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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:56,434 --> 00:00:57,902 Mmm. 4 00:00:59,637 --> 00:01:01,205 -My husband! -Mmm? 5 00:01:02,006 --> 00:01:03,174 Thank you for last night. 6 00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:17,989 (GASPS) 7 00:01:18,856 --> 00:01:20,391 Thank you for last night. 8 00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:31,669 (TIRES SCREECHING) 9 00:01:39,843 --> 00:01:41,445 Thank you for last night. 10 00:01:44,282 --> 00:01:45,283 (CHUCKLES) 11 00:01:50,154 --> 00:01:53,291 * I'll keep you my dirty little secret 12 00:01:53,391 --> 00:01:55,226 * Dirty little secret 13 00:01:55,326 --> 00:02:00,564 * Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret 14 00:02:00,664 --> 00:02:03,101 * Just another regret Hope that you can keep it 15 00:02:03,201 --> 00:02:08,406 * My dirty little secret Dirty little secret Dirty little secret 16 00:02:08,506 --> 00:02:10,074 * Who has to know 17 00:02:10,174 --> 00:02:12,243 -(BANGING) -(BELL RINGING) 18 00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:14,078 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 19 00:02:15,713 --> 00:02:17,148 Shit! 20 00:02:18,116 --> 00:02:19,150 (TIRES SCREECHING) 21 00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:22,620 (TRAIN HORN BLOWING) 22 00:02:24,522 --> 00:02:25,689 (SCREAMING) 23 00:02:31,462 --> 00:02:34,298 Today, these visually-impaired senior citizens 24 00:02:34,398 --> 00:02:37,235 will fulfill a lifelong dream. 25 00:02:39,870 --> 00:02:41,739 To swim with dolphins. 26 00:02:41,839 --> 00:02:43,207 (DOLPHIN SQUEALING) 27 00:02:44,108 --> 00:02:45,376 BOY: Hey, check this out. 28 00:02:46,477 --> 00:02:47,711 What is that? 29 00:02:47,811 --> 00:02:51,482 Careful. That is four years of research. 30 00:02:51,582 --> 00:02:52,816 A technological breakthrough, 31 00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:55,153 which might just save a life or two. 32 00:02:55,253 --> 00:02:57,121 -What's it for? -It's a device to prevent 33 00:02:57,221 --> 00:02:59,157 the beaching of cetaceans. 34 00:02:59,257 --> 00:03:00,991 That's "whales" to you and me. 35 00:03:01,092 --> 00:03:04,528 Cetaceans, huh? That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 36 00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:09,233 I'm not a man-whore. 37 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,303 I'm a fish enthusiast. 38 00:03:12,403 --> 00:03:14,272 I stopped man-whoring when I met my wife. 39 00:03:14,372 --> 00:03:16,740 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon 40 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,576 because you tried to feed the sharks. 41 00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:21,645 You tell your mom I was trying to feed the turtles! 42 00:03:21,745 --> 00:03:22,713 I didn't realize there was 43 00:03:22,813 --> 00:03:23,914 meat sauce on the lettuce. 44 00:03:24,014 --> 00:03:26,150 Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't even work, 45 00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:27,651 you stupid he-bitch. 46 00:03:27,751 --> 00:03:30,321 -Come on, I got it! -Hey, you little bastards. 47 00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:32,390 Hey, give that back! That's not a toy! 48 00:03:34,258 --> 00:03:36,527 WOMAN: That's the one. That's your grandma. 49 00:03:36,627 --> 00:03:38,762 Gimme... Come on! Gimme! I... 50 00:03:38,862 --> 00:03:40,164 (HIGH-PITCHED SOUND) 51 00:03:41,899 --> 00:03:43,401 (CROWD SCREAMING) 52 00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:45,169 (SCREAMING) 53 00:03:46,804 --> 00:03:48,972 (SCREAMING) 54 00:03:49,073 --> 00:03:50,874 Something... Something seems to be going wrong. 55 00:03:50,974 --> 00:03:52,343 I'm not sure what's happening. 56 00:03:52,443 --> 00:03:54,612 -Yee-haw! -(BANGING) 57 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:55,713 Oh! 58 00:03:55,813 --> 00:03:57,348 I gotcha! I gotcha! 59 00:04:01,085 --> 00:04:04,188 * Here's wishing you the bluest skies 60 00:04:04,288 --> 00:04:07,725 * Hoping something better comes tomorrow 61 00:04:09,127 --> 00:04:11,529 Hey, everybody. I'm home. 62 00:04:11,629 --> 00:04:13,864 * And the very best of choruses to 63 00:04:13,964 --> 00:04:15,499 * Follow all the doubt 64 00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:18,169 Hi, Kate. I missed you today. 65 00:04:19,337 --> 00:04:21,839 The prototype's almost working. 66 00:04:21,939 --> 00:04:23,941 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 67 00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:28,879 * Here's hoping all the days ahead won't be as bitter * 68 00:04:28,979 --> 00:04:30,581 MALE REPORTER: This is Wes Takahashi in Malibu, 69 00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:32,783 where three blind swimmers are still missing. 70 00:04:32,883 --> 00:04:35,653 I hope that man rots in hell! 71 00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:38,656 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ba... 72 00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:40,624 (PHONE RINGING) 73 00:04:46,797 --> 00:04:49,867 Hello? 74 00:04:49,967 --> 00:04:51,702 -T.J.? -I'm in Amsterdam! 75 00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:54,272 Man, you'd love it over here. It's like Disneyland 76 00:04:54,372 --> 00:04:56,774 for college students. You wouldn't believe this shit. 77 00:04:56,874 --> 00:04:59,910 Why don't you come on over and let your old friend T.J. show you a good time? 78 00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:01,612 Oh, that's crazy. I can't. 79 00:05:01,712 --> 00:05:04,482 Look, it ain't like you got somethin' better to do over there. 80 00:05:04,582 --> 00:05:06,750 Amsterdam is so far away. 81 00:05:06,850 --> 00:05:08,886 Police have just released a sketch of a man 82 00:05:08,986 --> 00:05:11,088 wanted for questioning. Witnesses report 83 00:05:11,189 --> 00:05:14,992 he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 84 00:05:15,092 --> 00:05:17,961 On the other hand, far away could be good. 85 00:05:18,061 --> 00:05:19,663 (PLANE TAKING OFF) 86 00:05:21,632 --> 00:05:23,234 Is my wife gonna be okay in there? 87 00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:24,368 ATTENDANT: She'll be fine, sir. 88 00:05:24,468 --> 00:05:26,504 DEUCE: All right. 89 00:05:26,604 --> 00:05:28,439 WOMAN 1: (ON PA) Ladies and gentlemen, flight 10 from Helsinki is 90 00:05:28,539 --> 00:05:31,342 -now arriving at Gate A-12. -Excuse me. I think there's been a mix-up. 91 00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,145 Oh, sorry! Sorry. 92 00:05:35,246 --> 00:05:38,148 That's okay. I've always wondered what it would feel like to be a white woman. 93 00:05:38,982 --> 00:05:39,917 Can I borrow it? 94 00:05:40,017 --> 00:05:41,385 Gimme that! 95 00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:44,054 Hold on! 96 00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:45,823 WOMAN 2: (ON PA) All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 97 00:05:46,724 --> 00:05:49,727 -Ow! -Ow! 98 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,762 -Oh! -Oh! 99 00:05:52,496 --> 00:05:53,997 Oh! 100 00:05:54,097 --> 00:05:56,934 (WHISPERING) Excuse me. Okay. 101 00:06:05,743 --> 00:06:07,911 DEUCE: Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 102 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,782 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 103 00:06:11,882 --> 00:06:15,719 You have nothing to worry about! I'm a fish expert, remember? 104 00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:19,457 What is that over there? 105 00:06:19,557 --> 00:06:21,292 Oh that's just some kid with a fin on his back 106 00:06:21,392 --> 00:06:22,626 trying to scare us. 107 00:06:22,726 --> 00:06:24,194 Are you sure? 108 00:06:24,295 --> 00:06:26,964 Yeah! Do you think the hotel would let us swim out here 109 00:06:27,064 --> 00:06:28,399 if there were sharks? 110 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:32,870 Come on. This is Mexico! 111 00:06:34,672 --> 00:06:36,507 They know what they're doing. 112 00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:37,975 (LAUGHING) 113 00:06:39,377 --> 00:06:41,345 (GASPING) 114 00:06:48,819 --> 00:06:50,821 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 115 00:06:50,921 --> 00:06:54,292 MAN: Fuck you, American. You imperialist bastard! 116 00:06:54,392 --> 00:06:57,528 I love America! I love President Bush! 117 00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:59,930 Thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq! 118 00:07:00,030 --> 00:07:01,265 MAN: Shut up! 119 00:07:01,365 --> 00:07:02,966 -WOMAN: Oh, shit! -(SPLASHING) 120 00:07:04,535 --> 00:07:06,003 Oh, hello! Sir! 121 00:07:06,670 --> 00:07:08,339 Is this okay? 122 00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:09,807 You did miss a spot. 123 00:07:16,013 --> 00:07:17,748 Did I get it? 124 00:07:17,848 --> 00:07:19,249 Put some elbow in it! 125 00:07:22,653 --> 00:07:23,754 Sorry, honey. 126 00:07:29,026 --> 00:07:31,329 Huh. What's with all these red lights? 127 00:07:32,663 --> 00:07:34,665 I wonder if they know their curtains are open. 128 00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:39,303 Oh, man. 129 00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,006 Ahoy there. 130 00:07:44,442 --> 00:07:46,377 Big Deucey in Amsterdam. 131 00:07:46,477 --> 00:07:47,711 (LAUGHING) 132 00:07:47,811 --> 00:07:48,912 Man, get on over here. 133 00:07:50,147 --> 00:07:51,449 Deucey. 134 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,718 -Look at this boat. -Check this out. 135 00:07:57,087 --> 00:07:58,722 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 136 00:07:59,690 --> 00:08:00,924 T.J.: You like that? 137 00:08:05,929 --> 00:08:07,297 (MUSIC STOPS) 138 00:08:07,398 --> 00:08:08,932 I couldn't be happier for ya. 139 00:08:09,032 --> 00:08:11,735 -Come on, let me show you my float crib. -Okay. 140 00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:13,937 -Yeah! Lookin' like money. -Yeah! 141 00:08:14,037 --> 00:08:16,807 So, you're gonna have a good time, man. Huh? 142 00:08:19,242 --> 00:08:21,379 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 143 00:08:22,646 --> 00:08:23,914 Oh. 144 00:08:24,014 --> 00:08:26,850 It's nice. I like what you've done with it. 145 00:08:26,950 --> 00:08:28,719 Now if you gotta use the bathroom, 146 00:08:28,819 --> 00:08:32,423 lift up the toilet seat. This is where I live, it's my home. 147 00:08:32,523 --> 00:08:34,725 Don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 148 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:40,163 What do you think of the float crib, you feelin' it? Huh? 149 00:08:40,263 --> 00:08:43,000 T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. 150 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,702 Naw, naw, naw. It's just high tide. 151 00:08:46,269 --> 00:08:48,806 Is that what I think it is? 152 00:08:48,906 --> 00:08:51,809 Yeah. I brought Kate. 153 00:08:51,909 --> 00:08:54,645 I really wanna show her a good time. Ya know? 154 00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:56,346 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 155 00:08:58,616 --> 00:08:59,617 Deucey. 156 00:09:00,951 --> 00:09:04,221 Keepin' that leg is kind of creepy. 157 00:09:04,321 --> 00:09:06,824 -You gotta move on with your life. -LIL' KIM: T.J.! 158 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:13,363 -Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? -I no more man-whore. Too much danger. 159 00:09:16,099 --> 00:09:17,768 Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. 160 00:09:20,270 --> 00:09:23,541 Listen up, Lil' Kim. When your little, bony ass had SARS, 161 00:09:23,641 --> 00:09:25,375 who got ya out of quarantine? 162 00:09:25,476 --> 00:09:27,445 Go make me some money. 163 00:09:27,545 --> 00:09:30,514 No way! I take my three inches elsewhere. 164 00:09:31,982 --> 00:09:34,051 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 165 00:09:34,151 --> 00:09:36,053 (BELLS TOLLING) 166 00:09:36,153 --> 00:09:38,221 So I thought I'd come over here and make a killin'. 