All language subtitles for Ern998 en

Get up!

Get up.

Come on.

Get in there.

Move!

Get up.

Don't!

It has been
the burden of my people

to struggle under the ironfist of the ruthless leaders

since Nebuchadnezzar createdthe Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

There all those of us
who, though our efforts

may be futile,
have tried to bring

peace to our war-torn land.

But we tremble.

For it is written that this evilwind will lure the great eagle

into the clutches
of its ambition,

and the whole world
will come to the edge

of being nothing but awhisper's vapor in the universe.

The secret, gentlemen, isin your reach and accuracy.

You must have the rightbalance and the right power.

Soon, we will invade Karifistan.

And the American infidels willfoolishly rush to their aid.

That's right, Kibee.

And then I, Almar HabibTufuti, President for Life,

will be the leader
of all true believers

when the American eagle
falls from its perch.

There
will be one man who

will ride the storm
from the West to humble

the tyrants of the Earth.

I tell you now the prophecyof a great American warrior.

Good morning, Mr. Worrell.

You're looking at a
trap cleverly devised

by the evil genius
Baron von Titleist.

A mine field.

Mines diabolically disguisedas your average garden

variety golf ball, orgolf astemplis spheracoli.

Your mission, should
you choose to accept it,

will be to rid the
world of this menace

and make this geriatric pastimesafe again for all of humanity.

My voice will self-destructin five seconds.

Four, three, two, one.

Let the games begin.

Yeah, another day
on this course.

There's one.

Oh-oh.

Got another one.
Uh-oh.

Steer right.

There's one.

OK, got another one.

Yeah, can't hit me.

You couldn't hit a bull inthe butt with a bass fiddle.

Nice try, lady.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you knock
them, I rock them.

Uh-oh.

Do your worst, Baron Titleist.

Your pock-marked angelsof death frighten me not.

Uh-oh, reinforcements.

We're dumb.

When you're dumb, you're dumb.

Get him, Bill.

Don't tempt
these guys, Ernest.

You know what happens.

Special Forces CommanderErnest P. Worrell

receives his much
deserved hero's welcome.

I think I got himin the pancreas with that one.

Yeah, good shot.

Good shot.

All right.

Whoo, boy.

Hey, great American hero.

Are you gonna make it?

Merely a flesh wound, Ben.

Merely a wound upon my flesh.

Yeah.

Gosh Ben, thanks forsaving me under-fire today.

Baron Titleist nearly
got the best of me.

A soldier never leaves hisbuddy in the heat of battle.

How's that bean head of yours?

It'd be a whole lot betterif you'd let me drive.

Now, we've been
through that before.

Oh, please, Ben,
with sugar on top?

No, no, no!

Gosh!

You never let me do anything, ever since we were kids.

I let you do stuff.

- What stuff?
- Stuff.

Well, OK, stuff, but
you never left me drive.

Ernest, I can't let you drive.

This is an Army
vehicle, and it is to be

only driven by Army people.

I am an Army people, whilstyou are not Army people.

Gosh, I'll never get todrive those big camo mammoths

and jeeps and
and tanks

and armored personnel carriers.

Never, ever, ever in thewhole history of the universe

will I ever get to drive.

You could enlist.

Enlist?

Join the army?

Army people drive.

Army people.

Army people.

Army, Army, Army people.

Huh.

I'm telling you, Ernest.

There's nothing like life inthe defense of your country.

Know what I mean?

Ben, do they let

'cause I hate to break
in new underwear?

I think something
can be arranged.

I don't know.

I'm too old to enlist.

Not for the
Reserves, your not.

Why, we got guys your agesigning up all the time.

The Reserves?

Yeah, boy.

You'd love it, Earnest, drivingthem big rigs on the weekend.

It's like summer
camp for real men.

Well, I was a summer
camp counselor once.

The way you drive that golfcart, why you'd be a natural

in Mechanized Infantry.

I don't know.

Look, it's not like you'dever be in combat or anything.

I mean, you'd be stationedright here at the base.

I'm not gonna let
anything happen you.

Never have, now have I?

No.

Are you gonna eat
those pork rinds?

No, no.
You take them.

Sarge, are you ready to go?

I was born ready, Bambi.

Bambi, Ernest.

Ernest, Bambi.

Hi.

It's nice to very meet you.

Hi.

Hi.

Let's go, Ben.

Women love Army people.

Know what I mean?

Our town.

Let's see--

Gosh, I wish I
had a girlfriend.

-
- Hi, this is Cindy Swanson

reporting for Channel 3--

Cindy Swanson?

CINDY SWANSON [ON
--who's just

won the Hoffer Award for themost unusual locust collection.

You must be very excited.- Oh, yes.

This means I get to speak--

convention in Michigan.

What an awesome responsibility.

Oh, yeah, it is.

All the elite--

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Beetleman.

We're cutting away toINNI for a special report.

This is Cindy Swanson report--

It was mummified by a pharaoh.

And now,
for a special report

from Frank Williams at theINNI foreign desk in London.

It seems that Almar HabibTufuti, President for Life

of Arisia, is saber rattlingagain as these satellite photos

reveal a large
intercontinental missile

being moved across asouthern province of Arisia

toward Karifistan.

You see how far
you can reach when

you use the right club, Kibee?

Yes, I see, Excellency.

The eagle will shudder whenit sees how far you can reach.

You know, I've
never shot an eagle.

A few birdies, manypars, but never an eagle.

Perhaps, if you
were to keep you

head more still, Excellency?

But who am I to say?

This little beauty
is from Pakistan.

It spits when it's in flight.

Oh, that's very interesting, Mr. Beetleman, but I'm

afraid we're gonna have to coverthis story at another time.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you didn't
get to finish, Cin.

Oh, that's OK.

That story was finished
before it got started.

Thanks.

You know, I have workedlike a dog for this station

for over a year.

I've done everything
they've asked me to do,

but I'm never gonna
get to INNI reporting

dorky stories like this one.

I need a really big storyto put me over the top.

Well, you hang in there, Cin.

You'll get your chance.

Maybe.

Yeah, right.

The Army.

Yeah, maybe that's it.

I'd be an expert on
driving those big rigs.

Gentlemen, this is your GNCNapa Sonoma Mendocino 3000.

It is the ultimate
urban assault vehicle.

It has 67 cylinders,
3000 horsepower,

seating capacity-- one.

It has endoroflex suspension, monoflatulating corroboration,

and all models made after 1997has the extra large cup holder.

