Original subtitles

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's all right.

Keep up.

So what happens now?

Uh, I'll go find us somewhere.

Do you wanna wait here?

No way. I'm coming.

Can I take that?

Nope.

Right. Rule number one. No flirting with me or with anyone else.

Well, that's easy. I don't flirt.

Here.

Well, there goes rule number two.

What time does the seminar start?

Oh. Depends.

How long will it take you to learn how to read?

There's that Northern charm.

Try this. Love and mortality in communist Prague.

Ah. Well, this looks...

unbearable.

Factor 30?

I still burn.

I need cream. Everyone needs cream.

Can I help you?

Do you want me to do your back?

Go on, then.

Scooped quite low, isn't it?

Good job I didn't put it on backwards.

Excuse me.

- Hi there. - Aren't you that bloke off the telly?

Uh... um, I might be.

Largin' It, isn't it? The program you're on.

Yeah, that's the one.

I knew it. Are you on the TV too?

No, I work in a restaurant.

Well, part-time. As manager.

Packing it in soon, though. Training to be a teacher.

- Uh... - Maybe we'll see you lot later, then?

- Uh, grab a beer or something. - Yeah.

Mm.

Oh my God.

What?

You appear to be very slightly famous.

Does that happen a lot?

No. No, that's never happened before.

Yeah.

- That was weird. - By weird, do you mean amazing?

- What? Oh. - Oh.

- Look at you. Delighted, I can see it. - Shut up.

Absolutely bloody delighted!

Stop! Stop!

- Last one in the sea's a minor celebrity.

- It's not gonna change you, is it? - What?

Slight fame.

- God, I hate that word. - What, "slight"?

Oh, come on. You've probably never even watched it.

Course I've watched it.

And?

- Oh, just tell me what you think. - Okay.

Well, I think the program's a bit like being screamed at for an hour

by a drunk with a strobe light.

Okay. That's fair.

What about me?

I mean, am... am I any good as a presenter?

Yes.

Yeah, you're good. You... you are.

You're warm and funny, and...

I suppose some people might even find you attractive.

Hmm.

- Look. - What?

Naked! Everyone on that beach is naked.

Should we?

What?

Go and join them. Move over to that beach.

Uh, alas, we're prevented by rule four.

No nudity.

It's not a rule. It's a guideline.

No, it's a rule.

Well, we've already broken the bed one.

So...

All the more reason to rigorously enforce the rest.

Why don't you go? I'll try to tear my eyes away.

I just thought we might be more comfortable.

More comfortable?

No, I don't think I would be more comfortable.

Besides, I don't think your girlfriend would be very pleased.

Ah, Ingrid wouldn't care.

She's very open-minded, Ingrid.

- She'd have had her top off in departures.

Of course, there's not much I haven't seen.

What's that?

I'm just saying.

Remember? Grad ball?

If I close my eyes, I can still picture it.

Mm. Oh my God.

Yep. Our one night of love.

Oy!

There you are, in your nuclear disarmament T-shirt.

Mm, drunk.

- Not that drunk. - Mm, drunk enough.

In fact, I've blanked it out. Like a car crash.

It was a fun night. Come on.

You, with your big dreams and your washed-out C&A pants.

What?

You.

-"C&A pants." You're funny sometimes.

Am I?

Yeah. Every now and then.

Hmm.

You should be on TV.

- Who wants first shower? - Oh, you go for it.

I'm gonna sit out here.

Shit.

Oh fuck.

- It's free. - Hmm?

Maybe we should just stay here all week.

Not island-hop. Just stay here.

Maybe.

You think you'd get bored?

Uh-uh.

Happy, then?

So what now?

Whatever you want.

Hmm...

Scrabble.

Uh, this was expressly negotiated.

Rule five.

Was that a rule? I thought it was more of a guideline.

Okay. Dinner, then. I'm starving.

Done.

Apparently, they have this thing called "Greek salad."

Do you think we'll get sick of each other,

staying here for eight days?

No.

We might.

And in case we do...

I had an idea.

Let's tell each other something that the other person doesn't know.

Like a secret?

Like a secret.

Every night for the rest of the holiday.

- Cool. Okay. - Mm-hmm?

You first.

- No, no. You first. - Why me first?

'Cause you've got a bottomless supply to choose from.

Okay.

Hmm.

Okay, here goes.

Mm-hmm?

I got off with a guy.

I mean, it... it wasn't a big deal. I was off my face, but...

Continue.

Uh, well, I was on this hard-core night.

"Sex Face," in a club called Strap in Vauxhall.

"Sex Face" at Strap?

Anyway, I was there with Ingrid and some of her mates,

and I was dancing, and this guy comes up to me,

chaps and a harness, and...

he just started kissing me, so I kissed him back.

And, um, did you enjoy it?

It was all right. I mean, a mouth's just a mouth.

Oh, "A mouth is just a mouth."

- Dex, you have the soul of a poet. - You know what I mean.

What did Ingrid say?

She just laughed. She doesn't mind.

- She's bisexual, anyway.

Yeah, of course. Course she is.

That's what we're supposed to do at our age, isn't it?

Experimenting?

Are we?

No one tells me anything.

Don't give me that... that robot nun routine.

You must have got up to stuff. So come on.

Your turn.

Mm. Okay.

Yeah. Let me think.

Go on.

After we met at graduation,

before we became, you know, pals...

I had a bit of a crush on you.

Well, not a bit of a crush, actually.

A massive crush, for ages.

I wrote poetry and everything.

Poetry?

Yeah, I'm not proud of myself.

Well, I'm sorry, Em, but...

that doesn't count.

Why not?

Because you said it had to be something that the other person didn't know.

Oh my God, you're so annoying.

- How did you know? - Tilly told me.

Oh God, Tilly.

So what happened to it? This crush?

Just suppose it was something you get over in time. Like shingles.

No, really. What happened?

I got to know you.

And then...

cured.

Can we get the bill?

Want to go down to the beach?

All right, I'm going for a swim.

You coming?

Are you insane?

Come on!

- I'll drown! - No, you won't.

Come on. It'll sober us up.

I haven't got my... Oh my God.

Whoo!

- Come in! - No chance!

It's lovely!

Emma, come on!

Come on!

You know you want to.

- Whoo!

Why are you such a prude?

Turn around!

It's so warm!

Come on, Em. Before the sun comes up.

So this is it, then?

- What is? - Skinny-dipping.

It is. What do you think?

Very larky!

That's a very soulful face.

- You're not doing a wee, are ya? - No.

- No.

Sorry for being a bit dickish in the restaurant.

It's all right. I'm used to it.

I mean, I felt the same.

I didn't write any poetry or anything, but I fancied you.

I fancy you.

It's just my problem is that I...

I fancy pretty much everyone.

I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship.

I... I think, um...

I think we'd want different things.

But if you...

if you wanted a bit of fun,

no strings, no obligations,

I'd be up for it.

I'll take that as a "No, thanks."

It's weird, you know.

How you like to keep me warm.

What?

It's like you want me to still fancy you.

Like it's a...

a necessary condition of the cosmos or something.

That I should always just be off to one side somewhere,

twinkling away for you.

Em, I don't think that's true.

You're... You're not, though, are you?

Twinkling?

No.

Night, Dex.

Night.