Original subtitles

It's Game On!

The attention to detail is great

and takes full advantage of the console's graphics capability.

Gameplay is fast, and there will be all kinds of surprises.

But, and as Sir Mix-a-Lot says,

it's a big but, and I cannot lie.

The multiplayer mode is boring and repetitive.

- Dex. - Wait.

- Are you sure? - And repet... Wait. No, I got it.

And repetitive.

- No, I don't. What is it? - "Undeveloped." You got it.

Uh, yeah. The gameplay is...

The... The... The... Fuck it.

- Okay. He's so cultured all of a sudden.

Well, it came free with last week's Sunday Times.

I thought it might get me into the right mindset.

What for?

- Daddy. - Don't call him that.

- Obviously, I won't.

To his face.

And don't bother with Vivaldi. He'll hate that.

He enjoys classical music.

- It says so in Who's Who. - Everyone says that in Who's Who.

- Do they? - Yes.

Oh, well, no matter.

I've got a series of topics prepared.

Such as?

- Greek mythology. - Dex.

What? He said he studied Classics at Oxford.

Yes, but only because his mother's family founded the college.

- He is pig-ignorant. - Oh! Well, what is he interested in, then?

Me.

If I'm happy, he's happy.

Come on.

Welcome.

- Wow. - Don't say "wow."

Who's that?

That's my great-grandmother.

She looks like you.

Well, she famously had eight affairs

and then became a particularly militant suffragette.

- Hmm. - Come on.

There's something else I want to show you before dinner.

So, this was me

as a teenage girl.

- Game! - Oh, fuck off.

- They're the twins. - The fuck is that?

Ignore them. You'll meet them later.

Right...

So I'm guessing this is...

This is where you lost your...

No.

That was on a ski trip. To my instructor, Gaspard.

How many boys have you brought up here?

- Not many. - Hm.

What about Hugo?

Or Hump... Humperdinck...

- Or whatever his name was. - Uh-huh.

Mm.

So I win.

Oh yeah. You definitely win.

- Game, set, match. - Oh, fuck off. That was out!

- Game off. That was out! - Right, come on.

Oh, you're such a swine.

Don't be so wet, Sam.

Fencing. I'm going all in for fencing.

Don't suck up.

Of course I won't.

And don't be a boiled sweet either.

- A boiled sweet? - Mm-hmm.

- Okay. - And don't be a nodding dog.

And don't be nervous.

They'll adore you.

- Mm. - Why wouldn't they adore you?

Come on.

Another mini-break?

These days, everyone's always off on a mini-break.

- Where is it again? - Budapest.

- Oh, lovely. Is this your first time? - Yeah.

I traveled around Europe a lot when I was younger.

What do your parents do?

- Mommy! - Uh, my father is in business.

And... well, my mother's dead now, but she used to be an antiques dealer.

So she had a shop?

Bordeaux?

- No. No, thank you. - You prefer a white?

- Uh, no. Uh... - Not a rosé?

No.

- You AA or something? - Oh, Lionel!

- Of course he's not AA. - Been largin' it for too long.

- Nice one, Murray. - I'm Sam.

Should it be NA?

Shut up. You're just... having a bit of time off, aren't you, darling?

God, she hasn't got you on one of her health kicks, has she?

- This is a 1990 Cheval Blanc.

Have you any idea what kind of a wine that is, man?

Well, it was delicious the last time I had it, but it's, um...

It's not the '81.

Oh.

- Oh, he got you there, Daddy. - At last.

Someone who Lionel can talk about wine with.

A wine connoisseur who doesn't touch the stuff. What's the use in that?

Well, I just think that people can be more interesting without drink.

Same goes for you, Daddy.

The thing I don't understand about Alcoholics Anonymous

is why it's called that, when the first thing you do is say,

"My name's Tom, and I'm an alcoholic."

They don't say their surnames.

That's why they can still say Alcoholics Anonymous.

Ah.