The body is solid unibodyand is made by the US

Army Corps of Engineers.

Doors are optional.

This vehicle is your friend, it is your companion,

it is your long lost love.

You will treat this
vehicle with respect,

or I will cut your
guts out with a rock.

Do you understand?

Now, gentlemen, are
there any questions?

I didn't think so.

Joining the Army is
the best decision you'll

ever make in your entire life.

Just change this
cap for a GI cap.

Get rid of these
blues and greys--

For browns and greens.
And as they say--

You're in the Army now.

But what about boot camp?

What about tough GIs, gruelingwork, the breaking down

of one's self-esteem withstrong language, insults,

and the clever use of profanity?

What about that?

You're not in the real Army.

You're in the Reserves.

We drive trucks
on the weekend.

And talk on the radio.

And party all the time.

So it's time to rock and roll.

A-R-M--

Why?

Why?

Because we're Army people.

P-O-P-L-E.

Poople?- What's wrong with poople?

Comrade Blatz report
for midi-sector.

I want to know how apipsqueak despot like Tufuti

get a pluton missile.

No excuse, Boyard, but
we have no information

of missile origins.

For that missile,
Comrade Blatz,

we could blackmail entire world.

Every nation on Earth wouldhave no choice but to bend

to my personal demands.

I must have that missile!

So the wondrous handsthat mold the events of men

will set the greatAmerican warrior on course

to his destiny.

While in other parts of theworld, the weak and oppressed

struggle to survive.

Knowing when to
buy and when to sell.

It's perfect.

I am Ben-Ali and I know
of strange and dangerous

cults that own this city.

You can charm them off withthe charm of the Geshua.

Get away from me, parasite.

Get away, and don't come back!

The charm of the Geshua
is only one dollar.

I need to feed my sister.

We sick.

Feed at the baker's kitchen.

Now, leave us alonebefore I have you jailed!

No!

What I was saying is that--

Hey!

Hey, come back here!

Come back you thief!

Take it easy, man.

Sorry.
Wow!

This is great.

Jock them, chock them,
lock them, and cruise

them on down the highway.

What did I tell you?

There ain't nothing
like being Army people.

Gosh, Ben, you
really mean it when

you were talking abouttaking care of your buddies.

You're about the best
friend I've ever had.

Every time, bud.

Every time.

Hey!

Hey, watch it.

Watch it.

Watch what?

What kind of idiot
was driving that truck?

Want me to drive?

No, no, I'm fine.

I'm OK.

Look out.
Hey, watch that car.

Watch out.
Ooh, wow.

Ambassador, this missionis not going to be easy.

Not only that, Colonel
Gullet, the Americans

aren't overjoyed at
being under UN command.

You will have to win thisAmerican general over, maybe

find out what motivates him.

What motivates him
is what motivates

every American general.

Publicity.

Barnes!

Sir?

Shouldn't we be doing thisout in the field someplace?

What's with all this
stupid blue paper?

We use it to strip in
backgrounds like Omaha

Beach, Saigon, Baghdad.

Through the magic of
computer composing,

we can put you
right in the action.

The devil, you say.

Mm-hm.

That's enough for now.

Get me the proofs tomorrow.- Yes, sir.

We have a deadline
on the press kits.

Right away, sir.

General, AmbassadorKitchen and a Colonel Gullet

from the UN Peacekeeping Forceswill be here any minute now

for a 10 o'clock appointment.

Barnes, I don't want
to talk to some pompous,

stuffy, egomaniacal ambassador.

The press loves him, sir.- They do?

Well, show him in!

Yes, sir.

Howdy, Ambassador.

Your Excellency.

They're here, sir.

Act noncommittal.

Good.

I don't know, old bean.

Excellent.

Very good.

Good afternoon, General
I am Ambassador Kitchen

and this is Colonel Gullet.

Welcome, gentlemen.

Please, have a seat.

Now, what can I do for you?

As you know, Tufuti has beenkicking up his heels again.

And this time, he plans toinvade the sovereign state

of Karifistan.

And on top of that,
there is evidence

that he has a pluton missile.

Ah, Washington doesn't wanthim messing up the oil prices,

huh?

Rough room.

The UN Security Councilhas chosen your Reserve Unit

as a support team for the
UN Peacekeeping Forces

under the command of
Colonel Gullet, here.

What?

Support team?

You wait a John
Wayne minute, mister!

My men are a fighting,
killing machine!

We don't take
orders from anyone.

Especially some guy
wearing a beret.

You're not French, are you?

Barnes, is this man French?

You know I hate the French!

Sir--

Please
let me explain.

Colonel Gullet will behandling the day-to-day duties,

but in matters of importance,
you will be consulted.

Who will be making
the press briefings?

Why, the General, of course.

Well, then, you canconsider the 97th Reserve Unit

at your disposal,
Colonel Gullet.

Go on.

Go on.

All right, Pierre, our
troops are your troops.

I'll brief your
men at 1600 hours.

Yeah, it's a good thing.

The killing machine'sonly here on the weekend.

What?

Did I say something wrong?

No.

No.

Have a nice day.

Cindy Swanson, WZEB.

Remember me, Cindy?

Unfortunately.

I've got something you want.

Barnes, this is an actual newsphone line, not a 900 number.

The 97th is being
sent in to support

UN troops in Karifistan.

No way.

The 97th Unit is a Reserve Unit.

They're outta here
in a week, and General

Lincoln's leading the charge.

Wait a minute, hasWashington lost its mind?

Don't answer that.

Who else knows
about this, Barnes?

Only you, for now, baby.

Now, when can you and I, uh--

Thanks for the tip.

You're not gonna believe this.

I gotta call the boss.

Ow!

God!

Some drive, huh, Ernest?

Yeah.

Army life is great.

Hey, you want an Ooey
Gooey Toad Gummy?

Oh, no.

They're too sticky for me.

It takes me a week toget them out of my teeth.

You just gotta
know how to eat them.

It's an art form few
real men possess.

We've gotta get to the
parade ground like now.

Some big muckety-muck
from the UN is here.

We're on our way.

Move it.
Move it.

Slow down.

- Come on, you guys.
- Step it up.

Step it up.

Oh.

Ooh.

Thanks, Ben.
- Come on.

Let's go, Ernest.

Do it as rehearsed.

Are you
sure you don't want

an Ooey Gooey Toad Gummy, Ben?

At ease.

Get me a close-up.