167 00:09:38,321 --> 00:09:40,624 Got myself a houseboat, some hos. 168 00:09:40,724 --> 00:09:44,628 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho is a floatin' man-ho. 169 00:09:44,728 --> 00:09:45,929 Makes sense. 170 00:09:46,029 --> 00:09:48,198 Then all these man-whore murders started. 171 00:09:48,298 --> 00:09:50,300 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 172 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,169 What kind of world do we live in 173 00:09:52,269 --> 00:09:54,071 where the streets ain't safe for male prostitutes? 174 00:09:55,606 --> 00:09:58,509 SERVER: Here's your hashish. Enjoy. 175 00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:01,612 -Hashish? -Yeah. 176 00:10:01,712 --> 00:10:04,314 -No. -Yo-ho-ho-ho. 177 00:10:04,414 --> 00:10:06,216 I thought you said this was a coffee shop. 178 00:10:06,316 --> 00:10:09,052 Let me break it down for ya, Deucey. You're in Amsterdam. 179 00:10:09,152 --> 00:10:11,455 If you want coffee, you go to a cafe. 180 00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:14,658 If you want marijuana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, 181 00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:15,993 you go to a coffee shop. 182 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:19,096 That's where you is now. Mmm-hmm. 183 00:10:20,631 --> 00:10:21,965 (LAUGHING) 184 00:10:25,869 --> 00:10:28,939 Put that away! Cops! Cops! 185 00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:30,608 Hold it right there. 186 00:10:38,381 --> 00:10:40,551 Now, that joint looks loose. 187 00:10:40,651 --> 00:10:41,985 If you want, I'll roll the next one. 188 00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:44,488 Have a good evening, huh? 189 00:10:46,256 --> 00:10:48,492 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 190 00:10:48,592 --> 00:10:51,094 It's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 191 00:10:51,194 --> 00:10:53,196 No. I'm not smokin' nothin'. 192 00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:54,965 Oh, come on, man. 193 00:10:55,065 --> 00:10:56,934 Deucey don't smoke. 194 00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:59,837 Suit yourself. Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer, 195 00:10:59,937 --> 00:11:02,205 the gigolo with the most below. 196 00:11:02,305 --> 00:11:03,741 What do you want, T.J.? I'm busy. 197 00:11:03,841 --> 00:11:06,276 I wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 198 00:11:06,376 --> 00:11:08,111 He's a gigolo from America. 199 00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:09,580 Hi. 200 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:10,814 (LAUGHING) 201 00:11:13,617 --> 00:11:16,153 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 202 00:11:16,253 --> 00:11:18,121 How much you gettin' for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 203 00:11:18,221 --> 00:11:19,823 Because I could get you more. 204 00:11:19,923 --> 00:11:21,692 HEINZ: A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 205 00:11:21,792 --> 00:11:23,594 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 206 00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:25,462 See ya around, T.J. 207 00:11:25,563 --> 00:11:26,797 Hey, the Man-whore Awards are comin' up. 208 00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:28,498 Don't you wanna win the Golden Boner? 209 00:11:28,599 --> 00:11:31,769 I already won it twice. Just ask your ex-fiance. 210 00:11:33,236 --> 00:11:35,005 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 211 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,409 I can't believe prostitution's legal here. 212 00:11:39,509 --> 00:11:42,245 Oh, yeah, it's big business. They got a union, dental plan. 213 00:11:42,345 --> 00:11:45,115 Man, if I had a he-bitch like Heinz Hummer, 214 00:11:45,215 --> 00:11:46,784 put me back in the game. 215 00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,386 Is he that good? 216 00:11:49,486 --> 00:11:51,088 Is he that good? They don't call him "Lord of the Wangs" for nothin'. 217 00:11:52,289 --> 00:11:53,724 Man, what I wouldn't give... 218 00:11:55,025 --> 00:11:56,560 For Heinz's wang? 219 00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:58,261 Naw, I don't want Heinz's wang. 220 00:11:58,361 --> 00:11:59,763 I want him as a client. 221 00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:02,833 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 222 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:06,336 Talkin' about me wantin' Heinz's big, juicy wang. 223 00:12:06,436 --> 00:12:08,639 People would think I'm gay. 224 00:12:08,739 --> 00:12:11,041 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world. 225 00:12:11,141 --> 00:12:12,710 His reputation. 226 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:15,212 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 227 00:12:15,312 --> 00:12:16,780 Bon appetit. 228 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:17,848 What is this? 229 00:12:17,948 --> 00:12:19,049 Spacecake. 230 00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:21,919 Why do they call it that? 231 00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:24,021 You know, it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 232 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:29,693 I'm starving. 233 00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:33,897 It's a little dry. 234 00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:36,800 -Keep eatin'. It gets better. -Hmm. 235 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:39,269 -Ya sure you don't want any? -No. 236 00:12:39,369 --> 00:12:41,672 Never been high, never gonna be. 237 00:12:43,941 --> 00:12:47,177 It's pretty good cake, though. Fuckin' excellent. 238 00:12:54,151 --> 00:12:56,987 * Nights in white satin 239 00:12:58,155 --> 00:13:02,125 * Never reaching the end 240 00:13:02,225 --> 00:13:03,393 (T.J. LAUGHING) 241 00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:06,229 * Letters I've written 242 00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:08,265 Whoo! 243 00:13:08,365 --> 00:13:10,634 * Never meaning to send 244 00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:17,274 * Beauty I'd always missed 245 00:13:17,374 --> 00:13:20,911 * With these eyes before 246 00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:24,815 You. 247 00:13:27,484 --> 00:13:28,952 Come on in here. 248 00:13:29,052 --> 00:13:31,154 You, you want me to... 249 00:13:31,254 --> 00:13:32,756 Yes, you. 250 00:13:35,225 --> 00:13:39,763 * Yes, I love you Oh, how I love you 251 00:13:45,202 --> 00:13:48,772 * Oh, oh Oh, how I love you * 252 00:13:51,809 --> 00:13:53,443 Maybe you can help me. 253 00:13:53,543 --> 00:13:55,145 Really? 254 00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:57,915 I don't want a man who is chiseled, and sculpted. 255 00:13:59,349 --> 00:14:02,052 I like soft and weak. 256 00:14:02,152 --> 00:14:03,353 You do? 257 00:14:03,453 --> 00:14:06,824 I want a man who is unemployed, 258 00:14:06,924 --> 00:14:09,659 and went to a community college. 259 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,995 I am! And I did! 260 00:14:12,095 --> 00:14:14,164 And you know what really turns me on? 261 00:14:14,264 --> 00:14:16,099 What? 262 00:14:16,199 --> 00:14:20,503 It's thinking about him in his tighty-whiteys, sitting at his computer 263 00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:23,540 and visiting different porn sites, and taking 264 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,677 the free tour, with no intention of ever joining. 265 00:14:27,778 --> 00:14:28,979 I don't have a credit card! 266 00:14:29,847 --> 00:14:31,114 Kiss my chest. 267 00:14:31,214 --> 00:14:32,682 Okay. 268 00:14:34,084 --> 00:14:35,853 Harder! 269 00:14:35,953 --> 00:14:37,187 -Bite me! -You sure? 270 00:14:37,287 --> 00:14:38,455 Harder! Bite me harder! 271 00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:40,824 (SCREAMING) 272 00:14:40,924 --> 00:14:43,961 -Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! -Huh? 273 00:14:46,463 --> 00:14:48,899 No more Spacecakes for you. 274 00:14:51,935 --> 00:14:56,373 Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. I must have gotten a contact buzz. 275 00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:58,641 What did I tell you about making me look gay? 276 00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:00,543 Not 10 minutes go by, and you got your sloppy mouth 277 00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:02,479 all over my breasteses. 278 00:15:02,579 --> 00:15:04,247 My nipple's ruined! 279 00:15:04,347 --> 00:15:06,249 You're lucky I was born with a spare. 280 00:15:09,486 --> 00:15:11,588 There go one of my hos. 281 00:15:11,688 --> 00:15:13,891 The old guy in the walker's one of your hos? 282 00:15:13,991 --> 00:15:17,394 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there makin' me my money? 283 00:15:17,494 --> 00:15:20,831 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 284 00:15:20,931 --> 00:15:23,500 Deucey, meet me back at the float crib. 285 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,804 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 286 00:15:26,904 --> 00:15:30,373 I raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. 287 00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:33,877 Then, bam! Feel my pimp hand. 288 00:15:36,914 --> 00:15:38,248 Where's the boat? 289 00:15:51,829 --> 00:15:53,430 (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) You scared me. 290 00:15:55,298 --> 00:15:59,202 Hey. Do you know who I am? I am Heinz Hummer. 291 00:15:59,302 --> 00:16:02,172 I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 292 00:16:02,272 --> 00:16:05,042 I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 293 00:16:05,142 --> 00:16:07,777 I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle 294 00:16:07,878 --> 00:16:10,080 that will make you scream all night. Okay? 295 00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:14,017 But not now, 'cause I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 296 00:16:14,117 --> 00:16:18,055 Ugh! Wait a second. Do I know you? 297 00:16:21,691 --> 00:16:28,398 New... Jizz... Wizz... Wer... Burger king... 298 00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:30,968 (MAN WHISTLING) 299 00:16:42,679 --> 00:16:43,981 Heinz. 300 00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:53,123 Man, are you wasted. 301 00:16:58,261 --> 00:16:59,897 I gotcha. 302 00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:03,466 Coming up next, more weather. 303 00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:05,402 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 304 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:06,469 DEUCE: What's this? 305 00:17:08,671 --> 00:17:10,307 Hey, hey, Heinz, wake up. Check this out. 306 00:17:12,575 --> 00:17:13,543 Holy shit! 307 00:17:15,645 --> 00:17:19,382 Europe just got a little better. Whoo! 308 00:17:19,482 --> 00:17:22,920 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 309 00:17:23,020 --> 00:17:24,888 You gotta keep your bitches in line. 310 00:17:24,988 --> 00:17:26,489 Yeah. 311 00:17:26,589 --> 00:17:27,724 What's he doin' here? 312 00:17:27,824 --> 00:17:29,526 I found him passed out in the alley. 313 00:17:29,626 --> 00:17:31,828 I couldn't just leave him there. 314 00:17:31,929 --> 00:17:33,663 I put in a good word for ya. 315 00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:35,899 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 316 00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:39,336 I knew you'd come around. 317 00:17:41,138 --> 00:17:44,274 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 318 00:17:45,976 --> 00:17:48,278 No. He can't be. 319 00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:51,214 I'm tellin' you Heinz is dead. 320 00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:52,449 See for yourself! 