Original subtitles

OLD RANGER: And now, Death Valley Days.

♪♪ [ trumpets ]

Howdy, folks.

I'’m the Old Ranger,

and I have another interesting, true story for you

about the historic Death Valley country.

This is a story that tickles all husbands

and infuriates most wives.

It'’s about a desert couple,

who, after prospecting for many years,

finally hit pay dirt in the Death Valley region

and started working their mine.

As we open, though, on the story of...

[chattering]

Henry Riggs isn'’t working.

He'’s enjoying a little relaxation

with some of his cronies in camp.

Come on, bones, hit the road, I bet my load.

Ha!

Eight!

Three ways to make it--

ha! Six!

That'’s a big part of-- eight is what we want,

Good old eight.

Eight-er from Decatur. Six and two.

Five and three,

four and four.

Any way you wanna make it is all right with me.

Are you warm enough?

All right, let me have it!

Elvira.

You men get, and be quick about it!

The idea of turnin'’ my home into a gamblin'’ joint!

If I catch you at it again,

I'’ll use this shovel on your heads

instead of your pants.

So, I send you to town to buy a new pickaxe,

and this is where you wind up

while I slave in the mine all day.

Well, if--

if you'’d sell our strike like I'’ve been begging you to,

you wouldn'’t have to slave in the mine all day.

We could get 10 or 20 thousand for it, I know.

And that'’s all you know.

Here, take a look at these.

[ sniffs ]

Smells like high-grade.

If it ain'’t, my name ain'’t Elvira Riggs.

Where'’d you get it?From the mine.

I set a charge at the end of the drift today

and uncovered it.

You don'’t say.

You know, that just proves my point.

I knew we'’d find richer stuff in that strike

if we just didn'’t go up half-cocked,

and sell it too quick.

Yes, sir, I had a feeling.

Aw, shut up. You ain'’t had a feeling

since the day the oil bucket fell on ya.

Well, Mr. Johnson, what do you think?

You'’ve got a nice property here.

We like it. We, uh--

I'’ll make a report to my company

in San Francisco,

with the recommendation to buy.

Fine, fine.

For how much?

[exhales]

60 thousand dollars.

60 thousand? Sold!

Not enough.

Elvira--

Not enough.

Yeah, not nearly enough.

What figure did you have in mind?

80 thousand.

80?

That would include the whole, uh--

group of claims?

No, just this main one.

Yeah, this main one.

"The Hot Tamale."

I named it--

after a girl I met once. [chuckles]

Uh-- years and years ago,

before I was married.

Well, you give us an option on the property, and, uh--

we'’ll let you have an answer.

When?

Within a week.

It'’s a deal.

It'’s a deal.

Yeah.

[ clock ticking ]

Henry,

put the bottle back.

Thought I'’d have a little drink to celebrate.

There ain'’t nothing to celebrate yet.

Mr. Johnson said--

Said he'’d recommend that they buy.

I'’ll believe it when the papers are signed.

Well, then I gotta keep my hopes up.

Put the bottle back.

Henry.

[ clock ticking ]

Sometimes I think I'’m married

to the whole Ten Commandments.

Henry Riggs, that'’s sacrilege.

[ loud knocking ]

[ panting ]

What'’s the matter, Bob?

I got--

I gotta, a--

a telegram for you.

From the mining company in San Francisco?

Well, let me have it.

I-- I was-- [ panting ]

I was too excited to--

to-- to write it down.

Well, what did they say?

[ coughing ]

"Will pay 70 thousand cash

for Hot Tamale."

Signed, Johnson.

Elvira, we'’re rich. We'’re rich!

We'’re rich! [ laughs ]

Wow, we got more money than you can shake a stick at.

Stop it, stop it!

You still have to go to San Francisco

to close the deal.

Oh, well I'’ll go tonight.

Oh, there ain'’t no stage tonight.

Well, I'’ll go to town and wait for it.

And I know right where you'’ll wait--

in the saloon with the fellas.

Well, you'’ll stay right here

and leave in the morning sober.

[ laughs ]

There you are, Henry.

One round-trip ticket to San Francisco and return.

