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1
00:00:03,807 --> 00:00:05,244
I feel like I have boogers.
2
00:00:05,377 --> 00:00:07,247
Do I have time to snot rocket?
Oh, we're on?
3
00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:09,953
Hi. I'm here reporting live
on the eve of the Virgin Games,
4
00:00:10,087 --> 00:00:11,924
where 50 virgins will compete
5
00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:14,796
and the biggest loser
will be our winner.
6
00:00:14,896 --> 00:00:16,601
But how did we get here?
7
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:20,575
In 1863, virgin Elsinore Crupp
was to be sacrificed
8
00:00:20,709 --> 00:00:22,244
by our forefathers in the hopes
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00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:25,017
of putting an end to
a particularly windy weekend.
10
00:00:25,117 --> 00:00:26,687
However,
her beheading was botched,
11
00:00:26,787 --> 00:00:29,191
and for three days straight,
she cursed our town,
12
00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:30,261
Which is why today
13
00:00:30,394 --> 00:00:31,764
our murder rate is so high
14
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:33,333
and our internet so laggy.
15
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,239
Since then, Elsinore's
refusal to obey her elders
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00:00:36,373 --> 00:00:38,342
has made her a cult icon to
anyone
17
00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:40,414
who has ever met a boomer,
giving Grimsburg
18
00:00:40,515 --> 00:00:43,587
the largest virgin population
outside of Mickey's Toontown.
19
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:46,594
And here's one of her fans
now already lined up
20
00:00:46,694 --> 00:00:47,996
to get in first.
21
00:00:48,163 --> 00:00:50,735
Sir, how are you honoring
virgins today?
22
00:00:50,868 --> 00:00:52,171
Will you be watching
Zack Snyder's
23
00:00:52,304 --> 00:00:54,608
director's cut
of "Justice League"?
24
00:00:54,609 --> 00:00:55,745
Sir?
25
00:00:57,816 --> 00:00:59,986
I guess we'll never know.
26
00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:02,258
Back to you people
in the studio,
27
00:01:02,391 --> 00:01:04,161
whose jobs I deeply covet.
28
00:01:04,261 --> 00:01:06,934
You know, I just--
I'm just gonna snot rocket.
29
00:01:30,648 --> 00:01:32,018
You OK, Flute?
30
00:01:32,184 --> 00:01:33,687
You seem to be binge drinking
more than usual.
31
00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:35,591
Not a lot of
great options tonight.
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00:01:35,692 --> 00:01:37,227
Even the beer goggles
aren't working.
33
00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:40,166
Time for some liquor Lasik.
34
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:42,071
Ooh! Check her out.
35
00:01:42,171 --> 00:01:43,306
Incorrectly buttoned cardigan,
36
00:01:43,406 --> 00:01:44,943
half cried-off mascara,
37
00:01:45,076 --> 00:01:46,679
credit card stuck to the back of
her thigh.
38
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,851
Looks like I just found
the love of my night.
39
00:01:48,951 --> 00:01:51,189
Maybe it's time to ditch
the one-night stands,
40
00:01:51,322 --> 00:01:53,826
try connecting with someone
on a deeper level.
41
00:01:53,827 --> 00:01:56,265
That's rich, coming from
someone who lives alone,
42
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,838
doesn't date, and refuses to
hang out with me on the weekends
43
00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:00,273
even though any idiot could see
44
00:02:00,373 --> 00:02:01,944
we'd have a lovely time
on a tandem bike.
45
00:02:02,044 --> 00:02:04,348
My solitary lifestyle is
a choice.
46
00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:06,017
As an immortal, I've made
more than enough connections
47
00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:07,622
over the centuries.
48
00:02:07,756 --> 00:02:10,326
I'm all out of small talk
and orgasms.
49
00:02:10,327 --> 00:02:12,330
That can happen?
It can...
50
00:02:12,331 --> 00:02:13,934
if you live long enough
51
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,871
and look this good.
52
00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:21,116
I'll just close out
our tabs.
53
00:02:21,216 --> 00:02:24,122
Hey, bartender,
I need two shots.
54
00:02:24,255 --> 00:02:25,992
I get a shot of whiskey
55
00:02:26,092 --> 00:02:28,229
and you get a shot
to take me home.
56
00:02:28,329 --> 00:02:32,237
All you need to do is say
the magic word.
57
00:02:32,371 --> 00:02:35,545
Elevator, lemonade, spa,
gargantuan, bicycle, fortress,
58
00:02:35,645 --> 00:02:37,748
oolong, radio, radical,
radiation therapy.
