
said, "I think you're hot."
143
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,142
And I passed him a note,
and I said
144
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,143
"I don't need
you to tell me that."
145
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:38,814
{\an8}I am planning
a bachelorette party for you.
146
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,649
{\an8}Strippers.
147
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,317
{\an8}Alright.
148
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,486
{\an8}You have a preference?
Black? White?
149
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,780
{\an8}I like them all.
150
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,657
I like black.
I like white.
151
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,491
I like black.
152
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:53,161
Just don't get me
any Pacific Islanders.
153
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:55,330
I don't get it.
I don't get that.
154
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:56,456
'Okay, hi, gang.'
155
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,458
{\an8}Uh, my name is
Lieutenant Jim Dangle
156
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,669
{\an8}and this is my associate,
Deputy Travis Junior.
157
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,171
{\an8}We're from the Reno Sheriff's
department.
158
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,840
{\an8}And today
we're gonna talk about
159
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,717
a scary and deadly
and dangerous drug
160
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,177
that's out on the streets.
161
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,345
It's a killer.
162
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:11,805
It's a plague
that's sweeping the nation
163
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,349
and it's called
crystal methamphetamine.
164
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,352
'Crystal methamphetamine is
a terrible, terrible drug'
165
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,355
'and does a lot
of terrible things to you.'
166
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:21,356
Now, we're gonna talk about
167
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,066
some of those terrible
things it does to you
168
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,819
but in kind of a fun way,
so follow along.
169
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,655
And as soon as you know the
words, sing along right with me.
170
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,578
♪ You can monkey
with a gibbon ♪
171
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,331
♪ You can fiddle
with a bow ♪
172
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,541
♪ But before you snort
that crystal meth ♪
173
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:43,504
♪ There's some things
that you should know ♪
174
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,840
♪ Meth is made
from antihistamines ♪
175
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:50,051
♪ In basement labs
it's cooked ♪
176
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,053
♪ And possession
is a felony ♪
177
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:55,891
♪ Which means
that you'll get booked ♪
178
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:58,518
♪ With a snort
it zips right up your nose ♪
179
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,730
♪ And eats away
your brain ♪
180
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,732
♪ It kills your sense
of good and evil ♪
181
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,568
♪ And it makes you go insane ♪
182
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:07,360
♪ Here we go ♪
183
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,863
♪ So don't meth
with Meth Beth ♪
184
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,616
♪ Don't meth
with Meth Seth ♪
185
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,452
♪ Don't meth
with Meth Gwyneth ♪
186
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:19,581
♪ Don't meth
with crystal meth ♪
187
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:19,832
'Any questions?'
188
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:26,046
We got another, uh,
45 minutes to kill.
189
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,966
Uh, any requests?
190
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:32,510
Anybody?
191
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:35,764
I know some Rush,
and I know a, a lot of Floyd.
192
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,312
{\an8}- Hello.
- How you doing today, ma'am?
193
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,064
Hi. I'm terrific.
How are you guys doing?
194
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,399
- We're doing good.
- Just great.
195
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,401
Sorry for the holdup, guys.
196
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,736
- It's alright.
- I knew I, I held you up.
197
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,613
That's probably a crime,
isn't it?
198
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,782
- Not at all. No problem.
- But could you hurry up?
199
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,909
'Cause we got
a lot of crime to--
200
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:56,785
Can you believe $9 for tacos?
201
00:08:56,786 --> 00:09:00,080
I mean, that's highway robbery,
isn't it?
202
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,206
No, it's not bad, actually.
203
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,251
- Highway robbery.
- 'It's a fair price,
actually.'
204
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,877
- Here you go, guys.
- Okay.
205
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,879
Oh! Got it. Oh!
206
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,589
- Got it?
- Yeah.
207
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,133
Hope it's not a crime
to make you wait.
208
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,843
Not at all, ma'am.
You have a good day.
209
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,679
Do I have taco
in my teeth? Huh? Huh?
210
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,764
- No, I don't think so.
- 'Thank you.'
211
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:18,849
Bye-bye.
212
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,770
Well, she's kind
of jittery, huh?
213
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:24,980
Well, I got a note here.
214
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:28,024
"Well, officer, there are
two armed men inside."
215
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,693
I hope there's
two-armed men back there.
216
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,654
A one-armed guy is not gonna
be able to make a taco.
217
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:38,660
{\an8}This here, actually,
is my plot. Um...
218
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:41,538
{\an8}Obviously, there's nobody
in it yet
219
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,874
{\an8}but... God willing,
there will be.