And here'’s your change, Elvira.

Thank you, Bob.

Now, let'’s see.

Allowing about a week for travel

and a couple of days in the city,

you shouldn'’t be gone more than ten days.

You realize, Elvira,

this is the first time we'’ve been separated

since we was married.

26 years come November.

I'’ll bring you a present from the city.

A new dress, maybe.

I don'’t need any new dresses.

You put that money in the bank

the minute you get it.

And not bring it back here with me?

Certainly not.

I'’d feel much safer, an amount like that,

having it in a city bank.

Then we can figure out how we'’re going to invest it.

Um, maybe they can give me some ideas up there.

And Henry, don'’t you go around

talking to everybody about our pile.

Oh, Elvira,

what do you think I am,

a hick?

And, Henry,

no drinking.

Not until that money is safely banked.

Not one solitary drop.

STAGE WORKER: All aboard!

Well, good-bye, Elvira.

Good-bye, Henry.

Why, Henry,

you haven'’t kissed me in years.

I haven'’t taken a trip in years.

MAN:Giddyap!

Giddyap!

[ spurring horses ]

Well, Elvira Riggs,

what on earth are you doing?

Workin'’.

I should think you'’d be taking it easy.

Why?

Well, with all that money you got.

Or, uh-- didn'’t the deal go through?

Oh, the deal went through all right.

A certified check for 70 thousand dollars.

Henry telegraphed me.

Why, he had it in the bank within the hour.

Then what on earth are you slaving for?

Well, this claim wasn'’t included in the sale.

We hung onto it.

Well, you don'’t have to work it right away, for the love of Pete,

not with 70 thousand in the bank.

As hard as you'’ve worked, you deserve a rest.

No.

Too many folks argue like that,

but I ain'’t gonna let good fortune change my way of livin'’.

I'’m gonna keep right on pluggin'’

just as long as I'’m able.

Well, what about Henry?

He feels the same.

Why, he'’s even checking on new ways of mining

while he'’s in San Francisco.

He is?

Says so in his telegram.

"They'’ve got some real fancy diggings down this way.

"Am staying over a couple of days

to have a look at their equipment."

♪♪

Whoopee! That'’s what I call fancy capering.

How about another drink,honey?

Don'’t mind if I do.

Uh, tell me some more about your mine.

How much did you getfor it?

70 thousand dollars.

70 thousand dollars?

Cash.

[chuckles] You, uh--

You ain'’t carrying around all that with you.

Oh, no. I'’m too smart for that.

But I got plenty to keep the wheels greased

as long as they need greasin'’.

[ chuckles ]

You know, I like you.

[ laughs ]

You'’re my kind of sport.

Do, uh-- you like me?

Well...

do you?

Can'’t see no reason not to.

[ chuckles ]

You'’re cute.

Oh, that'’s-- there.

So, you'’d thought you'’d board this derelict

to lift his cargo, eh?

Well, not while his old shipmate'’s around.

Are you a friend of his?

I'’m a friend of any man who'’s about to be keelhauled

by a female pirate.

Now, lay anchor and shove off

before I capsize you.

Salvage commission.

Uh, here shipmate,

stow this back in your locker.

Thanks.

I didn'’t know she was that kind of a girl.

When you go down in the bilge, matey,

don'’t expect to find nothing but bilge rats.

But don'’t worry,

I'’ll see you don't get stuck.

Heh-- have a drink.

Oh, thank you, matey.

Smooth sailin'’.

Ah, not as good as Barbados rum,

but it'’ll hold my bow in the wind for a spell. [ clears throat ]

You a sailor?That'’s right.

I'’ve been around the world 24 times,

in all kinds of ships, in all kinds of weather.

Why, I'’ve rung enough salt water out of my socks

to float a square rigger loaded with pig iron.

Gosh.

What'’s your ratin',matey?

Oh, I'’m a prospector.

I came up to San Francisco to sell a gold strike.

Got 70 thousand dollars for it.

70 thousand dollars?

And now you'’re on a pleasure cruise, eh ?

Oh, no, nothin'’ like that.

