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1
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Wah!
2
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:15,204
Hmm.
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00:00:23,454 --> 00:00:30,498
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)
4
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:41,163
♪ Oh, life on the outside
ain't what it used to be ♪
5
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,731
♪ You know,
the world's gone crazy,
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00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:47,246
and it ain't safe
on the street ♪
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00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,439
♪ Oh! ♪
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00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:53,578
♪ Well, it's a drag, and I know
there's only one place to go ♪
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00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,553
♪ I'm coming home ♪
10
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:56,987
♪ Whoa, yeah ♪
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00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,355
♪ I'm coming home ♪
12
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,833
Oh, God! Oh, God!
13
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,233
He's gonna blow!
14
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,516
All right, all right.
15
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,251
And now the amazing Jared!
16
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:51,935
And now tonight's final act,
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the Warden and his very
special friend.
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00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,245
Nice dolly, Warden.
19
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,308
Get your hand out of
the puppet's ass, homo.
20
00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:01,080
Baby's got a new toy.
21
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,419
Shut your pieholes, dirtbags.
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00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,391
I'd like to introduce
you to my little pal,
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00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,517
Prison Pee-Dee.
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00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,152
Say hello, Pee-Dee.
25
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,060
Hello.
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00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,734
That was awkward.
27
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,136
There's always room
for improvement, sir.
28
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,265
I've been practicing magic
since I went sober.
29
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,742
Why don't you teach me
your little parlor tricks,
30
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,073
for everyone's sake?
31
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,137
A true magician never
reveals his secrets.
32
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,106
Get your ass out here,
amazing jack-off.
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00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:32,173
Your fans suck.
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00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,584
Please, Jared!
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00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,645
I want to be
popular like you.
36
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,590
Magic isn't some quick path
to social acceptance.
37
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,822
Magic is an art form that
takes practice, hard work,
38
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,557
and discipline.
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00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,622
I don't have the time
or the patience
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for patience
and hard work.
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00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,463
Mark my words,
amazing Jared.
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00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,995
I'll find a way to be the most
talented employee in Superjail.
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00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,478
Can you point us somewhere
that we might improve
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00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,547
our magic tricks?
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"Magic for Dummies."
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This is just what I need to
take down the amazing Jared.
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Whoo!
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00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,870
Fiery flame burning bright,
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00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,101
turn this dummy
funny tonight.
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It's working.
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00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,612
Say something funny.
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00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,546
Put some pants on, dummy.
53
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,607
Whoo-hoo!
It worked!
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00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:39,913
It worked!
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00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,385
Again, again!
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00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:44,014
Seriously, put your clothes
on before I choke on my barf,
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you scrawny bastard.
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00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,087
He's good.
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00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,537
Watch and learn,
Has-been-dini.
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00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:02,131
And now the Warden.
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00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,477
I don't know what you're
all complaining about.
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00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,812
I'm the one who's got
the Warden's hand up my ass.
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00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:13,716
- Good one, dummy!
- This one's the dummy.
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00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:15,981
Now pull down your pants,
dummy.
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00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,989
Uh, I don't know.
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00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,154
See? They love you, dummy.
Who's the dummy?
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00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,563
Who's the dummy?
Who's the dummy?
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00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,659
And now dummy's gonna
get water-boarded
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00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,795
while I tell
you all some jokes.
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00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,707
I have to hand it
to you, sir.
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00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,675
An act like this could go
straight to the top.
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00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,178
How does a small dumbass
like you
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00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:41,907
think big like that?
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00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,710
You should be our manager,
genius.
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00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:45,444
- Me?
- He's joking, Jared.
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00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,883
You've got other
responsibilities.
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00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,614
I'm not joking, dummy.
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00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,417
Responsibilities are overrated,
79
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,481
and we need to strike
while we're hot.
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00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,549
We got to grow corn
while the sun's shining.
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00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,790
Besides, we already got him
an assistant to play grab-ass with.
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00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,798
We did?
83
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,663
Check out your new digs.
84
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:08,140
It's showtime!