59
00:02:37,749 --> 00:02:39,619
Wait. No, that's two words.
Was it one of those words?
60
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,488
Because I could split them up.
It was please.
61
00:02:41,489 --> 00:02:42,959
Never would've
guessed that.
62
00:02:43,093 --> 00:02:45,831
Even better. Let's go.
63
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:52,979
Uh!
64
00:02:57,589 --> 00:02:59,927
I gotta figure out
how safeties work.
65
00:03:01,563 --> 00:03:03,534
Ahh.
66
00:03:10,681 --> 00:03:12,752
Wait. Why are you sneaking out?
67
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,254
This is your place.
68
00:03:14,388 --> 00:03:16,358
Oh, right.
I guess it's just habit.
69
00:03:16,359 --> 00:03:18,931
Please. I sleep
in so many strangers' beds,
70
00:03:19,064 --> 00:03:21,736
my memory foam mattress
doesn't remember me anymore.
71
00:03:21,737 --> 00:03:23,273
Well, for a pro,
you're not great at it.
72
00:03:23,407 --> 00:03:25,578
You almost forgot your purse.
73
00:03:25,679 --> 00:03:28,316
First rule of smash and dash--
can't come back once you leave.
74
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:30,589
True, but you
broke the biggest rule
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00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,692
of a one and done--
you're talking to me.
76
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,563
Gross game recognizes
gross game.
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00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:36,465
I know this
goes against the rules,
78
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,402
but you want to grab breakfast?
79
00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:40,840
The walk of shame is
where I get most of my steps in,
80
00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:42,277
but sure.
81
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:45,919
Kang, I did it.
I took your advice, and I
82
00:03:46,086 --> 00:03:47,454
made a connection.
83
00:03:47,588 --> 00:03:49,525
Did you know you can talk
to a woman after sex
84
00:03:49,526 --> 00:03:51,797
and not just apologies?
Good for you.
85
00:03:51,964 --> 00:03:53,265
What's her name?
86
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,938
I don't know. I'm not a perv.
87
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:57,674
Bad news. Nobody's dead.
88
00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:00,314
The bomb was attached to
a mannequin.
89
00:04:00,481 --> 00:04:03,252
Total corpse tease.
But he did leave a note.
90
00:04:03,253 --> 00:04:04,688
"Virginity is a disease.
91
00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:06,459
"Cancel the games
or there will be
92
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:09,632
an actual virgin sacrifice
when I bomb the finals."
93
00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:12,204
Which is why we need
someone on the inside--
94
00:04:12,371 --> 00:04:14,810
a virgin who can pose
as a contestant
95
00:04:14,910 --> 00:04:16,311
and make it to the finals.
96
00:04:16,312 --> 00:04:18,349
Otis the kid detective,
you're up.
97
00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:21,255
Sorry, Chief, but I banged
my neighbor last night.
98
00:04:21,355 --> 00:04:23,493
Still got the bandage
on my knee to prove it.
99
00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:25,263
I could do it.
100
00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:27,803
Technically, 74.2%
of my new body is a virgin,
101
00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,072
and so was the other 25.8%.
102
00:04:30,073 --> 00:04:33,079
Please. Summers
can't make it to the finals,
103
00:04:33,179 --> 00:04:35,483
and I should know.
I used to be a Virgin...
104
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,120
Games winner.
105
00:04:38,289 --> 00:04:39,458
Don't say anything else.
106
00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:41,428
I have no more room for gasps!
107
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:43,165
Then it sounds like
you're the perfect candidate
108
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:44,969
to coach him, Wynona.
109
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,806
And I thought being
a grown man who's never had sex
110
00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:48,511
couldn't get any better.
111
00:04:48,644 --> 00:04:50,346
Bomb squad officer: Sorry,
folks. We just got reports
112
00:04:50,347 --> 00:04:52,886
of another bomb about to go off.
113
00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:54,756
Seems this morning someone here
114
00:04:54,856 --> 00:04:57,060
ate three
chorizo breakfast burritos.
115
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,032
Sex woman? You never
told me you were bomb squad.
116
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,670
Bomb squad officer:
And you never told me you were
117
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:03,641
a detective,
sweat-a-lot-during-sex man.
118
00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:06,411
Hey, come take a look at this.
119
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:08,517
Kang, she's the one
I connected with last night
120
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:10,085
and then again this morning
in the handicapped stall
121
00:05:10,086 --> 00:05:11,288
at the diner.