- Do you two play pranks? - Pranks?

Yeah. Pretend to be each other, you know, when you're with your girlfriends.

Or boyfriends.

Don't wanna take anything for granted.

You mean, sleep with each other's girlfriends?

As a joke?

- Um, well, no. Not necessarily... - No, we've never done that.

But we do communicate telepathically.

- Really? - Murray, what am I thinking?

What's the joke?

I can't quite believe that we're being interviewed by the Dexter Mayhew.

Stop!

- Uh... um, I thought I'd turned it off. - Oh, darling, you should take it.

It's Dexter's agent. He's been waiting for this call all day.

Sorry. I wasn't expecting him to call so late.

- Do you mind? - Of course.

Do what you must do.

Though I thought it was only doctors

and people who save lives who were on call.

Aaron, how are you?

Mm.

Dexie, I was, uh... all set to leave you a message.

How are you, buddy?

- Uh, I'm good. - Uh-huh.

Uh, really good. Uh...

Just at Sylvie's parents' house before we head to Budapest.

Well, I don't want to keep you, mate.

As you know, I had lunch with the Game On! producers today.

- They are keen to keep working with you. - Uh-huh.

- Yeah. - Okay. What's the offer?

Yeah. They just don't think it's gonna work

to bring you back for series two.

Uh, huh?

Yeah, I know.

Um...

I thought today was just about working out my deal.

No. No, I know. It took me by surprise as well, mate.

But why?

Fuck knows. I'm fucking furious.

I... I don't understand.

Me neither. They said something about refreshing the format,

appealing to a younger audience.

- Well, fuck 'em. - Exactly. Fuck 'em.

- That's what I said. - Did you?

Yeah. Well, I told them I wasn't best pleased.

But look. I don't think you need to be downhearted, mate.

I think people are gonna soon see what I can see,

which is actually that Dexter Mayhew is growing up.

Maybe we just need to find a new direction for you, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah. Some serious programs, like maybe a car show.

People love you, Dexie, but they love you in an ironic,

tongue-in-cheek, love-to-hate kind of way.

And what we need to do now is get people to love you sincerely.

Okay.

Chin up, though, yeah? Love to Sylvie.

Shit.

Congratulations, Dexter.

Secundo series.

Hm.

Thank you. Yes. No, I, um...

I told Aaron that I... I... I need to think about it.

But why?

I'm just not sure it's really the direction I want to go in.

Is it a big job?

- Fairly. - And he's great on it.

Very informative.

Yeah. I'm saying that, you know,

this whole... this whole genre that I've been so far involved with,

Get In! and Largin' It and Game On!, is...

That's a genre? Largin' It's part of a genre?

Well, they're all a type of show.

- A shit show. - Oh, Sam, can you stop?

- You used to tell us to turn it off. - I did not.

I don't even remember it.

"Turn it off before it damages your brain."

You said it was like being screamed at for an hour.

I never said that.

"Before you go out..."

"Get in!"

All swearing and half naked girls in cages.

Well, yes, but it wasn't all like that.

You know, I... I mainly just interviewed the bands and movie stars.

Oh, the bands and the movie stars.

You still hang out with a lot of movie stars, then?

No. No.

I... I... I used to when I was younger, but...

Faddy, isn't it? TV.

Faddy.

One minute, you're in.

Next minute,

you're not.

People lose interest.

- So what's next? - Panorama?

- Possibly.

Or perhaps I'll just present BBC's general election coverage.

Oh, that sounds good.

Now, that sounds more like it, doesn't it?

Mommy, he was joking.

- Oh, was he? - He bloody wasn't.

Murray!

Politicians dancing.

- In cages. - Can you both just shut up?

Uh, I keep getting your twin brothers muddled up.

A good way to remember is that Sam's hateful, and Murray's foul.

I don't think they like me very much.

I don't think they like anyone apart from themselves.

I don't know. I think they think I'm a bit of a... loser or something.