I-- I just came in to have a drink

and watch the dancing girls.

They'’re pretty fancy steppers.

You think them gals can dance?

You should see the hula dancers

in the South Sea islands.

There'’s real dancin' for you.

Hips that swivel like a compass.

No riggin'’. Nothing but grass skirts

around the stern.

Wreaths of flowers across the bow.

Oh-- ho-- ho.

Nothin'’ else?That'’s right.

Here, take a squint for yourself.

Wow.Looks good, eh?

How would you like to see the real thing?

Oh, that would sure be somethin'’.

Well, then let'’s shove off and go pack our sea bags.

There'’s a ship sailin' for the South Sea islands

on the morning tide.

And I'’m gonna pilot you there personal.

Oh, I couldn'’t go without Elvira.

That'’s my wife.

Heave two, matey.

Taking the misses would be like drinking water

when you'’ve got a keg of rum under your arm.

Oh, she'’d never let me go alone.

Well, I calculate that scuttles the expedition.

But, uh, we can drink to the hula gals anyway.

Down the hatch!

Down the hatch.

Whoa.

He ain'’t on it.

Well, he'’s bound to be on tomorrow'’s stage.

You'’ve been saying that every day for the last month,

Elvira.

I think you ought to go to San Francisco

and look for him.

Well, I wouldn'’t know where to look.

Why, Henry'’s just an ordinary sort of fella.

Nobody would notice or remember him,

outside of me.

Oh, maybe there'’s a letter.

Open the mail up, Robert,

and see if there'’s anything for Elvira.

Well, give me time.

Do it now, right here.

Say, who'’s the postmaster in this town?

Never mind that, you do as I say.

Can'’t you see Elvira's worried sick about Henry?

Oh, all right.

ELVIRA:I guess I shouldn'’t have let Henry go to the city alone.

If anything'’s happened to him--

Now, don'’t you go thinking things like that.

He'’s all right.

But somebody ought to take the flat of a pick to him

for not letting you know.

The idea-- not a word from him

since that telegram over six weeks ago.

Well, here we are.

Oh, thank goodness.

Well, give it to her.

Oh.

"Am making survey trip with field expert.

"Hope this finds you well.

Regards, Henry."

Well, what do you know?

He'’s gone on a business trip.

Well, look where he is.

Hawaii.

♪♪ [ Hawaiian music ]

Rowdy-dow!

Oh, you sure were right,Windy.

Home was never like this.

I didn'’t steer you wrong, did I, shipmate?

But you ain'’t seen nothin'’ yet.

Here, cast your runnin'’ lamps on this.

Where do you find that?

SAILOR: Hong-Kong, China.

Our next port of call.

Well, I can'’t go there.

I gotta think about gettin'’ back to Elvira.

You'’re right, shipmate.

I was off my course.

Well, we can drink to the Sing-song girlies, anyway.

Down the hatch!

Oh yeah, down the hatch.

"Find it necessary to extend field of operations.

"How'’s the weather back there?

Henry."

♪♪ [ Chinese flute music ]

Boy, there was never anything like this

around the diggings.

Oh, but I gotta think about gettin'’ home.

Port my helm and shiver my timbers.

Down the hatch.

Yeah, down the hatch.

Oh, hello, Elvira.

Mail come yet?

Bob'’s just sorted it.

Bob? Let Elvira know if there'’s anything from Henry.

You'’re tired.

Well, I ain'’t as young as I used to be.

And you'’re doing the workof two.

Well, it won'’t be long.

How do you know?

How do you know Henry'’s ever coming back?

Why, he'’s bound to.

When he'’s finished his business.

Business.

Henry Riggs is no more on a business trip

than I am.

Henry'’s doing survey work.

♪♪

Hello, Mrs. Riggs.

Oh, howdy, Mr. Johnson.

Had to come up this way to check our holdings.

I just thought I'’d stop by to pay my respects.

How'’s Henry?

Well, you ought to know better than I do.

Don'’t you get regular reports from him on his field trip?

Field trip?

Ain'’t it your company he'’s representing

around the world?

Why, no.