122
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:12,825
Maybe I should ask for her name.
123
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:15,532
It's Charlotte.
You perv.
124
00:05:15,698 --> 00:05:17,634
Wait. How do you know that?
125
00:05:17,635 --> 00:05:20,942
Because that is my great-
great-great-great-great-great-
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00:05:21,042 --> 00:05:24,716
great-great-great-great-great-
great-granddaughter
127
00:05:24,849 --> 00:05:26,687
you're talking about!
Well, you should be proud
128
00:05:26,787 --> 00:05:29,592
because she is great, great,
great, great, great, great,
129
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:34,100
great, great, great, great,
great, great, great at sex...
130
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,937
respectfully.
131
00:05:37,374 --> 00:05:38,911
Why haven't we heard
about her before?
132
00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:41,248
Well, because
she doesn't know I exist.
133
00:05:41,249 --> 00:05:42,818
Outside of you guys,
I don't tell anyone
134
00:05:42,985 --> 00:05:45,455
about my immortality,
especially family.
135
00:05:45,456 --> 00:05:47,561
But family is the most
important thing there is,
136
00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:49,699
according to every piece of
wall art they sell at Target.
137
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:52,204
It's way too painful
outliving your family.
138
00:05:52,304 --> 00:05:54,174
I can't lose another
grandson to dementia,
139
00:05:54,308 --> 00:05:55,845
so I stay away from them all,
140
00:05:55,945 --> 00:05:58,316
which is why I'd like you
to stop seeing her, Flute.
141
00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:00,086
Good one.
To be honest, I don't get it,
142
00:06:00,187 --> 00:06:01,890
but I can tell it's a joke,
and that's why I said "Good one"
143
00:06:01,891 --> 00:06:03,627
instead of laughing.
I'm serious, Flute.
144
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:05,930
You can't see her.
You can't forbid me.
145
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:08,035
I can, and I just did!
Children, please.
146
00:06:08,169 --> 00:06:10,073
Don't make me take off
a chancla.
147
00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:12,143
I need you three to figure out
where this bomb came from.
148
00:06:12,277 --> 00:06:14,114
Three?
149
00:06:14,115 --> 00:06:16,452
Hey, guys.
150
00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:18,121
Will Kang
ever allow himself
151
00:06:18,122 --> 00:06:19,558
to get close to Charlotte?
152
00:06:19,559 --> 00:06:21,228
Will Charlotte's
lack of a father figure
153
00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:23,366
keep her from
true intimacy with Flute?
154
00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:24,770
Will Flute ever learn
how safeties work?
155
00:06:26,305 --> 00:06:28,175
And will Murphy's coworkers
ever discover
156
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:31,382
that his big secret is
he's actually using the copier
157
00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:33,086
for personal business?
158
00:06:33,186 --> 00:06:34,822
All that and less
when we return.
159
00:06:39,297 --> 00:06:41,970
But why can I date
Charlotte? She's perfect for me.
160
00:06:42,104 --> 00:06:43,840
She's pretty.
161
00:06:45,611 --> 00:06:48,416
That's it?
Sounded like there was more.
162
00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:50,755
Fine. She's also funny
and drinks to excess.
163
00:06:50,855 --> 00:06:52,724
I could really see myself
settling down
164
00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:54,961
to a long consecutive series of
one-night stands with her.
165
00:06:54,962 --> 00:06:57,501
Don't cross me, Flute.
I'll do what I want.
166
00:06:57,635 --> 00:06:59,405
You may be a stubborn
little boy, but I'm
167
00:06:59,539 --> 00:07:01,843
a vengeful little bitch.
168
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,248
I will win.
169
00:07:04,348 --> 00:07:05,918
Good morning.
Hi.
170
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:07,889
So, what are we doing
first?
171
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:09,725
I brought in a witness
we should talk to.
172
00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:12,531
Uh, Flute,
take the lead on this one.
173
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,736
Harmony,
what are you doing here?
174
00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:16,640
Kang said you wanted
to interview me about
175
00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:19,377
the explosion.
Oh, that's right.
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00:07:19,378 --> 00:07:22,586
I forgot you two were married
but then ultimately divorced,
177
00:07:22,686 --> 00:07:25,858
because what was it again?
Ha ha.
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00:07:25,991 --> 00:07:27,394
How long do you have?
179
00:07:27,562 --> 00:07:29,666
There was the lies,
the drinking, the dandruff.
180
00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:31,369
He stole my car and my youth.
