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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,920 Good morning, sunshine. 2 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,360 How many people have you got in there? 3 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,040 Well, uh, he likes a cup of tea in the morning. 4 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,240 Then a coffee, 5 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,840 and then something juicy to replenish lost fluids. 6 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,400 See you later, señorita. 7 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,280 Are you in tonight? 8 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,720 No, I'm seeing Dex. 9 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,720 Still chipping away at that marble, are you? 10 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,720 Incoming! 11 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,600 Ready for blastoff, baby. 12 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,520 "London," an epic poem by Emma Morley. 13 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,080 Oh, London 14 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,040 With your complex 15 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,000 But efficient transport system 16 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:24,880 Oh London With your six million... souls? 17 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,480 Lost souls, worn souls 18 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,800 Oh God, I'm punning. That's horrible. Stop. 19 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:31,880 Start again. 20 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,920 "A City of Dreams." 21 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,160 A sonnet by Emma Morley. 22 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,280 So long I wandered, lonely 23 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,760 Lost along your dusty, musty 24 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,360 Streets and tunnels 25 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,680 And wondered, where are you? 26 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,240 Find the band. 27 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,720 Two teams, two A to Zs, and two hours to hunt for clues. 28 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,920 Somewhere in these famous streets, an even more famous band is hiding. 29 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,440 And the first team to find them wins all the swag. 30 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,640 So that's it. Get to it. 31 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,280 While I get an espresso. 32 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,360 Cut! 33 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,200 A haiku. 34 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,000 Thoughts turn to the past 35 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,120 Song of blackbirds and regret and... 36 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,600 Late? Again? 37 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,400 Sorry. Uh, the tube. 38 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,240 The tube? The tube? 39 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,640 Hola, everyone! 40 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:35,920 Hola. 41 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,000 Hola, everyone. 42 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,320 Hola. 43 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,760 Come on. People don't just come for the food. 44 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,840 It's the atmosphere as well. 45 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,280 - Hola! - Hola. 46 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,200 Imagine coming for the food. 47 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,160 A thought for those who come for atmosphere. 48 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,520 Before we open the doors, 49 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,960 I'd like to go through today's specials, if I may. 50 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,240 So we've got a tuna enchilada and a turkey chimichanga. 51 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,120 Mm. Turkey. In July. 52 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,880 Paddy, I've checked the rota. You're on toilets. 53 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,560 - What? It's Emma's turn. - Not today. 54 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,320 Emma, this is Ian. New boy. 55 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,440 Yo, my people. 56 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,960 Jesus. Where does she find them? 57 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,960 Emma, I'd like you to show him the ropes 'cause you've been here the longest. 58 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,600 Welcome to the graveyard of ambition. 59 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,840 Loco Caliente means "crazy hot." 60 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,560 "Hot," the air conditioning doesn't work. 61 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,920 "Crazy" 'cause that's what you'd have to be to eat here. 62 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,160 Or work here, for that matter. Twenty minutes for lunch. 63 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,640 You can have anything from the menu, but I strongly urge you don't. 64 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,960 This is your locker. It doesn't lock, 65 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,240 so don't put anything in it that you're in any way attached to. 66 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,640 And familiarize yourself with the Heimlich maneuver. 67 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,680 There's a surprising amount of choking. 68 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,560 Oh. And once a shift, someone tries to ride that donkey, 69 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,080 so keep an eye out. 70 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,760 - So, Ian, what brings you down Mexico way? - Gotta pay the rent. 71 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,200 Sorry? 72 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,720 Uh, I... I need flexible hours. 73 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,160 - Oh. Why's that? - I'm a comedian. 74 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,640 - Are you? - Yeah. 75 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,200 Stand-up, mainly. 76 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,080 A bit of improv. 77 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,560 - What about you? - What about me? 78 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,960 What's your stroke? 79 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,520 Waiter stroke stand-up? Barman stroke model? 80 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,640 - Did Paddy tell you he's a model? - Let me guess. 81 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,160 Paddy is not a model. 82 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:29,240 - Uh, you're a musician? - Uh-uh. 83 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,680 - Tone-deaf. - Actress. 84 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,120 Mercifully, no longer. 85 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,760 Oh. I've got it. You're a writer, aren't you? 86 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,360 Not in any meaningful sense. 87 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,000 If you write, you're a writer. 88 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,360 Yeah. I'm not really sure it works like that. 89 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,000 So, do you like it here? 90 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,080 Like it? 91 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,280 I bloody love it. I'm not made of wood. 92 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,200 Salsa, guacamole, sour cream. 93 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:56,280 - Doesn't it need to be kept in the fridge? - Oh. That's not real cream. 94 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,640 - What is it? - Some sort of hydrogenated fat, I think. 95 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,640 Basically, what's left over when they make petrol. 96 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,520 - What's happening? - "The Cucaracha." 97 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,400 Four times an hour, 32 times a shift. 