Men, God has truly smileddown upon you this day.

Out of the entire United
States Armed Forces,

you and you alone
have been chosen

as an elite fighting unit.

Never in the history
of warfare has

such an awesome
responsibility been

placed on the shoulders ofsuch brave and noble souls

as yourselves.

Colonel Gullet.

Make it snappy, Pierre.

These guys go home at 5 o'clock.

I am Colonel Gullet,
UN Special Forces.

You will be under
my direct command.

This unit will be
my support unit.

You'll cook all themeals, clean the toilets,

police the grounds, wash theequipment, unload the trucks.

You'll perform
each and every task

you are told, when you aretold, while on this peacekeeping

mission to Karifistan.

Karifistan?

I can't go to Karifistan.

I don't know anybody
in Karifistan.

I don't speak Karifistanese.

And besides, my lips will peel.

Soldier, do you
have a problem here?

Yeah, I've gotta pickup
golf ball next week.

What's that in
your hand, private?

Ooey Gooey Gummy Toads.

You want one?

Get rid of them!

- Barnes.
- Sir.

Who is this man?

He's a new recruit, sir.

Have him flogged.

We can only do that
in Singapore, sir.

And the box!

Ohh.

General,
what kind of Army

are you running here?

You wouldn't find thisbean head under my command!

Who does he think he is?

Easy, sir.

Easy.

When they get back
from Karifistan,

you won't recognize this
bunch of blockheads!

Look at you!

Shoulders back!

Stomach in!

Ew, ew, ew, ew.

Sir.

Hang on, Colonel.

I'll get it off.

Stay calm, sir.

I'll have you out
in nothing flat.

Here, I'll need
this for leverage.

Here it goes.

Sarge!

Corporal Davis!

Hey, guys, hold him down.

Don't worry, Colonel.

You'll be able tobreathe in just a minute.

Barnes, shouldn't
we do something?

I think we'd betterstay out of this one, sir.

- That's it.

Pull it.

Come on!

One, two.

Gosh.

Pull!

What are you doing?

Whoa!

Ooh.

How do you like that, Pierre?

Eww.

I told you I'd get it off.

Know what I mean?
- Oh, Ernest.

Don't worry, Ben,
I'll explain everything.

The General seems
like a swell guy.

I'm sure he'll understand.

And, besides, no one isimpervious to the Worrell

charm.
- Please, Ernest.

When we go in
there, just shut up

and let me do the talking, OK?

But, Ben.

Ben, nothing.

I can handle the General.

Just remember what I said.

In the Army, you alwayslook out after your buddy.

I'm gonna get you, Worrell.

If it's the last thingI'd do, I'm gonna get you.

You know, Ben, I don't
think the Colonel is

as familiar as we are with that"taking care of your buddy"

stuff.

Sergeant Ben Kovsky!

How tough should I be?

Like an iron fist,
in a soft glove.

Ah.

Remember what
happened to Patten.

Oh, yeah.

OK, let's go.

Private Ernest P. Worrelland Sergeant Ben Kovsky

reporting as ordered, sir.

Well, Private Worrell, whatdo you have to say for yourself?

Well, sir.

Worrell, you have oneweekend of military service

and you have nearlyjeopardized the entire UN

Security Council mission!

If I could explain, sir.

And you, Sergeant BenKovsky, you should know better.

The image of the 97th
is at stake here,

and now the whole worldwill be focused on me-- us!

I have no choice but torelieve you of your duties!

Ben?
What's wrong?

I knew it.
Too tough!

- Barnes, I was never here.
- It never happened.

I was at the Officer's
Club the whole time!

But General, sir.

Call the medic!

Call an ambulance!

I learned CPR on Oprah.

Hey, Ben.

How's my favorite Army people?

I brought you some
stuff from the PX,

but they're a little funnyabout what you could eat,

so I brought you the pork rindsbut without the hot sauce.

This is all my fault.
What was I thinking?

All I wanted to do was
drive the Army big rigs.

Ben, you're the best fiendI've got in the whole world.

Without you, I
wouldn't have anybody.

And if I ever lost you, I'd--

Visiting
hours are over.

All visitors, please
leave the hospital.

Well, I gotta go
now, Ben, but I'll say

a little prayer for you, OK?

You-- you hang in there, buddy.

No.

This thing came out.

I'll put it back in for you.

It won't stay.

OK.

It's staying there now.

I gotta get it going.

OK, you get some rest.

Allah, be praised.

Gentlemen, behold my specialclub, the pluton missile.

With it, I will bring theinfidels to their knees

and be leader in the Arab world.

Kibee.

Commander, I want you topersonally have our tanks

delivered this to King Chirac.

Once again,
history spewed forth

a wave of aggression
that swept the land,

and everything in its pathwas crushed beneath the treads

of its ambition.

There was little to stop
evil's triumphant march.

Ben-Ali, you must come!

The tanks are coming.

Everyone in the
village is leaving.

Come.

Come.

Yes, I come.

So the
beast lured the eagle

by devouring the defenseless, and an orphan child

wept, praying, hoping, looking for the liberator

of his land and his future.

Even I could have told youhe wouldn't go for that one.

It's the biggest
story in the world.

The Americans sent toKarifistan and our own 97th

Reserve Unit leading the way.

This story could break me outof this dinky little station.

Now, come on, Cindy.

You knew the boss
wouldn't spring

for a ticket to the MiddleEast when the 97th ships out.

Ships out.

That's it.

Don't.

Thanks, Danny

With INNI, you are

there in Operation Sand Trap.

President Tufuti of Arisia hasinvaded the neighboring country

of Karifistan today.

Our staunchest ally in theMiddle East, King Chirac,

has asked forintervention by UN Forces.

President Powell has orderedimmediate deployment of troops.

Soldier, do up that lace.

Try to look sharp.

Yes, sir.

You know, Corporal, for your own safety,

you should never let anyoneelse pack your chute.

Welcome aboard, Worrell.

Oh, thanks.

What's the movie on this flight?

I hope it's not another
chick flick art film.

They always look so brown to me.

I've got two words
for you, Worrell--

friendly fire.

You know, I think
he's warming up to me.

He actually used
the word "friendly."

Look at it this way, Ernest.

After Operation Sand
Trap, me and you,

we'll be desert heroes.

Desert heroes.

Legends
of the Sudan.

What is the measure of a man?

A yardstick?

Nay.

His heart.

His dedication to
God and country.

The sort of car he drives.