181
00:07:31,503 --> 00:07:32,837
He blew through our savings
because
182
00:07:32,838 --> 00:07:34,441
"Tom Brady is smart.
183
00:07:34,542 --> 00:07:35,945
We can't lose with crypto."
184
00:07:36,045 --> 00:07:38,016
Oh, every year
on Stan's birthday, he insists
185
00:07:38,149 --> 00:07:39,718
on having a paternity test.
186
00:07:39,719 --> 00:07:41,522
Ten minutes later.
187
00:07:41,523 --> 00:07:43,526
And he's constantly doing
188
00:07:43,527 --> 00:07:44,963
his terrible "SpongeBob"
transition voice.
189
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:46,900
Flute, as "SpongeBob" announcer:
Is not so bad.
190
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,372
Hi, Dad. The test said
I can still call you that.
191
00:07:50,373 --> 00:07:51,977
You have a son?
192
00:07:52,077 --> 00:07:53,681
I was trying to tell you
that last night
193
00:07:53,781 --> 00:07:55,315
when you were calling me
"Daddy."
194
00:07:55,316 --> 00:07:56,553
I thought you should know
that
195
00:07:56,687 --> 00:07:57,955
some appropriately tattooed men
196
00:07:58,089 --> 00:07:59,659
are repossessing your car
right now.
197
00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:01,797
But I'm only 11 payments
behind!
198
00:08:01,897 --> 00:08:03,633
Mr. Flesh: Nice work, Stantrum.
199
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:06,807
Now, come on. Let's go lunge at
an officer's belt.
200
00:08:06,907 --> 00:08:09,210
You sure that's
a good idea, Mr. Flesh?
201
00:08:09,211 --> 00:08:11,583
OK, if you say so!
202
00:08:11,683 --> 00:08:13,720
And they didn't
even drop him as a baby.
203
00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:18,897
Came straight from Flute's sperm
like that. Crazy, right?
204
00:08:26,346 --> 00:08:28,817
Disqualified contestant: Wait.
It was outercourse, I swear.
205
00:08:28,951 --> 00:08:31,556
The bomber says
he'll strike next at the finals,
206
00:08:31,656 --> 00:08:34,696
so we need to make sure
you make it that far.
207
00:08:34,863 --> 00:08:36,497
But the competition is fierce--
208
00:08:36,498 --> 00:08:40,007
dog uncles, Reddit moderators,
Disney adults,
209
00:08:40,107 --> 00:08:42,745
even a homeschooled
brother and sister pair.
210
00:08:42,879 --> 00:08:46,252
But he's the one to beat--
super virgin Forest Kinsley.
211
00:08:46,352 --> 00:08:49,926
Word is, he's so pure,
he won't even hug his mom.
212
00:08:51,897 --> 00:08:53,968
I'm pretty good at
virginity, too.
213
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:55,838
This competition is
designed to make
214
00:08:55,938 --> 00:08:57,474
pretty good virgins slip up
215
00:08:57,576 --> 00:08:59,244
until only
the strongest one remains.
216
00:08:59,345 --> 00:09:01,782
If I've waited this
long, what's a few more days?
217
00:09:01,783 --> 00:09:03,854
Why have you waited
so long?
218
00:09:03,988 --> 00:09:06,558
Ladies must throw themselves
at you all the time
219
00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:10,432
with your sweet eyes,
that bright LED smile,
220
00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:13,340
those big, wide,
half-manly shoulders.
221
00:09:17,715 --> 00:09:19,317
That's exactly the kind of
slip-up I'm talking about.
222
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,055
I go for bad boys.
223
00:09:21,155 --> 00:09:23,126
You should have known I wouldn't
make a move like that on you.
224
00:09:23,259 --> 00:09:26,097
Right. I'm the complete
opposite of a bad boy.
225
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:29,104
Well, not a good girl,
but a good boy.
226
00:09:29,204 --> 00:09:30,907
So a half opposite.
227
00:09:30,908 --> 00:09:33,579
Hey, I didn't say I'd
never make a move like that.
228
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:37,789
Come on!
It shouldn't be this easy.
229
00:09:37,889 --> 00:09:41,095
Who is this easy for?
'Cause it's not me.
230
00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,702
You're quite good
with explosives.
231
00:09:44,703 --> 00:09:46,673
Thanks. My lack of
a father figure gave me
232
00:09:46,773 --> 00:09:48,544
a bit of a death wish,
which helps.
233
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:51,281
Why?
You want to be my granddaddy?