Does it matter what my family think of you?

Depends.

Does it matter to you what your family thinks of me?

A little.

Then it matters to me too.

Dexter, you can't put saucepans in the dishwasher.

You have to rinse them out first.

Mommy hates that.

- You fell over, do you remember? - Couldn't get up.

Oh, there you are. We were about to send out a search party.

I was just admiring your cabinet of trophies in the hall.

Well, that's the problem with having such a competitive family.

You end up with a lot of cheap, ugly metal.

Uh, what... what's going on?

We're playing a game.

Can you guess which one? Truncheon.

Two blindfolds.

Our little arena.

Um, I don't know.

"Are you there, Moriarty?" Of course!

Right.

- It's my absolute favorite.

How do you play?

Honestly. I thought you hosted game shows.

Sylvie, you must induct him.

Good luck.

- Come on, Dexter. - Come on, boy.

- Here we go. - Are you there, Moriarty?

- Here.

Shot!

That has got to hurt!

You got me.

Okay.

Are you there, Moriarty?

- Here.

My goodness, that one had power.

Okay. Okay, I think I'm getting the hang of it now.

Are you there, Moriarty?

Here we go.

Here.

- Hit! A palpable hit.

He's unbelievable.

- Oh, better luck next time. - Yeah.

Right, who's next? Dad?

Right. Hand it over to the professional.

I'll show you how it's done properly.

Are you there, Moriarty?

Here!

- Yes!

Come on. Take me on.

Are you there, Moriarty?

Here.

Come on.

Dexter. Dexter!

Dexter! Dexter, come on.

Uh... Um...

No, but... but I lost.

You haven't had a go at batting yet, you poor thing.

Come on. Have another go.

- No, no, no. - Take me on.

- That would just feel... - It's just a rolled-up copy of The Times.

Okay. You asked for it.

- Here we go. - Yes.

Get in.

Are you... Are you sure about this?

- I'm... I'm a pretty good tennis player. - Come on, then.

Well, we shall see.

Come on. Get on your knees.

- Knees, knees! - On your knees.

Knees, knees, knees, knees, knees, knees!

- Right. - Okay.

Mm. Where are you?

Uh...

Okay.

Mm.

- You ready? - Oh yes.

You sure?

I'm ready when you are.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Game On!

Darling! Darling, are you all right?

Christ!

Sylvie, I... I didn't mean to.

No, get away.

- Oh my God, she's bleeding. - Oh my God.

Good God, man. What the hell were you thinking?!

You didn't even ask if she was there, Moriarty!

Didn't I? I... I... I'm sorry. I...

Mommy, how does it look?

- Uh... it's really not that bad. - Oh my God!

- Let's go to the bathroom. - Come on.

Ow!

It really was just an accident.

It was just an accident.

- Do you forgive me?

I forgive you.

- Sorry for fucking up. - Don't be ridiculous.

You were doing fine until you hit me.

- They liked you.

- Did they? - Yes.

As much as they like anyone who's not a blood relative.

If they had it their way, they'd marry me off to Murray.

Ah.

Well, you know what they say.

You always hurt the one you love.

Let's get some sleep, shall we?

Are you laughing?

I'm not... I'm not laughing.

- Ah. - I'm not laughing.

It's just...

You know when something happens, and it's... it's just awful at the time,

but you know one day it'll make a funny anecdote?

Well, not... not soon, but eventually.

I was just imagining describing the day to my friend,

who I know would find it funny.

What friend?

She's called Emma.

- You haven't met her. - Is there an ex, then?

You're imagining regaling an ex about how you nearly broke my nose?

No, she's not an ex. She's just a friend.

An old friend... who I haven't seen for years.

Anyway, besides the, um...

the incident...

Besides that,

I had a... I had a great day.

I like your family.

Do you?

I don't.

They were ghastly today.

I really, really like you.

Sylvie, I...

I love you.

Huh?

Careful.