98 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,960 Pa-pa-pa, ta-ta-da, cha-cha-cha! 99 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,320 Well done, guys. Come on, amigos. Shaky, shaky. 100 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,000 Yeah. That's it, Ian. 101 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,400 Now the turn. 102 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,960 Round and round, and pa-pa-pa, cha-cha-cha. 103 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,280 Footwork. 104 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,760 Ian, come on. Emma. 105 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,800 - Turn, Ian. Turn. Please. Come on. 106 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,840 There she is. 107 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,040 Big hug. 108 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,600 Don't hug me. I'm disgusting. 109 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,240 Mm. 110 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,600 - Am I not seeing you later? - Can't stay away. 111 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:58,600 Em, come and... meet Naomi. 112 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,960 It's spelled Naomi, but pronounced "Nomi." 113 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,400 Hi, Nom... i. 114 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,760 And this is my very dear friend, Emma. 115 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:07,840 Hi. 116 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,480 Dex, why are you here? 117 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,800 We were just down the road, filming. 118 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,280 Nonbroadcast pilot, not for TX. 119 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,720 - More of a taster tape. - No idea what that means. 120 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,120 - Yeah, but you were good, though. - Ah? 121 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,400 You know you were good. The camera loves you. 122 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,000 - But do I love the camera? - I'm guessing that you do. 123 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,600 Can I get you guys something to eat? 124 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,040 Oh no, we're not eating. We're not eating. 125 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,680 This is Ian. 126 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,280 Hi, Ian. 127 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:42,680 Uh, may we have three of the Day of the Dead margaritas? 128 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,560 I can't, Dex. I'm working. 129 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,840 Oh, come on. Five minutes. 130 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,480 Take a tea break. 131 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,360 - Do you get a tea break? - She can't, Dex. She's working. 132 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,960 Okay. Uh, in that case, we'll leave it. 133 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,200 Just the bill. Thanks. 134 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,440 Oh. 135 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,320 - I don't know how to work the... - Yeah. It's fine. I'll get it. 136 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,000 - I'll be back in a minute. - Yep. 137 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,280 Em. 138 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,240 Is there any way I could, you know... 139 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,160 What? 140 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,840 Give you the money for the drinks. 141 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:22,640 What? 142 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,880 I mean, is there any way that I could tip you? 143 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,360 Tip me? 144 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,400 Yeah, why not? I really want to tip you. 145 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,560 Oh, sorry. 146 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:34,800 No, it's fine. 147 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,480 How do you know that guy from before? 148 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,080 The one who looks like he's wearing mascara. 149 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,280 Oh. Uh, from university. 150 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,360 - Is that his girlfriend? - Yeah, seems so. 151 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,280 But there's a quick turnover, so... 152 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:54,560 And I have... I have a question. 153 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,400 - Yep. Go on. - What you doing tonight? 154 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,920 You don't hang about, do you, Ian? 155 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,600 You've probably got a boyfriend anyway. 156 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,000 It's just, I'm doing a gig tonight at Ha Bloody Ha. 157 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,120 At what? 158 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,760 Ha Bloody Ha. It's a comedy night at the Frog and Parrot in Cockfosters. 159 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,400 Thought you might be interested in my unique comedy stylings. 160 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,640 - Mm. - The food's good too. 161 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,760 Just the usual mini burgers, 162 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,240 curly fries sort of thing, so... 163 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,640 Yeah, no. Uh, it sounds enchanting, Ian. 164 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,320 Curly fries and all, but, um... 165 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,600 No, I... I can't tonight. Sorry. 166 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,160 - Really? - Really. 167 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,720 It's a nice offer, but I'm meeting that mascara guy. 168 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,200 So I'll have to give it a miss, I'm afraid. 169 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,400 Ah. Well, another time, then. I've got upcoming gigs at The Bent Banana. 170 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,480 And The Cheshire Cat in Colliers Wood. 171 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:44,760 Maybe. 172 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,040 Hello, lovely. 173 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,520 - What the fuck? - Don't ever, ever do that again. 174 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:27,680 Do what? 175 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,880 Come to where I work like you're on safari. 176 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,680 Or bring your girlfriend for a tour. "Look at the stupid menu 177 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,200 and the horrible toilets and the ridiculous drinks." 178 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,880 You can have that back. 179 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,520 No, no, no. That's yours. 180 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,240 - Dex, listen to me. You don't tip friends. - It's not a tip. It's a gift. 181 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,280 Oh, cash is not a gift. 182 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,520 Sorry. 183 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,240 Now, do your shirt up and pass me the bottle. 184 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:10,280 So? 185 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,160 How are ya? 186 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,640 Oh, dreamy. Yeah, uh, let's see. 187 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,200 Um, I got salsa on my shoe today, and it burned right through. 188 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,800 Why are you still there? 189 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,240 Well, Dex, I don't know how to tell you this, but, um, 190 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,480 some people work in restaurants. 191 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,200 And some people work in shops. Not everyone works in the media. 192 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,520 Sorry. That was really... 193 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,040 Yeah, well, it doesn't matter anyway. 