234
00:09:51,282 --> 00:09:55,624
You--well, I--no--uhh...
I'm joking!
235
00:09:55,724 --> 00:09:58,228
I weirdly feel very comfortable
around you
236
00:09:58,229 --> 00:09:59,632
despite the pedo glasses.
237
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,101
That's actually
why I got them,
238
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,642
so nobody asks me to babysit.
239
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,179
Heh heh.
I handled that well.
240
00:10:06,312 --> 00:10:08,382
Definitely didn't get
Jeremy Renner-ed trying
241
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,018
to stop them from towing it.
242
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:14,394
Hey, um, I think
we need to talk... alone.
243
00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:22,277
Look, it's fine.
I'm not what you were looking--
244
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,820
Wait. You still like me,
even after they told you
245
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,824
my life's a mess?
My whole job is
246
00:10:28,957 --> 00:10:31,362
running into disasters
and coming out unscathed.
247
00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:33,466
I think I can handle you.
Come on. There's not much time.
248
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,136
But someone
might hear us.
249
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:37,073
I'll just put
your head in the microwave.
250
00:10:37,173 --> 00:10:40,479
Excuse me. Mind if I
sit on a phone book and watch?
251
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,989
The case of the haunted
backpack can wait.
252
00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:50,200
Mm!
253
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,737
She's coming over tonight.
254
00:10:51,870 --> 00:10:53,874
Seems your plan to get
in her head didn't work.
255
00:10:53,974 --> 00:10:56,580
Then maybe
I'll get into yours.
256
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,750
Good luck. But if you do
get in my head,
257
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:01,054
let me know if you find
my missing AirPod.
258
00:11:01,188 --> 00:11:03,627
Homework!
259
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,262
If you're looking for
Otis,
260
00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:06,834
he's gonna need a minute.
261
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,704
Competition starts now.
262
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:10,974
We can't wait for those
virginities to lose themselves,
263
00:11:11,108 --> 00:11:13,779
so we may need to help them
get lost.
264
00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:15,718
Isn't that cheating?
265
00:11:15,818 --> 00:11:17,521
Can you ever do
something wrong?
266
00:11:17,522 --> 00:11:19,024
I cheated on my taxes
once.
267
00:11:19,124 --> 00:11:20,828
Tried to pay more than I owed.
268
00:11:20,995 --> 00:11:23,164
Teachers and roads need
all the help they can get.
269
00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:26,370
Don't worry.
I'll do something wrong.
270
00:11:26,371 --> 00:11:27,974
I'm sure you will.
271
00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:30,581
First up,
the swimsuit competition.
272
00:11:33,353 --> 00:11:37,026
♪ Virgin Games ♪
273
00:11:37,126 --> 00:11:38,963
It's a small world
after all.
274
00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:40,967
It's a small world after all...
275
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:44,642
Hakuna matata. Look at
the Pumbaa on that guy.
276
00:11:44,742 --> 00:11:47,714
Man, silly voice:
Sorry about that. Hyuk!
277
00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:53,058
♪ Who will win,
and who will lose? ♪
278
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:06,351
♪ Virgin Games ♪
279
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,369
Sure are a lot of sexy,
mouthwatering,
280
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:18,042
pants-tightening foods here.
281
00:12:18,175 --> 00:12:22,885
♪ Who will win,
and who will lose... ♪
282
00:12:24,355 --> 00:12:28,262
♪ At the Virgin Games? ♪
283
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:32,203
Why are you wearing that?
284
00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:34,173
Oh, Kang said
I looked cold,
285
00:12:34,174 --> 00:12:36,211
so he gave me one of his extras.
Ugh.
286
00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:39,318
Let's get you out of that, like,
now. Eee!
287
00:12:39,451 --> 00:12:41,823
Here. Let me try.
288
00:12:41,923 --> 00:12:44,327
What? Oh. These?
I found them in the pocket.
289
00:12:44,427 --> 00:12:48,235
It's so weird. Kang and I have
the same prescription.
290
00:12:48,236 --> 00:12:52,310
Oh. It's stuck.
Hopefully, yours isn't.
291
00:12:52,311 --> 00:12:54,849
Uh! Ah. Ooh.
292
00:12:54,949 --> 00:12:56,619
I like this belt.
293
00:12:56,719 --> 00:12:58,288
Uh, come again?
294
00:12:58,289 --> 00:12:59,559
Don't mind if I do.
295
00:12:59,692 --> 00:13:01,061
Aah!
296
00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,865
You want to try some role play?