321 00:17:58,288 --> 00:17:59,322 Watch this. 322 00:18:05,395 --> 00:18:06,563 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 323 00:18:13,803 --> 00:18:15,939 I can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 324 00:18:16,039 --> 00:18:17,207 What were you thinkin'? 325 00:18:17,307 --> 00:18:19,009 I didn't know you could die from pot. 326 00:18:19,109 --> 00:18:21,044 This is no pot-related fatality. 327 00:18:21,144 --> 00:18:22,712 This is no ganja accident. 328 00:18:22,812 --> 00:18:24,681 This man was murdered. 329 00:18:27,484 --> 00:18:29,186 The Man-whore Killer did this? 330 00:18:32,255 --> 00:18:34,457 -We gotta call the police. -No, no, no! Hey, hey! 331 00:18:35,092 --> 00:18:36,459 Damn, white boy. 332 00:18:36,559 --> 00:18:38,861 You think the police gonna believe a stoned black pimp 333 00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:41,564 had nothin' to do with a dead prosti-dude in his float crib? 334 00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:54,577 Before I toss your dumb ass in the canal, 335 00:18:54,677 --> 00:18:57,047 I just wanna say, for the record, under T.J.'s management 336 00:18:57,147 --> 00:18:58,448 this would have never happened. 337 00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:05,322 I just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 338 00:19:10,827 --> 00:19:14,831 God damn! No wonder Delisha never came back. 339 00:19:14,931 --> 00:19:17,534 That shit's the real Loch Ness Monster. 340 00:19:19,702 --> 00:19:22,105 (CROWD EXCLAIMING) 341 00:19:24,274 --> 00:19:26,309 What the shit is this? 342 00:19:26,409 --> 00:19:28,645 What you lookin' at? Turn off them damn cameras! 343 00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:31,148 I ain't gay! 344 00:19:31,248 --> 00:19:32,882 I was only lookin' down his pants 'cause I heard his 345 00:19:32,982 --> 00:19:36,719 schlong was so big and juicy. Wait a minute, that didn't sound right. 346 00:19:38,055 --> 00:19:41,724 Gimme them damn cameras! Whoa! 347 00:19:41,824 --> 00:19:43,693 Where is he? 348 00:19:43,793 --> 00:19:46,696 MAN: (ON TV) We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 349 00:19:46,796 --> 00:19:49,166 The suspected Man-whore Killer has been spotted 350 00:19:49,266 --> 00:19:52,135 on the Prinsengracht Canal, attempting to dispose 351 00:19:52,235 --> 00:19:53,370 of his latest victim. 352 00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:55,405 -(GASPING) -I ain't gay! 353 00:19:55,505 --> 00:20:00,009 The suspected killer has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 354 00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,578 You idiot. 355 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,313 He is still at large and extremely dangerous... 356 00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:06,483 -POLICEMAN: Hold it! -Hey! Hey, guys! How's it goin'? 357 00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:08,285 -GASPAR: Where is he? -I don't know. 358 00:20:11,154 --> 00:20:14,391 -Where is he? -I swear, I don't know. 359 00:20:14,491 --> 00:20:17,994 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 360 00:20:18,095 --> 00:20:21,364 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 361 00:20:21,464 --> 00:20:23,466 Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... 362 00:20:23,566 --> 00:20:27,770 Please, Mr. Bigalow. I've heard this a thousand times. 363 00:20:27,870 --> 00:20:30,073 You were cold. You were frightened. 364 00:20:30,173 --> 00:20:34,611 He took you under his arm and fed you. He made you feel sexy. 365 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:38,014 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 366 00:20:38,115 --> 00:20:41,651 But your friend is obviously a killer. 367 00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:43,986 T.J.'s not a killer. 368 00:20:44,087 --> 00:20:47,090 If he isn't a murderer, then what was he doing 369 00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:49,826 checking out a dead man's penis? 370 00:20:49,926 --> 00:20:54,931 I guess he was curious. He heard it was big and juicy 371 00:20:55,031 --> 00:20:58,301 and wanted to see for himself. 372 00:20:58,401 --> 00:21:00,103 Lot of guys do that. 373 00:21:02,272 --> 00:21:04,474 No. They don't. 374 00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:08,245 Okay. 375 00:21:09,212 --> 00:21:11,080 T.J.'s gay. 376 00:21:11,181 --> 00:21:16,619 -Really? -Not normal gay, but, ya know, crazy gay. 377 00:21:18,688 --> 00:21:20,490 Musical theater gay. 378 00:21:22,892 --> 00:21:28,231 Is that why he puts lipstick on all his victims? 379 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:35,172 Wait a minute. In the alley, I heard someone whistling. 380 00:21:36,173 --> 00:21:40,610 And I saw someone. A woman... 381 00:21:42,679 --> 00:21:44,781 ...in a leopard coat. 382 00:21:46,082 --> 00:21:47,984 People see a lot of crazy things 383 00:21:48,084 --> 00:21:50,086 when they're high on spacecake. 384 00:21:50,187 --> 00:21:52,455 There's drugs in spacecake? 385 00:21:52,555 --> 00:21:56,593 Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 386 00:21:56,693 --> 00:21:57,660 (DOOR CLOSES) 387 00:22:03,065 --> 00:22:04,501 T.J., thank God you're here. 388 00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:05,968 How'd you find me? 389 00:22:06,068 --> 00:22:07,704 It's the only chicken and waffles place in all of Holland. 390 00:22:07,804 --> 00:22:10,873 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 391 00:22:10,973 --> 00:22:13,142 That's racist. 392 00:22:13,243 --> 00:22:16,413 -But you are here. -Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 393 00:22:18,915 --> 00:22:20,183 It's a nice place. 394 00:22:20,283 --> 00:22:22,552 Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles? 395 00:22:22,952 --> 00:22:24,554 Really? 396 00:22:24,654 --> 00:22:26,789 Before that you could only get chicken or waffles, 397 00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:30,360 but they were the first to put 'em together. 398 00:22:30,460 --> 00:22:32,395 Black people all over the world would be forever 399 00:22:32,495 --> 00:22:34,264 grateful to the Dutch for that. 400 00:22:34,364 --> 00:22:36,933 You do know the Dutch started the slave trade. 401 00:22:37,033 --> 00:22:38,701 Those motherfuckers! 402 00:22:43,906 --> 00:22:46,843 What? Who let 'em print this? 403 00:22:49,078 --> 00:22:51,281 We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 404 00:22:51,381 --> 00:22:52,915 I don't give a damn about that. 405 00:22:53,015 --> 00:22:55,084 It's the "extremely gay" part that's botherin' me. 406 00:22:55,184 --> 00:22:57,754 I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 407 00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:59,756 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 408 00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:02,559 But a gay pimp? Think where I'm goin'. Vermont? 409 00:23:02,659 --> 00:23:06,463 Look, T.J., I think I saw the real killer. 410 00:23:06,563 --> 00:23:07,630 It was a woman. 411 00:23:09,098 --> 00:23:11,100 Some She-John went on a he-bitch killin' spree 412 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,470 'cause she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 413 00:23:13,570 --> 00:23:14,637 What's a Filthy Lopez? 414 00:23:14,737 --> 00:23:16,273 40 bucks. Same as downtown. 415 00:23:16,373 --> 00:23:18,775 Look, all we got to do is find the She-Johns that went out with 416 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:20,410 the dead gigolos. One of 'em is our killer. 417 00:23:20,510 --> 00:23:22,712 -Makes sense. -You gotta get back on the horse. 418 00:23:22,812 --> 00:23:23,946 Horse? What horse? 419 00:23:24,046 --> 00:23:25,582 The man-whore horse. 420 00:23:25,682 --> 00:23:27,417 We gonna use your tight, little white ass as bait. 421 00:23:27,517 --> 00:23:29,452 Bait? No, I'm not man-whoring. 422 00:23:29,552 --> 00:23:30,987 We're gonna find the killer using your twat-cicle. 423 00:23:32,121 --> 00:23:34,657 Twat-cicle? Gross. No. 424 00:23:38,428 --> 00:23:39,562 Give this to my mama. 425 00:23:40,963 --> 00:23:42,899 Tell her I'm sorry I was a disappointment to her. 426 00:23:42,999 --> 00:23:44,901 Tell her I'm sorry I called all her friends 427 00:23:45,001 --> 00:23:48,204 in the middle of the night when I was pleasurin' myself. 428 00:23:48,305 --> 00:23:51,374 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 429 00:23:53,710 --> 00:23:55,412 Even if I wanted to, 430 00:23:55,512 --> 00:23:58,047 how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 431 00:23:58,147 --> 00:24:00,583 T.J.: We'll go to the Man-whore Union. But we gotta be careful. 432 00:24:00,683 --> 00:24:01,618 They'll be lookin' for me. 433 00:24:04,754 --> 00:24:10,727 Meeting of the royal order of European man-whores is now in session. 434 00:24:10,827 --> 00:24:13,963 T.J.: These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 435 00:24:14,063 --> 00:24:16,633 That. That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 436 00:24:16,733 --> 00:24:18,801 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 437 00:24:18,901 --> 00:24:20,937 -Ew. -That. That's Enzo. 438 00:24:21,037 --> 00:24:24,841 He's Italian. His nut sack is insured for a million dollars. 439 00:24:24,941 --> 00:24:26,576 DEUCE: That's 500 grand each. 440 00:24:26,676 --> 00:24:29,145 Check it out. That's Assapopulus from Greece. 441 00:24:29,245 --> 00:24:31,614 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 442 00:24:32,882 --> 00:24:34,484 I'd like to never see that. 443 00:24:34,584 --> 00:24:37,987 I'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, 444 00:24:38,087 --> 00:24:40,022 -Heinz Hummer. -DEUCE: Who's the blonde guy? 445 00:24:40,122 --> 00:24:43,393 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of hos. 446 00:24:43,493 --> 00:24:46,829 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry VIII crabs. 447 00:24:46,929 --> 00:24:50,367 But I know Heinz would like to be remembered for most 448 00:24:50,467 --> 00:24:52,301 was being a male prostitute. 449 00:24:52,402 --> 00:24:53,436 ALL: Hear, hear. 450 00:24:53,536 --> 00:24:55,938 He was also a supercilious cunt. 451 00:24:57,407 --> 00:24:59,308 -Who's that guy? -Gian-Carlo. 452 00:24:59,409 --> 00:25:01,177 Silverback he-bitch. 453 00:25:01,277 --> 00:25:03,946 Heinz Hummer was undercutting all of us. 454 00:25:04,046 --> 00:25:05,648 (CROWD JEERING) 455 00:25:05,748 --> 00:25:08,718 Yes. He was charging the same price for straight sex 456 00:25:08,818 --> 00:25:11,287 as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 457 00:25:11,388 --> 00:25:12,989 (CROWD MURMURING) 458 00:25:13,089 --> 00:25:18,094 Oh, yes. He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer 459 00:25:18,194 --> 00:25:21,498 as he was for a Portuguese Breakfast. 460 00:25:21,598 --> 00:25:22,665 (CROWD MURMURING) 461 00:25:22,765 --> 00:25:26,302 As we sow, so shall we reap. 462 00:25:26,403 --> 00:25:29,639 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 463 00:25:29,739 --> 00:25:31,708 Until this insane killer is apprehended, 464 00:25:31,808 --> 00:25:35,311 the union is going to institute a new security measure. 465 00:25:35,412 --> 00:25:39,048 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na 466 00:25:39,148 --> 00:25:43,119 and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 467 00:25:43,219 --> 00:25:47,824 There are rings of all sizes are available, smaller for our Asian members. 468 00:25:47,924 --> 00:25:52,629 Y'all know me. My name is McManus. 469 00:25:52,729 --> 00:25:57,434 I joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons. 470 00:25:57,534 --> 00:26:00,537 To have intercourse in exchange for cash, 471 00:26:00,637 --> 00:26:03,372 and two, to protect my rights as a man-whore. 472 00:26:03,773 --> 00:26:05,542 But 473 00:26:05,642 --> 00:26:11,714 three years ago, when this union told we man-whores 474 00:26:11,814 --> 00:26:16,519 that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls, 475 00:26:16,619 --> 00:26:21,390 I strongly disagreed. But I did not stand up. 476 00:26:21,491 --> 00:26:24,894 I'm ashamed to say, I stood down! 477 00:26:24,994 --> 00:26:30,767 And then three months later, this union told we man-whores 478 00:26:30,867 --> 00:26:36,172 that we were to begin washin' our private areas between customers. 