194 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:45,520 I'm going home. 195 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,400 Back up north, Leeds, home. 196 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,600 To do what? 197 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,080 Honestly, I don't even know. 198 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:58,600 Okay. 199 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,000 Yeah. I mean, why not? 200 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,360 At least you can say that you tried. 201 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,520 You know, you really pulled out all the stops 202 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,920 to make it in the big city. 203 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,800 You wrote one play, Em. 204 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,240 One. 205 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,600 And I know. I know people didn't come, but 206 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,080 so what? 207 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,320 Did you write something else? Did you keep going? 208 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,920 No. You... you buried yourself in quesadillas, 209 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,400 and now you're fucking off home. 210 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,000 You know, I used to think it was a lack of confidence with you, Em, but 211 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:31,760 maybe it's not. 212 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,600 Maybe it's arrogance. 213 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,800 What? 214 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,920 "I wrote a play, and it didn't transfer to the West End, so fuck this..." 215 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,120 Fuck off, Dex. 216 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,080 We don't all get to meet someone on our gap year 217 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,520 who gives us a job in TV. 218 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,160 - It wasn't a job. It was work experience. - Oh, work experience. 219 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,200 And that might be how I started, but the rest has been on my own. 220 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,800 The point is, you've got to stay on the ride. 221 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,160 Ride? The ride? Dex, you don't have a clue. 222 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,760 Thank you, but I don't wanna work in the media. 223 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,400 I mean, if people treated, I don't know, nursing or social work or teaching 224 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,960 with the same reverence they do people who work in bloody TV... 225 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,200 - So teach. - Oh my God. 226 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,080 - Teach. You'd be a fantastic teacher. - Stop. 227 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,120 - Dex, just stop! - The best teacher. 228 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,400 I'm sorry. 229 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,080 No, I'm sorry. 230 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,280 What are you sorry for? 231 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,120 For ranting on. 232 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,320 For being so, so boring. 233 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,040 You're not boring. 234 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,080 No, I am. 235 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,680 I am. I bore myself. 236 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,720 Well, you don't bore me. 237 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,680 You could never bore me. 238 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,480 You're one in a million, Em. 239 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,920 - I'm not even one in three, so... - Em. 240 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,920 Come lie down with me. 241 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,680 I'm sorry I smell like Crisp and Dry. 242 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,520 You don't. 243 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,320 - Much. 244 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,880 I feel ridiculous. 245 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,240 Why? 246 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,680 I don't know what I thought would happen if I moved here. 247 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,800 You know what I can't understand? 248 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,920 You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are. 249 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,440 You know, smart and funny and talented and all that. 250 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,240 I mean, endlessly. 251 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,720 I've been telling you for years. 252 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,000 So why don't you believe it? 253 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,520 Why do you think people say that stuff? 254 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,560 Do you think it's all a conspiracy? 255 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,720 People secretly ganging up to be nice about you? 256 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:19,800 No. 257 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,680 I better go. 258 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,040 No. 259 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,280 You're not going. 260 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,040 You're staying, and we are getting another bottle. 261 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,480 One pound 39? 262 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,080 How's your mom? 263 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,320 Not great. 264 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,240 Another operation in September. 265 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,480 Aw, Dex. I'm sorry. 266 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,320 And Nomi? 267 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,560 What does she see in you, do you think? 268 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,520 Nomi. 269 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,440 She says I'm complicated. 270 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,080 Oh. 271 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,080 - She did not. - She did. 272 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,200 No. Those words did not leave her mouth. 273 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,600 They did. 274 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,400 Complicated? 275 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,840 You're as complicated as a two-piece jigsaw puzzle. 276 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,200 - In thick ply. 277 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,200 Mm. 278 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,200 - Dex? - Hmm? 279 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,520 Are people really having that good a time? 280 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,840 Look at them, throwing their little Frisbee. 281 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,000 What do you mean? 282 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,120 Just, all that frolicking. It feels forced. 283 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,160 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this evening's performance of youth. 284 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:07,360 Okay. 285 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,560 - Now I am actually gonna go. - You could stay at mine if you wanted. 286 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:16,720 No. 287 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,640 Sleep on the couch. Borrow a toothbrush. 288 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,880 No. No, I... No, I should... I should go. 289 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,200 Okay. I'll walk you to the tube. 290 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,320 No, stay. Finish the wine. 291 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,160 Yeah. I might just roll down the hill in a carefree way, 292 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,840 hoping to be watched and envied. 293 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:40,440 Bye. 294 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:42,840 Bye. 295 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:05,520 Bye. 296 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,000 Bye. 21081

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