297
00:13:02,965 --> 00:13:05,303
You be the boss and I'll be
the corporate ladder
298
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:06,973
you're trying to climb.
299
00:13:07,107 --> 00:13:09,110
Get away from me!
What's got into you?
300
00:13:09,244 --> 00:13:11,481
You did,
you little vengeful bitch.
301
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,319
Yeah. There it is.
302
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,434
Is stealing my car
part of the role play?
303
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:23,372
Because it is weirdly working.
304
00:13:23,472 --> 00:13:25,442
30 of the remaining
virgins are out tonight
305
00:13:25,443 --> 00:13:28,316
after mysteriously
getting locked in a wine cellar.
306
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,020
with The Weeknd on repeat,
307
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,858
including crowd favorites
Miley and Riley.
308
00:13:32,992 --> 00:13:35,630
How do you feel now
that your journey has ended?
309
00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:39,573
I wish my sister and I
had entered last year. Heh heh!
310
00:13:41,208 --> 00:13:42,911
I can't believe you
locked them in there.
311
00:13:42,912 --> 00:13:44,681
I've never seen
this side of you.
312
00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:48,189
Then it might be time
to get your eyes checked, bitch.
313
00:13:48,289 --> 00:13:51,028
Ha ha!
314
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:53,901
Nice try.
I'm not falling for that again.
315
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,671
I know what you're doing.
316
00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:59,011
Yep. You nailed me.
It. Nailed it. Are you hot?
317
00:13:59,178 --> 00:14:01,516
I mean, are you getting hotter?
318
00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:05,557
Uh, um, I--I got--I gotta go.
319
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:12,202
Psst! Wynona, it's me.
320
00:14:12,203 --> 00:14:14,809
Martinez? Are you coming
from a children's play?
321
00:14:14,943 --> 00:14:16,478
I'm checking in.
How's it going?
322
00:14:16,613 --> 00:14:18,081
Not good.
323
00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:19,585
I think I'm falling
for the monster I created.
324
00:14:19,586 --> 00:14:21,155
Oh, stop it.
325
00:14:21,288 --> 00:14:23,192
You only want him because you
can't have him.
326
00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:25,063
Same thing happens to me when I
see something on the top shelf.
327
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:26,966
You're right.
328
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:28,369
I just need to squash
these feelings and help him win.
329
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:35,082
Dang, he did get hot.
Good luck.
330
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:44,334
Kang, You bastard.
Huh.
331
00:14:44,435 --> 00:14:46,170
I guess you never fixed that
zipper.
332
00:14:46,171 --> 00:14:48,041
You didn't even care
about her until I did.
333
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,679
I still don't care
about her,
334
00:14:49,813 --> 00:14:51,247
and neither do you, young man.
335
00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:53,552
You don't know me,
oldest man.
336
00:14:53,553 --> 00:14:56,324
"Oldest man"?
Your mouth is sending a Venmo
337
00:14:56,424 --> 00:14:58,997
your butt doesn't have
two-factor authentication
338
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,066
to cash. How's that
for a modern reference?
339
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,841
That's it. I'm sending
you two dumb-skulls to HR
340
00:15:03,941 --> 00:15:05,209
to figure this out.
341
00:15:05,309 --> 00:15:07,313
HR manager:
Let's keep this civil.
342
00:15:07,446 --> 00:15:10,653
No accusations, no swearing,
no hits below the belt.
343
00:15:12,691 --> 00:15:14,060
All right. Touch gloves
344
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,265
and express what you hope
to get out of this.
345
00:15:16,398 --> 00:15:18,201
If you win,
you can date Charlotte,
346
00:15:18,202 --> 00:15:19,772
but if you lose,
you have to break it off
347
00:15:19,773 --> 00:15:21,509
and never see her again.
348
00:15:21,642 --> 00:15:23,279
I don't like beating up
old men, but if that's
349
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:25,149
what it takes to get what I
want,
350
00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:28,590
or walk a little faster on
the sidewalk, then so be it.
351
00:15:28,690 --> 00:15:30,291
Uh!
352
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,863
That was just
a windbreaker?
353
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,235
We're not hitting in
the face, right?
354
00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:37,006
Uh! Call it, call it, call it.
Aah.
355
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:38,710
Hey,
Wendy, you might want to tell
356
00:15:38,844 --> 00:15:40,311
the breastfeeding
during meetings case
357
00:15:40,312 --> 00:15:42,316
to get their gloves on.
This is gonna be quick.