479 00:26:36,272 --> 00:26:39,876 Our private areas. 480 00:26:39,976 --> 00:26:44,080 And once again, I'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen, 481 00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:46,449 I stood down! 482 00:26:46,549 --> 00:26:51,721 But now, sir, for what am I to tell my eight-year-old boy 483 00:26:51,821 --> 00:26:58,094 when he comes to me, and he says, "Daddy. Daddy. What's that thing 484 00:26:58,194 --> 00:27:01,464 "hanging off of your he-pussy?" 485 00:27:02,298 --> 00:27:04,467 How am I to tell him, sir? 486 00:27:04,567 --> 00:27:06,002 (CROWD CHEERING) 487 00:27:11,007 --> 00:27:13,610 Deucey, you can do this. 488 00:27:13,710 --> 00:27:18,548 Due to high demand, each member will be only allowed two tickets 489 00:27:18,648 --> 00:27:22,351 -to this year's Man-whore Awards. -How's it goin'? 490 00:27:22,451 --> 00:27:27,056 I'm Deuce Bigalow. I'm a gigolo from America. 491 00:27:27,156 --> 00:27:30,226 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 492 00:27:30,326 --> 00:27:32,929 MAN: Homo! 493 00:27:33,029 --> 00:27:38,568 Now, I'm convinced that the real killer is a She-John. 494 00:27:40,737 --> 00:27:42,972 Which means any one of you could be next. 495 00:27:44,741 --> 00:27:47,076 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 496 00:27:47,176 --> 00:27:51,648 Now, if we all work together, we can find out who the real killer is. 497 00:27:53,716 --> 00:27:55,117 What do you say? 498 00:27:55,217 --> 00:27:56,986 (SCREAMING) 499 00:28:02,391 --> 00:28:04,026 How come you didn't tell 'em I wasn't gay? 500 00:28:04,126 --> 00:28:06,262 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 501 00:28:07,664 --> 00:28:09,465 -What do we do now? -T.J. has an old friend 502 00:28:09,566 --> 00:28:11,467 who just might be able to help us out. 503 00:28:11,568 --> 00:28:12,902 Come on. Watch your step. 504 00:28:15,471 --> 00:28:17,006 HOST: Right this way, please. 505 00:28:18,074 --> 00:28:19,508 ANTOINE: Deuce! 506 00:28:21,611 --> 00:28:23,646 Antoine? 507 00:28:23,746 --> 00:28:27,049 -Sit down. -It's good to see ya. It's been a long time. 508 00:28:27,784 --> 00:28:29,085 Ah! (GASPS) 509 00:28:33,155 --> 00:28:36,258 This is the list from the Man-whore Union. 510 00:28:36,358 --> 00:28:39,862 It's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 511 00:28:40,262 --> 00:28:41,864 Awesome. 512 00:28:45,802 --> 00:28:49,338 Please be quiet. I went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 513 00:28:49,438 --> 00:28:51,440 Sorry. 514 00:28:51,540 --> 00:28:54,476 Now, if you want to compete with the European man-whores, 515 00:28:54,577 --> 00:28:58,247 you need to learn how to really please a woman. 516 00:28:58,347 --> 00:29:00,016 I should write some of this down. 517 00:29:00,116 --> 00:29:04,253 Go ahead. You must be able to pleasure a woman with... 518 00:29:06,188 --> 00:29:09,726 -...with your... -Pleasure her with... 519 00:29:10,693 --> 00:29:11,761 Oh. 520 00:29:13,162 --> 00:29:14,130 (ANTOINE GURGLING) 521 00:29:14,230 --> 00:29:15,665 Do you want me to try? 522 00:29:15,765 --> 00:29:17,700 (GAGGING) 523 00:29:20,436 --> 00:29:23,973 -Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh! -Ah, ah, ah. 524 00:29:24,841 --> 00:29:27,109 All right. Ah! Ah! Ah! 525 00:29:27,209 --> 00:29:28,577 Women really like that? 526 00:29:39,856 --> 00:29:41,123 Man-whore down! 527 00:29:41,924 --> 00:29:43,125 (LAUGHING) 528 00:29:45,962 --> 00:29:47,930 Get the list. It's in his pants. 529 00:29:48,030 --> 00:29:49,431 All right. 530 00:29:49,531 --> 00:29:50,767 I think I got it. 531 00:29:56,739 --> 00:29:58,808 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants 532 00:29:58,908 --> 00:30:00,810 without settin' off the faggot alarm? 533 00:30:03,713 --> 00:30:06,048 DEUCE: This Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 534 00:30:06,148 --> 00:30:07,784 What am I gonna do if she tries to kill me? 535 00:30:07,884 --> 00:30:09,786 You distract her with your magic she-nis. 536 00:30:09,886 --> 00:30:13,155 I'll look for evidence. The lipstick and the leopard coat. 537 00:30:14,356 --> 00:30:15,291 (DOORBELL RINGING) 538 00:30:17,927 --> 00:30:22,064 All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. 539 00:30:22,164 --> 00:30:25,634 Hi, I'm Deuce biggest lady I've ever seen. 540 00:30:25,735 --> 00:30:26,936 Ah! 541 00:30:27,036 --> 00:30:28,304 T.J.: That's a huge bitch! 542 00:30:32,374 --> 00:30:34,043 Hi. 543 00:30:36,979 --> 00:30:38,514 Cute kids. Are they yours? 544 00:30:38,614 --> 00:30:41,083 Those pictures, they come with the frames. 545 00:30:41,183 --> 00:30:43,485 I'm unable to have children. 546 00:30:43,585 --> 00:30:46,222 I'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 547 00:30:55,932 --> 00:30:59,335 Evidence. Mmm-hmm. 548 00:31:01,537 --> 00:31:03,372 That big ho got food everywhere. 549 00:31:04,941 --> 00:31:08,544 You are a nice man. Now, take off your clothes. 550 00:31:08,644 --> 00:31:11,247 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 551 00:31:12,214 --> 00:31:13,415 Take them off! 552 00:31:16,152 --> 00:31:17,754 Hmm. "Dutch Bride." 553 00:31:40,977 --> 00:31:45,748 Baby, walk to Mommy. Come, come. 554 00:31:46,348 --> 00:31:48,484 No! Like baby! 555 00:31:48,584 --> 00:31:51,020 Baby, walk to Mommy. 556 00:31:54,223 --> 00:31:56,225 Good baby. 557 00:32:01,630 --> 00:32:03,365 Come to Mommy! 558 00:32:07,136 --> 00:32:08,137 Oopsie. 559 00:32:09,605 --> 00:32:12,942 Oh, baby hungry? Want booby? 560 00:32:15,077 --> 00:32:17,013 Baby never eat again. 561 00:32:29,358 --> 00:32:31,894 You like them big hairy balls, don't ya? 562 00:32:33,395 --> 00:32:34,396 (MEOWING) 563 00:32:34,496 --> 00:32:35,865 (SCREAMING) 564 00:32:47,543 --> 00:32:49,812 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 565 00:32:53,983 --> 00:32:56,552 Hold it! Hold it right there. 566 00:32:56,652 --> 00:32:58,520 Is this truck full of marijuana? 567 00:32:58,620 --> 00:33:02,158 Is this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 568 00:33:02,258 --> 00:33:05,727 No unloading pot in the red zone! 569 00:33:05,828 --> 00:33:09,265 -Write him up. -But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. 570 00:33:09,365 --> 00:33:11,200 -She's turning 13. -Inspector. 571 00:33:11,300 --> 00:33:13,335 -What? Oh, God. -MAN: We need all this pot for the party. 572 00:33:13,435 --> 00:33:16,705 Inspector. I got these lipsticks from Marlene Alsmere. 573 00:33:16,805 --> 00:33:19,241 She was a customer of Heinz Hummer. She's big and strong. 574 00:33:19,341 --> 00:33:20,376 She could easily be the killer. 575 00:33:20,476 --> 00:33:23,379 The lipstick the killer uses is a very rare one. 576 00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:28,350 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 577 00:33:29,651 --> 00:33:31,921 But, but... 578 00:33:32,021 --> 00:33:35,491 Sir, I also have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 579 00:33:35,591 --> 00:33:37,459 -Will you stop doin' that? -Will you stop playing 580 00:33:37,559 --> 00:33:39,595 these games and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? 581 00:33:39,695 --> 00:33:43,365 -T.J.'s innocent. -Oh, don't make me laugh. "T.J.'s innocent." 582 00:33:45,067 --> 00:33:47,336 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 583 00:33:47,436 --> 00:33:49,371 Ah! That's very nice. Thanks. 584 00:33:50,272 --> 00:33:51,240 (SNEEZING) 585 00:33:55,544 --> 00:33:58,080 Let me, let me help you with that. 586 00:33:58,180 --> 00:33:59,381 Thank you. 587 00:34:01,517 --> 00:34:03,419 Excuse me for askin', 588 00:34:03,519 --> 00:34:05,387 but why did you slap yourself like that? 589 00:34:07,489 --> 00:34:08,958 Promise you won't laugh? 590 00:34:09,625 --> 00:34:10,859 I promise. 591 00:34:12,428 --> 00:34:17,266 Uh, I, I have obsessive compulsive disorder. 592 00:34:17,366 --> 00:34:21,237 I have these little rituals that I can't help doing. 593 00:34:21,337 --> 00:34:24,941 I can't touch doorknobs, I snap my fingers when I see a bus. 594 00:34:25,041 --> 00:34:27,843 And when someone sneezes, I slap myself three times. 595 00:34:27,944 --> 00:34:30,079 I've heard of that. That's not so bad. 596 00:34:30,179 --> 00:34:32,514 -(BICYCLE BELL DINGING) -Ow! 597 00:34:32,614 --> 00:34:35,051 I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 598 00:34:36,052 --> 00:34:37,519 It got me kicked out of school. 599 00:34:37,619 --> 00:34:40,389 It's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 600 00:34:40,489 --> 00:34:44,026 Actually, I've got about 130. 601 00:34:45,394 --> 00:34:46,595 So you're above average. 602 00:34:47,563 --> 00:34:48,564 I mean... 603 00:34:48,664 --> 00:34:49,665 I'm Deuce. 604 00:34:51,167 --> 00:34:52,434 I'm Eva. 605 00:34:54,036 --> 00:34:55,637 Is that a Sudanese sweetlips? 606 00:34:55,737 --> 00:34:56,772 How did you know? 607 00:34:56,872 --> 00:34:59,475 It's, like, my top five favorite fish. 608 00:34:59,575 --> 00:35:02,344 They have one here at the aquarium. 609 00:35:02,444 --> 00:35:03,679 DEUCE: I heard this place is incredible. 610 00:35:08,150 --> 00:35:10,086 It's the doorknob? 611 00:35:12,221 --> 00:35:14,090 I'll get it. Okay. 612 00:35:15,124 --> 00:35:17,159 Oh, thanks. Oh, thank you. 613 00:35:18,427 --> 00:35:19,661 He's beautiful. 614 00:35:20,562 --> 00:35:22,431 That's really good. 615 00:35:22,531 --> 00:35:24,066 Thank you. 616 00:35:36,445 --> 00:35:41,450 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 617 00:35:41,550 --> 00:35:44,987 Ah. Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack 618 00:35:45,087 --> 00:35:46,955 a country just to steal their oil. 619 00:35:48,090 --> 00:35:49,992 What? 620 00:35:50,092 --> 00:35:54,563 "What?" Did I offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 621 00:35:54,663 --> 00:35:57,499 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 622 00:35:57,599 --> 00:35:58,934 What are you talking about? 623 00:35:59,035 --> 00:36:00,236 I just asked you to put your cigarette out. 624 00:36:00,336 --> 00:36:01,703 And then what is next? 625 00:36:01,803 --> 00:36:04,373 Take wine away from my children? 626 00:36:04,473 --> 00:36:07,209 I put out this cigarette. God bless America. 627 00:36:10,612 --> 00:36:13,082 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 628 00:36:13,182 --> 00:36:16,285 -So they say. -It could kill every fish in that tank! 629 00:36:16,385 --> 00:36:17,719 Poor little fishy. 630 00:36:20,722 --> 00:36:23,525 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 631 00:36:34,136 --> 00:36:35,637 You have a nice ass. 632 00:36:39,508 --> 00:36:41,610 I think this belongs to you. 633 00:36:41,710 --> 00:36:43,279 Merci beaucoup. 634 00:36:45,247 --> 00:36:46,248 (GASPS) 635 00:36:47,749 --> 00:36:49,718 DEUCE: You dick! 636 00:36:49,818 --> 00:36:52,088 I would like to take you from behind. 637 00:36:56,092 --> 00:37:01,163 My penis is uncircumcised. No head. 638 00:37:02,398 --> 00:37:03,765 It's like a torpedo. 639 00:37:05,167 --> 00:37:06,168 You pig! 640 00:37:06,268 --> 00:37:09,471 Oh! Are you tired of swimming? 641 00:37:09,571 --> 00:37:12,040 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 642 00:37:23,819 --> 00:37:25,554 MAN: Fuck off, ya Yank! 643 00:37:29,158 --> 00:37:31,160 I'm only staying with my uncle for the summer 644 00:37:31,260 --> 00:37:33,629 and then I go back to art school in Brussels. 645 00:37:33,729 --> 00:37:35,331 Could I take you out for coffee sometime? 646 00:37:36,265 --> 00:37:37,466 You mean, like a date? 647 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,768 Well, yeah. 648 00:37:39,868 --> 00:37:41,570 -(SIREN WAILING) -(EVA SCREAMING) 649 00:37:44,473 --> 00:37:46,742 Oh, the, the siren. 650 00:37:48,644 --> 00:37:51,247 Right. Right. Siren. 651 00:37:51,347 --> 00:37:53,949 Before I can go on a date, I have to collect 652 00:37:54,049 --> 00:37:56,718 five different-colored tulips, eat two herring 653 00:37:56,818 --> 00:37:58,687 and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 654 00:37:59,788 --> 00:38:01,157 Well, that sounds doable. 