Give me a man who willwork through lunch battling

insurmountable odds tospit his last bloody breath

into the face of the enemy.

A man who will never once
complain about sunburn

or painful underwear itch.

Live each day as if it wereyour last because someday,

he will be right.

No prisoners.

No prisoners.

No prisoners.

Communique from Interceptor.

It's About time there
was some progress.

Yes, sir.

He is airborne.

Good.

Good.

Soon FIT will have
pluton missile

and Operation Payback can begin.

Left.

Left.

Left, right, left.

Left.

Left.

Left, right, left.

Left.

Left.

Left, right, left.

You know, I think Ibrought too much carry on.

I should have checked
a lot of this--

If they're going
down the hole, follow.

I shoulda checked a lot ofthis stuff at the baggage.

Hey, does anybody want a juice?

I think I've got
some olive loaf.

Beautiful, General. Beautiful.

Now, if you could just turnyour body toward me, sir.

I want to try and catch
that flight of F-18s

in the background.

N-- no, they're ours.

Their ours, sir.
- God bless them.

Now, sir, if you could justturn your head a little bit

to the right.

I'm trying to lose that
cold sore on your lip.

Shaving cut.
I'm sure, sir.

I'm sure. Good.

Good.

Stand by.

Action!

Charge!

And cut.

All right.

- OK, Lloyd, let's do lunch.
- Come on.

I know this nice, new place.

Do you like fish?

This place called
the Hairy Prawn.

You'll love it.

Left, right, left.

Hold it!

Hold it.

What's
going on up there?

further up the beach.

It's a baby blue jellyfish, or gelacticus swim fasticus.

It is native to the
warm waters of Zanzibar

and feeds primarily uponplankton and other forms of--

What are you doing?

Oh, hi, Colonel.

This is a gelacticus
swim fasticus,

or baby blue jellyfish.

It is common to--

Shut up!

But it's still alive.

You're stopping the
entire combined force

of the world for a jellyfish?

A baby blue jellyfish, or gelacticus swim fast--

Give me 20, soldier.

Gosh, 20.

That means I can't go--

On the ground, idiot!

One, two, three--

All right, enough
wild life education.

Let's move it out!

Left.

Left.

Left, right, left.

14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19--

1,221, 1,222, 1,223,
1,224, 1,225, 1,226.

One-- one thou-- That
out to be enough.

I hope I can catch
up to these guys.

You are American?

Yep, born and bred in
the land of the free.

You ever been to
Karifistan before?

No, never been further
east than Savannah.

Well, there are somestrange and dangerous cults

and curses in the Middle East.

Yeah, I know.

I saw them on cable.

So you know you need one ofthese or all manner of trouble

will befall you.

The charm of Geshua.

Let me see that.

50 bucks, US.

50 bucks?

Do I look like I have stupidwritten all over my face?

60 bucks.

60 bucks?

That's outrageous.

It has good luck
too, at no extra costs.

You mean, it comes withall the bells and whistles

and everything?

All of them.

OK, $65 and that's
my last offer.

OK, but you robbing me.

OK.

All I got's a
hundred dollar bill.

Wait here.

I'll bring you change.

Gosh, I hate taking advantageof a little kid like that.

I sure hope he makes itback soon with my change.

This is the Arabian
Desert, gentleman.

It is hot, cruel,
and unforgiving.

This is the chemical
weapon the enemy uses.

It is highly toxic and can meltthe skin off a tyrannosaurus.

In the event of
such a gas attack,

you'll need a workingknowledge of your gas mask.

Place the mask
fully over your face

and adjust the straps toensure there are no gaps.

Continue to breathe normally.

It is an essential partof your military equipment.

It will be kept clean and freeof dirt and foreign objects.

Abuse of military property
is not to be tolerated.

Worrell, get back in line!

Worrell, get back in line!

Worrell, do you hear me?

What do you think you're doing?

Worrell!

Worrell, give me that!

Worrell, have you
lost your mind?

Worrell, get back in line!

Can you hear me, Worrell?

This is disobeying orders!

Worrell, no smoking on duty!

Worrell, I'll see youcourt marshalled for this!

I'm with the press.

OK, you guys.

I'll catch you later.

Ooh, hurry up, man.

I'm bursting.

Right on through.

Thanks.

You wouldn't happen to--

And when the smoke clears, you'll be singing soprano.

And finally, the newly
developed rock mines.

The one on my right
is an ordinary rock.

The one on the left
will rock your world.

Handle this one carefully, men.

Hm?

They're very sensitive.

They're perfectly camouflaged.

A good bump will definitelyturn you into a fine red mist.

Hm?

Give me the mine, private.

Give it to him.

Give it to him, Ernest.

Eenie, meanie, miney--

One potato, two potato--

Paper, rock, scissors--

The mine!

Ernest, give it to him.

- General!
- I'm busy.

Can I keep the rock?

Sir.

Carter, Rosen, at ease, men.

Cut.

Keep that take.

I want that one for myself.

Private, get over here!

Hey, Ernest, where
are you headed?

I'm gonna go whip
up my special pancake

breakfast for the troops.

I'll warn them.

No!
Stop!

Leave me alone!

That's mine!

Hey, what's going on there?

You leave that boy alone.

You saved my life.

I owe you everything.

I will return all of your money.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

It's OK, little fella.

It's OK.

Oh, no.

They would have killed me.

I owe you, sahib.

Here, here is your
money with some extra.

Well-- well, what's your name?

Ben-Ali will be
in your service

for as long as I breathe.

I had a good buddy
back home named Ben.

I am good buddy now.

Good buddy forever.

My name is Ernest.

Ben.

Ben, close buddy to Ernest, eh?

Um, Ben, I've got to go
now and cook breakfast.

Do you like pancakes?

Yes.

I kinda thought you would.

With INNI, you are

there in Operation Sand Trap.

UN Peacekeeping Forces haveestablished a firm beachhead

in Karifistan, but now Tufuti isin possession of a pluton bomb.

What started out to be asimple peacekeeping mission

has put American
troops in harm's way.

This deadly game may
escalate beyond control.

Excellency, news from
the northern commander.

Yes, Kibee?

Northern Karifistan
has fallen.

The UN has established
a beachhead.

The eagle has perched
in your cross-hairs.

Excellent.

Tell the commander to sendme four of his best men.

It's time to move
on to the next tee.

As you command, Excellency.

Bonsoir, monsieur, and welcome

to "Cooking with Ernesto."