358
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:49,899
And what Hollywood
never tells you is
359
00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:51,636
that sometimes
it's the yellow wire.
360
00:15:54,842 --> 00:15:56,144
Can I have a word
with you
361
00:15:56,278 --> 00:15:58,015
when you've put down
the sharp objects?
362
00:15:58,115 --> 00:16:00,887
Why? Are you
breaking up with me? Ha ha!
363
00:16:01,021 --> 00:16:04,461
Wait. Really?
Oh, I get it now.
364
00:16:04,562 --> 00:16:07,234
You're having kinkier sex
with someone else.
365
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,371
Uh...
366
00:16:09,471 --> 00:16:10,874
yup.
367
00:16:11,008 --> 00:16:12,476
How could I be
so stupid
368
00:16:12,477 --> 00:16:14,280
to think we had something,
that I'd found someone
369
00:16:14,414 --> 00:16:16,051
who could drink and--and party
370
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:18,188
and--and honk my boobs
as much as I do?
371
00:16:18,288 --> 00:16:19,992
Women honk
their own boobs?
372
00:16:19,993 --> 00:16:21,294
It's a great stress reliever,
373
00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:22,931
and I'm very stressed right now.
374
00:16:24,702 --> 00:16:26,940
They found a bomb
at the games. Let's roll.
375
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,277
Ugh. Whatever.
376
00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:31,616
Flute, we still have
a job to do.
377
00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:34,021
Enjoy your win.
I'm sitting this out.
378
00:16:34,154 --> 00:16:38,629
She's all not yours now.
379
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,603
We've made it to the finals.
380
00:16:41,703 --> 00:16:44,776
Time to find out
who's the best at oral...
381
00:16:44,876 --> 00:16:46,479
questions.
382
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:48,650
So anything
you want to say to me?
383
00:16:48,783 --> 00:16:50,319
Maybe begins with an "S"
384
00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:51,889
and ends with an "...orry.
I didn't believe
385
00:16:52,023 --> 00:16:53,426
how bad a boy you could be,
Summers."
386
00:16:53,527 --> 00:16:55,328
Would you stop
acting like that?
387
00:16:55,329 --> 00:16:57,333
I thought
this was what you wanted.
388
00:16:57,467 --> 00:16:59,104
What a woman wants is
not what we need,
389
00:16:59,237 --> 00:17:00,641
Which is exactly
the way we want it,
390
00:17:00,741 --> 00:17:03,312
and I need you to understand
that, OK? Ugh!
391
00:17:03,412 --> 00:17:05,415
Uh...
392
00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:08,589
Summers, before I
ask you your question,
393
00:17:08,590 --> 00:17:13,733
let's bring Trixie to the stage.
394
00:17:15,637 --> 00:17:20,279
Your question is, What's
the hardest part about waiting?
395
00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:27,394
There's so many
hard parts--the doubt, the pain,
396
00:17:27,494 --> 00:17:29,463
all the mistakes you make
along the way.
397
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:32,505
But the hardest part--
the hardest part is
398
00:17:32,605 --> 00:17:36,011
finding that someone
who's worth waiting for.
399
00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:39,216
And once you do that,
nothing seems hard.
400
00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:42,456
Trixie and spectators: Aw.
401
00:17:42,557 --> 00:17:44,092
No!
402
00:17:44,093 --> 00:17:47,133
The hardest part is
this town glorifying virginity
403
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,003
because some lady 400 years ago
couldn't get laid.
404
00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:50,540
Maybe it's time you all see
405
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,112
what a virgin sacrifice
really looks like.
406
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,271
Oh, so this is why
you don't get close to family.
407
00:18:06,371 --> 00:18:09,443
That way, it's easier
to watch them explode. Smart.
408
00:18:11,248 --> 00:18:13,285
Just leave it.
Save yourself.
409
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,690
No, I defuse it
or I die trying.
410
00:18:15,824 --> 00:18:18,028
I forbid you to stay here
any longer.
411
00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:19,363
Would you quit acting
like that?
412
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,167
Like what?
Forbidding me,
413
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,738
giving me jackets.
414
00:18:22,871 --> 00:18:24,641
God. It's like you're my grandpa
or something.
415
00:18:24,642 --> 00:18:27,345
What if I kind of
was your grandpa?
416
00:18:27,346 --> 00:18:30,252
Wha--what the hell
are you talking about?
417
00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:33,225
I am your great-grandpa.
418
00:18:33,226 --> 00:18:35,029
And why would I believe that?