220
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,377
Hi, mom.
221
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,922
My mom started collecting
Beanie Babies...
222
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,843
...about four years
after she died.
223
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,553
I used to leave them out here.
224
00:09:56,554 --> 00:10:00,473
In fact, I had a whole
collection, uh, for her.
225
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:03,143
Um, she had a great
Princess Diana bear.
226
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,561
Those are a fortune.
227
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,146
I had a hard time
getting her that one.
228
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,815
She was really excited
when I did finally get it.
229
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:13,153
Um... and I left him out here
230
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,073
you know, thinking this is
a sacred place, and, uh...
231
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,785
...some [bleep] kid
took him, I think.
232
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,829
I have real dark skin.
233
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,331
My mom was real light-skinned.
234
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:28,418
She was an Irish... girl.
235
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,961
I have real dark skin 'cause
I was apparently, so they say...
236
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,965
I was raped... My-my mother was
raped by an American Indian.
237
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,136
They're talking
about putting more, uh...
238
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,139
Asian people in here.
239
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,725
And, uh
240
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,519
I put up a flyer, um...
241
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,605
Of course, without my name
on it or any information
242
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,524
saying, you know
243
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:54,361
"Let's try and keep..."
244
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,238
In so many words, "Let's try
and keep the Asians out."
245
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,865
And I haven't heard
anything back.
246
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,284
But then again, I didn't put my
name or any phone number on it
247
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:04,204
so I don't know how
I would hear back.
248
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,705
{\an8}'Here, wait.
I gotta have my head...'
249
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,249
{\an8}'I got to get down lower.
There we go. Medusa.'
250
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,834
{\an8}'And then I go up,
and... Oh, yeah.'
251
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,336
'Yeah.'
252
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,796
Look at that.
That's pretty damn cool.
253
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,964
- Oh, man of mystery.
- Yeah.
254
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,966
Oh, go away,
you evil Greek guy.
255
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,094
Alright.
256
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,762
You have been cursed
by the evil Medusa.
257
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,223
You have been cursed.
258
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,058
Hey, how 'bout the people
who had to go to the bathroom?
259
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,694
{\an8}Whoo!
260
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:38,988
{\an8}Oh, sorry, sorry!
261
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,574
{\an8}I have a speech
that I would like to make.
262
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,284
Well, go ahead on, girl!
263
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:43,952
Well, truth be told,
this is the first party
264
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,121
I've ever been invited to.
265
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,957
Don't laugh.
266
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:49,999
- I'm sorry for--
- Shh!
267
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:50,917
It's, like,
why did we invite her?
268
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:53,671
I don't know Steed very well...
269
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:59,427
...but my motto is,
don't judge a book by its cover.
270
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:01,928
- Okay, girl.
- Alright, that's...
271
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,139
Whoo!
272
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,974
I was waiting tonight
to tell you this
273
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,602
'cause I decided this,
like, a week ago, that, um...
274
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,855
Once you guys decide
you want to have children
275
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,858
I will sleep with Steed
276
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:18,611
for as many times as it takes
to get me pregnant
277
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,947
until I give birth
and give you that baby.
278
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,533
''Cause you deserve to be a mom.
You really fricking do.'
279
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,952
I'm gonna tell you right now,
white people are crazy.
280
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:26,995
- 'Cheers.'
- Crazy and nasty.
281
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,874
All that to say,
I'm really excited
282
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,792
that you guys are here today.
283
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,878
And that you don't feel
284
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,172
like there's a competition.
285
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,340
'Cause it's not
about a competition.
286
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:42,135
Because we know who
the winner is in this room
287
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,263
and it's the one
who's getting married.
288
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,644
{\an8}Son of a bitch, this guy
is drunk as a skunk
289
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:52,896
{\an8}or high as a kite.
290
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,315
{\an8}Let's check it out.
291
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,358
Put your hands
where I can see them!
292
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,902
Hands where I can
see them!
293
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,029
Put your hands,
passengers, sic 'em!
294
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,364
God damn it it, Steed.
295
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:06,034
Steed, what the
are you doing, man?
296
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,243
You've been
weaving all over the road.
297
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,037
'You're driving
like a crazy person.'
298
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:09,871
Steed, step out of
the vehicle, will you, please?
299
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,207
Step on out, Steed.
300
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,750
God damn it.
301
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,877
'What are you doing
tonight, Steed?'
302
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,880
Uh, Peyote. Mushrooms...
303
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:19,881
Alright, alright.