85
00:05:15,915 --> 00:05:18,042
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
86
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,537
Another sold-out show.
87
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:47,272
This Pee-Dee stuff
sold like puri cakes.
88
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,076
They're not
touching this stuff.
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00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:50,911
It's like a fat
chick with the clap.
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00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,213
I think it's clear.
It's time to split, Warden.
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00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,277
I couldn't agree
with you more.
92
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,721
Jared, bump my share of
the profits up to half.
93
00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:01,191
No, dummy!
Split up, like you're fired!
94
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:02,750
Ain't that right,
dumbass?
95
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,296
- I couldn't...
- You're the manager.
96
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,355
You know I'm the one
they want to see.
97
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,263
I'm the one paying you 10%
98
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:11,792
and keeping your office stocked
with booze and blow.
99
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,702
Who's it gonna be, dumbass?
100
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,173
Me or the dummy?
101
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,301
Aah!
102
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,369
He's right, sir.
Come on, hand him over.
103
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:21,777
No, I won't.
104
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,839
He's mine.
I made him.
105
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:25,281
This is my act, not his.
106
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,148
Come on, take it like a man.
107
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,314
For Pee-Dee's sake,
have some dignity.
108
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,982
You'll regret this,
Jared.
109
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,958
He's a little
wooden backstabber.
110
00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:35,687
You'll see!
- Take a whiff.
111
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,127
Whoa!
112
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:39,164
You done good, dumbass.
113
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,860
It's our lucky break,
the big time!
114
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,993
You sure got a big head,
dumbass.
115
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,561
I hope it's big enough to
take this show on the road.
116
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,732
You bet it is, boss!
117
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,241
We're going on tour!
118
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:58,114
No!
119
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:01,017
This super-sized prison
Pee-Dee is great.
120
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,351
It's gonna knock them
dead on the outside.
121
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,515
Uh-oh.
122
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:07,684
Someone's gonna have
to stay behind.
123
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:08,784
Sorry, Gary.
124
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:11,329
The little people don't always
make it to the big time.
125
00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:13,024
You are smart, dumbass.
126
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,964
I'll bring you
back a souvenir.
127
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,694
I don't want a souvenir!
128
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,830
I want to go on tour!
I made you a star!
129
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,899
Traitor! Ingrate!
Backstabber!
130
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,370
You were right.
He ditched me.
131
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:32,681
Grape juice?
132
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,117
Never been much
of a drinker.
133
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,985
Oh, sir,
can you ever forgive me?
134
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:40,822
Fame can change a man,
Jared, give him a big head.
135
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,918
And your head is already big...
enormous, actually.
136
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:45,896
The cards were stacked against
you from the start, I guess.
137
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,692
I forgive you, Jared.
138
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,361
Oh, thank you, sir.
139
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:53,302
I just want to
know one thing.
140
00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:55,806
How did your act get
so good overnight?
141
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,365
Magic, duh.
142
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:59,570
Sir, this book
is a bunch of nonsense.
143
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:03,945
How did Pee-Dee keep talking if
you weren't throwing your voice?
144
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:08,077
The fame and excitement must
have been clouding my judgment.
145
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,782
Of course!
146
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,222
Gary and Bird!
147
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,168
What do you say
I show you a few tricks
148
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:36,215
and we give Superjail
the greatest show
149
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:39,183
they've ever seen, partner?
150
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,856
Aah!
151
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,846
Aah! Aah! Aah!
152
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,560
I don't get it.
153
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,603
Says here he was such
a smooth talker,
154
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,365
his old warden chopped
his tongue off.
155
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,272
Yeah, but it's the vocal
cords that does all the work.
156
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,436
He won't be using those
anymore to throw his voice.
157
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:14,342
Doesn't mean we can't
throw his voice...
158
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,937
in to the trash.
159
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,983
Now, that's the best trick
I've seen all day...
160
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,211
Making Gary's voice disappear.
161
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:30,224
You haven't heard
the last of Gary!
162
00:10:35,296 --> 00:10:45,231
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)
11490
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