655 00:38:05,060 --> 00:38:06,828 (ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING) 656 00:38:06,928 --> 00:38:08,530 What is it? 657 00:38:12,168 --> 00:38:13,769 -The accordion player? -Mmm-hmm. 658 00:38:17,439 --> 00:38:18,607 Whoo! 659 00:38:19,241 --> 00:38:21,143 Whoo! Whoo! 660 00:38:21,243 --> 00:38:23,145 The Smelly Finger dance. 661 00:38:23,245 --> 00:38:24,713 (ALL CLAPPING) 662 00:38:27,749 --> 00:38:28,817 (INAUDIBLE) 663 00:38:28,917 --> 00:38:30,152 (CAR HORN HONKING) 664 00:38:33,689 --> 00:38:37,993 Hey guys, I need a quick gigolo fix, what do you say? 665 00:38:38,093 --> 00:38:41,597 Uh, I'm judging a sandcastle building competition this afternoon, 666 00:38:41,697 --> 00:38:43,131 so, I can't help you. 667 00:38:43,965 --> 00:38:47,269 Um, the dog ate my penis. 668 00:38:50,906 --> 00:38:52,808 You don't have to walk me any further. 669 00:38:52,908 --> 00:38:54,243 I just work over there. 670 00:38:54,343 --> 00:38:57,112 -I don't mind. -I'm kind of embarrassed of my job. 671 00:38:57,213 --> 00:39:00,216 I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. What do you do? 672 00:39:01,483 --> 00:39:03,485 Bye, Deuce. 673 00:39:03,585 --> 00:39:07,889 Well, well, well. If it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 674 00:39:07,989 --> 00:39:09,358 (CACKLING) 675 00:39:11,627 --> 00:39:12,861 It's Bigalow. 676 00:39:12,961 --> 00:39:15,331 What's your going rate, douche? 677 00:39:15,431 --> 00:39:18,300 Well, I was getting $10. 678 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,669 Ooh! 679 00:39:20,769 --> 00:39:24,906 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 680 00:39:25,006 --> 00:39:27,476 Sure I know. It's when she says, 681 00:39:27,576 --> 00:39:33,749 "Please stop. It's okay. You tried. Now, get off me." 682 00:39:33,849 --> 00:39:35,451 (LAUGHING) 683 00:39:38,220 --> 00:39:41,323 I bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 684 00:39:41,423 --> 00:39:45,394 Well, that depends. If she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 685 00:39:45,494 --> 00:39:47,829 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 686 00:39:50,332 --> 00:39:51,767 Is there? 687 00:39:54,770 --> 00:39:59,541 It's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 688 00:39:59,641 --> 00:40:02,711 I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 689 00:40:02,811 --> 00:40:04,212 (LAUGHING) Small-Below. 690 00:40:06,915 --> 00:40:08,484 (BUZZING) 691 00:40:09,418 --> 00:40:10,819 LILY: I'll be right down. 692 00:40:17,293 --> 00:40:19,728 Okay. 693 00:40:19,828 --> 00:40:23,299 This is the woman that went out with Heinz the night before he was murdered. 694 00:40:23,399 --> 00:40:24,433 (WHIRRING) 695 00:40:26,668 --> 00:40:29,771 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. I ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 696 00:40:34,209 --> 00:40:36,745 Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. 697 00:40:36,845 --> 00:40:38,447 (ROBOTIC VOICE) Nice to meet you. 698 00:40:40,982 --> 00:40:42,784 (ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING) 699 00:40:48,990 --> 00:40:51,793 Huh, would you like some bread? 700 00:40:51,893 --> 00:40:54,229 Oh, I can't have bread. 701 00:40:54,330 --> 00:40:58,334 It makes my esophageal lining swell up and could block my throat hole. 702 00:41:00,402 --> 00:41:01,570 Excuse me for a second. 703 00:41:01,670 --> 00:41:02,671 Sure. 704 00:41:04,039 --> 00:41:06,442 (AMPLIFIED NOSE BLOWING) 705 00:41:09,077 --> 00:41:12,848 -Pardon me. I had to clear. -Yeah. 706 00:41:15,116 --> 00:41:17,553 -So, what do you do? -I just got fired. 707 00:41:17,653 --> 00:41:20,255 -I'm sorry. -I was a phone-sex operator. 708 00:41:20,356 --> 00:41:22,458 (DEVICE SCRAMBLING) 709 00:41:22,558 --> 00:41:27,529 I only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 710 00:41:27,629 --> 00:41:30,466 I heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 711 00:41:30,566 --> 00:41:32,534 I bet you're glad he's dead. 712 00:41:32,634 --> 00:41:37,739 Heinz was the most gentle man I ever knew. 713 00:41:37,839 --> 00:41:41,009 I miss him and his man-gina. 714 00:41:41,109 --> 00:41:42,811 (DEVICE SCRAMBLING) 715 00:41:43,745 --> 00:41:44,846 MAN 1: I can't take it anymore! 716 00:41:46,782 --> 00:41:49,851 Oh. I'm sorry. I can see that you really liked Heinz. 717 00:41:51,653 --> 00:41:52,854 Here, let me get that for you. 718 00:41:52,954 --> 00:41:54,490 Thanks. 719 00:42:01,530 --> 00:42:02,464 WOMAN: Let's go. 720 00:42:02,564 --> 00:42:04,232 MAN 2: I think I'm gonna puke! 721 00:42:04,332 --> 00:42:07,669 I started smoking again when I lost my job. 722 00:42:07,769 --> 00:42:09,805 If I don't find another one pretty soon, 723 00:42:09,905 --> 00:42:11,573 I'm gonna lose my house. 724 00:42:11,673 --> 00:42:13,341 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 725 00:42:15,043 --> 00:42:17,979 -Relax. Have some wine. -Thanks. 726 00:42:22,784 --> 00:42:24,986 Oh! Oh! Oh! 727 00:42:25,787 --> 00:42:26,822 Oh! 728 00:42:28,189 --> 00:42:29,858 (YELLING) 729 00:42:31,827 --> 00:42:34,463 I don't normally drink red wine, so... 730 00:42:34,563 --> 00:42:35,931 (CHUCKLING) Oh! 731 00:42:36,031 --> 00:42:37,533 (LAUGHING) I have hiccups! 732 00:42:38,467 --> 00:42:40,469 (LAUGHING UNCOMFORTABLY) 733 00:42:40,569 --> 00:42:43,371 -Go down the wrong hole, I think. -Check, please. 734 00:42:45,173 --> 00:42:46,942 Deuce, 735 00:42:47,042 --> 00:42:48,844 I can't thank you enough. 736 00:42:48,944 --> 00:42:49,945 It's good for you. 737 00:42:50,045 --> 00:42:51,179 It's good for them. 738 00:42:51,279 --> 00:42:52,514 I'm just glad it worked out. 739 00:42:54,550 --> 00:42:57,953 -I'd better get to work. -I'll be hearin' from ya. 740 00:43:02,023 --> 00:43:06,394 LILY: (ON PA) The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 741 00:43:06,495 --> 00:43:08,897 There is no parking in the white zone. 742 00:43:08,997 --> 00:43:13,401 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. The white zone... 743 00:43:14,803 --> 00:43:16,972 I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 744 00:43:18,674 --> 00:43:22,744 I am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 745 00:43:22,844 --> 00:43:24,446 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 746 00:43:26,314 --> 00:43:27,649 Gwyneth. 747 00:43:28,249 --> 00:43:29,618 Good choice. 748 00:43:41,396 --> 00:43:46,568 Oh, hey. I got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 749 00:43:52,874 --> 00:43:57,646 So, Enzo. Got any She-Johns lined up for tonight? 750 00:43:57,746 --> 00:44:01,517 Well, I did a Chili Rainbow last night so... I'm exhausted. 751 00:44:01,617 --> 00:44:04,920 What about you, Assapopulus? 752 00:44:05,020 --> 00:44:08,256 I've got the herpes, so, what are you gonna do? 753 00:44:08,356 --> 00:44:10,091 (LAUGHTER) 754 00:44:10,826 --> 00:44:12,193 Liar! 755 00:44:12,293 --> 00:44:13,495 -Mahmoud! -Huh? 756 00:44:13,595 --> 00:44:14,696 What's your excuse? 757 00:44:15,363 --> 00:44:18,734 I just realized I'm gay. 758 00:44:20,536 --> 00:44:22,604 Any of you guys want a blowjob? 759 00:44:25,106 --> 00:44:26,241 I do! 760 00:44:28,243 --> 00:44:33,615 Well, okay, then. I'd better go put that penis in my mouth. 761 00:44:34,683 --> 00:44:36,918 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer! 762 00:44:37,018 --> 00:44:38,587 ALL: No, we're not! 763 00:44:38,687 --> 00:44:40,155 -(GUNSHOT) -Get down! 764 00:44:40,255 --> 00:44:41,957 I don't wanna die! 765 00:44:42,057 --> 00:44:44,926 You really should find a better hiding place. 766 00:44:46,061 --> 00:44:47,563 Oh, you haven't heard? 767 00:44:48,329 --> 00:44:50,566 Rodrigo's been killed. 768 00:44:50,666 --> 00:44:53,268 -No! -ASSAPOPULUS: Oh, my God! Why? 769 00:44:53,368 --> 00:44:54,970 He was just having his ass hair bleached! 770 00:44:55,070 --> 00:44:57,305 He got much more than that, I can assure you. 771 00:44:57,405 --> 00:44:58,640 Bonne chance. 772 00:45:00,976 --> 00:45:03,812 GASPER: (ON TV) Ladies and gentlemen, very happy that Scotland Yard 773 00:45:03,912 --> 00:45:08,149 has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 774 00:45:08,249 --> 00:45:09,618 Thank you very much. 775 00:45:10,886 --> 00:45:14,289 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 776 00:45:14,389 --> 00:45:17,058 The Russian women are a little freaky down below. 777 00:45:17,158 --> 00:45:20,796 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 778 00:45:20,896 --> 00:45:22,898 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south, 779 00:45:22,998 --> 00:45:24,700 put a clothespin on your nose. 780 00:45:25,601 --> 00:45:27,002 I'll keep that in mind. 781 00:45:29,638 --> 00:45:31,539 Wish me luck. 782 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,542 Garcon. You mind changin' that to The Weather Channel? 783 00:45:35,310 --> 00:45:37,412 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 784 00:45:37,512 --> 00:45:38,880 T.J.: It's gonna be cold tomorrow. 785 00:45:41,617 --> 00:45:43,885 I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 786 00:45:48,389 --> 00:45:52,327 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 787 00:45:52,427 --> 00:45:53,762 What do you know about it? 788 00:45:53,862 --> 00:45:57,365 Apparently, there's some maniac who's killing them all. 789 00:45:57,465 --> 00:46:00,001 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 790 00:46:00,101 --> 00:46:03,939 I think everything happens for reason. 791 00:46:04,039 --> 00:46:06,842 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil. 792 00:46:06,942 --> 00:46:10,646 I wasn't. But if you want to talk about it, cool. 793 00:46:10,746 --> 00:46:16,084 -I grew up in Chernobyl. -Chernobyl. Huh. What a pretty name. 794 00:46:16,184 --> 00:46:20,622 My mother, she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 795 00:46:21,489 --> 00:46:23,759 Instead of a nose... 796 00:46:23,859 --> 00:46:26,094 ...I was born with an appendage on my face. 797 00:46:27,395 --> 00:46:29,130 A male appendage. 798 00:46:32,433 --> 00:46:34,803 No shit! 799 00:46:34,903 --> 00:46:39,240 I have always been a little self-conscious about it. 800 00:46:39,340 --> 00:46:41,743 Well you shouldn't, I mean... 801 00:46:41,843 --> 00:46:45,180 ...a lot of women would love to have a guy's dick 802 00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,182 on their face. 803 00:46:47,282 --> 00:46:49,150 Yours is just permanent. 804 00:46:51,519 --> 00:46:53,889 You are sweet... 805 00:46:53,989 --> 00:46:55,891 ...and very handsome for an American. 806 00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,028 Hmm. 807 00:47:00,128 --> 00:47:01,396 I like you. 808 00:47:05,867 --> 00:47:06,902 (GIGGLING) 809 00:47:09,504 --> 00:47:12,040 I would love to hear some Latin music! 810 00:47:12,974 --> 00:47:14,175 I'll see if the penis knows any. 811 00:47:16,344 --> 00:47:20,982 I mean, the pianist! Uh, the guy playing the piano! 812 00:47:21,082 --> 00:47:22,417 (MUSIC PLAYING) 813 00:47:22,517 --> 00:47:25,954 Oh! The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 814 00:47:27,188 --> 00:47:28,223 Whoa! 815 00:47:28,857 --> 00:47:30,826 (BAND PLAYING) 816 00:47:45,941 --> 00:47:47,943 Damn, no lipstick! 817 00:47:48,043 --> 00:47:49,711 You smell nice. What is it? 818 00:47:49,811 --> 00:47:51,813 It's Old Nice. 819 00:47:51,913 --> 00:47:54,615 It's a knockoff of Old Spice. 820 00:47:54,716 --> 00:47:58,987 I like it, but, I think it makes me sneeze. 821 00:47:59,087 --> 00:48:00,421 What happens when you sneeze? 822 00:48:01,222 --> 00:48:03,358 (SNEEZING) 823 00:48:03,458 --> 00:48:05,861 -Oh, Jesus! I'm sorry! -(SNEEZING) 824 00:48:05,961 --> 00:48:09,364 Oh, good Lord! Now's a good time to turn. 825 00:48:11,066 --> 00:48:12,868 -(SNEEZING) -Oh! 826 00:48:21,109 --> 00:48:22,243 Hi! 827 00:48:22,343 --> 00:48:24,145 * Here comes your man 828 00:48:26,247 --> 00:48:28,083 * Here comes your man 829 00:48:30,051 --> 00:48:32,253 * Here comes your man 830 00:48:34,756 --> 00:48:36,758 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 831 00:48:36,858 --> 00:48:39,494 Only until I can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 832 00:48:39,594 --> 00:48:41,729 Is there someone waiting for you back home? 833 00:48:43,064 --> 00:48:44,499 It's kind of hard to explain. 