Today we're going
to attempt my world

famous recipe for GIpancakes, or as I call them,

crepes khaki.

First-a, we and a few eggs.

Eww.

Perfect.

Now, we add the mix.

Isn't that too much?

It is a creative thing, Pepe.

You will understand
when you are older.

Now, we add enough water to mix.

Eww.

It is perhaps a bit thin.

We will add a bit
more mix to thicken.

I see.

Ah, perfecto.

Now, it is time
to test the grill.

Ah!

Ah, Ben!

Ben, hand
me the spatula.

A bababa?

The spatula.

Ah, a bababa.

A spatula.

Oh.

One of these?

Uh-huh.

Funny.

We call them spatulas.

Oh, give me that.

Oh, morning.

Pancakes?

Wh-- whoa.

Sorry.

Good morning.

Morning.

Sorry, that one's dirty.

Here, let me get
you another one.

No!

No!

I got blueberry.

No way, man!

Would you like the blueberry?

Seconds?

Have you tried these?

Mm.

Good.

Needs a little syrup.

Ben, hand me the syrup.

Thanks.

Mm.
Mm.

That's better.

Ooh!

Ben, what do you
want for breakfast?

I think I'll take my
chances on the street.

Can you get me a cheeseburger?

Hi.

Excuse me.

Guy, oh.

Hi.

They hate it when
you punch holes

in these armored
personnel carriers.

Has this happened before?

Only on pancake day.

Usually, the eggs just
kinda eat the paint off.

Could you, um--

Never mind, it's OK.

I can't believe it.

It's my dream come true.

It's-- it's Cindy Swanson.

She's here at Karifistan.

Is that your girlfriend?

Well, no.

Not really my girlfriend.

We just kind of--

I mean, I just know
her from seeing

her on the Channel 3 News.

Oh, this is my lucky day.

See, the Geshua charm works.

Can I help you with your bags?

Oh, are you a mirage?

No, ma'am.

Southern Baptist.

Thank you, I'm Cindy Sw--

I know, you're Cindy Swansonfrom Channel 3 in the states.

I'm your biggest fan.

And you are?

Oh, Private Ernest P.Worrell, at your service.

- At ease, Worrell.
- Oh, hi, Colonel.

This is Cindy Swanson.

You know, from Channel
3 in the states?

A close personal friend of mine.

Colonel Bradley Gullet.

Hello.

I'll take it
from here, Worrell.

Oh, really, sir,
it's no trouble at all.

I said I'll take it from here.

Yeah, Cindy, the Colonelcan handle your bags.

He's real strong.

I'll see you around, Cindy.

Thanks, Ernest.

You're a reporter, huh?- Mm-hm.

Well, stick with
me, Miss Swanson.

When it comes to
getting a scoop,

it's strictly who you know.

Private Dawson, get those bags.

I guess the Geshuacharm didn't work so well.

Neither did the Worrell charm.

There are many ways
to feed a camel, Master.

Know what I mean?

Do you mean Cindy
is a camel master?

All right.

Now, remember General,
be sure to look

straight into the cameras.

America, and the rest of theworld, is staring back at you.

Can I look at my notes?- Don't look at your notes.

Don't look at my notes?

Don't look
at your notes.

And don't take any questionsfrom that round haircut at CBS.

- Oh, I hate that dork.
- Yeah, me too.

You got your Nam metals on?

Affirmative.

Act natural, warm.

Friendly, but firm.
- Firm.

Firm.
A general's firm.

- A general's firm.
- All right.

That's right, tiger.

Now, get out there and
take your best shot.

Barnes!

What if I get a book
deal out of this?

Don't worry, we'll
get a ghostwriter.

A ghostwriter?- Powell's got a ghostwriter.

Really?
I did not know that.

Run along.

Run along.

General!

Gentlemen, mayI have your attention, please?

It appears Tufuti has morefirepower than anticipated,

so we must escalate the contact.

You men will be moving towardthe front lines at 0600 hours.

That's in three hours from now.

Nighty night.

Sleep tight.

Boy

Oh, man.

I thought we
were a supply unit.

I didn't think we'd
actually see combat.

Combat?

Don't be afraid,
Corporal Davis, Ernest

is the great American warriormy father talked about.

He will protect us all.

That's right.

I'll just-- Ben!

What are you doing under there?

I stick by my
good buddy Ernest.

You said buddies stick together.

Oh, Ben, you can't stay here.

You've got to go home.

Your folks will worry about you.

Did you hear me, Ben?

You've got to go home.

I have no home.

This is my home now.

Well, what about your family?

My mother was killed
by Tufuti's [inaudible],

and my father went to
fight in the resistance

and never came home.

I'm sorry, Ben.

Don't worry.

Everything's gonna be OK.

I know what it's
like to be alone.

Good night, son.

Where are they going?

I have no
idea, but I think

the Colonel's gonna be the firstone of us to see some action.

BEN-ALI: Ernest!
- Come on, Ernest.

Let's go.
BEN-ALI: Ernest!

Ernest!

Where are you going?

We've got to go to thefront to help the soldiers.

- I go too.
- Oh, no, Ben.

This is no place for a boy.

I am not a boy.

I'm a brave warrior like Ernest.

I'm sorry, Ben, but you'regonna have to stay here.

What about sticking
by your buddy?

I'm sorry, Ben.

We've got to go.

We'll be back.

He'll never come back.

Excellency.

Yes, Kibee?

These are the
men you sent for.

I need to put a
face on this invasion.

A sympathetic face.

One that will ensure
media attention.

An American face.

Out!
Out!

Out!

Colonel Gullet, where are we?

We're about three
steps from heaven.

Oh!

Colonel Gullet, please!

Let's just stick to
the problem at hand.

I'm trying to get
back to this base.

Look, I'm not used to
taking no for an answer.

When I see something
I want, I go--

Thanks.

Say, you fellas look likeyou're from around here.

Would you happen to
know where this place--

With INNI, you are

there in Operation Sand Trap.

I'm Frank Williams, andwe're waiting for a briefing

from General Rodney Lincoln, perhaps the most colorful

of all the allied commanders
of Operation Sand Trap.

And what a voice.

At approximately
1800 hours today

the Allied Forces will begincarpet bombing Sectors 30, 31,

and 32, along with 200
sorties as preparatory

to ground assault.

Slip the map.

Here.

Now the color.