419
00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:36,732
Because you're just
like me.
420
00:18:36,832 --> 00:18:39,471
We both treat human connection
like it's a red wire--
421
00:18:39,572 --> 00:18:42,143
something to cut before it
blows up in our faces.
422
00:18:42,277 --> 00:18:43,814
That's why I hide from my family
423
00:18:43,947 --> 00:18:46,886
and why you date men you know
won't stick around.
424
00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:48,590
But if we don't change that,
425
00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:50,459
then we may as well
blow to pieces
426
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,067
because what's the point of
living?
427
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,738
Grandpa.
428
00:18:58,309 --> 00:19:00,212
Oh, crap.
429
00:19:05,189 --> 00:19:07,427
Flute?
What the hell was that?
430
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:10,900
That was 35.95
at the gender reveal store,
431
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:12,570
but the lesson was priceless.
432
00:19:12,571 --> 00:19:14,207
Still going to Zelle you for it, though.
433
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:15,877
You called in
a bomb threat
434
00:19:15,977 --> 00:19:18,816
to finally bring us together?
No. I did it
435
00:19:18,817 --> 00:19:20,719
so you'd give me your blessing
to have sex with her again,
436
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,460
but sure.
So can I have it, please?
437
00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:26,365
Actually, Flute,
I've realized
438
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,503
my adrenaline-fueled
sex addiction
439
00:19:28,636 --> 00:19:31,307
was because I was scared of
real connections.
440
00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:33,613
But now that I've made one,
441
00:19:33,713 --> 00:19:36,450
I'm realizing I need to work
on me for a little while.
442
00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:38,121
And that was
443
00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:40,226
the second lesson
I was teaching.
444
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,565
So, so glad it worked out.
445
00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:46,372
Hey, I'm sorry about
Charlotte
446
00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:49,110
and for puncturing your lung
during the fight.
447
00:19:49,244 --> 00:19:50,981
Maybe I'm destined
to be alone
448
00:19:51,115 --> 00:19:52,818
and only have one working lung.
449
00:19:52,951 --> 00:19:55,557
You know, it might
be good to get it some cardio.
450
00:19:55,657 --> 00:19:57,994
Maybe we could take that
tandem bike ride this weekend.
451
00:19:57,995 --> 00:19:59,898
Really?
452
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,069
I mean, uh, yeah. That sounds--
453
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:04,608
great.
454
00:20:06,411 --> 00:20:08,649
Forest,
why are you doing this?
455
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:10,787
Because this town
idolizes virginity,
456
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,058
when everywhere else, people try
to get rid of it.
457
00:20:13,059 --> 00:20:15,361
I wasted my life training
to be a virgin,
458
00:20:15,362 --> 00:20:17,535
learning to juggle,
skipping the gym every day,
459
00:20:17,668 --> 00:20:19,470
memorizing all the words to
"Zootopia."
460
00:20:19,471 --> 00:20:21,174
I'm doing this to make a point,
461
00:20:21,274 --> 00:20:23,178
so that nobody ever
has to do it again.
462
00:20:23,312 --> 00:20:25,550
That's why there is
a bomb in my stomach.
463
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:28,989
And I bet it's a big
one since you're so backed up.
464
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:31,494
No. I mean I'm gonna blow.
465
00:20:31,495 --> 00:20:34,301
And it's OK if you do.
You're wearing pants.
466
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:38,642
No. There's a bomb
inside of me!
467
00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:40,513
There's a bomb inside us all,
468
00:20:40,514 --> 00:20:42,784
but once it explodes,
you'll realize it's harmless.
469
00:20:45,456 --> 00:20:47,894
Oh.
That's what he meant.
470
00:21:02,123 --> 00:21:03,794
And now the transfer of
the chastity belt and crown
471
00:21:03,894 --> 00:21:07,467
from last year's winner
to this year's winner.
472
00:21:07,568 --> 00:21:09,738
Former winner: Finally I'm free.
473
00:21:09,838 --> 00:21:13,078
My mandatory year of celibacy
is up.
474
00:21:13,179 --> 00:21:14,648
Mandatory year of
what, now?
475
00:21:18,857 --> 00:21:21,395
I wonder if I should
stop liking her.
476
00:21:21,495 --> 00:21:23,098
Nah. I could wait a year.
477
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:26,204
I once waited three years
for "Curb Your Enthusiasm."
478
00:21:26,304 --> 00:21:28,810
Ha ha! Larry David.
479
00:21:34,922 --> 00:21:35,823
Bento.
36279
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