834 00:48:45,834 --> 00:48:47,068 Would you like to meet her? 835 00:48:48,236 --> 00:48:49,971 She's here in Amsterdam? 836 00:48:51,006 --> 00:48:52,107 It's my wife. 837 00:48:54,910 --> 00:48:56,978 I got her right here in my duffel bag. 838 00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:06,454 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 839 00:49:06,554 --> 00:49:09,557 She passed away a couple years ago, and... 840 00:49:09,657 --> 00:49:11,326 ...it's all I have left of her, and I... 841 00:49:17,198 --> 00:49:23,304 Nice to meet you. She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 842 00:49:25,907 --> 00:49:27,876 * Here comes your man 843 00:49:29,710 --> 00:49:33,614 * Here comes your man 844 00:49:33,714 --> 00:49:36,051 * Here comes your man... 845 00:49:40,989 --> 00:49:43,358 DEUCE: Hey, uh, can I see you when you get off work? 846 00:49:43,458 --> 00:49:46,794 Oh, you know, I'd really love to, but I'm going to be so tired. 847 00:49:47,495 --> 00:49:49,230 -Bye! -Okay... 848 00:50:02,010 --> 00:50:04,812 Eva! Eva! 849 00:50:04,913 --> 00:50:07,315 Did you just kiss me nine times because you're OCD? 850 00:50:07,415 --> 00:50:10,085 (GIGGLING) No. It's because I like you. 851 00:50:11,019 --> 00:50:12,587 Oh... 852 00:50:12,687 --> 00:50:14,155 Excuse us, coming through. 853 00:50:16,992 --> 00:50:19,294 Uh, what are they doing in there, anyway? 854 00:50:20,461 --> 00:50:22,230 They're making a movie. 855 00:50:22,330 --> 00:50:24,599 Cool. What kind of movie? 856 00:50:24,699 --> 00:50:26,902 (WOMAN MOANING) 857 00:50:27,268 --> 00:50:28,503 Oh... 858 00:50:30,138 --> 00:50:32,840 -I better get to work. -Okay. 859 00:50:32,941 --> 00:50:36,211 In there? You work in there? 860 00:50:36,311 --> 00:50:39,314 -Yeah. Well... -Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday! 861 00:50:39,414 --> 00:50:41,382 Thank you. 862 00:50:41,482 --> 00:50:45,486 Eva. Eva. Listen, we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 863 00:50:45,586 --> 00:50:48,389 -All the guys? -Yeah. I can't keep them waiting. 864 00:50:49,190 --> 00:50:51,159 Bye, Deuce. 865 00:50:51,259 --> 00:50:52,928 ASSISTANT: I don't see your name on the list. 866 00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:57,165 MAN: I'm very good, yes. 867 00:50:57,265 --> 00:50:59,267 (CHATTERING) 868 00:51:03,671 --> 00:51:05,573 (BRAYING) 869 00:51:10,045 --> 00:51:13,414 Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back of the line, buddy. 870 00:51:13,514 --> 00:51:16,017 (CHUCKLING) Trust me. She's worth the wait. 871 00:51:20,321 --> 00:51:24,725 -It's a closed set. You can't come in here, sir. -Like hell I can't. 872 00:51:24,825 --> 00:51:27,195 -Get off her, you little freak! -Huh? 873 00:51:28,563 --> 00:51:30,198 Aah! 874 00:51:35,203 --> 00:51:36,904 Eva, you don't have to do this! 875 00:51:39,540 --> 00:51:42,243 Hey, I agreed to one midget, not two! 876 00:51:43,311 --> 00:51:45,413 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 877 00:51:45,513 --> 00:51:46,481 EVA: Deuce? 878 00:51:48,316 --> 00:51:49,951 Eva, you don't have to do this. 879 00:51:50,651 --> 00:51:52,053 Do what? 880 00:51:52,653 --> 00:51:54,289 -This. -What? 881 00:51:56,391 --> 00:51:57,425 This... 882 00:52:00,828 --> 00:52:04,966 -You painted that? -I'm a scenic artist. 883 00:52:05,066 --> 00:52:06,367 So that's what you do here! 884 00:52:10,705 --> 00:52:14,809 Hey, little friend. I guess I owe you a big... Oh! Oh... 885 00:52:14,909 --> 00:52:16,211 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 886 00:52:16,311 --> 00:52:18,446 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? 887 00:52:18,546 --> 00:52:20,115 T.J.! T.J.! Is that you in there? 888 00:52:20,215 --> 00:52:21,816 Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude! 889 00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:24,285 I've went out with every girl on that list that lives in Holland. 890 00:52:24,385 --> 00:52:25,853 Then you need to find the rest of those bitches. 891 00:52:25,953 --> 00:52:27,522 The rest of those women live in other countries. 892 00:52:27,622 --> 00:52:29,024 Goddamn, white boy! 893 00:52:29,124 --> 00:52:31,859 Pack up that snatch bow and go find the real killer! 894 00:52:31,959 --> 00:52:35,663 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Cafe! 895 00:52:35,763 --> 00:52:38,599 * Step right up and don't be shy 896 00:52:41,102 --> 00:52:44,305 * Because you will not believe your eyes 897 00:52:44,405 --> 00:52:48,643 * She's right here behind the glass 898 00:52:48,743 --> 00:52:52,247 * You're gonna like her 'cause she's got class 899 00:52:54,349 --> 00:52:58,319 * You can look inside another world 900 00:52:58,419 --> 00:53:02,823 * You get to talk to a pretty girl 901 00:53:02,923 --> 00:53:06,727 * She's everything you dream about 902 00:53:08,563 --> 00:53:11,266 * But don't fall In love 903 00:53:12,567 --> 00:53:16,771 * She's a beauty * She's one in a million girls 904 00:53:16,871 --> 00:53:19,340 * She's a beauty 905 00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,676 * Why would I lie? 906 00:53:23,744 --> 00:53:27,482 * Why would I lie? 907 00:53:27,582 --> 00:53:30,551 * You can say anything you like 908 00:53:33,088 --> 00:53:36,157 * But you can't touch the merchandise 909 00:53:36,257 --> 00:53:39,560 * She'll give you every penny's worth 910 00:53:39,660 --> 00:53:40,961 (BURPING) 911 00:53:41,062 --> 00:53:44,399 * But it will cost you a dollar 912 00:53:46,067 --> 00:53:49,237 * You can stand outside your little world 913 00:53:50,371 --> 00:53:54,775 * You can talk to a pretty girl 914 00:53:54,875 --> 00:53:58,579 * She's everything you dream about 915 00:54:00,615 --> 00:54:04,219 * But don't fall in love 916 00:54:04,319 --> 00:54:09,157 * She's a beauty, she's one in a million girls 917 00:54:09,257 --> 00:54:11,292 * One in a million girls 918 00:54:11,392 --> 00:54:14,762 * Why would I lie? 919 00:54:15,730 --> 00:54:17,665 * Why would I lie? 920 00:54:17,765 --> 00:54:19,200 * But don't fall in love 921 00:54:19,300 --> 00:54:21,602 Oh, ho! 922 00:54:21,702 --> 00:54:25,706 * She's a beauty, she's one in a million girls 923 00:54:26,641 --> 00:54:28,643 * One in a million girls 924 00:54:28,743 --> 00:54:32,847 * Why would I lie? 925 00:54:32,947 --> 00:54:34,782 * Why would I lie? 926 00:54:34,882 --> 00:54:37,318 * But don't fall in love 927 00:54:38,686 --> 00:54:40,087 T.J., there you are! 928 00:54:40,188 --> 00:54:42,089 Hey, the girl with the giant ears overheard Heinz 929 00:54:42,190 --> 00:54:46,093 talkin' about some photo in the Man-whore Society. We gotta get in there. 930 00:54:46,194 --> 00:54:48,463 -Why aren't you in disguise? -I'm in disguise. 931 00:54:49,964 --> 00:54:53,501 -I'm in blackface. -But you're black. 932 00:54:53,601 --> 00:54:57,938 -Yeah, but I'm disguised as a different black guy. -Well, you look the same. 933 00:54:58,038 --> 00:55:00,875 -What you tryin' to say? We all look alike? -No, that's not it. 934 00:55:00,975 --> 00:55:04,379 You're such a racist! You know, I got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 935 00:55:04,479 --> 00:55:06,247 Come on. Let's go! 936 00:55:13,053 --> 00:55:16,591 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 937 00:55:16,691 --> 00:55:19,660 Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 938 00:55:21,862 --> 00:55:24,632 Still. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 939 00:55:24,732 --> 00:55:27,302 That's what your mama said after I bang her. 940 00:55:27,402 --> 00:55:28,803 (LAUGHING) 941 00:55:29,904 --> 00:55:31,138 Okay, that's it. 942 00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:32,540 Go, go, go! 943 00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:34,375 Ah! 944 00:55:38,279 --> 00:55:40,815 Hey, your mama is in here! 945 00:55:40,915 --> 00:55:44,385 It's okay, I know what I'm talking about. If you're going to stick two in there, 946 00:55:44,485 --> 00:55:46,421 you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 947 00:55:46,521 --> 00:55:49,857 I know what I'm talking about, huh? Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. 948 00:55:52,693 --> 00:55:54,161 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 949 00:56:15,983 --> 00:56:17,385 Oh! 950 00:56:18,819 --> 00:56:19,887 Hey, this thing is locked! 951 00:56:29,430 --> 00:56:30,731 Man. 952 00:56:30,831 --> 00:56:32,833 I only heard about this place. 953 00:56:32,933 --> 00:56:34,835 This is where man-whorin' all started. 954 00:56:37,272 --> 00:56:38,573 Check it out! 955 00:56:38,673 --> 00:56:40,641 You know who this is? 956 00:56:40,741 --> 00:56:43,478 He was the first guy to keep from shootin' his load by thinking about sports. 957 00:56:46,046 --> 00:56:49,550 This guy here? Baron Von Doggystyle. 958 00:56:49,650 --> 00:56:52,119 Led a pimpin' expedition to the Arctic Circle. 959 00:56:52,219 --> 00:56:55,022 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 960 00:56:55,122 --> 00:57:00,295 The only thing left of him is this stick, which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 961 00:57:06,267 --> 00:57:08,703 Now this brother here, Coulter Cunt-Licker. 962 00:57:10,137 --> 00:57:11,772 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass eating. 963 00:57:15,876 --> 00:57:20,114 Vladimir Suck-Me-Off, the first man-ho in space. 964 00:57:20,214 --> 00:57:22,950 They were studying the effects of zero-gravity on the reach-around. 965 00:57:23,050 --> 00:57:24,285 All right, will you cut it out? 966 00:57:24,385 --> 00:57:26,020 I'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 967 00:57:29,790 --> 00:57:32,259 Hey, wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 968 00:57:33,561 --> 00:57:35,796 That's the blonde lady with the leopard coat. 969 00:57:35,896 --> 00:57:37,031 This must be the killer. 970 00:57:39,434 --> 00:57:41,369 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 971 00:57:41,469 --> 00:57:46,774 Ah. I thought I'd just go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff links... 972 00:57:46,874 --> 00:57:50,277 -Assapopulus, you left the trophy case open again. -Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 973 00:57:50,378 --> 00:57:52,547 -(WHISPERING) Deucey. -(WHISPERING) Shh. 974 00:57:52,647 --> 00:57:55,215 -(WHISPERING) I gotta fart. -(WHISPERING) You gotta what? 975 00:57:55,316 --> 00:57:58,052 -(WHISPERING) I gotta fart! -(WHISPERING) Well, hold it. 976 00:57:58,152 --> 00:58:01,288 -(FARTING) -Shh! I hear something... 977 00:58:01,789 --> 00:58:02,957 (FARTING) 978 00:58:04,992 --> 00:58:07,695 I think the building is squeaking. 979 00:58:08,596 --> 00:58:09,930 CHADSWORTH: Maybe it's a bird. 980 00:58:10,030 --> 00:58:11,499 (FARTING) 981 00:58:12,667 --> 00:58:13,701 Ooh... 982 00:58:13,801 --> 00:58:15,436 (LOUDER FARTING) 983 00:58:16,671 --> 00:58:18,038 You idiot! 984 00:58:18,138 --> 00:58:19,507 (SCREAMING) 985 00:58:21,976 --> 00:58:23,043 -Bigalow! -Go now! 986 00:58:24,645 --> 00:58:26,781 -CHADSWORTH: Security! Stop them! -Oh! 987 00:58:28,783 --> 00:58:29,850 T.J.! 988 00:58:29,950 --> 00:58:31,586 (ALARM BLARING) 989 00:58:42,196 --> 00:58:43,631 (SCREAMING) 990 00:58:43,731 --> 00:58:45,132 MAN 1: Through the curtain! MAN 2: What the hell? 991 00:58:45,232 --> 00:58:46,834 TJ: Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 992 00:58:49,670 --> 00:58:52,006 -Enzo? He kill Enzo! -No, no, I didn't do it. 993 00:58:52,106 --> 00:58:53,574 What is that? 994 00:58:55,610 --> 00:58:58,012 Uh, that is not a dick in my hand. 995 00:58:58,112 --> 00:59:01,516 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand. 996 00:59:10,190 --> 00:59:13,227 -Eva! Eva! -I'm in the shower! 997 00:59:13,327 --> 00:59:17,264 -T.J.'s been arrested. -I can't hear you! I'll be out in a minute! 998 00:59:17,364 --> 00:59:20,868 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer 999 00:59:20,968 --> 00:59:24,371 murdered famed gigolo, Enzo Giarraputo. 