And if TuttiFrutti has the common sense

of a duck, he'll tuck thatkeester of his up under that

beach blanket he wears
for a hat and hightail

it out of there like a jackrabbit in a Louisiana oil

spill.

That a boy.

Any questions?

Gullet.

Gullet!

Wake up, you creep.

I can't believe you
got me into this.

Hey, look.

Look who's out there.

What is it?

It's President Tufuti.

Tufuti?

In the flesh.

He standing over by the
oasis with those goons

who captured us.

Oasis?

The only enemy base nearan oasis is in Sector 32.

Sector 32.

Great.

Now we know where we
are, no thanks to you.

Too bad nobody else does.

Look, I'm sorry.

I didn't know we were
close to enemy lines.

Yeah, well, you're gonnabe real sorry in a minute

because they're headed this way.

Untie them.

Hi.

I trust you are contentwith your accommodations,

and that your journey
into our little country

has been a pleasant one?

Mr. President.

- For Life.
- Whatever.

You must forgive
these ruffians.

They're not very
polite sometimes.

Ah, a member of the pressand a lovely one, at that.

OK.

OK.

I hear you.

Hold it up, Ernest.

It looks like headquartershas changed their mind again.

I'll be in the
communications truck.

I can't believethey're doing this to us.

We just got here.

That's Army
intelligence for you.

Hey, has anybody
seen Colonel Gullet?

He's been gone all day.

Maybe that reporterette'sgot him tied up.

Maybe somebody should
go looking for him.

I'd volunteer.

What's the deal here, Chuck?

They're calling for a bug out.

The F-18s are bombing theentire area at 1800 hours.

Wow.

This is neat.

Do you get wrestling here?

You know, the Undertaker'sgonna be on Monday Night Raw

this week.
- Really?

Bullwhips?

Barbed wire.

Mm, good match.

It is now--

Hey, don't touch this stuff.

Arisian troops have
at least two hostages.

A British Colonel and
an American woman.

We go now to a satellite
feed of a videotape

we received moments ago fromsomewhere in the Middle East.

I am Colonel Bradley Gullet.

Oh, look.

It's the Colonel and Cindy.

Well, at least they're safe.

invasion of the sovereignnation of Karifistan.

I'm Cindy Swanson, a newsreporter for Channel 3--

Channel 32.

Ain't she something?

She's the best reporter
Channel 3 ever had,

and she smells good too.

But she said Channel 32.

No, she's on Channel 3.

I watch her all the time.

No, she said Channel 32.

Wait a minute.

We denouncethe American allies--

Maybe she's trying
to tell us something.

Channel 32.

Again, this is Cindy
Swanson, for Channel 32.

Channel 32?

Channel 32?

Maybe she meant Sector 32.

No.

No, she said Channel 32.

Therefore, the code
word is "Channel."

Soon there will
be a liberator.

Yes.

I've got a fullcanteen and a flashlight.

We can be back beforeanybody knows we're gone.

No, Ernest, that's
Air Rescue's job.

But what about the
Colonel and Cindy?

Don't they count?

I'm sorry about thegirl, but she's the media

and not our responsibility.

As for the Colonel,
he's not the Sarge.

Can't we do something?

Get in, Ernest.

That's an order!

I'm sorry, sir.

I know it's high treason, and probably very rude,

but a real soldier wouldn'tleave those people out there.

And Ironically, neither will I.

Ernest, get back here!

And so, it
will come to pass,

that the great
American warrior will

plunge himself into the
vast wasteland of death.

He alone, a human
spear, thrusting

the heart of the beast.

Kibee, bring me
the UN Colonel.

As you desire, Mr. President--

For Life.

Colonel Gullet, it is time.

What?

What's going on?

Where are you taking him?

It looks like I'm first.

Sorry, Cindy.

We'll be back for
you, Miss Swanson.

No hurry.

Well, Colonel, you look
very good on television.

I think you should
consider it as a career.

I held up my end
of the deal, Tufuti.

I delivered you your
news correspondent,

now pay me my money.

I don't think you're
in such a good position

to be demanding anything.

You'll die for this, Tufuti.

Strap him to the missile.

We'll send him back
to his friends.

You'll die for this!

Kibee, my club.

The desert sun certainly
has a diverse effect

on chocolate milk.

BEN-ALI: Ernest!

Where's Ernest?

Have you seen Ernest?

Ernest!

Where's Ernest?

Have you seen Ernest?

Where's Ernest?

Ernest?

Where's Ernest?
Have you seen Ernest?

- No, Ben.
- He went off into the desert.

He did?

He thinks he's gonna savethe Colonel and that reporter.

Which way did he go?

I can't talk.
I gotta go.

What did he say?

I gotta go.

Let's go now.

Quit standing around.

Grab that box.

Let's go, gentlemen.

My lips are peeling.

He just headed
off toward Sector 32.

I tried to stop him,
but he just kept going.

Sector 32?

We're just about to turn thatwasteland into more wasteland.

Who else have you
told about this?

No one.

You keep it
to yourself, soldier.

I'll handle it from here.

Yes, sir.

Sector 32.

Prepare
to launch assault.

OK, this shouldn't be hard.

Lift one foot.

Now, easy.

One step at a time.

Don't disturb the sand.

Sand angels.

Poisoned barbed wire.

A feeble attempt tofrighten the lesser minds.

Well, at least I
didn't get poisoned.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Hmm.

If it hadn't been for mystealth-like ninja moves,

I never would have
made it this far.

I am poultry in motion.

My people, today we celebratetomorrow's certain sacred

victory over the Americans.

And tomorrow we will piercethe heart of the eagle,

and all the land willpraise Almar Habib Tufuti,

President for Life of Arisia.

[chanting] Tufuti!

Tufuti!

Tufuti!

For Life!

For Life!

Hang on.

Ta-da!

The cavalry has arrived.

Private Worrell?

Well, you can

call me Ernest, little lady.

Please.

Where are the other soldiers?

It's just me.

I'm on special assignment.

I can't get this rope untied.

I can't believe you crossedthe desert by yourself.

I thought you were the cook.

I am.

And a real good one too.

I tell you what.

I'm gonna have to
lift this pole up,

and you slide the
rope underneath.

OK.

OK?

Where's the Colonel.

Well, they probably puthim with the other prisoners.

How'd you get in here?

Ninja training.

I am poultry in motion.

OK, you ready?
I'm gonna lift.

Yeah, yeah. OK.

Slide.

OK, slide it.

I'm out!

Oh!

Ow!

Come here, private.