The last time I saw him was the day at the office

when we handed him the check for 70 thousand dollars.

You mean he hasn'’t been back here since?

Nope.

And you'’ve-- you've heard nothing from him?

Oh, yes.

I'’ve had postal cards from him.

The last one was from Casablanca.

Awfully sorry, Mrs. Riggs.Hmm.

You'’re not half as sorry as he'’s gonna be,

if I ever get my hands on him.

You just wait, Henry Riggs.

You just wait.

Say, this uh--

stuff looks promising, Mrs. Riggs.

You mind if I take a few samples along to be assayed?

So you went on a business trip, did you?

Monkey business trip.

♪♪ [ singing ]

Afternoon, Bob.

Well, howdy, Elvira.

Come see about the mail? No.

Come to see about some groceries.

I ate up my last pot of beans this morning.

Well, a body can'’t work without eating.

There'’s just one thing--

I ain'’t only plum outof grub,

but I'’m plum out of cash too.

Well, that'’s too bad.

But if you'’ll grubstake I'’ll give you half interest

in the new claim I'’m working.

Well I ain'’t interested, Elvira.

You don'’t--

When Mr. Johnson was here last month,

he said it showed promise.

In fact, he took some samples to be assayed.

Now, I figure you'’re bound to get your money back.

You might make a few hundred, besides.

Well, I ain'’t interested, Elvira,

because it ain'’t necessary.

Now, your credit'’s good here just as long as you are.

Oh...

That'’s nice of you, Bob.

It sure is.

But well, I'’d just prefer--

[ coughs ]

Well, never mind, never mind now.

It'’s all settled.

Now, here you-- you just take that

and write down the things that you need

and--

and I'’ll get this mail all put away

in the box up here.

I'’ll see if I can't find you--

Oh, here'’s a letter for you.

From Henry?

No, the mining company.

"Dear Mrs. Riggs, "your claim is not worth

"as much as I thought it might be.

"But if the enclosed check is acceptable,

"please sign the attached contract and return.

Regards, Andrew Johnson."

Elvira, it'’s for 50 thousand.

50 thousand?

Well, it'’s acceptable.

Give me a pen.

Another strike.

Well glory, be!

Mail that back for me, will you?

Sure.

Ah, you'’re a lucky woman, Elvira.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hello, Elvira.

I was wondering where you was.

You wondered where I was?

Yeah, I'’ve been waiting here for you for almost an hour.

And I'’ve been waiting for you more than nine months.

Well-- well, you got my postcards, didn'’t you?

Yeah. I got '’em.

And I was fool enough to believe '’em... at first.

Well, everything looks just the same.

Well, you look better. Travel agreed with you.

Oh, I feel fine.

Except my feet.

I walked in from the railroad.

Why? Ashamed to meet folks?

No. Broke.

You mean, you spent that entire $70,000?

Well, I didn'’t intend to, Elvira.

At first, I was just going to go

on a little side trip,

but then, one thing seemed to...

lead to another.

And now you return like the Prodigal Son.

Well, it'’s good you got it out of your system.

Get out of that chair.

Huh?

Get up!

As of this minute,

you'’re taking over the support of the family,

and I'’m retiring

to have the fun.

What are we retiring on, Elvira?

I didn'’t say "we," I said "me."

And I'’ve got plenty.

50 thousand dollars.

Jumping Jehoshaphats!

Where'’d you get it?

Sold another claim,

one I worked all by myself.

Maybe you can do the same thing,

if you just get out and hustle.

It'’s nice to be home, Elvira.

Nice to have you home, Henry.

I'’m sorry I done what I done, Elvira.

I guess I'’ve been as much to blame as you, Henry.

If I hadn'’t clamped down on you so hard,

if I'’d just let you kick up your heels

once in a while,

maybe you wouldn'’t have acted like a colt

that broke it'’s picket-rope.

But from now on,

what one of us does,

the other one does.

50/50, all the way--

Riggs and Riggs.

Understand?

You'’re darn-tootin',Elvira.

Riggs and Riggs.

And that'’s the story of "Riggs and Riggs."

Whom God hath joined together,

let no women put asunder.