1000 00:59:24,472 --> 00:59:28,208 Our meteorologist Truce is sick today, filling in is Hank the Bear. 1001 00:59:28,308 --> 00:59:30,144 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1002 00:59:57,605 --> 00:59:59,106 (EVA WHISTLING) 1003 01:00:14,655 --> 01:00:15,723 EVA: Hi! 1004 01:00:15,823 --> 01:00:17,825 Hi. 1005 01:00:17,925 --> 01:00:20,761 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 1006 01:00:20,861 --> 01:00:22,463 -Like what? -(GIGGLING) 1007 01:00:25,032 --> 01:00:26,033 Oh! 1008 01:00:31,572 --> 01:00:33,173 -(GASPING) -Ah! 1009 01:00:33,273 --> 01:00:36,143 I'll get that. I was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 1010 01:00:38,613 --> 01:00:40,848 So, uh, is your uncle home? 1011 01:00:40,948 --> 01:00:44,519 No, we're completely alone. 1012 01:00:44,619 --> 01:00:46,821 -Ah! -Would you like some cheese? 1013 01:00:46,921 --> 01:00:49,957 -I'm lactose-intolerant. -Why are you so jumpy? 1014 01:00:51,626 --> 01:00:53,060 Maybe I can help you relax. 1015 01:00:57,965 --> 01:00:59,466 You're shaking. 1016 01:01:01,401 --> 01:01:04,171 -Maybe it's because I'm cold. -I can fix that. 1017 01:01:05,239 --> 01:01:06,674 Why don't you pour us a drink? 1018 01:01:12,379 --> 01:01:15,950 So, uh, I guess we're all alone, huh? 1019 01:01:16,684 --> 01:01:17,618 Ah! 1020 01:01:17,718 --> 01:01:18,753 Yes. 1021 01:01:20,655 --> 01:01:22,723 Deuce. You're scaring me. 1022 01:01:23,758 --> 01:01:24,825 Eva... 1023 01:01:27,427 --> 01:01:30,497 Listen. Everything I'm about to do 1024 01:01:30,598 --> 01:01:33,901 -is because I really care for you. -Oh, Deuce. 1025 01:01:34,802 --> 01:01:36,170 Now, I don't know why... 1026 01:01:38,172 --> 01:01:39,774 I don't know why you've done this, 1027 01:01:39,874 --> 01:01:42,009 but I'm gonna give you everything I've got. 1028 01:01:42,109 --> 01:01:44,044 * Baby, grind with me 1029 01:01:44,144 --> 01:01:47,648 * Relax your mind Take your time with me 1030 01:01:47,748 --> 01:01:51,051 * I'll love you deeper if you cry for me 1031 01:01:51,151 --> 01:01:54,555 * Now come and kiss me till your body gets weak 1032 01:01:54,655 --> 01:01:58,225 * Just grind with me Baby, grind with me 1033 01:01:58,325 --> 01:02:01,428 * Relax your mind Take your time with me 1034 01:02:01,528 --> 01:02:04,064 * I'll love you deeper if you cry for me * 1035 01:02:09,403 --> 01:02:10,605 EVA: Deuce? 1036 01:02:20,615 --> 01:02:24,118 -Don't go in there. Stop! -Gaspar! Gaspar! I know who the killer is! 1037 01:02:24,218 --> 01:02:25,686 I know who the killer is. 1038 01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:36,263 -I know who the killer is. -I knew, sooner or later, someone would figure it out. 1039 01:02:42,469 --> 01:02:44,138 Sorry I have to be the one to tell ya. 1040 01:02:49,910 --> 01:02:50,978 It's Eva. 1041 01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:53,781 It's Eva? 1042 01:02:56,250 --> 01:02:58,753 You mean my niece, Eva? 1043 01:02:58,853 --> 01:03:02,189 I know it sounds crazy, but I found the lipstick. 1044 01:03:02,289 --> 01:03:05,993 The same lipstick the killer used. Shimmer Lavender Love, Number 66, 1045 01:03:06,093 --> 01:03:07,995 at your house. 1046 01:03:08,095 --> 01:03:12,199 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 1047 01:03:12,299 --> 01:03:16,103 Exactly! Plus, I heard her whistling the same song I heard the killer whistle. 1048 01:03:16,203 --> 01:03:17,237 Like... 1049 01:03:17,337 --> 01:03:19,774 (WHISTLING) 1050 01:03:23,377 --> 01:03:25,279 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 1051 01:03:25,379 --> 01:03:29,016 And you tell me, why would anyone but the killer be whistling that specific song? 1052 01:03:29,116 --> 01:03:30,851 I mean, the odds would be astronomical. 1053 01:03:30,951 --> 01:03:32,887 Maybe the song got stuck in her head 1054 01:03:32,987 --> 01:03:35,122 because she overheard the real killer whistling it 1055 01:03:35,222 --> 01:03:36,824 and maybe the real killer is someone... 1056 01:03:38,826 --> 01:03:41,896 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 1057 01:03:43,497 --> 01:03:45,065 Sure. 1058 01:03:45,165 --> 01:03:48,135 Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 1059 01:03:48,235 --> 01:03:52,606 Look, I understand this must be very difficult for you to be out-thunk 1060 01:03:52,707 --> 01:03:54,141 by a civilian like myself. 1061 01:03:54,241 --> 01:03:56,143 But we have to put our egos aside right now 1062 01:03:56,243 --> 01:03:57,945 and do what's best for Eva. 1063 01:03:58,045 --> 01:04:00,247 She's clearly ill, and she needs our help. 1064 01:04:00,347 --> 01:04:02,016 You're absolutely right. 1065 01:04:02,116 --> 01:04:05,019 You know, the only thing I can't think of is motive. 1066 01:04:05,119 --> 01:04:07,421 Now, what could she possibly have against man-whores? 1067 01:04:07,521 --> 01:04:09,890 Maybe because they represent a decline 1068 01:04:09,990 --> 01:04:12,392 of this once-glorious city... 1069 01:04:12,492 --> 01:04:14,361 ...which has now become a new Sodom and Gomorrah 1070 01:04:14,461 --> 01:04:17,097 for rich college kids to smoke hash, 1071 01:04:17,197 --> 01:04:20,467 to fornicate with Venezuelan hookers or to defecate 1072 01:04:20,567 --> 01:04:23,270 on our historic cobblestone streets. 1073 01:04:23,370 --> 01:04:25,072 They don't defecate on the streets. 1074 01:04:30,044 --> 01:04:31,478 Hey. 1075 01:04:31,578 --> 01:04:33,680 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? I mean, he could be a local. 1076 01:04:40,020 --> 01:04:43,090 -Where is Eva now? -Oh, she's at your house. 1077 01:04:44,324 --> 01:04:45,359 Good. 1078 01:04:53,233 --> 01:04:55,502 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 1079 01:04:55,602 --> 01:04:59,339 She doesn't seem that dangerous. You're not gonna hurt her, are you? 1080 01:04:59,439 --> 01:05:01,108 You can never be too careful. 1081 01:05:03,878 --> 01:05:05,112 That poor guy. 1082 01:05:05,212 --> 01:05:08,315 What a dipshit. 1083 01:05:08,415 --> 01:05:11,551 Tonight, the sexually inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy, 1084 01:05:11,651 --> 01:05:15,722 safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos 1085 01:05:15,823 --> 01:05:19,293 are right here under one roof, all asking, 1086 01:05:19,393 --> 01:05:23,530 "Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?" 1087 01:05:23,630 --> 01:05:27,301 In this car, we do, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening... 1088 01:05:27,401 --> 01:05:29,269 -Oh, damn it. -...his mother. 1089 01:05:29,369 --> 01:05:33,073 She's the woman that, uh, made me start into prostitution, 1090 01:05:33,173 --> 01:05:34,574 made me go into prostitution. 1091 01:05:34,674 --> 01:05:36,476 I wanted to become a doctor, but... 1092 01:05:36,576 --> 01:05:37,744 EVA: Uncle, you home? 1093 01:05:39,479 --> 01:05:43,818 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 1094 01:05:43,918 --> 01:05:47,554 -Man-whore Awards? -MAN: (ON TV) Please welcome your host for this evening, 1095 01:05:47,654 --> 01:05:50,891 -Johnny Vaughan. -JOHNNY: Thank you very much, indeed. 1096 01:05:50,991 --> 01:05:53,894 Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores, 1097 01:05:53,994 --> 01:05:58,598 a night where we celebrate those guys who can get wood, no matter what. 1098 01:05:58,698 --> 01:06:02,269 -Do you know, they have gay-pride days... -Oh, my God. 1099 01:06:02,369 --> 01:06:03,470 GASPAR: Yes. 1100 01:06:05,973 --> 01:06:08,442 I'm going to kill them all. 1101 01:06:08,542 --> 01:06:11,778 -But why? -Don't you see what's happening to our country? 1102 01:06:12,479 --> 01:06:14,448 Whoo-hoo! 1103 01:06:17,417 --> 01:06:19,553 But it's murder. 1104 01:06:19,653 --> 01:06:21,555 (CHUCKLING) 1105 01:06:21,655 --> 01:06:26,360 During the final gala number, when all these man-whores are gathered on stage, 1106 01:06:26,460 --> 01:06:29,864 I push this little button, and poof! 1107 01:06:29,964 --> 01:06:35,435 Bye-bye, gigolos. Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend, 1108 01:06:35,535 --> 01:06:36,971 Deuce Bigalow. 1109 01:06:37,071 --> 01:06:38,973 -I won't let you! -Ah-choo! 1110 01:06:41,141 --> 01:06:42,342 If you wanna stop me... 1111 01:06:45,946 --> 01:06:48,448 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 1112 01:06:54,989 --> 01:06:57,958 -Where's Eva? -Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 1113 01:06:58,058 --> 01:07:00,227 -I'm going there too. -I'm comin' with you. 1114 01:07:01,328 --> 01:07:04,364 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 1115 01:07:19,113 --> 01:07:21,615 Now, let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 1116 01:07:21,715 --> 01:07:26,954 In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival sideshow, eatin' broken glass. 1117 01:07:27,054 --> 01:07:30,991 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 1118 01:07:31,091 --> 01:07:33,260 And it's all collected in the linin' of my anus. 1119 01:07:34,995 --> 01:07:38,198 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 1120 01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:42,502 Here to perform his signature move, 1121 01:07:42,602 --> 01:07:47,942 the Chili Rainbow, would you please welcome Assapopulus Mariolis. 1122 01:07:48,042 --> 01:07:49,276 (ALL CHEERING) 1123 01:07:56,683 --> 01:07:57,851 Ah! 1124 01:07:57,952 --> 01:08:01,255 * Ma-ya-hi Ma-ya-hu 1125 01:08:01,355 --> 01:08:07,027 * Ma-ya-ho Ma-ya-ha-ha Ma-ya-hi 1126 01:08:07,127 --> 01:08:12,332 * Ma-ya-hu Ma-ya-ho * 1127 01:08:12,432 --> 01:08:16,937 -EVA: Deuce! Deuce! Right here! -Hey, Eva's right behind us. 1128 01:08:17,037 --> 01:08:18,405 EVA: Deuce, stop! 1129 01:08:20,340 --> 01:08:21,908 What are you doin'? She's right back there. 1130 01:08:22,009 --> 01:08:25,980 -Deuce! He's the killer! -What? 1131 01:08:26,080 --> 01:08:28,548 -You're with the killer! -I'm with the dealer? 1132 01:08:28,648 --> 01:08:31,418 -EVA: He's the Man-whore Killer! -Eighteen-wheeler? 1133 01:08:32,552 --> 01:08:35,022 My uncle is the killer! 1134 01:08:35,122 --> 01:08:38,058 Oh. I'm with the... You're the... 1135 01:08:38,158 --> 01:08:41,928 She says that I am the killer, you stupido. 1136 01:08:42,029 --> 01:08:45,165 -(TIRES SCREECHING) -(EVA YELLING) 1137 01:08:47,267 --> 01:08:49,803 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 1138 01:08:49,903 --> 01:08:52,939 What did they do to me? Ha! 1139 01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:56,376 All my life, I dreamed of being one thing. A gigolo. 1140 01:08:56,476 --> 01:08:58,979 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 1141 01:09:00,447 --> 01:09:03,650 I'll never forget that day. Never. 1142 01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:06,753 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 1143 01:09:06,853 --> 01:09:13,160 Now, today, class, we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portuguese Breakfast. 1144 01:09:13,260 --> 01:09:16,063 Ya take an egg, and ya crack it. 1145 01:09:16,163 --> 01:09:21,868 Ya mix 'em up. Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 1146 01:09:21,968 --> 01:09:24,771 -And? -And we pour that in there. Beautiful. 1147 01:09:24,871 --> 01:09:27,774 -Very nice, now. And, uh... -Don't forget the Canadian bacon. 1148 01:09:27,874 --> 01:09:29,876 EARL: The Canadian bacon, of course. I was just gettin' to that. 1149 01:09:29,976 --> 01:09:32,246 -What are you doing? -It's a penis enlarger. 1150 01:09:32,346 --> 01:09:34,481 It says just a few pumps, and it gets your thing bigger. 1151 01:09:34,581 --> 01:09:36,583 You mind if I give myself a few pumps? 1152 01:09:36,683 --> 01:09:38,518 -Go nuts. -There we go. 1153 01:09:39,453 --> 01:09:40,554 So there ya have it. 1154 01:09:40,654 --> 01:09:43,990 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 1155 01:09:44,091 --> 01:09:45,225 Delicious. 1156 01:09:45,859 --> 01:09:47,294 -Elsa? -Gaspar? 1157 01:09:49,663 --> 01:09:50,664 (BURSTING SOUND) 1158 01:09:51,465 --> 01:09:52,432 (LAUGHING) 1159 01:09:55,235 --> 01:09:57,037 They knew she was my fiance. 1160 01:09:57,137 --> 01:09:59,073 And tonight, I will get my revenge. 1161 01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:07,681 Leave it! 1162 01:10:15,289 --> 01:10:16,690 (EVA YELLING) 1163 01:10:19,759 --> 01:10:22,796 I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! 