304
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,175
- Some crystal meth...
- You did what?
305
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,092
Uh, about 28 beers.
306
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:25,178
What do you got?
Don't, don't...
307
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,514
Okay, you got
some marijuana.
308
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,390
That is some
good [bleep] there.
309
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:33,269
Steed, you know you can't...
What the [bleep], Steed?
310
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:36,190
God damn. Steed, that's
like a pound of marijuana.
311
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:38,608
- You got a .38.
- No, no, no.
312
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:42,028
- Steed, stop, stop, stop.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
313
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,154
You're overincriminating
yourself.
314
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,448
We weren't even gonna
pat you down.
315
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,242
'God damn it, Steed.'
316
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,660
We're gonna pretend
we didn't see that.
317
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,079
- No! Hand out of your pocket!
- 'Hand out of your pocket!'
318
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,080
You're family.
Don't make us shoot you.
319
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,123
- .
- What are you doing?
320
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,041
- This is, uh...
- What the hell are you doing?
321
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:58,127
That's brown heroin.
This is, uh...
322
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,255
You know, we weren't even
gonna search you.
323
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,131
I didn't even want to know
what was in your pockets.
324
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,133
'Make sure you keep
the cap on that.'
325
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:06,928
You're getting married in,
like, 12 hours, man.
326
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,555
'You just don't know
when to quit, do you'
327
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,557
I'll be real honest with you,
I don't know when...
328
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,141
No, I've got some problems.
329
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,269
Going through
the A.A. Twelve-step...
330
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,770
'You ain't doing too good.'
331
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,438
Which step is the four pounds
of marijuana?
332
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,274
- 'Which step is that?'
- 'Steed, just cool off, okay?'
333
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,277
Just freeze
right there. Freeze.
334
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,570
- Travis, come here, man.
- No, we got it.
335
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,113
'Travis, come here.'
336
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,407
Don't go nowhere.
Don't go nowhere.
337
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,909
I, for one,
am not gonna be the guy
338
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,619
who takes Clemmy's
husband-to-be in
339
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,787
the night before his nuptials.
340
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:35,290
I'm not gonna do it. I'm not
gonna do this to that woman.
341
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,083
We'll dump the stuff,
and we'll let him go, okay?
342
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,627
- We'll let him go?
- We're not gonna let him drive.
343
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,297
But we're gonna dump the stuff
and let him go.
344
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:43,965
She ain't gonna do
no better. You're right.
345
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:44,966
'No better than Steed. He's no
prize, but neither is she.'
346
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,218
'Come on.'
347
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,972
Okay, Steed,
we've talked it over
348
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:51,556
and I just want
to say...
349
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,600
- Ah!
- Oh! [bleep].
350
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,310
God damn it!
Are you... Steed!
351
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,353
Ah!
352
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:01,441
{\an8}Oh, my God,
remember when we...
353
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,318
{\an8}- What we did with this that...
- Yeah, I...
354
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,320
Oh, my gosh.
355
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,488
'I totally remember.'
356
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,699
I got you that.
It's a mug with a picture of me.
357
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,492
I had it made
at the coffee shop.
358
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,828
It's on both sides,
in case you're left-handed.
359
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:18,166
Anybody want a...
Anybody want a hot cup of wang?
360
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,000
'Look at your nails.
Those are gorgeous.'
361
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,044
Somebody, at the door!
362
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,629
- How I look?
- 'You're working it.'
363
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,845
It's the posse! Whoo!
364
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,139
Um, uh, is it a problem, officer?
365
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:36,476
Yes, we have
a noise complaint.
366
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,144
'Well, was we making
too much noise?'
367
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,688
I don't think you was
making enough noise.
368
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,192
Oh, baby!
369
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,527
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
370
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,112
Ladies, we are
the men of Mantasia.
371
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:51,699
You ready for some
chocolate-caramel sticks?
372
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,201
You ready
for some man meat...
373
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,662
Whoo!
374
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,165
- 'Hold on.'
- 'Oh. H-hold on, hold on.'
375
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,793
- Jones?
- 'Whoa.'
376
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,878
Hi-hi, Trudy.
377
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:05,254
What you doing here?
378
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:06,298
Moonlighting.
379
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,219
Listen, hey, I don't need you
looking at me that way, okay?
380
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,013
Uh, if you want another officer,
fine, I'll go.
381
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,015
I-I need the money, okay?
382
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,558
No, no, no, no, no.
383
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:20,103
Jonesy. Officer darling.
384
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,564
I paid for three strippers.