Oh, private.

Come on, private.

Oh, private Worrell.

OK, let me help you.
We'll pull up.

Ready?
- OK.

OK.

One, two, three.

Pull me back.

Quiet!

Private Worrell, the pole!

Ah, the pole.
No, I think I got it.

No, I got it.

Let me get it.

Hurry!

Don't let them escape!

Get them!

Get them!

Move!

We've blown it now.

Find the way out.

Hurry.

Dang it.

I-- I think I broke a nail.

Oh, please, Ernest.

You fools, move!

Ow.

Try that way.

Doesn't this
hurt your knees?

No!
Stop being such a sissy.

- Let's go!
- Harder!

Harder!

Whah!

No.

Try over here.

Beat harder!

Harder!

Ouch.

How about this way?

OK, look, we'll just
have to brave it.

Keep your head up real high.

OK.

Oh, Ernest, you
coward, get up!

Ow!

I can't help it.

Move it!

Let's go.

Hit harder!

They're still moving!

Grab the handle, idiot!

Don't just stand there!

OK, let's go.

Where
the hell are they?

Spread out!

Kibee, you're in the dungeon!

Do you understand?

Shh.

Oh, help us, please.

Please, help us.

OK.
No problem.

I'll have you out
of here in a jiffy.

Ernest, shh.

Oh, oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Allah be praised.

You have saved us.

You must be the great Americanwarrior of the prophecy.

Oh, shucks.
It was nothing.

You must have me confusedwith some other great

American warrior of prophecy.

Here comes the guards.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, they're
shooting real bullets!

Real bullets?
I'll go first.

Cover me.

Worrell, come back here!

Wait!

Wait, Ernest!

Ladies first.

OK, come on.

Come on.
Come on.

Come on.
Come on, Ernest.

Let's go.

Ow!

Ouch.

Come on, let's go.

Kill them.

Take no prisoners.

- We made it, Ernest.
- Yes.

We made it.

Oh, we did it.

Oh, look, they've
got Colonel Gullet.

We've got to go back.

Are you crazy?

We can't go back in!

Look, you go on ahead.

I've gotta go back
in for the Colonel.

No, we can go get help.
We don't have to.

You don't understand.

Sarge said, in the Army you'vegotta watch out for your buddy.

And Colonel Gullet's my buddy, even though he is a Colonel

Ernest.

What we need is a plan.

How about an escort?

No, too small.

We need at least a Humvee.- Ernest.

Ernest.
Ernest!

Oh, that kind of escort?

Hi, fellas.
- OK.

Oh, no. Ouch.

Ow!

Lips.

He peels easy.

This is General Lincoln.

Commence the bombing
on Operation Sand Trap.

The first bird's
up at 1800 hours.

Whiskey, Alpha, Bravo.

My indecision is final.

Cut.

You were terrific, General.

Terrific.
All right.

Now let's take some
black and white stills.

I think that would
look more authentic.

Oh, Barnes, I don't lookso good in black and white.

We can airbrush them.

Mm.

You know, they
say every man has

a bullet with his name on it.

Yeah.

Here's mine, see?

Ernest.

I figure, as long as
this is in my pocket,

nobody can shoot me with it.

Oh, great, Ernest.

Don't tell them
I've got it, OK?

Done.

Tufuti, you're gonna get
in big trouble for this.

I'm a noncombatant.

I'm a member of the press.

Yeah, I'm a noncombatant too.

I'm in the Reserves.

The barbarians think they cansend an infidel into my camp

to destroy my plans.

Who do they think you are?

Rambo?

Well, close.

Ready!

Aim!

Hold it!

Don't we get a last meal?

I could sure go for a pizza.

Pepperoni, sausage,
extra cheese--

Up here, boy.---black olives.

No anchovies.

Maybe some chocolate chips.

Ready!
Aim!

Hey, hey.

I could use my last phonecall to call for a pizza.

They could be here
in 30 minutes.

Look, we could all pitch in.

I've got tip money.

No pizza!

Ready!

Well, what about a blindfold?

No blindfold.

What kind of a jake
leg outfit is this?

No last meal, no phone
call, no blindfold.

No budget.

Oh.

Well, I bet none of youhave ever even shot anybody.

Kibee shot a man in
the foot last year.

It was an accident,
Mr. President for Life.

I have such feelings of guilt.

Act like a man!

Any other requests?
- Yeah.

Let me go!

Ready!

Aim!

Where are you going?

BEN-ALI: Here we come, Ernest.

Your Excellency!

Ernest.

Ernest!

Let's go!

BEN-ALI: Get in, Ernest!

Go, Ernest!

Go!

BEN-ALI: Get in!

Go!

Come on, Ernest.
- Scoot over.

Hit the gas!

This is a job for Army people.

Oh, come on.

Let's just go.

Go!

Kibee, where is my missile?

Where is my pluton missile?

I-- I think it hasbeen removed, Excellency.

Bring
me my desert demons!

In 30 minutes, thebombs will begin to drop,

and this will be
your finest hour.

Barnes, do you think
those Brit generals

look so sophisticated becausethey have those little pencil

thin mustaches?

Excuse me, sir.

The satellite just picked up atruck carrying a large missile.

Barnes, there's no greaterfeeling than breaking

the enemy's spirit.

That's how I met my wife.

Sir, the missile's
headed towards us.

What?

Barnes, pull out the
big guns, scramble

the fighters, get me the Navy.

We gotta nuke that missile nowbefore they get any closer.

Yes, sir.

Oh, boy.

Barnes?

Barnes?

Worrell, stop the truckand get me down off of here!

Which way do we go?

- Head for the dunes!
- Which one?

The white one!

The white one!

Eenie, meanie, miney--

One potato, two potato--

Eenie one potato!

Are you sure it's
not meanie two potato?

No, no!

Eenie one potato!

Don't letthem get away, you fools!

Kibee, faster!

Ernest, we're gonna
get stuck in this stuff.

Nah, I used to be a
mailman in Michigan.

Oh, no!

Ernest!

Worrell, where are you going?

What are you doing?

You're the press.

You're supposed to
be non-combative.

Tufuti, President forLife, broke the rules first.

Now, is this semi-automatic
or full rock and roll?

Shoot!

Worrell!

One down.

BEN-ALI: More bananas?

I'm out of shells.

Give me another clip.

Worrell!

Get us out of here!

Ow!

Hang on, Colonel Gullet!

Look out.

OK, watch the dip, Ernest!