1164 01:10:25,031 --> 01:10:26,800 -Are you all right? -Yeah. Are you okay? 1165 01:10:26,900 --> 01:10:30,237 Stop! Stop! Police business. 1166 01:10:30,337 --> 01:10:32,106 -Come, we gotta stop him. -Yeah. 1167 01:10:33,507 --> 01:10:35,875 Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. 1168 01:10:35,975 --> 01:10:38,878 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year, 1169 01:10:38,978 --> 01:10:41,481 let's take a moment to honor those gigolos 1170 01:10:41,581 --> 01:10:43,083 who have recently passed. 1171 01:10:43,950 --> 01:10:45,452 (ALL CLAPPING) 1172 01:10:47,287 --> 01:10:51,158 * Every rose has its thorn 1173 01:10:53,293 --> 01:11:00,066 * Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song 1174 01:11:00,934 --> 01:11:02,469 * Every rose... 1175 01:11:02,569 --> 01:11:04,438 Hey, Daddy. I was lookin' in your underwear drawer 1176 01:11:04,538 --> 01:11:06,306 and I found this bracelet. 1177 01:11:07,674 --> 01:11:10,910 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 1178 01:11:11,010 --> 01:11:14,314 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he... 1179 01:11:14,948 --> 01:11:18,352 His he... His he... 1180 01:11:20,220 --> 01:11:23,157 -Happy birthday, son, ya got a bracelet. -Ha-ha. Great. 1181 01:11:25,559 --> 01:11:28,628 -Let's go. Come on. -JOHNNY: And now, the award you've all been waiting for, 1182 01:11:28,728 --> 01:11:30,364 the Man-whore of the Year. 1183 01:11:30,464 --> 01:11:32,266 All right, listen. You go get help. 1184 01:11:32,366 --> 01:11:33,633 I'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 1185 01:11:33,733 --> 01:11:35,402 Okay. Good luck. 1186 01:11:36,603 --> 01:11:38,004 Excuse me. 1187 01:11:38,104 --> 01:11:40,374 You have to get off the stage right now, or you'll all be killed! 1188 01:11:40,474 --> 01:11:42,976 Get the hell out of here, douche, before I have you thrown out. 1189 01:11:43,076 --> 01:11:44,378 There's a bomb on the stage! 1190 01:11:44,478 --> 01:11:48,815 -You idiot. -You're all gonna die! 1191 01:11:48,915 --> 01:11:51,985 I'm the Man-whore Killer! This is a bomb! Everybody out! 1192 01:11:52,085 --> 01:11:53,520 -(ALL SCREAMING) -Everybody get out! 1193 01:11:54,654 --> 01:11:56,156 -You gotta get out of here! -Ugh. 1194 01:12:01,861 --> 01:12:04,664 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 1195 01:12:06,900 --> 01:12:10,370 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 1196 01:12:10,470 --> 01:12:12,172 I was never able to satisfy a woman. 1197 01:12:12,272 --> 01:12:14,574 I'll see to it that they won't, either. 1198 01:12:19,813 --> 01:12:23,917 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 1199 01:12:25,619 --> 01:12:27,687 Those gigolos don't know what they're talkin' about. 1200 01:12:27,787 --> 01:12:29,189 Is he talking about us? 1201 01:12:34,060 --> 01:12:38,265 Do you really think all a woman wants is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel 1202 01:12:38,365 --> 01:12:41,435 or a Turkish Snow Cone or an Irish Facial? 1203 01:12:42,769 --> 01:12:46,105 -Yes, they do, liar. -WOMEN: No. 1204 01:12:46,206 --> 01:12:49,643 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1205 01:12:49,743 --> 01:12:51,578 Or at least pretend to. 1206 01:12:51,678 --> 01:12:54,348 -Yes. -What? 1207 01:12:54,448 --> 01:13:00,420 When she's hurting, ask her how she feels. Cry with her. 1208 01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:03,590 -CROWD: Yeah! -These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1209 01:13:05,091 --> 01:13:07,594 I've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1210 01:13:10,930 --> 01:13:12,766 I faked it. 1211 01:13:14,868 --> 01:13:17,404 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch 1212 01:13:17,504 --> 01:13:20,274 or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1213 01:13:21,074 --> 01:13:22,442 This guy knows his shit. 1214 01:13:26,079 --> 01:13:27,547 What are you doing? 1215 01:13:29,483 --> 01:13:30,884 Anyone else? 1216 01:13:36,490 --> 01:13:38,292 If you let a woman really know you care about her, 1217 01:13:38,392 --> 01:13:39,993 maybe she'll give you an Irish Facial. 1218 01:13:50,370 --> 01:13:53,373 We will die together, man-whore. 1219 01:13:53,473 --> 01:13:54,908 (GASPING) 1220 01:13:55,008 --> 01:13:56,410 You don't have to do this. 1221 01:13:56,510 --> 01:13:59,613 -They ruined my life! -Give me the detonator. 1222 01:13:59,713 --> 01:14:00,714 No. 1223 01:14:01,748 --> 01:14:03,450 My penis exploded. 1224 01:14:04,984 --> 01:14:06,953 Okay, that's a tough one. I'll give you that. 1225 01:14:08,822 --> 01:14:12,392 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1226 01:14:14,661 --> 01:14:17,797 -No. No. -Gaspar! 1227 01:14:17,897 --> 01:14:18,932 Hmm? 1228 01:14:25,071 --> 01:14:26,606 (CHEERING) 1229 01:14:27,374 --> 01:14:28,675 Are you okay? 1230 01:14:31,445 --> 01:14:32,679 We did it! Oh! 1231 01:14:37,651 --> 01:14:39,018 ALL: Oh! 1232 01:14:39,118 --> 01:14:40,086 That's the grossest thing 1233 01:14:40,186 --> 01:14:41,488 I've ever seen. 1234 01:14:41,588 --> 01:14:43,990 And I've seen some pretty gross things. 1235 01:14:44,090 --> 01:14:45,425 POLICEMAN: In the car. Head down. 1236 01:14:45,525 --> 01:14:48,628 I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1237 01:14:48,728 --> 01:14:51,297 CHADSWORTH: Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1238 01:14:53,032 --> 01:14:55,068 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1239 01:14:55,168 --> 01:14:57,337 Thanks. I... That's very... 1240 01:14:58,738 --> 01:14:59,706 This belongs to you too. 1241 01:15:01,908 --> 01:15:03,042 Hang it to the left. 1242 01:15:04,578 --> 01:15:06,212 You gonna eat that? 1243 01:15:06,312 --> 01:15:07,981 -Knock yourself out. -Thank you. 1244 01:15:11,785 --> 01:15:14,988 So... I guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1245 01:15:15,088 --> 01:15:16,923 I don't want you to treat me any differently. 1246 01:15:17,023 --> 01:15:19,626 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1247 01:15:19,726 --> 01:15:21,428 Well, first one's always free. 1248 01:15:25,031 --> 01:15:28,334 -Mmm. Deuce! -What? 1249 01:15:29,469 --> 01:15:31,070 Oh, no! 1250 01:15:31,170 --> 01:15:32,706 No, it's, it's just this. 1251 01:15:32,806 --> 01:15:34,441 * And that's the way I like it 1252 01:15:36,042 --> 01:15:37,711 * My garden's a secret 1253 01:15:40,880 --> 01:15:42,682 * And that's the way I like it 1254 01:15:42,782 --> 01:15:49,122 * So please, baby, please 1255 01:15:51,024 --> 01:15:53,427 * Open your heart 1256 01:15:55,194 --> 01:15:58,097 Deucey! Whoo! Thank you, Jesus. 1257 01:15:59,633 --> 01:16:01,067 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1258 01:16:02,436 --> 01:16:04,170 Oh, you askin' if I got ass-punked. 1259 01:16:04,270 --> 01:16:05,705 Is that's what's happenin' right now? 1260 01:16:05,805 --> 01:16:07,206 Not if you don't wanna talk about it. 1261 01:16:07,306 --> 01:16:10,343 Well, turns out, I'm not that attractive. 1262 01:16:10,444 --> 01:16:12,245 Well, you should know you've been cleared of murder, 1263 01:16:12,345 --> 01:16:13,680 but people still think you're gay. 1264 01:16:13,780 --> 01:16:16,249 Hey, hey, hey. Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. 1265 01:16:16,349 --> 01:16:20,420 Look at it: T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1266 01:16:20,520 --> 01:16:21,888 I mean, I'm gonna corner the market, man. 1267 01:16:21,988 --> 01:16:23,089 Check out my new bitches. 1268 01:16:23,189 --> 01:16:24,424 -Hello, darling. -Hi, sweetie. 1269 01:16:24,524 --> 01:16:26,092 -Hi. -MAN: Love you. 1270 01:16:27,160 --> 01:16:29,028 Mmm-hmm. 1271 01:16:29,128 --> 01:16:30,797 Let's get some chicken and waffles. My treat. 1272 01:16:30,897 --> 01:16:33,299 Oh. You sayin' the first thing a brother wants when he get out of prison 1273 01:16:33,399 --> 01:16:34,701 -is chicken and waffles. -DEUCE: Oh, come on. 1274 01:16:34,801 --> 01:16:36,603 Hey, get your sheet cocks back to work. 1275 01:16:37,737 --> 01:16:40,707 * Step right up and don't be shy 1276 01:16:42,576 --> 01:16:46,112 * Because you will not believe your eyes 1277 01:16:46,212 --> 01:16:50,584 * She's right here behind the glass 1278 01:16:50,684 --> 01:16:54,554 * And you're gonna like her 'cause she's got class 1279 01:16:56,055 --> 01:17:00,293 * You can look inside another world 1280 01:17:00,393 --> 01:17:04,698 * You get to talk to a pretty girl 1281 01:17:04,798 --> 01:17:08,434 * She's everything you dream about 1282 01:17:10,637 --> 01:17:13,106 * But don't fall in love 1283 01:17:14,273 --> 01:17:15,742 * She's a beauty 1284 01:17:15,842 --> 01:17:18,678 * She's one in a million girls 1285 01:17:18,778 --> 01:17:21,180 * She's a beauty 1286 01:17:21,280 --> 01:17:25,752 * Why would I lie? 1287 01:17:25,852 --> 01:17:27,721 * Why would I lie? 1288 01:17:27,821 --> 01:17:29,856 * But don't fall in love 1289 01:17:31,658 --> 01:17:33,259 * She's a beauty 1290 01:17:33,359 --> 01:17:35,461 * She's one in a million girls 1291 01:17:36,095 --> 01:17:38,632 * She's a beauty 1292 01:17:38,732 --> 01:17:39,999 * Why would I lie? 1293 01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:48,642 * One, two, three, four! 1294 01:17:54,748 --> 01:17:57,050 * I said no, no, never 1295 01:17:57,150 --> 01:18:00,286 * We don't go together 1296 01:18:00,386 --> 01:18:03,757 * Oh, I really couldn't take anymore 1297 01:18:06,225 --> 01:18:09,028 * Now, it's two weeks later 1298 01:18:09,128 --> 01:18:11,631 * I feel such a traitor 1299 01:18:11,731 --> 01:18:15,635 * Oh, I let you in my back door 1300 01:18:18,104 --> 01:18:21,140 * You're the one who's creepin' 1301 01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:23,610 * Rough love's so deceivin' 1302 01:18:23,710 --> 01:18:26,913 * I said never again, but here we are 1303 01:18:30,016 --> 01:18:32,786 * A pure, pure sweetness 1304 01:18:32,886 --> 01:18:35,488 * You're my only weakness 1305 01:18:35,589 --> 01:18:39,559 * I said never again, but here we are 1306 01:18:44,764 --> 01:18:46,666 * Now, I don't rush in 1307 01:18:46,766 --> 01:18:50,637 * I bite my lip and let you know 1308 01:18:51,671 --> 01:18:54,207 * I really like the game you play 1309 01:18:55,675 --> 01:18:58,678 I'd be better off without you 1310 01:18:59,613 --> 01:19:02,081 * But I can't live without you 1311 01:19:02,181 --> 01:19:06,820 * No, am I ever gonna break away? 1312 01:19:06,920 --> 01:19:08,254 * Ooh, yeah 1313 01:19:08,354 --> 01:19:11,224 * You're the one who's creepin' 1314 01:19:11,324 --> 01:19:13,793 * Rough love's so deceivin' 1315 01:19:13,893 --> 01:19:17,864 * I said never again, but here we are 1316 01:19:20,433 --> 01:19:23,202 * A pure, pure sweetness 1317 01:19:23,302 --> 01:19:26,105 * You're my only weakness 1318 01:19:26,205 --> 01:19:30,243 * I said never again, but here we are 1319 01:19:32,646 --> 01:19:34,681 * Yeah 1320 01:19:34,781 --> 01:19:38,785 * I try to run, but I don't get too far * 1321 01:19:40,153 --> 01:19:45,959 * 'Cause I can't let go I can't take no more 1322 01:19:46,059 --> 01:19:51,765 * Boy, I want you so Oh-Oo-Oh 1323 01:19:51,865 --> 01:19:57,603 * No, I can't let go I can't take no more 1324 01:19:57,704 --> 01:20:01,741 * And I want you so Oh-Oo-Oh 1325 01:20:02,876 --> 01:20:04,944 * One, two, three, four! 1326 01:20:05,044 --> 01:20:07,647 * You're the one who's creeping 1327 01:20:07,747 --> 01:20:10,149 * Rough love's so deceiving 1328 01:20:10,249 --> 01:20:14,320 * I said never again, but here we are 1329 01:20:16,856 --> 01:20:22,061 * A pure, pure sweetness You're my only weakness 1330 01:20:22,161 --> 01:20:26,632 * I said never again, but here we are 1331 01:20:28,534 --> 01:20:30,837 * You're the one who's creeping 1332 01:20:30,937 --> 01:20:34,040 * Rough love's so deceiving 1333 01:20:34,140 --> 01:20:38,177 * I said never again, but here we are 1334 01:20:40,579 --> 01:20:45,785 * A pure, pure sweetness You're my only weakness 1335 01:20:45,885 --> 01:20:49,388 * I said never again, but here we are 1336 01:20:52,058 --> 01:20:55,328 * I said never again, but here we are 1337 01:20:57,964 --> 01:21:02,401 * I told you never to play your new guitar * 93099