385
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,108
I'm gonna have three strippers.
Let's get the party started!
386
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,110
This is a conflict
of interest.
387
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,078
On the right!
On the right!
388
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,587
Whoo. Whoo. Whoo. Whoo.
389
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:49,048
Who-o-o-oo!
390
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,217
Whoo! Whoa!
391
00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:52,969
The babies need their bottle?
392
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,387
- Ohh!
- 'Ohh!'
393
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,596
Ohh.
394
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,368
♪ Ave ♪
395
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:23,124
♪ Maria ♪
396
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:28,629
♪ Gratia plena ♪
397
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:33,134
♪ Maria gratia plena ♪
398
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:37,513
♪ Ave Dominus ♪
399
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:43,936
♪ Dominus tecum ♪
400
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:45,480
I just want to thank you
all for coming out
401
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,607
on this egregious occasion.
402
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,525
Uh, I'm a straight-shooting
cowboy. You all know that.
403
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,277
I've partied with many of you
404
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:53,154
oftentimes till 4:00 a.m.,
shooting down shots of jag.
405
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:58,159
'Uh... Clemmy, love of my life'
406
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,160
'I always wanted to be in a'
407
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,788
semimonogamous relationship
with you.
408
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,164
Uh, looking forward to it.
409
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,749
Uh...
410
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,627
Uh, your tits look great.
411
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,336
That's all.
412
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,214
Clementine.
413
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,265
I love you, and, um...
414
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:25,353
When one dynamic person meets
another dynamic person
415
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:29,190
it's like a whole lot
of dynamite.
416
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,151
'And I promise that, um...'
417
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,029
I will stay in this marriage
until we both agree
418
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,907
that we don't want
to do it anymore.
419
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,367
I love you.
420
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,706
With this ring...
421
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,376
I don't know how that...
There you go.
422
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,546
If there be any here,
whatsoever
423
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,880
who knows of a reason
424
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,049
that this man and woman
should not be joined
425
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,717
in holy matrimony
426
00:18:56,718 --> 00:19:00,222
speak now or forever
hold your peace.
427
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:10,231
'Then, by the power vested in me
by the State of Nevada'
428
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:13,359
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
429
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,319
You may now...
Oh, there you go.
430
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,448
- 'Whoo!'
- 'Alright.'
431
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,378
We're married!
432
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,921
I love you!
433
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,756
Aah!
434
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,685
- They ain't gonna make it.
- We're married!
435
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:48,936
Yeah!
436
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,360
- 'Can we go, or what?'
- 'Yeah, let's go.'
437
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:01,741
{\an8}Don't come at me
with this attitude
438
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,910
{\an8}like "I'm gonna judge."
439
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:04,452
{\an8}What am I doing
is none of your business.
440
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,287
I got my cat, Mr. Paws
441
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,831
{\an8}and I'm gonna make sweet love
to this young lady.
442
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,750
Mr. Paws is gonna watch 'cause
that's an extension of myself
443
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,753
and that's legal,
because that's my choice.
444
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,422
Girl, what happened to you?
Did Steed do this to you?
445
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:19,592
Yes, he did, but you should
see what I did to him.
446
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,344
He's in the hospital
with his jaw wired shut.
447
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,929
It's all good.
448
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:23,429
- Oh, my God.
- 'Oh, my God.'
449
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,640
Yeah, so...
450
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:28,809
- 'Are you alright?'
- I'm fine. I'm fine.
451
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,312
I mean, we were...
We forgot to get a license
452
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,522
so we were never really married,
so it's fine.
453
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,650
Clemmy's back,
and she's single, and...
454
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,319
And it's all good.
455
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,997
Adolf Hitler
was not gay, okay?
456
00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,249
- I heard that he was.
- No, he was not.
457
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,794
He loved Wagner,
and he... He was gay.
458
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,712
'He also had one ball,
they say.'
459
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:57,338
- Yeah.
- And he was Jewish.
460
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,548
- 'Yeah.'
- Oh, yeah.
461
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,677
And he had one ball.
462
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:04,136
I think.
463
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,513
That might be just
from a song.
464
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,348
- No, he really had one ball.
- 'He only had one ball.'
465
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,058
It's in the
Museum of Tolerance now.
466
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,311
- 'No, it's not.'
- Well, where else would it be?
467
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:14,188
'They put Hitler's ball
in the Museum of Tolerance?'
468
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,523
You got to know where to...
469
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,484
You got to ask, and they'll
let you in the back room.
34479
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