Base Camp, here we come.

Happy to report,
the pluton missile

moves to Karifistan border.

It seems Interceptor is
delivering as promised.

Soon, world powers will
be emptying their bank

accounts into our coffers.

No, Ernest!

Ernest!

Turn around and go back!

You can't go through there.

This is no time tostop and admire the view.

Rock mines.

Oh, we're trapped.

Not yet, we're not.

What are you doing?

What I do best.

Are you crazy?

Get me down from here!

Oh, no!

They're getting closer!

Put that foot into
the corner, Kibee!

We're going to get them!

They won't get away.

He said he's been a
prisoner of Tufuti's,

and that the pluton
bomb is now in the hands

of the great American warrior.

I thought I was the
great American warrior?

Well, you are, sir.

This is just someone
claiming to be.

Oh, an imposter?

I'm sure there's
nothing to it.

Well, let's check it out.

There's not room in
this desert for two

great American warriors.

Is this the man?

Yes, sir.

Oh, Your Excellency.

I-- I am so happy and honoredthat you would see me.

I bring great news.

You said an American
has the pluton missile?

Oh, yes, and he's
bringing it to you.

Oh, he's such a great warrior!

Is anyone with him?

A UN Colonel and a woman.

Oh, Pierre!

- Come on.

Come outside.

We need to talk.

Just listen.

Listen.

We'd better call off thatcarpet bombing before they

take out that pluton missile.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Because we want to
capture it and take

all the credit for ourselves.

Oh.

You'd think this was
his first conflict.

Ernest.

Ernest!

What do you think you're doing?

Come on, Ernest.

Are you crazy?

Get me down from here!

You fool, Ernest!

Put that thing down!

You'll have us all killed!

OK.

Just keep the gas steady.

OK, here we go.

Easy.

Stop this thing!

Move it, Kibee!

Move it!

They're getting away!

Look out, Ernest!

Here they come!
BEN-ALI: Hurry!

Hurry!

Gotcha!

Nice one!

This is a whole lot easierwithout clubbers trying

to bop you with a six iron.

Here's one!

BEN-ALI: Yeah!

Ernest!

He's unbelievable.

I believed it all along.

Faster, Kibee.

Faster!

How about a double dip?

Assorted flavors.

There you go.

Nice one, Ernest.

You fool!

Ernest, faster!

Faster!

Come on.

Look out, sir.

Be careful!

You got the poop,
I got the scoop.

Man, this guy
can't take a hint.

Come on, Kibee.

Move it!

They're getting away!

Delta,
Bravo, one-niner.

Abort sortie.

Abort sortie.

Roger, HQ.

We're heading home.

This way.

This way.

Worrell,
where are you going?

That's it.

Stop that!

Worrell!

Get me down!

Oh.

We're stuck.

There he is!

Excellency?

He's ours now!

Ernest, don't.

Get out of there!

Come on Tufrutti.

Give us your best shot.

You have been very
troublesome for me,

but now I am rid of you!

Duck!

Duck, Ernest!

Oh, no!

No.

No, no, no!

Help!

Help!

It's only a rock, Excellency.

Ready to die, great
American warrior?

Excellency, you are
damaged, for life.

Yeah.

Yeah, Earnest.

What a shot!

You have defeated the beast.

What was that you threw?

All in a day's cooking.

know what I mean?

Would
somebody untie me?

Oh, sorry Colonel.

I'll just lower this hydraulic.

Get me off here!

Loosen those
on the bottom, Ben.

Good.

Don't worry, Colonel.

I'll have you loose in a minute.

Yeah,
about time, too.

There you go.

Now, move away from
this missile or the boy

meets Allah prematurely.

Interceptor confirms capture.

Rendezvous at Sector C-12.

Interceptor
seeks confirmation.

Confirm his deposit of onehundred million US dollars

into his Swiss bank account.

Dispatch a unit to pick upthe pluton missile when he

crosses the Karifistan border.

As Boyard commands.

Bankaccount number 639736412-12.

Code name, Interceptor.

Confirm bank deposits.

Got it.

I can't believe you canbe such a traitor, Gullet.

It's just business.

Now, move away
from this missile!

Look, you can keep themissile, just let the boy go.

The boy goes with me.

Let the boy go, Gullet.

What do you want
with a pluton missile?

Soon I'll be in a worldwhere idiots like you are

outlawed, living the good life.

Goodbye, Ernest.

Thanks for the ride.

You!

Duck men!

Oh, Ernest!

Oh.

BEN-ALI: The ropes, Ernest!

The ropes!

If it's gonna hurt, I'm
sure glad that isn't me.

Eww.

Oh.

Eww.

There they are.

Keep it rolling, Lloyd.

Stop here.

The light's good.

Get me a closeup of the girl.

What have you donewith my missile, private?

General, it's
been neutralized.

You should be pinning
a medal on Ernest.

Oh.
Yeah, well, I--

I will.

I'm gonna put a whole chestfull of medals on him.

Good work, soldier.

General, be careful
what you promise, sir.

Shut up, Barnes.

You're fired.

How am I doing, Lloyd?

Ernest!

Hey, Ernest!

Way to go, buddy.

Ben, you're-- you're not--- I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I just gotta lay
off the pork rinds.

Ernest, in my book,
you're Army people.

Army people.

I'm Frank Williams,
INNI European division.

Oh.

I believe that you have
all the inside details.

Tell me, what would it takefor INNI to get an exclusive?

Oh, well, uh--

How long did you say
you've been in your job?

Ben-Ali?

Ben-Ali!

Ben-Ali!

Abi.

Abi!

Allah be praised,
it is my son.

My son!

My son!

Abi!

My son!

Abi!

I thought I had
lost you forever.

Well, I guess the Geshua charmreally does bring good luck.

The good luck is that youare the great American warrior.

Wait a minute, Ben.

You can't keep the greatAmerican warrior to yourself.

I have some unfinished
business with him.

Eww.

What is this?

Oh, sorry.

My lips peel easily.

Oh.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Go away, Ernest!

How about coming over?

I'll make you some pancakes.

Now, I'm grossed out.

No, really.

I make the best pancakes
in the whole world.

Ernest, I have oneword for you-- lip balm.

And so it came, as the years passed,

that Ben Ali became a greatleader of the Arab world

and brought peace to
the war-torn land.

And on every publicbuilding and street sign,

a small, barely-visible
inscription

read "Stick by your buddy."

Know what I mean?